Chapter 30; February 1st, 1975
It's been almost a month. They're together, but they’re fighting constantly, but at least they’re talking again.
Sirius, James, and Peter worked out whatever ‘man period’ they were all having. They’re all back to normal.
But Remus.
Things didn’t get better.
He’s been acting weird when they aren't fighting, and they start fighting over every little thing. Remus has been getting jealous easier, always picking a fight. Sirius is getting fed up.
They're fighting again. Sirius doesn't even know why, but Remus is yelling at him, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.
“Moony…”
“I'm still talking. Don’t interrupt me!”
“Sorry.”
“All i'm asking is why you’re around him so much!”
“He’s my best friend.”
“You’re around him more than me!”
“Because you’ve been like this! Honestly Remus what the fuck is wrong with you right now!”
They’ve been going back and forth like this for at least an hour, nothing changing much, until Remus fully lost it.
“If you don’t wanna be with me than just fucking say that!” Remus bit out.
“Remus…” Sirius paused for a minute, looking down for a second. “You know I don't want that. I only want you, I promise. It’s only you, and it only ever will be…where’d you get the idea that I don't want you anymore?” His tone was softer, calmer, a pit forming in his stomach as the dread set in, he knew where this was going, but he didn’t want it to be true.
“Maybe I don't.” Remus was quieter now, not looking at him anymore.
“What do you mean…Moony please.”
“Maybe this was a bad idea in the first place. We never should've gotten together. We aren't right.”
“Please.” Sirius was barely audible, a broken whisper as he pleaded. This was a dream. It had to be…there's no way it’s not. They were made for eachother, weren't they? They’re supposed to last forever.
But that was it. Remus got up and left the room. They’re done, and Sirius didn’t have a choice.
He’s stopped showing up for lessons, barely showering, barely eating. He’s cried so much he physically can’t anymore. He’s just tired, so insanely fucking tired. He was so sad, so far in depression that it physically hurt, but he also couldn't feel anything. He was just existing, and barely at that. He hated himself more than he ever has before, and he hated Remus, but not really. Everything sucked, he was numb, letting himself rot and fall apart, not having the energy to do anything to fix it.
James tries, he really does. He brings Sirius food from dinner and tries to help him with homework, but Sirius is so deep into this pit that he put himself in that nothing gets through to him.
He doesn't even feel human anymore. Everything he does feels robotic. He feels empty, so far in his head he can't even hear his thoughts. It's just silence. It’s all it ever is. He hates it, but it's nice in a way. No one needs him for anything, no one bothers him, other than James. He misses Remus, but he’s accepted it. The weather is getting nicer again, warmer at least, not exactly nice though.
He’s been like this for almost two months. Tomorrow is the beginning of April.
Maybe he does need to fix this. At least fix himself.