Chapter 24
Regulus
“Reggie, we’re having a game night!” Sirius announces happily over breakfast the next day.
Regulus nearly chokes on the oatmeal in his throat. He swallows the lump and scowls at his brother. This must be a joke.
“Uh-uh-uh! None of that!” Sirius waggles a finger at Regulus. “It’ll be fun!” he cheers.
Regulus raises an eyebrow.
“I do love a bit of competition.” James adds, munching on some toast.
“Exactly!” Sirius exclaims, nodding enthusiastically. “We’ll have a checkers tournament, and play Exploding Snaps, and Snitch Snatcher, and Remus says there’s this muggle game called Trouble—I have no idea what it is, but it sounds like it might be right up my alley!”
He’s so happy. Regulus isn’t sure if he’s ever seen Sirius so excited in his entire life. Of course, the only circumstances in which Regulus ever saw Sirius are either at Grimmauld Place or in the halls of Hogwarts, and the latter is usually while Barty and Evan are taunting some poor Gryffindor. Neither occasion leaves much room for joy or glee. Given how Regulus’s presence has been ruining Sirius’s whole life recently, he can’t possibly bring it upon himself to wreck the cheerful mood.
Regulus sits quietly and stirs his oatmeal as James and Sirius make plans about what games they should play, and in what order, and what teams would be fair in a game of charades. While Regulus is dead set against the “joys” of board games, it is rather pleasant to listen as Sirius makes a list of his favorite snack foods and James reminisces about the one and only time he’d ever seen his family fight. (It was over a game of monopoly and ended with Effie and Fleamont opening a fake joint bank account and James’s uncle agreeing to give any player whose piece was an ex-convict a low interest loan to get them back on their feet).
Regulus isn’t sure if the twisting in his gut is out of jealousy or disgust at Potter’s sickening family. He doesn’t have long to linger on it, though, because Remus appears in the doorway shortly after.
“Moony!” Sirius exclaims, launching himself at his boyfriend in a way that makes Regulus wonder if the man’s tea had been spiked with something stronger this morning. He didn’t see a bottle anywhere, but Sirius was already in the kitchen by the time Regulus got there.
Remus wraps his arm around the excitable Sirius.
James grins. “Moony! My love! I haven’t seen you in nearly twelve hours!” He mocks joyfully, flinging his arms around Remus and Sirius. “Oh, how painful it was to be apart, with no one to rub out my—”
“Okay! Okay!” Remus laughs, cutting James off. “I get it. It’s good to see you too, Pads.” He kisses the top of Sirius’s head and detangles himself from the embrace.
“And me? What about my kiss?” James jests.
Sirius puts his hands on his hips. “Kiss my boyfriend and I’ll flatten you.” He threatens.
“Aw, lay off him Sirius, James can have a kiss too.” Remus smiles cheekily and puckers his lips at James.
James laughs and ducks away. “Ah! You tosser! Keep your lips to yourself!”
Regulus stares down at the table, feeling like an awkward intruder on the moment. He shouldn’t be here. He doesn’t belong here. He traces slow circles on the wood with his forefinger, wishing he could melt into the floor and stop existing, wishing he could fade away and leave the three men to their jokes and laughter. They’d be so much happier if Regulus weren’t here, ruining the mood.
“We were just telling Regulus about game night.” James says, bringing the conversation back.
Remus turns his gaze to Regulus.
Regulus stares hard at the table.
“What say you, Regulus?” Remus asks, “Any game requests?”
Regulus wonders if he could burn a hole in the table with his eyes or if that kind of wordless, wandless magic is beyond his ability.
“Or snack requests?” Sirius adds hopefully. “Remus and I are going to go shopping today to pick some stuff up.”
This bit of news nearly breaks Regulus’s stare down with the furniture. Sirius is leaving the house? Finally?
Regulus isn’t sure if he’s grateful for the respite from his brother’s constant hovering, or if he’s offended that Sirius is over his worry enough to leave Regulus’s side.
“You could come, Reg.” Sirius prods.
Oh. So Sirius isn’t leaving Regulus’s side, he wants to drag Regulus with him. Well that’s not going to happen.
“Some fresh air will be good for you, pal!” Remus adds.
Regulus wants to punch Lupin in the face. Pal? Pal? Who is he trying to kid?
Regulus stands up from the table and goes back into his room. He tries to ignore the sad choked sound Sirius makes as he leaves.
Regulus closes the door to his room and walks over to the window. He stares out of it at the street beyond, trying to think nothing at all. He half-expects Sirius to come into the room and drag him out of it, but no one comes. He distantly hears the sound of the flat door opening and shutting and a moment later sees Sirius and Remus walking hand in hand on the street below. Sirius has his head resting against Remus’s shoulder as the two of them turn a corner. That’s it then; they’ve gone.
Regulus spends another few minutes staring out the window, then, unable to silence the voices in his head, he turns away and goes back into the living room.
James is sitting on the couch and is flipping through the newest Quidditch Supply Catalogue. Regulus is about to turn and leave again when James spots him. He lowers the catalogue.
“Someone on a Cleansweep broom wouldn’t stand a chance against the new Nimbus’s.” He frowns. “It doesn’t even come down to skill, the Nimbus’s are just so much faster and smoother that there’s no way someone riding an older model could keep up. It’s not much of a problem in the professional leagues, of course, they can all afford to go out and buy the latest gear, but what about at Hogwarts? Not every student can afford a broom of their own, let alone something as expensive as a Nimbus. It puts them at a total disadvantage! Plus, where’s the fun in a broom with self-guided lane lock or anti-fall charms?” he shakes his head and tuts disapprovingly.
Regulus stares blankly at James. It’s clearly a rhetorical question, but Regulus isn’t sure how to respond. Why is Potter even talking to him?
James sighs and holds out the magazine. “Take a look at these stats.” James says, “Any player on a Nimbus has a huge leg up and the only thing they did to get it is have money! Quidditch is about skill, agility, split-second decisions! You’re a seeker, surely you understand what I mean.”
James is usually so chipper and easy-going, Regulus isn’t sure he’s ever seen him so worked up. It’s a pretty tame “worked up”, but for James, it’s a notable disgruntlement. James’s usually messy hair is particularly mussed and his jaw set in a hard line. He even has a frustrated little crease on the dark skin of his forehead that looks most out of place. Regulus almost wants to reach down and smooth it out.
By that, he means he wants to reach down and wipe that stupid expression right off of Potter’s stupid face. Yeah. That’s it. Regulus is surprised Potter even remembers that he’s a seeker, they only played a couple matches against each other before Potter graduated, and they certainly didn’t interact on the field.
Regulus realizes he’s been staring at Potter for an unnecessary amount of time, and not knowing what else to do, he reaches out for the magazine, then sits himself down in an armchair. As soon as he opens the magazine, James looks away and pulls a book off of the coffee table.
Regulus stares at the article, not really reading, but just enjoying the silence. It’s so much quieter without Sirius around. Regulus fiddles with the corner of the glossy paper, thinking about the impending hell that is tonight’s game night. Regulus isn’t much of a game person. They didn’t own any games back at Grimmauld place, (mother thought them a silly waste of time). He and Sirius did find a deck of self-shuffling cards in the basement once that they used to fuss around with, but mother put a quick end to that when she found them gambling with the dining room silver in a heated game of Go Fish. In his first couple years at Hogwarts Regulus played all the usual games with his friends, but he couldn’t get rid of Walburga’s voice telling him what a stupid childish waste it was. Perhaps that’s why Sirius liked games. He did so love to do annoy Mother. The only game Regulus ever had an interest in was chess, for about a year he’d spend everyday playing and strategizing. He even drew little diagrams and pieces of games in his notes during particularly boring classes. It got to the point that by Easter of second year, all the other Slytherins refused to play him because he was too good. Regulus lost interest shortly after that and hasn’t played a game since.
“I can tell you’re not excited for game night.” James says, setting aside the book he was reading.
Regulus’s head snaps up in shock. How does Potter always seem to know what he’s thinking? Is this what emotional intelligence looks like?
James doesn’t seem alarmed by Regulus’s surprised expression. He just chuckles a little. “When Sirius proposed it, I thought you were going to throttle him!”
Regulus thought he hid his initial reaction better, but apparently Potter is more observant than he thought.
“It is kind of you to let Sirius have this, though.” James continues, “I think he needs it. I mean, my God, did you see him this morning? He was like an excited little puppy!”
Regulus can’t help but smirk. That is the perfect description of his brother.
James sets his book aside and leans forward a bit, resting his elbows on his knees. “I know board games aren’t for everyone, but we’ll make a good time of it!”
Regulus continues to stare blankly at the boy.
James seems undeterred by Regulus’s coolness, and sighs happily, slouching back into the couch.
Regulus can tell he’s winding up for one of his long-winded stories about how great it was to grow up as James Potter.
James throws an arm across the back on the couch as he talks, his shirt tightening against his muscular chest.
Regulus tries to look away.
“I remember this one Christmas when I was a kid, my grandma gave me this one board game, Reversi, I think. Anyway, for weeks it was all I wanted to play, and I mean all I wanted to play. Between Christmas and New Years my parents must’ve been forced into a hundred rounds with me. I don’t know how they put up with it! But come New Year’s, they had to go back to work and whatever stuff grown-ups do when they aren’t on holiday, so I was left with no one to play with. I don’t have siblings, see, and I didn’t meet Pete until the next year, so it really was just me most of the time. For a few weeks, I would set up the game and play both sides by myself. I’d try to pretend I didn’t know the strategy that the other-side me was using so it would be an interesting game. Usually, at some point in the game I’d end up rooting for one side of me over the other. Which is ridiculous because I was both sides, it doesn’t make much sense to favor one me over the other.” James shrugs nonchalantly before continuing.
“I used to get so worked up over it, wanting the me I was rooting for to win so badly that I’d get really upset if I made a bad move or missed a good one. I even flipped the board once, I was so furious at some little mistake I made.” James huffs a funny little laugh.
“It wasn’t even satisfying to flip the board, because it was only me I was getting mad at.” His face sinks to s contemplative look.
“I never played it against myself after that.” He says, “I didn’t think about it much at the time, but looking back, I guess I was scared. I didn’t like feeling mad at myself like that. I didn’t like how competitive and self-critical I was over something so small.”
Regulus isn’t sure why Potter is telling him this. He isn’t sure why Potter is talking to him at all. Really, it doesn’t seem like James is talking to him at all, more like James is talking and Regulus just happens to be here. Still, it seems like a rather vulnerable story to hear from his estranged brother’s best friend. Not that Regulus has any pity for him. Poor little Potter, angry at himself because he lost a board game. He has no idea what it’s really like to be mad at yourself, not really.
James shrugs out of his thoughts, “Point is, it must have been nice to have Sirius to play with growing up. It’s more fun to flip boards when there’s someone else on the receiving end of it.
Regulus raises a bored eyebrow at James, who just smiles in return. “I’m glad you’re going to be playing with us. Maybe you’ll balance us out a bit. Remus is too smart for his own good, Sirius is an absolute cheater, and I, well, the others say I get too competitive, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to win, that’s the whole point!”
Regulus rolls his eyes. It doesn’t matter how he reacts; it’s becoming increasingly clear that Potter just likes to talk. He doesn’t need an active audience.