i get drunk on jealousy
Peter’s flight had been delayed because that was just his luck. Of course, on the biggest night of his best friend’s life, so far at least, Peter’s plane had decided to have an engine fail, or whatever it was, and make him miss the opening to Sirius’ first show of his new tour. While he wasn’t a particularly confrontational person, he felt the urge to scream at everyone involved. On the flight, he realized how idiotic that would have been, so he kept his mouth shut and panicked about being late in silence.
Once his flight had landed, Peter raced through the airport, bribed his taxi driver to get him to the venue as fast as possible, and was questioned by a security guard for far too long about his ticket. It had scanned perfectly fine, and Peter knew it was authentic. For God’s sake, Sirius himself had sent it to him. He had half a mind to tell the security guard that he had produced and co-written the song Sirius was playing right now, which could be heard from even outside the stadium. Albeit begrudgingly, the guard let Peter through because he really didn’t have a reason not to.
Which was how Peter ended up sprinting through a stadium and multiple sets of stairs to end up on the floor section of the concert. This was where he caught his breath because he could finally see Sirius on the screens and slightly on the stage. However, Peter was too far away to make out any real details. Only taking his eyes off Sirius for a few seconds, Peter ordered himself a bottle of water, which was so overpriced. He would have to complain to Sirius about it, though Peter doubted it was really his fault.
Half full bottle in hand, Peter made his way through the rows of people screaming rather than singing along, as it was a rock song from one of Sirius’ older rock albums. He eventually found his way to the VIP tent, where James and Mary already were. The security guard in front of the opening to the tent nodded at him once. Finally, someone who actually believed Peter was supposed to be there.
Peter set his water on the table and grabbed his earplugs. Once he put them in, the loud noise of the instruments and the people screaming dulled until he could hear Sirius’ voice better than ever. He approached Mary and James, who both turned to him. Throughout the years, Mary and Peter had met on multiple occasions and got along well. While Peter wouldn’t call her as his one phone call in jail, he liked speaking with her more than the average person.
“Where were you?” James yelled over the noise, leaning toward Peter to hear better.
“Flight was delayed,” Peter responded, glancing back at the stage where Sirius was on his knees, playing his guitar as every light was red.
He remembered writing his specific guitar solo with Sirius in the studio on the first-ever album they had officially worked together on. It had only been their second song to write together, and it was the one where they found their grove with making music. Everything they had ever created together had stemmed from that moment. Perhaps the first official domino in a line of millions that would lead to their ultimate success–to how Sirius was on his most successful tour yet and to how there was a girl in the row in front of Peter filming him. He smiled and waved back enthusiastically.
There was an unexplainable surge of pride that rose through Peter every couple of seconds when he looked at Sirius absolutely killing it on stage, listened to the music that so many people loved that they had created, and saw as people screamed when Sirius made eye contact with them and jumped to the beat. Peter recalled many moments when he felt proud that Sirius had made it. This was one of them. Watching as so many people knew every word to every song and fawned over his vocals. He hated that voice in the back of his head that told him it could have been him had he had the courage to create his own album.
But he was doing it, partially, at least. He had most of the lyrics written for the songs and had started producing a few of them. He had yet to meet with most of the artists he would work with, which would be done throughout the coming months. He still had to finish the songs with Sirius on them, but as could be seen on stage, Sirius was currently incredibly busy.
The show lasted for about two and a half hours, and by the end, Peter’s cheeks hurt too much from smiling so damn wide, his throat was dry from his singing, and his legs hurt from all of the standing. James had to sit down a couple of times because his injury started acting up, but he seemed to have enjoyed the concert immensely all the same.
Mary, James, and Peter left the tent to go backstage during the last five minutes when Sirius was thanking the crowd and shining the spotlight on his band, backup dancers, and crew members who made it all possible. Peter had been to many of Sirius’ tours as a personal friend, so he had seen many backstages of many concerts but never one at a stadium. These halls of cement stretched on for what seemed like miles, and Peter’s feet already hurt, but he barely thought about it because he wanted to see Sirius and congratulate him.
At some point, Mary pulled out her phone, read a text, and turned to James and Peter. “Sirius is in his dressing room waiting for us. The crew is going out to a nearby bar to celebrate the opening night, and we’re invited. You guys in?”
“Sirius is coming?” Peter asked to confirm because if Sirius wasn’t, then he saw no reason for him to go. He didn’t love big social situations with people he didn’t know. He’d go to support Sirius, but if he wouldn’t be there, then Peter had no obligation to.
James responded as Mary nodded her head in answer to Peter’s question. “Yeah, I’ll come. I don’t have anywhere to be until my flight Sunday.”
Both of them turned to Peter, who had decided to come solely so he could be there for Sirius. “I can be there for a bit, at least. I still have some work to do.” Just because Peter was in Houston didn’t mean that he would pause his writing and producing.
Still walking, leading James and Peter to Sirius’ dressing room, Mary typed what Peter assumed were their answers into her phone. A few minutes later, they made it to a door with a sign that told him they were in the right place. Mary knocked on the door only once before it swung open, her fist still in the air. In the space where the door used to be was Sirius, with a quarter-filled bottle of Dr. Pepper in hand.
Sweat glued short strands of his hair to his forehead, and he was still out of breath, but Sirius looked happier than ever. He immediately hugged Mary, who was closest to him, and to her credit, she didn’t mention how sweaty he was. Mary typically hated getting dirty and anything messing up her cared after curls, but she just let it happen and hugged him back.
After a few moments, Mary pushed Sirius into his dressing room and closed the door behind them as Sirius hugged James, who patted his back and whispered something Peter couldn’t hear. Last but not least (he hoped), Sirius moved to Peter, who hugged him just as enthusiastically as the other two had. Peter could feel Sirius’ still racing heart through his chest, which made him smile that much wider.
“You did great, Sirius,” he said honestly as they pulled away.
Sirius fell onto the couch and took another swig of his Dr. Pepper. “God, that was exhilarating,” he breathed.
“How’s it feel? The first night of the biggest tour in history?” James asked as he sat next to Sirius, having that patented James Potter smile blazing at each of them.
Head falling back to meet the wall, Sirius thought about James’ question, a soft smile remaining. “It feels like I’m doing what I’m meant to do, you know? Like this is my purpose. This is what I’m meant to do with my life,” Sirius said in a way that made Peter think of the way he felt when he was writing and producing.
He wondered if he would feel the sense of belonging and purpose to the extent that Sirius clearly was. Perhaps it would be when he released his first album. He so desperately wanted to go on his own tour and have people screaming the lyrics he wrote alone, even if it was in the dark of whatever hotel room he was in.
Peter’s never-straying people reading skills saw how James almost invisibly dimmed at Sirius’ words. Peter wasn’t sure if he could see it because he had learned to read people at a very young age or because he just knew James that way. Peter knew that James was thinking about soccer and how he felt like his purpose was to be on the field because he knew James that well. He also knew that James would clamp down that feeling as fast as it had come and cheer on his best friend.
“It’s like I was born to do this,” Sirius continued, with no doubts about critics or opinions in a way Peter rarely saw.
Not long after, Sirius, Peter, Mary, James, and the crew for the tour were at a bar called Lilly & Bloom, which they had bought out, so they were only there. Peter texted Lily about it and asked if she had opened a bar without telling him. Regretfully, Lily informed Peter she had never been to Texas. While Peter was at this bar for Sirius, he hadn’t actually had a chance to talk to Sirius since they arrived. He was always wrapped up in conversation with James and at least a few other people, but every time Peter looked back, it was always different people.
Twirling the straw of his soda absentmindedly, he had decided not to drink that night; Peter sat at the bar alone. He was perfectly content with this, but when Mary asked if she could sit next to him, he didn’t refuse. As she ordered another drink, Peter snuck another glance at Sirius and James, who were laughing at something one of Sirius’ backup dancers had said.
“Does it ever bother you?” Mary asked, taking a sip of her fruity drink that disguised a suspicious amount of alcohol, which Peter had learned from experience.
“Does what bother me?” he asked, confused about what Mary was talking about.
She gave him a knowing look, then glanced over her shoulder at where James and Sirius were. “Their friendship,” Mary said simply.
Peter laughed, equally bewildered at her accusation and nervous because of it. “Why would their friendship bother me?”
“Well, they’re just so close. It’s always James and Sirius, you know? They’re your best friends. It must get tiring hearing it all the time,” she spoke slower than normal, and Peter wondered just how many drinks Mary had already drank.
“I’m not jealous of them if that’s what you’re implying.” He wasn’t lying fully. Peter wasn’t jealous because James and Sirius clearly loved each other more than him. He knew that they both loved, too. He was just envious of the bond they had with each other. How they were that close to someone. James and Sirius had once been one soul, and when they met, it was reunited. It was beautiful, and while Peter wished he had that with someone, he also knew that it wasn’t personal to him that he didn’t have that with either of them.
“Yeah, but if they were my best friends–”
“Mary,” Peter interrupted, and she looked at him innocently. “The amount of love they have for one another does not take away from the love they have for me. I’m still incredibly important to both of them, even if they have someone more important.”
She tilted her head to the side like she didn’t quite believe him. “I don’t know, Peter. That sounds like something that would bother someone.”
“Well, it doesn’t bother me,” he snapped but seemed to have lost her attention as Mary was hopping out of her seat, drink in hand.
“Marlene,” she shrieked happily, leaving Peter to come to terms with the fact that he might have been a bit bothered.
Instead of doing the mature thing and going through his feelings, he followed Mary with his eyes to where she was walking toward the light blue velvet couch on which Marlene sat. Mary clumsily sat down beside her, close enough that their knees touched. Marlene had an easy smile as she took the drink in Mary’s hand and placed it on a nearby table. As she was leaning back, Mary took hold of Marlene’s face and tugged it closer as if she was trying to get a good look at it. She then started toying with Marlene’s hair, getting a feel of the texture.
When Mary drank, she got overly friendly and a little too into her background of doing hair and makeup. Because Peter knew Mary, he knew that she meant nothing by this and was simply thinking of the best way to do Marlene’s hair and makeup, which she would undoubtedly ask to do by the end of the night. However, to someone who didn’t know Mary as well as he did, it would have looked like she was flirting.
Deciding that he had had enough for one night, Peter grabbed his jacket from where it was draped across his chair and looked back to James and Sirius. They were yet again invoked in conversation with someone whose name he did not know. He decided not to bother them and began walking toward the door.
Standing in the corner near the bathrooms darkly was Dorcas. She had her arms folded against her chest tightly and was staring across the bar. Peter followed her gaze to the couch where Marlene was, Mary’s hands still in her hair. Peter looked back at Dorcas and saw something hard in her gaze. He couldn’t tell if it was anger or jealousy. Then again, it could have been both.
Still, he was tired, and it really wasn’t any of his business, so without another word, he walked out of the bar into the cool air. Pulling his jacket on, he chose to walk to his hotel, which really wasn’t that far. Peter pulled out his phone and checked the time. It wasn’t too late at night, so he decided to call Lily, who answered on the second ring like the saint she was.