you're such a damn liar
The weekend had gone by in a blur. Perhaps that was because Regulus’ vision had been blurry since the concert. Whether because of tears or exhaustion, Regulus hadn’t been able to see clearly since Saturday.
Thankfully, Regulus had always been good at blocking things out. Soon enough, that box in the back of his mind would overflow. It had been pried open by Sirius’ hands Saturday. Trust Sirius to ruin everything for Regulus. Sirius was the reason Regulus had an internal war, tearing him to pieces. Sirius was the reason Regulus had embarrassed himself in front of James. Sirius was the reason Regulus had tears streaking down his face again.
He quickly wiped at his cheeks and cleared his throat. This was not the moment. There would never be a good moment, but there were infinitely worse ones than being alone in his apartment. It was sheer luck that there was no one to witness Regulus’ break in composure. He hoped desperately that his makeup hadn’t been ruined.
Regulus was waiting on set, or rather a library in Cornell. They had Uris Library for shooting for that day and that day only. While it was only the evening, the sun had set, so the library was illuminated with soft lamp light. Regulus spent his time pursuing the books and observing in awe.
Multiple floors of books were visible from the ground. A row of tables was amid shelves of books that continued to the high ceiling—a bridge connected each level with gold railings of intricate swirls and patterns.
The red velvet carpet under Regulus’ feet softened his steps as he peered over the railing, looking to the ground floor. Regulus saw James walk in with a crimson sweater Seamus, his character, had worn in earlier scenes. Brendan, whom Regulus was dressed as, had on an emerald green sweater. Regulus stayed quiet as he watched James move along the tables.
Something deep in Regulus felt James’ presence. Regulus hadn’t seen James since his panic attack in that dirty stall. He didn’t know what to say. James now held some of Regulus’ most vulnerable pieces, and knowing James, he’d probably use them to his advantage. Just as he had gotten this role, he would probably blackmail Regulus to help him advance through the industry more. Not that he needed Regulus to do that. He was all set.
Almost like he could hear Regulus’ thoughts, James looked up at immediately spotted him. A soft smile spread onto James’ lips, and he opened them like he was about to say something, but Regulus took multiple steps back quickly to get out of James’ vision. His heart was beating too fast.
Since when did James Potter make Regulus’ heart race?
“Regulus,” James called, his voice moving.
Regulus peaked over the railing and didn’t find James, which meant he was trying to find Regulus. Without real reason, Regulus began to move toward the bridge that connected the levels of books. It wasn’t that he was trying to hide from James–Regulus knew he couldn’t do that–he was just trying to maximize the time he could spend without James. That’s what you did to people you didn’t like, and Regulus didn’t like James.
Stopping at a bookshelf, Regulus leaned his back against it, closing his eyes. He was confident he had found a place James wouldn’t stumble upon. Really, it would have been impossible to find Regulus so fast unless James had some superhuman power for finding–
“There you are,” James said, appearing from the left.
“God, you can’t sneak up on people like that,” Regulus breathed.
James put on an easy grin that differed incredibly from his other smile. What was Regulus doing noticing James Potter’s different smiles?
“I’m not sure if it classifies as sneaking up on you when I called out your name multiple times,” James argued fondly.
Regulus pushed off the bookshelf so he was at least an inch taller. He needed all the scraps he could get against James. “I didn’t hear you,” he lied through his teeth, which only made James smirk wider.
James raised his eyebrows. “Really? ‘Cause I thought you were running away from me.” The again was left unsaid.
Since when had James been able to see through him?
“I have no reason to run from you,” Regulus claimed, but at that moment, he began walking away from James. He was walking toward the now-arriving crew.
“Yet, you do it so often,” James responded, catching up with Regulus annoyingly fast.
Regulus stopped in his tracks in the middle of the bridge suspended over the tables on the library's first floor to look James dead in his eyes. “Has it occurred to you that maybe I don’t like you, and that’s why I leave?” he pointed out as harshly as he could.
“Ouch.” James touched his chest, faking an injury. “That hurt, love.”
“Leave me alone, or I’ll do it some more.” Regulus didn’t care to acknowledge the double meaning of that statement.
Regulus would either intentionally hurt James in the short run or unintentionally hurt James in the long run.
Something gleamed in James’ eyes. “Would you?” he asked like he actually enjoyed Regulus’ taunts and insults.
This flipped a switch in Regulus. He took a step toward James. “I despise you,” he snarled.
“That’s the stuff,” James sighed, and Regulus couldn’t figure out why he looked so pleased.
“I wish I never had to look at your stupidly handsome face again.” He didn’t realize the mistake until far too late.
“Handsome?” James’ usual smugness appeared, along with some Regulus wasn’t able to classify.
“I want to push you off this bridge and watch you fall,” he hissed without stopping.
Satisfaction shone in James’ gaze aggrevatingly. “Will you kiss the bruises away?”
“You boys ready?” A voice called from below them.
Regulus didn’t break eye contact. “Yeah, we’re coming,” he responded, then turned sharply and left James without answering his question.
If Regulus had chosen the worst scene to film with James, the one he was about to shoot would have been high on the list. If Regulus had chosen the worst day to film this scene, he would have chosen that day.
Regulus was on edge. He had shown James a part of himself that he kept hidden from almost everyone, and he hadn’t even wanted to. No, James had just been there. It made Regulus want to peel off his skin because the fact that James had seen him have a panic attack was something he could feel. It ran through his veins and touched his nerves.
It was just that much worse that James had watched fondly as Regulus told him he hated him. Everything that had made people run away only seemed to make James run to him. Regulus didn’t know what to do with the realization. He didn’t know what to do with the situation.
“Action,” the director's voice rang through the library.
Seamus walked toward the shelf Brendan was scanning for a book. “Hey,” he greeted, which caused Brendan to jolt, having not known he wasn’t alone.
“What are you doing here?” Brendan asked, taking in the sight of Seamus in the dim light.
Taking a step forward, Seamus laughed. “I do go to this school too.” When Brendan wasn’t satisfied with this answer, which was communicated through his expression, Seamus continued. “I need a book for a paper.”
Turning back to the shelf, Brendan continued looking for his book. “Right,” he responded. Brendan found his book a few seconds later and grabbed it off the shelf. “Well, don’t let me keep you.” Brendan began walking up the steps to the second level, where he had found a desk and put his stuff.
“It’s really no problem,” Seamus responded, taking quick strides to keep up with him.
Brendan rolled his eyes, knowing where Seamus was going. “Go find your book, Seamus. I have work to do,” he dismissed, finally reaching his desk. Brendan set the book on the wood next to his open laptop. It was open to a half-written essay, which he had to turn in later that week.
Seamus had a dangerous smirk that told Brendan he probably wouldn’t be able to finish his essay like he had wanted. “Will you help me find my book first?”
“You do realize it’s all digital now, and there’s a catalog. You don’t need my help,” Brendan pointed out dryly, taking a seat in his chair.
Reaching around Brendan, Seamus closed the laptop. “What if I want it anyway?”
“If I help you, will you leave me alone?” he asked because the library had been so quiet before.
It was late in the night, so most of it was deserted, which was what had attracted Brendan so much in the first place. Now that he thought of it, he didn’t know why Seamus was there. Narrowing his eyes, he tried to see through Seamus but found nothing.
“I might,” he said slowly.
Sighing, Brendan got up from his chair even though he knew that likely wasn’t the case. “What are you looking for?”
“Um,” Seamus dragged out the sound. “Something about cooking?”
“Cooking?” Brendan deadpanned.
Seamus nodded. “Right, cooking.”
Everything in Brendan knew it was a lie but for some reason, he went along with it. Or at least he did until they were halfway across the bridge overlooking the library.
Brendan stopped, wanting to question Seamus more. “What cooking book do you need for a paper as a finance major?” he asked, leaning against the railing, folding his arms against his chest.
Seamus stopped only a few feet away from him. “Do you want to know a secret?” he asked, too close to Brendan– not close enough.
Brendan refrained from rolling his eyes. “Sure.”
Seamus stepped forward until Brendan could smell him. Brendan could smell James. Regulus could smell James. They were standing in the same spots as when Regulus had told James he hated him. And James was taking another step forward, eyes dropping to Regulus’ lips.
“I don’t have a paper to write,” James admitted.
“How surprising,” Regulus answered, the words flowing from memory.
James was closer now. He had his hands on the railing on either side of Regulus’ hips. His gaze was flitting up and down from Regulus’ lips to his eyes again. “Do you want to know another secret?”
Regulus couldn’t stop staring at James’ mouth. He didn’t speak. He didn’t move as James shifted until he whispered in Regulus’ ear.
“Do you?”
Almost audibly, Regulus swallowed. “Yes,” he breathed, sounding too weak.
“I wanted to see you.” Regulus felt James’ hot breath with each word.
A shiver ran through Regulus that he had to suppress. “I couldn’t imagine why,” he responded in monotone.
“You couldn’t?” James questioned as he pulled his head back far enough that Regulus could make eye contact with him once more.
“No.”
“You’re such a damn liar,” he said fondly, then took a step back. And another. And more until he was walking away.
The camera followed James across the bridge. “Cut,” the director yelled, and it was what reminded Regulus he wasn’t here alone. James stopped moving and turned around, making eye contact with Regulus, who pulled his eyes away as fast as they would go. “That was perfect. Let’s do another take just in case, though.”
They did another take, but it wasn’t as good as the first one. The director told them that the first take was more authentic for some reason. It felt more real. She asked Regulus what he had done differently, but he couldn’t tell her it was because it had been real. He couldn’t tell her that he had gone out of character.
What terrified Regulus the most was that it had been real, and it had felt nothing like hating James Potter.