Visit 9
“Welcome back, Hermione.”
“I’m glad to be back, Dr. Stone.”
“Glad to hear it. How was going back to work?”
“I’m tired,” I was only off work for around two weeks. Everyone was so amazing when I came back in.
“That’s to be expected, you work a lot of hours as a head healer.”
“The other healers really made it great. They welcomed me back with a cake and a small party. Even some of my patients came.”
“That’s very sweet.”
“It made me emotional for sure. Even Pansy, Blaise, Theo, and Draco came. Greg and Veronica sent me a card since they had to work at the bakery. I don’t think I have ever felt so supported.”
Draco surprised me with coffee this morning, offering to walk with me to the apparition point. He apparated with me too, which was strange.
“Thought I’d come by and visit some friends.”
“Who do you know?”
“Just a few people, come on.”
As soon as we walked in through the main doors, he steered me towards the main hall, his hand ghosting the low of my back.
“So, you trust me right,” his silver eyes glittered.
“Why?”
“Just say yes or no, Hermione.”
“Okay yes but-”
“Good,” he slid his hands over my eyes, “No peeking!”
“Where are we going?”
“Through a door,” he laughed.
“Surprise!”
A chorus of voices erupted when I stepped into the break room. Draco removed his hands, the room was full of healers and friends. Even Harry and Ginny had come up for the party.
“So you had a good start to the week, that’s wonderful.”
“I agree,” I shrug, the smile on my face said enough, “Draco put it together for me. Apparently he and Harry get along well.”
“And how would you say that you two are getting along?” Dr. Stone asked, “You and Draco.”
“Really well. He wants to watch muggle movies with me soon.”
“What do you consider Draco? A friend?”
“I think so,” I grin,”We challenge each other. That being said, we also have similar scars from the war. We understand things about each other that no one else really does.”
“I think that’s great. It’s good to have people that can relate to us in our lives.”
“I think my only fear is that this is a trauma response instead of true emotion. Does that make sense? We both went through the war and experienced really difficult things.”
“I’m not saying it’s impossible,” Dr. Stone took a moment to think, “But, I think that you want something simple in life, love. Finding this group of new friends is a big step towards your goal of love. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you finding solace with Draco as long as you are always honest with yourself and your emotions.”
“So I just have to wait it out?”
“No,” he adjusted his glasses, “Be aware of your emotions. Do they change? If they do, are you honest about it?”
“I think I understand.”
“You do?”
“I won’t know if it’s a trauma response unless I wake up one day feeling nothing. If this is all real emotion it will stay.”
“Mostly, yes. Everyone’s trauma responses are different and there is no definitive answer but that is the most common finding amongst psychologists.”
“Right. I can live with that answer, honestly.”
“Do you feel it’s inaccurate?”
“No, but I don’t think this is a trauma reaction. I think I’ve always believed that this whole group of people would get along with me if we lived in another time where there was no war. I know there’s no foundation to that statement, but I just feel it.”
“Our true happiness comes from within. If you believe that, then the universe has listened.”
“I think my parents would’ve really liked them.”
“You said that last week you wanted to talk about them. Is this how you meant?”
“Sort of,” I give a soft smile, “I think they would be happy to know them.”
“Your file told me that you wiped their memories just before the war. That must’ve been a very hard decision.”
“It most definitely was. I miss them every day but I’m happier knowing that they are alive and never knew about the war.”
“I know the trials revealed that they did search your childhood home. Did that knowledge only re-solidify that you made the right choice?”
“Yes. I’ve discussed the extent of the damage with a ton of different mind healers, though. Every single one said I did too good of a job. I wish I could have them back but I can live with this since I know they’re safe because of my choice.”
“Have you considered meeting them as Hermione, a person and not Hermione their daughter?”
“I have, but I don’t know if I can do it. I think I would slip up somehow.”
“What if we did our letter system again? Instead of a meeting, we write a different type of letter to them.”
“What would I even say?”
“I’ll give you the week to consider it and come up with your ideas, I’ll do the same. Next session, we’ll compare notes and see what the best approach is for you. How does that sound?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“You know that’s all I’ll ever ask.”
“I got it,” I scribbled notes down in my own personal journal, “I also wanted to focus on the dinner this week and how it went.”
“Sounds like a good plan. Did it go well? Any troubles?”
“No. Honestly, everything was amazing. I’d never been to Paris before.”
“Any anxiety issues while you were there?”
“No, just normal nerves. He was honestly a gentleman. He held every door open for me, pulled my chair out for me to sit. It was so strange.”
“He made you feel comfortable.”
“Exactly.”
“How did the evening go between the two of you?”
“Really good. We talked about books, mostly. I assume that’s been his vice during house arrest and all.”
“Does his history of house arrest or imprisonment concern you?”
“Similar to the rest of his history, no. I’m able to separate that from who he is as a person.”
“That’s good to hear. He seems to be a good friend to you.”
“We were able to have conversations that challenged my analysis of classic literature. It’s nice to be challenged.”
“It’s a good thing you challenge each other in other ways besides just war related topics. Do you feel that challenging one another is beneficial in any other ways?”
“I feel like he pushes me to be a better person in general. When we talk about hard topics, I feel like I can be honest. During the war, I did make decisions that killed people. We all had to make hard choices but I don’t feel judged by him for owning what I did.”
“Do you think that Pansy’s words about the two of you hold any weight after spending time with him separate from the group?”
“I think they might.”
Today feels like a sunny day, I feel so light.
“You think that you two make a good match?”
“I don’t want to place weight on that yet, but I enjoy being around him.”
“I’m glad you’ve found a person you can communicate with. Communication is a great quality for two people to share.”
“I agree.”
“So, back to the dinner. Were there any moments that surprised you? Anything else about that night that you want to discuss?”
“When I got home, I cried. It wasn’t a bad cry. I don’t quite know how to explain it but I just felt so light.”
“You felt light? Maybe free?”
“Free. That’s the right word. I felt so free after that I couldn’t keep my emotions in tact.”
“Do you think it was that moment that you let go of Ron in your mind?”
“What?”
“Nearly every session you’ve brought up an aspect of your relationship and friendship with Ron. Today, you solely focused on the new type of friendships that you’re forming. Do you think that you let go?”
“I,” I don’t know what to say, “I don’t know.”
“I think you should reflect on that over the next week.”
“I think I should too.”
“Was there anything else you wanted to focus on this week? We have about ten minutes left for this session.”
“Can I talk about my feelings for Draco? I just have a lot going on inside my head and need to get it out.”
“Of course.”
“I really am growing to like him. A lot. He’s been an amazing and supportive friend, just like Pansy, Blaise, Theo, Greg, and Ver. I’m so scared that it’s one sided and I don’t want to ruin it. I also just feel like it’s too soon. It hasn’t been enough time since the speech and since the incident. I don’t want their names drug through the mud if something gets put in the papers.”
“Might I make a suggestion?”
“Okay.”
“Theo has been wanting you to do a piece with him for Witch Weekly, correct?”
I nod.
“Do it. Share about your friendships with everyone in that group and how much you’ve grown and changed as a person. Be yourself and show your true self to the wizarding world. If anything were to ‘get out,’ then you’ve already beaten it to the reveal. It’s your choice in the end, but this would allow you to control the narrative about yourself for once.”
“That’s a really good idea.”
“Again, it’s your choice. I’m just putting things out there that we’ve discussed.”
“Okay, I feel better.”
“Are you ready for our check in?”
“Already know my answers! All no’s again today.”
“That’s good news, Hermione,” he wrote some things in his notes, “What focuses do you want to think about for the next session?”
“I think I want to focus on future plans. I always talk about the past and everything, but the future is what I can control now. I also want to circle back to the letter for my parents.”
“Great, I look forward to it.”
“Me too. Bye, Dr. Stone.”
“Goodbye, Hermione.”