Chapter 1
It's been a few months since Sirius destroyed everything. It especially destroyed Remus. Their friendship crumbled because of Sirius Black, a bastard who seems to leave only chaos and destruction in his wake. Because that's what he knows best, to destroy the good things in his life. Now unable to return to James, Sirius feels isolated and rejected. James was quite clear when he told him that he couldn't have him anymore, not as long as his presence made Remus feel bad. And Sirius understands that, he understands that he ruined everything by telling Snape. But he wanted at least a chance to explain himself before all his friends sent him back to the snake house.
So Sirius sits next to his brother in the train station, waiting for their house elf to come to greet them. Just like he had done every year until he ran away from that place. Regulus, though initially skeptical, accepted Sirius's presence at home and helped convince his parents to welcome him back. But it took weeks of convincing, because of course his brother wouldn't help him after abandoning him and ignoring him for a whole year. At least Sirius wouldn't have helped him if he were Regulus. But of course the two of them are not the same, that was actually the problem in their relationship.
But Sirius' return does not come without consequences. Even if his parents agreed to return home, that doesn't mean they'll welcome him back without punishing him. Sirius is prepared to accept anything, feeling for the first time that he deserves to be punished for his actions. And of course he promised Reg he wouldn't cause any trouble, he'd behave himself, just sitting there and putting up with it. As does his brother, by the way.
When they got home, his parents were already waiting in the living room with the stone faces that had haunted his mind since he left and the confident bodies that always made Sirius more afraid.
Sirius and Regulus stood squarely in front of his parents, knowing better than to speak out, not wanting anything to happen from day one. But Sirius knows it's inevitable in this family, because punishments are more welcome than air.
"Welcome home, boys," his mother says in a cold, distant tone. "Sirius, I hope you had fun with your pathetic game." she adds, his gaze burning her skin. Sirius had been thinking about how much fun he had had over the Potter Christmas break. The warmth of the house and the good smiles, then waking up to the reality of his home. "Thank Merlin that's over," she finished, and Sirius just raised his head slightly to look into his mother's cold, uncompassionate eyes.
-Regulus, go with me.- says his mother, and she sees Regulus raising his head quickly as if he wants to contradict himself but he doesn't get it.- Now!- the woman shouts, and Regulus follows her without further comments, leaving the room, leaving him in the living room with his father, as happens every time a punishment is administered, just him and the person who will hurt him. No witnesses, no onlookers or listeners. Only the one with power and the one without.
- Legilimecy!- shouted Orion, sending the spell towards Sirius without warning. Invading his mind, going to the memories. Weakening it, controlling it. Going through all the events of that year. Through all the parties and pranks and dates and arguments Sirius had been through. But with all his power, he hides the most important thing. Full moons.
When Orion was done, Sirius's legs had gone limp, falling to his knees, gasping in a panic attack, coming back to his own mind, then looking at his father's feet, barely having the strength to stand up.
"I hope you'll act like a true Black this time, Sirius. I don't want you to embarrass me anymore. I don't want you anywhere near those mudbloods and blood traitors," Orion commands, and Sirius feels how anger engulfs him, but he knows there's no point in resisting. He won't get a chance to get close to his friends even if he wanted to, and any attempt to start a fight is pointless. - All you've done for the past year is dress and act like a whore for that half blood, as long as you're part of this family, you'll be a respectable man who will marry a woman. And I'll kill the whore part of you. Before you were my heir.
"Yes, father," Sirius replied with his head still bowed, not having the courage to meet his father's gaze. Knowing it would make him angry if she did. He knows his father saw everything, but Sirius is glad he didn't see what was really important, not wanting to ruin Remus's life any more.
"And for what you have done this year, you will be punished," Orion says in a stiff voice. "Lift your head, boy," he called, and Sirius winced and slowly raised his head, meeting his father's gaze. Looking into eyes identical to his own. He then realizes too late that his father had already raised his wand again, and a sharp pain hits his face, making him feel like it's burning. He may or may not scream, but everything goes dark as another spell hits him.
* ∼ *
When he woke up, pain was shooting through his whole body, he didn't know what happened, but half of his face was bandaged and it was stinging him in the last hal. He was confused as to what happened because he doesn't remember anything until Regulus walked into the room with a worried look that Sirius hadn't seen on his singing brother's face since they were little.
-You're awake.- Regulus sighed in relief, a tear falling down his pale cheeks as he sat down next to Sirius, shivering, avoiding touching him, just staring intently at Sirius.
-What happened? Why do I feel like I'm back from the dead?- asks Sirius trying to get up but a pain runs through his whole body stopping him.
-Because maybe you were half dead for 2 weeks. It was better if you stayed with your friends, why did you have to go back?- says Regulus irritated, and Sirius becomes much more confused. What is his brother talking about? What friends? Where to stay?
-What friends are you talking about, Reggie? my only friend is you or you were until we argued.- Sirius says trying to understand but his brother looks at him with a look he can't really decipher. Then he thinks about why they're fighting and it's blank. "But why are we fighting?" Sirius asked, and Regulus's face was full of shock, wasting all the irritation he'd felt a few seconds ago.
-It's complicated. But how come you don't remember your friends?- Regulus answers as if it were obvious but Sirius doesn't understand what his brother is trying to say and gets irritated.
-Reggie, I don't have friends, I've always stayed with you even if we're in different houses. But I really don't understand why we are so far apart. I don't even remember anything about the last year.- says Sirius thinking about what he remembers and everything is vague and blurry.
-Siri, what do you remember exactly from when we went to Hogwarts?- Regulus asks horrified and Sirius somehow feels targeted by all these bizarre questions, but he's Reggie so he doesn't question anything, especially since Sirius doesn't know something what Regulus knows.
- Well, I left first and entered Gryffindor and I'm sitting in the room with three boys, Potter, the blood traitor, Pettigrew, and Lupin, the one with the scars. But I don't talk to them because mom and dad didn't leave me. So I have no friends, then you came along. Nothing else. It's just school, Reggie. It's just vague memories of classes and a fight with you.- says Sirius thinking about the small fragments of memories he has, then his and Regulus' voices caught in a big fight in the great hall, but he doesn't understand what he's shouting about .
-Siri, I think you've lost your memory.- Reggie stated looking worriedly at him, then focusing on the bandage on Sirius's face.
* ∼ *
Sirius was back at Hogwarts, unpacking his suitcase in his room, where it was still quiet because his classmates weren't here yet, apparently. And honestly Sirius is happier that way, because his father made it clear that if he talked to one of them he would burn the other half of his face, which Sirius found out he had done after Reggie told him what had happened when he got home when the vacation had begun.
Since then, his father has taken him to various official family gatherings where he was introduced as the heir, but not before he was coughed up to a size worthy of a Black, looking more presentable with the short black curls on his head. And even though he didn't want to give up his hair, he didn't want to cause trouble that could affect him or Regulus more. What he learned when he was silent instead of arguing. Thus he had had a peaceful holiday.
The scar on his face looked bad, and many people had stared at him because of it, but Sirius had ignored it, he didn't need beauty to be an heir anyway and he was still a Black after all and no one would dare comment from his face. And Sirius wasn't about to give details he didn't know either.
After Regulus had told him he had memory loss, they had both tried to find out as much information about it as possible, but Sirius had given up soon enough, because everything was fine as it was as long as he didn't argue with his father. Even though Reggie had insisted that he needed to go on and get his memories back because it was important, Sirius had told him that all that mattered was that he and Sirius were fine so they dropped the subject.
As he finished arranging his desk and closet, looking presentable and organized, the door opens and his 3 roommates walk in all loud and happy, already irritating Sirius, cursing the hat that sorted him into this house of shit.
But as soon as he notices Sirius sitting on his bed, he looks at him as if he didn't expect him to be there, which is strange because they never seemed to notice whether or not they were at the same time in the room, or maybe they did, Sirius doesn't know for sure.
-Why the hell are you staring at me like that? Sirius says irritably looking at the frozen boys by the door, now having a confused look on his face.
-Pads, who burned your beautiful face?- Lupin is the first to speak approaching Sirius and Sirius looks at him like he's a freak. What the hell are pads? Why does he care? And beautiful face?
-Who is Pads? I'm Sirius Black. - says Sirius angrily. How to forget his name. They've been roommates for 5 years already, it's rude even for people with a bad upbringing like theirs. - You know it's kind of rude to forget your roommate's name. - says Sirius looking at the exchange of looks between the three boys .
-Sirius, why are you acting like this? I know we argued but we still care about you.- Potter speaks now and Sirius feels the same way he did when he spoke to Regulus the first time he woke up, confused.
-What are you talking about? I've barely talked to you since we've known each other, what fight are you talking about?- asks Sirius looking again at the changes in looks between the three, getting more angry.
-Why do you keep looking at each other like freaks?- shouted Sirius angrily.- No wonder dad told me to stay away from blood traitors like you. You guys are freaks,” Sirius muttered loud enough for them to hear as he walked out of the room too irritated by the looks of those freaks, only to bump into a mudblood.
-Watch where you're going.- shouted Sirius walking on leaving the redhead, Evans thinks he was calling her, there looking just as strange as the others. What the hell is wrong with all the people in this house? Sirius wondered, upset that he was ruining his day from his first day back here. So, he decides to stay away from that room for a few hours. No one there would really care how long he was missing anyway, they never had. That's why he doesn't understand their looks and Lupin's question. He had never spoken to him before and suddenly now he cared. And why did he tell him he had a beautiful face, or more importantly why did that make Sirius blush or his heart skip a beat. That's strange. It shouldn't feel like this. It won't feel that way. Not for a half-blood. And especially not for a boy.