Brother
James-
James had always wanted a brother, but he never got one by blood. Euphemia and Fleamont– James’ parents– had wanted multiple children and had tried for many years, but after more than a few miscarriages and losses, they almost gave up. They were in their forties when James finally came along. They tried for more but none came. They weren’t too fussed. They still loved James to the fullest.
James had always wanted a brother, and he kind of got one his first year when he had met a certain stubborn, dark-haired boy on the train. They instantly clicked in a way that James hadn’t even known was possible. Sure, James also befriended the scrawny, tawny-haired boy who was scared of his own smile and didn’t say much and he was still friends with Peter (who he had been friends with since they were little), but he had never clicked with anyone like he had with Sirius.
James had always wanted a brother, until he got one for real. When Sirius had showed up all broken through their fireplace the summer before fifth-year, James had questioned if he had wished for a brother at all because now he had one. He just wished he didn’t get one the way he had. He wished that Sirius could’ve come at his own choice and been adopted like that but that wasn’t what happened. Sirius was cursed with unforgivables and beaten until he could barely floo to the Potters’.
But now James had a brother. The brother he always wanted.
~ ~ ~
Monday | September 1st
“So, you’re permanently staying at the Potters’ now?” Peter asked again as the three boys– James, Sirius, and him– walked along the train corridor, poking their heads through every window.
“Well, my parents disowned me so I guess so.” Sirius joked grimly.
“Sorry.” Peter mumbled.
“No need.” Sirius said. “I never liked it there anyway, did I?”
Peter didn’t respond. Smart Pete , James thought glumly.
“Finally!” James cheered, pushing the compartment door open and sitting across from a no-longer-scrawny but still tawny-haired boy, who was sitting with one leg folded up to his chest on the chair, eyes focused on the book in front of him, and cigarette between his middle and index fingers. James scrunched his nose at the cigarette smell. “That’s a new development.”
Remus looked up, brows drawn together before glancing at the fag. “Oh, sorry. Habit I picked up over the summer.”
Remus closed his book around one finger as he stood up, bringing the fag up to his lips for a slow draw, blowing it out the window before flicking it out.
“How’d you even get one?” Peter asked as he sat by Remus.
“Friend.” Remus answered shortly before turning to Sirius, who stood in the doorway. Sirius seemed to be frozen there, his face was as unreadable as always but there was a slight shock and focus to it as he stared at Remus. “Pads? You good, mate?”
Sirius didn’t even react to Remus’ voice. His eyes travelled from the window to Remus’ hands (his gaze lingered there for a few moments), up Remus' arm to his face. His eyes fluttered around Remus’ different features before settling on Remus’ face as a whole. Sirius’ expression didn’t even change until Remus raised an eyebrow. Once Remus raised an eyebrow, Sirius’ eyes widened and blush spread across his neck.
“Padfoot?” Remus repeated. James noticed (now that he wasn’t distracted by the cigarette or smell) that Remus’ voice had dropped a little over the summer, although his height did the opposite, but Remus had always been that way. He had been the shortest and skinniest in the group until he came back for third year much taller (he then was only the second shortest after Peter) and then fourth year (where he was taller than everyone but James). He was definitely the tallest of the group now.
Sirius woke up from his daze, blush receding. He shook his head and plastered on that Sirius Black grin. “You grew up on us, Moony. Look at you!”
Remus' brows furrowed together, though he mostly just looked amused. “Look at me?”
“Seven inches taller, smoking, and even the voice deepened.” Sirius sat down. “You grew up over the summer. About time.”
“Oh. Bugger off, Pads.”
They all sat down: Peter and Remus on one side and Sirius and James on the other. Peter was kind enough to ask Remus about the book he was reading so while they had their own conversation, James turned to his best friend. Sirius was no longer red but he also wasn’t staring at Remus anymore. He was staring at his hands in his laugh. Sirius was also weirdly still, which was unusual for him.
“‘You good?” James whispered, not wanting to draw the attention of the other two marauders.
Sirius looked up sharply, giving a tight smile. The smile was what did it for James because it was so forced looking. Sirius wore his heart on his sleeve but his emotions were always behind a curtain. He could feel like the living dead but his face would never show it. James may have gotten better at reading his best friend over the years but that’s because he looked for clues. He didn’t have to look hard this time. Which meant that either whatever Sirius was feeling was too strong to hide or he wasn’t focused on fixing his face. James didn’t particularly like either option and it must’ve shown on his face because Sirius’ eyes widened with concern.
“No, no! James, I’m okay,” Sirius was quick to assure him. Sirius grabbed James’ hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I’m all good, Prongs. I’m just…”
Sirius trailed off, looking back at Remus, who was still talking to Peter though it seemed like they were debating now. Sirius seemed to have forgotten that he was supposed to finish that sentence and just studied the way Remus’ hands moved animatedly while arguing.
“Pads?”
“Hmm?” Sirius looked up. “Oh! Yeah, I’m good. I just didn’t really expect Remus or Peter to grow up over the summer.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“Well,” Sirius bit his lip. “With everything that changed over the summer, I didn’t really expect everyone else to too. I was kind of expecting to come back to Hogwarts and everyone would be exactly as I left them.”
“Pads, that’s-”
“Unrealistic.” Sirius finished, shrugging. “I know that. It’s still weird.”
“Like Remus’ new habit?”
A little pink appeared at the base of Sirius’ neck. “ That was definitely unexpected.”
“Definitely unexpected.” James repeated. He wasn’t talking about Remus though. He was talking about Sirius.
“What about me?” Remus asked. James and Sirius turned to see the other two marauders staring at them curiously.
“You smoke now.” James said.
Remus rolled his eyes. “Yes?”
“Why?”
“My friend got me into the habit over the summer. So?”
“What friend?” Sirius asked, though he sounded a bit more urgent than James.
“A muggle that I worked with.”
“You got a job?” Peter asked, digging in his bag for something.
“Yeah.”
“Where?”
“In a coffee shop.” Remus answered impatiently. “Any other questions about me or can we talk about someone else’ summer?”
Peter and James both cautiously looked at Sirius. Remus obviously saw this.
“Sirius?” Remus said. “How was your summer?”
Sirius had made James promise not to write Remus or Peter over the break to let them know about what happened to him, thinking it’d be better to tell them in person. James had fought him on it because ‘wouldn’t it be better if they knew you were okay?’, but Sirius refused.
But, Sirius wasn’t explaining now. Instead he seemed to be frozen under Remus’ gaze.
The marauders were all known for their staring problems (all except Peter). It kind of started fourth year when they became animagi for Remus. Over time they had gained some of the habits of their animals. James had gotten the ‘deer stare’ (named by Sirius). James isn’t even fully conscious of it sometimes, he’ll just stare (at something or someone) and won’t blink, won’t move, won’t react, won’t anything. It’s sometimes intimidating.
Sirius was very detail oriented in terms of his thoughts. He had to look at all details regarding someone, so he’ll stare at someone or something to study it and not even realise that he’s doing it.
Remus was a bit more quiet about his staring because he didn’t do it openly. Remus was usually multitasking so if he was looking at you and not doing anything else, it meant he was giving you his full attention. He also hated eye contact so he tried to avoid it. But, if he was staring at you, it meant something. It was kind of scary, how piercing his gaze was. It always looked so knowing. Once when they were in second year, James had asked Remus how he knew everything. When Remus said that he didn’t and asked why James thought that, James told him that he always looked like he did. It’s in the eyes, James thought. Remus just had very knowing eyes.
So, James didn’t even blame Sirius for freezing under it. Which is why James saved him.
“Sirius is living with me now.”
Remus looked away from Sirius and towards James. “ What ?’
“I’m no longer the Black heir.” Sirius said dramatically.
“They disowned you?” Remus' eyes widened. He looked properly concerned now. Remus wasn’t exactly a very touchy person (that card went to James and Sirius easily) but James could almost see Remus restraining himself from taking hold of Sirius and checking if he was alright. “Are you okay?!”
“Yeah, Moony, I’m all good.” Sirius grinned. It was fake, James could tell, but no one else would know that.
“If you’re not the heir,” Peter started. “Then, does that make-”
The door to their compartment slammed open to reveal none other than Regulus Black. Sirius shot to his feet but didn’t close the distance between them though it was clear he wanted to.
“Sirius,” Regulus breathed out. He had his brother’s habit of shutting down feelings and showing no real, true emotions, but where Sirius wore a smile, Regulus wore impassiveness. Not then though. Regulus’ eyes watered and his bottom lip quivered. Then, Regulus rushed forward and Sirius wrapped him up in a hug. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, petite étoile,” Sirius gripped the back of Regulus’ head, attempting to hug more of him. “I’m okay. Are you? Did she-”
“I’m okay. You’re okay.” Regulus spoke it all in a rush, tears falling down his face.
They just held onto each other for a moment.
“I have to- I have to go find my friends now.” Regulus sniffled. His cheeks were pink and blotchy, his nose wet. James honestly thought that he looked a bit like a cherub, but then in a blink, he was back to normal. There were no signs that he had cried at all, instead with a face that most closely resembled boredom. “Eight o’clock, Thursday at our usual spot?”
“Yeah,” Sirius smiled. “Bye, petite étoile. Je t’aime.”
“Je t’aime.”
And he left.
“Do you think the girls will come find us or should I go look for the sweet trolley?” Sirius asked, sitting back down and stretching out.
“The girls?” James perked up, thinking of a certain fiery redhead. “Are you and Mary still a thing then?”
Remus looked up from his book. “I thought you two broke up?”
“We’re still friends.” Sirius shrugged. “Like you and Marlene, Moony.”
Remus rolled his eyes and groaned, “We went on one date! And neither of us even knew that it was a date!”
The other marauders laughed.
“I still think that you and Marls would make a cute couple.” Peter added, completely oblivious to Sirius’ glare.
Remus gave Peter a flat look. “No. We wouldn’t. Trust me.”
“Yeah, Pete.” Sirius said somewhat hotly. “Besides, they’re too similar. Remus would work better with someone opposite of him.”
“Oh, would I?” Remus raised an eyebrow, peering at Sirius from over his book. Sirius’ neck and ears grew red. “Are you trying to set me up or something, Pads?”
Sirius didn’t answer. Instead three, loud Gryffindors came in.
“Found you!” Mary sang cheerfully. Her hair was in thick, tight braids that went away from her forehead and then all the way down her back to her butt. “Why’d you switch compartments? We couldn’t find you.”
“A group of second-year Hufflepuffs were in it.” Remus explained.
“And Moony’s far too nice to tell them to scram.” Sirius laughed.
Remus stuck his tongue out at him, which had Sirius turning all red again. Marlene squeezed between Remus and Peter, automatically turning to lay across the boys’ laps. Lily and Mary pushed Sirius closer to James so that they could sit together between them and the wall. So, the order from the door to the window was Lily, Mary, Sirius, James. James leaned forward to look at Lily over Mary and Sirius’ laps.
“Hey, Evans.”
“Shut up, Potter.”
“Okay then.”
“ ‘You good?” Remus laughed, trying to reposition so that he could read with Marlene’s head on his lap.
“Darren and Micheal were being dicks on the way to King’s Cross.” Marlene rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”
“What were they saying?” Remus ran his fingers through her hair, settling the book down, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to read anymore now that the whole gang was there.
“They were just being annoying about Quidditch.”
“Quidditch?” James looked up, now interested in the conversation. Not that he didn’t care about Marlene, he did. It’s just that James had been friends with Marlene and Peter since they were little. He already knew how annoying Simon and Micheal could be.
Having grown up with the McKinnons, James had a different relationship with each of the five McKinnon kids. Jake Casey (he just went by Casey) was the oldest and a lot older than Marlene and James. James kind of looked up to him because he was a chaser for the Chudley Cannons before he settled down for a job in the Ministry. “Micah” and “Sim” were the most annoying. They were only two years apart and had been some of the best beaters the Gryffindor team had seen since the Prewett twins, but they were a little too hard on Marlene for James’ liking. Davey (David) was only four years older than Marlene, so they went to school with him until last year. He was a chaser for Gryffindor.
“Yeah, they were saying that now Frank’s captain, I should try for seeker.”
“Seeker?” James leaned over his elbows on his knees. Marlene was a beater with Sirius, and had been since they had tried out in second year.
“It’s my best position.” Marlene shrugged (well, the closest to shrugging she could do from her position). “Remember? That’s what I played when you, me, and Pete played when we were little.”
“Yeah, but I thought that was just because Mami wouldn’t let us play with bludgers.”
Marlene let out a dry laugh. “Maybe, but I’m a good Seeker and Johnson wouldn’t even let me try out for it last year.”
“Why not?” Johnson was their captain last year. Everyone on the team hated him.
“Please! He would never give such an important position like Seeker to a girl!” Mary scoffed. “The sexist toad.”
“ What?! ” James turned sharply to look at Mary.
Mary raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you never notice? Seriously, James? He was such a pig! He treated us girls on the team like trash.”
“I never even noticed,” James sat back on the bench.
“Why would you?” Lily scoffed. “It doesn’t affect you.”
“It does now.” James said firmly. “I didn’t realise that my friends were suffering. I do now so it affects me. I hate that I didn’t know.”
Lily hummed, eyeing James suspiciously.
“Glad to know that our Prongs is now a feminist.” Remus smirked. “Moving on though, how were you guys’ summers?”
“I got a job!” Lily exclaimed. “At my dad’s bakery. I transferred the money into wizarding money and now you don't have to buy my drinks at Hogsmeade!”
“We didn’t mind paying for you, Lils.” Marlene told her.
“I know, but it feels good to be able to pay you all back.” Lily shrugged.
Their compartment door opened, “Anything from the trolley?”
~ ~ ~
“I always forget how long this stupid ceremony is.” Remus groaned. “It’s not like anyone listens to the rules anyway.”
“Remus!” Lily scolded. “You really ought to be a better example.”
“Why?” Sirius turned from Dumbledore to join the whispering.
“He’s a prefect this year afterall.” Lily said simply, not at all realising what she just said.
The other three marauders turned to the werewolf, all wearing the same partly-shocked, partly-mischievous face.
“Moony!” Peter gasped.
“How could you?” James sighed dramatically.
“Why would you withhold this information from us? Your best friends!” Sirius exclaimed, putting his hand to his chest.
Remus rolled his eyes and glared at Lily. “Thanks for that, Evans.”
Lily shrugged, unbothered and slightly amused. “They were going to find out eventually.”
Remus stuck his tongue out at her, Lily copied him.
“Very mature prefects we have this year, don’t we?” Alice laughed from down the table.
“Very.” Frank raised his eyebrows, silencing them all. Frank had that power. Which is probably why he'd make such a good Captain.
They all turned back to Dumbledore who was finishing up his speech. “This year’s Head Boy and Head Girl, Frank Longbottom and Alice Fortesque.”
All the Gryffindors clapped.
“You didn’t mention that in your letters!” Lily gaped, turning to Alice.
“You didn’t ask.” Alice shrugged, winking.
“Now, now.” Dumbledore continued. “Let’s welcome our new first-years!”
The doors opened and out came a small hoard of little eleven-year-olds, all of whom were looking around with mixed reactions of awe and anxiety and pride. James didn’t really pay attention to the sorting, just clapping when someone was put in his house. Afterall, who could expect him to pay attention when there was food promised at the end. As soon as the food appeared, he didn’t even pay attention to his friends… until Remus let out a quiet, little hiss of pain.
The other marauders instantly looked up. The girls apparently didn’t even hear it. Remus held his hand in the other and was looking at it in concern, so he didn’t even notice his friends turning to him. James, who was sitting next to Remus, took his hand (which Remus immediately protested but James be damned if he didn’t see what pained him).
There was a thin, pink blistering line across the side of Remus’ hand, almost like a burn mark.
“What in Morgana’s name?” James cursed, studying the burn.
Remus snatched his hand back. “It’s fine!”
“What happened?” Peter asked, unable to see.
“Remus got burned on something.” James explained.
“Moony!” Sirius leaned over the table to try to reach Remus’ hand but Remus pulled back.
“I’m fine !” Remus pressed. He was still cradling his hand. “I just wasn’t paying attention.”
“Paying attention to what?” Peter asked. “None of the dishes feel hot. How’d you get burned?”
“None of the dishes are hot.” Remus spat. James knew that Remus hated being fussed over, but bully for him because he befriended the most mother-hen kids in his house.
“Then how’d you get burned?”
“It’s silver.” Remus explained. Oh , James realised. Werewolves can’t touch silver. It burns them . “I wasn’t paying attention. I can smell it now.”
“Why are they silver? They weren’t last year.”
Sirius apparently asked that loud enough for the girls to hear because Marlene turned to them.
“Were you not listening to Dumbledore’s speech? Of course not.” Marlene sighed, rolling her eyes. “One of the parents made a generous donation and paid for all of the cutlery and shit to be replaced with real silver.”
“Of course.” Remus sighed. “Why not?”
“Why is it such a big deal?” Marlene asked.
“Nothing, Cherry.” Remus said. “It’s nothing.”
Marlene eyed them all suspiciously but turned back to the other girls.
“We’ll just have to be more careful now.” James said. “We’ll get your food now, Moony. No big deal.”
“It’s not just the silverware!” Remus complained. “There’s so much silver in this fucking castle.”
James knew Remus was in a bad mood now because a little of his accent came out and that only happened when he was 1) drunk, 2) tired, or 3) angry. Remus had once confessed to the marauders that he’d been copying their accent for years. His real accent was a weird mix of Welsh (because of his mam) and Cockney (because of where he grew up).
“What else is silver?” Sirius said, lowering his voice slightly.
“Nevermind.” Remus sighed, deflating. “Let’s just eat.”
Remus pulled his wand out of his sleeve and waved it at his silverware, casting the spell silently. James himself didn’t really notice the difference but Remus deemed it safe enough.
Though it was clear that the other three wanted to push, they had learned years ago that it was better to not push some things with Remus-- specifically ‘werewolf’ matters. So they just ate until Lily stood up and walked over to Remus.
“It’s time to lead the first-years.”
Remus stabbed his pudding with his fork, “Can’t we just give ‘em a map and let them figure it out themselves?”
Lily gave him a flat look.
“Yeah, yeah,” Remus rolled his eyes, standing up. “Beth bynnag. See you guys later.”
“The password is ‘Loud Hippogriff.” Lily told them. She turned and crossed her arms at Remus. “Where’s your badge, Remus?”
“Left it in my trunk.” Remus shrugged. Sirius, James, and Peter shared a look.
“Fine, but wear it next time please.” Lily said. “Come on! All first-years, follow me!”
As soon as they left, the remaining three marauders turned to each other.
“Did you see Lily’s badge?” James asked them.
“Silver.” The other two nodded.
“With what Moony said…” Peter bit his lip. “Do you think that his badge is silver too?”
“Why would Dumbledore knowingly send Moony silver though?” Sirius looked over to where their headmaster was sitting.
“Maybe he forgot?” James offered.
Sirius remained unconvinced though.
~ ~ ~
James wasted no time and immediately collapsed onto the couch in their signature spot in the Common Room. It had been their friend group’s spot since first year. It was right in front of the fireplace. There was a plush camelback and a weird combination of wing, lawson, and fanback armchairs all around the mahogany coffee table.
“Budge up,” Sirius sat straight onto the back of James’ legs.
“Oi!” James shot up, throwing Sirius to the floor.
“Christ, you lot are loud.” Remus said, joining them from the boy’s dormitory stairs.
“Ooh! Moony!” James exclaimed. He crawled up the side of the couch, resting his chin on his hands from where they laid on the arm of the sofa, so that he could see Remus walking towards them. “Can we see your prefect badge?”
Remus’ smile faltered. “Why?”
“We want to see it! Please!” Sirius crawled on top of James, resting his head on top of his.
“I’ll show you later.” Remus said, sitting in a wing armchair. “I don’t feel like getting it out of my trunk.”
“Wanna play chess, Moony?” Peter asked, already setting up the board on the coffee table from where he sat on the rug.
“You always beat me though.”
“So?”
“I’ll play with you, Pete.” James moved to the floor, using the sofa as a backrest. “Let Moony read.”
“Thank you.” Remus smiled, opening his book.
“Moony?”
Remus sighed. “Yes, Padfoot?”
“Do you have the map?”
“Yes.”
“Can I see it?”
With a sigh, Remus pulled the sacred parchment from inside his robes, passing it over.
“Merci, Moony.”
James watched as Sirius tapped the parchment with the tip of his wand. “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
“ ‘You checking on little Black?” James asked him.
Sirius’ face scrunched up. “Don’t call him that.”
“Why? His friends call you ‘Big Black’.”
“That’s because they’re knobs.”
“Whatever. How is he?” James asked, setting his head in his hand. “I know you’re checking on him.”
“He’s with his friends.” Sirius wrinkled his nose. “Rosier and Crouch.”
“They’re cool.” Peter shrugged, making his move. “I don’t know why you don’t like them so much.”
“ You only like them because they’re nice to you because you and Moony gave them weed last year.”
“And they gave us their contact.” Remus said wryly, still reading.
“Contact?” Sirius looked up.
“You know,” Peter shrugged. “A person that you buy weed or other stuff from.”
“Who is it?”
“His name is Xenophilius.”
“Bless you.” James said.
“No, that’s his name.” Peter laughed. “Xenophilius Lovegood. He’s a seventh-year Ravenclaw.”
“How do the Ravenclaws always have the best drugs?” Sirius grumbled.
“They’re friends with the Hufflepuffs.” Mary mused, joining them.
“How do the Hufflepuffs get them?”
“They grow them.” Mary smirked. “Remus?”
Remus looked up from his book. “Yes?”
Mary held up a joint between her fingers. “Astronomy tower?”
“Sure,” Remus stood up, taking Mary’s arm. “Let’s hurry though. Before Lily finds me.”
“Moony!” Sirius called. Remus turned. “You’re leaving us?”
“To get high with Mary? Yes.”
And they left.
“Boo. Traitor.” Sirius flopped back onto the couch. He lasted for two minutes. “I’m bored.”
“Wanna plan a prank?” James offered. He had already given up on the match. It was clear that Peter was going to win, per usual.
“Without Moony?” Sirius gave him a flat look. “They’d be trash.”
James remembered what he wanted to talk to Sirius about from back on the train.
“Hey, Pete?”
“Yes?”
“Sirius and I are going to go talk in the dorm. Is that okay?”
Peter sighed. “Sure, whatever. I’m going to go join Mary and Moony.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow at James but he ignored it, instead taking his best friend’s hands and leading him up the stairs to their dorm.
“What’s so important that Peter can’t hear?” Sirius asked as soon as James closed the door.
“Are you-” James cut himself off. You can’t just ask someone that, James . “Ugh!”
James began to pace the carpet in between their four beds.
“You okay?” Sirius asked. “You’re going to put skid marks into the rug.”
“I have to ask you something,” James started.
“Okay? Then ask.”
“But I don’t know if I can because I don’t know how you’ll react because I don’t know how you feel about this topic.”
“Okay?” Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Is it that bad?”
“How do you feel about gay people?” James burst out.
Sirius’ eyebrows shot up. “Wow! Not at all where I thought this conversation was going. At all .”
“I’m sorry,” James ran his hands through his hair. “But I didn’t know how you’d react.”
“React… to gay people?” Sirius frowned.
“Yes.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you’re gay?” Sirius scratched his head. “Because I’m pretty sure that you’re too far for Evans to like men, Prongsie.”
“Okay, first of all,” James stopped pacing to face Sirius, where he was sitting on his trunk. “You can like girls and boys-”
“No, you can’t.”
James blinked. “What?”
“You’re either normal or you’re dirty.” Sirius shrugged. “There’s no ‘both’.”
James tilted his head, trying to study his best friend a little better, and that’s when he realised: Sirius wasn’t actually as ‘nonchalant’ as he was trying to appear. He was wearing his ‘indifferent’/ ‘casual’ mask. James was normally quicker at spotting it but he was so nervous about asking Sirius that he didn’t notice. Sirius’ fingers were fidgeting, picking at the skin beside the nails. His eyes darted around; not enough to be noticeable, just a little more than usual. And, James could see the slight vein popping out of Sirius’ jaw. He was scared . Sirius Black was uncomfortable and frightened and so desperately trying to hide it.
He wasn’t disgusted by gay people. He was scared of being one. Probably due to his absolute shit of a mother.
“Sirius,” James started carefully. “Do you actually think that gay people are ‘dirty’ or is that what your mother thinks?”
“Why would I ever agree with my mother?!” Sirius snapped. He swallowed harshly, turning away from James and blinking harshly. “That bitch was wrong about everything!”
“Exactly.” James knelt in front of him. “She was wrong about muggle-borns and she’s wrong about queer people.”
Sirius’ mouth was still open, gaping slightly as if trying to breathe but not too heavily. “It’s okay?”
“Yeah, it’s normal .”
“Then, then…” Sirius bit his lip, still avoiding James’ eye. “Why is no one outwardly so? Why do they all hide it and cover it up?”
James sighed, “Because it’s the seventies. We’ve come far but still a lot of people don’t think that’s okay.”
“But it is?” Sirius almost pleaded. “Okay, I mean?”
“Yeah.” James smiled softly. “I would know, wouldn’t I?”
“Wait!” Sirius turned sharply to his best friend. “You’re gay?! But what about Lily?”
“I still like Lily.” James laughed. “I would like her even if she wasn’t a girl, if you know what I mean.”
Sirius’ brows furrowed together. “What do you mean?”
“I’m something called ‘Pansexual’.” James said, joining Sirius on the trunk.
“Pansexual?” Sirius parrotted.
“Yeah, it’s a newer term for an older concept.” James explained. “It means that I’m attracted to everyone, regardless of gender. Boy? Girl? It doesn’t matter to me.”
“I thought that was called something else.”
“You’re probably thinking of ‘Bisexual’.” James told him. “That means you’re attracted to both genders.”
“Okay.” Sirius nodded.
James so desperately wanted to ask Sirius if he was gay because he was so certain that Sirius had a crush on their favourite tawny-haired werewolf friend, but James could tell that this conversation had already been a lot for him and didn’t want to push his luck.
“Effie knows too, by the way.” James thought to mention. James knew that most of Sirius’ problems came from his mother. It was where almost all of Sirius’ doubts and insecurities came from. Having a good mother was a new and unsteady concept for him. James needed him to know that Effie wasn’t like that, wasn’t like Walburga. That he’d be safe and accepted in the Potter home by everyone.
Sirius looked up, eyes big. “Really?”
“I told her last summer.” James stood and walked over to his bed. “I thought you should know.”
“How’d she react?”
“She hugged me.” James smiled. “And told me that she knew all along.”
“Of course she did.” Sirius laughed wetly. “That’s Effie for you.”
“Indeed.”
That’s when Peter and Remus entered. Sirius automatically stood. Remus noticed.
“You okay?”
Sirius smiled, a true, genuine Sirius Black smile. “Yeah. I’m good. Really good.”
“Good.” Remus smiled back.
Good .