The winds were flowing through a vast forest of Hogwarts, brushing past the leaves and moving the branches ever so slightly. The skies were dark and contained a vague mist, shielding the stars and covering the moon. On the edge of this forest was a hill, on which was a mad tree. The tree currently appeared perfectly calm, but say, were you to approach it, much less stroke it, it would begin to shake and thrash uncontrollably until you were left as nothing but a pulp. This, dear reader, was thus known as “The Whomping Willow.” And Willow it was, with dangling lines for branches with leaves appearing soft but touching as thorn. But it was not the character of this tree that would appeal to some young reckless teenagers in roughly a decade or two. No, it was instead the small tunnel that opened up at the feet of the tree. If you were to follow this tunnel you would find it leading you through a rigid path into a different part of the Hogwarts grounds, referred to as “The Shrieking Shack.” But why was it called this?
See, dear reader, there had been a use for this shack. You will see this on this night. We shall just await the clearing of the skies and the spotting of a round, full moon. And so, in a few minutes, it does open up. Now in this shack, there had been a seventeen-year-old boy of the name Remus Lupin, dreading just that. This young fellow was inflicted with a condition kindly referred to as Lycanthropy, in other words, this poor lad was a werewolf. When the full moon would appear, he would transform with great pain. But to prevent the infliction of pain on others, he went to this shack to isolate himself during his transformation. Through the nights he would wreck the shack if he wished, or perhaps jump out of the shack and roam the forest as an animal. In the morning, he would once again become human. No longer a wild and erratic beast, but rather a tired and frustrated boy. This boy carried himself with such maturity and quietness that if you were to ask, “Who is the werewolf?” in a crowd full of boys his age, he would be the last person you would consider to be such a beast, so different from the humanity of him.
In a group of rather “irresponsible” boys (as many professors called them), he seemed to be the voice of reason (though this is much rather an outside perspective). He used his intelligence to fuel the many antics that the group carried out; this group called themselves “The Marauders.” But still, he would not disrupt class, or make immature jokes. Out of these four boys, he was the only one who girls actually called “their friend.” The others were far too boyish. But despite all of this, there was one thing about Remus Lupin that was different. His lycanthropy. Most ordinary boys do not become a wild beast once a month.
This was the one thing Remus Lupin despised of himself more than anything else, it was perhaps the only thing that he despised of himself. This hate could replace any other insecurity he might have had. He dreaded his transformations, despite the endless support from his friends, for they did not lessen the physical toll it took on his body. Scars littered all over his skin, the greying of his hair, sagging skin. He was barely even an adult, and already he could pass as a pedestrian if his voice was anymore frail. How long would he really live like this? Would this always be a void of himself? Would he ever have anything ordinary? A wife, or kids? Could his condition be passed on? Yes, it could, he had discussed this with a nurse. It was not certain, but certainly possible. Perhaps he wouldn’t ever have kids, simply out of this fear. But would he have anything? Would his friends be the only family he had, other than his parents?
Such thoughts take a heavy toll on a young mind, and it certainly had on young Remus Lupin. It constantly plagued him, and so these thoughts had never allowed him to do things a regular teenage boy may do. He had never let himself have a girlfriend, because he did not want anyone to know of his condition and much less, if they accepted it, burden them with it. However, this did not mean he had no attraction or no person he admired discreetly from afar in the Great Hall. He most definitely did not admire her while she talked with her friends and wish he could sit nearer to her to hear her laugh or drown in her voice. He most definitely did not dream of the way her yellow-blonde hair fell in front of her, or the way her eyes looked forward, occasionally glancing his vague direction. He most definitely did not constantly daydream about the few times they had made eye contact, or the one time she had looked at him and given him a polite smile. (He did do all of those things). (He wished he didn’t). (But at the same time, these were the things that excited him most). Remus Lupin knew that he should not let himself engage in these thoughts, but the mind does not listen to reason when drunken in the spirits of “a crush.”
This girl’s name is Aurora Pendleton. And Remus Lupin has no guts to approach her. Case closed. Did you really believe that? That with friends like the Marauders, they would allow Remus Lupin to secretly mope about his crush and keep letting himself break his heart? You better not have, because they had figured out that Remus had a crush, and who it was, all in the short span of…eight. Whole. Damn. Months. And even that could be considered quick with the ways Remus hid it. It was a bit of a shock when he realized the Marauders had been guessing his crush for eight whole months, and actually got it right. And it was even more of a shock, that his crush had not lessened or changed, but instead, only more pathetic.
It wasn’t as if Remus and Aurora had never talked, no they had. But it had always been something for school, or a question in class. Some of her friends were his friends, but whenever Aurora showed up, Remus managed to stutter his words or turn some shade of red, or simply go quiet and look at the ground. So not many words had been spoken, and “talking” would be a sad excuse for whatever he pulled around her. To boys, this means nothing. But girls? They are much more intuitive, and they had a very strong feeling of Remus’s feelings. But of his friends, it was Lily Evans who confronted him about it.
Lily knew all about Remus’s lycanthropy and was one of few who wasn’t hesitant to ask questions about it. Lily made it seem like it was no big deal, or “no biggie.” Around Lily, he was not strange or dangerous, or a wild beast, but just another friend. They were more like siblings, in a way, never once had there been any sort of romantic talk between them. From the start. Remus knew all about every single one of Lily’s crushes, her honest feelings and her boyfriends. Lily, however, did not know much about Remus’s crushes. Though he had mentioned one late night, that he did not feel he should ever have a crush. His use of the word ‘should’ had been what had concerned her, but Remus brushed it off before the topic went on any further.
So once again, another late night it had been. The two of them had been sitting in front of the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, with Lily doing some homework and Remus had been doing some reading. Lily had been meaning to bring up Aurora but was still debating if she really should in her head. For a good fifteen minutes her mind had been racing and her homework was being more and more hastily done. But soon her mind smashed the hammer, and she turned around.
“Remus?” She asked, her voice quieter than she intended.
“Mhm?” Remus responded back, not yet lifting his eyes from his book. And for a second again, Lily began debating again before speaking.
“You know Aurora?” Lily asked. And suddenly Remus’s eyes darted up.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do. What- what about her?” Remus asked, seeming as if he were trying to ‘play it cool’. Lily went with the blunt way of asking and proceeded.
“Do you fancy Aurora?”
Remus froze up and looked at Lily for a solid second before pretending to act oblivious. But here is one thing about Remus Lupin, he is not actor material.
“What- What no. Why- why would you think that?” He stuttered back to her, proving her point. Another thing about Remus Lupin, he could never lie infront of Lily. Had it been anyone else, even the Marauders, he would have dodged the question with ease. But Lily? No, she was special and her eyes worked like veritaserum on him.
“Because you act just like that whenever anyone mentions her, or when she’s around you.” Lily calmly replied. She wasn’t tensed anymore, she had gotten her answer. Remus Lupin definitely had a thing for Aurora.
“I do not!” Remus replied defensively.
“Just last week, when she approached us in the library. You started looking for a book on the closest shelves even though it was material for two years beneath us. Not even a little strange, Remus?” Lily said, now looking at him with a knowing look that said, ‘don’t lie to me.’ Remus understood the look and sighed.
“Look, maybe I do like her. But I’m not going to do anything about it, so there’s no use in talking about it.” Remus said, his voice suddenly becoming resigned. The mood in the room sobered, and suddenly Lily felt a little guilty for pushing him about it, not too guilty though. But hearing Remus accepting defeat before even signing up for a battle was disheartening. Lily had a feeling that it was something related to his insecurities but did not want to press him about it. But thankfully, Remus himself spoke, after a few minutes of silence.
“Sorry, I don’t want you to feel bad for asking. It’s not really that serious, but I just don’t think any kind of relationship will ever work out for me. And even if it did, I wouldn’t want me for someone.” Remus said, all too calmly. Lily was taken slightly aback, just how long-term did Remus think?
“Don’t say that. Remus. I know girls who would go on a date with you with no hesitation if you asked. I understand why you might be concerned with your...situation. But does that mean you should just be alone forever?”
“Lily…” Remus sighed, rubbing his forehead, “I just, it’s complicated. Knowing what I do about myself, I could never bring myself to ask out any girl I like and then feel alright with myself. Because I would be hiding such a big part of myself, and well, if they got that close to me. then they would figure my condition out pretty quickly. If word got out, then well… that would be pretty bad. It could risk everything I have here at Hogwarts. And I… I don’t want to risk well, all of this.” He finished.
Lily went silent for a few seconds, thinking about what Remus had just said.
“What if you at least became friends with her? A lot of our friends know about your condition, and no one would dare try pull anything. Especially under Dumbledore, he would never let you lose what you have here, much less let word get out.” Lily suggested, trying to help her friend.
“Maybe, but I don’t want to risk everything on a maybe. I’ve considered the friend bit, but you’ve seen me. I can barely hold eye contact with her.” Remus continued.
“Yeah. It’s kind of pathetic.” Lily playfully snickered to Remus. He let the mood change and dramatically sighed and shook his head.
They talked more, continuing the topic of Remus’s crush. And then eventually shifted to other things. Before eventually packing up and settling in for the night. Remus felt both relieved and terrified that he had confided in Lily. He had never really said his thoughts about relationships out loud. But Lily, as she lay in bed that night, pondered more and more about Remus said. She understood his perspective, why he might think so with his condition, but she also felt that it was no reason to let it take over any relationships you have, if that condition is managed properly. In his case, he had not harmed any other person for the almost decade that he had lived with the condition.
And so she came up with a plan to talk to Aurora. Just friend talk. (And what else?) But that would have to start tomorrow. Remus Lupin would indeed, talk to Aurora Pendleton.