Chapter 2
MONDAY 23RD JANUARY - JAMES
[The Marauders]
(05:01) Prongs: Rise and shine everybody :D
(05:01) Padfoot: Of course my love!
(05:01) Prongs: @Moony @Wormtail
(05:01) Padfoot: @Moony @Wormtail
(05:03) Wormtail: Piss off <3
(05:03) Padfoot: WE GOT WORMY!
(05:03) Padfoot: @Moony !!!
(05:03) Wormtail: He doesn’t even need to wake up?
(05:03) Wormtail: He’s not on the team
(05:04) Wormtail: Lucky bastard doesn’t have to be woken up by you two aresholes for practice
(05:04) Prongs: I am wounded!
(05:04) Prongs: You have wounded me Peter Pettigrew!
(05:05) Wormtail: Just get ready so we can leave
(05:05) Wormtail: Longbottom will shag us if we’re late
(05:05) Wormtail: You better not do this when your captain James
(05:06) Padfoot: Wormy, what do you think shag means?
(05:06) Wormtail: Like beat up?
(05:06) Prongs: Yeah, that’s the meaning
(05:07) Padfoot: Yeah
(05:07) Wormtail: I’m scared now
(05:07) Wormtail: Googling it
(05:07) Prongs: No time! Gotta go to practice come on
(05:07) Padfoot: Let’s go!
(05:08) Wormtail: Lemme get my cocks on first
(05:08) Wormtail: *SOCKS
(05:08) Wormtail: SIRIUS ORION BLACK STOP CHANGING MY AUTOCORRECT!
(05:09) Padfoot: Whoops?
(05:09) Padfoot: Stop leaving your phone unlocked around me? Get a password?
(05:09) Prongs: Come on, Longbottom will shag us if we’re late!
*Padfoot has reacted ‘:(’ to this message*
(05:10) Wormtail: I’m fucking coming, calm your tits
————
(07:56) Prongs: Should we wake @Moony up?
(07:56) Prongs: School starts in four minutes
(07:57) Wormtail: Three minutes
(07:57) Prongs: Shut up Wormy
(07:57) Moony: I’m awak
(07:57) Padfoot: MOONY! :D
(07:57) Prongs: MOONY!
(07:57) Wormtail: MOONY!!
(07:57) Moony: Be fucking quiet you’re giving me a headache
(07:58) Prongs: School starts in two minutes
(07:58) Moony: I know
(07:58) Moony: I’ve been awake since 5 because you shits can’t stop thumping around for your lives
(07:58) Padfoot: Come out your bed so we don’t have to text?
(07:58) Wormtail: Good point, why’re we texting
(07:58) Moony: Noise
(07:59) Padfoot: Has our ittle wittle Moony got sensitive ears?
(07:59) Moony: I hate hearing aids
(07:59) Moony: Someone other than Sirius needs to learn sign language
(07:59) Prongs: HEY!
(07:59) Prongs: I CAN DO THE ALPHABET!
(07:59) Wormtail: AND NUMBERS UP TO 1000
(07:59) Moony: How useful
(07:59) Prongs: We are learning. I find this conversation offensive.
(08:00) Wormtail: Don’t hate the student
(08:00) Padfoot: That’s not the phrase Pete
(08:00) Wormtail: Shut up Mr-I’m-My-Own-Cousin
(08:00) Padfoot: How original
(08:01) Prongs: Guys form started a minute ago
(08:01) Prongs: In a second Minnie will be coming for our heads
(08:01) Moony: Coming out
(08:01) Wormtail: Fucking told you
(08:01) Prongs: I’ll dig the cash out at lunch Wormy
(08:02) Moony: ???
(08:02) Padfoot: Bet saying you were gay
(08:02) Moony: I MEANT MY BED
(08:02) Moony: That too though
(08:02) Moony: You’re currently texting a bisexual icon
(08:02) Moony: A bicon if you will
(08:03) Prongs: GUYS
(08:03) Prongs: FORM?
(08:03) Padfoot: Fine
(08:03) Padfoot: Killjoy.
————
[Handstand-man]
(11:19) ~Jame: So you go to Hogwarts?
(11:19) Handstand-man: Yes.
(11:20) Handstand-man: So do you.
(11:20) ~Jame: Yeasssss
(11:20) ~Jame: What year are u?
(11:20) Handstand-man: Fourth.
(11:21) ~Jame: Cool
(11:21) ~Jame: I’m fifth
(11:21) ~Jame: Gryffindor :D
(11:21) Handstand-man: Slytherin.
(11:22) ~Jame: Oh we’re so gonna beat you at footy on Friday
(11:22) Handstand-man: I doubt that highly.
(11:22) ~Jame: Really?
(11:23) ~Jame: Bet?
(11:23) Handstand-man: What are you betting?
(11:23) ~Jame: If we win then you can tell me your name
(11:23) ~Jame: But if you win I’ll give you twenty quid
(11:23) Handstand-man: No thanks.
(11:24) ~Jame: Why not?
(11:24) ~Jame: If your name like super embarrassing or smthg?
(11:24) Handstand-man: No, you’ll just know who was doing the handstand on Saturday.
(11:24) Handstand-man: Luckily my friend is an android user and his camera doesn’t work.
(11:25) Handstand-man: So you can’t see my face in the photo.
(11:25) Handstand-man: I want nobody to know who that is.
(11:25) ~Jame: Didn’t your brother send it to you?
(11:25) Handstand-man: My brother is annoyingly good at recognising me.
(11:25) ~Jame: Ahh
(11:26) ~Jame: So the bet?
(11:26) Handstand-man: No.
(11:26) Handstand-man: I’m gonna get my phone confiscated if you carry on.
(11:26) ~Jame: Alr then, Handstand-man
(11:27) Handstand-man: Goodbye, Stranger.
————
[The Marauders]
(11:29) Prongs: Guys I think I have a crush
(11:29) Padfoot: We know Prongs
(11:29) Wormtail: You never shut up about her
(11:29) Moony: Like ever
(11:29) Prongs: Who?
(11:30) Padfoot: Evans? Who else?
(11:30) Prongs: No, not Evans. Guys I have a new crush
(11:30) Wormtail: Took you long enough
(11:31) Padfoot: Who’s the lucky girl then?
(11:31) Prongs: …
(11:31) Padfoot: Prongs?
(11:32) Padfoot: Who is it?
(11:32) Prongs: I don’t know.
(11:32) Padfoot: Do they go to Hogwarts?
(11:32) Prongs: Yes
(11:32) Padfoot: Then you’ve got a chance!
(11:32) Padfoot: All the girls are practically tripping over their feet for you
(11:32) Padfoot: And me
(11:32) Padfoot: But also you
(11:32) Prongs: Cheers?
(11:32) Moony: Okay, I’m putting my phone away
(11:32) Moony: This is not worth my time
(11:33) Padfoot: NO MOONY COME BACK
(11:33) Prongs: Moony :(
(11:34) Padfoot: Shit Slughorn is coming! Hide the telephones!
————
[Handstand-man]
(12:50) ~Jame: Aren’t you interested in my name?
(12:53) Handstand-man: Not really.
(12:53) ~Jame: Um rude?
(12:53) Handstand-man: Sorry.
(12:54) Handstand-man: What’s your name, Stranger.
(12:54) ~Jame: I’d tell you
(12:54) ~Jame: But then I’d have to kill you
(12:55) Handstand-man: I don’t know why I bothered
(12:55) ~Jame: You know you find me irresistible and charming
(12:55) ~Jame: Deep down
(12:55) Handstand-man: …
(12:56) ~Jame: Very very deep down
(12:56) Handstand-man: I am in class at the moment.
(12:56) Handstand-man: I do not want to be caught with my phone out.
(12:57) Handstand-man: Goodbye, Stranger.
(12:57) ~Jame: Bye bye byeeeeeee Handstand-man!
————
[The It Girls Of Gryffindor Tower]
(13:06) Siriusly: Guys I have an idea
(13:06) Loops: That’s a first
(13:06) Jamie: Yeah mate, congrats
(13:06) Siriusly: Shut up
(13:07) PettigrEW: What’s the idea
(13:07) Siriusly: We tie Snivellus…
(13:07) Jamie: FROM THE CEILING!
(13:07) Pussyeater: Kinky
(13:08) Lily: Marls wtf
(13:08) Jamie: Hey Evans!
*Lily left the chat*
(13:08) Maccies: I think you scared her off
*PettigrEW changed a name*
(13:09) EvansRepeller: Honestly fuck you all
(13:09) Siriusly: Yeah, my man isn’t into Evans anymore
(13:10) Maccies: Thank fuck
(13:10) Pussyeater: Took you long enough
(13:10) Pussyeater: Only four years?
(13:10) EvansRepeller: More like three and a half
*EvansRepeller added Lily to the chat*
(13:11) PettigrEW: So the prank?
(13:11) Siriusly: Right
(13:11) Siriusly: We tie Snivellus from those wooden pillars on the ceiling above the stairs to physics
(13:12) Lily: Don’t call him that Sirius
(13:12) Siriusly: What do we call him?
(13:13) EvansRepeller: Greasy?
(13:13) Lily: Severus? Snape?
(13:13) Pussyeater: I prefer Greasy
(13:13) Maccies: Same
*Lily has left the chat*
(13:14) EvansRepeller: Think you scared her off Macdonald
(13:14) Maccies: You’re such a wanker Potter
(13:14) EvansRepeller: And I wear that label like a goddamn prefect badge
*Maccies changed a name*
(13:15) Pussyeater: Really Potter?
(13:15) Wanker: Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, you guys suck
(13:15) Pussyeater: Ew no
(13:15) Maccies: Ew no
(13:15) Wanker: …
(13:15) Wanker: I give up
(13:15) Maccies: What’s the score board at, Evans?
(13:16) Lily: It’s bad
(13:16) Lily: 1-James, 29-Everyone else
(13:16) Wanker: You’ve been keeping score!?
(13:16) Lily: Since the beginning of the year
(13:16) Wanker: It’s the 23rd?
(13:16) Maccies: What can I say? You just give up too easily
(13:17) Siriusly: That’s not true
(13:17) Siriusly: He tried to date @Lily for three and a half years
(13:17) Wanker: Didn’t give up for ages
(13:18) Pussyeater: Not something to brag about, Potter
(13:18) Wanker: U sure?
(13:18) Lily: Yes.
(13:19) Loops: Humbled by the queen herself
(13:19) Lily: Remus I’ve got shit on you too
(13:19) Loops: My bad
(13:19) Loops: I am a Lily Evans supporter through and through.
(13:20) Lily: Good to hear
————
[The Marauders]
(14:12) Prongs: Guys
(14:12) Prongs: I need to figure out who Handstand-man is
(14:13) Moony: Who the actual fuck is handstand-man?
(14:13) Prongs: The person I have a minor developing foetus crush on
(14:13) Wormtail: Foetus crush?
(14:13) Prongs: I don’t know
(14:13) Prongs: Anyway
(14:13) Prongs: I need to figure out who it is
(14:14) Padfoot: What do you know?
(14:14) Prongs: Goes to Hogwarts, Fourth year, Slytherin
(14:14) Padfoot: Well that narrows it down
(14:14) Wormtail: What about their name? That might be useful
(14:15) Prongs: They won’t tell me that
(14:15) Wormtail: Then maybe, maybe, maybe, they don’t want you to figure out who they are
(14:15) Padfoot: Nah that can’t be it
(14:15) Prongs: That’s not it
(14:15) Moony: You guys are idiots.
(14:15) Moony: But yk what would narrow it down?
(14:15) Moony: Their gender
(14:15) Prongs: Well I can’t just ask them ‘what gender do you identify as?’
(14:16) Padfoot: How woke of you Prongs
(14:16) Prongs: Hush Padfoot, the adults are talking
(14:16) Padfoot: I literally older than you wtf
(14:16) Wormtail: Bring up the fact you named them handstand-man
(14:16) Wormtail: Then it will come up in conversation easily
(14:16) Prongs: Lemme try
(14:17) Prongs: Bare with
————
[Handstand-man]
(14:17) ~Jame: So Stranger
(14:17) Handstand-man: Why do you always text me during lessons?
(14:17) ~Jame: Wow fast reply
(14:17) Handstand-man: I was on my phone.
(14:17) ~Jame: IN A LESSON!? HOW AWFUL! I MUST TELL MINERVA IMMEDIATELY!
(14:17) ~Jame: Or Uncle Slug, he’s ur head of house.
(14:17) Handstand-man: What do you want, Stranger?
(14:17) ~Jame: Just realised that I called you Handstand-man
(14:18) Handstand-man: That just occurred to you?
(14:18) ~Jame: Shush
(14:18) ~Jame: Anyway, I called you man
(14:18) ~Jame: I never asked you your gender
(14:19) Handstand-man: If this is some way to figure out who I am, it’s not working.
(14:19) ~Jame: I just wanted to know if you were male-identifying
(14:19) Handstand-man: Male-identifying?
(14:20) ~Jame: Yeah
(14:20) ~Jame: Are you male-identifying?
(14:20) Yes, Stranger. I am male-identifying.
(14:20) ~Jame: Wowzers
(14:20) ~Jame: Same by the way
(14:21) ~Jame: I am too, male-identifying
(14:21) Handstand-man: Bye, Stranger.
————
[The Marauders]
(14:21) Prongs: She’s a girl
(14:21) Wormtail: That’s good
(14:21) Prongs: wdym ‘that’s good’
(14:21) Wormtail: I mean, we’ve already got Moony as our token gay
(14:21) Padfoot: Low, Wormy, low
*Prongs has removed Wormtail from the chat*
(14:22) Moony: My saviours?
(14:22) Padfoot: Just doing our jobs as the token straight friends
(14:22) Prongs: Token straight friends?
(14:22) Padfoot: Yeah?
(14:22) Moony: You wanna tell him or shall I
(14:23) Prongs: Let’s let him figure it out
(14:23) Moony: That could take years
(14:23) Padfoot: I’m still here by the way
(14:23) Padfoot: Stop talking about me as if I’m not
(14:23) Prongs: Oh look, Binns is coming over here! What a shame
(14:24) Padfoot: This isn’t the end of this conversation btw
*Moony added Wormtail to the chat*
(14:24) Prongs: Moony?
(14:24) Wormtail: SORRY MOONY I DIDNT THINK IM SORRY
(14:25) Moony: I don’t really care Peter
(14:25) Wormtail: I’m still sorry
————
[Handstand-man]
(18:32) ~Jame: So Handstand-man
(18:35) Handstand-man: Stranger, you’ve texted me like five times today.
(18:35) ~Jame: Well I was just wondering
(18:35) ~Jame: What I’m saved in your contacts as
(18:35) Handstand-man: You’re not.
(18:35) Handstand-man: Sorry, Stranger.
(18:35) ~Jame: No need to worry, here are some wicked and cool things you can save me as
(18:35) Handstand-man: I’m scared.
(18:36) ~Jame: Rude. Alr here they come
(18:36) ~Jame: James
(18:36) Handstand-man: Boring.
(18:36) ~Jame: It’s my name?
(18:37) Handstand-man: Boring.
(18:37) ~Jame: Okay, less boring. Aries Amigo
(18:37) Handstand-man: Never am I ever calling you Aries Amigo.
(18:37) ~Jame: I worked hard on that! My friend makes me call him ‘Scorpio Soulmate’ so I thought it’d make sense
(18:38) Handstand-man: So you stole it.
(18:38) Handstand-man: That’s low, Stranger. Very low.
(18:38) ~Jame: What about Jam
(18:38) Handstand-man: Jam?
(18:38) ~Jame: Yeah, or a variation
(18:38) ~Jame: Like Jam tart, jam roly-poly, jam pudding, jam turnover, jam ice cream
(18:39) Handstand-man: You ever ahead jam ice cream?
(18:39) ~Jame: No but I imagine it tastes amazing
(18:39) Handstand-man: Is it even a thing?
(18:39) ~Jame: Google seems to think so
(18:39) Handstand-man: I’ll stick with Stranger.
*Handstand-man has changed a name*
(18:40) Stranger: Well I’m not really a stranger
(18:40) Stranger: I live in the same building as you
(18:40) Stranger: Maybe we’ve even met before
(18:40) Handstand-man: I highly doubt that, Stranger.
(18:40) Stranger: Until tomorrow, Handstand-man
(18:40) Handstand-man: Bye, Stranger.