Chapter 6
June 20, 1996
The sun’s mid-morning rays filtered through the heavy curtains in Regulus’ room, casting their warmth across Liv’s face. She was already awake and had been for a while, staring up at the ceiling and gazing into nothing. Her entire body felt numb like she was in some sort of muddled dream, and she was just floating through it. Emotions were carefully placed behind her Occlumency walls from where they had broken through the previous night. The warmth from the sun did nothing to spur her into moving from where she lay on the bed. She was unsure when she had woken up, but she could not find it in herself to move from her spot. Sirius, in his Animagus form, had left the room at some point once the sun had fully risen. Maybe that’s when she had woken up as well. Her grip was still on Regulus’ wool jumper, the moving photo of them now set aside on top of the duvet.
She took a long, deep inhale of breath and held it in her lungs, counting the seconds silently until it felt like her lungs would explode. She repeated the same breathing cycle over and over again as her mind began to wander. What was she going to do? Her parents and brother were dead, Regulus was gone, she was no longer in 1976. Could she get back to her time? Would she even be allowed to if she could? Additionally, she was not yet of age. Would she still have access to the Potter vaults? Potter Manor? Did Harry live at Potter Manor by himself? She doubted that. And where in the hell were her belongings? Her wand? She felt almost naked without her wand. The questions and unknown answers began overwhelming her, so she closed her eyes and squeezed them tightly shut. Stars burst behind her eyelids until images of her and Regulus pushed forward—the last kiss she gave him before everything went to shit, the surprised look and blush on his face. Her heart felt heavy again.
A light knock on the bedroom door thankfully brought her out of her spiraling thoughts.
“Liv, hey, can I come in?” Sirius’ raspy voice was on the other side of the door. The deep sadness from the previous night still lingered in his tone. “Just want to check in on you, love.”
She cleared her throat and slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position, the mattress giving way to her movements. “Yeah, of course. I mean, you were already in here as Padfoot.” Her voice was hoarse from crying and the fitful night’s sleep.
She heard Sirius chuckle—his deep laugh somehow lightened the heaviness in her heart for a brief moment.
The door creaked open, and Sirius stepped through, looking no better for wear than her. “I see you still have the same dry humor.” She watched as he placed a set of clean, folded clothes on the chest of drawers.
“I suppose traveling through time has only honed it.” He snorted at her comment. “The one positive thing from this entirely fucked up ordeal.” She rubbed her tiered, red-rimmed eyes with the palm of her hand.
“Language,” he tsked teasingly as he moved towards the bed and dropped onto its edge near her. They sat in silence for several moments before he sighed and turned towards her, placing his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture. “How are you holding up?”
It was a good question. When Dumbledore and Remus asked her yesterday, she had no answer. Now? She maybe could say by a thread.
Sirius watched as she chewed the inside of her cheek, his worried grey gaze softening a bit. “It’s okay if you don’t know. It might take a while until you sort through all the feelings and emotions that you’re experiencing. Hell—” he raked a tattooed hand through his messy hair, “—I’m fully an adult, and there are emotions that I’m still contending with, emotions that may never fully find resolution. It takes time, so don’t work yourself up over it.”
Liv swallowed and breathed in through her nose. She found herself touching her pearl bracelet as she spoke. “I don’t really know what I’m feeling—numb, perhaps. If I let myself feel all the emotions, you and Remus will have to cart me off to St. Mungo’s.” She huffed out a dark laugh as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and positioned herself next to Sirius. “The only thing I am allowing myself to feel is guilt, I suppose. I’m so, so absolutely sorry, Siri. I—”
He cut her off before she could continue. “No more apologies, love. What happened, happened. You weren’t the cause of any of it. Besides, since when do Slytherins apologize?”
His comment brought forth an actual smile on her lips, which felt a bit strange because of all the heaviness settled into her bones since she woke up from the prank. “Right, I forgot for a moment.” She let out a shaky breath and rested her head against his shoulder. “What am I going to do, Siri? I—I just want to curl up in a ball and close my eyes. Maybe if I squeeze them hard enough, when I open them, I’ll be back in my dormitory in 1976.” She reached for the photo of Regulus and her, rubbing her thumb on its corner. “What if I’m stuck here, in 1996, for the foreseeable future?”
There was a pause before Sirius replied. “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.” He kissed the top of her head gently. “Remus and I will ensure you’re taken care of—you’re not alone, Liv.”
She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear those words until he had spoken them. She was not alone. Twenty years in the future, out of her own time, but she was not alone.
He let her rest her head on his shoulder for several more minutes, giving her comfort in the silence and support he lent. She could see his eyes anxiously darting around the room. When was the last time he had entered his brother’s bedroom? Most likely, not since his mother cast the stasis charm on it.
Finally, he squeezed her knee and spoke softly, his tone almost pained. “This room might not be the best place for you, Liv.”
The sudden anxiety of being removed from Regulus' space made her palms sweat as she swallowed thickly. “No, no, you don’t understand… his room is the one thing grounding me. When I touched the door last night, the room’s magic let me in and wrapped itself around me. It’s like my pearl bracelet—I can feel his magic. It still lingers in this room. So does his scent.” Her voice faded as she gripped the photo, realizing she sounded a little mental and slightly desperate.
She could tell it took an incredible effort on Sirius’ part to remain calm as he fidgeted with the silver ring he wore on his pinky finger. “Don’t let the room fool you, love. It’s only lingering magic. It’s not him.”
“I know that—” there was a long pause before she continued,“—I do. But I can’t make any promises that I won’t find myself in his room again.” Her tone was final as she placed the photo on the bedside table and brought one of her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knee.
He let out a defeated sigh and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, bringing her to his side. “Stubborn. I know when it’s a losing battle against a Potter.”
She wanted to laugh at his comment, but nothing came out, only a huff of acknowledgment.
“Why don’t you shower and come down to the kitchen for a late breakfast? I brought you clean clothes—and left a Muggle toothbrush and toothpaste on the bathroom counter since you still don’t have your wand. You need to check your bandages, too. Remus applied Dittany to heal the cuts, so there shouldn’t be much scarring, but they may still feel tender.”
At the mention of her cuts, Liv glanced down and gently pressed a hand against her midsection. To her surprise, she felt little to no soreness at the touch, a stark difference from the day before.
Sirius stood from the bed and began walking towards the door, rolling his shoulders as he moved. He glanced back at her position on the bed before leaving the room. “So, check your bandages, freshen up, and come downstairs for a spot of tea and breakfast. See you shortly, love.”
She watched as he left the room and then flopped back on the bed, grumbling. Grabbing Regulus’ jumper, she buried her face in its scratchy material again and sighed. Leaving his room was the last thing she wanted, but she supposed she had to get up and eat something. Living off nourishment potions would not be sustainable.
Liv stood from the bed and stretched her limbs. They were stiff from how tense her body had been the night before. She moved to the drawers and picked up the clean clothes Sirius provided her: another band shirt, wool socks, and a pair of pajama pants. Some part of her wanted to open Regulus’ drawers and search for something of his, but maybe that would be too much.
After leaving the bedroom, she walked to the floor’s main bathroom. Once inside, she leaned into the shower and adjusted the nozzles to run the water as hot as it would go. Standing in front of the large mirror, she carefully removed her t-shirt, folded it, and placed it on the counter. Glancing at her reflection, she grimaced. Her hair was a sweaty mess, her skin ashen, and her eyes still red and puffy from crying.
The bandages were still magicked onto her skin as her fingers deftly felt across them. She slowly peeled them away, tossed them into a wastebasket next to the counter, and took inventory of her torso. Minor cuts and abrasions that had marred her skin the day before were now lines of pink marks. Her fingers trailed over them, feeling the raised skin.
Steamed filled the bathroom, fogging the mirror and indicating the shower temperature was perfectly hot. She removed the rest of her clothes, folded them neatly, and stepped into the shower. As the expensive soaps washed away the two days' worth of sweat and grime, she barely registered the scalding hot water, her body still numb. She wanted to stay under the shower until her skin burned and she felt something, but eventually, the hot water turned cold. After showering, drying, and brushing her teeth, she dressed in the comfortable T-shirt, socks, and pajama pants, tying the drawstring snugly around her lean frame.
Exiting the bathroom, she slowly made her way down to the kitchen. The halls were still dark and grim as she padded through them. She decided to take her time, drifting into different rooms as she went. When she reached the first floor, she stopped in the library. The layout had not changed at all. Her favorite leather armchairs sat in front of the large, tiled fireplace. The leather was far more worn than the last time she sat in them, and there was a thick layer of dust, but the scent remained the same—old parchment and ink. She walked across the hall from the library and peered into the sitting room with its baby grand piano and blue sofas. The room looked worse for wear, as if moths had made a feast of the beautiful upholsteries. Finally, she found herself standing outside the drawing room, where she knew the Black Family Tapestry hung along its walls. Hesitating for a few moments, she sucked in a breath and pushed the drawing room door open. She took a step inside and immediately regretted her decision. Even though she felt the family magic wrap around her, a shudder went through her body. How often had she and Regulus entered that room, studying at all the family members, tracing the gold threads with their fingers until they rested upon his name and image? How often had they discussed the gold thread that would one day tie her name to his?
Before she could stop herself, she moved along the wall to where she knew Regulus’ name and image would be displayed. She needed to see the white skull. She could not explain why it was so important at that moment, but it was. Closing her eyes briefly, she counted to three as her pulse quickened and her heart thudded in her ears. When she reopened her eyes, her face drained of color, and she felt as if the wind was knocked out of her. The white skull stared back at her, its ominous image almost taunting her, teasing her that she could not escape the truth of Regulus’ demise. She lifted a trembling finger and traced the skull—Regulus Arcturus Black. Her vision blurred, and her breathing became labored. She clumsily stood back from the tapestry and knocked over a side table. Stumbling out of the drawing room, she slammed the door closed and slid to the ground, her back leaning against the door. It felt like she could not breathe again, like her chest was constricting. Squeezing her eyes closed, she dropped her head between her knees and forced herself to breathe. Four counts in—six counts out. After a few minutes, her breathing finally evened, and the rapid beating in her chest stopped. Her head hit the back of the door as she stared across the hall. What had she been thinking? She decided never to step foot in that room again.
When it felt like she could stand, Liv slowly pushed herself off the hardwood floor and continued walking to the kitchen. Sirius and Remus’ hushed tones filled the narrow stairwell as she descended the last steps into the basement. She knew eavesdropping invaded their privacy, but she wanted to hear what they were discussing, so she remained hidden behind the landing wall.
“—I think we need to tell her,” Remus said lowly.
“Absolutely not. It’s too much,” Sirius replied.
“Padfoot.”
“No. She’s not in the right state, Moony. You should have seen her holding on to the photo of her and Reggie, with his wool jumper lying next to her. It about killed me.” There was a beat of silence before Sirius continued. “She’s in a fragile state, and I think if we tell her more—”
“You can’t hide what happened to you for 12 years, you know,” Remus spoke over him, his hushed tone cautious. “Eventually, she’ll ask why he isn’t living with you.”
“I know—Merlin, I know. But how am I supposed to explain to her—”
She finally decided to come out from behind the staircase wall, her socked-covered feet on the stone landing. “Explain what?”
“Liv,” Remus startled, surprised by her sudden appearance. The contents of his mug splashed onto the table. “Shite,” he muttered.
“It’s nothing, love.” Sirius sent a strained smile her way, and with a wave of his hand, Remus’ spilled tea vanished.
“Sure, I’ll just pretend that I didn’t hear you speaking about me as I came down the stairs.” She slowly walked towards where Sirius and Remus sat at the end of the long kitchen table.
Sirius stood and pulled out her chair, its legs scraping against the stone floor. “You look better. Some color is back. Sit, please.” He quickly changed the subject, gesturing to the platters of food on the wooden table, his face in a lopsided grin. “Moony made breakfast, so brace yourself for some truly egregious eggs and bacon.”
“It’s better than the food you cook, Pads. Burnt every time.” Remus reached into the pocket of his cardigan and pulled out a small cream envelope. “Dumbledore sent this to you with the morning post.” A concerned look clouded his usually calm features.
As she sat down in the open chair, she took the letter from his hand and absently ran her finger over the Hogwarts seal. There were few reasons why Dumbledore would send her a letter after they spoke a day ago, and she knew that all of them revolved around her recent appearance in 1996. “Did anything else come with it? Like my belongings by chance?”
Sirius’ goofy smile faltered as he watched her take the letter.
“Sorry, Liv, your belongings weren’t with the post.”
“I wonder if this is about the Ministry. Dumbledore said they were aware of my time travel and would be making a full investigation.”
Remus poured her a cup of tea and slid the mug towards her. “Possibly. Or he’s just checking in.”
She wanted to snort. Dumbledore, just checking in? Unlikely. If he was the same man he was in her time, he only did things with intent and purpose.
“If he was just ‘checking in,’ why doesn’t he Floo Call?” She reached for the small pitcher of milk that sat next to a bowl of sugar and poured a splash into her tea. Sirius and Remus both hesitated and glanced between them. “What, is the Floo Network being monitored or something?” She chuckled at the absurdity but faltered when she saw their expressions. “Wait, is it actually being monitored?” That was a surprise. Maybe it had always been monitored, even in her time.
Sirius was the first to speak with a tight smile and pushed a full plate piled high with bacon towards her. “Bacon?”
“Yes, the Floo Network is being monitored by the Ministry. Nothing really unusual about it.” Remus’ voice was unconvincing as he ignored Sirius’ attempts to change subjects yet again.
“I guess things have changed since 1976.” She shook her head, declining the bacon, and instead focused on the envelope. She broke the seal and opened the letter. Her amber eyes quickly scanned its contents. “Dumbledore writes that the Department of Mysteries is researching my time travel. They’ll eventually request that I appear at the Ministry for an interview.” Her brow creased as she flipped the parchment over. “And he requests that I not divulge my return to anyone outside of you both. Apparently, I will need to develop a cover story, and he will visit to help create a background for me.” She handed over the letter to Remus so that he could read it.
Sirius stood and moved behind Remus reading over his shoulder, his tattooed hand squeezing his friend’s arm. As she watched their interaction, she realized there was something intimate in their closeness, and it made her heart swell.
“I suppose that settles it then.” Remus set the letter down while Sirius went back to his chair. “Until we hear back from the Ministry, your secret must remain just that—a secret.”
She wrapped her fingers around her warm mug and lifted it to her lips. “Why would Dumbledore care if anyone else finds out about my appearance? It's not like I traveled back in time with the possibility of divulging secrets to change future events.”
“She has a good point, Moony.” Sirius leaned casually back in his seat and waved a half-eaten piece of bacon in Remus’ direction.
Remus tousled his dark hair with his long, scarred fingers. His voice was calm and steady as he spoke to Liv. “Well, I can see two good reasons why Dumbledore would suggest that your identity remain a secret. First, it’s most likely for your safety. Can you imagine the media circus once word gets out that Liv Potter traveled forward in time from the past and isn’t presumed dead? And second, perhaps this is his way of protecting Harry. What if the DOM has the capability to send you back to your own time? How would that impact both you and Harry?”
She thought about his words and shook her head. With her time travel, she realized that little was certain except that James and Lily had a son and that he was her only living family in the future she found herself in. Pretending to be someone else with her nephew was not an option. “No, I won’t lie to Harry. I see what you’re saying, Remus, or what Dumbledore might be saying, but Harry deserves to know the truth. Dumbledore can make demands or requests all he wants, but he cannot force me to hide from my only remaining family.”
Remus sighed in resignation and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Dumbledore has his reasons, Liv. He never does anything without them.”
“I know that, trust me.” Her tone was frostier than she had meant it to be.
Sirius, however, smiled at her conviction. “I won’t hide the truth from Harry, either, love.” A plate filled with eggs, toast, and bacon was placed before her. “Here, you need to eat.”
It was the perfect time as her stomach let out a growl. She removed the napkin from her place setting and laid it in her lap. “I’m sorry, Remus. That came across as rude. It’s just… I understand that Dumbledore has his reason, but in this instance, he’s wrong.”
He held up a hand and offered her a reassuring smile. “You don’t need to apologize, Liv.”
As they ate, Liv found herself thinking about Harry. She was curious about what kind of person he was. With Sirius as his guardian, she guessed Harry might be too self-assured and oozing with unnecessary charm. She just hoped that Remus had also been there to help Sirius with parenting so that his calm and empathetic guidance had tempered any potential arrogance.
“Tell me more about Harry.” Sirius and Remus’ faces immediately lit up at the mention of her nephew. “I think I saw him when I landed in the Gryffindor common room, confusing him with Jamie.” She swirled the last remnants of tea in her mug and placed it down on the table. “What is he like? Does he have a streak for trouble? Is he charming like Jamie and twice as arrogant?”
Both men smiled broadly at her question.
“Well, trouble seems to find Harry, much like it did for his father and me,” Sirius beamed. He pushed away his empty plate and rested his arms on the table. “He’s fantastic—a great kid. And one hell of a Quidditch player. Seeker for the Gryffindor team. Made it his First Year.”
“That’s unheard of—a First Year Seeker?” She was impressed. Although she loved flying, she was never into Quidditch like James. It definitely seemed like Harry took after his father with Quidditch.
Remus stretched his long legs under the table and nodded at Sirius’ comments. “Harry is the best of both James and Lily, really. Intelligent, compassionate, empathetic, loyal, and stands up for what’s right, even when it isn’t easy.”
The thought of him being a combination of James and Lily filled her with warmth.
“Yes,” Sirius said, his grey eyes not as bright as before. “A lot is asked of him, but he always meets it head-on.”
Liv noticed a change in his demeanor and wondered what he meant by a lot is asked of him. “Does he come here, to Grimmauld, during the summer and hols, Siri? Or do you stay with him at Potter Manor when he’s on break?” She finished eating her toast and dabbed the corner of her mouth with her napkin. “I can’t imagine he lives alone at Potter Manor unless you decided to raise him there for a bit.”
An uncomfortable silence fell over the group as Liv’s eyes darted between her brother’s closest friends. Remus rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze hitting the floor, while Sirius’ jaw clenched tightly.
She could see the force that it took for Sirius to unclench his jaw. He let out a shaky breath before he spoke. “I… well… Harry didn’t grow up—” he closed his eyes, pain etched across his features, not able to finish speaking.
Remus had the same look from the previous night before he and Sirius divulged everything that happened while she went missing.
Dread immediately settled into her stomach. “Tell me. Now.”