the crowds went wild
Sirius didn’t drink when he was getting ready for tour, and he didn’t endorse drowning your feelings in a bottle because he had done it multiple times, and it very rarely worked. Besides, it left you feeling more shitty after, so he tried not to use it as a coping mechanism. Instead, he felt the pain like bullets and wrote about it, and, while that rarely helped in the moment, it worked in the long run. James was the one who taught him healthy coping mechanisms, and he had always been adamant about not using alcohol as escapism.
However, writing a song wouldn’t help Sirius get these nerves down. James was still on a flight with his phone off, and Sirius needed something to work quickly. So he broke out a bottle of whiskey and stopped himself at one glass. Just enough to chill his nerves down, but nowhere near enough to get him drunk and cause him to ruin the opening night of his biggest tour. He wasn’t a stranger to being nervous before every show, but this was different. This was, so far, the biggest night of his career, and his nerves loved to remind him of that.
He was waiting in his dressing room, trying to calm himself down. He paced around the room for a few minutes before deciding that even though he had a few hours before he was on stage, he should start warming up. He went through his warm-up routine for his voice twice for good measure and did some stretches to warm his body up.
With only two hours to go until it was time to go on stage, Mary entered his dressing room to find him pacing. “Nervous?” she asked, using humor to get him to calm down. She only did it because she knew it worked.
“No, Mary. I’m just really concerned about the bug I stepped on,” he replied sarcastically. “Of course, I’m nervous.”
She moved toward him, grabbed his shoulders, and forced him to sit down in the chair that was in front of a large mirror. She then pulled a chair right next to him and shifted him so that Sirius was facing her. “You’ll be fine. You could go on that stage and recite a grocery list and they would go wild. They’ll love you no matter what,” she assured, taking two hair clips and pinning his hair out of his face.
Since his first tour, it had been a tradition for Mary to do his hair and makeup. Before realizing she was an amazing publicist, she had been a makeup artist part-time when she worked in a salon full-time. As a publicist, Sirius was her one and only client because he was so high profile. They had been working together since his label had hired her after his second album had come out.
“But the critics–” he began but was interrupted.
“Sweetheart, you’ve sold out every show we’ve announced. The critics will love it, and if they don’t, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Besides, you’re not supposed to be reading the reviews anyway,” she reminded, giving him a look that seemed like it belonged on a mother’s face. Not his mother’s face, but perhaps James’ mom’s.
He rolled his eyes. “Fine, I won’t,” he promised as she began to do his makeup. He wore more extravagant outfits than he did makeup. Mary always used eyeliner and even some dark eyeshadow. “Do you think James will make it in time?” he asked a while later because he knew that James would, but still needed confirmation from someone else.
Leaning away because she was done with Sirius’ makeup. “He texted me a bit ago that he landed. He’s on his way right now,” Mary informed, standing up, so she could style his hair. She pulled most of his hair away from his face, leaving some strands of his layers to frame his face, and tied it with the hair tie she had previously pulled out.
Sirius checked his phone to see that he had a little more than an hour left. Mary left so he could change into his long, flared, black pants. There were silver stars in place of some of the black sequins that otherwise covered the rest of the pants. He had a mesh, black top as a shirt. After he checked himself in the mirror once more, he stepped out of his dressing room and moved backstage until he found Marlene and Dorcas who had a fifteen minutes or so before they went on.
He found them in Marlene’s dressing room, pacing anxiously. While they had a following, they had never played a show nearly as big as the one that awaited them in the stadium. Sirius remembered his first show for more than a thousand people. He had vomited in a plant before getting on stage, forced by James, as he would have preferred not to. He was glad that James had pushed him out there. Trying to put on his bravest face for Dorcas and Marlene, Sirius tried not to think about just how much he needed James.
“You guys will be amazing,” he reassured, placing a hand on Marlene’s shoulder to stop her from continuing to pace around the room, though she didn’t face him. “I’ve seen you practice.”
“What if we fuck it up, Sirius?” Dorcas chimed in from the couch, bouncing her leg up and down.
Marlene turned to Sirius. “Yeah, what then?” she asked, panic smeared across her face much like the glitter from her eyeshadow.
Sirius shrugged, trying not to panic them further. People would be watching them, but if they messed up, it wouldn’t be front-page news. He knew that this was equally insulting as it was comforting, so he figured he probably shouldn’t say it. If he fucked up, the major news outlets would be running it on the front page in large fonts telling the world.
“Then you laugh it off, and do better next time,” he said simply. “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll sneak up to the lights control room and watch from there.”
Since Marlene and Dorcas were his openers, Sirius had a bit of time to watch them before he went on. At the top floor of the stadium, there was a room that directly faced that stage where the lights were controlled. There was a thirty-minute break in between his and Marlene and Dorcas’ set, so he would have time to go back down. Even if they said he didn’t have to, Sirius probably would go up to see them. He had been following Marlene and Dorcas’ careers since their first album, and they were friends. He wanted to support them.
“Could you? Then you could tell us how to be better,” Marlene said as Dorcas stood up to join her.
The door opened and a woman told Marlene and Dorcas that they had to be backstage in two minutes. After the door closed once more, Sirius spoke to them once more. “Get out of your heads. If you mess up choreography, they won’t know the difference. If you mess up a lyric, it’ll prove the mic is on. You’re human, they’ll love you for it.”
Dorcas nodded, then moved to the mirror to check her lipstick. She then went to Marlene and grabbed her hand. “We’ll be fine,” she said like she was trying to convince Marlene as much as she was trying to convince herself.
The same woman came back to lead them to the entrance to the stage. Sirius let them go with one last wish of good luck. He stayed behind and watched as they moved through the hallway, keeping each other close, using the other as an anchor. God, Sirius wanted James to be there already.
He got a member of the staff to lead him through the back hallways of the stadium until he reached the lightroom without being seen. The lights for his concert were being controlled from another room, so it was vacant. Sirius made it just in time to see Dorcas and Marlene walk onto the stage to cheers from all around the stadium. The woman who had brought him to the room left, and he was alone to marvel at how many people had shown up to see him sing.
Someone had told him there were more than seventy thousand people, but he had never made the number an image. Now it was a reality in front of him, and as much as he loved to perform, it did not help the nerves. Instead, he focused on the intense drum beat coming from below and how amazing Marlene’s stage presence was, even playing an electric guitar. He became so enraptured in the performance he missed all of Mary’s twenty texts telling him to come meet her backstage.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and it took him at least ten seconds to realize it was ringing. He quickly answered the call, and Mary’s infuriated voice came through. She ordered him to come backstage; he wasn’t a fool and didn’t want to lose his life, so he obliged. With one last glance at Marlene and Dorcas looking at each other at the end of their most popular song, he made his way back to his dressing room where he assumed Mary was.
Sirius was rounding the corner to the hallway where his dressing room was when there was a shout behind him. He turned around, and a few steps behind him, a familiar face stood. James Potter was always there when you needed him, and Sirius needed him more than ever. Sirius made the last few strides he needed to reach James.
It didn’t take James another second before he had Sirius entrapped in a hug. It wasn’t that Sirius was short, but rather that James was tall, so Sirius’ head was against his chest, and it felt like James was the shield that was protecting him from the rest of the world. Yes, his anxiousness came from within, but James had always been the light to scare away the demons inside Sirius. And now he was here. James would be watching him from the crowd, and Sirius would know–Sirius would feel that he was there.
There was the buzzing of a phone, and Sirius felt James shift as he pulled his phone from his pocket. Sirius listened as he answered the call, neither of them pulling away. “Hi, Mary… Yes, he’s right here... Alright, I’ll tell him. Bye.” James put the phone in his pocket again, then wrapped his arm around Sirius again. “Mary is looking for you. You go on in thirty minutes.”
Sirius pulled away begrudgingly and nervously fidgeted with strands of his hair. “I’ve been looking forward to this for months. Why don’t I want to go on?” Sirius asked, voicing the fears that he would never have mentioned to anyone else. He loved his job. He loved performing. He just didn’t know why it felt like he didn’t before every big event.
“There’s so much excitement that in some way you think it’s dangerous, Sirius. Your brain thinks something is wrong, so you’re really fucking nervous. I always was before a big game, but I promise you, the moment you get on that stage, you’ll realize you have nothing to worry about,” James reassured, a kind smile pushing down the grief Sirius knew was there at the mention of James’ late soccer career.
Nodding, Sirius allowed James’ words to wash over him. “Are you sure?”
“Sirius, I would bet my life on it. Now, let’s go, otherwise, Mary will kill us,” he laughed.
“She would enjoy it.”
They began to walk to the rooms below the stage where Sirius would get onto the part of the stage that would lift him at the beginning of the concert. As they moved, Sirius did some minor warm-ups just to make sure he was properly ready. Once they got to the room Mary had instructed them to go to, Sirius was met with an onslaught of people. Someone to give him his earpiece, another to connect it to the system, a cup of water in his face, it was all very overwhelming.
Regrettably, James was pushed to the back, and impressively, Mary managed to push her way to the front. Within ten minutes, everyone had backed off, and Sirius was sitting in a chair with Mary in front of him, making last-minute changes to his hair and makeup. She was using a brush to dust some type of product onto his face as he adjusted his earpiece to make sure it was in right. After she was done, he had about five minutes before the concert started.
Sirius took a few gulps of water to make sure his throat wasn’t dry and looked in a nearby mirror to confirm he didn’t have some random streak of green on his face. The intro video to the tour was already playing, and he could hear the audio and cheers. He twirled the silver rings on his fingers that he never took off as Mary placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Just remember to breathe. I’ll be in the tent with James. Find a face in the crowd and sing to them. I’m sure whoever it is will be overjoyed,” Mary comforted, then with a reassuring squeeze walked out of the room likely to go to the VIP tent where James already was.
With his microphone in hand, Sirius climbed onto the lowered stage behind black curtains. When he looked up, he saw the stadium of people waiting for him. It was dark, but the lights from the bright screens illuminated everyone, even the people at the very top. While his earpieces did a good job of blocking most of the noise, Sirius could feel the heavy bass through the stage.
His backup dancers huddled around the opening in the stage as the bass softened, and Sirius met his cue to start singing, still under the stage. On beat, he whispered the beginning of the song as the crowd went wild at his voice, but also at not being able to see him yet.
“Meet me there, where it never closes. Meet me there, where it’s never hopeless. All is fair in love… Honey, are you coming?”
The stage abruptly rose at the sudden sound of every guitar, drum, and bass guitar joining in. Sirius’ backup dancers dispersed, leaving him to be revealed. He could hardly hear the cheers and the heavy rock music through his in-ear monitors. There was a pause of only instruments as he moved down the stage until he was in the middle of the large star the stage was shaped as. He was allowed a few seconds to absolutely marvel at how many people were in the crowd. Sirius went to the left side, locking eyes with a fan.
“I know a place downtown, babe if you wanna go.”
He got a chill in the way the girl looked at him. James had been right, once he got on stage, all of the fears faded away. Sirius moved to the end of one of the spikes.
“Gonna love you harder than ever before. You will li-i-i-i-ike it.”
Pointing to a young woman as he sang, Sirius couldn’t help but widely smile at how she knew every lyric. Sirius ran to the middle of the stage. There was a pause of pure instrumental music once more where he and his backup dancers danced the choreography that they’d practiced for months.
“It’s five A.M. We feel so good, it’s almost frightening.”
Sirius went to the end of the stage which was a small rectangle, branched off from the middle, star shape. He fell to his knees, finding a teenage boy to make intense eye contact with.
“It’s five A.M. I’m made for you, we can’t deny it.”
Slowly, Sirius walked down the pathway back to the middle of the star, toward one of his backup dancers, both of them now in character.
“Before I found this place, I was feeling so blue, but then it turned me out. Let it do it to you.”
He reached his backup dancer, Sarah, whom he had worked with for many years. They had worked three tours together. Sirius ran a hand down her face, as had been practiced.
“It’s not a one-night stand if it turns into two.”
As suddenly as he had touched her, Sirius turned away from her and faced the crowd once more.
“Oh, I li-i-i-i-ike it. Yeah.”
He ended the song with a high note that took him to the end of his notoriously extensive range, which was not in the recorded song, but neither were the instrumental breaks.
Breathing hard, Sirius walked to the middle of the star where there was already a mic stand and a crew member with a guitar waiting for him. He graciously took the guitar and pulled the strap over his head as the piece of the stage he was on slowly rose until he was above his backup dancers’ heads. He pulled the microphone out of the stand and held it close to his mouth.
“Welcome to The Star’s Journey Home tour,” he exclaimed, a large smile on his face.
The crowd went wild, and he could see people even in the back of the floor section jumping up and down. There were as many phones as faces, and he took pride in how every time he made eye contact with someone, they began to freak out.
“We’re so glad you could join us on opening night.” He paused for the screams. “Well, we hope you enjoy the show. Houston, are you ready?”
After thirty seconds of cheers from the loudest crowd of his career, he placed the microphone back into the stand and began strumming his guitar. While he loved the shows toward the end of a tour because he could let loose, there was just something so special about opening night. No one knew what to expect and every song was a surprise.
There was dead silence as he strummed his guitar for a few seconds before he leaned into the microphone. “That wasn’t funny, but she laughed so hard she almost cried.”
That night, as he tried to remember the rest of the show, he found that it was all a blurry memory. He was so in his mind about not messing up after the first acoustic song that he forgot to have fun. But now that the opening night was over, he could have more fun with it. There was less pressure, and he could focus on the smaller moments rather than the overall picture of the tour.
He scrolled through his mentions on his various social media platforms. He went through every photo posted about every outfit and even watched some videos of him performing, not just because he looked amazing but because he wanted to improve.
Sirius had gotten to his hotel room around three in the morning that night because he had celebrated the closing of opening night with his crew. Then he went to James’ room for a bit and forced James to tell him about how his movie was going.
As brilliant as it had been, the day had been exhausting. But now he knew that he wouldn’t die on that stage, and he loved singing with seventy thousand people. He reached across his bed to turn off the lamp and left his phone on the table, charging.
This tour was already the best thing that had happened to his career, and he got to do it all over again tomorrow, then the day after that, then the week after that. As draining as it was, Sirius wouldn’t give it up for the world, and he had a feeling this tour would change his life, though that had been predicted by everyone.