Chapter 1
Remus is leaning in? Why is he leaning in? I take a step back and stare at him.
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Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
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Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
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Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur,
Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur, Toujurs pur.
He looks hurt. So so hurt. Why do I have to be this way? If he was a girl I could kiss him, I could look him in the eye, I could hold his hand but I can’t. Its so sickening, It’s so wrong. He starts walking to the stairs and gestures for me to come with him. Once we are in the privacy of our dorm he turns to me
“What was that then?” He asks, his jaw clenched
“Moony I-”
“You’re so embarrassed of me you can’t even kiss me in public? Is that it?”
“Remus I didn’t say that. It’s just… I’m not like you…”
“What the fuck does that mean!?”
“I-” I can’t find a single word to explain myself to him. My mind is blank.
“We’ve been together for 5 fucking months, Sirius! 5 months and I can’t even tap you around other people without you pulling away! I’m your boyfriend, act like it!”
“I can’t! I just can’t, okay!? I can’t do it!
“Why not!”
“Because it’s disgusting!” I feel ill at my words. As soon as they exited my mouth I wanted to take them back. Remus is deadly quiet, he doesn’t look angry he looks devastated.
“I’m disgusting to you?” He speaks so quietly.
“I didn’t mean that…”
“Why did you say it then? If you find it so disgusting why are you with me, Sirius? Answer me that.”
“I don’t find it disgusting I just… I just don’t think it’s normal…”
“You know, I’ve spent so long with nothing about me perceived as normal. I thought this was the only thing that was but obviously you don’t think so. I can’t be with you, Sirius. You’re bad for me.”
He leaves the room and I want to chase after him, tell him I don’t care if it’s normal or not but I do care. I care so fucking much and that’s the problem.