Visit 12
“Hi Dr. Stone.”
“Hello, Hermione.”
“He’s in jail.”
“He is. How are you feeling right now?”
“Tired.”
“Did you get any chances to rest since our last session?”
“I stayed at Theo’s one night. I fell asleep on the sitting room couch while everyone was hanging out there on Friday night.”
“It takes being very comfortable to be able to do that.”
“I was very comfortable. Pansy put a blanket on me at some point and when everyone was getting close to leaving, Draco carried me to one of the spare rooms.”
“That was very kind of them.”
“Yeah,” I shrug, “I haven’t seen Draco since then. The trial ended this morning and since we both testified we couldn’t be around each other until it was over.”
“He testified as well?”
“He told me he wrote the note. He was the voice I heard before I blacked out.”
“Yes, he was.”
“You knew?”
“I had a feeling.”
“I did too but I wasn’t sure so I didn’t want to assume.”
“How do you feel about the trial’s ending?”
“Free. I feel so light today. I also feel sad. There’s a lot of emotions going on in my head right now but the majority are a mixture of freedom and sadness.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Were things good between him and I most of the time? No, but at the root of it, there was a time that we were friends when we were young. It hurts me that it turned into something so dark in the end.”
“Do you think those early memories were tarnished by his actions later on?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, do you want to forgive, forget, or both?”
“None. I want to always remember. If I forget, then I may let myself go down that same path. If I forgive, I’m lying. If I do both, he wins in my mind.”
“Then none it is.”
“Can I ask a question? You may not have an answer but I just need to ask.”
“Of course, I’ll do my best to answer.”
“How long should I wait to move on?”
“To move on? Hermione, you started that process the moment that you decided that you had enough.”
“I know, but publicly.”
“I think that is entirely personal and up to you. Would a publicist tell you to wait awhile? Yes, but in the end it's your choice.”
“Okay, I think I already have my own mind.”
“Then you’ve already moved on,” his glasses slid ever so slightly down his nose, “and that doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course. Are you ready to discuss your parents some more?”
“I think so,” I grin, “I’ve done some research and there’s a mind healer in America that is willing to look over the case.”
“That’s great news.”
“Yeah, she said not to send a letter yet though. She wants to do an evaluation and see what’s possible before that. I’m supposed to meet her in Sydney in about two weeks if everything goes to plan.”
“Do you think having their support would change your future plans?”
“I think so. I think they’d like to meet all of my friends. They met Harry and Ginny a lot when I was in school, and Draco once but I want them to know everyone else. Speaking of, Pansy sent an owl today.”
“How is she?”
“She’s very well,” my smile is making my cheeks hurt, “She found out today that she’s a month along.”
“That’s wonderful news!”
“I agree. I’m so happy for her. We’re going shopping this weekend for clothes and toys to fill the nursery.”
“That sounds like a lovely plan.”
“Yep, she also invited us all to a big dinner tonight. I think she’s going to ask Theo to be the godfather.”
“I’m sure he’d love that.”
“Me too,” I reach for my bag, “Also, I have that copy of Witch Weekly for you. Theo did a wonderful job, he also included several non-profits for women and men experiencing domestic violence.”
“That’s so kind of him. This spread is simply fantastic. I’m glad you did this for yourself, Hermione. There’s a woman out there that this will help, I’m sure of it.”
“I hope so.”
“Is there anything you want to touch on before our check in?”
“I don’t think so. I overall feel really good this week. I think now that the trial is over, I can finally breathe and let go.”
“Wonderful, let’s start the check in.”
“All no’s today. I had some near attacks during the trial but I was able to keep them under control. No nightmares, I was able to tell where dreams were going and waking myself up. No thoughts of self harm or suicide. I did contemplate murder for half a second but not in a legitimate way, more out of frustration. His lawyer was just really annoying. Due to my reading addiction, I’ve read nearly every wizarding law book that was in the Hogwarts library and he violated several unsaid courtroom rules.”
“Well that’s good to hear about the attacks and nightmares.”
“But not the murder moment, right?”
“I think that’s valid in all honesty. Lawyers aren’t my favourite people.”
“Me either.”
“They can be hard to work with.”
“I agree.”
“I’m glad that’s all over for you though. You seem much happier without having that on your mind.”
“I feel so light. I genuinely feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I’m not stuck in my head. The little voice in my head isn’t harsh anymore. I don’t know what better way to explain it, I’m just light.”
“That’s really good. Remember how we discussed that people let in the love that they think they deserve?”
“Yeah.”
“I think you’re finally feeling the meaning of that statement instead of just hearing it.”
“I think so too.”
“What are you going to do with this new found weightlessness?”
“I’m going to ask Draco Malfoy to be my boyfriend.”
“The worst you can hear is a no. That being said, do you think a no could damage your friendship with that group?”
“Don’t tell him I told you, but during the Yule Ball he wouldn’t shut up about you,” Pansy’s lips slid into a wicked smile.
“Oh for sure,” Theo flicked his hand towards me, “He’d never admit it but in every Death Eater meeting he was praying he wouldn’t hear your name during the announcement of new prisoners. Took everything in his power not to murder his aunt in her sleep following that one day.”
“Theo, shut up,” Blaise’s eyes jumped between Theo’s and Draco walking towards them.
“I’m just saying, we all know they’re a match. Pansy started it,” Theo laughed.
“Pansy started what?” Draco put his hands on Theo’s shoulders.
“Don’t worry about it,” I laugh as Theo’s face practically glows red.
“I don’t think I have much to worry about,” I shrug, “I’ll update you next week?”
“Sounds like a good plan. See you then.”
“See you.”