Chapter 1
SATURDAY 21ST JANUARY - REGULUS
[Unknown Number]
(13:08) ~Jame: Macdonald
(13:08) ~Jame: Can you get us lunch please
(13:10) ~R.A.B.: Wrong number.
(13:10) ~Jame: Sorry, mate
(13:11) ~Jame: New phone
(13:11) ~R.A.B.: Really? You don’t go around sending random numbers a preplanned script?
(13:11) ~Jame: Surprisingly no
(13:11) ~R.A.B.: Enjoy your lunch, Stranger.
(13:12) ~Jame: Thanks
(13:12) ~Jame: You too
————
*~Jame has sent a photo*
(13:57) ~Jame: Lunch was bought! :p
(13:59) ~R.A.B.: You’ve still got the wrong number.
(13:59) ~Jame: No haven’t
(13:59) ~Jame: I was just updating you :)
(13:59) ~Jame: Currently enjoying a cheese and ham croissant sandwich
(13:59) ~R.A.B.: I saw the photo.
(13:20) ~Jame: Okay
(13:20) ~Jame: Cool
(13:20) ~Jame: Yeah
(13:20) ~R.A.B.: Bye, Stranger.
————
[Not Fast Only Furious]
(14:36) Pussface: Guys
(14:36) Pussface: Party at Ravenclaw tonight
(14:36) Pussface: We’re all going
(14:37) Pissface: YES
(14:37) Panda: Suodns fnu! :D
(14:38) Dork: Leggooo
(14:38) Twat: No.
(14:38) Pissface: Gonna drag Reg from his bed so we can all go
(14:39) Twat: No.
(14:39) Twat: I’m busy.
(14:39) Dork: Doing what?
(14:40) Twat: I’m not allowed to disclose that.
(14:40) Pussface: I’m outside get in the car
(14:41) Twat: Not home. Fine someone else to bother.
(14:41) Pussface: I’m breaking in you left the window unlocked
(14:42) Twat: What.
(14:42) Twat: I live on the second floor.
(14:42) Twat: Barty.
(14:43) Pissface: Is @Pussface dead?
(14:43) Pissface: @Pussface
(14:43) Pissface: @Pussface
(14:43) Pissface: @Pussface
(14:43) Dork: @Pussface
(14:50) Pussface: Just scaled @Twat ‘s drainpipe
(14:50) Pussface: Feeling silly :p
(14:52) Panda: Oh no! Aer yuo koay?
(14:52) Pussface: Never better ;)
(14:43) Panda: Oh
(14:43) Pissface: What a shame
(14:43) Twat: Send help. Barty is dragging me off the sofa by my ankles.
(14:44) Dork: @Pussface take a chill pill
(14:44) Dork: Party’s not for like four hours
(14:44) Pussface: Mission successful :)
(14:44) Twat: Someone call the police.
(14:45) Twat: I’ve been taken hostage.
(14:45) Panda: Caingll temh nwo! :D
(14:45) Pissface: PAN NO
(14:45) Dork: PANDORA ROSIER HANG UP
(14:45) Pussface: PANDA STOP
(14:45) Twat: Dora, maybe hang up. It’s not an emergency. Barty has let me go to rapid fire type.
(14:45) Panda: Oaky! I hngu up. Teh lday wss si niec abuot it. Hse saud goid lukc to Reg!
(14:46) Dork: Of course the 999 operator loves Panda
(14:46) Dork: Everyone loves Panda
————
(20:38) Twat: Are all of you at the party?
(20:38) Dork: Yeah by the beer pong table
(20:38) Pussface: Which one
(20:38) Twat: Barty and I can’t find you
(20:39) Pissface: In the basement
(20:39) Pissface: Pan is showing someone her crystals
(20:39) Pissface: I think she’s forgotten about us
(20:39) Twat: I envy her right now.
(20:40) Pussface: Unkind words
(20:40) Pussface: I am heartbroken
(20:41) Dork: I am hurt
(20:41) Dork: Physically and mentally
(20:41) Pissface: You love us really Reginald
(20:42) Twat: No I don’t.
(20:42) Pissface: Guys
(20:42) Pissface: I just saw Emmeline
(20:42) Pussface: ???
(20:43) Pissface: Vance
(20:43) Pissface: Seriously?
(20:43) Pissface: Pan’s ex?
(20:44) Dork: The one that Barty pushed into a lake?
(20:44) Pissface: Yeah that one
(20:44) Pussface: Oh I remember
(20:45) Twat: Currently walking over to her.
(20:45) Twat: Accidentally spilt my drink on her.
(20:45) Twat: What a shame.
(20:46) Twat: Pomegranate juice is really hard to get out of white cashmere.
(20:46) Dork: True shame
(20:47) Pissface: Literally
(20:47) Pussface: GUYS KARAOKE BAR IS FREE!
(20:47) Pussface: WE’RE DOING ABBA
(20:47) Pissface: I’ll get Pan
(20:48) Twat: No.
(20:48) Dork: Regulus actually means yes
(20:48) Twat: No.
(20:48) Pussface: I’ll handle this
(20:49) Pussface: Bare with, my loves
(20:49) Twat: wisjndjnnndjs
(20:49) Twat: oskjnskdjkalsa
(20:49) Dork: ????
(20:49) Twat: Yes! I am so excited to do karaoke!
(20:50) Twat: Can we do Mamma Mia?!
(20:50) Pussface: Of course, Regulus!
(20:50) Dork: Should I be concerned…?
(20:50) Pussface: Nah, come on. Before those slimy lads heading over the to the mic get it.
————
(21:13) Twat: That was painful.
(21:13) Pussface: Where did you run off to now, pickle?
(21:13) Twat: Die.
(21:13) Panda: Wree ay hte dftimks tanel
(21:14) Pissface: How drunk is @Twat ?
(21:14) Pissface: Scale of 1-10
(21:14) Panda: One Rdink snf hehs wanying to di a hansfatsnd
(21:15) Dork: That I want to watch
(21:15) Pissface: And maybe take a photo of
(21:15) Pussface: Fucking lightweight
————
SUNDAY 22ND JANUARY
[Unknown Number]
(12:45) ~R.A.B.: I’m gonna kill you all one day.
(12:45) ~Jame: Excuse me?
(12:45) ~R.A.B.: Wrong chat. Sorry.
(12:45) ~Jame: Now I’m intrigued
(12:45) ~Jame: Who are wanting to kill
(12:46) ~R.A.B.: My friends.
(12:46) ~R.A.B.: They dragged me to a party last night and let me do a handstand against the wall.
(12:46) ~R.A.B.: I woke up to my brother sending me a picture of it, saying I was trending on Instagram.
(12:47) ~Jame: Wait, this u?
*~Jame sent a photo*
(12:47) ~R.A.B.: For the love of God.
(12:47) ~R.A.B.: Yes that is me.
(12:47) ~Jame: I’ll keep this photo for blackmail then
(12:47) ~R.A.B.: Sleep with one eye open, Stranger.
(12:48) ~Jame: Talk to you later, handstand-man
*~Jame changed a name*
(12:49) Handstand-man: Really?
(12:49) ~Jame: Yep
(12:50) Handstand-man: Alright then.
(12:50) Handstand-man: Bye, Stranger.
(12:50) ~Jame: Bye Handstand-man :D
————
[Not Fast Only Furious]
(12:41) Pussface: Reg is gonna hate us isn’t he
(12:43) Pissface: Nah, he’ll hate you
(12:43) Pissface: You’re the one who sent it to Sirius
(12:43) Pussface: He’ll find that funny?
(12:43) Dork: You better start running Crouch.
(12:51) Twat: I’m gonna kill you all one day.
(12:51) Pissface: Ahh he’s risen
(12:51) Pussface: Finally awake
(12:51) Twat: Count your fucking days Bartemius Crouchemius Junior.
(12:51) Dork: Bro got full named
(12:52) Pussface: Crouchemius?
(12:52) Pissface: You should change your name to that Bart
(12:52) Pussface: Is that so Evie
(12:53) Dork: Please stop flirting in our group chat
(12:53) Panda: Imam throu up rn
(12:53) Dork: Alcohol or Rosekiller?
(12:54) Panda: Bof
(12:54) Pissface: Can we go back to Rosekiller?
(12:54) Pussface: Yeah what is that
(12:55) Twat: Your ship name
(12:55) Pissface: Okay
(12:55) Pussface: What :o
(12:55) Pussface: We’re not together
(12:56) Twat: …
(12:56) Dork: …
(12:56) Panda: .,.
(12:56) Pissface: We’ve been dating for a full year Barty
(12:56) Pussface: We have?
(12:57) Pussface: @Twat owes me a tenner
(12:57) Twat: No I don’t.
(12:57) Pussface: That was the deal? Could I be dating Evan by the end of the year I did it
(12:58) Twat: It’s January, Barty.
(12:58) Twat: We made that bet four years ago.
(12:58) Pussface: Still did it
(12:59) Dork: Four years?
*Pussface deleted a chat*
(12:30) Dork: Alr then, deny it all yw. We all saw it.
(12:31) Pussface: No you didn’t
(12:31) Pussface: You’re mistaken