Chapter 9
SUNDAY 8TH JANUARY - Regulus
[Not Fast Only Furious]
(19:23) BartSimpson: My lovely Evaneasteer, are the cameras set up
(19:23) EvanHansen p: Ofc course, my peanut
(19:23) ReggieLass: Cameras. You set up cameras.
(19:23) BartSimpson: You thought that we wouldn’t? Rude
(19:23) EvanHansen: How dare you underestimate us
(19:23) ReggieLass: Die.
————
The door opens and Regulus looks up from his phone, “hey, James.”
“Hi, Reg,” James is followed by five Gryffindors, all but Lupin have confused looks on their faces. He stands up and James quickly kisses him on the lips, then turns to Pandora, Dorcas and Evan’s hair braiding chain, “hey guys.” Pandora, whose currently plaiting Dorcas’ braids looks up, “hiya James.” Dorcas smiles at him, “hi.”
Evan doesn’t answer, he just keeps his frustrated look at where he can’t quite tie the end of the braid he’s just made in Pandora’s hair.
“What the fuck?” They both spin round to where Sirius is bring restrained by Remus, and is clearly struggling, “Prongs! You absolute-“ he stops mid sentence, breaths and returns in a calmer manner, “bumbling salt muffin. What, um, was that?” One of the Gryffindors behind Lupin releases a small cackle.
James tries to hide a smile, “sorry, Padfoot. I just fancied giving your super, duper, truper pretty brother, a lil’ smooch. That okay?”
“Oh, you just fancied did you? Just fancied depriving my little baby brother of his innocence?”
“Yup. Maybe, I’ll do it again,” Regulus moves his head towards James and manoeuvres onto his tip-toes, so James doesn’t have to lean down. “And, watch this, again!” The Gryffindor cackles again, making Sirius smack them on the head, “shut up, Lils.” Lupin smirks and a blonde girl next to him takes a photo with her phone.
Barty breaths out dramatically, “now we’ve got that out of the way, welcome to our dorm. I swear there’s not usually this much clutter, but Evan decided that a good way to get our dorm mates out was with individual glitter bombs on each of their school bags. Though, surprisingly it did work, they’re both in the infirmary. Anyways, enter please.”
The Gryffindors and Barty pile in, Sirius not moving his eyes from where Regulus is standing next to James the whole time. James eventually displays the array of alcohol that he’d brought from Tesco’s. Fast forward two hours, Regulus has been introduced to everyone - even has taken a liking to Lily Evans, which he never thought would happen - and Evan has whipped the D.I.Y. drinking monopoly, nicknamed the ‘Blackout Board’ by Dorcas, meaning that all of them are plastered. “Ha! Landed on my hotel! Take another shot, Remus!”
“Uahh, I fucking hate this game! Rydych chi'n wlithod llwyr. I hope you all die,” he mumbles as he downs the shot that Evan just poured him. “Don’t hate the board, hate your alcohol tolerance.”
“You, Evan Jehan Rosier, are a f-f-f-at wanker, and I hope you rot in a hole for the rest of your life.”
“Your middle name is Jehan!?”
“Shut up, your mum probably moaned your name in bed, Bartemious.”
“Woah, too far. It’s Twat’s time to roll, come on.” Regulus rolls his eyes and rolls the die, landing on a twelve. “Double. That’s drink once. Whoa-oa, you landed on the electric company. You know what that means!” Pandora, who Regulus forgot becomes the person that Megan Thee Stallion wrote Savage about, yells and hands him the bottle of Smirnoff’s.
“Please no.”
“Drink twelve times! Or, forfeit and tell us a truth of our choosing. What will you do?”
“Truth. Immediately.” He says quickly, pushing the bottle back to her. Sirius stands up and points at Regulus dramatically, he thinks how scarily alike Sirius and Barty are despite how different they are. “Why did you text me saying that you were mad at me for a week?” Pandora protests, saying that they all had to agree on the question but Evan quiets her, apparently interested in this.
“Because of all the self-defence you taught me as a kid, and why you thought it was necessary to teach me to BITE SOMEONE on the nose when they came near me!” He slurs at Sirius.
“What’s why you did that?!” James gasps, “damn I just thought my nose tasted nice.” Making Regulus roll his eyes for the fifth time this evening and it’s only nine o’clock, and giving him a headache because he’s drunk as fuck. Sirius doesn’t answer, just opens his mouth then pretends to gag onto the floor. “Wait, you bit James on the nose? When? It wasn’t earlier. Wait-! Have you kissed before!?”
Barty, Dorcas and Evan dissolve into giggles. “Clearly you are too drunk to have this conversation. Let’s play something else.”
Evan pulls one of the empty bottles from the waste paper bin, placing it in front of them, “for the chaos, now in this game, respective partners still exist, so a slight peck on the cheek will suffice.” They all agree and start the game. Marlene spins it first, and it lands on Sirius. They both crawl into the middle, and Marlene - who’s gone a subtle shade of crimson - issues Sirius a small kiss on the forehead.
Sirius spins next, it lands on Remus. “Pucker up, Padfoot.” Sirius goes a very very very deep red as Remus kisses him smack bam on the lips. Sirius stutters, but soon gives up talking and silently passes the bottle to Lily (who’s sitting next to him).
A few rounds of spin-the-bottle are played, when James receives the bottle, and spins it slowly, allowing it to land of Regulus. Sirius protests.
“Cheater! Spin it properly, tosser!”
“That was properly. Look,” James spins it again - properly this time - and it lands on Regulus, “see.” He gives Regulus a quick snog, before turning back to Sirius, widening his eyes and giving him a look that apparently Sirius can interpret. “Ew, Prongs. Spin it agin! Get someone other than Reg.”
“Okay, then I’ll try.” He spins it again, the bottle landing on Regulus.
————
[The Schuyler Sisters]
(22:26) BartSimpson: It’s a magnet by the way
(22:26) BartSimpson: Thought I’d let you know
(22:26) EvanHansen: I stuck it on when I got it out the bin
(22:26) ReggieLass: I was going to tell you to die but Sirius’ reaction was quite funny.
————
“This is like, incest!”
“Padfoot, we’re not related.”
“Oh and that makes it better!?”
“Well it makes it not incest!”
Remus hands Sirius a shot of coffee, “drink. Sober up. Sirius Black.” He reluctantly takes the shot, making a disgusted look. “Ugh, where the bloody hell did you get this!?” Remus smirks, “nicked a fuck ton of espresso beans from the canteen. Are you feeling sober yet.”
“I’m feeling like you’ve just fed me poison.”
“Good, I’ve brought some for everyone so we’re not all pissed when we watch Netflix.”
“Speaking of Netflix, Reg, my lovely Reg. Will you do the honours?”
“It’s only half past ten. We’ve got like an hour and a half. We could watch something while we wait?”
Sirius stands up, “season one! Because I haven’t seen it.” Barty rolls his eyes, kicks Sirius in the back of his knees and Sirius falls back down. “Ahh, Jesus Christ, Crouch. Tryna’ take me out?” “If I can help it. Let’s watch something scary.”
Pandora snatches the remote from Barty’s hands and exits Netflix, “nope. Hamilton.” All the Slytherins groan. “Please, Pan. No. We’ve watched it three times this week.” She smiles, “not nearly enough. Lily, have you seen Hamilton?”
“I actually haven’t, is it any good?”
“Absolutely incredible. We’re watching it. Evs and Barty, if you don’t want to watch it, go snog in the bathroom.” Peter interrupts Evan and Barty from replying, “wait- are they dating?”
“…yes?”
The Gryffindors groan in annoyance. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Prongs,” Pete forks out a twenty pound note from his pocket, as the others hand James their tenners. “Thank you!” Marlene slaps James over the head with her shoe, “you have inside knowledge, titface.”
“Nope, made the bet before I knew. Now, I’d like the rest of my money, McKinnon.”
————
The lyrics to Cabinet Battle #2 make Regulus wake up, because apparently he’d fallen asleep. His head was in James’ lap and as he woke up, lifting his head, Regulus had hit James in the chin with his forehead. “Shit, sorry, Soleil.” James’ eyes widen, before restoring to their natural size, “don’t worry, Reg.”
Regulus checks his phone, it’s five to midnight. Evan and Barty don’t appear to be in the room, so Regulus assumes they’ve either taken Pandora’s advice and are snogging in the bathroom, or they’ve left the dorm to steal snack from the canteen. “Dora, Heartstopper comes out in four minutes, could we finish Hamilton another time?”
“No, you’ve not even been watching it, Naldo. We’re gonna finish it.” He’s has always hated that nickname - but Pandora is the exception because Pandora. “Pandora, we could finish it after we binged Heartstopper. Or we could come back and watch it,” Lily rests her hand on her shoulder.
Dora smiles, “okay, wait ‘til Evs and Barty get back though. They’ll want the chance to make fun of Sirius’ outfit, I have no idea how they’ve controlled themselves this evening.”
“That was Reg, he told them he’d match with them for Halloween.”
“Hey! I told you that in confidence!”
“We don’t have that kind of relationship,” James quotes. Regulus starts to reply but is cut off by Sirius, “so you have a relationship where you can snog him?! But you spill his secrets?!”
“No, Padfoot. It’s from Brooklyn Nin-“
“I don’t want to know what it’s from! You’re exploiting my brother! Is it out of pity?”
“No, I am not dating your brother out of pity.”
“Are you sure? Is it because you’re in love with me and we look the same?”
“No!”
“So you’re not in love with me?!” Sirius displays a hurt look in his eyes. “Of course I love you, Pads. Just not like, romantic styles.”
“Rude. Anyway, can Crouch and Rosier hurry up please!”
Barty and Evan do return, they were indeed stealing food from the canteen, but some of the kitchen staff ended up giving them a shit load of food for free. “We brought everyone a Radnor Fizz, because they’re full of sugar. And everyone but Sirius a baguette, because they were out. You can have the fruit pot.”
Sirius throws the fruit pot at Barty’s head, the pot clattering onto the floor and the pineapple cubes getting stuck in his hair. “That was all your food, Sirius. You don’t get anymore,” he says as he picks out the pineapple and eats it. Sirius scowls in disgust.
————
The last episode of Heartstopper ends, and Regulus looks around. Barty and Evan are passed out on Barty’s bed, which isn’t unusual. Sirius is asleep on the floor with his hair having been styled into a Mohawk with gel (probably done by Evan and Barty), the waste paper pin on top of his head (probably done by Evan and Barty), and he has a moustache and a beard drawn on with a black pen (probably, again, done by Evan and Barty).
Pandora and Lily are sat next to each other, tossing popcorn into each other’s mouths - and from the amount of popcorn in Lily’s hair, Regulus can testify that Pandora is absolutely shit at it.
James is zonked on the floor next to him, his top has rode up slightly, and Regulus can see all of his muscles. Jesus, does this man have a bone there somehow? How the fuck? He lets his finger travel over them intents of James’ chest, his skin so smooth. He looks up to see Remus eying him up for the he corner of the room.
————
[Remus Lupin]
(03:54) RemusLupin: So is he your boyfriend yet?
(03:54) RegulusBlack: I don’t know
(03:54) RegulusBlack: Is it an unwritten and unsaid thing or do I ask?
(03:54) RemusLupin: Ask I think? I’ve only been in one relationship and it was the one that made me realise that I’m very very homosexual
(03:54) RegulusBlack: Ahh so I’m talking to an expert.
(03:54) RemusLupin: You bet
————
Regulus snorts, looking back at Remus who’s trying to not laugh.
Marlene and Dorcas are snoring in Evans’ bed, Dorcas’ braided braids has somehow made its way into Marlene’s mouth, he’s not sure if it purposefully or not.
He turns his phone off and lays his head on James’ chest - because he thinks that it looks like a very comfy place to sleep, and it’s almost four in the morning and Regulus hasn’t slept all night. Regulus was correct, the ‘pillow’ was very very comfortable.