Chapter 8
SUNDAY 18TH JANUARY - James
Unknown number has added you and 5 others to a chat
Unknown number has named the chat [Girls, Gals, and Nonbinary Pals]
Unknown number has changed a name
Unknown number has changed a name
Unknown number has changed a name
Unknown number has changed a name
Unknown number has changed a name
Unknown number has changed a name
[Girls, Gals, and Nonbinary Pals]
(11:23) Naldo: Really, Dora?
(11:23) Dot: yef
(11:23) Bartholomew: Who’s the sixth person in the gc
(11:23) James: Me?
(11:23) Naldo: Vraiment ?
(11:23) CasterSugar: BHABHAHAA SOBBING BRICKS
(11:24) Dot: hoq di yuoi sbo drikcs ?
(11:24) Bartholomew: With a dollop magic, a pinch of skill, and a LOT of practice <3
(11:24) Dot: k
(11:24) Dot: Anhwsy wehn aer we wtrchign heasrtopper
(11:24) Dot: If coned oit tnoihgt
(11:24) Naldo: Dora says her thumbs her so she’s sending voice messages.
(11:24) Naldo: Dora says that her microphone isn’t working.
(11:24) Naldo: Dora says she’s using my phone.
(11:25) Naldo: Send help.
(11:25) Dot: Hef ine
*Naldo sent a voice message (2 minutes and 09 seconds)*
{“Dora, yes it’s recording. You can talk.”} {“Okay, I just want to say that we need to pick a dorm to go to so we can watch Heartstopper. Regulus also said that he wants his brother coming.”} {“What?! I didn’t say that…”} {“Yes you did! Minutes ago. Anyway, James, tell Sirius he’s welcome but don’t say that Regulus wants him to come.”} {“Alright then, Dora. Tell him all my dark secrets while your at it.”} {“When Reg was in third year h-“} {Nope! That’s all your talking time done.”} {Rude! Let me- Reg! Let me have the phone! I’m talking. I hate how you’re so tall - get down from the fricking window sill! The window pane will smash you Bescumber!”} {“Ha! Can’t even reach me, tiny thing. Wait- Dora don’t sulk, here’s the phone.”} {“Thank you-ou-ou! James, you can bring some of your friends if you want but please don’t bring the whole year because Reg has sensitive ears-“} {“I don’t have sensitive ears! I’m just autistic!”} {“-even so, don’t invite the year. But apart from that you can bring anyone. Oh, the no-invite list consists of: Emmeline Vance, Benji Fenwick, Severus Snape and any of the Mulciber slash Avery group. As well as any homophobic people because I don’t want Barty or Evan setting any more fires. Okay. Please bring Lily Evans. Bye!”}
(11:28) Bartholomew: Listening to that took years off my life
(11:28) Naldo: Thank you.
(11:28) Evster: Let’s do it in our dorm :p
(11:28) Evster: We can blind our roommates
(11:29) Bartholomew: Good idea SugarPlum
(11:29) Evster: Why thank you my Honey Suckle
(11:29) Bartholomew: Thank you for thanking me my wookie pookie bear
(11:29) Evster: Thank you for thanking me for thanking you my Pickle Bum
(11:29) Bartholomew: Thank you for thanking me for thanking you for thanking me my silly poppet bean
(11:29) James: @Naldo I think you were right
(11:29) Naldo: About what?
(11:30) James: You said that @Evster and @Bartholomew liked each other
(11:30) CasterSugar: IM DYING SOMEONE TELL MARLENE I LOVE HER BECAUSE IVE JUST DIED DEAD
(11:30) CasterSugar: SHIT JAMES DONT SAY THAT
(11:30) Naldo: @James they’ve been dating for a year.
(11:30) James: AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME?
(11:30) James: Ignore me I’m gonna win so many bets
(11:30) Evster: Lmfao
(11:30) Bartholomew: We actually deserve some of that because we’re the reason you’re winning
(11:30) James: Split it three ways?
(11:30) James: Thats like 78 each
(11:31) Evster: HOW MUCH DID YOU BET FOR US?
(11:31) James: It was a group bet between like 14 of us
(11:31) CasterSugar: I want some too
(11:31) Bartholomew: Shoulda got w/ Evan then
(11:31) CasterSugar: Ew no
(11:32) Evster: Thanks? Ew to you too
(11:32) Naldo: Why is everyone gay
(11:32) James: Pot meets kettle
(11:32) Evster: ^^^^^^^^
(11:32) Bartholomew: ^^^^^^^
(11:32) Dot: ^[^^^^^^_
(11:33) Naldo: See you all tonight.
*Naldo let the chat*
*Dot added Naldo to the chat*
*Naldo let the chat*
*Evster added Naldo to the chat*
*Naldo let the chat*
*Bartholomew added Naldo to the chat*
*Naldo let the chat*
*James added Naldo to the chat*
(11:34) Naldo: Turned on my own male-identifying romantically involved partner.
(11:34) James: Sending a virtual air kiss
(11:34) Evster: How romantic
(11:34) Dot: Gay people make me want to throw up
(11:35) CasterSugar: SO NOW YOU CAN SPELL?!
(11:35) Dot: :)
(11:35) Dot: See everyone tonight! <33333 (Please bring Lily Evans)
(11:35) CasterSugar: (and Marlene)
(11:35) James: Excited for the TV show (and seeing Dorcas throw herself at Marlene all night) (and Marlene be oblivious but also throw herself at Dorcas) (and Pandora and Lily snogging so I win a bet with Mary) (and looking at my lovely Regulus)!!
(11:35) Naldo: Nice save (have you ever won a bet with Remus though?).
(11:35): James: Thank you (never once in my life)
(11:35) Evster: STOP BEING HORNY ON MAIN
(11:35) Bartholomew: NEVER
*Naldo removed Bartholomew from the chat*
————
[The IT Girls Of Gryffindor Tower]
(12:04) Wanker: don’t ask how I know but we've been invited to a party
(12:04) Maccies: a) why are we going b) why are not allowed to ask
(12:04) Maccies: Also no because Heartstopper s3 comes out tonight so I’m busy
(12:04) Pussyeater: Everyone’s busy James
(12:05) Lily: We’re having a girls night (without you)
(12:05) Wanker: Hurt.
(12:05) Wanker: Bur Lily and Marls you’ve been asked to come by name
(12:05) Wanker: So has Sirius
(12:05) Wanker: but you guys were mentioned more times
(12:05) Wanker: @Pussyeater @Lily they’ll be really disappointed
(12:05) Wanker: We’re also watching s3 there so :p
(12:05) Siriusly: I was mentioned?
(12:05) Siriusly: I ALSO HAVENT WATCHED HEARTSTOPPER SO WHY ME
(12:05) Siriusly: I’m coming
(12:05) Pussyeater: Wait @Wanker did dragonfruit invite me?
(12:06) Wanker: yeah
(12:06) Wanker: Something you want to tell me
(12:06) Pussyeater: No. I’ll be there tho
(12:06) Wanker: 3/7
(12:06) Wanker: Lils?
(12:06) Lily: Sure ig
(12:06) Wanker: Anyone else?
(12:06) Wanker: I’ll supply free food/booze
(12:06) Maccies: I’m in
(12:06) Maccies: Can I bring Em?
(12:06) Wanker: Emmeline Vance?
(12:06) Maccies: Yeah? She’s my gf?
(12:07) Wanker: No can do sorry
(12:07) Maccies: what why?
(12:07) Wanker: Virtual finger wagging
(12:07) Maccies: fine Twat I’m not coming
(12:07) Wanker: D:
(12:07) Maccies: I want lots of free booze
(12:07) Wanker: don’t make bad decisions! :D
(12:07) Wanker: 5/7
(12:08) Loops: I’m in
(12:08) PettigrEW: Samsies :]
(12:08) Wanker: YIPPEEEE
(12:08) Lily: Time?
(12:08) Wanker: tonight we can meet in the common room and I’ll take us to where we’re going
(12:08) Lily: Don’t get us killed Potter
(12:08) Wanker: I’ll try
————
[Reg]
(14:56) Jellybean: Permission to kiss you tonight
(14:56) Reg: In front of my brother or not?
(14:56) Jellybean: Infront?
(14:56) Reg: why not? We’d tell him at some point. Whether it’s during truth or dare in a few years or next week.
(14:56) Jellybean: So I can kiss you?
(14:56) Reg: Yes, James. You can kiss me.
(14:56) Jellybean: Alr xxxxxxx :pppppp
————
[Remooo]
(14:58) JazzyJames: a tenner says I can kiss sirius’ sibling tonight
(14:58) Remooo: Never in any world am I taking that bet
(14:58) JazzyJames: You suck
(14:58) Remooo: God I wish
(14:58) JazzyJames: Are you high again?
(14:58) Remooo: When am I not
(14:58) JazzyJames: You play a good point
————
[Peterooni]
(14:58) Jamsiee: a tenner says I can kiss Sirius’ sibling tonight
(14:58) Peterooni: twenty quid says you kiss Regina and Sirius doesn’t get mad in some form
(14:59) Jamsiee: I retract my offer
————
[ScorpioSoulmate]
(14:59) AriesAmigo: a fiver says that you won’t get angry tonight at all
(14:59) ScorpioSoulmate: Why would I get mad
(14:59) AriesAmigo: I guess I thought that because when you talk to Regina you sometimes get mad at her
(14:59) ScorpioSoulmate: You’re on mate ;)
————
[Peterooni]
(14:59) Jamsiee: offer is back up.
(14:59) Peterooni: bet.
————
[Girls, Gals, and Nonbinary Pals]
(15:01) James: can I add some people to the chat?
(15:01) Dot: Yse bit olny the peorole woh atre comfinf otnigbht
*James added 6 people to the chat*
(15:01) CasterSugar: Six people? What are you a fucking Kardashian?
(15:01) James: Nope because then I’d be called Kames Kardashian ;)
(15:01) CasterSugar: I just threw up in my mouth
(15:01) James: Can you stop being a lesbian for one second and watch my friends introduce themselves :)
(15:01) ~DavidBowieIsMySpiritAnimal: Why are we introducing ourselves?
(15:01) Bartholomew: OMG REMUS JOHN LUPIN MARRY ME
(15:01) ~DavidBowieIsMySpiritAnimal: ???
(15:02) Bartholomew: Sorry sometimes my mouth just says things
(15:02) Evster: I feel loved thank you
(15:02) Bartholomew: Thank you for thanking me my fluffy banana muffin! <3
(15:02) Naldo: Please do not start that again.
(15:02) James: Please. Anyways! Everyone meet: Sirius, Remus, Peter, Mary, Lils and Marls.
(15:02) Dot: Heyyy
(15:02) CasterSugar: I wonder who that was directed at
(15:02) Evster: Vrai mystère
(15:02) Naldo: @Evster about 2/5 of this group chat knows French you’re not being very sneaky
(15:02) ~Lily: Wrong. It’s more like 6/10. I’m assuming that whoever Naldo, Dot and Evster are know French. Mary and I are also fluent. So is Sirius.
(15:03) CasterSugar: HOMEBOY GOT SCHOOOOLED
(15:03) ~Lily: sending virtual bows
(15:03) Bartholomew: As you should my new queen
(15:03) Evster: Barty is currently ripping his Remus Lupin shrine off of the wall behind his bed
(15:04) ~DavidBowieIsMySpiritAnimal: Good.
(15:04) ~HotAndSexyAsFuck: Can I have it
(15:04) Bartholomew: You can collect it tonight
(15:04) ~HotAndSexyAsFuck: Thanks
(15:04) Naldo: I’m embarrassed to be related to you.
(15:04) ~HotAndSexyAsFuck: I’m honoured that you are embarrassed to be related to me.
*Naldo changed a name*
(15:04) Embarrassment: Now I’m mentally injured
(15:04) Naldo: Good.
(15:05) ~IOwnAFarm: James what booze are you bringing
(15:05) James: Be more blunt?
(15:05) ~IOwnAFarm: James tell me or I’m spending the night with my girlfriend who is better than you
(15:05) James: Thinking vodka and some tequila?
(15:05) ~IOwnAFarm: I want two bottles
(15:05) ~IOwnAFarm: Of each
(15:05) James: You’ll get alcohol poisoning Mary
(15:05) ~IOwnAFarm: Wimp
*~IOwnAFarm left the chat*
(15:06) James: All right then :)
(15:06) Embarrassment: She’s just in a strop ignore her
(15:06) Embarrassment: She broke up w/ Em because she cheated on her w/ some random girl in Hufflepuff
(15:06) Embarrassment: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB CHAIN
(15:06) Dot: EMMELINE FUCKING VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) Evster: Wow never seen Pan swear before
(15:07) Evster: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) Bartholomew: Ikr it’s troubling. EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) James: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) ~Lily: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) ~iwantcheese: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) ~DavidBowieIsMySpiritAnimal: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) Naldo: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB.
(15:07) CasterSugar: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) ~MrsPotter: EMMELINE VANCE HATE CLUB
(15:07) Evster: HELP WHO’S MRS POTTER
(15:07) James: That’s Marlene.
(15:08) ~MrsPotter: That’s no way to speak to your step mum
(15:08) James: YOU AND MY MUM ARENT TOGETHER MARLS
(15:08) James: HER AND MY DAD ARE HAPPILY MARRIED
(15:08) ~iwantcheese: please don’t start this again
(15:08) ~MrsPotter: Effie is my love, my one, my heart, my idol. We are together.
————
[~Dorcas]
(15:08) ~Dorcas: Corpulent.
(15:08) ~Jame: She’s not in love with my mum I swear
(15:08) ~Dorcas: I’m gonna ask you smthg that if you repeat or tell anyone at all (that includes Sirius) then I will set Evan and Barty on you and tell Regulus and Pandora not to hold them back. I will personally help Pandora with cursing you. I will replace all of your textbooks and books with smut and/or a different language. I will fill your bed with bees and rose hip seeds. I will sell you on Facebook marketplace. Hear me?
(15:08) ~Jame: You are heard.
(15:08) ~Dorcas: Does McKinnon like me
(15:08) ~Jame: Depends
(15:08) ~Dorcas: On what?
(15:08) ~Jame: If you’re blind or stupid
(15:08) ~Dorcas: Answer me Potter.
(15:08) ~Dorcas: Answer me now.
(15:08) ~Dorcas: I will tell Sirius that you’re dating Regulus before you get to tell him dramatically
(15:08) ~Jame: Yes she like you
(15:08) ~Jame: But you did NOT hear it from me
*~Dorcas reacted to this message*
————
[Girls, Gals, and Nonbinary Pals]
(15:08) CasterSugar: Really McKinnon?
(15:08) ~MrsPotter: Effie is more of a mother figure to me
(15:08) CasterSugar: I see
(15:08) Bartholomew: So @James can you also buy snacks
(15:08) ~DavidBowieIsMySpiritAnimal: I second that
(15:09) Evster: I third
(15:09) James: Sure what are we wanting
(15:09) James: Nothing over a tenner please
(15:09) Embarrassment: Please caramilk buttons
(15:09) Dot: Jsahha ckase peaslr
(15:09) Evster: Turkish delight
(15:09) Bartholomew: NO JAMES DO NOT GET TUKISH DELIGHT
(15:09) Bartholomew: ILL QUITE LEGIT PAY YOU NOT TO BUY IT
(15:09) James: I’m not even gonna ask but sure I won’t get Turkish Delight
(15:10) James: Getting Jaffa cakes and caramilk tho
(15:10) James: Do we have a preferred popcorn flavour
(15:10) Naldo: Plain
(15:10) Embarrassment: You disgust me
(15:10) James: Respectfully, absolutely not. I’m getting a sweet, a salty, a toffee, and a chocolate
(15:10) Naldo: prats
————
“-ready to go?” James walks down the stairs for the dorms. Lily rolls her eyes at him, then resumes her glance at her phone, “still waiting for Sirius. What is he doing?” James furrows his brows, “Sirius isn’t upstairs?” At that moment, Sirius comes out of the Gryffindor common room curtains - next to James, making him jump. He’s wearing a full Truham Grammar uniform, with a pin on the blazer saying ‘why are we like this?’ in bold blue letters. Marlene snorts, “what are you wearing?”
“In Amazon’s words: a Charlie Spring Cosplay Uniform Halloween Party Suit. What do you think?” He does a quick twirl.
“You look like a right cock, Sirius. Change please.”
“Nope, we’re already late. I hope for brought a change of clothes though, Evan and Barty are going to destroy you.”
“Since when we’re they Evan and Barty?”
“Since they were born?”
“Alright then, James.”
The group makes their way out of the common room. It’s not late, and it’s Sunday to curfew isn’t until ten, so the halls are mostly empty. The glass bottles in James’ plastic Tesco bag clink as he walks, making the few students who pass look at him in confusion. “Have you even seen Heartstopper? Or did you just search up Heartstopper costume?” Sirius shrugs, “just searched Heartstopper costume, like this morning. Paying for my Amazon Prime is the only good thing that dad does,” he wiggles his eyebrows, “same day delivery.”
“Alright then, mate.”
James is sort of excited, and nervous. He’s excited to see Regulus and his friends. He’s excited to sit down and chill with his mates to watch a show and get absolutely pissed. He’s is nervous about Sirius’ reaction, but excited because no matter how Sirius takes the kiss, James is making a tenner from it.
The entrance to the Slytherin common room and dormitories are underground, in the basement, by the chemistry labs, which James always thinks is a bit of an odd place to put them, but Dumbledore has always been prejudiced towards them for no reason. His phone buzzes in his pocket.
————
[Reg]
(19:12) Reg: Ready, my Jellybean?
(19:12) Jellybean: Ready as I’ll ever be, my star.
(19:12) Reg: Can you kiss me first? I feel like Sirius will have less of an extreme reaction if you do it. He doesn’t like me the most.
(19:12) Jellybean: Course <3
————
Sirius looks over his shoulder, but quickly puts his phone away so Sirius can’t see who he’s texting. “Mystery girl?”
“Uh-huh. Look we’re here now.”
“James, do you know the password?” He nods and takes out his phone, scrolling through the messages that Regulus has sent him, looking for the password. “Ivory Chandelier.” Marlene type it in, and the door unlocks, which he then pushes open. Severus Snape, who’s sitting on one of the black leather sofas turns his head to them, “Lily! What are you doing here? Are they making you help them prank us?”
“Piss of, Sev. They’re not making me do anything.”
He ignores her, carrying on, “what are you doing here? You’re not meant to be here? Are they making you shag them?”
“No, Severus. They’re my friends, we’re just here to watch a movie with some people who happen to be in Slytherin. Leave us alone now.” She brushes him off but he grabs her arm. “You know they’re all like, y’know, faggots? They’ll be trying to recruit you for their cult.” Lily opens her mouth to reply, but is cut off by Barty coming down the stairs.
“Ahh, you’re all here for the group orgy? Come on up. Snape you’re welcome to join, unless you don’t want to be recruited.”
Remus, who’s standing beside James, snorts. And the group follow Barty up the stairs. Lily walks closer to Barty, he tells him something that James can’t quite hear. “Right, Potter. For pure dramatics, you’ve to go first. Here- I’ll hold the bag so you have both hands free.”
Sirius whips his head at him so fast that James is surprised it doesn’t fall off, “wait- is James’ secret girl in there? Prongs are you dating Rosier?!” Barty looks at him, “hai detto a Sirius che Reg è una femmina?”
“Estaba preocupado de que fuera homofóbico.”
“Sirius Black? essere omofobo? poi mi dirai che non è innamorato di Lupin.”
“Él no es!” Barty nods and holds back a laugh, “alright. Everyone got a good view? Ho sistemato le telecamere così possiamo rivivere l'esplosione nucleare di Sirius.”
“You, Bartemious Crouch Jr, are an absolute areshole.”
“Thank you! Alright, oh Black get on Lupin’s shoulders so you get the best view.”