City of stars

 LA LA LAND

chapter I, Another day of sun.

☆

It’s without a nickel to her name that Sirius moved to LA, driven by the desire to make her dreams of being on the big screen true.

There might be a thousand more like her, and there are, wishing the same thing. However that does not deter her, most days. Los Angeles is a city buzzing, lively, never sleeping, never unmoving. Every little croon of the city hides a new opportunity making the reaching for the stars seem all the more achievable.

Los Angeles’ rays of sun carry hope, painting his whole life with it.

Behind these hills I'm reaching for the heights

And chasing all the lights that shine

And when they let you down, you'll get up off the ground

As morning rolls around, and it's another day of sun

 
Sirius is working in a coffee shop in Warner bros, along with their auditions of course, one of the quieter corners of the massive studios that seems to be more like a small village. It’s with bright eyes and awe written in her face that she manages the till whenever actresses and actors come in, walking swiftly up the counter, ordering with a smile and insisting on not only paying, but leaving a generous tip whenever the staff says it’s on the house. Then they will give another smile, full of security and grace, put their too expensive sunglasses on and walk out the cafe to get into one of those carts that move around the studios, no doubt taking them to a movie or series set where their talent finds ground to flourish.

It’s encouraging and gives her a different kind of rush in her heart, as if seeing a glimpse of what her life will be. As if life is giving her a preview, a small taste of what’s to come so the stars make sure she doesn’t give up. Like a pat on the back, a reassurance that her efforts are not fruitless, pushing her and pushing her towards what her heart desires.

But of course this is Los Angeles, full of aspiring artists. More talented, prettier. Sometimes watching them  get a job, get recruited and move on can make her feel as if she’s being left behind, with nothing to do but sit in a cinema chair and watch the big screen full of people that are not her. It can be disheartening.

When life gets hard like this, well, she’s got her friends.

chapter II, someone in the crowd.

☆

Mary, Dorcas and Emmeline are a force to be reckoned with.

Especially when they feel Sirius needs it. Especially when they want to go out.

You look blue, Mary informs her with a tilt of her head and Sirius goes on to brush her off with a reassuring smile.

They’re headed to a party, they told her about it but apparently she forgot. Better than to let her wallow in the house, they say. Sirius protests that reading her lines for the upcoming audition can barely qualify as wallowing but what does she know?

You make the right impression, then everybody knows your name

We're in the fast lane

They try to lure her with promises of networking, meeting important people, maybe even that one important person. They dance, they laugh, they try to lift her spirits. They bring out her blue dress that compliments her eyes, try to get her to fix her hair, even sing to her.

Do what you need to do, ‘til they discover you
and make you more than who you’re seeing now
So when the stars aligned-

“I think I’ll stay behind.” She cuts off.

“You’ve got to go and find that someone in the crowd.” Is the last thing Dorcas throws over her shoulder before the door closes behind her.

The words are echoing in her mind as soon as she falls on her bed.
What she needs to do.
A city that never sleeps.
She will be discovered.

When the stars align.

She’s out the door in a second, blue dress moving with the breeze, girls grinning at the sight of her and filling the road with roaring laughter and promises for what the night has in store for them.

A glam party, full of champagne, numbers exchanged and promises of introduction. People climbing up the society, in a new realm of art and flashing lights.

She’s supposed to be networking or even find something else, akin to love. Someone is the crowd that could lift her off the ground.

Although, she thinks she’s he’s more interested in finding Sirius, her future self that she longs to be. Find that place, in the future, that version of herself and how to get there.

She decides to leave with the certainty that the girls will not mind, or notice her absence.

Her car has been towed and her face falls because, of course. Of course that would happen after a party she didn’t want to go to, the night before her morning shift, and most importantly, while she’s in heels.

They start walking the downhill road to find a gas station where she can borrow a phone to call about her car. It’s the sound of the piano that makes her come to a halt, stopping in the middle of the alleyway under a small unsuspecting neon sign that reads ‘Lipton’s’ .

It’s the melody that lures her in the dim lit bar, like stumbling upon a hidden wonder. Something incredibly moving. Something that feels like herself.

chapter III, stars aligned.

☾

Remus is annoyed.

And also an aspiring musician. In LA. What’s new?

He basically belongs in a good 70% percent of California’s population that struggles to make it which of course is undeniably hard for any musician, let alone a jazz enthusiast living amongst synth-pop lovers. What a life.

His sister, Juno, insists on calling him a hermit in her accusing tone of hers. He’s not a hermit, not really. He’s just.. grieving a bit, He just lost a place that would be perfect for his musician vision to a “samba-tapas” bar. Seriously.

He’s not pretentious per se, nor a snob. It’s just hard knowing what you want, trying to voice it in a world that refuses to listen to him.

No matter the nature of a setback, he does not give up on his dreams. Remus has a plan, a serious one.

He likes to try, work hard for his passion and likes to extend his romantic view on life on his misfortunes as well. Just another obstacle that will make his dream taste sweeter.

He’s playing at places that will not let him show his talent in a way that matters, refuse to see his vision and won’t listen unless it’s something boring and repetitive. Like tonight. He’s playing Jingle Bells for God’s sake.

It’s the repetition, the ongoing rumble of the tables around him and how much of what he’s playing can only be considered as background noise that makes him do it. He usually knows better and refrains. He’s been in check all night, but the restaurant is emptying and his fingers seem to have a mind of their own when after a brief intermission the keys melt into something otherworldly, a melody that doesn’t have a name, wasn’t written as a lullaby or a christmas jingle. It has a purpose of its own and its to speak the musings of his heart.

Something erupts inside, spilling all over the keys from his fingers. 

It’s wonderful, it speaks, it lives.

It seems that there’s only one person that has been listening to him, standing by the door looking at him in awe, feeling understood in a sea of chart lovers.

And… he’s fired.

chapter IV, a lovely night.

☆

It’s weeks later with spring blooming that she’s found herself in a brunch pool party, which is a silly name because there is no brunch at all. There’s music, the pool, and a vast range of fancy cocktails accompanied by finger foods she can not name.

She manages to escape the man in the suit that has been talking to her for a better part of an hour, more interested in hearing his own voice than anything else, when she sees him.

There he is, the incredibly mean and ridiculously talented man who ran out on her after ignoring her, nudging her shoulder ungracefully as he went.

He’s in what could be described as 80s attire, with a red jacket, a white tank top and mustard yellow trousers playing… pop.

Sirius sees his dedication in playing but he also notices the tightness in his jaw and oh she’s so petty for this but the minute the front-man asks for suggestions it’s her arm that shoots up first.

“I ran.”, is her silly request and feels smug at the double take he does, recognition dawning on his face as he starts playing with a disapproving shake of his head.

He’s onto her, playing half-heartedly as Sirius starts dancing as if she’s performing the song with them, as if it’s her he’s playing for. She’s mocking him, enjoying it thoroughly before she stops, offering him a grin before she disappears.



It’s a few minutes later that he finds her in a corner of the veranda nursing a soda, admitting to being a jerk and apologising before claiming that requesting “I ran” to a serious musician is much more vile than his rudeness. Sirius finds the whole ordeal hilarious and proceeds to make fun of his attire.

They start a playful banter, him mocking her for being a barista and her mocking him for how much of a serious musician he looks until the front-man walks by and tells him it's time for the next set with a firm pat on his chest.

He looks almost offended and Sirius is so thoroughly amused by the look on his face, even more when he tries to defend himself by saying; “ He doesn’t.. I don’t… he doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“He just told you what to do.” Sirius points out with tongue in cheek.

“I know. I let him.” He explains and looks almost as if he's given up on the whole interaction before he speaks again. “What’s your name?”

“Sirius.”

“Sirius” he repeats before reaching for his ridiculous sunglasses and putting them on. “Guess I’ll see you in the movies.” He says, offering her a stupid smirk before leaving.

Sirius finds herself cornered by the narcissist in a suit once again when she sees him again.

They call for him under the pretence of asking him to grab her keys for her, taking anything and everything to escape from the man who does not know how to read the room to save his life. Or her life, in this case. (She’s been clutching her back for 20 minutes now trying to think of a way to escape.)

He decides to be even more annoying by raising his eyebrows expectantly, acting as if he doesn’t hear her until she says “please”, to which he replies with a  “There we go.”

He gets her keys for her and they make a swift exit, both of them walking up the hill.

“It’s pretty strange that we keep running into each other.” Sirius points out at some point while looking for her car.

“It is strange.” He agrees, albeit hesitantly. “Maybe it means something.”

“I doubt it.” Sirius dismisses and he’s quick to agree to that as well.

“Yea, I don’t think so.”

He tells her something about putting the keys to your car under your chin to make your head work as an antenna, and they’re fairly sure he’s mocking her but she pretends to be frightened by the fact nonetheless.

They eventually reach a clearing with a bench and a wonderful view of Los Angeles painted in the purple hues of the sunset.

They’re both too stubborn to admit how beautiful it is, more keen on agreeing on how ‘it’s not much to see’ and how they’ve ‘seen better’.

“We've stumbled on a view that's tailor-made for two. What a shame those two are you and me.” He begins, making Sirius squint her eyes because she knows where this is going. He goes on about how this view, this beautiful sky and twinkling lights might appeal to someone else, but since it’s only her and him there’s no shot.

“This could never be, you’re not the type for me. And there’s not a spark in sight.” he says, and Sirius is scoffing now. How obnoxious can he be? Well, Sirius never claimed there was a spark, never even hinted the tiniest bit of attraction towards him. He’s too pretentious and weird for her taste.

“What a waste of a lovely night. ” He concludes, making Sirius’ irritation spike (with the assistance from one’s wounded ego).

Waste? Two can play this game.

“You say there's nothing here? Well, let's make something clear, I think I'll be the one to make that call.” She’s never been so adamant and set on convincing someone of the dislike she nourishes for them. She doesn’t really know who it is she’s trying to convince, though.

“What’s your call?” He asks with a hint of suspicion.

“And though you looked so cute, in your polyester suit-”

“It’s wool.” He interrupts, his tone almost offended, giving Sirius the satisfaction of getting a rise out of him.

“You’re right, I’d never fall for you at all.” Sirius continues with a sardonic smile. It's the twitch of his lips that makes her go on, although if it's a twitch of amusement or annoyance she doesn’t know. All she knows is that they’re dancing around each other in this fragile-ego-game and she doesn’t want to stop. “Maybe this appeals to someone not in heels, or to any girl that feels there’s some chance for romance.” She shrugs, excitement running through her veins. “ But , I’m frankly feeling nothing.”

“Is that so?” Definitely amusement, then.

“Or it could be less than nothing.” Sirius presses, a finger tapping on her chin in mock contemplation just to see him try to hide his smirk.

“Good to know.” He’s humouring her, Sirius can tell. “So, you agree?”

“That’s right.” She says decisively.

What a waste of lovely night

They’re dancing now, moving in sync as if having an entire different conversation whenever their eyes meet between twirls and steps. There’s a chemistry there, something intense but unidentifiable growing from within, as if their souls are in on the joke, mocking them for acting the way they do.

The sun has almost disappeared now and the purples have started giving way to blues as Sirius’ heart is dancing, a smile grazing her lips and her chest moves with each panting breath. It beats faster when she notices the identical smile on his lips as well.

And now they’re close, closer than before, so close that Sirius can’t think, can’t make anything of it. It’s their chests moving, their eyes challenging when they’re interrupted by her phone ringing.

She reaches for her bag in mild disappointment, answering the call only to find out it’s… oh, her boyfriend. Right.

She ends the call quickly, the moment ending with it, pushing away the guilt and telling herself that nothing happened to make her feel that way, even if the tightness in her stomach argues. She feels as if something has blossomed tonight without her knowledge.

They find their car soon after and offer to drive him to his own car in a failed attempt to stave off their inevitable departure. He kindly refuses.

He holds the door for her as Sirius gets in her car, passing her her heels which she’d taken off for the sake of dancing.

“What’s your name?” She asks before he can close the door for her.

He looks a bit surprised but as soon as the question registers his face melts into something kinder.

“Remus.” He offers, and she smiles.



☾

Remus walks to his car, gets in, and Sirius’ soft smile is still playing on his mind.

He starts the car and starts driving, feeling as if something vital has transpired.

As if he’s trying to read between the lines of a pentagram, lines filled with keys he’s never known before.

It was quite a lovely night.


chapter V, wonderful and new.

☆

Sirius, for all the love she harbours for her life, has some shitty days.

One of them is today.

She’d much rather be outside having the spring breeze hit her face and bring with it scents of flowers and coffee.

Instead she’s at work and has to deal with entitled customers (who accuse her of not being given a gluten-free drink even though they never specifically  asked for one) and awful bosses who apparently ‘don’t care if you have an audition this Friday’ even though she’s put it down on the programme last week that this Friday will be her day off.

But the day suddenly looks a brighter because on her way back to deal with the annoying customer Remus is standing there.

Sirius asks him how come he’s there and he only gives her a vague answer about meetings and studio heads which doesn’t sound very convincing but Sirius is not about to question it because he looks jittery as it is. He tells her that somehow managed to pass through the guards of the studios but they’re bound to come look for him in a few minutes which makes Sirius, honest to God, giggle.

“You don’t have a break coming up, do you?” He asks quietly.

“I’m off in ten minutes, so…”

Remus nods solemnly before leaning in a bit. “Can I hide in your bathroom?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” He smiles and leaves the counter on his mission to hide in the bathroom.

Sirius is made very aware of the grin she’s sporting when she’s met with the annoying customer's  grumpy expression.

Right.

He was supposed to check if she can refund the drink.

Oh, well.

They meet out the front with a smile adorning their lips.

They decide to take a stroll around and Sirius is the first to speak, pointing out an interesting fact about a window on the building across the street and how it appeared in the movie ‘Casablanca’.

“I can’t believe that you work across from that. That’s amazing.” He praises and his voice doesn’t sound condescending but genuine.

“Yeah.” Sirius agrees.

They’re met with a moment of silence before Remus breaks it.

“What was your, uh, Bogart's name? What’s his name, is it Greg?”

Oh, right. The phone call.

“Yeah, Greg.”

“Right. How long have you been…”

“We’ve been seeing each other for about a month.”

“Oh, that’s great.” It doesn’t sound like he particularly thinks so, and Sirius, who doesn’t know what to make of this conversation, wants it to end as soon as possible.

“He’s um… he’s sweet.” Sirius offers in lack of anything else. “Anyway, I love being around this stuff, you know?” They quickly change the subject to more important things and she feels relieved when Remus tells her that yes, he does know what she means.

Sirius loves thinking that the streets she’s roaming are the same ones where Hollywood’s history took place, became what it is. Every corner and alley is a croon of something, a film, a melody, a scene. It’s full of art and culture and stories being told, adorned with glam and red carpets where being known is the peak of one’s life.

They talk about how Remus went out of his way to get coffee near the jazz bar he loved (the now offending samba-tapas bar that Sirius finds hilarious).

“That’s LA. They worship everything and they value nothing.”

Sirius would normally think it’s another sign of his pretentiousness showing but now,
They walk by a live set and Sirius immediately drags him closer to take a look. Sometimes she thinks she loves seeing how a movie and a scene is shot more than actually participating in it. It’s seeing people act out a scene, becoming a whole new person for the sake of the cameras rolling, a whole crew of people focusing on you, admiring you and working hard to bring a story to life.

The director yells ‘Action’ so it’s with a whisper that Remus asks him how he got into acting.

“My uncle was an actor.” She begins. “He was in a travelling theatre company. I grew up in Boulder City, Nevada.”

Remus nods in acknowledgment and she takes that as her sign to go on.

“So, across the street from my house there was this little library that had an old movie section. So, he took me and we spent an entire day watching all these old movies like… ‘Notorious’ and ‘Bringing Up Baby’ and ‘Casablanca’. And-”

“Cut it there! Cut!” The director yells again, signalling that the scene is over.

They start walking again before she goes back to normal speaking to resume her story.

“He sounds incredible.”

“He was incredible. And I would put on all these plays in my bedroom, and it would basically just be him and  I re-enacting those scenes from the movies.” She recalls with a fond laugh. She missed Alphard most of the time, and it feels cathartic to talk so freely about him and the memories she has. How he contributed to creating the person she is today. Remus undivided attention helps as well.

“Then I would write my own plays.”

“Wow.”

“Um.. yeah.”

They walk a bit more, coming across another movie set where they stop to take a look. There are people from the crew moving a huge billboard the way he says it Sirius gets it. He understands why Remus, a musician, would think so and she can even go as far as to say she agrees. She’s seen it one too many times, art being swallowed in favour of glam and fame.
of the movie’s poster across the road, a few more people working on props and stage design and who Sirius assumes is the protagonist, a stunning woman in a long cream dress, walking by.

“I love it.” She says with a wistful sigh, before moving to continue their little stroll.

“Anyway, I left college after two years to come here and my last audition was for a teen show pitched as ‘Dangerous Minds meets the O.C’ . So, yeah. I should’ve been a lawyer.” She concludes with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Cause the world needs more lawyers.” Remus says in a quick remark which makes Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

“It doesn’t need more actresses.” She sign-songs.

Remus tells her about making things happen for yourself. He calls her a prodigy and urges her to write something as interesting as she is, using Louis Armstrong as an example.He talks about creating opportunities and making history. Sirius feels beyond flattered and even though she knows she’s no Louis Armstrong, the sentiment is there. She is capable of making things happen, and the way Remus talks about it, with equal parts fervour and calm certainty she thinks she believes him.

“I should probably tell you something now, just to get it out of the way-”

“Mmm-hmm.”

"-I hate jazz.” She says and feels elated in the way Remus comes to a halt. It’s not a lie but it’s a big exaggeration she’s using only to get Remus' passion shine through the calm facade. “Are you o-”

“What do you mean, you hate jazz?”

There he is. The furrow in his brow and the slightly offended look on his face. Sirius tries to keep her smile from spreading into a full grin.

“It just means that when I listen to it, I don’t like it.”“Yeah, but it’s such a blanket statement, you don’t like jazz…” He looks troubled and Sirius almost wants to backtrack and tell him that she was joking. “What are you doing right now?”

“Nothing.” Sirius says.

He whisks her off to a jazz bar (although whisks off doesn’t sound right since they were more than happy to indulge Remus) with a big neon sign outside that reads ‘The Lighthouse’ .

They sit on a table near the front of the stage where there is a jazz band playing live. She suspects the way Remus’ eyes light up is quite similar to the way hers did when they came across the movie set earlier.

They’re playing a quick song, instruments blending together but creating a clear melody with many twists and turns.

Remus tells her about how one has to know jazz, know its story to love it and how he even sees a bit of himself in that. He talks about its New Orleans origins, the beauty of communicating through music. How jazz is not that coffee shop music, it’s much more than that. It’s passion, something intense, expressive. He rants about it being new, every time and all the time. It’s about creating something new that contains a conflict within, but also a compromise. How it’s composing, writing, performing all at once. How it excites him and his heart.

The song comes to an end and they stop briefly to applaud before Remus leans in.

“It’s dying. It’s dying, Sirius. It’s dying on the vine. And the world says ‘Let it die. It had its time’. ” There’s a frown on his face, one that melts into determination with a shake of his head. “Well, not on my watch.”

Sirius feels as if she’s in a trance.

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna have my own club. We’re gonna play whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want, as long as it’s pure jazz.”

Sirius feels on fire. They feel excited, alive, even reborn by this man, his passion and dreams and how much they make of what he is. It’s wonderful.  

He’s wonderful.

Turns out she gets a call back about ‘The Dangerous Minds meet the O.C ’ and the news is met with nothing but excitement on Remus’ part. He tries to joke about it with a reference about a movie has never seen and he tells her that it’s playing at the Rialto. It’s with slight hesitation but hopeful eyes that he suggests he takes her to watch it.

She agrees immediately.

It’s for educational purposes, they agree.

It’s with plans to meet on Monday night at 10:00pm, and lingering looks that they part ways, both of them oblivious to the fact that the other has turned to watch them go.

Sirius walks home and there’s longing in her heart, something electric under her skin that intensifies when she recalls the look on Remus' face before leaving.

She looks up at the sky, and takes a deep breath.

☾

Remus doesn’t go home.

He decides to walk to The Pier, sure to be dressed in blues and purples that is the Californian sunset at this hour. He walks with a melody on his lips, a new song that speaks for him, speaking from his soul. About living in a city full of stars, meeting her, wondering about the nature of them coming together, the purpose behind it. Will it turn into another unfulfilled dream, or blossom into something wonderful?

The answer is roaring with his heartbeat.

He’s met a star, he thinks, so he makes a wish upon them.

chapter VI, city of stars.

☆

Two lines in the audition she’s cut off by people who were not even bothered by her in the first place.

It’s always the same indifference she’s met with, the same disheartening ‘Thank you, that’ll be all.’

They’re frustrated and angry and the only thing that gets her going as soon as she gets home is the fact that she’s meeting Remus tonight.

Monday night at 10:00 p.m.

Despite the horrible day, the anticipation of seeing him gets her going and it’s as she’s standing in front of her mirror trying to think of what dress looks best on her that Greg shows up.

Of course.

He shows up with the deeply unwanted reminder that they had plans for tonight. Right, dinner with his brother, or something.

Sirius, despite the sudden desire to scream, puts on a smile that looks more like a grimace and goes to dinner. She keeps up with the pretend smile through dinner, trying the hardest not to think of Remus standing outside the Rialto waiting for her while her boyfriend is taking a business call in the middle of a dinner he requested with his brother that Sirius despises and talking about things that she couldn't care less about.

She zones out like he usually does and her eyes drift around the fancy restaurant they’re seated in.

Everyone seems to be having fun, either laughing with a group of friends or having a romantic dinner with their significant other. And Sirius?

Well, Sirius’ eyes catch the speakers in the far corner of the ceiling, almost hidden by crimson velvet curtains and she zones back in when she realises that it’s jazz that echoes through the room.

And suddenly it’s all Remus. It’s his melody she hears, the same one he was playing that first night at Lipton’s and something snaps.

Because the months have passed and somehow they always end up together, right? They end up together, talking about things that matter, making her feel the most like herself she’s ever felt. He’s making her feel like she can be whatever she wants to be. 

Remus makes her feel like she’s the person she wants to be.

She’s off her seat in a second, offering an apology as a form of explanation before she’s out the restaurant in an instant, running down the street to meet him.

He’s standing there with a dejected look on his face.

My sad boy.

Sirius’ heels notify him of her arrival and the second he catches sight of her his whole face lights up, something akin to relief washes over him.

They have matching grins on their faces as they take each other in.

He’s standing under the neon sign, washed in blue and green and he looks so beautiful, cheeks looking flushed as he smiles at her. He’s wearing a suit (wool!), he's even styled his hair properly and Sirius’ heart flutters like flower petals in the spring afternoon breeze. The same breeze that Sirius is sure has messed up her hair, and even though she’s still panting from her little run Sirius finds that under gaze she feels nothing but absolutely beautiful.

He looks pleased and Sirius feels happy .

☾

About 30 minutes into the movie Sirius starts fidgeting, fingers twisting around each other nervously, making Remus want to touch her, stay close to her and hold her hand.

He prides himself in being a man who knows what he wants, and right now all his senses are overwhelmed by Sirius, all he wants is her, so he does just that. He moves his hand from his lap towards her. He catches a glimpse of her smiling, so he moves his hand a bit closer until Sirius’ own hand meets him in the middle. The touch of their fingers is electric and Remus takes a shaky breath in anticipation. He slowly turns his hand around, offering her his palm and when she finally holds his hand, fingers slotting together Remus is unable to keep his smile from spreading.

He makes the grave mistake of turning to look at her and oh, not only is she already looking but her face is illuminated by the screen giving her an incandescent glow. Sirius is looking at him, soft lips and piercing grey eyes that seem to be communicating something otherworldly.

Remus needs to be close to her. He needs to kiss her.

He leans in, just a bit, experimentally. Sirius’ eyes flee to his lips for a second before her lips part with a sigh and that’s all Remus needs before he’s leaning in closer, closer, closer until….he gets interrupted.

The lights of the hall are turned on and the movie stops as someone from the staff walks in and it takes them both a minute to realise that the film melted on the projector.

They start laughing in soft chuckles and Remus wants to bang his head on the wall for the missed opportunity to be kissed by her.

But it’s with the remains of her laugh on her face that Sirius suggests they get out of there, with the promise of a better idea in mind.

Remus should be scared by the fleeting thought he has about following her anywhere.

Instead, he feels elated.

☆

Sirius takes him to Griffith Observatory, sitting on a high that overlooks the buzzing city.

It’s one of her favourite places in the city, the architecture of the building a beautiful Art Deco style.

They almost sneak in, but not before she gets an approving wink from Morgan, the security guard who turns his back on them and starts whistling, his way of letting her know she’s safe to go inside.

It’s empty and even though the eerie quiet would normally feel unsettling, it’s not.

Moonlight is flooding the marble floors from the tall windows as they walk around, looking at the exhibits and making up stories. They get spooked more than once from shadows in corners that look suspiciously a lot like security guards, but end up being nothing and Sirius thinks the adrenaline she feels has more to do with the man next to her, rather than their little illegal sneak in.

They reach a rotunda with a dome ceiling adorned with frescos of astronomical scenes, walls carved in intricate shapes and it’s so beautiful that they can’t help but look around in awe. It’s when they reach the other end of the room that another melody starts echoing, this time entirely theirs, something building underneath as Sirius’ attention comes back to Remus, his hand now holding hers softly, leading her to a slow waltz around the room.

They catch sight of the Planetarium and all it takes is their exchanged glasses before they’re slippin inside the circular room, closing the room behind them for good measure. Sirius moves to the projector immediately, Remus holding her back for a second to wipe off the handle before she pulls it.

The room is immediately flooded with stars, the milky way looking down on them as the melody comes to a crescendo. Their eyes meet and it’s all it takes for her to be swept off her feet.

It’s Remus, that someone to lift her off her feet, send her floating through the sky before he’s right there next to her, moving with her in a stellar dance. There are stars, constellations and galaxies swirling around them, the centre of the universe, and it’s magical how everything is bright and glowing, but holds nothing in the presence of each other. It’s a celestial dance, stars reflecting all the possibilities, their passion, dreams, their shared imagination of what will be. It’s them, reaching for the stars together.

It’s with astra all around that they land right back on their feet, meeting in the middle as they ground each other.

They kiss, and finally transcend .

Chapter VII, summer; a love like jazz.

☆

With summer come slow afternoons and a sense of lightness.

As the city blooms she throws herself into creation with love there to catch her.

She’s sitting there, in her dress as the summer breeze flows through the open windows, writing and writing, ideas and stories spilling from the tip of her pen.

“Is that a script?” Mary peers at the piece of paper in front of her curiously.

“It’s a play.” Sirius replies with a smile.
“A play? You better give us all roles!” Dorcas' voice came from down the whole, and Sirius chuckled.

“It's kind of a one-woman-show. So, I can’t.” She explains, giving them an apologetic grimace.

Then, there’s a loud honk outside their apartment.

“Wow.. is that gonna happen every time?” Mary asks with a quirk of her brow, and Sirius can’t keep her anticipation from spreading inside.

“I hope so.”

Jazz can be heard from the car as she rushes outside to meet him, jumping in his car and meeting him in the middle with a sweet kiss.

They roam the city.

They go on long walks at the park, blossoming flowers and trees surrounding them, the scent of efflorescence in the air. Later, when the sun is setting, they spend their hours together, bathed in soft purples that is the Californian sky.

She’s in her skirts, he’s in his shirts and it’s all so exciting, she feels like she’s living in a movie.

They go to dinners, try out new cuisines, and one night they even pass by the tapas and bar place where they proceed to vandalise the little plaque outside the bar, breaking off into a run down the street, laughing like little kids. (Remus’ heart was about to burst at the sight of Sirius laughing so freely. Beautiful .)

They walk and walk, exploring the city, the walls decorated with impressive artworks from aspiring artists. They visit weird exhibits in posh galleries.

She meets his sister who has just gotten engaged, and amidst the giddiness of the afternoon they share looks that feel like promises.

They dance.

They dance together, and Sirius dances alone to the sound of Remus’ tunes coming from his piano at the jazz bar. He can’t take his eyes off of her, and it feels like he’s playing just for her.

It’s Remus' passion and Sirius’ liveliness combined that makes them look as if their story was written in the stars, the only story that truly mattered.

They love each other and this feeds off of everything else in their life. Their curiosity, their hopes and courage to pursue their dreams with even more fervour than ever before.

Everything feels within reach when they’re floating together.

This. This is what happiness feels like, all these moments during their months together, what they’ve both found, invented even, is what makes life feel like a perfect  Sunday afternoon. Full of scents, sounds, humans, life, the promise of the stars just minutes away.

One night after his performance he jumps off the stage and runs to her, lifting her off the ground, always lifting her, and kissing each other's smile with words of love uttered between them.

They take a seat and drink, high on the rush of happiness , when a man approaches them.

“Kingsley.” Remus addresses him, his shoulders stiffening immediately, a careless grin reduced to a polite smile.

They hug and catch up, Kingsley’s friendliness oblivious to Remus’ awkwardness. They used to play together at school, Sirius learns once she’s introduced. Apparently Kingsley has a combo and is looking for keys.

Remus refuses, looking a bit dismissive even through Kingsleys insistence that ‘It pays.’

Kingsley doesn’t press him any further, and soon he leaves with the request of getting together for a drink.

Sirius would feel worried if it weren’t for Remus loosening the minute it was just the two of them again. Then it’s all okay. They giggle between kisses all the way home and soon they’re tangled up in sheets as the room glows in reds and purples .

In the late hours Sirius acts out her parts for him. They’re met with the same encouragement each time, the same brightness and awe in Remus’ eyes, a quick reassurance on his lips.

She gifts him a design of what his club’s logo should look like, a circle with the word ‘Moony’s ’ inside, written in a retro-like font and a music note drawn where the apostrophe should be.

There’s banter and laughter. They discuss their plans, what the future looks like and  what they’ll do when it comes just the way they want it to.

It feels like everything will turn out the way they dream it will when they’re together.

They’re flying together.



chapter VIII, send me reeling.

☾

One morning Remus catches her on the phone with what must be her adoptive mother, Euphemia, and from snippets of conversations he catches he’s gathered that Sirius is trying to reassure her about the plans of the man she loves. She must not be very pleased or convinced, but there's nothing other than plain confidence for Remus' success falling from her lips, pure certainty and faith in him which makes him, for the first time in a while, doubt himself. He doesn’t want to disappoint himself, but now he thinks he doesn’t want to disappoint Sirius either. He needs to be good for her. He needs to do her credit.

He takes up, though with a wounded ego, Kingsley’s proposal to play the keys for his band. He has some freedom to contribute the way he sees fit, and Kingsley is a great singer, a voice born to sing jazz, so he supposed everything should be okay. It’s jazz after all.

His frustration and doubt in himself only gets worse when Kinglsey starts lecturing him about his methods.

“A traditionalist ,” he says, “ jazz is the future, its revolution. Play for the young, the restless, bring it to life, bring it to clubs and bars where life is buzzing. Stop being stubborn.”

Remus is conflicted. He knows this, he knows he's stubborn but up until now he thought that it was part of his charm. His fierce passion and insistence would help him reach the top.

Now, he feels like he’s being held back by what he once thought would be his booster. Remus loves tradition. He also loves how unpredictable it can be and after this talk, frankly, he feels like he's losing the plot.

 He revisits that melody, that song, that wish upon his pretty star, his floating love that grounds him.

The only melody keeping him sane these days, bringing forth that flutter in his heart, that feeling that lights up the sky and sends him reeling, that feeling he gets when he gazes into silver, that feeling he wishes to stay, stay, stay.

She sings with him, and it’s as if their souls are connected by everything beautiful and artistic and true.

They throw themselves into their work.

Remus writes with Κingsley. They play more, they compose, they appear in places he didn't know was possible and even make it to the radio press. He’s constantly moving, along with the walls that are closing in on him.

It doesn’t feel like escaping.

Sirius quits and dedicates her hours in writing her one person show. She meets with conductors and theatre owners that are willing to rent it out to her for her big premiere. She dreams, dreams, dreams as her keyboard bucks under her fingers, words flowing. She draws and paints, decides on designs for the poster all by herself.

But Remus? Remus seems to be everywhere. In her sheets, her bathroom, all over town, in her mind, hanging from her lips, on the screen of her laptop.

Anywhere but with her.

She goes to sleep checking her phone and wakes up with warm sheets, the imprint of an absent body laying next to her.

He’s drifting away and she feels as if a tide is about to wash over them, bringing only remnants of them to the shore.

There’s only one thing playing on their minds, and it's how their love that never shined so brightly, now feels very close to dimming.

But the thought of each other keeps them going.

His gigs with Kingsley go smoothly, dare he say even perfectly. Kingsley is good, the band adds some synth elements to jazz but the traditional aspects are there. Revolutionary. Don’t change the tradition, elevate it.

It plays like a mantra in Remus’ head, sometimes so loud that blocks out the music. Blocks out Sirius’ voice.

He plays harder.

Sirius is there, smiling, brightening up the hall, sparkling under the colourful lights of the stage.

It goes well. All is well.

 ☆

People have been pushing her away and she’s moving backwards, further away from stage, further away from Remus which is frighteningly a lot like what the past few months have felt like.

All of it playing out. Her worries for her eyes to see.

There are dancers and Remus' talent is now poured into playing a synth melody and Sirius is concerned. Because… This is Remus, her lovely gifted Remus who seems to be giving up on what he wants to do for something he can have.

He’s smiling. He’s not glowing, but he’s smiling.

It’s okay. As long as he’s smiling, all is well.

chapter IX, FALL.

☆

It’s with the scents of ramen all around her that she presses send . Her one person show is done and ready, pitched in whoever will care enough to listen, give her a chance. It feels big, a monumental thing, a crucial moment in her life yet… she is sitting alone at that table. Alone with her laptop and her dream.

She presses enter.

She walks along the sidewalk, carrying the blue lights of the evening by herself. She feels like living alone, dreaming alone, working alone, carrying the weight of this city alone. 

Constantly reaching.

“Hey, it’s me. Um, I’m not sure where you are right now. I think Boston? Maybe Dallas, I don’t know. Uh, I haven’t heard from you in a little while…and I miss you… alright, bye.”

She opens the door, a sigh escaping her lips until she sees Remus. He’s there. Oh, he’s there, a candlelit dinner waiting for her, a record playing and him, in his stupid black suit. There he is. Her beautiful, beautiful Remus.

 He doesn’t hear what he says when he’s speaking, she just rushes through the living room to him, falls into his arms, her chest feeling lighter than it has been in weeks. His scent envelopes him along with his arms, his touch that feels like worship and home, lifting her off the ground as she buries her fingers in his curls. Lifting her, always lifting her.

They have dinner, they catch up and talk about how much they miss each other. She confesses how nervous she’s been feeling and almost cries at the familiarity of Remus’ faith in her. 

“It’s gonna be incredible.”

The conversation shifts to his ongoing tour and something lies underneath it, something that makes her skin prickle.

He’s leaving the next morning, to Boise, next stop of the tour.

“Come with me, to Boise.” He asks her in that soft voice of his.

“I wish I could.” Sirius smiles wistfully. “What are you doing after the tour-“

“Why can’t you?” He interrupts, still smiling.

“Come to boise?” Sirius checks.

“Yeah.”

“Cause I have to rehearse.” She explains kindly.

“Yeah, but…can’t you rehearse anywhere?” She frowns.

“..Anywhere you are?”

“I mean, I guess.”

His smile is soft but it’s not the soft one she’s always known. It’s not accompanied by the laziness of his lids, the pink adorning his cheeks, the sparkle in his eyes. There's a stiffness in his shoulders, his smile doesn’t reach his eyes and he feels a lot like an animal trying to mask its frustration. Trying to reach out, trying to pull.

Sirius says it’s not a good idea, she only has two weeks and moving her stuff would not be the best thing right now.

They have to try and see each other, he says, they never do nowadays.

“When are you finished with the whole tour?” She asks again, willing to make plans for their future. She’s met with hesitation.

Soon , but then another record will be made and another tour will follow. Then another record, another tour for said record.

It’s unfair of her to think this, she thinks, but she feels like she’s alone in this. She feels like her attempts to reach him are in vain, he seems tense and nervous, closed off. He seems to be giving up on her.

“So, it’s like the long haul?”

“What do you mean the long haul?” He asks with a frown.

“I didn’t think you were going to stay in this band for so long”

‘You have your dream,’ she wants to say. ‘You’re not happy,” she wants to scream. ‘You’re not you.’

Remus has gotten defensive now.

“You didn’t think it was gonna be successful.” He announces, and she feels like he’s slipping through her fingers.

She gives him a questioning smile and a frown, denying it. Unwilling to believe that Remus would think of her that way. Never, she never thought of anything Remus would be involved in as a potential failure. She wants to see him shine and thrive and live and glow, but this? What he’s currently doing? He doesn’t look happy. He’s dimmed.

His fire is going out and Sirius can’t bear to see it.

She doesn’t know how to try. How to reach him. “You’re gonna be on tour for years?” 

“Yea, I mean… this could be it, yeah. I could be on tour with this for a couple of years, at least. Just this record.” He says, mild frustration laced with his voice.

There’s a pause where she doesn’t know what to say. “Do you like the music you're playing?”

“I don’t.. I don’t know what it matters.” He sighs, as if it’s Sirius who doesn’t understand.

And something bursts.

Remus.

Passionate, driven, talented Remus.

Always pushing her, encouraging her, the embodiment of a dream.

Saying it doesn’t matter.

“Well, it matters, because if you’re gonna give up your dream, I think it matters that you like what you’re playing on the road for years.” She snaps.

It doesn’t feel like he’s giving up on her anymore, it feels like he’s giving up on himself as well. And she’s floating all alone now, lost, as if Remus has long fallen on the ground, head planted firmly on earth, looking up at her with a sad smile that doesn’t suit him, doesn’t belong there. He belongs up there, floating, in the stars, even higher than they've ever been. 

She feels lost, frantic, as the conversation goes on.

She’s trying to pull him back up and he’s there, confused and defensive.

“I thought you wanted me to do this.” Remus states, and it feels like he’s disappointed, although Sirius doesn’t understand who he’s disappointed with.

“What do you mean I wanted you to do this?”

 A beat.

“This is what you wanted for me.”

“To be in this band?” Sirius clarifies.

“To be in a band, to have a steady job. To be… you know.”

And she doesn’t, she doesn’t know. All she knows is that she never wants Remus to be anything other than himself, to do anything else other than what his heart truly desires. All she knows is the candle is sure to make the glistening in her eyes obvious.

“Of course I wanted you to have a steady job, so that you could take care of yourself and your life and you could start your club.” Your dream my love.

They start arguing. Remus asks why they aren't celebrating. Why isn’t he starting his club, Sirius shoots back. Then it’s all blurry. Remus goes on and on, something about stupid club names, people not going there, jazz being dead.
“No one likes jazz. Not even you.” He argues.

Remus feels like a stranger, someone , a wall standing between them making it impossible for Sirius to reach him. Make him listen, shake his core. He’s passionate, compassionate, it’s his dream and it will happen because that’s Remus. She loves jazz because of him, that’s what he does. His passion emanates from him, giving life to everything around him, something vivid and pure and divine, flowing and flowing.

Self-loathing looks foreign on him, and the pessimism doesn’t suit him.

“I do like jazz. I like it because of you!”

“Scraping pennies so I can start a club no one wants to go to-”

“People will want to go! They’ll want to go because you’re passionate about it and people love what other people are passionate about. You remind people of what they forgot-”

“Not in my experience!” He snaps and suddenly they both fall silent, fiery eyes staring back at each other. He looks away first. Sirius is livid. She wants to shake reason into him.

“Whatever, it’s just time to grow up. I have a steady job, this is what I’m doing.” He says.

Sirius pushes, she needs to keep pushing, she needs to grab his hand and lift him up, just like he always does, remind him, make him remember, bring the sparkle in his eyes back.

“You had a dream.” Sirius says.

“This is the dream.” He insists, and the frown on his face, the tightness in his jaw and the dullness in his eyes screams for the opposite.

“This is not your dream.” Sirius pushes again.

“Guys like me, work, their whole lives to be in something that’s successful that people like you know? I mean I’m finally in something that … that-that people enjoy.”

“Since when do you care about being liked?” Sirius asks in disbelief.

“Just cause I don’t enjoy it, it doesn’t matter.”

And that just won’t do. Remus who always cared about his art, his soul finding a voice through his music, disregarding the rules and what sells or who’s buying, reducing his dream to a service. A service he dislikes for people to enjoy.

She will not sit there and have Remus talk like that about his aspirations and art.

Push comes to shove and her indignation overflows. “Since when do you care about being liked?”

“You’re an actress! What are you talking about?”

The music stops when the hit is delivered. The song comes to an end, and it feels like a parallel that Sirius wishes to ignore, destroy, prove wrong.

She scoffs. All she can do is scoff and stare at him in disbelief. Searching. Looking at his beautiful face, warm in the glow of the candle, an apology sure to come. Sure to soften the hard lines on his face, mend the broken look in his eyes and feeling in her chest.

His jaw tightens. Sirius is waiting.

“Maybe you just liked me when I was on my ass cause it made you feel better about yourself.”

Another hit.

Tears rush in Sirius's eyes when she grasps at every ounce of regret in him.

“Are you kidding?”

And the final blow.

“No.”

And that’s it.

The only thing between them is ashes, traces of what they were now burned, burned, burned by everything that’s been said. The shaky exhales trying to fight back tears only working as a breeze, blowing their ashes away. 

Amber and grey meeting, the only thing between them is pain.

And then the fire alarm goes off, breaking the spell.

Remus gets up, rushing to the stove.

She stares at the void that once was the moon, lighting up everything around it.

Sirius gets up and rushes out the door.



☾

SO LONG BOULDER CITY,

A PLAY BY SIRIUS BLACK

ONE NIGHT ONLY, OCTOBER 24

TONIGHT 

The only words on Remus mind playing over and over as he waits for the stupid, goddamned photoshoot. He thought it was next Thursday. He thought he would make it. He wanted to be there, he wanted-he thought….

☆

Sirius stands on stage, theatre empty, and looks around what should be a full hall in a few hours. 

A tick goes by, then another.

And there she is. 

One breath away from the stage. 

One breath through her red lips, a blink of her worried eyes. 

Inhale.

Exhale.

There she goes.

Alone.

☾

The flash is blinding him even through his sunglasses and all he wants to do is break the cameraman’s jaw when he insists he bites his lip to look more moody, more alluring. 

“Well, actually play something.” He prods once he has the decency to sense Remus’ reluctance to do any of these ‘sexy’ poses.

He feels pathetic, stupid, and disgusting.

“You should, you should play something”

He feels like a hypocrite, a failure.

“Play something, you know? Anything”

He feels numb.

“You’re a pianist aren’t you? Play something”

Anything.

He plays.

That something spilling all over the keys once again, more hesitation in his movements now. Something erupts once again, it’s wonderful in its suffering, this time it doesn’t speak, it’s just a buzzing ache in his chest.

This time she’s not here to listen.

The awe is missing, and so are her eyes.

The same eyes he filled with tears a few nights before.

The stars are missing.


He hopes they’re glowing.

☆

Sirius feels like all the light inside her has gone out. Diminished. Spilled.

The exhales and turns off the lamp on stage to meet the eyes of a dozen people, at best.

The hall looks nearly empty.

The applause is underwhelming.

Her chest feels like caving in on itself as she sits there in her dressing room, voices with snide remarks and harsh criticism carrying through the wall.

She’s broken, dimmed.

And he’s not there.

She looked for someone in the crowd, but he wasn’t there.

The stars have fallen.

And he isn’t there to catch them.



☾

He jumps off the car as soon as it comes to a halt, running to the front door only to find it locked. 

He feels like losing his mind as he pounds on the door, calling for her. He kicks the door in frustration and moves to the window only for the back door to open, Sirius coming out before walking to her car, carrying her props and bags. She looks forlorn, his heart aches. But she’s there. She’s there and he’s so relieved he doesn’t think for a second before moving close to her, always wanting to be close to her.

“Sirius. I’m so sorry.” He says, breath panting.

He feels helpless, especially when she pauses to acknowledge him.. she stares, just for a beat before shaking her head and moving towards her car, ignoring him. Trying to.

“Just tell me how it went. How was it?” He’s frantic. He needs to know, he needs to hold her-

“Don’t help me.” She snaps when he moves to open the door for her.

“I’m sorry.” He recoils. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a prick-“

“You’re sorry, you’re sorry…” she repeats, an almost feral look in her eyes. She keeps repeating it and she shakes her head, as she pushes him away, intensity giving way to dejection.

“I’m gonna make it up to you.” he promises instantly. I will take your pain away, I will be who you deserve , please, he wants to say. He’s trailing behind her as she moves around her car and he’s lost. He feels so lost and all he wants to do is reach for her. “Let me make it up to you, okay?”

He’s about to reach for her when she stops, coming to an abrupt halt in front of him. His beautiful, wonderful star standing there, tears and pain in her eyes, looking devastated, looking betrayed. He put this look on her face. He hates himself for it.

“I don’t blame you for not wanting-”

“It’s over.” She cuts him off, and it works like a command because everything stops.

It’s over she says, all of this. She embarrassed herself, no one showed up, something about paying back the theatre. He tries, he tries to stop her, console her, make her believe him when he tries to tell her that it’s not over, it will be okay because it’s her. It’s Sirius, it’s not the end, it’s just another setback, just another thing they can go through together-

“I’m gonna go home for a while” She announces suddenly, moving to get in her car, leaving him behind.

“I’ll come see you tomorrow.” Remus promises immediately. Tomorrow, tomorrow he will go over and they will talk. They will talk and they will fix this. They will find a way.

“No, I’m going home, home.” 

“This is home” he tries to argue helplessly. He tries, desperately, to reach for something that is crumbling between his fingers.

“No, it’s not anymore.” She says, unspilled tears in her eyes and frustration painted all over her face, her voice. He wishes it’s him he’s frustrated with because she did nothing wrong. She’s wonderful and she’s everything good and bright, despite everything that transpired tonight, despite him not being there to see it.

With that, she drives off, leaving Remus standing right where she left him.

The glow fading.

chapter X, phoenix.

☆

She moves to the Potters’ for a while, Euphemia’s comforting hugs and moMonty’s kind eyes working wonders for her broken heart.

Whenever she lies in bed she can’t help but let her eyes stray, look around the room,full of banners from school plays, the theatrical team, a few awards won as a kid and a few more fake oscar ones gifted to her by James with the promise of ‘until you get a real one’.

She feels at loss and a bit like she’s grieving.

Grieving what could’ve been, the dream that was supposed to become her life, the man she was supposed to live it with.

But things change and like every other time she just has to take a deep breath and get back up on her feet, by herself.

I will be okay, she thinks, although the numb feeling in her chest begs to differ.

☾

He played for his sister's wedding a few days ago.

Their tune.

They had made plans on attending it together and Remus had been waiting to see Sirius in his sister’s garden, in a beautiful dress and a big smile on her face as he’d twirl her around, laughing and kissing as she’d land back on his chest.
They’d kiss each other's smiles and wouldn’t spare a glance to the couples looking at them in admiration.

It should’ve been them dancing.


The room is flooded in rays of sun and he hates it.

He wants red and purple and grey . 

He wants arms around his waist, lines read out loud while a record player is providing a suitable soundtrack for the love that transpires in the room.

The only soundtrack he has right now is the phone ringing, and he hates, hates, hates it.

But he picks it up, answers it with a voice devoid of emotion, flat and numb. He feels so numb.

He insists to the lady on the phone that ‘ No, this isn’t Sirius number,’ and ‘ no, he will not be speaking with her until she states who she is’ . An agent, the woman informs him. She wants Sirius to audition for a movie. She saw her play and she wants Sirius.

So naturally, Remus is out of bed in a second.

☆

The honking makes her stomach tighten, like being hit with a memory that’s become so bittersweet it knocks you off your feet. 

Monty looks at her questioningly and she moves to the window, becoming a witness to a distressed Remus being attacked with what seems to be a book by her grumpy neighbour who has every right to be disturbed by the commotion Remus is making.

He sees her, gives her a pathetic little wave, and moves his palm off the honk so the neighbourhood can find his peace again.

She walks across the street to meet him, feeling tired all of a sudden.

He’s there , she thinks, and tries to keep her mind from straying off to thoughts of golden flecks and scattered freckles. 

He’s as beautiful as ever, her stupid, stupid boy.

☾

“Why did you come here?” Is the first thing she asks, eyes tired and voice low. They’re standing under the streetlight and the orange glow falling upon them makes her look so lovely. All sad eyes and downturned lips.

“Because I have good news.”

Sirius looks at him for a second longer. She’s frowning as if she doesn’t believe him. “What?”

“Minerva McGonagall. The casting director?”

Her eyes light up a bit at the mention of the name but the sadness remains. Remus can see her trying to push down the flicker of hope but he won’t let her. This is a wonderful thing happening and she deserves it. She deserves to feel ecstatic.

“Yeah..” She says hesitantly, allowing Remus to go on.

“She was at your play, and she loved it.” He emphasises, watching as she shifts a bit, not knowing what to do with herself. “And she loved it so much that she wants you to come in tomorrow to audition for this huge movie that she’s got.” He finished, tapping on his car as if that will get his point across.

He speaks calmly, wanting to show her that this is it. This was inevitable, her talent would be seen sooner or later, like he’d told her a million times before.

Sirius snorts quietly, a sad smile on her lips when she says; “I’m not going to that.”

“What?”

She shakes her head. “I’m not going to that.”

“Why?”

“That.. that one’s gonna be…No…”

“I’m sorry?”

“That will kill me.” She says and Remus pauses.

He looks at her in disbelief.

Then he goes crazy.

“What?! What?” He protests loudly, offended by Sirius on Sirius’ own behalf.

“What? Shh!” Sirius tries to calm him down with panic in her eyes but no, no he will not calm down.

“What?”

“Stop! Shh!”

“No!”

“Shh! You have to be quiet-”

“If you want me to be quiet-”

“We're in a neighbourhood. They’ll call the police-”

“-you have to make some goddamn sense! Tell me why you're not going.” He demands, an accusing finger pointing at her.

“Because-”

“Why?”

“Because! Because. I've been to a million auditions, and the same thing happens every time where I get interrupted because someone wants to get a sandwich. Or I'm crying, and they start laughing. Or there's people sitting in the waiting room, and they're like me, but prettier and better at the...Because maybe I'm not good enough!” Sirius explains, exasperated that she even has to say all this. Remus can’t believe what he’s hearing.

“Yes, you are.” He says firmly.

Sirius lets out a breathy laugh, eyes glistening with unspilled tears. “No...No, maybe I'm not.”

“Yes, you are.” Remus insists.

“Maybe I'm not.” A humourless smile is stretched on her lips as her voice breaks.

“You are.” He can do this all night. He can stand there all night until she listens to him. Until she believes that she’s enough. He can do this for the rest of his life for all he cares. As long as she knows.

But Sirius just shakes her head sadly. “Maybe I'm one of those people that has always wanted to do it, but it's like a pipe dream for me, you know? And then, you said it, you change your dreams, and then you grow up. Maybe I'm one of those people, and I'm not supposed to. And I can go back to school, and I can find something else I'm supposed to do. 'Cause I left to do that, and it's been six years, and I don't want to do it anymore.” She finishes, caving under Remus’ intense gaze and looking away.

Oh, he thinks.

Oh, my star, I’ve tainted you with thoughts of growing up, abandoned dreams and misery.

“Why?”

“Why what?” She asks, confused.

“Why don’t you wanna do it anymore?”

“Cause I think it hurts a little bit too much.” She confesses with a shrug.

Remus shakes his head disapprovingly.

Nope.

“You’re a baby.”

A disbelieving laugh escapes her lips, looking at him in wonder. “I’m not a baby-”

“You are.”

“I’m trying to grow up.” She argues, sniffing away her tears, moving to cover her face with her hand but thinking better of it and dropping it at the last second.

“You’re crying like a baby.”

“Oh my god.” Sirius groans at his insistence.

He knows he sounds stupid and maybe even a bit insensitive but he knows her. He needs to wake up the perseverance in her so she can realise that she can do this. She needs to realise that just because Remus screwed up doesn’t mean it's over for her.

She needs to understand how bright, intelligent and magnificent she is.

“You have an audition tomorrow at 5:30.” He informs her, opening the door to get in his car, not planning on hearing anything else. “I’ll be out front at 8:00 a.m. You’ll be out front or not, I don’t know.” He says with finality and starts the car.

“How’d you find me here?” Sirius asks before he has the chance to drive away.

“The house in front of the library.” He points towards the library as if it’s obvious, which it should be. Sirius told him once, and she should know by now that he catalogues everything Sirius says, hanging from her lips with every silly comment or grand revelation.

He drives away.

It’s 8:10 a.m and Remus is starting to feel stupid, and it’s just as he starts the car with the intent to drive away that the door opens and Sirius emerges, holding two takeaway cups full of coffee. She gets in the car, giving him a funny look as if it was obvious she was going to show.

Remus supposes it should’ve been.

The drive is quiet and they don’t speak much.

There’s enough worry hanging in the air to fill the space between them, so they opt for listening to some music on the radio as they reach the city.

Remus tries to refrain from looking at her every few minutes by tightening his hold on the steering wheel and taking deep breaths.

It will be okay.

She’ll get to the audition and do great because that’s her and it’s how things are supposed to go.

And perhaps, along the way, they will get to fix what Remus broke.

He hopes, with his entire heart, that this will be good for them.

For Sirius.

☆

Sirius has never sat outside the audition room with company before. It would always be her alone, or with dozens of other people looking even prettier and more determined than her.

She tries to keep her legs from bouncing, or her hands from fidgeting, but whenever she inevitably succumbs to her nervous ticks she spares a glance at Remus, who gives her a sweet reassuring smile each time.

The change is nice.

Sirius is still hesitant about this even though she refuses to show it. She’s terrified that if it doesn’t go well, it will break her. It will tear her spirit apart, she wasn’t lying about that.

But it’s Remus' unyielding faith in her and her talent that pushed her to do it. He believes in her, strongly, which makes Sirius borrow some of his determination and summon the courage and a brave face to do it.

At least he believes in one of them.

The door opens and a beautiful woman emerges before the casting director shows up behind her, signalling for Sirius to come in.

She gets up with a kind smile and a sigh to tame her nerves, Remus seeing her go with an encouraging smile.

“Hi, Sirius. I am Minerva, this is Frank.” Minerva McGonagall has stood up from her seat behind the desk to greet her and shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you.”

“We’re glad we found you.” She tells her. Sirius’ nerves have melted into a sort of quiet numbness inside. As if it’s not a regular audition she’s doing. As if she’s already anticipating an outcome that will throw her under her blankets with nothing but grief and tears for her dreams.

“The film shoots in Paris, and we have no script.” Minerva tells her as she takes her place in front of the black curtain.

Paris.

A million things jump to her mind in a second.

Her aunt and her stories about the city of lights.
Having to move from Los Angeles.

Leaving behind her life as she knows it, leaving behind…

Getting the role.

“It’s gonna be a process. We’re gonna build the character around the actor or actress. It’s a three month rehearsal and a four month shoot.”

“Okay.” Sirius says, at loss for better words.

“And we thought you could just tell us a story.” Minerva prods with a smile.

“About?” Sirius asks, confusion showing in her face.

“You could just tell us anything.” She says calmly.

“Anything?”

“Yeah, just tell us a story. You’re a storyteller.” Minerva says simply.

“Um..”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Sirius is suddenly hit by the fact that she doesn’t feel nervous at all when she scrambles inside her to find a story to tell them because these people are listening to her. It’s the first time she’s ever stood in front of executives and has had their full undivided attention in her. They want her here.

The story comes to her in a heartbeat, full of nostalgia and inspiration.

A story about jumping headfirst into your dreams, into Seine, and even though you scrap your knees and get sick you get back up, full of life and ready to jump again.

“My uncle used to live in Paris…” She recalls with a smile. “I remember, he used to come home and he would tell us these stories about being abroad. And I remember, he told us that she jumped into the river once. Barefoot.”

Everything comes to her in the form of the most beautiful recitation she’s had to utter, Alphard in her mind, always inspiring her.

He smiled.
Leapt without looking
And tumbled into the Seine
The water was freezing
He spent a month sneezing
But said he would do it again

Here's to the ones who dream,
foolish as they may seem.
Here's to the hearts that ache,
here's to the mess we make.

He captured a feeling,
sky with no ceiling,
the sunset inside a frame.

He lived in her liquor,
and died with a flicker.
I'll always remember the flame.

Here's to the ones who dream,
foolish as they may seem.
Here's to the hearts that ache,
here's to the mess we make.

Suddenly and all at once, Sirius is singing out her heart's contents. Not to a room in LA, but somewhere in Paris, where her story begins and her dreams gain life .

He told me:
"A bit of madness is key,
to give us new colours to see.
Who knows where it will lead us?
And that's why they need us."

So bring on the rebels,
the ripples from pebbles.
The painters, and poets, and plays.

And here's to the fools who dream,
crazy as they may seem.
Here's to the hearts that break,
here's to the mess we make.

I trace it all back to then.
Him and the snow, and the Seine.
Smiling through it,
he said he'd do it again.

Just like Sirius is now.

She’s doing it again.


☾

He’s decided long before Sirius emerged where they’d go after.

Where they’ll go to talk, ask her to begin again hand in hand, take a leap to the life they always dreamed of having together.

He’s quit the band already and he’s setting his plan in motion.

Remus is ready to stand back on his feet, be the man he always prided himself in being. The man the both of them deserve him to be.

It’s all settled once Sirius emerges from the audition room with a small smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes that he hasn’t seen in weeks.

His heart jumps.

He drives them away from the buzz and hustle of the city, moving up the hills and gaining a beautiful view of the entire city as they go.

Griffith Observatory looks beautiful this time of day. It’s all greenery and quiet as they take in the beautiful building where something awe-inspiring transpired in the form of their love.

Instead of walking up the entrance Remus leads them around the building where an empty bench sits at the edge of the hill, a clearing that offers them an unobstructed view of the city while trees surround them. 

She tells him everything. From the rehearsals, the shooting period, the audition which felt like she was out of her body as she sang.

How it went amazingly.

How it’s in Paris.

“When do you find out?” He asks after everything has sunk in, shifting in his seat to mirror her body, looking at her fully. 

“Uh, they said the next couple of days,” She starts, fingers picking on her bottom lip, “But I’m not expecting to find anything out.” She ends and Remus doesn’t believe that. He sees the hesitation that comes with fear of hoping but she also sees the fire slowly igniting behind her eyes. The liveliness in her.

“You’re gonna get it.” Remus points at her in the same goofy way he did the night before, although now it’s delivered with a smile.

“I really might not.” Sirius grins.

“Yes,-"

“I hope you’re not disappointed.”

“You are. I know.” He says with mild conviction. “I know these things.” He continues, more quiet and sober now. He looks away for a bit, trying to put his thoughts into order, discipline his emotions in a way that his enthusiasm for Sirius will prevail. This is what’s important now, he keeps repeating to himself as he tries to keep his mind from straying to unwanted paths but Sirius question does that anyways.

“Where are we?” She asks with a tilt of her head.

Remus humours her, giving her a confused smile, trying to deflect. “Griffith Park.”

“Where… are we?” She repeats, not letting Remus hide away from his ache any longer.

“I know.” He says, taking a breath to brace himself for this discussion. He tries to look anywhere but her face, her contemplating eyes and soft lips. He takes a deep breath, and finally looks back at her.

“I don’t know.”

She’s looking down on her lap, hair tucked behind her ears as her face forms a frown. “What do we do?” She finally lifts her head, meeting his eyes with a troubled expression.

Remus despises the answer, but he knows he has to be the one to give it anyway. “I don’t think we can do anything.” He begins, watching as the autumn breeze moves her hair along with it, eyes looking all over her face, trying to catalogue every little detail. From the bright grey that reflects the sky, the faintest freckles scattered on her nose, to the mole on the side of her neck and the dip of her cupid’s bow he’d mapped out with his own lips a thousand times.

He wishes he could do it a thousand more.

“Cause when you get this-”

“If I get this.” She interrupts, shifting to rest her arm on the back on the bench next to her, resting her face on top of it.

“When you get this,” Remus corrects softly, “you have to give it everything you got.” He shakes his head, trying to get his point across, the inevitability of it all. She will get this and she will throw her wonderful self into it because her passion always exceeds her insecurities. Sirius is a dreamer at heart, he loves that about her.

“Everything. It’s your dream.” He utters back the words she once told him. And she nods, despite the sadness in her eyes she nods because she gets it. He’s right, and he wishes he’d been right before but he’s right now and it’s enough. “What are you gonna do?”

“I have to follow my own plan. You know? Stay here. Get my own thing going.”

Sirius is staring at him, in that soft way she’s always done and it takes every ounce of power inside him not to kiss her, to hold his heart together and go follow their hearts achieve everything they have ever dreamed of.

“You’re gonna be in Paris. Good jazz there.” He makes an attempt to joke but it falls flat in his chest when the next thought occurs. “You love jazz now.”

There’s that sweet smile, lips pressed together, dimples greeting him as her eyes crinkle. “Right?”

She nods, eyes sparking and beautiful and he tries not to think of how jazz is a metaphor for something else.

For always seeing the best in him, still believing in him. Still loving him.

“Yes.” She adds, huffing out a small laugh as he smiles at the sight of her grin.

She keeps looking at him, starting to well up as if he- this, what they had was another dream she’s saying goodbye to. He guesses they both do.

“I guess we’re just going to have to wait and see.”

The sweetest dream, knows it to his core to be true, honest from his heart.

Her teary grin softens into a smile as Remus wills his heart not to melt at the sight of big grey eyes loving him, cheeks and nose turned a rosy shade from the emotion flowing through her.

“I’m always going to love you.” She says softly and simply. It’s delivered like a general truth, a second nature. Of course I am always going to love you, it’s like I was destined to do it.

“I’m always gonna love you, too.” I was destined to love you.

Remus takes a deep breath and looks away, Sirius following his line of sight as he makes a silly attempt to deescalate the tension that comes with saying goodbye to the love of your life.

“Look at this view!” He exclaims, recalling that night ages ago when he was too naive to see this for what it is.

Sirius barks out a laugh, a beautiful sound Remus could bathe himself in. “I’ve seen better.” She grimaces, a vain attempt to conceal her grin.

“It’s the worst.” He agrees, elated to see her happy.

His beautiful star.

“I’ve never been here during the day.”

I have never felt this free before, is what Remus hears.

Remus is happy he brought her here this time.
But he’s eternally grateful she brought him here first.

I am always going to love you Sirius Black.


chapter xi, winter; five years later.

☆

The brown leaves that fell with autumn are dancing around her feels with the early December breeze.

She’d missed California’s sun more than she thought she would.

She walks in the cafe , standing on the other side of where she used to, in a dress and hair pulled back in a loose braid as she takes off her sunglasses and offers a smile to the baristas.

The coffees are ready as soon as she orders them, and she politely refuses their treat, paying for the coffees and placing a generous tip on the tip jar.

Sirius turns around with a smile, the heads turning making her heart flutter as she walks with the same quiet confidence she’s always dreamed of.

She’s where she dreamed she would be, and its with a sigh of contentment that she takes a seat in the cart waiting for her, taking in the gentle buzz of people talking, the Casablanca window, the crisp air as the driver leads them to the set of the fourth movie she’s about to work on.

She’d missed these streets, the sets and the set design props coming and going.

And now Sirius is a part of it, like she’d always hoped to be.

Sirius is happy.



☾

Remus’ fingers dance along the keys in quick succession, insisting on a particular note to make sure it sounds just right.

“Sounds good. Harris did a good job.”

“Took him long enough.” Remus says as he turns away from the piano, walking down the small stage to move to the bar where Dempsey is pouring over paperwork.

“It always does.” Dempsey laughs, passing him a pen as he approaches. “Signature time.”

Remus puts down his signature before walking past him with a pat on the back, grabbing his jacket on the way out. Rehearsal was good today and he’s filled with the same anticipation as always.

“Not doing too bad, Remus.”

“Not too bad is great. ” Remus says with a grin.

And it is. The instruments have been mended to, the paperwork is starting to become less overwhelming, and Remus is feeling at peace.

He has wonderful employees, incredible musicians who appreciate the freedom just as much as the history of jazz, and a bar to call his own.

He has everything he’s ever dreamed of.

“See you tonight.” He calls before Remus is out the door.

“See you tonight, Dem.”

Remus is happy.


☆

The scent of bouquets hit her as soon as she walks in the door.

She thinks the purple bouquet of carnations and hyacinths sitting on the mantelpiece might have the stronger scent, but the sunflowers bouquet comes close second.

She takes off her shoes as soon as she’s inside the house, letting out a breath at the feel of the hardwood floor under her feet.

It was a good day.

She went over to the set to meet with the director. Everything was coming together, slowly but surely.

The rest of the cast was filled with people she admired, people that respected each other’s work. They should start filming in early February, and frankly, Sirius can't wait.

“Oh, hi.” She let out a relieved sigh at the sight of her fiance standing at the corner of the dining room. “How was your day?”

“Good.” Finn smiles as he envelopes her in a hug, leaning in to kiss her.

“How is he?”

“He’s better.”

“Yeah?” She asks hopefully.

“Come see him, he’s out in the garden.”

“Hi, buddy!” Sirius gasps when the ball of fur comes running to her as soon as she steps out into the patio.

They had gotten Padfoot a few weeks ago from a shelter. He was only a few months old, the cutest dog Sirius has ever seen, and had come down with a stomach bug that kept him from keeping down his food.

The vet had given Padfoot a thorough examination and decided to put him on pills for a few weeks, and even though he’d gotten much better and healthy, Sirius was still worried.

She bent down to play with him as he pushed his tiny head against her knee, making her laugh. He did look much more chubby and energised, which was good. It was perfect actually.

She’d only been back in LA for a few months but it was quite a life she’d settled in.

She had the security of a home to return to, the hug of an extremely loving fiance and a little dog to look after.

She couldn’t wait to make this a routine.


☾

Remus has gotten much better at cooking meals and not being called a hermit by his sister.

He’s always been a good cook, but now he’s managed to whip up quick meals to fit between morning rehearsals and evenings at the jazz bar.

He also has considerably more friends than ever before while being a successful owner of his own bar, so Juno isn’t concerned about him anymore.

It might also have to do with the fact that she’s moved upstate, and the most she’s seen of her these past few weeks is by looking at the postcard of her little family she sent him a few months ago. He’s happy for her, Stuart is a good man and Daniel, her son, is a great laugh. (With a good ear for music, he keeps telling Juno.)



The winter Californian air has been feeling more like a spring breeze lately, the blue hues falling over the city feeling like a late March afternoon.

It’s good, though, Remus thinks. The cold hasn’t set in and the city is still buzzing with comers and goers.

He parks his car on the side of the main street where the entrance of the bar is, walking the small distance while passing by a new movie poster every other week.

He has gotten used to seeing her by now, he doesn’t even need to look to know that grey eyes are looking at him from the retro poster, the name Sirius Black taking up the entirety of the poster’s bottom. His heart is filled with pride every time she shows up in the streets and screens of Los Angeles.

It’s where she belongs.


☆

Sirius gives one last look at herself in the mirror over her shoulder, making sure that her backless dress is sitting just right before she bends over the sofa to give Padfoot a little scratch on the head and make sure that Hermione, her dog sitter, has everything she needs for the night.

Finn passes her her jacket as they’re getting out the door, and soon they’re sitting in the car, stuck in traffic.

“I didn’t miss this.” Sirius says, letting her head fall on the headrest of her seat as Finn laughs.

“Yeah, no. What are you going to tell Mary if we miss it?”

Sirius’ old roommate and friend was starring in a play that thankfully Sirius had already seen on the premiere night. Tonight was their last night in Los Angeles before they moved to perform in other states and Sirius had wanted to support her more than once. They both needed a night out after the past few hectic weeks of moving and settling in.

“Well, we’ll just see it in New York in Spring again.” Sirius says, checking the digital clock on the dashboard to see that they’re barely making it on time. If traffic goes on like this for any longer, they most certainly will miss it.

There’s an exit to their right and suddenly Sirius doesn’t feel like going to the play.
She doesn’t want to get there after it has already started and she most definitely needs a night out where she can talk, clear her head and have some good food.

The street looks familiar and suddenly she’s drawn to new plans formed in her mind. She wants to live like she used to, for one night, spontaneous and with no cameras all around.

“Do you want to just pull off here and get dinner?” She turns to Finn, watches as he contemplates it. He ends up nodding.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure, yeah. Dinner sounds good.”

“Okay, good.” Sirius decides, pleased as Finn makes a turn for the exit.


They end up at an Italian place that Sirius is happy to see is still up and running.

She used to love that place. Their food supplier was based in Italy so all their products were pure and fresh, making the dishes unique and some of the most tasty ones Sirius has ever had.

They have a good dinner. Their server is kind and the dim orange lighting creates a great atmosphere around them as they talk between eating and enjoying their shared bottle of Sant’ Appiano Chianti.

They stumble out the sidewalk with full stomachs and matching grins on their faces, product of a night well spent, as they walk towards the car.

Sirius is about to reach for the door handle when Finn pauses, pointing to an unsuspecting door of what must be an entrance to a bar a few metres away. There’s no sign, or anything that indicates the nature of this bar, but there are quite a few people outside smoking and nursing drinks, all well-dressed so it’s a good indicator that they’d be safe to go inside.

Sirius is curious, and between the nostalgia of her old days and the wine flowing through her she agrees to check it out. Los Angeles is full of hidden gems, and she’s missed being able to find them, like little treasures.

The doorman nods at them as they enter, entrance flooded in neon blue from the neon sign on the wall, an arrow pointing down the stairs to their right.

There are vines decorating the brick wall on the side of the stairs and more neon lights dressing the place in purples and blues, like a Spring afternoon. They reach the bottom of the stairs and Finn turns to the right to walk deeper inside the bar, Sirius about to turn as well until her eyes fall upon it, making her freeze in place.

Her heart picks up as her eyes take in the neon sign on the wall in front of her, a circle with the word ‘Moony’s ’ inside, a music note working as an apostrophe.

She’s rooted in place, thinking that ‘ No, it can’t be’ .

It can’t be, but also this is too big of a coincidence.

That’s her design, drawn by her own fingers while resting on the carpet of an LA flat years ago, Jazz blasting from the record player in the corner as someone whistled in the kitchen, scents of apple and bacon filling the air.

Moony. That was her found nickname as well. Uttered one night under the stars, confessing that since she was up there, she shouldn’t be alone. He should be up there with her, keeping her namesake company.

Moony-

“This place is pretty cool.” Finn’s voice pulls her out of her stupor, gesturing to her to follow him further inside the bar.

Sirius takes a deep breath, willing her heart to settle down as her feet carry her deeper into the establishment.

She walks in to see tables scattered around the place, small vintage lamps sitting on each one of them. There’s a bar to her left, a certain picture of Louis Armostrong and a lot more adorning the wall as she walks further inside, chatter of excitement and admirement around her as her eyes fall upon the small stage on the other side of the bar, various instruments creating a kind of melody she’d know anywhere.

It’s a jazz bar.

It’s Remus jazz bar.

Finn has already gotten them drinks, her favourite cocktail in hand, as he leads them both to a table near the front. She tries to keep the shock off her face, trying to keep her eyes from searching all over the place for bright amber and smooth laughter.

Sirius tries to find signs that might prove her wrong, since it’s not him playing the piano, but she fails because every corner is filled with him.

The traditional yet innovative jazz of the band, playing quick and interchangeably. The relaxed character of the place, people having fun and talking, all while turned towards the mesmerising tunes coming from talented fingers and calculated breaths. The warm lights and the purple hues.

The neon sign.

The audience breaks into applause as soon as the song comes to a finish, and Sirius’ eyes snap towards the stage instantly, a figure in a chestnut brown suit  walking up the small steps and standing behind the microphone.

Remus looks more confident than she's ever seen him.

“Cal Bennet on sax!” He introduces, the audience applauding again for each musician’s great work separately.

“Javier Gonzalez on trumpet!” His hair is styled, a lovely grin on his face as he turns towards the band, urging them all to cheer for their talent. Always kind.

“The lovely Nedra Wheeler on bass,” He points to a beautiful woman who laughs at the loud cheers coming from a few tables in the back.

“The one and only, Clifton ‘Fou-Fou’ Eddie on drums!” He’s relaxed, settles but with a vivid energy on him. As if he’s allowing himself to enjoy every minute of this, gaining life from good music and companionship.

“And a little too good on piano, so good he’s going to own the place if I’m not careful, Khirye Tyler, everybody.”

The loving response from the crowd tells her that not only has he found an audience that appreciates his work the way he deserves, but they’ve also become regulars, an air of companionship flowing through the bar as everyone cheers and seems to have a good time.

Sirius has stumbled upon his dream, the jazz bar filled with laughter and art, all fed by his innate passion.

Remus turns back towards the audience, and it’s at this moment that he stills.

The smile doesn’t fall from his face, and neither is a sparkle in his eyes, but his panting and rooted in place as his eyes are locked on Sirius’.

Sirius who feels like she should apologise for being there, or not being there in the first place. Who feels such an intense sense of pride it overwhelms her into feeling like crying.

Remus’ eyes don’t move away as he takes a deep breath and speaks into the microphone, just for Sirius. “Welcome to Moony’s.”

It’s with a bated breath that Sirius looks at him take a seat in front of the piano, the rest of the musicians moving to the side for what should be Remus’ solo performance.

He doesn’t start playing immediately, he sits there for a few moments, staring at the keys as his relaxation melts into something more careful, like he’s summoning an old memory.

His fingers fall on the keys with the same grace they’ve always had, a melody as familiar as her own pulse.

It’s their melody echoing in the quiet of the room, their melody from that very first night when their story began in another dim-lit bar, long before life brought them together and their dreams pulled them apart.

It’s as if he’s telling their story, telling them about the lovers that lifted each other to a cosmic place where their dreams laid in the palms of their hands, nourishing a love written in the stars.

He’s playing it out all for them to see, something beautiful and stellar, perhaps trying to remind Sirius, let her know that he remembers feeling alive, remembers everything transcend.

As if she could ever forget.

Remus’ second hand joins in the keys, the melody becoming more prominent and clear, even more beautiful as everything fades into the two of them and the life they could’ve had.

Sirius sees it.

They’re back at ‘Lipton’s’ , Remus playing and Sirius watching as he stand up, and instead of walking by he walks right to her, swiping her off her feet as he dives in to kiss her, everything around them erupting into music, the beginning of a movie that is sure to have a happy ending.

He twirls her around before they break off into a run, laughter bubbling out of them as they run through his old apartment and right into ‘The Lighthouse’ , the same passion and enthusiasm surrounding them but now the hesitation is absent.

Sirius sees it.

Remus brushing off Kingsley and leaning back in, talking to her about their dreams, jazz as the soundtrack of their life.

The lights come on as Sirius delivers her last line, the sold-out theatre breaking into applause with Remus there, standing and cheering her on louder than everyone else like he should have been.

The flowers fall upon her as she bows, the next second finding herself backstage in Remus’ arms, eyes full celebration, lips spilling adoration before everything shifts and they find themselves running through the streets of Hollywood, Minerva McGonagall waiting for her at the end of it.

She takes her hand and pulls, Sirius walking with her and Remus following right behind her, behind the audition door where he meets her with another kiss that flies them to Paris.

It’s Remus playing that good Parisian he told her about in ‘Caveau de la Huchette’, just as Sirius find herself under the ‘Arc de triomphe de l'Étoile ’ on the set of a movie with makeup brushes tending to her make up as they both make history.

Midnights by the Seine, blue skies and blossoms as the chase their dreams, breaking off into that same stellar dance that lands them in the middle of the universe, waltzing through skies and constellations, zeroing in on one another as everything they want lies in their palms like stardust.

Remus dips her, and just like that they find themselves sitting in that same ‘ Rialto’ hall, watching their life play out as a film in amber and silver shades.

Them, painting their house in Los angeles. Remus filming Sirius, hair pulled back in a ponytail and yellow t-shirt smudged with paint all over as she laughs.

Them, in their own kitchen. Sirius in a sundress, leaning in to kiss Remus, his arms wrapping around her waist to pull her closer in the room full of cabinets, mugs and plates carefully picked by both of them.

Them, in their living room. Birthday decorations hanging from the ceiling as Remus holds a baby on his hip, Sirius leaning in to place a kiss on its head before they both blow out a single candle in the shape of ‘1’. Remus watches with a grin as the baby stumbles through toys, and Sirius congratulates it for a failed attempt at its first steps.

Them, in their garden waving to the camera. Running through bushes or blossoms, rays bathing them in sunlight as they fall under trees, shades of leaves and branches painted on their faces while they kiss, hold each other with all the love there is to give.

Them, leaving the house earlier tonight. Remus helps her put on her jacket as they leave their house to roam the streets, a baby and a dog keeping each other company on the sofa with a babysitter to take care of them both. Taking the turn to get dinner, stumbling out on the sidewalk, walking down the stairs to Moony’s.

Although it’s not Moony’s.
It’s someone else playing where Remus should, and when she turns to kiss him the dream still lingers in his eyes, still hoping for something he didn’t get to have. 

It all becomes clear in Sirius’ heart.

Their movie ends as it should, like every movie with a dream does.

Losing something, and gaining another thing.

They were brought together to find the strength and love to lift them up, but they needed to reach for their dreams separately.

It all melts back into the present, Remus up there, playing like he’s meant to do, and Sirius on the table, a movie starlet as she’s meant to be.

The room breaks into another round of applause, stunned at the sheer beauty they witnessed that is Remus playing.

“Do you want to stay for another?” Finn’s voice pulls her out of her trance.

It’s with a heavy heart that Sirius refuses, willing a genuine smile to form on her lips. “No, we should go.”

“Alright.” He nods as they stand up, Remus still unmoving in his seat in front of the piano, not having anyone to pull him back to the present.

Finn leads them towards the stairs, and Sirius follows. But when she reaches the landing she pauses, feeling eyes pulling her back.

She turns around, eyes finding him on the other side of the room, seated in front of the piano as he looks at her, silent words passing between them.

☾

Between their eyes, there’s a mutual recognition of the bittersweet limbo they've found themselves under as something nostalgic plays.

I told you, you’d make it.

I am so proud of you.

They break into soft smiles, and Remus nods. It’s a ‘thank you’, for pulling him back on his feet when he needed it most. For believing in him. For the sign.
For being wonderful .

The smiles melt into a goodbye, glistening eyes with a promise that still holds.

I am always going to love you.

They were brought together, lifted each other to a realm where their aspirations and dreams laid in the palms of their hands and then left, forever marked by the other’s love.

I will always love you Sirius Black.


THE END.