Back to the Old House

1/9/72

I find this is a very odd thing for me to be doing, but my best friend Pans says it would be good for me to get my words out somewhere, and since she claims I'm not good at opening up she gifted me this notebook. 

((Sirius' eyes scanned the words, and memories washed over him like a raging tsunami, looking for the exact emotions that Sirius was currently drowning in, Regulus never did like speaking to him about his feelings, but anyone could tell the younger Black was struggling.

His sunken eyes, the purple eyebags gradually getting darker as time sped past like sand falling to the bottom of an hourglass, his ghostly complexion, but, alas the stupid little blighter never said shit about it, and it always used to enrage Sirius.))

I don't quite know what to do with this or what to write in it as my life is quite boring. I'm not anything special, or interesting , I'm just Regulus Black, simply Regulus Arcturus Black. I would assume that this is the perfect moment for introductions is it not? 

As you know my name is Regulus Arcturus Black, I'm currently 11 and on the train to start my first year at Hogwarts, my best friend Pandora Lestrange is currently asleep on my shoulder, I've known her for 6 years, to be completely honest she's more of a sister to me. My brother Sirius, is a year older, he's in his second year of Hogwarts, I have to say I'm very excited to attend the same school as him, he's amazing, the best big brother anyone could ask for, despite what my parents say he is, and always will be, my grand fère.

((He doesn't know why but this made Sirius' eyes prick with tears like little needles stabbing this eyelids slowly, it was odd and he had mixed feelings about the emotion when they were because of Regulus.))

 I already know what house I will be in, there's no denying it, Slytherin through and through, both me and Pans know she's going to get Ravenclaw, she may be a Lestrange, but the truth is her great-great- great grandfather married a muggle and was officially disowned from the Lestrange's, Merlin do I wish me and Sirius had that luxury but unfortunately the world is not so kind.

Saying that, I do just have to love Andy and Cissa, to be frank Andy is the only reason me and Pans are so close, to explain Andy used to take me, Sirius and Cissa to the park by our house when she hit the age of ten, Pans just so happened to go there looking for fairies, even though you aren't going to find any in muggle London and we've been siblings by choice since.

((If you asked Sirius why his mouth went dry and he felt a sharp pang in his chest he would tell you you were delusional and need to be sent to St Mungos for a psych evaluation right away, because no, he didn't feel a stinging in his chest and his mouth was perfectly fine, and he didn't feel jealous, not at all, not one bit.))

If you expect me to write about my summer, you will be highly disappointed, though I guess I can reveal some, less, of the, well distressing bits.

To start with my mother put me under the imperius, yet again, I'm not entirely sure why, as we where only going to pick Sirius up from 9 and 4/3, she muttered something about how she couldn't have two sons staining the Black name, and it's ironic because she hates when I mutter, finds it disrespectful, she's even put me under the crutiatus because of it on multiple occasions.

((Sirius was confused if anything, well not entirely, he was confused and furious, he felt like he would and could kill Walburga, if she wasn't already dead.))

I should have been angry, frustrated, but I wasn't, when you grow up in the environment both me and my brother has it stops getting infuriating, it stops making you upset, you just get use to it. The numbness of it all, the shouting matches, the curses, the unforgivables, being locked in your room or dark, dingy basements, you get used to it over time.

I know that's not normal, I've snuck over to Pans more than enough to know it's not, to know that the times I sneak into my brothers room, to check if he's alright and finding him covered in dried blood and bruises is not normal, the days I find myself locked in my room, unable to leave for days on end, to get struck across the face for so much as a breathing a bit too heavily is not normal .

Goodness gracious me, none of this is normal, but what fucking ever, it doesn't matter now, it's never mattered at all, seven years of school, seven years away from that pathetic excuse of a home....

((Sirius turned to the next page only to find a poem, well not exactly, more like the startings of one that was left unfinished, him and Marlene had a bet to who in "The Pantheon" would right sad, emo, poems, and it seems his ickle baby brother was the one, Marlene owed him 5 galleons...))

I would rather not go, 

back to the old house,

there's too many bad memories, too many.

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The train jerked to a stop and his book fell to the floor, the large 1 glinted as the moons light beat down onto that area of the compartment, Regulus moved his head to check that they where at the train station and they, in fact, where.

Pandoras blonde hair stuck up in several different directions as she moved her head of her best friends shoulder, letting out a deep yawn and moving her arms to stretch above her head.

Regulus chuckled at the sight of her, bringing his hand up to brush her blonde locks into a more orderly fashion, she let out a content sigh as he did this, but the moment ended early when she leapt from the the seat, looking out the window, at Regulus and then back out the window.

"Pots, we're hereeee," She squealed, grabbing the other hands and pulling him up with no trouble, Regulus grinned at the nickname, Andy had given him and Pandora the double nickname after they became close, both Andy and Cissa joked that they where in love, but that was far from it, Regulus had always admired Pandora but just in a loving, sibling way.

"Pots and Pans, there you go," Andy said, looking at the two children in front of her.

"Pots and Pans?" Regulus asked tilting his head to the side, questioning what his cousin was going on about, and if he would have to call Cissa over from where she was arguing with Sirius.

"Hm, I like it, I'm pans and your pots silly." Pandora said, nudging the boy next to her looking between the two blacks with a smile that could brighten the entire world, just like how she brightened Regulus. 

Before the boy could say anything the other wrapped her arms around his arm, and pulled him off to look for fairies, he knew they wouldn't find any, but he didn't want to break that to the girl, because she turned her head to look at him, grinning, her blue eyes glinting in the light that made her features stand out, she basked in the sun, soaked it up graciously, and that's when Regulus realised he truly knew what love was, if not from his parents than this girl, because, despite him not knowing quite yet, she saved his life, more than once, and he saved hers, this girl, this sweet girl that smelled like lavender and sage, was his other half, his platonic soulmate, she was his Pans and he was her Pots.     

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