Birds of a Feather
James Potter
Wednesday | October 8th, 1975
“But, you really don’t think I sh-”
“No.”
“But, Moony, I think-”
“No.”
“But-”
“ No .”
James sat up, exasperated, from where he had been laying down dramatically on his bed. Remus was sitting on the floor with his back to his trunk and legs crossed beneath him as he wrote his Care for Magical Creatures essay. He wasn’t even looking up from his work to deny James, which upset James more than he’d care to admit.
“Are you even listening-”
“No.”
“Have you heard a sing-”
“No.”
“Can I dye your hair pink?”
“No… what? ” Remus looked up, incredulously.
“I knew you weren’t listening!” James pointed at him. “‘No’, ‘no’, ‘no’. You haven’t heard a thing that I’ve said.”
James crossed his arms over his chest, pouting.
Remus gave him a flat look, “You know that I can’t write and listen to you.”
James didn’t really understand why Remus could multitask everything but reading and writing. James had literally once seen Remus play a game of chess, fry an egg, and hold a conversation with James and Marlene all at once before. Reading and writing were just one of those things that took more concentration for Remus. James had even seen Remus not be able to read some days. He’ll look at a book and not turn a page for an hour.
“Then just ignore your essay for like five minutes and listen to me.”
“I don’t want to hear you pine over Lils.” Remus said.
James made his way over to Remus’ area on the floor and laid himself over Remus’ crossed legs. He whined, “But I want attention!”
“Then find Pads or Cherry.” Remus pushed James off, surprising the younger boy with his unnatural werewolf strength.
“But-”
“No.”
“GUYS!” Sirius stormed into the room like an energetic puppy. “It’s raining tomorrow!”
Sirius threw himself over the crumpled lump that was his best friend on the floor.
“Gerrof, tosser.” James twisted so that he could roll them over and then pinned Sirius to the red rug that covered the middle of their dorm room. “How d’you know?”
“Alice and Frank were trying to plan an extra flying sesh– not a practice, just for fun, you know– and used a weather predicting spell.” Sirius explained, pushing James off so they could both sit up. “I walked in when they got the results.”
“Perfect!” James smiled. He looked over to Moony, who was back to writing his essay. “Moony?”
“Hm?” Remus tore his gaze from his parchment. “What?”
“Is the spell ready?” Sirius asked. “Can we do the prank tomorrow?”
It took a second for Sirius’ words to click but Remus nodded. “It’s going to rain tomorrow?”
“Yup.”
“Then, yeah.” Remus nodded, tilting his head and nibbling on the end of his bilo– he refused to use quills unless forced. “We’ll need to tell Peter then.”
“Well, where is he?” James asked, standing up. He looked around for the map. “Where’s the map?”
“It’s your turn to keep it.” Remus said. “But, anyway, he’s busy right now.”
“Doing what?”
“He told me that he was going to the kitchens.”
“To get food or to bake?” James asked. Peter loved to bake. He used to do it with his mom and sister, but he couldn’t do it at Hogwarts at first. Then, Remus found the kitchens in second year. Peter had asked the house elves if he could bake occasionally and they said yes. In fact, they love it. They’ll give him tips and ask him when he’s going to bake again.
“Didn’t say but he’s been there for an hour so I’m going to go with the latter.”
“I hope he makes those snickerdoodles again.” James sighed.
“Now,” Sirius cleared his throat. Remus sighed and put away his work, clearly accepting that he wasn’t going to get any work done now that Sirius was there. “On to important things.”
“Like what?” Remus pulled out a fag and lit it.
“Window, Moony.” James wrinkled his nose. Remus rolled his eyes but cracked the window to smoke out of. James looked over to Sirius, only to see him absolutely transfixed on the sight of Remus smoking. “Sirius? Important things?”
Sirius shook himself out of his daze and purposely avoided looking at Remus. “Halloween.”
Remus’ eyes brightened. There were few things that Remus let himself get visibly excited about; books were one of them. “What’re you thinking?”
“Costumes.” Sirius started spinning his beater’s bat for something to do as he talked. “We’re obviously doing a group costume-”
“Obviously.” James grinned.
“So, we need options.”
Remus rolled his eyes fondly. “Well, let’s get to planning.”
~ ~ ~
Thursday | October 9th
“When’s it going to happen?” James whispered excitedly. He was hardly stopping himself from bouncing in his seat.
“Once Snivelus gets here.” Remus said. “And once I get a cup of tea.”
James, automatically and without even thinking, started to make Remus a cuppa.
Micah raised an eyebrow. “Why do your friends serve you?”
“I don’t know,” Remus lied, shrugging. “They like to.”
“Odd bunch, aren’t you?” Micah said to them. They looked at their boyfriend. “Now, do I want to know what’s going to happen?”
Remus just smirked at them.
“Oh no.” Micah didn’t look that concerned. “What did you do?”
“Ask me no questions and I shall tell you no lies.”
“That ought to be the ‘marauders’ motto.” Micah rolled their eyes.
“He walked in!” Peter said excitedly.
The four marauders– as subtly as possible– pointed their wands to the ceiling, saying the incantation as clearly and quietly as possible.
“What does-” Micah couldn’t get another word out before a raindrop landed comically on their nose. They crossed their eyes to see it.
All around the Great Hall, noises of confusion sounded before there was a scream. It was like that scream was all that the spell needed for the sky to burst open. The rain fell. It was like a sprinkle or a sheet. It wasn’t that heavy, especially compared to the average Scottish winters that the Hogwarts students have grown used to, but it definitely wasn’t a ‘light drizzle’.
Lots of the students ran out of the hall, squealing and screaming as they covered their heads with their cloaks or bags.
Sirius grinned at Remus. “Wicked.”
~ ~ ~
McGonagall knew it was them. Obviously. So they got detention. Only for a week though because Flitwick couldn’t stop gushing about how perfect the charm work was.
They (the marauders) weren’t too fussed though. It was totally worth it to see Snape completely soaked and looking like a wet rat (a comparison that Peter didn’t like but couldn’t disagree with, so.)
Now, all four of them were in the North Courtyard (the only courtyard with an enchantment that keeps the rain out and inside dry). They were all sitting, joking around, when Snape and his ‘friends’ (Wilkes, Avery, and Mulciber) walked up to them.
“Aww look.” Mulciber sneered. The four Gryffindors turned but remained seated. They’ve learned that not rising to their bait to fight 1) made them seem more innocent if a teacher were to walk up and 2) infuriated the Slytherin boys to no end. “The blood traitors, squib, and half-breed.”
“Aww look,” Peter mocked back. “The disappointments. Tell me, how does it feel to have a dick too small to even wank?”
“You’re one to talk about ‘too small’, Pettigrew.” Wilkes spat.
James tilted his head, shooting the other boy’s pants a look before returning eye contact. “Nah, looks like you are, Wilkes.”
“Can we stop talking about their dicks?” Remus groaned. “I do want to be able to stomach lunch later.”
“Really, Loopy?” Snape finally spoke up, emerging from where he was basically hiding behind the others. “I thought other guys’ dicks were your favourite meal?”
Remus raised an unimpressed brow, “Really, Snivelus? Gay jokes? I thought you’d be a bit more creative than that.”
“Are you admitting that you’re gay?” Mulciber smirked.
“Are you admitting that you have a small dick?” Remus shot back.
“You’re pathetic, Lupin.” Snape hissed, real anger seeping into his words like venom. “You’re just a disgusting excuse for a waste of space and if you disappeared, the only one who’d care would be your filthy muggle mother because she'd be stuck with you again.”
James looked over to gauge Remus’ expression (knowing from experience how Remus’ anger spiked when Hope gets mentioned), but Remus just rolled his eyes. Remus stood up lazily and stepped towards the group of Slytherins, almost like a wall separating the two groups.
“I hoped that you’d have better insults by now, Snape. Especially since you know my ‘big secret’,” Remus used his fingers to make the quotation marks in the air. He looked bored , like Severus’ insults were a waste of his time. The way he said ‘big secret’ was mocking like an adult humouring a child after a tantrum. “Remember? I’m a ‘big, scawy monster.” He said the last three words in a baby voice.
Remus dropped the act with a scoff and eyeroll, straightening his back and staring down at Snape. “Honestly, Snivellus. Don’t look so scared. You ’re the one who thinks I’m a bloody werewolf; I just think you’re a little off in the head.” Remus leaned forward, closer to Snape’s slimy face. “ You ’re pathetic, Snape. You want to talk about nobody caring if someone leaves? You have as much value at Hogwarts as a condom does in your bedroom. Now, I was having a good day before your slimy self showed up. So, I suggest, that you run along before a werewolf snaps your fucking neck.”
Remus shot forward as if about to lunge and Snape flinched violently. Then, with an air of forced nonchalance, they turned and left.
“You just told them they were a werewolf!” Sirius gasped at the same time Peter exclaimed, “that was brilliant, Moony!”
“How was that brilliant, Peter?!” James said, nerves clear in his voice. “Avery, Wilkes, and Mulciber didn’t know and now they do!”
“But, didn’t you hear how Remus said it?” Peter said, impressed. “He made it seem like it was some big joke. No werewolf would ever admit they were a werewolf. Remus just destroyed any chance of them ever thinking that he’s one!”
“Unless Snivellus gives them all the evidence that shows otherwise.” Sirius added.
“But, he can’t.” Remus said, far too calm. “Not without breaking his vow with Dumbledore. He can’t even shake his head to confirm or deny their questions or suggestions about it.”
James and Sirius’ eyes brightened as it clicked in their heads.
“Oh, you’re brilliant, Moons!” James hollered when Sirius suddenly let out a large bark of laughter. The other three boys turned to him as he laughed. He was completely in stitches. “You okay, Pads?”
“You compared Snape to a condom!” Sirius wheezed and as if only just remembering Remus’ words, all of the boys fell laughing.
“What in Merlin’s tits?”
James looked up to see the three girls standing above them, looking at them in confused amusement. Marlene was the one who spoke but it was clear that the other two were thinking the same thing (without Merlin’s tits. Remus had explained that that’s a wizard expression).
“What happened?” Mary asked, sitting down after the boys had stopped hollering.
“Snape came over, right?” Peter started, still laughing. “And he and his friends were being right-on pricks, yeah? And they’re insulting us and we’re not completely innocent, we were firing back. It wasn’t anything too serious or bad until Snape said something really nasty and Remus just went straight into his face and said ‘ You have as much value at Hogwarts as a condom does in your bedroom ’.”
The girls burst out laughing– even Lily (the Snape-defender she was).
“That was a scarily good impression of Moony.” James bumped shoulders with Peter.
“ Thank you, thank you .”
“Okay, I don’t sound that Cockney.” Remus rolled his eyes.
“Yes, you do.” The girls all said.
~ ~ ~
“So, what’s the next prank, do you think?” James asked Remus.
It was just them two outside. They each had a book. Remus had something fancy that didn’t even present its title on the cover and James had a book of Remus’. It had the same feel of a magazine but the pictures didn’t move. It was mainly illustrations. Remus called it a ‘comic book’ and thought it’d be a good way to get James to read more for fun. He was right (like he usually was) and James loved it.
“I have a really cool idea but it involves potions and we know how good I am at that.” Remus gave James a flat look.
“But, you know how Pete and I are aces at it!” James said, excited. He leaned forward. He hoped he used ‘aces’ correctly. He heard Remus, Mary, and Lily (and occasionally Sirius) say it. “We could even get Lily involved if it doesn’t harm anyone. You know how much she secretly loves our pranks.”
Remus rolled his eyes, hiding his smile behind his book.
“Come on, Moony, what is it?” James asked, propping himself up on Remus’ bent knees.
“Oof! Gerroff, tosser!” Remus shook off James. “I’ll tell you. Jesus fucking Christ.”
James smiled smugly.
“You know how each of us marauders speak a separate language?” Remus started. James nodded. “I speak Welsh. You speak Spanish, Hindi, and Gujarati-”
James’ mum was from India, where she spoke Gujarati and Hindi. James’ dad was from Spain, even though he was also half-Spanish (the other half being Spanish), so he spoke Hindi and Spanish.
It was quite a love story, really. They met in Hogwarts (Effie was Slytherin and Monty in Gryffindor). They hated each other and were quidditch rivals (both being chasers). Then, all of the sudden, Fleamont realised that he fell for Euphemia in fifth year. Then he pulled a full James (although, maybe James pulled a Fleamont) and chased after her. He asked her out on dates, he complimented her, he praised her… it was a scary switch from the insults and comebacks (according to Effie). Effie said that she secretly liked it and fell for him then, but they didn’t get together until they were in their 6th year.
They got married two years after graduating and then tried for many years to have children while Euphemia trained as a healer and Fleamont started his own hair brand. Then they had James in their late thirties and raised him under both cultures.
All in all, James grew up speaking all three languages and English.
“-Sirius speaks all of the fucking languages he speaks-”
French, German, Latin, Greek, and a little Spanish, James listed off in his head. Sirius’ family spoke mainly French and a little English at home, but was forced to learn German, Latin, and Greek. He then only started learning Spanish because of James (it seemed the easiest to learn out of James’ languages), which definitely helped when he started dating Mary.
“-and Peter speaks basic Spanish and a little German.” Remus continued. “I know the girls are bilingual as well. Lily’s got Scots and Gaelic, Marlene has Spanish and German-”
Marlene and Peter– because of growing up with James– learned Spanish from the Potter household (easiest out of the languages to learn), but both of the blonds were very british. The only reason they learned German was because Marlene was part German. Marlene and Peter started to learn it so they could talk shit in front of their parents.
“-and Mary obviously speaks French and Spanish.” Remus sighed. “I want to alter the Mutatio Verbo to be a potion– easier to distribute– and make it to where it forces the drinker to speak a second language.”
“Mutatio Verbo?” James racked his brain for the spell before placing it. “Oh Merlin! Wait! That’d be so funny!”
“Thank you,” Remus dramatically bowed.
“What if someone doesn’t speak another language?”
“No clue.” Remus shrugged. “We haven’t made the spell yet so we have no clue of knowing.”
“I can’t wait.”
~ ~ ~
Remus Lupin
Friday | October 9th
“So.”
Remus looked up from his book to see his partner look at him expectantly. Micah was staring at him with their hands locked over the table they were using in the library. Remus looked around but Micah was definitely looking at him. Remus put away his book.
“So?”
“So,” Micah smiled, happy to have Remus’ attention. “What are you going to be for Halloween?”
“I don’t know yet.” Remus shrugged. “I have to ask James.”
“You have to ask James what you ’re going to be for Halloween?” Micah raised a brow.
“Us four always do a group costume,” Remus explained. “I don’t really care what the costume is; I just celebrate the holiday, you know? So, I let them brainstorm and plan it and I just kind of show up.”
Micah chuckled.
“How very independent of you,” Micah teased.
Remus rolled his eyes when they caught on someone. Remus waved him over.
“Hey, Moony. Micah. Alright?” James smiled.
“Yeah. Hey, what’re we going to be for Halloween?”
“Ready?” James grinned. He planted his feet and used his hands to draw out like presenting a banner in the air. “ Superheroes !”
“I thought superheroes were a muggle thing.” Micah asked, smiling lightly at James. “How do you know about them? Are there wizard superheroes?”
“No, you’re right. They’re a muggle thing.” James dropped his hands. “Remus lent me one of his comet books.”
“ Comic books, James.” Remus rolled his eyes. “So, which superheroes specifically? Who am I?”
“Surprise?”
“You’re a wanker.”
James grinned.
“So, what’re you doing in the library anyway?” Remus asked. “You don’t usually frequent here.”
“Oh, yeah! Lily sent me! You have patrol rounds in ten minutes or so.”
“Oh! It’s past five already?” Remus shot up. “ Shit! ”
“Hey, hey. You go ahead and go.” Micah offered. “I’ll get your stuff. Don’t worry.”
“Oh my- fucking thank you. Talk later, yeah?” Remus reached over, kissed Micah, and ran out of the library.
~ ~ ~
“I feel like this is just poorly disguised, unpaid child labour.” Remus said unprompted as he and Lily roamed the halls.
Lily snorted. “Damn right it is.”
“I mean, what’s the point of this?” Remus asked, chuckling. “Do we get anything? Are there any perks?”
“It looks good on job applications?” Lily offered but she looked like she didn’t even believe it.
“Oh, yes.” Remus scoffed. “That’s what every employer is looking for: swots .”
“Half of these prefects could not be labelled as ‘swot’.”
“Fine. ‘Stiffs’ then.” Remus corrected. “Did you know that I had to explain what those two words meant to Sirius and James?”
“What, ‘swot’ and ‘stiff’?”
“Yeah, it’s muggle slang.” Remus said. “Sirius grew up in too much of a pureblood household to have learned it and James didn’t really get to learn any slang.”
“Why not?”
“When you speak four languages– and one of which, you only speak outside of home– you don’t really pick up the extra terms.”
“James speaks four languages!” Lily exclaimed.
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Spanish, Hindi, Gujarati, and English. He only really spoke English around Pete and Marlene growing up though.”
“Just when I thought he couldn’t-” Lily cut herself off with a groan. She whirled around to face Remus. “Can we take a break?”
Remus could pick up the scent of anxiety growing so he agreed and let her lead him over to an alcove with a window and they sat down. Lily brought her knees up to her chest.
“Hey, Remus?”
“Uh oh.” Remus knew that voice. She was about to tell him something (most likely a secret). She seemed really nervous though. Remus wondered what brought this on; they were just talking about James… oh fuck ! Was she finally about to admit that she liked James back? “You okay?”
“I have to tell you something.” Called it . “And I don’t think you’ll like it.”
Okay, maybe not her crush on James , Remus thought.
“It’s okay, Lils.” Remus took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “You can tell me anything.”
“I know that. That goes for you too.”
“I know.”
“Good.” Lily took a breath. “I was actually waiting for you to tell me first-”
“Wait, what?”
“-but I know that you’re a werewolf.”
Remus’ blood went cold and he dropped her hand.
“What?” He croaked.
“I know you’re a werewolf.” She repeated but it didn’t stop the ringing in Remus’ ears. “I’ve known for a while, but I wanted you to tell me. Don’t worry, the other girls don’t know-”
“How?” Remus interrupted. Lily’s mouth closed with a click, green eyes earnest. “How d’you know? How d’you find out?”
“When we became friends, I noticed that you got sick a lot,” Lily began, setting her feet back onto the floor. “Then, after a day or two of being sick, you’d miss the first half of your classes for the day and show up with a new scar.
“I originally thought that you were being abused at home. That you’d visit your family once a month and they’d hurt you, but then I heard how highly you spoke about your mum ( mam , sorry) and dad and dismissed that theory-”
“Why’d you think that I visited my family? Are we even allowed to do that?”
“Frank used to.” Lily shrugged. “He’d have to go eat dinner with his mum every so often and would floo back home for it. I thought you had to do the same.”
“Huh, didn’t know that.”
“Anyway, then in fourth year, you still got sick but you stopped missing classes and stopped getting new scars but James, Pete, and Sirius started falling asleep in classes right when you’d usually miss. Around October, I think, I was reading ahead for Care of Magical Creatures when Sirius called you ‘Moony’ and it all just kind of clicked.” Lily bit her lip. “I don’t really know what the boys started doing last year that helped but I know they did something.”
“Why’d you tell me that you know now?” Remus asked. “You said that you were waiting for me to tell you, so why now?”
Lily bit her lip again. “Right. So after yesterday, when Peter said that Sev said some really cruel things to you? Yeah, I confronted him about it. I told him that you and him were my best friends-”
Remus fought the urge to squirm. He did not want to be grouped with Severus fucking Snape. Even if it was just they were both Lily’s best friends.
“-and that I wanted you to get along. He started ranting about how you were unsafe and that I shouldn’t be friends with you…” She trailed off with a sigh. “I realised that he knew. I denied that I knew anything and acted like he was being crazy– which he was. But, I needed to tell you that I know now because I need my questions answered.”
“Okay, then.” Remus rolled his shoulders back. “Ask away.”
“How does Severus know? And why can’t he say anything about it?”
Remus then explained what Sirius had done fourth year as vaguely as he could. He just said that Sirius let it slip, Severus decided to fuck about, and James saved them. How Dumbledore made Severus make an Unbreakable Vow and how the ‘Prank’ was what happened between the boys last year.
“Holy shit.”
“I think our break has been long enough.” Remus stood and started to walk away briskly before Lily could even join him. She ran after him.
“What the fuck?!” Lily said, slightly out of breath. “What did he say? Remus! Remus, what did Sev say to you.”
“Nothing I haven’t heard or thought before. Don’t worry.”
“I-”
“Lily.” Remus stopped walking and turned to her. She looked up at him. “I’m fine.”
She bit her lip.
“And I’m glad you know. You’re one of my best friends, Clover. I was planning on telling you just not right now, but I’m glad you know.”
Lily smiled. “I’m glad I know too.”
They returned to their patrol, not talking but not needing to, when Lily gasped and stopped in her tracks. “Wait! Is that what James calls your ‘furry little problem’?!?!”