Fine Line
My back aches and my shoulders complain as I attempt to roll out of bed. I’m so sore from this past week that I think I can feel my muscles dying. But the fucking chores won’t do themselves and I have to get up. It’s been a whole seven days since we’ve come here, since I last used magic. I miss it so much. I’m not accustomed to a Muggle life. I’ve never had to make my own tea, carry my own things, or do anything without my wand.
Iris has been ignoring me for the most part. She avoided my eyes for at least two days since she ran in on me shirtless. I rather enjoyed the interaction to be quite honest. There isn’t much to do here when we do get a rare break, so I spend most of my time watching her work. She doesn’t use magic a whole lot, none of them really do. From time to time I’ll see Emily levitate something with her wand, or Iris fill a water trough magically. But they tend to do everything by hand and I, for the life of Merlin, cannot figure out why someone would choose to live this way. It’s ridiculous, not to mention inefficient. Who wouldn’t use magic if they could?
I find the way the Hearts live stupid and foolish. It’s beneath me and I detest everything about this place. Well, nearly everything. When Iris’s eyes meet mine, everything else seems to quiet for a minute. It’s like I care less about what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. I don’t know why she has this effect on me, and how I get rid of it. I am Draco fucking Malfoy, I don’t work. I don’t sleep in a horrible, dusty loft. And I don’t live like a Muggle.
Except for this summer, I do. I sigh, wishing I had taken Theo’s advice and just paid off our sentence. I really fucking regret saying everything would be fine. I’m a fucking idiot. I attempt to sit up and feel several twinges of pain in my lower back. Curse my fucking life.
“Theo?” I call, attempting to rouse my still-asleep roommate. He doesn’t move an inch. “Theo??” I ask again, a little louder. Still nothing. I pick up a pair of socks that lay on the floor, Theo’s not mine, and lob them at the back of his head. I’m rewarded with an annoyed grunt.
“Whatdoyouwant!” Theo slurs, half asleep.
“Wakey fucking wakey,” I snarl. “We have to be up, Iris said she had something extra for us to do after chores.”
“Well fuck what your girlfriend said,” Theo mumbles sleepily.
“She is NOT my girlfriend,” I retort. He doesn’t say anything.
“Theo I will fucking hex you if you don’t get your ass up,” I yell.
He grabs his pillow and chucks it at me, which I dodge easily.
“You can’t jackass, you need your wand for that, or have you forgotten?”
Fuck. He’s right. Theo, clearly satisfied, turns back over and pulls his blanket over his head. So, instead of hexing him, I settle for beating the shit out of him with his pillow he chucked at me. Theo lets out a strangled yell as I pummel him, but eventually does get up.
After chores, which we’ve actually quite gotten the hang of, Iris leads us over to the pony paddock in the front. A large section of the fence has been marked with pink tape. I frown at her.
Today, she wears a large muggle tee-shirt and jean shorts. I can see her whole bare thighs and I nearly choked on air this morning when she walked in. I know I shouldn’t let her affect me this way but fucking hell. Iris has a weird way of managing to make me forget my Pureblood mantra that has been drilled into me since birth. And I don’t know how. All I know is that she looks fucking hot dressed like this, with her hands on her hips. I’m sure my frown has turned to an idiotic smile at this point, thinking about her like this.
“This part of the fence has been marked off, the top two rails need to be redone. It shouldn’t take too long with all three of you,” Iris explains.
“Three of us?” Theo asks, looking at her confusedly.
“Good morning all!” I look around and see the farm hand, Sebastian, making his way over to us. He isn’t wearing a shirt and I hear a small sputtering noise from my left. I look over to find Theo staring, his jaw dropped lower than the Gringotts vaults. He gapes at Sebastian as he saunters up to us, grinning at Theo. I see my friends’ eyes slide down Sebastian frames and he attempts to breathe normally. A sudden thought occurs to me and I whirl around, staring at Iris intently.
She looks completely normal, not a hint of blush on her cheeks. She smiles at Sebastian but it is completely friendly and she doesn’t even blink or look down. Her reaction to Sebastian without a shirt is completely different from her reaction to seeing me without one. An unanticipated wave of relief rushes through me. I blink and attempt to push off whatever the fuck that was. Why the hell do I care what her reaction to another bloke shirtless is? I don’t care. Not one bit.
In fact I should be worrying more about Theo cause I don’t think he’s breathed in a full sixty seconds. I stand in front of him and snap my fingers in front of his face.
“Hello? Earth to Theo??”
“I.. yeah what?” Theo glares at me dazedly, as though I’ve interrupted his participation in the first ever Wizengamot trial. “Oh uh right, the fence.”
Iris caught my eye. She jerked her head at Theo and raised her eyebrow. I just shrugged. I know. Iris knows. But Theo doesn’t, and that means I can’t say anything. Iris suppresses a smile and for the first time since coming here, I feel comfortable. Our eyes meet again and the world slows down once more. My heart skips a beat as I stare into her bright blue gaze.
“Well I should let you guys get on, I have gardening work to do,” she explains, not breaking eye contact. Theo is already working, pulling boards over to the fence line. Iris lingers for a moment longer before turning towards the fence. She waves her hand once and all the screws in the boards untighten. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to her for that. Thank fucking Merlin.
“That should help,” Iris shoots me a small smile and I nod my head in thanks.
Theo, Sebastian, and I work all day and well into the evening on the fence. Theo uses me as a buffer between him and the farm-hand, much to my chagrin. However, I learn as we work, Sebastian isn’t entirely bad company. He helps with explaining things we don’t understand and I find myself reluctantly enjoying working with him. Theo doesn’t speak a word to him, and I think Sebastian notices since every time he attempts to speak with Theo, he just walks in the other direction. I try to play it off as Theo being focused but I don’t think Sebastian buys it. He keeps glancing at Theo, and when we finally call it a day and go in for dinner, having only finished half the fence, I see Sebastian jog up next to Theo and attempt to start a conversation. Theo looks around wildly and hurries away, leaving Sebastian looking confused.
“What’s his fucking problem?” Sebastian asks, his thick Irish accent prevalent.
“I don’t know, he’s not good at making new friends,” I respond. I don’t want to give away too much.
Theodore Nott is my best friend in the whole world and I won’t jeopardise that for anything, even if it’s for his own happiness. I’ve known Theo for years and we’ve been through everything together. I would die for him.
And I would rather die than see him go through what he’s gone through again. Theo is the bravest and strongest person I know and I will protect him for the rest of my life. If anyone can claim to have been forced to act in the war, it’s Theo.
I gesture for Sebastian to go inside without me and slump into a chair on the porch. My mind wanders to the guilt, to the worst of the worst of the war.
I hadn’t done enough, I know that now. Maybe some part of me had wanted absolution and had lied, saying I’d helped. But I hadn’t. Theo had come to me in our sixth year, and I had pushed him away. Telling him I had my own problems and that it wasn’t my job to run interference between him and his own father. Theo hadn’t bothered me after that. Until the end of the year when I fled with the Death Eaters from Hogwarts and had come home to find Theo beaten half to death, his face bloodied and bruised, clutching his side on our marble floors. Mother had chewed me out for ignoring a friend in need and Father had expressed that he would not do anything to anger his good friend Quincy Nott. I hated him at that moment, but no more than I hated myself. If I had listened, perhaps I would’ve saved Theo from the torture his father had put him through. But I hadn’t listened, and I didn’t listen to my own guilt as my father explained why we couldn’t help Theo, why we had to keep our heads down.
And so we returned Theo to his father. And Theo nearly died every time he refused a mission or any time his father simply had too much to drink. Because of me.
I stand up suddenly, I can’t sit here anymore thinking about this. Waves of guilt, sorrow, and pain crash over me and I run. I race off the porch and just run. I find myself tearing past the house and running towards the small lake and the weeping willow tree. Tears burn in my eyes as I bolt past the lake. My feet pound into the ground and my breath comes in great gasps. My chest tears with guilt. I can’t focus on anything as my vision blurs with tears and I collapse onto the ground underneath the willow tree. I sob quietly, pulling my knees to my chest. I feel sick. I don’t want to relive this anymore.
I spend another several minutes shaking before I get my breathing back under control. I remind myself that Theo is fine, that he is inside right now, and that his father is in Azkaban. Far away from us. Perhaps I should be grateful for our punishment, as it provides an escape for Theo from his past.
The same cannot be said for me. I skip dinner and head straight to bed, turning off the light before Theo comes in so we don’t have to talk. As I climb into bed, I hear a tap on the window. I look around and find an owl sitting expectantly on the window sill. In comparison to everything else, she looks so prim and proper, not a feather out of place. I hurry to open the window and let her in. The owl flutters over to my bed rail and perches, sticking out her leg. I take the letter from her, vaguely watching her fly out the window, no doubt going to hunt.
I frown at the seal on the parchment. It’s the Malfoy signet, this letter is from my parents. I open the letter and begin to read.
Dearest Draco, We hope this letter reaches you in good health. As we have been informed, you have started your Ministry-ordered atonement. We wish you luck with this and graciously thank you for doing your part to reform our image in the eye of the public. We have arranged a meeting with Lord Greengrass to discuss potential marriages between you and his daughter. We hope to keep in good standing with those not involved with the Dark Lord’s regime and to do that, we must all make sacrifices. We shall need to hash out details properly later, but it seems you are getting married upon your return. We hope to see you soon.
Best of luck,
Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy.
P.S. We miss you Draco.
I stare down at the letter. It’s bloody obvious who wrote the first part and who wrote the post note. I close my eyes for a second, thinking of home. It seems so far away, like a lifetime that happened centuries ago. Thinking about returning to that life seems strange, but not uninviting. The idea of an arranged marriage however, is uninviting. I roll my eyes and shove the letter under my pillow, choosing to ignore it for now.
Theo spends a great deal of the next day whining about having to work with Sebastian again. I put up with it for the majority of the morning, but after a while I can’t take it anymore.
“Shut the fuck up Theo.”
Theo sobers up after that and we work on the fence. Doing all of this by hand is fucking hard. We have to take the existing boards off, and then nail new ones on with no magic. My arms ache from carrying the boards down the fence line and I’m pretty sure my arms are littered with splinters. Sebastian instructs us to lift another board. As we raise it, Theo stumbles and crashes forward. I’m behind him so I catch the board before it falls on his head. He flails, ending up falling straight into Sebastian. They topple over, banging hard into the ground. Sebastian lets out a grunt as Theo lands on top of him, his arms shooting out and pushing himself up so he hovers over Sebastian. Theo’s hands splay on either side of Sebastian’s face, and they both freeze.
Sebastian swallows slowly, his eyes travelling over Theo’s face. His lips part. I can’t see Theo’s face but I’ve never seen my friend stay more still. They stay in this position for several more seconds before Sebastian raises his eyebrows at Theo, looking down his body. Theo jumps into action, raising himself off of the ground instantly and whipping around. His eyes meet mine and I’m surprised to see he’s angry.
“What the fuck Draco? Did you push me?”
“WHAT?” I cannot believe my ears. “You fucking idiot, you can’t be serious, you’re fucking taking the mickey..”
“You pushed me!”
“Oh come off it!” I yell, incensed. I know Theo isn’t ready to come to terms with his sexuality but this is a whole other level of delusional.
“Hey, it was no one’s fault, and besides, I don’t mind you on top of-” Sebastian attempts to mediate but Theo promptly storms off before he can finish his sentence.
“Fucking Salazar!” I yell angrily. Sebastian’s eyes widen and he looks at me in confusion but I’m so fucking pissed I don’t have time to coddle his feelings. I march off angrily in the opposite direction of Theo, heading towards the lake.
The sun beats down on my neck and I stretch my arms. My fingers flex and the glint of silver on my middle finger catches my attention. For some reason, I hadn’t taken off my ring. It’s been passed down in my family for centuries, certainly priceless. And here I am, doing hard labour while wearing it. What a fucking disappointment.
I walk over to the willow tree, parting the hanging branches slowly and stepping into the cool shade. Everything seems to clear within my head as soon as I get out of the sun. This place is like a secret sanctuary, one I’m sure I will be returning to many times over the course of the summer. I let out a deep breath and glance around for a spot to sit. I spot something I didn’t see while I was here last night. To be fair, I was having a full on panic attack about the same git I nearly strangled two minutes ago. A large stone bench sits to the left of the tree. The marble is polished but vines wrap around the legs. There’s an engraving etched into the stone surface but I can’t make out the words. I collapse onto the bench, letting out a sigh of relief as my aching arms come into contact with the cool stone. I close my eyes and picture a happy and calming scenario- like leaving this place and never coming back.
“Um what the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”
My eyes shoot open and I see Iris approaching me, her arms crossed. She bears a confused frown on her face and I see something like sadness flash in her blue eyes.
“Uh I’m having a rest, what are you doing?”
“Get off! Go away!!!” she screams. I blink rapidly.
“What?? What the fuck is your problem?” I seethe.
“I SAID GET OFF!” She yells with the ferocity of a Quidditch announcer. Given her tiny frame and kind disposition I’m surprised at the fierceness she displays now.
I shoot to my feet, looking at her with my mouth open.
“Go away!!” she shouts again, but this time I see tears spilling from her eyes.
“Iris, what is wrong, what did I do??”
“Get the fuck out, before I hex you.” Iris has pulled out her wand. I stare down at it, she’s got to be fucking kidding.
“What is happening, I don’t understand, if you could just-”
“That is my mother’s grave you stupid, entitled, arrogant, pompous ASS!!”
Oh. Shit. I look down at the writing, squinting to see the small letters. I can’t make out much but I do see two dates etched near the top.
“I said GET AWAY!”
All of the sudden I’m sailing through the air, screaming in alarm. The air whooshes past me and I scramble to make sense of my surroundings. Before I can figure out where the hell I am, I slam into water. Cold and wet. Water fills my lungs and I sputter momentarily. Then I break the surface of the water and I flail around, gasping. Eventually I manage to keep my head above the water and I see Iris standing on the shore, glowering at me.
“How fucking dare you,” I growl as I swim towards her, easily standing and walking out of the water quickly. I see Iris’s eyes momentarily flick down to my shirt and realise it’s soaked and consequently transparent. But then she raises her chin and stares defiantly at me. “Do you have any idea who I am? You’ll fucking regret that.”
“Your make-believe status isn’t important here you prick,” she snarls.
Perhaps it’s the nonchalance with which she dismisses my entire belief system, or it’s the fact that she just threw me into the lake, but I snap. Pure anger fills my veins and I hurl my insults at her.
“And what would you know about status, you insignificant little mud-blood lover? You are more pathetic than your stupid animals if you think for a second it does not matter who I am. I’m Draco motherfucking Malfoy and you WILL regret this.” I glare at her, pinning her with a look of loathing. She shivers slightly and I run my tongue over my teeth.
Before she can get a word in, I storm off. I’m soaking wet now, but at least I am cooler than before. I growl in frustration as I barrel into the barn and up to the loft for a change of clothes.
Iris ignores me for the rest of the day. She’s bitter and angry during dinner and I don’t care one fucking bit. Whatever enchantment she had me under before has long since worn off. I do not want to even be around her anymore. Now that some time has passed, I can understand her initial reaction to where I had been sitting. But she took it too far by attempting to drown me basically and by insulting me for no reason. I will not apologise for what I didn’t know. And I hadn’t known. I had often wondered where their mother was. Their father I haven’t even met, I don’t even think he lives here. But now I know. I assume her name was Abigail, hence the last flower pot in the kitchen.
After a tense dinner, filled with angry glares from both Theo and Iris in my direction, I head out for a break. I find myself heading back towards the willow tree, even though I know that’s probably the last place I should be going. As I part the tree branches once more, I notice soft fireflies dancing near the edge of the lake. They make a beautiful reflection in the water and I can’t help but marvel at their beauty. Smiling softly, I head under the tree and walk over to the bench. This time, I crouch down and read the words engraved there.
Abigail Heart
1964-1996
I sigh. She had died recently. I’m such an ass.
“What are you doing here?”
I whip around, raising my hands defensively. Iris stares at me and I get intense deja vu to this morning. However this time, she’s not angry and her eyes are red and puffy.
“I’m sorry, really I’m sorry, I was just curious… I wanted to know more,” I say softly. She looks up at me and I see her eyes brimming with tears. “I didn’t know,” I add. Her lip trembles.
“I know,” she replies shakily. “I’m sorry about earlier.” Her lip wobbles again and she bites it. A tear slips down her cheek.
“Don’t cry,” I say, hurrying forward. I stop short of her and she has to raise her head to look at me.
We stay like that for several minutes. Just staring. I look down at her, studying each freckle on her nose. She gazes into my eyes, sometimes her own shining with tears and other times, filled with something I can’t quite describe. And the world is quiet. Eventually a cricket chirps and startles us both. We break from our reverie and I step back. I give her a friendly nod and turn to leave.
I stop as I feel her hand shoot out and grab mine. I turn back and look at her. Iris’s eyes are wide and full of… something. I can’t tell.
“Come with me. I wanna show you something.”
We walk outside the shadow of the tree to a fully dark sky. The stars shine brightly above us and there’s a soft breeze that rustles around the farm. The lake reflects the moon’s reflection. Iris walks to the edge and pulls out her wand. I stop quickly.
“Are you going to try and drown me again?” I ask, a hint of trepidation in my voice.
“No,” she laughs, “and I’m sorry about that. I really just want to show you something.”
I nod and walk up next to her. I stare at the surface of the lake, confused. Then she speaks softly.
“Stellae revelare draconis.”
Suddenly the lake’s reflection changes. Ripples flash across the surface and it’s as though someone zoomed in on the night sky. A particular array of stars twinkles on the lake’s reflection as the small waves settle and Iris beams at me.
“It’s you. It’s Draco,” she whispers, pointing to a cluster of stars near us. My eyes widen.
“That’s incredible magic. How did you do that?” I ask, shocked.
“My mother taught me,” she responds sadly. My heart drops a bit and I feel the overwhelming urge to comfort her.
“She was a Half-Blood right?” I ask. She turns to me, a retort already evident on her lips, but I cut her off. “She was damn clever, clearly something she’s passed on to you.”
Iris’s eyes shine with tears. She closes her mouth and turns back to stare at the lake. We stand there, side by side. Neither one of us say anything. We just stare at the stars.