The Fallen Star

Regulus has an odd love-hate relationship with stars. He hates that his whole bloodline is named by them. He doesn't want to be reminded of his ‘perfect family’ every time he looks at such a beautiful sight. Right up above his eyesight he can see Sirius shining as bright as ever. He frowns. Even in his comfort place his brother taunts him, overshadowing him. 

As Regulus sits on the sides of the railings, overlooking the view, he hears close footsteps approaching him. His ears perch and he stops breathing, listening intently. 

He listens to the way the individual makes their steps, how they place their heel on the floor, how they shuffle their feet, their pants ruffling when they make each step. And then he hears the drop of weird material. Silk maybe? After observing for about five seconds, Regulus rolls his eyes as he comes to the realization that the person approaching him is most obviously James Potter with his obnoxious steps and heavy footing. 

“Great” he mutters to himself. Regulus knows that it’s too late to hide now. 

“Reggie!” James half whispers. Regulus is now regretting not hiding. He doesn't reply. 

“What ya doing?” James asks, grinning widely. 

“Talking to the Greek gods. What does it look like I’m doing, Potter?” Regulus remarks sarcastically. James laughs at this and Regulus couldn’t be more confused. 

“You’re funny.” James says, sitting down beside Regulus next to the railings and looks up at the stars. Regulus can’t help but stare. The light illuminating his features makes it very difficult to pry his eyes away. He clears his throat. 

“Why are you here in the middle of the night Potter?” Regulus tries to avoid his own thoughts. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” James smirks. Regulus frowns and looks away. 

“You can be really annoying, you know that?” Regulus snaps. But James only chuckles.

“I know” he answers back. “I brought you something,” he says. Then he rummages in his pockets and takes out the one thing Regulus was not expecting. A pack of cigarettes. He hands them over to Regulus and waits. Regulus hesitates. 

“Why?” he asks, still not taking the pack from James’ hands. 

“Why not?” James asks. 

“Why would you want to willingly get me something? What do you get out of it?” Regulus asks, suspicion evident in his tone. 

“Not everything has to be a negotiation you know” James tilts his head. Regulus just stares. 

“What do you want from me Potter?” he demands. 

“Ok if you’re going to be like that. I want your friendship.” James replies. Regulus blinks several times. He looks him in the eyes in the dark night, trying to search for some kind of a trick. 

“You want my friendship?” Regulus asks with raised eyebrows. 

“Is that so hard to believe?” James asks.

“Yes, it truly is,” Regulus nods. “Why?” Regulus asks after a slight pause. James squints and seems to think about it. 

“Because I’m tired of … this.” James motions back and forth between them with his hand. 

“This? And what is this if I may ask” Regulus crosses his arms and leans back. 

“I don't know. It’s like ever since Sirius… you’re so distant." James stops and winces, realizing that he overstepped a line. Regulus glares. 

“Let me get something straight with you. We were never and will never be friends, Potter.” he asserts and starts to stand up. 

“No wait-'' James panics, placing his hand on Regulus’ arm. Regulus feels a deep chill run through him. He hates physical touch, but oddly enough this feeling is different. It’s not good but it doesn't feel bad either. Not like when Barty tries to hug him or Pandora tries to hold his hand. It’s different in a way, but he still pulls his hand away, not wanting to show weakness. 

“Don’t touch me” he hisses. 

“I’m sorry, it’s just you always run away.” James looks up at him with a solemn look. Regulus almost feels… bad. Almost.  

“It’s impossible not to run away from your idiocy,” he answers. Surprisingly James laughs again. 

“Please just don’t leave. I promise I won't say a word.” James pleads. Regulus stands there, not sure what to do, but decides that he still wants to watch the stars. So he sits back in his position, dangling his feet off the edge. They both stare upwards at the twinkling stars above them. 

“You know the stars are really pretty.” James comments. Regulus rolls his eyes. 

“I thought you said you weren't going to say a wor-” he pauses mid sentence when he turns to look at James. James who is staring at Regulus instead of the sky. 

“What are you doing?” Regulus asks. 

“Observing.” James smiles.

“Observing what exactly?” Regulus asks again. 

“The star in front of me.” James replies. Regulus’ cheeks feel hot as his eyes dart from one place to the other. “It’s because of your name” James smirks with a smug look on his face. 

“How’d you know my name is a star?” is all Regulus can ask.

“I may be stupid but not that stupid. Besides, Sirius tells me things.” Regulus goes quiet. He hates it when people bring up his brother in a conversation. James seems to notice and steers the topic away. 

“I think your name is beautiful,” he says. Regulus was honestly going to lose it. He’s pretty sure that his blush went up to his ears by now. He was so grateful that the dark sky was hiding his evidently red face. 

“Sirius shines brighter.” Regulus comments with a scoff. 

“What?” James asks. His facial features are so readable, even in the dark, that Regulus rolls his eyes again. He points up at the brightest star and James leans in closer to see where he’s pointing at. 

“That one right there, that’s Sirius. I am very hard to find.” 

James looks up and back at Regulus again. Then he smiles, and looks into Regulus’ eyes. 

“I think that the most beautiful stars can only be seen in the deep depths of the darkness. Even if it is overshadowed. If you look closely enough, you’ll find the one you’re looking for.” 

Regulus' heart skips a beat and he can only stare. He examines the boy, trying to find out why he was being so nice to Regulus. Was it some kind of sick joke? A trick played by Sirius and his friends? Was this a way of revenge? Or was it truly genuine. If so, why? While all these thoughts run through his mind James hands the cigarettes at him again. 

“You sure you don't want it?” he asks. Regulus looks over to his hand holding the cigarettes. He slowly takes the pack from James’ hand, lingering on the touch. His hand fits in James’ like a glove. Regulus swears he feels James brush his fingers on his palm as Regulus feels tingly all over his body, but then they part away and it quickly dies down. 

“If this is some kind of trick, I swear my face will be the last thing you see before you die.” Regulus threatens. 

“That wouldn't be so bad.” James smirks. Regulus glares at him and James barks out a laugh. 

“Ok, ok. I promise, it’s not a trick.” he surrenders with his arms in the air. Regulus takes out a cig and just as fast realizes that he doesn't have a lighter. James acts quickly and takes out a lighter from his pocket. Before Regulus can act, James comes up close to his face and lights the cigarette cupping Regulus’ hand between his to block the wind out. He flicks the flint multiple times until it catches on fire and the cigarette is lit. Regulus stares at the boy in front of him, concentrating hard. James looks up and they make eye contact. Then James smiles and Regulus feels like putty. Once again, they are so close they can practically breathe each other’s air and bloody hell James’ cologne is making Regulus feel dizzy. He wishes it was in a bad way. 

Regulus glances at the crooked glasses that lie on James’ nose and itches at the urge to fix them for him. He controls himself. James’ eyes make a full triangle motion, from Regulus’ eyes to his… lips. That’s when Regulus decides to back up. 

“You know nothing about personal space.” Regulus comments. James, taken aback, chuckles and backs up too. 

“Sorry,” he says looking up at the stars again. “I didn’t mean to.”

Regulus inhales the harsh smoke and puffs it out. 

“When did you start?” James asks, looking at the cigarette in his hands. 

Regulus stares off into the distance, lost in thought. It was the day when Sirius decided to leave the house to live with the Potters. The day when Sirius finally stood up to his own mother by taking out his wand, facing it back at hers. The day when Orion Black ripped away the once clean conscience and lungs of Regulus Black by showing him how to pipe the worries away. Fatherly bonding he had called it. Regulus didn't know what to think anymore. When he heard the slam of the front door he knew that his only hope in the household had left him and he knew what was awaiting him. His father also knew and nodded at him to go up into his room. And so Regulus waited inside of his dingy, dusty room until his mother found him and locked the door behind her. 

“Reg?” James taps Regulus’ shoulder. Regulus flinches away. “Sorry, you just kind of froze.” he tilts his head to the side. 

“Fourteen.” Regulus answers. 

“What?” James asks. 

“You asked when I started. I was fourteen. Two days before my birthday.” he answers. He wonders if James remembers the day that he stole his brother from him. The day that Sirius chose him over Regulus. He doesn't even finish the cigarette before he puts it out and stands up from his place, starting to head towards the stairs. James acts upon the motion quickly and runs after him. 

“Where are we going?” he jumps near him, stuffing what looks to be like a very thin and light cloth into his robes. Regulus holds back a roll of his eyes. 

“I’m going back to my dorm. You can go wherever you want.” Regulus answers. 

“Oh come on. We’re friends now. We could walk together.” James offers. Regulus stops in his tracks and turns towards James. He points at his chest and starts speaking. 

“Let me repeat myself since you’re so hard of hearing. We are not friends and never will be friends. Leave me alone, you’ve been pretty good at it for the last five years so I’m sure it won't be a problem now.” he turns back on his heels and heads down the stairs. James still follows behind him. 

“I told you to leave me alone.” Regulus mutters. 

“Reg, I have to go with you if I want to go back to my dorm too.” James laughs. This time Regulus actually rolls his eyes. 

“Stop calling me that.” Regulus orders. 

“What? Reg? Ok then how about Reggie.” James asks. 

“I will jinx you, don’t test me.” he threatens. 

“How about my star?” James taunts. Regulus takes a sharp turn, taking his wand out in the process, and proceeds to throw a jinx at James. James winces and yelps. 

“Ouch, what was that for?” James half laughs. 

“I told you. I don’t bluff.”

“Jeez, what kind of a friend jinxes you?” 

“Not friends.” Regulus reminds him. 

“You keep saying that, but you’re still talking to me.” Regulus can practically hear James smiling. So he does not answer this time. 

“Reg?” James tries. “Reggie? Regulus? Oh come on, I’m sorry, please say something.” Regulus stays quiet. “This walk is going to get really boring.” he doesn't say a word and just keeps walking. James sighs and their walk back to their dorms goes in complete silence. Once they arrive at the point of their separate ways Regulus doesn't even stop and heads down towards the dungeons. 

“I liked our talk Reg. We should do it again sometime! Good night!” he calls out and the last thing that Regulus hears is the portrait closing behind James. 

Once Regulus arrives into his common room he quickly scurries into his dorm room and slams the door behind him. He finds Barty and Evan sleeping in the same bed as Barty grunts a ‘fuck off’ at Regulus and goes back to sleep, absentmindedly spooning Evan from the back. Regulus changes out of his robes and slumps into his bed, frustration coursing through his mind. His sole mission for tomorrow would be ignoring James at all times. He sound proofs his bed with a flick of his wand to block out the snores of Barty and closes his eyes, trying to force his mind into a deep slumber. 

James can feel the rush of adrenaline as he sits impatiently in the great hall, looking at his breakfast. He had lost his appetite the moment he woke up this morning from the stress that twists his gut every second. 

“It's your first training this semester, you have to eat before you go out there.” Remus prods James. 

“Remus if I so much as near a spoon to my mouth I will barf on the ground. I quite literally cannot eat.” he starts chewing on his nails. 

“Mate, why are you so stressed? I thought you liked quidditch training.” Sirius asks with a spoonful of pudding in his mouth. 

“That’s just it! It’s the excitement and the adrenaline all cooped up inside me.” James tries to wrap his hands around to show the image. “I feel like I’m on top of the world right now.” he slams the table, making the gryffindor table flinch and turn towards them. 

“That’s great buddy, but it is 7 am in the morning so if you could just take it down a notch that would be great.” Peter gives a fake smile, his droopy eyes giving him a ghostly look.

“You still have to eat twerp.” Remus slams his hand on James’ head and James gives out an ‘ouch’, rubbing his head. 

“Ok fine, just pass me the pudding will you?” James motions at the bowl of pudding across from him and Sirius offers it to James.

“You could eat literally anything you want, but you choose pudding?” Peter gives a frown of disgust and shakes his head. 

“For the first time in years they actually arrived on time. Let them enjoy their pudding.” Remus shakes his head with the smallest hint of a smile. 

James takes the bowl in his hand and places the spoon inside. As he scoops up the pudding and warily nears the spoon to his mouth he notices Regulus approaching with Dorcas, Barty and Evan, all wrapped up in conversation. Before he can think straight, he does the most unexpected thing ever. He raises his hand and starts waving at Regulus with a big smile plastered on his face. Regulus notices and furrows his eyebrows, looking around him to see if the wave is actually being forwarded at him. He looks back at James and shakes his head as if to say ‘what the hell?’. James shrugs, still smiling and keeps on waving. Dorcas, Evan and Barty all look very amused by this and can’t seem to hide their smirks and giggles. Regulus shoves his elbow into Barty as he goes wheezing and gives deadly glares at Evan and Dorcas who go silent in seconds, still trying their best to hide a few chuckles. Then Regulus looks back at James and rolls his eyes so deep into his sockets, James would've sworn he was having a stroke. After that, Regulus strides to the slytherin table and sits down, back faced towards James. James frowns a bit but he doesn't let it get to him. 

As he turns back to his own table he is met by multiple stares directed right at him. 

“What?” James asks. 

“What do you mean ‘what’. Since when do you just casually wave at my brother?” Sirius asks. 

“Is it a crime?” James asks back. 

“Jamie, he practically hates us.” Sirius notes, now completely focused on James. 

“With good reason.” James mutters to himself. He hates fighting about Regulus with Sirius. If only they could just talk about their issues, and come to a common ground. 

“Sorry?” Sirius retorts, his voice now angry. 

“Nothing, just forget it.” James tries. Sirius clenches his jaw and looks James straight in the eyes. 

“No mate, if you’ve got something to say to me then fucking say it.” Remus tries to calm Sirius down but he just shoves his arms away. James thinks for a second and looks deeply into his best friend's eyes. Then he shakes his head. 

“I’m going to go practice now.” James starts standing up. 

“Yeah, you go do that!” Sirius shouts behind him, making everyone's heads turn back at the two of them. James turns back at Sirius looking him in the eyes. He tries to muster up words on how to apologize for intruding in his relations but also tell him that he should man up and take action into his own hands. Sirius looks right back at him, his lips pursed and his eyes slightly squinted, as if he was waiting for James to do something. This saddens James but he just turns back and walks away. He notices Regulus turned towards him now, observing. They make slight eye contact before Regulus breaks it and James takes it as a sign to leave for practice.

***

He can feel the sweat rolling down his back as he walks back to the changing room after a rough first practice. He congratulates some of his teammates with the good work, earning high fives and fist bumps and the occasional embraces of hugs. The second he steps in the changing rooms he takes off his shirt and throws it across the benches. He strips himself off his clothes and moves towards the showers. The cold water hitting his skin gives the feeling of a cooling sensation, making him want to stay there for hours. James leans his hands on the wall and watches the water being slowly drained. He can’t stop thinking back to the small argument he had with Sirius. He knew it would be resolved one way or another, it wasn’t a big deal, but when the topic came back to Regulus it was always a problem. James knows it was unfair of him to overstep a line between Sirius and Regulus and he truly was sorry but he couldn’t help himself. It’s like the more he affiliates himself with Regulus the more he can feel himself being dragged into the spiral, not being able to find a way out. He closes his eyes shut and lets the water hit his sweaty skin. 

After a long moment of blissful silence and cold water he hears the door of the lockers open. James frowns. There shouldn't be anyone here at this time. Everyone in his team left for their break and it is far too early for the next round of practice of the other team. James turns the screw of the shower off and takes a towel to wrap around his waist. He enters the changing rooms to check who the mystery person is, only to be met by black curly hair. James freezes as he stares at Regulus Black, his shirt laying on the ground, revealing his bare skin. James can’t help but stare at his body. He has to stop his eyes short before going any lower. He looks back up again only to be met by Regulus' eyes on him. Regulus who was also staring at James and his body. That’s when James realizes that he is basically half naked with only a towel around his waist. James almost feels embarrassed until he sees Regulus swallow, his eyes trailing down his abdominal v-line. James feels intoxicated by that one motion but stops himself from wondering any further on what that meant. He was probably exaggerating the reaction in his mind. 

They look into each other's eyes for a few seconds before Regulus looks away and starts getting dressed into his own slytherin quidditch wear. James feels entranced, looking at the way his waist moves, the way his arms slide through the sleeves, the way his hair flows down again once it flops through the shirt hole. He admires Regulus’ body, knowing this would probably be the first and last time he would see it. Then he comes back to his senses and looks away, starting to get dressed into his own clothes. He’s careful the way he dresses, not wanting to make Regulus uncomfortable. Usually he wouldn’t mind with his teammates but with Regulus it felt way too intimate in a way. Once he puts his hoodie on he looks back only to be met by the ghost of where Regulus was sitting just a few minutes ago. 

“Where the hell did he go?” he asks no one in particular. James didn’t even hear him walk away. He goes out the door and does a full owl move, looking around to see where he might’ve gone, to no avail. He makes his way out to the field and roams around the premises. He looks around but is met by an empty quidditch field. Then he hears a familiar whoosh sound and looks up as he sees Regulus whizzing down on his broom, going as fast as a bolt of lightning. 'The seeker of the year', some called him. And they were absolutely right. James watches as Regulus drops down behind the walls and swirls around a narrow space, just making it through. He then forces his broom upwards, the end grazing the ground slightly, and swoops upwards again. And then Regulus makes the most wonderful sound that James has ever heard in his life. He laughs and cheers, a beautiful smile showing on his face. James relishes in the image, playing it over his head again and again, feeding it into his mind. James himself can’t help but smile and starts cheering as well. That’s when Regulus short circuits and comes to a stop in mid air. He looks down and looks away. James quiets down and regrets his decision. He would give anything to see Regulus shine so brightly again, almost as bright as a shooting star. 

Regulus suddenly disappears out of sight and James starts panicking. He runs to the other side of the podium and tries to look around. Thankfully he hears a set of footsteps and trudges towards it. Finally he is met by black, flowy curly hair, now wet and sticking on Regulus’ neck. 

“Reggie!” James calls out. Regulus doesn't stop and starts speed walking towards the lockers. James follows him and stops once he's inside. Regulus once again is nowhere to be seen. James takes a step forward only to be met by a pair of hands that pull him back in a lock and a wand pointed right at his neck. James gasps as he stands in an awkward position, leaning backwards against his perpetrator. He looks back and realizes that it’s Regulus who is holding him down. 

“Are you stalking me now?” Regulus demands more than asks. 

“What? No I just -” before he can finish his sentence Regulus digs the wand deeper into his neck and James gasps for air. 

“Don’t lie to me Potter. You’ve been following me all day. First it started with the waving, then the lockers, then the field and now you’re here. What do you want from me?” he demands again.

“Nothing I swear!” James half wheezes. Regulus digs the wand even more and James swears he starts to see stars. 

“I’m not going to ask you again Potter, what are you doing here?” He emphasizes the last few words.

“You looked amazing out there. I- I couldn't take my eyes off of you.” James starts to ramble. Regulus lowers the pressure of his wand and James breathes in air, swallowing down saliva that started to build up in his mouth. Then Regulus shoves James away, and makes him stumble, almost falling face first on the ground. James regains his balance and turns towards Regulus. Regulus looks at him quizzically as if trying to read him. James can only smile at him. He looks so good with wet hair it’s almost infuriating. His wavy hair sticks on his upper eyebrow and swings every time he moves his head. All he wants to do is move the hair strand away from his face, to feel his hair in his hands. James really has to stop his train of thought sometimes. He was getting more and more confused with his thinking. 

“Leave me alone Potter.” Regulus breaks the silence. Before James can stop himself he hears himself speak the words. 

“Maybe I don’t want to do that,” he says. 

“Why? Why won’t you just leave me alone?” Regulus folds his arms. 

“I already told you why.”

“And I told you that would never happen. Now scram.” he points towards the exit doors and sits on the benches, rubbing his neck absentmindedly. James places himself next to him, his feet landing on the other side of the floor. 

“Since when do you order me around like that?” James asks. Regulus turns around, facing James. 

“Why? Does it offend you Potter?” Regulus sneers, leaning closer to gain dominance. James on the other hand smirks back at him and leans even closer. Two can play at this game. 

“No, I actually quite like it.” he whispers. He sees a shiver run past down Regulus and James can’t help but smile at his little victory. He notices Regulus glancing down on James’ lips and James finds himself doing the same, studying each curve and line, even the little scar that runs down his bottom lip. He wonders what it would feel like under his touch. He looks back up only to be met by Regulus staring back at him. The air feels thick and crampy. As if time itself has stopped, taking away the breathable air with it. James parts his mouth to form words only to be interrupted by the doors of the locker room, swinging open and an eruption of chatter followed by the slytherin students who have entered. They both snap back into reality and part away from each other. James fumbles with his fingers, giving glances at Regulus. Regulus is now up on his feet, fixing his gloves all the while doing everything in his power not to look at James. The Slytherins give them side glances whispering behind their backs. When James turns to look at where Regulus was standing just a second ago, he is once again met with disappointment. The boy seems to vanish into thin air every single time. But James doesn't mind. He was making progress.