Chapter 29; January 13th, 1975
They’re fighting. It’s stupid really. Moony’s been a bit more pissy lately, but the moons tonight. He has a pass.
It’s been two weeks since Sirius brought up Aiyanna. Obviously it kinda shocked everyone and first, but Sirius hasn’t mentioned her since. Sometimes he wishes he didn't. His friends have been more careful around him since he told them. Part of him wants to lie, to say that Aiyanna never existed and it was just some really fucked up dream they all had at the same time and they were just oddly lucid. He knows that won’t work, but he wishes it would.
He was laying in his bed. It was cold. There was snow on the ground outside, and gryffindor tower is getting the worst of it right now, or maybe Sirius is sick. He can’t be sick though. Not with exams this close.
James, Remus, and Peter were all out somewhere. All of them are mad at him. He doesn't know if he’s going to the shack tonight with them. No one will talk to him for long enough for him to ask.
He got bored around an hour ago and built a fort around his bed. His corner was completely closed off from the rest of the room, and honestly really really nice.
It somehow made his space feel bigger. The bright colored blankets, and the flags and bandanas he magically fuzed together made it feel safer in a way, less like a fort and more like a room. He had fairly lights along the top to light up the space, his bed in the middle of it all.
He had all of his stuff in this little ‘room’ he created, liking the isolation a little more than he probably should. As far as he knows it's not against the rules to self-isolate.
None of his roommates knew he did this, but why would they care, they’re being assholes anyways.
It’s been a few hours now. Sirius skipped dinner. He’s been laying on the floor playing with his necklace and watching the stars he charmed on the ceiling. None of his roommates have been back at the dorm, and he doesn't have the map so he can't find out where they are.
It wasn’t fair really, for them to be as mad as they are. Yeah Sirius kept an important part of his life secret, but he had to. He didn't have much of a choice. He had to keep it a secret to keep his parents happy. He can’t go against them as much as he pretends he does, especially after what happened during christmas. He doesn't want to take any chances and have to go back. He still hasn't heard anything saying he's disowned, which can only mean that they still need him. They still need an heir after all.
He has his record player on. It’s fairly loud, but he likes it that way. Keeping the music loud like that calms him down, keeps his thoughts quiet. It’s nice.
He didn’t end up going to the shack that night. He felt bad, his stomach knotted in guilt, but they were mad at him, he doesn't even really know why, but they're all being weird. It’s easier to shut himself down and avoid them all completely.
James and Peter came back in the morning, not saying a word to Sirius. Remus wasn’t back yet, probably in the hospital wing still.
It’s a sunday, there’s no lessons or trips or anything planned. He has the day to himself, rotting in his dread, a sense of longing hiding behind the anger. He’s losing himself again, and he doesn't have Aiya to pull him out of it this time, the way she always did, the way no one else has been able to.
He laid in his bed, staring at his canopy. The fort was still off, the record player was soft in the background. His limbs feel heavy and even the thought of moving made his head hurt. He needed Moony. They haven't talked in almost a week. They haven't gone this long without talking since they met. They were losing it, losing each other, and it hurt, physically.