Chapter 1
It was inevitable really. He had always loved the things he knew he shouldn't have. In a way, he liked that it destroyed him.
First had been the little muggle boy he'd watched play in the park out of the window in the attack of Grimmauld Place. He had had pretty blond hair and ran around chasing imaginary dragons all by himself and had seemed to have not a care in the world. Regulus's heart ached for the carefree lighthearted play that the boy could have as he pleased. Regulus was locked inside, unable to leave with naught for company but Kreacher, who, although he tried his hardest, was no replacement for having real human friends.
Second, had been Gryffindor. There was a photo that Sirius had send him before he joined Hogwarts of him and his friends sat on a scarlet couch with the warm golden light of an open fire illuminating their faces. They smiled, and Sirius had his arm around a tanned boy with glasses, who was smirking. Regulus had the photo hidden in the bottom of his trunk, and sometimes when the Slytherin dorms felt a little cold he would take it out and stare at it a while. He wished he could go back to the day he'd been sorted and force the hat to put him with his brother, rather than accepting the hat's choice of Slytherin.
Third was the little white lines. He'd discovered it in his fourth year, a muggle concoction that he could take and it would make his pain go away for a little while. He wouldn't say he had a problem, per say, but he certainly used it to escape his problems more than he should. He loved the way it made him feel, the high where nothing in the world could make him sad. But he knew it would kill him the second he took it too far. The nosebleeds were the warning of that.
Fourth was the worst love. Curly brown hair, golden skin, soft hazel eyes and a bloody cocky smirk that did things to Regulus that he didn't plan on ever telling anyone about, ever. It was a love that he admired from afar, in the form of his brother's best friend. It was horrible, disgusting, wrong, the things he felt for James Potter, but he couldn't help it. It had always been inevitable.
***
Regulus stared down at his breakfast and lazily pushed a piece of egg around his plate with his fork. His eyes drifted unwillingly to the Gryffindor table, where James had his arm slung 'round the short blonde one who was laughing at something Sirius said. He looked so happy. Regulus tore his eyes back to the cold egg.
He felt like someone had run him over with a Pegasus and then filled his head with flu. It was normal, he knew it would pass in a day or two, but it didn't make him feel any less achey.
"Eat something Reg." Barty muttered, nudging him. Regulus shook his head.
"Feel like shit."
"So do I Reg but you gotta eat something. Else it'll just last longer."
Regulus dropped his fork with a clatter and covered his face with his hands. He knew he should eat, hell- he was hungry, but looking at the cold egg that had spread oil around his plate he felt sick. He just wanted to curl up and die, or better take more of thevtiny crystals so he'd feel good again. He had run out though, and couldnt get anymore til the next hogsmeade trip in a week and a half. Not easily anyway.
Barty elbowed him again and he looked up "What?"
"Quiddich practise later, you need to get a grip. I feel just as shit right now mate, but im not hamming it up."
True.
"Alright fine," Regulus groaned, grabbing a piece of dry toast and standing up, "Im going to the library."
"I'll join you, I’ve got Charms homework."
As they walked out of the hall Regulus felt eyes on his back. Not turning to look for the offender, he walked faster, heading to the library where he could hide and bury himself in ancient books until he had to go down to the pitch.
Time flew by, with Barty scribbling away next to him on a long piece if parchment, and soon it was 2pm. He kicked Barty'a chair, making him look up.
"Going to practise. Ill see you later."
He nodded and shook his hair back into his face, continuing his writing.
On the pitch the air was chilly, dampness biting his cheeks despite it being mid afternoon. In the sky the sun was fighting desperately to burn through the thick layer of clouds muffling the grounds like a blanket.
Gryffindor players were in the sky, about to finish their session. Regulus stood leaning against the door of the changing room with one shoulder, his leg crossed over his broom; his team weren't due for another quarter hour. The players swooped around like bloody red and gold birds. His eyes fixed on one particular splash of colour, who was moving easily between the hoops as if he was born to be in the air. Regulus watched unashamedly, nobody was here to witness it.
Finally he heard Potter shout and the players landed and began to bustle towards the changing rooms, though he remained in the sky. Regulus strutted onto the pitch and jumped onto his broom, speeding into the air and drawing level with the Gryffindor captain. His headache was almost gone now he was in the sky, and he felt the need to do something.
The answer came in the form of James turning his broom so that it was next to Regulus's. He ignored the way his heart fluttered at being in close proximity, he grinned deviously and looked at James. He pulled a knut from his pocket and tossed it in his palm.
"I’ll chuck this down, whoever catches it gets pitch priority next week hmm?"
James smirked his stupid little smirk and Regulus hardened his jaw.
"Game on Black."
Regulus raised an eyebrow and threw the coin high into the air, gripping his broom as if began to fall and he dove after it. He could feel James rushing next to him, shoulder to shoulder as they dove steeply, so fast that Regulus felt weightless. He could see the ground approaching fast but his eyes were fixed on the tiny bronze disc flashing as it spun just ahead of them.
James rammed his body sideways into Regulus in an attempt to throw him off course, and Regulus returned the gesture, grinning as they sped on. When they reached about 2 meters from the grass, Regulus wandlessly disappeared the coin and veered upwards in a harsh wrongski feint. James was not so fast and had registered the coin's disappearance too late, crashed into the ground, his broom jamming into the soft turf like some sort of weird tree.
The younger boy swung round on his broom, grinning in triumph.
"Classy, Potter. Real classy." he snickered, before flying off into the sky again to wait for his teammates. James sent him a glare that would make most people cower, but it fueled Regulus's ego and success at having just fucked over the school's 'best seeker'. He watched as James yanked his broomstick out of the ground and left for the changing rooms, just as the first of the Slytherin team began to emerge onto the pitch.
***
Practise passed smoothly and Regulus dismissed his team after an hour to go back to the castle, just as it had started to rain.He set down his Nimbus and packed the practice balls back into the box, waving his wand to send it to the Quidditch cupboard and his broom back to its locker.
Then he stuck his hands in the pockets of his flying robes and headed to the changing rooms, in hope of a hot shower.
The changing rooms were empty, the last of his team just leaving as he entered, so he headed straight into the showers. Discarding his robes and boots, he stepped under the steaming water and sighed. Face upturned to the water, he felt it run down his body and soothe his aching muscles, washing the splattered mud and dirt off his skin.
Finally, he wrapped a towel around his hips and went back into the changing area when he found his back up against the wall and his hands pinned on either side of him.
"What the fuck was that Black. Think you’re funny do you?"
James. James had him pinned against a wall.
Regulus couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn’t do anything except for look up at James, who had an infuriating 4 inches on Regulus's height.
"Cat got your tongue, hmm?" James mused, apparently noticing Regulus's flustered state.
He dragged his eyes down Regulus's bare wet torso, the v-line at his hips and thin train of hair below his naval disappearing below the towel, them back up his chest, flickering on his lips and then back to his eyes.
Regulus swallowed and forced out a laugh. "Like what you see Potter?"
It was James's turn to be lost for words, and he noticed a slight blush pigmenting the taller boy's cheeks. He bit his lip.
"Fuck off Black." he muttered, not moving.
Regulus raised an eyebrow "Might have escaped your attention in that sawdust filled brain of yours, but I can't actually do that, because you've got me pinned to a wall."
James stuttered and released his wrists, taking a step back. His eyes continued to flicker up and down Regulus's body.
"If you're quite done checking me out, i would like to get dressed Potter"
"Fine!" James raised his hands "Though i'm not forgiving you for earlier." and with that he turned and left quite abruptly.
What the fuck? Regulus thought, and then oh fuck.
Evidently he had quite liked being pinned to the wall half naked by James Potter.