Chapter 5
Sirius
Sirius saw the light go on. He’d been watching the door carefully, just in case Regulus decided he needed something. Good thing he did.
Sirius hovers in the doorway, trying to figure out what it is that made Regulus turn on the light and sit up in bed.
He looks so small under the covers. He barely makes any lump under the blankets at all. If Regulus were to pull the quilt over his head, he might disappear completely.
Regulus is not quite making eye contact with Sirius, but looking back and forth from Sirius’s general direction to the hands he’s wringing in his lap. His face is still blank and empty, but Sirius can see the heightened rise and fall of his chest.
That used to happen to Regulus, sometimes. He’d get all worked up about something and start breathing hard or tapping his knee or wringing his hands. It seemed to stop after he started school, but maybe not. Maybe Sirius just stopped noticing.
Sirius closes the door and comes over to the bed.
“How about I stay here, tonight?”
Regulus doesn’t move, but he doesn’t object. Sometimes, it’s hard for him to move when this happens.
Sirius climbs in and sits next to Regulus. He feels his brother’s muscles relax ever so slightly.
“Lay down, I’ll get the lamp” Sirius says.
Regulus does.
Sirius reaches over and turns out the light, then sinks back into the bed. It is a familiar position. They used to share a bed all the time when they were little, and Mother had been particularly mean. Regulus always got off easy, rarely even getting yelled at. He was the Golden Child, the good one. Sirius, though, Sirius knew how to take their mother’s anger. He’d distract her, and while she started in on Sirius, Regulus would slip away unharmed. When it was all said and done, Sirius would sneak into Reg’s room to find the boy buried in his bed with the pillow pressed tight over his ears, trying to block it all out. He always was a sensitive soul. Sirius would climb into the bed, just like he did tonight, and wrap his arms protectively around his brother. He would wipe Regulus’s tears and curl up against him, telling him everything would be okay, he’d be okay. If only it were true. If only he were.
Regulus doesn’t fall asleep right away. For hours, he tosses and turns next to Sirius, rolling this way and that, never settling. Sirius tries to hold still, to be a calming, sturdy rock, but it’s not really in his nature. He feels anxious. His brain is ticking away in his skull, twisting and turning as much as Regulus is.
It takes hours, but Regulus does eventually still. Tucked into the crook of Sirius’s arm, he finally falls asleep.
Slowly, Sirius gets out of the bed, easing his weight off of the mattress so as not to wake Regulus. He would lay there with Reg forever, if he could. He would lie by his side and never leave him ever again, but he’s feeling too antsy, too nervous. He has to get up and move.