Visit 11
The sun is shining, today is a good day. It’s a heavy day, but a good day.
“Hi Dr. Stone.”
“Hello, Hermione.”
“I’m ready for trial preparations.”
“Let’s do our check in to start this session so that we don’t run low on time and have to stop the trial prep, okay?”
“Sounds good.”
“Any attacks related to anxiety or attacks you were able to curb?”
“Yes, I nearly had one during my meeting with my lawyer. I was able to curb it using the 5-4-3-2-1 method.”
“That’s great that you were able to curb it. What topic was the trigger to the near attack?”
“We were going over the trial questions that I could be asked. One of the questions went into specific detail about the sexual assault aspects of the trial.”
“I can see this topic starting to upset you. You know that you are in a safe space and he cannot get to you here. That’s why we are going over the trial questions today. Do you feel like you are in a safe space, Hermione?”
“Yes, I just hate that I have to answer those things.”
“Hopefully we can take some measures to make those questions easier today.”
“Okay.”
“I’m glad you were able to curb the attack. Have you had any more nightmares?”
“No.”
“Good. Any thoughts of self-harm or suicide?”
“No, just low moments. I wouldn’t let my mind go to thoughts of hurting myself but it kept trying.”
“I’m glad you were able to keep your mind from that.”
“Yeah, just times I was alone are hard.”
“That’s understandable. I’m not going to lie to you, the questions we’re about to go through are difficult. They will be triggers for you, but our main focus is to find ways to control the possible attacks and prepare you for the trial. Due to me being a muggle, I cannot be present at the trial. It would be a risk for your safety and your safe space if I were to be there.”
“I understand.”
“Are you ready to begin?”
I just nod.
“Your public relationship with the defendant has only been shown as amicable to the rest of the world. Why is it so suddenly different following the tenth anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts?”
“My magic reacted to his aggression to protect me. Up until that point, I hadn’t felt confident in standing up for myself against him so my magic did it for me.”
“You describe the relationship as being ‘laborious’ behind the scenes. Can you explain that statement to me?”
“I said that to describe the difference between working together in a relationship and having to work to make a relationship work. I dealt with the expectations of being the Wizarding World’s Golden Girl, a healer, a friend, and a girlfriend. From him, I received only anger, jealousy, and hatred while I did my best to keep him happy. In response to any success in my life, I was met with aggression and physical pain. As the documents reflect, I treated myself at St. Mungo’s on numerous occasions for injuries that include, but are not limited to; concussions, bruising, fractured bones, and sexual assault related trauma.”
“How did you treat yourself for those injuries? Would it not have required a secondary doctor’s signature?”
“They did. All of my treatments were signed off on by another nurse that worked with me in the curse related injury department.”
“She is also speaking on your behalf during the trial, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Why did she not report it? She is a mandatory reporter, correct?”
“I made her swear to not report it out of fear for how the defendant would react.”
“Hermione, let’s take a short break. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I feel like I’ve answered those questions so many times that I don’t register them anymore.”
“Okay, do you want to move into the ones discussing the assault? I know those were the root of some anxiety for you.”
“Yes. Let’s get those out of the way.”
“Okay,” Dr. Stone adjusted his glasses, “The court documents reflect that you first treated yourself for sexual assault trauma in November of 2001. What did that treatment entail?”
“I treated myself for,” breathe, breathe, “vaginal trauma, bruising, and cuts to my left arm and chest.”
“The court designates this as a charge of rape. How can it be rape when you and the defendant were publically dating at the time?”
“Consent can be freely given and retracted. At the time of the assaults, I was not consenting, or in some cases able to consent.”
“And why were you unable to consent during some of the assaults?”
“I was given sleeping potions to use during the first five years after the war due to night terrors and insomnia.”
“Hermione?”
I’m shaking, my knuckles are white from gripping my journal in my lap.
“You’re doing really well. What are some tools you could use right now to help curb your emotional response?”
“I can see a lamp, books, table, chair, you.”
“Good.”
“I can touch my journal, that pen, the block, and the couch.”
“Good.”
“I can smell the candle, ink, and perfume.”
“Good.”
“I can hear cars and the air conditioning.”
“Good.”
“And I can taste mint gum.”
“Good, do you feel okay?”
“I’m good, just tired.”
“Are you having trouble sleeping again?”
“Yes.”
“Is it because of the trial?”
“Also yes.”
“What would help?”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“Is there anyone who could stay with you through the trial?”
“No, it could be looked at wrong and cause more problems.”
“What if you used the floo network? No one would be seen going in or out.”
“I’ve thought about it but I just don’t want to risk it if I can avoid it.”
“I understand but you need to sleep.”
“I know.”
“Is there someone that you could go and visit where you can rest for a while?”
“Theo offered for me to go to his manor and rest. It was considered but I’m not sure.”
“I think you should consider the opportunity to sleep. Human emotions can be influenced by lack of sleep. It might be one of the reasons you’re having such a strong sense of anxiety these past few days on top of the upcoming trial.”
“I’ll send him an owl this evening.”
“Where does your hesitation come from?”
“I honestly want to reach out to Draco but I don’t want to go to the Malfoy Manor, it holds too many bad memories.”
“That’s completely valid. Does he still live there?”
“I don’t know for sure but he is the only Malfoy Heir. His father died in Azkaban.”
“It’s your decision no matter what, Hermione. Overally, my job is to help you feel the most confident you can going into this trial and I think sleep is a large factor in that.”
“I know, I’ll figure something out.”
“Were there any other questions you wanted to discuss today? Those were the ones you had highlighted for me.”
“That was it. The second set are just really hard to answer without showing emotions.”
“Showing emotions isn’t wrong. All the emotions you feel about the situation are completely valid. We’re working through this so that you can talk about it and show emotion at the same time.”
“Oh.”
“Think about the last time you got so emotional that you couldn’t communicate, that’s the emotions we’re trying to work through.”
“That makes more sense than being stone-faced on the stand.”
“What do you need to feel the most successful going into the trial on Monday?”
“I really wish you could go. I know you can’t but you’re the only person I’ve been able to say all of this to. Doing this in front of my friends is going to be a lot.”
“Even though I won’t be there physically, I will be answering questions for the Wizengamot in a private chamber session. Hopefully, me answering the questions with what we’ve talked about will exempt you from some of the questions.”
“You’re doing that?”
“I told you, my job is to help you feel confident and provide a safe space. Even it I can’t physically do that at the trial, I can do my best to make something happen from the outside.”
“Thank you, Dr. Stone,” don’t cry, “I feel a lot better going into the trial.”
“I’m glad, Hermione. I’ll see you next Thursday after it’s all over, okay?”
“Okay. See you next week.”
“Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.”