Paying My Dues

Theo 

 I tend to spend most of my time being truthful. Sure, I’ll tell a white lie here and there. But I’m an honest man if nothing else. So I can’t help but remark that my best friend has become a complete idiot.

He acts like we are in fifth year, like this punishment isn’t the fucking torture we both agreed was far beneath us. He enjoys himself, choosing to wake up and spend time with her. Her. He is so fucking besotted, he doesn’t even think of anything else. I could drop dead in front of him and he’d still be staring, doe-eyed, at her.

I have no issues with Iris but she’s part of our punishment, the family that is using us for free labour essentially. I have no idea what drew Draco to her. She’s not special, not entirely outstanding, not particularly clever, and certainly not rich. But for some reason, Draco Malfoy cannot stop staring at her. He laughs at her jokes, offers to help her carry heavy things, and I see him sometimes just looking at her without her seeing.

A switch had flipped after their argument. Draco had recounted everything to me, breathless like a schoolgirl that night. I had listened to his story, and had privately thought to myself how impressed he sounded by her magic.

I’d agreed it was interesting but Draco went on about it for practically ten minutes. And then the next morning, the way he acted around her was completely different. Almost like he was nervous to be near her. He’d fiddled with his shirt sleeves and blushed when she looked at him. Like a fucking fourteen year old, he’d silently celebrated when he got to work with her and jumped at the chance to be near her.

I grew sick of watching him pine after her, something I wouldn’t have thought possible for Draco, not with all his prejudice and purity bullshit. I’m not even sure he himself knows exactly what he feels for her or how deep it runs.

Draco is an enigma, he’s simultaneously the kindest and cruellest person I know. He exhibits incredible selflessness for his family and friends. And he can be incredibly unkind and obnoxious as well. I won’t lie, I’m not much better but hey, I had a physically abusive father. If I didn’t agree with his values, I didn’t breathe.

I know Draco doesn’t see it because if he did, he would back out. He wouldn’t let himself be entrapped by her. I realise perhaps th​at telling him might be the best course of action. If he could just get through the summer, we’ll be free of this stupid farm forever.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

“AH!” I yell, dropping the large bundle of firewood on my foot. I curse and hop on the spot, very dignifiedly. “What the fuck are you doing sneaking up on people like that??” I demand of Sebastian.

“I called your name twice, you gobshite.”

“Oh. Well I didn’t hear you,” I reply shortly. I’m already irritated and something about Sebastian just gets on my nerves. Like whenever he’s around, my whole nervous system gets on edge and I can’t ever relax around him. I don’t have the patience to deal with Sebastian right now, but unfortunately I am stuck with him. We were ordered to go collect firewood for this supposed bonfire we’re doing tonight. Draco was all fucking jazzed about going, and I am being forced to attend.

“Where are we supposed to put this shit?” I gesture to the ring of rocks and barrel dug into the ground.

“Right here,” Sebastian replies, dumping his armful onto the ground. I follow suit and he straightens his suspenders, watching me. I feel a flutter of annoyance in my stomach, like incensed butterflies.

“Well that’s it, I guess I’ll go back-”

“Are you coming tonight?”

Sebastian grabs my arm, his grip firm and sure. I stare down at his hand for a moment before ripping my arm from his.

“Coming where??”

“The bonfire..” he asks sheepishly. He glances around at our location.

“Oh right. Draco’s making me come, fucking git,” I reply.

“Ah. Well I’ll save you a drink and-”

“There’s gonna be drinks?? No one told me that,” I grin. A slow smile spreads over Sebastian’s face. Thank Merlin there will be alcohol, it just might make all of this bearable.

“You have a nice smile.” He reaches his hand up near my face as he speaks.

I splutter. Because what? What did he just say to me?? I take a panicked step back, my shoes sending small pebbles everywhere as I hastily retreat. I see his face quickly morph into a concerned frown.

“Where are you-”

But I turn as fast as I can and sprint back the way we came, towards the barn. I can barely discern him calling out for me as I make my way past the open barn doors, stopping when I see Iris and Draco perched on a hay bale in the hallway. She is giggling, while he smiles playfully. They sit close together, their legs practically touching. Iris’s brown hair is tucked into a bun today with several tendrils waving around her face, and I notice Draco watching one near him.

“It isn’t quite like that, Hogwarts has much more- Oh hey Theo,” Draco gives me a nod, finally noticing me. Iris waves brightly to me, her unwavering optimism ever present.

“I’m going up,” I say curtly, brushing past them. As I trudge up the stairs, I see Draco frown in my peripheral. He looks as though he wants to say something, but I disappear before I give him the chance.

I collapse onto the bed, exhausted and drained from the day. I am looking forward to this bonfire about as much as one looks forward to a Stinging Hex. My muscles ache. I hate being forced to wake up early, I hate being forced to fucking work before I’ve eaten, and I hate fucking working with Sebastian. Everything about him makes me irrationally angry. I can’t stand being around him, and it’s even worse that he manages to worm his way into my thoughts as well. Because for some time now, I can’t help but be curious about him, even though he annoys me so. Where does he sleep? Why does he work here? And why did he say I had a nice smile? And why did it make me feel so… strange?

The thoughts tumble through my mind, one after the other. I think of nothing else but the way in which he spoke to me, fixating on all the times I’ve seen him watching me while we work. And the other day when we fell and I ended up… on top of him.

The angry butterflies in my stomach roar, and I take a shaky breath. A fresh wave of irritation flows through me, accompanied by the desire to push him as hard as I can into a wall. I have never met someone who is able to get on my nerves so easily. Everything about Sebastian makes me want to run away and get closer at the same time.

I hear the door opening as Draco makes his way up the stairs, no doubt about to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.

“You alright mate?” he asks, leaning against the doorframe.

I roll my eyes. “Just peachy,” I reply sarcastically.

“Look, I know you’re not thrilled about this party thing tonight, but it might be fun. We haven’t had a chance to blow off steam since we got here and, well there will be alcohol and Iris will be there-”

“That’s more of a plus for you than me,” I point out moodily.

“What?” He looks at me, confused.

“Never mind,” I say irritably. Idiot doesn’t even know he has a crush. Draco frowns at me.

“Well are you coming?”

“Coming where?”

“To the fucking bonfire??”

“Fine. Fine!” I yell angrily, getting up. He rolls his eyes before disappearing back downstairs.

I care so fucking little about this goddamn party that I spend an extra ten minutes dragging my feet to leave our ever-so-cosy room. Once I finally bring myself down the stairs and head out of the barn, I see everyone gathered around the fire pit to the left. The night air is cool and relaxing, and everyone seems jovial. Everyone except me.

I walk over to the group. Emily sits in a rickety wooden chair, sipping a drink. Mr. Heart sits next to her, holding a beer. Next to them are several bales of hay. Draco sits on the one nearest the fire. Iris sits beside him, holding a drink. Draco’s hands are clasped as he leans forward, smiling. He’s listening to Iris with rapt attention, and they sit awfully close together. She smiles at Draco while she talks, her eyes remaining fixed on his.

I look over the fire and see Sebastian sitting on a lone hay bale, looking solemn. He raises his head and then our eyes meet. I see a flicker of relief pass over his face. I inadvertently scowl and choose my seat, a rickety bench next to Sebastian’s hay bale. I sit as far away as possible and keep my eyes fixed on the dancing flame in front of me.

“Can I get you anything to drink Theodore?” asks Emily politely.

“Whiskey. Neat,” I reply shortly. She hands over my drink and I nurse it while everyone else chats.

Sebastian is noticeably more cheerful now, and he laughs along to Mr. Heart’s stories. It’s a wonder no one has dived face first into the fire to avoid hearing them, if you ask me. I know I’m in an extra foul mood tonight, a vast amount of my usual cheeriness is depleted.

“So, you were top of your year?”

I look up to find Iris watching Draco intently. They’re sitting even closer together now if that’s possible. He turns slightly to her and studies her for a moment before speaking.

“Yes, behind one other student.”

“So you must be very magically talented,” Iris says, leaning forward. She seems a tad tipsy.

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” Draco corrects quickly. I blink in surprise. What a lie, Draco is probably the smartest wizard in our year. It’s not like him not to brag about his many many achievements such as this.

“And what about you?” Draco murmurs softly. “Who taught you to do amazing magic like the lake?”

Iris blushes under his gaze and begins fiddling with a strand of her hair.

“It is not amazing, it is just traditional,” she corrects with a nod. “You were taught duelling magic and spells, I was taught everyday things.”

Draco tips his chin up before taking a sip of his drink.

“And is there any of this more traditional magic that I should be learning?”

Their eyes meet and I see it. The spark pass between them. Iris leans forward slightly and Draco’s gaze drops down to her lips. They are practically less than a foot apart now, unaware of the fact that everyone is still here around them. If Draco kisses her right here in front of everyone, I’ll fucking scream. He’s known her for a week and a half, at most.

He leans forward and I shoot to my feet.

“I’m gonna grab some more firewood,” I say bluntly. Draco looks round at me, confused. I avoid his gaze and end up glancing at Sebastian. He frowns, his eyes darting back and forth between Draco and I.

I turn and walk away angrily. I’m sick of this. I miss my house, I miss my home. I miss my magic and my house elves and I am fucking sick of being in this place. I don’t want to be here one more second. I storm past the wood pile, not even bothering to stop and pretend to be getting more. My anger takes me all the way past the house, past the fences, and into the dense woods that surrounds the property.

The night sky is dark now and I can barely see where I’m going. I stumble around for a bit until I find the stump of a massive tree. It reaches as high as my torso and I hop onto it, sitting comfortably and sinking my head into my hands.

All of the frustration and exhaustion of today washes over me once again. I am fucking tired. I sigh, pausing when I hear the crack of branches.

“Lumos.”

My eyes snap open as light flares six feet from me, revealing Sebastian carrying his wand and staring at me.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” I yell incensed, immediately jumping to the ground.

“I wanted to check on you… you seemed upset,” he says calmly. Merlin I wanna strangle him. “I just-”

“What? You thought that you’d come out here?? Follow me?? Fucking Merlin you are SO annoying!!” I scream. He blinks taken aback.

“I- yes, I wanted to make sure that… Theodore I thought that-”

“DON’T!” I yell furiously, taking a step closer to him. “Don’t fucking call me that and don’t fucking follow me, you fucking annoy me so much.”

“I do? Really? Because from the way you act around me, I thought I made you nervous!” he shouts back, crossing his arms.

“NERVOUS?!” I almost laugh. “Ha, what the fuck reason would I have for being nervous around YOU?” I snarl, taking another step forward to jab my finger accusingly at him.

“Because I thought…. I thought you were- ya know…”

His voice trails off and he avoids my gaze. It takes me a second to put together what he’s trying to suggest.

“Don’t. You. Dare. Presume. That.” I say in a low and dangerous voice.

“Look Theodore, if you are, it’s okay, I just thought that maybe you were into-”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE CALL ME ONE OF THEM!!” I scream, stepping up. I yell in his face, anger and frustration coming off of me in waves. “I don’t- that way of- I’m not like that!!”

“Seriously Theodore? You can’t be that far in denial!” he cries, throwing his hands up.

“I’m not in denial about anything!! I simply don’t appreciate you mistaking my intense dislike for you as anything else and jumping to these presumptuous conclusions-”

“You’re talking too fucking much,” he growls.

The next thing I know, his lips are crashing into mine. He grabs both sides of my face and pulls me as close as he can, kissing me hard. My eyes widen but my body seems to know exactly what to do and Sebastian seems to know precisely what I need. His hands run through my hair and he backs us up until my back hits the stump of the tree. His wand has fallen on the forest floor, making everything shadowy and dark. His lips are warm and soft. Sebastian kisses me hard, our mouths moving in sync. After a heavenly minute, he breaks the kiss and his left hand travels down to my waist. I can’t hold back the small whimper that leaves me as his hand traces the hem of my shirt.

“Theodore… you taste fucking delicious..” he murmurs.

And that’s when my brain starts working again. This is wrong. This is so wrong. I don’t want this. I’m not like that.

“Get off!” I yell, pushing Sebastian hard. He stumbles backwards, blinking dazedly. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” I scream.

“What is- Oh. Theodore no, no it’s okay-”

“Stay the fuck away from me, you freak!!!” I hurl the words at him before turning and sprinting as fast as I can out of the woods and towards the barn.

The tears blur my vision as my fathers’ voice echoes in my ears, running away from the only person that’s been able to make me forget about missing home.