Smells Like Teen Spirit

Remus Lupin

Wednesday | September 10th

Remus liked to sleep in. He’s the kind of person that doesn’t fully wake up until he’s had coffee or tea and is either up all night or sleeps ‘till noon… or both.

This sucks because James and Sirius are on the quidditch team and Frank’s apparently a drill sergeant.

“Fuck you.” Remus grumbled, turning his face into his pillow.

“Sorry, Moony.” James whispered. He was the one who had woken Remus up; Sirius was really good at being quiet (which led Remus’ brain down the train of thought on why Sirius would be good at sneaking around).

“Fuck you.” Remus pulled himself out of bed. It might’ve been almost six in the morning, but Remus was never able to fall back asleep after he woke up. “Truely.”

Remus dragged his fingers through his curls the best he could, scanning the room. James was shoving his uniform cloak into his bag (he still hadn’t put the extension charm Remus had suggested yet) and Sirius was sitting on his trunk, staring at Remus. 

Remus froze. Why was Sirius looking at him like that? Remus looked down at his pyjamas.  They were his usual ones: red flannel bottoms and a long-sleeved tartan top. The shirt had ridden up quite a bit while Remus was sleeping, but that couldn’t have been why Sirius was staring because it’s not like he has any new scars and he’s seen Remus naked before (because of moons). Remus looked back at Sirius. He was dressed in usual quidditch practice wear with his shoulder-length curls in a messy bun at the back of his head.

Remus waited patiently for Sirius to break out of whatever daze he was in, but he didn’t. He just continued to stare at Remus like he was studying him. Remus felt exposed, like an exhibit at a museum. He had to tear Sirius’ eyes off of him.

“Morning, Sirius.” Remus said– low enough in volume so as to not wake Peter. His voice was deeper and slightly huskier than normal due to just waking up.

He watched Sirius swallow thickly, still not moving his eyes from Remus.

“Prongs?” Remus asked, looking away from Sirius. James looked up at him. “Is Padfoot alright?”

James’ brows furrowed together and he turned to Sirius. “Pads?”

Sirius, then, blinked out of whatever haze he was in. “Huh?”

“You okay?” James asked, a light laugh in his voice. 

Sirius rubbed his face. “Yeah, just tired. I must’ve zoned out.”

Remus bit his smile, trying to hide it. Sirius often teased him and James for ‘daydreaming’ a lot, so it was somewhat amusing.

“Shut it, Moony.” Sirius grumbled, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. 

Remus put his hands up. “I said nothing.”

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Pads.” James smiled. “See you, Moons.”

“See you.” Remus watched them leave. 

It was too early to go to breakfast. The library probably wasn’t open yet. He didn’t want to get high before classes– especially since he had McGonagall today. So, Remus got ready , left his cloak in his room (just wearing his uniform bottoms and a jumper), grabbed his cigarettes, and went to the common room. He sat in the window seat that overlooked the quidditch pitch and smoked, lighting up his fag with his beat up zippo. He didn’t even try pulling out a book. The shapes and lines never made sense that early in the morning.

“Hey, Remus.” 

Remus looked to see Lily. “Hey, Clover.”

“Can I bum one?” Lily sat on the other side of the settee. Their legs tangled with each other. Remus passed her the one he just lit and pulled out another for himself. “Why’re you up so early?”

“James knocked over some shoes that he left on his trunk when he was leaving for practice.” Remus inhaled and blew the smoke out through the small opening in the window. “You?”

“I had the early shift for prefect rounds.” She sighed.

“Blimey.” Remus shook his head. “Who was your partner?”

“Emmeline Vance.”

“She’s that pretty, seventh year Ravenclaw, right?” 

“Really pretty.” Lily agreed. “Are you ever going to actually introduce Marls to Meadowes?”

“Maybe.” Remus shrugged. “It’ll have to be a good moment. I just wanted to tease Cherry a bit.”

“Do you like anyone so far, Remus?” Lily asked.

“Oh my God, Lily.” Remus rolled his eyes and hung his head back, blowing out a pillar of smoke.

“Do you?” Lily pressed on. “Really? No girls? No boys? At all?”

Remus was out to the girls and Pete only. 

Pete and he had gotten high one night near the beginning of fourth year. Remus had just discovered his sexuality the summer before, and Pete asked if Remus would be okay with kissing him. Peter had explained that he had never felt any sexual attraction to girls and thought that maybe he could be attracted to guys. Remus agreed. It wasn’t a bad kiss. Not at all, but neither of them had felt anything for the other, so it was a one time thing.

Remus had explained that he was bisexual and what that meant. Peter, coming from a pure-blood family, didn’t know any of the sexualities at all, so Remus explained them. Peter came out of that smoking session knowing that he was hetero-ace. The reason he didn’t think he was attracted to girls was because he didn’t want the same things from them that other boys told him that he should want.

The girls actually came out to him before he could do so to them. Marlene and Remus had gone on that date at the end of third year (neither knowing that it was a date). It was all happensense in their brains. Remus asked the girls if they would go to the bookshop in Hogsmeade with him (the marauders wanted to do something else). Mary and Lily said that they were doing something else but that Marlene could go.

They had gotten all the way to the Three Broomsticks when Rosmerta asked them how their date was going (having heard about it from Lils and Mary). After laughing that they had been set up by their friends, Marlene had confessed to Remus that she didn’t like boys like that. She had gotten a little teary eyed and Remus– not the biggest physical touch or comforting kind of person– just hugged her and told her that that was alright. 

Remus had to thank Marlene though. Because of her coming out to him then, it opened his eyes to the possibility that summer.

“I haven’t seen anyone worth my time.”

“You’re a little mean.” Lily smiled.

“Nah, I just like to keep people on their toes.” Remus smirked.

“They have to be,” Lily joshed. “If they want to look you in the eye at least.”

“You’d have to stand on a chair.”

Lily stuck her tongue out at him. “God, I’m so hungry.”

“Oh?”

“It sucks. I have to wake up at four in the morning and the Great Hall doesn’t even open until seven.” Lily groaned. Remus leaned back on the arm of the settee to glance at the grandfather clock: 6:26.

Remus weighed it in his head. Lily was his friend, and he had been the one to find it… yeah, alright. If Sirius or any of the other marauders had a problem with it then they can complain about it to his face.

“Why don’t you just go to the kitchens?” Remus suggested. He knew that Lily didn’t know where the kitchens were; he was teasing her before he brought her to them.

Lily’s eyes widened. She tossed the fag out of the window and shifted onto her knees in one swoop, leaning over Remus knees. “Remus John Lupin-”

“How the fuck do you know my middle name?”

“-do you know where the kitchens are?!” 

Remus shrugged.

“You bastard!” Lily swatted at him. “Show me! Please! I’m so hungry.”

“Hmm…” Remus sucked his lips in, pretending to ponder it. He smirked. “Sure, wait here.”

Students weren’t allowed out of their dorms until seven, which meant they needed the map. Remus pulled it out of his bedside drawer just as Peter started to stir. 

“Moony?”

“Yeah, Pete?” Remus stood by the door.

“What are you doin up?” Pete then sat straight up. “What time is it? Am I late?”

“It’s almost 6:30. You’re not running late. I just woke up early.”  Remus ran down the stairwell. “See you, Wormy!”

Before Remus entered, he checked the map. Filch and Norris were in the caretaker’s closet, unmoving, so they were probably asleep.

“Mischief managed.” Remus whispered, folding the map up and putting it in his bag. Lily didn’ know about the map, and Remus wasn’t going to show it to her. Not that day at least. He found Lily. “Ready?”

Lily jumped up. “Yes!”

Remus made sure to stay quiet as they walked through the castle. Not only because of the whole curfew thing but also, he didn’t want to disturb the portraits. As much as it might shock the average Hogwarts student to believe, the marauders were actually on really good terms with almost all of the portraits. One time, Remus had mentioned this to the girls and they baulked (‘you lot are so loud and chaotic! How could the portraits like you? They have to be super annoyed or something.’).

But, the opposite was true. The portraits of the Hogwarts halls loved the marauders. Peter always stopped to talk with them, James complimented them, Sirius flirted with them, and Remus listened when they wanted to talk. They had always treated the paintings politely and when they had realised that the portraits could seriously screw up their chances of being caught while pranking, they multiplied their efforts. 

The paintings were especially nice to Remus. Back in the first few years at Hogwarts when Remus just wanted to escape, he looked for any nook and cranny he could hide in (this later turned into wanting to discover everything about the castle for his own personal map) and the portraits– because they liked him– maybe hinted towards a secret spot or two a few times.

And, opposite of what everyone else believed, the portraits actually really enjoyed the pranks. The marauders made sure never to specifically prank the portraits themselves in order to not end up on their bad side, and the portraits loved being involved. The whole ordeal– the pranks and such– was very entertaining to them. Afterall, if you were stuck in a school for hundreds or so years, wouldn’t you want some divergence from the regular day to day? 

Remus led Lily to the second floor and down the hallway to the portrait of the fruit.

“What?” Lily looked at the fruit.

“Tickle it.” Remus told her. Lily gave him a flat look. “How hungry are you?”

“Really.” Lily crossed her arms.

“Then, trust me and tickle the fucking painting.” Remus laughed lightly. He couldn’t be too loud with the Hufflepuff dorms so close. 

Lily heavily rolled her eyes but reluctantly tickled the pear. The portrait swung open and Lily gasped.

Immediately a group of house-elves joined them as soon as they entered.

“Mister Remus! Mister Remus! Sir! How can we help you, sir?”

“Hey, Tappy.” Remus smiled at the house elf that spoke. “I’ll just take a quick hot chocolate, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course, Mister Remus sir.” And Tappy was gone.

“What do you want?” Remus asked Lily.

“Just a muffin, I guess.” Lily murmured, still shocked. “Strawberry or something.”

“Of course!” Another elf– Mimzy, if Remus remembered correctly– squeaked.

“Come on. Follow me.” Remus led Lily to a small table off to the side. 

“How’d you even find this place?” Lily asked as she sat down.

“I have a good nose.” Remus tapped the side of his nose, joking. 

“Here’s you are, Mister Remus, sir.” Tappy placed a big red mug of hot cocoa in front of Remus and a strawberry muffin in front of Lily. “And you’s, Miss.”

“Thank you, Tappy.” Lily and Remus nodded. And, he was gone. 

“When?” Lily asked, tearing a piece off the muffin and popping it in her mouth.

“Huh?”

“When did you find this? Third year? Last year?”

“First.”

“What! No way.” Lily shook her head. “There’s no chance. How did a scrawny, little eleven-year-old Remus find the kitchens when I, a talented, curious, and bright fifth year can’t.”

“I don’t even know.” Remus took a sip then lowered the mug. “I just found a lot of holes and spots to hide in first year.”

“Why?”

“I was scared.” Remus said, not even lying. “I hated being seen, hating being perceived, so I hid.”

Eleven-year-old Remus was so scared that someone would just look at him and know, that anyone would just stare at him for a second too long and scream ‘WEREWOLF!’. That didn’t happen (obviously). Remus didn’t exactly know what year or what age he just went ‘fuck it’ and stopped caring what people thought of him. Maybe it was the end of second-year or beginning of third year. Remus didn’t know.

He just realised how good his friends were and that they’d love him regardless. Maybe that’s when he stopped being so scared: when the marauders discovered his secret. He stopped having to hide himself from the very people he was trying to befriend and live with, so he stopped hiding from everyone. Now, that didn’t mean that he was flying through the halls screaming and proclaiming that he was a werewolf, mind you. He just stopped caring if people looked at him.

He started wearing what he wanted and acting how he wanted. James and Sirius called it ‘when Moony became cool’ and Peter called it ‘when Remus became Moony’. 

Mind you, he’s heard what is said about him. He’s heard the rumours about his scars (ranging from doing something stupid for a marauder prank and it backfiring to being in a magic fight club during the holidays or getting mauled by a pack of hellhounds when he was a kid), but he’s also heard the other things people have said about him (about him being cool and being the smartest marauder– and the hottest). He just simply didn’t care anymore.

“Are you still? Scared, I mean.” Lily said, leaning forward a tad.

“Maybe a little.” Remus confessed. “I don’t think I’ll ever be this picture-perfect or ideal ‘Brave Gryffindor’. I think everyone’s scared sometimes. Everyone has some type of fear. Mine just takes a different form now.”

“What form does it take?”

“I have these… attacks sometimes.”

“What do you mean?” 

Remus searched for the words, “Sometimes, my emotions get too much. I keep so much inside, you know? That sometimes it bursts out at times.” Lily still looked a little confused. “It’s like… I ‘bottle’ my emotions. I keep them all inside of me, and overtime, those feelings and emotions build up until they overflow.”

Lily nodded, thinking about it and biting her lip in concentration. “What are these attacks like?”

“I don’t know how long they take. The guys say they can be fifteen minutes or almost forty. It’s like a short burst of just fear. I get so scared. Everything feels like it’s closing in and nothing feels real or safe. I can’t breathe and everything feels wrong.”

“The guys…” Lily bit her lip. “Peter, James, and Sirius know about these?”

“Yeah, Sirius has them as well apparently, although he's only had two here at school and James had been with him, not me.”

“But they know?”

“They help.” Remus said. “They don’t really know what they’re doing, in truth, but they try their best to get me through them. Whether it be by helping me regulate my breathing or holding me through them. Sirius distracts me by talking through them. Pete does this thing called ‘grounding’ where he just describes what’s going on around us in a really soothing voice, and James hugs me or holds my hand while he talks.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like this before.” Lily said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not the worst thing.” It’s no turning into a werewolf. “It feels like it, at the time, but you get through it. You power through.”

Lily thought about that for a moment. “What’s the time?”

Remus pulled out his wand and tapped his wrist. “Tempura. Almost seven.”

“Want to head to the Great Hall?” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” 

~ ~ ~ 

“There you are, Moony!” Pete said as Remus and Lily sat down– Remus in between Peter and the girls.

The quidditch team was already there, grinning and hair damp from the showers. Sirius smiled and pushed a mug of tea across the table to Remus. Remus took a sip and smiled, biting his lip. Exactly as he liked it. 

“Thanks, Pads.” 

“Where were you and Lily?” Peter asked. 

“What?” Sirius and James both entered the conversation with quick head turns. James continued, “What do you mean, Pete?”

Peter looked at James, confused. “Remus left this morning with the map just as I woke up and then arrived with Lily.”

“Prefect rounds?” James asked hopefully.

“Lily had them earlier.” Remus shrugged, purposely not giving anymore information. Remus recognised immediately that James assumed that he and Lily were alone and was automatically jealous. Remus didn’t know why Sirius cared so much though. Maybe on James’ behalf? Those two often shared opinions and emotions.

“So you two were alone? Gone? Early in the morning?” Sirius leaned forward. His wording grabbed the attention of the two girls on his right– Marlene and Mary.

“We were only gone for like twenty to thirty minutes,” Remus said, smirking and leaning forward closer to Sirius. “That’s hardly any time at all.”

Sirius’ eyes widened and his face went red. Remus found such joy in making Sirius flush. Sirius never blushed ever. He never blushed or went red with any of his girlfriends or anything. Remus didn’t exactly know what he did that made him the exception. He could only assume that it was because Remus (although not shy anymore) used to be. He’s also the least vocal about anything romantic (crushes, dates, partners, preferences, ect.). Maybe Sirius still somewhat considered Remus to be this little innocent kid (spoiler alert: Remus had never been an “innocent” kid. He cussed like a sailor even as an eleven year old) so it was odd to him to hear Remus be even slightly vulgar.

Or maybe Sirius was more of a prude than Remus thought.

Mary, James, and the others laughed loudly. 

“Damn! Okay, Moony!” Peter snorted, bumping shoulders with Remus. “Get it, I guess.”

“Hey,” They all (the marauders and girls) looked up to see Michael Evont standing between Remus and Lily. “Can I sit here?”

“Sure!” James and Peter said.

Remus and Lily moved over to make room for Michael in between them. Remus turned to him. Michael was a tall-ish boy (by Remus’ standards so maybe 5”11 or 6”0) with dark- almost black curls and light-brown eyes like toffee. 

“Hi, I’m Remus.” Remus nodded. “We didn’t properly meet during the whole tryout-rebellion-thing.”

Michael chuckled lightly at that. “I guess not. Michael.”

Michael started making himself a mug of tea and Remus turned back to his friends only to see Sirius looking slightly sour and Marlene and Mary looking absolutely ecstatic. Remus shot the girls a confused look, and Mary wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Remus glared at her in return. She raised her hands as if surrendering.

“So,” Mary leaned forward onto her palm and batted her eyelashes. “Michael, why’re you sitting with us?”

“Yeah, why aren’t you sitting with the other sixth-years like usual?” James asked. “Not that we mind of course! We’re just curious.”

“I just needed a break from them and wanted to try something new.” Michael shrugged. He picked up a mug without looking and took a sip. Then immediately choked on it. “Oh, Merlin! That’s disgusting!”

“Hey! That’s mine!” Remus took back the mug much like a kid snatching back a toy.

“How much sugar do you put in it?!” Michael asked with wide eyes. 

“Way too much!” Lily chastised, leaning forward to point at Remus over Michael.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, Lils.” Remus rolled my eyes. 

Lily turned to Michael. “He puts like four whole spoonfuls of sugar into his tea.”

“What?!” Michael gaped, glancing at Remus, a mix of shocked, impressed, and disgusted.

“But that’s not even the strange bit!” Peter exclaimed.

“Yeah! The tea is basically a toothache but he drinks his coffee black!” Lily said. “I don’t understand, Re. I just don’t get it!”

“I’m the opposite.” Michael said, looking straight at Remus. “I drink my tea with maybe a half a spoon of sugar and my coffee is mostly creamer.”

Remus scrunched up his face which made Michael smile. “That’s awful. An absolute crime, that is.”

They all laughed and continued eating. Michael kept up a casual conversation with Remus all the while, asking what classes he was taking and such. Michael was absolutely flabbergasted that Remus took Arithmancy and Ancient Runes (“do you have a death wish or something?” “or something.” “I would die”). 

“What classes do you have today?” Michael asked.

“Transfiguration, Magical Creatures, and that’s it.” Remus stole his toast back from Peter, sticking out his tongue when Peter gawked.

“Do you have any plans after?”

Sirius cleared his throat. Remus– thinking it was probably unrelated– ignored him. 

“I’ll probably go to the library with Lily.”

“Actually,” Lily butt in. Remus didn’t even realise that she was paying attention. “I can’t make it. Prefect rounds.”

Remus knew she was lying, he could hear her heartbeat. “What? You had them this morning?”

“I’m covering for someone.”

Lie, Remus thought, but the look Lily was giving him shut him up. 

“Okay… I guess I’ll be heading to the library alone then.” Remus said, looking back at Michael.

“Can I join you?”

“Okay, you’re either really desperate to get a break from your friends or I made an unusually good first impression.” Remus said with raised eyebrows. “Which one?”

Michael laughed. “Either or. Your pick.”

Remus didn’t even notice Sirius glare.

~ ~ ~

“He was totally flirting with you!” Mary mused on their way to Magical Creatures. She wanted to talk about it earlier in Transfiguration, but Remus didn’t want to risk James or Sirius (or any other student) hearing. Now, they were outside, so now he had to deal with it. Great.

“Who?” Remus bit his lip, pretending to be confused. Marlene chuckled on his other side.

“God, Remus!” Mary whined. “You know who I’m talking about!”

“Who’s God again?” Marlene inquired. Remus snorted.

“Not the point, Marls!” Mary groaned. “Remus, he was flirting!” 

“I’m still not aware of who we’re talking about.”

“Remus!”

“Me? I was flirting?”

“Remus, I swear to God.”

Remus, at that point, was so glad that years of lying to and keeping a straight face in front of professors had trained him to not just burst out laughing on the spot. Mary was turning slightly red in the face and was now animating heavily with her hands as if she’d be able choke him a half a metre away. 

“Michael sodding Evont!” Mary whisper-shouted at him. 

“Oh! Is that who you’re talking about?” 

It looked like Mary was about to scream, but they had reached the class.

~ ~ ~

“Hey,” Michael sat down in front of Remus, just across the table. 

“Hey.” Remus looked up from his book to smile at him.

“What are you studying?” Michael asked, taking out his own texts. 

“Potions homework.” Remus said, dropping his chin into his hand.

“Oh? Not good?”

“No, it’s just-” Remus looked up, biting his bottom lip. “Potions is not my best subject if I’m honest. I’m struggling a bit.”

“May I help?” Michael moved over to Remus’ side to sit in the chair beside him. “I’m quite good at potions.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah, Slug Club and everything.”

“Really?” Remus grinned. He remembered when James and Sirius and Peter had gotten their invite to the Slug Club. Remus was invited, but he also didn’t really care. Peter was invited because of how good he was at potions. Sirius was invited because of his family. And, James was invited for both reasons. All three of the marauders thought it was bullshit that Remus wasn’t invited at all (“I’m not even good at potions” “That doesn’t matter! You can’t separate the marauders!”), so when they were at the meeting, they acted like marauders: they made the suits of armour come alive, they transfigured everyone’s dress robes pink and purple, they made it rain and thunder from the ceiling. Slughorn kicked them after that.

“Yeah,” Michael grinned back. “It’s an absolute shit fest, but it looks good for jobs later.” Remus could see that. “Okay, what are you struggling with?”

Michael ended up helping Remus through the entirety of his Potions homework.

“I hated that.” Remus groaned, putting the texts away. 

“It wasn’t that bad.” Michael bumped shoulders with him.

Remus tried to not flinch at the sudden contact and laid Michael with a flat look to which Michael laughed.

“I’m done.” Remus sighed. “I still have transfiguration to do but that's due Friday.”

“Okay then.” Michael cleaned up his own stuff– which he didn’t even get to work on. 

“I need a smoke.” Remus stood up, stretching and popping his back. 

“You smoke?” 

“Yeah,” Remus and Michael walked out of the library. “I worked a muggle job this summer to earn some money for Hogsmeade and such, and the muggle I worked with smoked so they got me into it.”

“Then, bum me one?” 

“You smoke?” 

Michael shrugged. “It’s a social thing.”

Remus led Michael out to a specific birch tree by the lake. He placed the fag between his lips, lit it, and passed it over. They were like that for a while, just passing the cigarette back and forth.

“Do you want to tell me the truth about why you’ve been hanging out with me today?” Remus asked, passing the fag.

“What do you mean?” 

“Did your friends do something to bother you? You know.” Remus said, tilting his head (something Lily said he did quite often). “The marauders aren’t against pranking their own house, not for a friend anyway.”

Michael let out a guffaw. “Good to know. I thought you’d be against the pranks or something. Aren’t you the responsible one?”

“Nah, that’s James. He’s the mother hen of the group.”

“What are you?”

“The brains.” Remus joked. “I make the pranks and, unlike my friends, know how to not get caught.”

“Good to know.” Michael passed it back. “You have a darkside then, Remy.”

Remus scowled. “Ew. Don’t call me that.”

“What?” Michael laughed. “I thought your group was huge on nicknames. Prongs, Pads, Wormy, Cherry, Moony,” Michael wiggled his eyebrows on that one. “I never know who’s who. I was so lost this morning.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Mary is Maisie, Lily is Clover or Lils-”

“I got that one.”

“-James is Prongs, Sirius is Padfoot or Pads,” Or ‘Stars’ if Remus feels playful. “Marlene is Cherry, Peter is Pete or Wormtail or Wormy, I’m Moony.”

“Do I even want to know how you got them?” Michael raised his eyebrows. “Those make zero sense.”

“I think that’s why we like them.” Remus stubbed the fag out on a random rock.

“To answer your question,” Michael sighed. Remus looked over. “About my friends? I don’t know. I think that I’m only friends with them because they’re in my house and year. They just say some things that I can’t ignore.”

“Like what?”

“They’re really homophobic.” Michael’s eyes widened and he whirled over to face Remus. “Wait! Are you homophobic!? I thought you lot would be alright but I swear if you end up being little, hating pieces of-”

“Whoa, okay, Michael.” Remus held out a hand as if steadying a horse. “We’re not homophobic! None of us. None of my friends are homophobic.” Michael took a breath and slumped back against the tree. “Especially since most of us are gay.”

Michael whipped back around. “Wait, what? Actually?”

Remus smiled and held out a hand to shake, “Bi. You?”

Michael took it. “I just identify as queer.”

“Ace.” Remus said.

“Who else?” 

“I’m afraid that I can’t say that,” Remus said. “It’s not for me to say.”

“Fair.” Michael laughed. “Do you just know about the sexualities or do you know about the other stuff?”

“Other stuff?” Remus looked over.

“Like genders and identities and all that.”

“A bit.” Remus shrugged. “My muggle friend– the one that smoked– didn’t identify as a girl or boy. So I used terms like ‘they’ or ‘them’.”

Michael’s smile grew. “That’s me.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not really a boy or a girl. I’m something in the middle, I guess.” Michael looked out to the lake. “Or maybe something else entirely.”

“So ‘they/them’?” Remus asked.

“‘They/them’.” Michael smiled. 

“Okay, then.”

~ ~ ~

They stayed out there until the sun went down. They missed dinner but they were fine. Sneaking back wasn’t too difficult. Remus still had the map but it wasn’t like he could just pull that out in front of Michael, so he did what he hadn’t done since second year and relied on his werewolf-enhanced senses. 

They almost ran into Flich, but lucky for them, Filch was having a rather animated argument with Norris about sleeping arrangements so he didn’t notice them. Michael and Remus struggled not to laugh in the hallway, but they were in absolute stitches when they finally fell through the portrait, leaning on each other and crying with laughter. 

“I don’t think that I ever wanted to know about something less!” Remus cried.

“I don’t know, Remus.” Michael smirked. “I’m kind of curious.”

“About Filch and Norris’ sleeping arrangements?”

“Yes!” Michael laughed. “I need to know now. Who’s top?”

Remus snorted.

“Hey, what are we laughing about?” James called from the marauders’ spot by the fireplace. Remus looked over. The other marauders were around the coffee table in a game of Uno (Remus and Lily had taught them in third-year). 

This– for whatever reason– made Michael and Remus laugh louder.

“Oh?” Mary walked up to them as they made their way to the other marauders. “Studying in the library went well, did it?”

“I don’t know.” Remus said. “We weren’t there for long.”

Then, Remus smelt a quick flash of fear. He looked around his friends but couldn’t distinguish who had just been scared for a moment so he ignored it. 

“Hey, Michael.” Lily joined them, sitting on the other side of Remus on the loveseat (Michael was on the other). “Remus.”

“Prefect rounds went well?” Remus asked.

“Studying went well?” She fired back. Remus poked his tongue out at her. She returned the gesture.

“Hey, guys!” Marlene squished onto the other side of Lily, but now Remus felt too squished so he stood up and moved over to sit on the arm of the loveseat beside Michael.

“You just have to be taller than everyone, don’t you?" Michael scoffed, looking up at Remus. 

“I do like looking down at you.” Remus teased. Michael rolled their eyes.

“So, what did you two do then?” Mary asked. “You said that you weren’t at the library.”

Sirius leaned forward over the coffee table. 

“Pads, it’s your turn!”

“We went to the lake and smoked.” Michael answered.

“Pads?”

“What did you talk about?” Mary asked.

“Oh, Lily!” Remus turned to her. “Did you know that Michael has read Jane Austin?”

“No way!” Lily exclaimed, turning in her seat. “What’s your favourite?”

“Ooh, I don’t know.” Michael bit their lip. “Maybe ‘Emma’?”

“No way! Mine too!” Lily said. “Have you ever read 'The Great Gatsby’?”

“I love that book!” Michael turned to Remus, laying his hand on Remus' thigh. “Have you read that one?”

“Yes! I have it upstairs.”

“PADS!?”

Everyone turned back to the table. Sirius was in some sort of daze, looking over in the direction of the loveseat. He blinked and shook his head out of it. “What?”

“It’s your turn, mate.” James said, eyeing Sirius with suspicion and concern.

“Right, sorry.” Sirius placed down a card.

“The colour isn’t yellow.” James whispered.

Remus leaned forward onto his knee. “You okay, Padfoot? That’s the second time today and you never zone out. Do you want me to go get you some tea or something?”

Sirius shook his head.

“I’m going to go get you some tea.” Remus stood up. “I’ll be back, guys.”

“Bye, Remus.” The girls said.

“Moony! Do you have-”

“Yes, James, I have it. See you!”

Remus pulled out the map as soon as the portrait closed, and made his way to the kitchens.

~ ~ ~ 

When Remus made it back, Sirius wasn’t with everyone else by the fire. 

“He retired early,” James said. “But, I doubt that he’s asleep.”

“Cheers,” Remus nodded. “Night, everyone.”

“Night, Remus.”

Remus climbed up the stairs and entered their dorm to see a big black dog laying on Remus’ bed.

“Agh, Padfoot!” Remus sighed. “Why do you always get on my bed? You shed like crazy.”

Remus sat down next to Padfoot, petting him with the hand not holding the mug. 

“You know,” Remus said. “You can’t drink this tea as a dog.”

Padfoot stuck his tongue out before turning in Sirius, now sitting right beside Remus on the bed. Remus passed over the mug and Sirius took a sip tentatively. 

“I don’t shed.” He pouted.

“Yes, you do.” Remus would’ve ruffled Sirius’ hair, but he didn’t dare. No one touched Sirius’ hair but Sirius himself. Remus doubted even Effie was allowed permission. “Both human and dog-you do.”

Sirius playfully shoved Remus. “Fuck off.”

Remus smiled and then, let it drop. “Want to tell me what’s up?”

Sirius whipped his head to look at Remus with wide eyes; his heartbeat spiked as well. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing.” Remus lied. “It’s just that you’ve zoned out twice today.”

“I’m just tired.”

Lie. Remus could tell by his heartbeat.

“Not sleeping well?”

“No, I’m sleeping fine.”

Truth.

“Are you having nightmares again?”

“It doesn’t matter, Moony.” Sirius placed the empty mug in Remus’ hands and stood up. “I’m just out of it.”

“Do you want to do something then?”

Sirius’ heartbeat hastened. “Like what?”

“It’s a week and a half into the school year and the marauders have not pulled a single prank.” Remus laid down, arms being his head. Sirius’ heartbeat hastened even more. 

“Moony!” Sirius exclaimed, giddy. “You’re my favourite!”

“Hey! I thought I was your favourite?” James said as he walked in, Peter on his tail. 

“Where does that leave me?” Peter asked.

“Prank.” Sirius said, grabbing James’ upper arm. “We need to do a prank.”

James smirked. It wasn’t the normal smile James had (he smiled quite a lot), it was the grin that only appeared when he knew that they were about to get into some major trouble.

“Boys? Let’s plan.”