Chapter 2
Shit shit shit shit shit shit. What was he thinking?
James had majorly fucked up. Not only had he failed to properly confront Regulus about being a twat, he had checked him out.
He was going to die.
He had been so close they could've kissed.
Hands in pockets, head down, jaw clenched tightly he walked up to the dorm. He was such an idiot . What was Regulus gonna think- he saw him staring. He'd probably hate him, it was weird and uncalled for and James had no excuses.
He had just been caught off guard by the fact that 1, Regulus was shirtless and straight out of the shower, and 2, he was more attractive than James had ever imagined. Not that James imagined him shirtless. Because that would be weird.
"You good Prongs?" Remus was sitting on his bed, book in lap and sirius was in dog form curled up at his feet.
James just groaned and fell face first onto his pillows.
"Ill take that as a 'no fuck off Moony.'," Remus chuckled, turning back to his book. James made a noise of frustration which was muffled by his pillow, and thumped the mattress half heartedly.
He lay there for the better part of half an hour, his brain reeling with hundreds and thousands of horrible outcomes that could happen because of his actions. There was a very very small chance that perhaps Regulus hadn’t found it weird, but he quickly pushed that possibility out of his mind.
Don't be an idiot James .
Finally he rolled over onto his back and covered his face with his hands.
"Moony?" Remus looked up, "I think ive made a very very big mistake."
The werewolf raised an eyebrow, his hand stroking Sirius's head, who had moved up to lay across his lap. "What did you do this time James?"
"See that's the thing; I can't actually tell you. It’s just a terribly grave mistake."
"Oh." Remus mused, his tone sounding slightly amused, "and why can't you tell me?"
"Because you guys will judge me," James replied, still covering his face with his hands, "and I don't want that."
“Ah," Remus nodded.
James was silent again. Maybe he should tell Remus, he was good with this sort of stuff. Remus wouldn't judge him. Remus would probably know what to do. But Sirius was here, and Sirius would kill him .
There was a rustle of duvet, and then Sirius's voice whispered: "I know his secret Moonykins."
No you don't.
"Jamie secretly has a huge crush on me!"
Remus let out a laugh, and James stuck his middle finger up in the direction of Remus's bed.
Oh if you knew how wrong you are Sirius.
***
James found his eyes drifting to the Slytherin boy more frequently than he would have liked, and pretended he absolutely wasn't doing it. He had started noticing his little mannerisms how he had a habit of clenching and unclenching his jaw when he was thinking, and how he twirled his fork around his thumb during meal times. Once he had been doing that and the dark haired one, he thought his name was Barry or something, had said something to Regulus and the fork had gone flying, narrowly missing Rabastan. James had tried so hard to muffle his laughter at the scene that his Pumpkin juice had ended up dripping out of his nose and Sirius had had to whack him on the back for him to stop coughing.
Regulus also seemed to have a natural exhausted expression that his face fell into whenever he thought nobody was looking. He looked tired enough as it is with the dark circles under his eyes and his deathly pale skin that lacked the sun-bronzing his brother's had, and the expression made that tenfold.
James wondered what made him so tired, because he never seemed to look any better, in fact he seemed to be getting worse. James's concern peaked in the middle of the next week, when he was late for Potions.
He had forgotten his book and had been on his way back to the dorm to collect it when he heard frantic hushed voices. Tugging the Invisibility Cloak out of his bag, he threw it over his shoulders and crept closer.
"Are you sure he said he can't get any?", Regulus hissed. His face was partially concealed in the shadows, and he didn't sound angry, just tired.
"Nope. He made it quite clear that he's 'not going to be getting involved with Black's fucking Dust problem' and that you need to find some new gooney to talk to them or do it yourself."
What the hell is Dust?
"Well Mulciber is a wanker, fuck him." Regulus sounded mildly annoyed now "and I dont have a fucking problem. If I have a problem, so do you.
"Yes, I'm aware of that Regulus, but that's not the point."
There was a long pause in which neither of them moved, James not daring to move closer in case they heard him.
"Barty, what am I supposed to do?" he turned and leaned his head against the wall, his previous anger having dissipated as quickly as it arrived. Barty- that was his name - shook his head softly leaning against the wall with his head back against it, exposing his neck. Regulus let out a sob and James felt his heart clench at the pure pain in the sound.
"What the fuck am I going to do!" his voice was louder now, bordering on yelling, and Barty pushed himself up off the wall, watching carefully, unsure of how to help.
"IM FUCKING HURTING, BARTY!" Regulus swung his fist into the stone wall, hard enough for James to hear a crack from his distance away. “I'm fucking hurting and I don’t know how to make it stop." He let out another gut wrenching sob and sunk down, his back against the wall.
James was torn between rushing to give him a hug and telling him it would be alright, and leaving because he felt like he was intruding on something personal that he shouldn't be seeing. Finally he decided on the latter, as the first option would mean he had witnessed the whole conversation and he didn't think that would be a nice interaction. He glanced over at the pair of 5th years once more; Barty had crouched down next to Regulus and was whispering, his hand on Regulus's forearm.
James turned away from them and headed back to his original task, head reeling. He didn't understand exactly what he had just witnessed, but he knew it confirmed his suspicions about regulus not being entirely okay. He collected his potions textbook and returned to the dungeon.
"Where have you been, Mr Potter?", Slughorn asked, evidently less than pleased at James turning up to class 15 minutes late.
"I, uh, got lost?" James tried, giving him a charming smile.
"I don't even want to ask," the professor sighed. “Open your textbook to page 19, we're brewing the Drought of Living Death. If your potion is less than perfect, you can see me after class tomorrow at 7 o'clock, for your detention."
He nodded and rifled through his textbook, setting up his brewing stand next to Sirius.
"Where have you been?"
"Tell you later," James muttered, "overheard some fifth year having a mental breakdown."
"Alright."
***
"So, what's 'Dust'?" James asked the other Marauders that evening.
Peter tossed all of them a square of chocolate to all of them, sitting down onto his bed across from James. "Pretty sure it's some slang for that drug muggles use. Heard mum and dad talking about it over the summer, cocaine or whatsit? Bloody expensive apparently,"
"Oh," James replied, "and thanks for the chocolate by the way,"
"So who's doing coke then Prongs? Is it that 5th year you mentioned?"
James nodded, grateful that his mouth was full.
"Quite nice stuff honestly, makes you feel like you're flying" Remus raised an eyebrow at him "What? Found some lying about the house last summer, thought I'd give it a try."
James laughed "of course you did Pads, Jesus Christ of all people of course it would be you."
And he laughed along with his friends, pushing aside the worry about Regulus. It was neither his business or his responsibility, so he'd think about it another time.