Every Scar Has Its Secrets

“Padsss.” James complained. “Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you can sleep all day.”

Remus rolled over and pulled the blankets over his head.

“Fuck off Prongs.” Sirius mumbled.

“We have lessons. You don’t get the day off just because it’s your birthday” James opened their curtains.

“But I'm 15, isn’t that an important number?”

“No.”

Peter sighed loudly from across the room. “Sirius, James is shagging your brother.” He yelled.

“Good for him. Always knew Reggie was a bit of a whore. James, if you hurt him I'll kill you.” Sirius shrugged, moving closer to Remus.

“Fuck. Well, I'm awake now. Sirius you gotta get up too.” Remus smiled, rolling over again.

“Fuck you.”

“It’s usually the other way around, I'll switch it up for your birthday though.” He smiled again.

“Its seven in the fucking morning, if y’all fuck right now I’ll throw myself out the window.” Peter added. Remus laughed and got up.

“Happy birthday pads.” He kissed him before he got out of bed.

“I hate all of you.” Sirius mumbled, putting on one of Remus’s sweaters before getting up.

“Love you too babes!” Remus yelled from the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“Sirius, I swear to whatever gods are out there if you start talking about how pretty he is.” James said loudly, clearly annoyed.

“What? I wasn’t going to.” Sirius answered, crossing his arms.

“You had that look in your eyes. You were gonna say it.” James shrugged.

By the time they got to the third chorus of happy birthday in the great hall, Sirius was already done with the day. He knows it's hypocritical, hating his own birthday, but making all of his friends birthdays seem like the most important day in the world. He knows he does the same thing for them on their birthdays, but it's different when it's you.

Remus sat down behind him, taking James’s normal spot, and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“I love you.” He whispered into Sirius’s ear.

“I love you too.”

“Happy birthday.”

“Shut up.”

Remus nodded and pulled him closer, leaning against Sirius’s back.

“You alright?” He asked, grabbing his hand.

“Yeah. I’m alright. Don’t like my birthday very much though.” Sirius shrugged.

“I’ll make this one special, yeah? We can do whatever you want. I’ll make it the best birthday you’ve had. That way you’ll have good memories, and the bad ones get buried down until they aren’t as noticeable, and maybe next year, or a few years from now, you’ll like your birthday, because the good memories overpower it all.”

Sirius smiled and handed him a muffin. “You seem so sure about that. What if it doesn't work like that?”

“It will.” He smiled, taking a bite of the muffin. “Trust me.”

“Fine. What’re we doing?”

Remus sat up a little straighter. “Lessons first, we have a few tests today, so we can’t bunk off. After that, uhm, I can get a little picnic thing set up in that one spot of the woods that I know you like, James and Peter could go with us too if you want them there. We could watch the sunset and I'll get some snacks. And then after maybe we could go up to the astronomy tower, you could tell me the mythology stories behind the stars and constellations out tonight. I’ve seen the notes you’ve written on them, it seems interesting. And once James and Peter are asleep it can be just the two of us. It's close to the moon. I know you like it more around now.” He set down the muffin and put a hand on Sirius’s thigh.

“Damn Moony, you said something special, but I didn’t know you had the whole day planned.” He leaned back into him more, kissing his jaw softly.

“I didn’t. Thought of all that as I said it. Should we add anything else?” He laughed.

“Maybe a couple broom closet visits would be nice, but honestly I don't think I could ask for much more.”

Remus smiled and grabbed his hand tighter. “I think we could make that work.”

“I swear it's like they get off every time they look at eachother.” Peter rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Piss off Pete.” Remus laughed.

“He’s not wrong. You two are like all over each other all the time.” James agreed, filling up his plate again.

Sirius buried his face farther into Moony’s robes. Remus laughed again and kissed the top of his head. “It's his birthday James, it has to be special right?”

“Ten galleons they shag tonight.” Pete smiled.

“Fuck Peter, just take it now, we all know i’d lose that.”

“How about we stop talking about my sex life and ask more important questions. What classes do we have tests in?” Sirius asked, sitting up and dropping Remus’s hand.

“I said that like five minutes ago.”

“Yeah and I just processed it. What fucking classes moony.”

He laughed as he filled up his plate. “Transfiguration and arithmancy. I’m assuming you didn’t study, but it's not hard. You’ll be fine I think.”

“Thanks Moony.” Sirius mumbled, eating slowly.

“Cmon, we’re gonna be late.” Remus smiled a few minutes later.

“There's still almost thirty minutes until class starts.” Peter responded.

“Yeah, uhm, me and padfoot here wanted to go talk to one of the teachers before lessons today. Right pads?” Remus stuttered, looking at Sirius.

“Yeah. We’ll see you guys in transfiguration.” Sirius nodded slowly, grabbing Remus’s hand and getting up.

They walked out of the great hall quickly, laughing most of the time.

“You’re so bad at lying.”

“I’m bad at lying? Mr ‘me and padfoot here’? You don’t talk like that.”

“Fair point. We didn’t actually need to talk to teachers right?”

Sirius laughed again. “Which closet are we going to?”

Remus smiled and dragged him into the closest one.

~~~

Sirius tightened his tie as they walked into McGonagall's classroom. They were late. Sirius was hoping it wasn't too obvious. Remus’s hair was messier than usual and his shirt was halfway untucked, he was fixing the top three buttons, quite a few red marks littered his neck. Sirius assumed he didn’t look much better. They stood by the door for a second, trying to close it quietly.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, nice of you to join us.” Professor McGonagall said, waving her wand to fix their uniforms. “I’ll give you a pass today.” She continued. “But next time it's a detention. Being late that is. I don’t want to know why you two are late, I can put the pieces together without the words needing to be said. Please take a seat and we don’t have to speak of this conversation again.” She mumbled something else under her breath and purposely pushed a cup over on her desk.

“Someone gave her veritaserum.” James said as they sat down. Remus nodded and started picking at his nails.

~~~

Sirius took his normal spot on the couch as soon as classes were over, swinging his legs over Remus’s. Remus grabbed his hand and squeezed it slightly, ignoring Lily calling his name repeatedly.

“Well? It was only school and we haven't done much yet but was today better than the others?” He asked, smiling.

“Yeah. You don’t have to do all of this though. I’ve gone fifteen years without anything like this. Why is this one special?” Sirius pulled his hand away and looked down.

“Pads don’t be like that right now. It's fine. I-“ He got cut off

“Remus!” Lily yelled even louder. Remus looked over to her, moving closer to Sirius.

“Finally. Now if you’d stop ignoring me we could actually finish this partner assignment from care of magical creatures?” She asked, taking the open spot next to him.

“My notes are upstairs. Use those. I’m busy tonight.” He rolled his eyes, looking back at Sirius.

She got up, clearly annoyed, and walked up the stairs to the boys dorms.

“Anyways, sorry about that. What do you wanna do?”

“Moony calm down. You’re overthinking all of this. I don’t need something big. You’ve already done enough.”

“Shut up. We’re doing stuff. Trust me, you’ll like it. Do you want James and Peter there?”

“Maybe. Peter could bring his girlfriend if he wants. And James and his mystery person, we could finally meet them. I wanna know who's making him so happy. He’s been different lately, he's doing better. I wanna know why.” Sirius mumbled, playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Sirius, I think you and I both know who James has been seeing. You just don't want to admit it.” Remus whispered.

“I know. I don’t want to think about that though.”

“That's fair. Why don’t you go take a nap and I'll get everything set up?”

~~~

They all met at the great hall for dinner, all eating slowly and wasting time so they could sneak out unnoticed easier. After dinner they snuck out to the forest under the cloak. They could barely fit all of them, even with Peter in his animagus form, Remus was too tall, and James had really wide shoulders, which was great for quidditch, but not for fitting three people under a cloak made for one.

There was a blanket laid out on the ground in the spot of the forest that Remus called ‘their spot’. There was a break in the trees, a short field that felt completely different to the rest of the forest, the energy changed as soon as you stepped into the area, it went from dark and mysterious to light and open. They always gravitated towards this spot during full moons, it gave them a place to run, and to play with the fairies. It felt like a break from all the magic, but with more magic than any of them have ever experienced. Remus had hung up string lights throughout the area, spacing them out so they wouldn't cover the sky during sunset, but close enough to be bright.

“So what are we doing here again?” Peter asked as soon as James dropped the cloak.

“Shh.” Remus looked at him, laying down on the blanket. “Let her speak.” He whispered.

“What? Who?” Sirius asked, sitting next to him.

“The wind. She’s trying to say something.” His voice never changed volume, staying at this soft breathy whisper, a tone Sirius hasn't heard from Remus before.

“What's she saying?” Sirius played with his hair, he didn’t expect Remus to be the type of person to be into this kind of stuff.

“I don’t know.” He sat up, running his hands over his face. “I can never understand her. I can feel the magic surrounding her, and I know she’s saying something, but I don't understand it. It’s like she speaks in another language.”

He leaned back onto his hands, looking up at the sky as the sun started to set. “Moony, the wind doesn't talk, it’s just wind.” James said, looking at him weird as he sat down, Peter following behind him.

“It does. You just have to know what to listen for. Reg talks to the wind a lot, the way I talk to the stars. Things like the wind and the stars have a presence, same as we do, but it's different. We can see and acknowledge everyone around us, they choose the people that can feel their presence. It’s a type of magic beyond the average person's comprehension, it’s not so much a being but more a feeling.” Sirius answered, his voice was soft and higher pitched than normal, the forest tends to do that. It has a weird way of calming him.

“You just explained the concept of divination. The stupid fucking fortune telling things are all based of feelings too.” James rolled his eyes, he hated divination.

“James, have you ever gotten clear answers to anything in divination?” Remus asked, cracking his knuckles.

“No. The crystal ball is always foggy and the cards never make sense.”

“You’re not opening yourself up enough. You don’t let yourself be vulnerable and it disrupts the trust between you and what you’re working with. Same goes for people.” Remus shrugged, laying out the snacks he got.

“That's what the divination teacher said.” James mumbled, looking away.

“Maybe you should believe her then.”

“Shut up.”

The blanket was covered in plates of snacks, mostly sweets, chocolate covered strawberries and almost everything in honeydukes inventory.

“Moony really, you didn’t have to do all this.” Sirius complained again.

Remus laughed and put a strawberry in Sirius’s mouth. “It’s alright love, I wanted to.” he paused for a second, looking at the sky again. “Who’s out tonight?”

Sirius looked at the sky again, scanning for the faint outlines of the stars starting to show as the sun sets. “Andromeda I think, she’s over there.” He pointed a little left of the sun, scanning to see any others. “I think Orion is around somewhere too, but he’s harder to see this early in the month.”

“So you’re not out tonight?” Remus asked.

“I am. I always am. More visible here around December though. But if you look hard enough I'm always around. My full constellation is from December to March, so it’s more noticeable then. I can show you when it’s out.”

“Are you saying real words at this point? I don’t know what's going on.” Peter asked, pulling a plate closer to him.

“Can we just watch the sunset? I don’t really wanna talk anymore.” Sirius shot back, leaning into Remus.

They sat there for at least an hour as the sun set, James and Peter whispering off to the side, but never being too loud.

They walked back to the castle slowly, all squeezing under the cloak again. Peter fell asleep as soon as they got back and James left, saying he had to take care of something.

“James is meeting up with his mystery person isn’t he?” Remus asked, laughing slightly as he changed.

“Probably.” Sirius answered, looking at the floor. “Thanks moons.”

“What for?”

“Everything. I love you.”

“I love you too bubs.” He hugged him tight, pulling him against his chest.

“Are we doing anything else?” Sirius asked, his voice small and soft.

“I had something in mind.” Remus smirked, resting their foreheads together.

“And what would that be, moony”

“You.”