Chapter 7
June 20, 1996 – Contd.
Liv sat in stunned silence, her face pale from being told the details of Sirius’ imprisonment.
Twelve years. Twelve years, Sirius sat in an Azkaban cell, isolated and rotting away for a crime he did not commit. Twelve years of torture by the dementors, living—no, barely existing—in inhumane conditions. It made her sick, her stomach churning at the injustice of it all. No investigation, no trial, nothing. He should have gone mad after everything he had endured.
For several minutes, the trio sat in silence, the only noise heard was the faucet dripping in the sink at the far end of the kitchen. Sirius’ head hung low, his shoulders visibly shaking. Remus reached across the table and gently touched his arm in support. Liv glanced down in her lap and realized she had gripped her wrist so tightly that the snake charm on her pearl bracelet had left an imprint on her palm.
“Sirius… I…” The words she wanted to speak were stuck in the back of her throat. She attempted to continue, her voice a hoarse whisper, but she trailed off. What could she say? Words felt inadequate for the time he had lost in Azkaban. Words would not give him his life back. Instead, she stood from her spot and moved to his side, pulling him into an embrace.
Sirius hesitantly placed his hand on her arm and squeezed in acknowledgment. The breath he took was shaky as he closed his eyes. When he reopened them, the grey pools were cloudy and a bit unfocused. “Harry was how I survived in that hell hole. Thinking about my godson, slipping into my Animagus form to avoid the constant dementors.” Liv let him go and slid back into her seat at the table. She brushed away tears that had fallen down her face. He paused, taking another shuddering breath, and then continued. “The image of James and Lily protecting Harry will forever be tattooed on my mind. You know my temper... rage consumed me. A pain like nothing I’d ever experienced before tore through my chest, and all I could see was red. Letting my emotions take over was so fucking reckless. If I hadn’t been so set on revenge—if I had been more like…” His shoulders shook again as the words died on his lips.
This time, it was Remus who wrapped his long arms around their friend and held him tightly before pulling back and calming him down. “Pads, look at me—look at me, love. It’s in the past. You’re safe. Harry is safe. You’re with me.”
Sirius gazed into Remus’s dark eyes and nodded, his friend's actions and words grounding him and bringing him back from some precipice that Liv was unsure she fully understood yet.
She observed their interaction, watching how they clung to one another almost desperately. Had they always interacted like this? Had she missed the queues during the summers and holidays spent together at Potter Manor? Or did time and shared tragedy bring them closer? She felt like an interloper, as if the moment between them was something intimate and private, one she should not be witnessing. She swallowed and turned her head away, giving them privacy.
She quietly rose from her seat and took the teapot off the table, carrying it over to a counter next to the stove where a kettle sat on one of the burners. She set the teapot down and reached for her wand to spell the burner lit. An irritated sigh escaped her as her hand met nothing. She missed her wand, realizing just how often she used it for menial tasks such as turning on the stove or brushing her teeth. The knobs were sticky from years of grime, and she grimaced as she touched them, turning the flame on high to heat the kettle. While waiting for the water to boil, she selected a tea tin off the shelf above the stove and added a few hefty scoops to the teapot.
She stared at the kettle, mind wandering as she gave Sirius and Remus a moment. Both men had yet to speak about who raised Harry, but she knew that Sirius being in Azkaban was really the answer she sought. Her instincts told her that Remus had not raised him either. Frustration built up inside of her. It felt like Sirius’ recklessness after finding her brother and Lily at Godric’s Hollow had caused Harry to grow up without his family, most likely leaving him in the hands of strangers. Why did Sirius always have to act first and then seek forgiveness? It was the same way with bullying Severus or any pranks he pulled—the same way he acted when living with her parents at Potter Manor. And this time, his thoughtlessness affected more than just his life—they had also affected his godson’s. Yet, her frustration was quickly quelled as she glanced at Sirius and Remus, both still locked in an embrace—no, that was unfair of her. He had already been hard on himself and suffered enough. He did not deserve her frustration. Besides, she could not be upset at Sirius, especially when her recklessness had brought her into the future. Her life’s what-ifs were just as torturous.
The whistle of the kettle startled her out of her thoughts. She cleared her throat, brushing her curtain bangs out of her face before grabbing a potholder and picking up the hot kettle, pouring the water into the teapot.
When she returned with a fresh pot of tea, Remus had changed seats and sat close to Sirius, their arms resting on the table, hands entwined. They both sent her thankful smiles as she set the teapot on the trivet between them. Sirius had visibly calmed down, and although his eyes were red, they were now dry.
She refilled everyone’s mugs and let Sirius add a splash of milk to hers. “No firewhiskey this time?” She could really go for something stronger as she braced herself for the next part of their conversation.
Her comment seemed to lighten the mood momentarily. Sirius let out a snort, and Remus subtly chuckled.
“I think it’s better if we keep the firewhiskey in its cabinet,” Remus said, dropping two sugars into his tea and mixing it with a small spoon.
“You know,” Liv said, bringing her mug to her lips and blowing over the piping-hot liquid to cool it down. “You used to be much more fun, Remus.” Sirius let out a bark of laughter, choking on his tea. “See, Siri agrees with me.”
Remus wrapped his long fingers around his mug and shook his head. “I don’t remember you being such a smartarse.”
“Yes, well, old age tends to dull the mind.”
Sirius’ tattooed hand slapped the wooden table loudly as he let out another deep laugh.
The three of them sipped their tea for a moment before Liv continued with her thoughts.
“Who raised Harry? Where does he go when he’s not at Hogwarts?” She looked at Remus with a hopeful expression. She prayed to Merlin that her instincts were wrong. “With Sirius being indisposed, I know Jamie would have desired you to have raised him, Remus. I’m sure he would have written it in his will, right?”
There was a pause before a pained expression settled onto Remus’ scarred face, and her heart sank. “I was away on a mission with the werewolf packs when I learned about your brother and Lily’s deaths. As soon as I returned, I sought out Harry, but Dumbledore had already placed him with Lily’s family. I tried Liv. I fought to raise Harry, but I wasn’t his godparent, and the law worked against me at every turn... every request... every appeal.”
Liv digested his words. Severus had spoken about Lily’s family occasionally, but nothing was positive. She knew that Lily had a sister, Petunia, who was a Muggle, and that she was a cold and mean-spirited person, jealous of Lily being a witch. He did not say much about Lily’s parents.
She wondered if Harry had been raised by his grandparents or Petunia. She hoped it was his grandparents.
“Lily’s family raised him? But—but they’re Muggles.” She let out the breath she had been holding in. “Not that I care that they’re Muggles. Just—it would be challenging for them to teach Harry about magic, you know?” She tapped her fingers against her mug as she continued speaking. “I guess that’s better than the Magical Foster System. Family, even Muggles, is better than no family. Right?"
She was met with silence by her brother’s best friends, both wearing varying dark looks on their faces.
Eventually, Remus spoke. “Harry was raised by his aunt and uncle, the Dursleys, in Little Whinging. He—”
Sirius scowled, his arms crossed over his chest, cutting Remus off. “Harry was basically their godsdamn house-elf, living under the stairwell in a cupboard. They forced him to prepare meals, tidy up, and handle who knows what other tasks.”
She watched as Remus gave Sirius a warning look.
“He lived under a cupboard?” she asked cautiously, unsure she was hearing Sirius correctly. “Why... why would he be left with relatives that, that... that’s borderline abuse!” Her voice rose in an anger that matched Sirius’. She stood from her seat, the chair scraping against the stone tiles. She pressed her palms on the table, leaning forward, and continued, her voice upset. “I don’t understand how this happened. Did no one in the Magical world check-in on him? How had his deplorable living conditions gone unnoticed?”
Sirius looked satisfied at her outburst as he rocked back in his chair, but Remus, as usual, emitted calmness with a sad smile on his face. “At the time, I was furious too, and still am a bit at how Harry was treated, but Dumbledore gave us his reasoning. He placed Harry with his aunt and uncle because when Lily gave her life for Harry, she invoked an ancient magic—”
“Familial blood magic,” she whispered before Remus could continue. Her eyes widened as she pieced together what had happened. “Petunia was Lily’s last remaining blood relative, meaning Harry would be protected under her house.” Her brows furrowed. Dumbledore wanted to protect Harry—but why? She wondered what Sirius and Remus were not saying. “So, that’s why you couldn’t raise Harry, Remus. Dumbledore stonewalled you when you tried to obtain guardianship of him. He had the means and advantage to ensure Harry remained at the Dursleys.” There was a lengthy list of reasons as to why she never particularly liked Dumbledore, and this would be added to the list.
Remus said nothing, but she could tell he struggled to maintain his composure. This time, it was Sirius who set his mug down and reached over, grasping Remus’ hand in a comforting gesture.
She downed the rest of her tea and pushed the mug to the side. “Dumbledore's ability to escape consequences for his actions is infuriating. His actions placed Harry in an abusive home. All the familial magic in the world can’t protect against an abusive home and the damage that causes.”
Sirius and Remus had the decency not to try and argue her point. It was obvious that neither of the two was happy with Harry’s situation either.
"Something isn’t adding up,” she said. “I don’t understand… why did Harry need protection after… after my family’s deaths? James’ and Lily’s sacrifice surely was enough to protect him. The war ended.”
The question hung uncomfortably in the air between the three of them.
Sirius cleared his throat first, his face somber. “Voldemort has returned.”
Liv winced at the Dark Lord’s name, even though she tried hiding it. She knew Sirius and Remus saw her wince, but she ignored their raised brows.
The Dark Lord had Returned? How was that possible?
She stood and listened with wide eyes as both men explained what had happened at Hogwarts and the events of Harry's school years up to his current Fifth Year. The Dark Lord’s almost successful second attempt at killing her nephew in the graveyard made her stomach sick. The shock she felt throughout her entire body was evident in how her hands shook. Even though she now held on to her pearl bracelet, she could not stop the anxiety she felt. Every year that Harry was at Hogwarts, he was met with challenges that no ordinary student should experience. No wonder Sirius had mentioned earlier that Harry always rose to the challenges he faced—the kid never had a normal year.
“—so that’s why Harry remains at the Dursley.” Remus concluded, his hand still in Sirius’. “Dumbledore suspected that You-Know-Who hadn't truly been defeated that night at Godric’s Hollow; he believed that he had only slithered away into hiding. Harry needed protection… protection that the most complex wards or a Fidelius charm couldn’t have offered him.”
“Yet, the Dark Lord almost killed him anyway,” Liv said sarcastically. She rubbed her eyes with the tips of her fingers, forcing stars to burst behind her lids. “What in the hell type of future have I arrived in?” She dropped back down in her seat at the kitchen table, defeated.
“One that most of the adults will try hiding from you for as long as possible,” Sirius said with a roll of his eyes.
“What does that mean?” she asked, confused by his tone.
Remus let go of Sirius’ hand and leaned his arms on the table. “Some members of the Order want to shield the children and teens who are still students at Hogwarts from what’s happening.”
“That’s ridiculous. They ought to know what is happening in the world around them.” And then his words fully hit her. “Wait, the Order is back?” Her amber eyes widened as she looked at Remus.
“Indeed. Dumbledore reinstated it immediately following You-Know-Who’s return last year.”
“I offered Grimmauld as its headquarters.” Sirius’ face lifted into a proud smirk. “A big F U to my mother and the entire Black family.”
“So that means Wizarding Britain is on the brink of another war.” A distressed expression spread over Liv’s face. She missed the first one. Apparently, she would be around for the second.
Sirius patted her hand. “Beyond the brink, love. We’re in it now.”
She paused momentarily before asking the next question that came to her mind. She felt that she knew the answer, as it seemed to have happened to those she had loved twenty years ago. “Do you think it’s the same as last time—that the Dark Lord will be recruiting from inside Hogwarts?”
Remus nodded solemnly. “I suspect so, yes.”
The trio sat quietly, each in their own thoughts about what Remus confirmed before Sirius casually ran a hand through his hair and spoke up with a smile. “On a happier note, Harry has stayed here at Grimmauld a few times. Once this past summer and once during the Christmas hols.”
That news did lighten the heaviness in her heart. Remus reached for the teapot, but his cardigan sleeves snagged on the wood. “Damnit,” he muttered.
Sirius immediately palmed his wand and cast a silent Reparo at Remus’ sleeve, stitching up the snag. “He’ll have to spend one more summer month with the Dursleys, but when he comes of age, he’ll be free of them, and his home will be here with Remus and me.”
The idea of Harry having a home at Grimmauld with Sirius and Remus tugged at her heart. Perhaps Potter Manor would be a better home than Grimmauld. “Have either of you been to Potter Manor?” She reached for the teapot and handed it to Remus, who nodded thanks as he took it from her.
“No,” answered Sirius. “Not since James and Lily went into hiding at Godric’ Hollow. I—I tried accessing it once, but the wards wouldn’t let me through. James had closed the Manor up, locking it down with complex protection spells while they were away.”
That made sense. The Potter Manor had been in their family for generations. It was her and Harry’s birthright. She hoped that it hadn’t become derelict like Grimmauld. “Depending on what happens to me with the DOM, maybe I’ll try to access the Manor. The wards may require a few drops of my blood to take them down.” She assumed the protections James had set up were blood wards. The idea of Potter Manor without her parents, though, was slightly jarring. “On second thought, I think I’ll wait. The last time I was home was for Easter hols. Everyone was so happy and… and alive. I can’t…” her words trailed off.
Before either Sirius or Remus could reply, a loud pop reverberated in the kitchen, startling Liv. She immediately turned towards the location of the noise and saw Kreacher standing in the space. He looked even more ancient than the last time she had seen him twenty years ago. His tea towel was ratty with dirt spots smeared over it. His disheveled state alarmed her.
“Kreacher?” Liv gently called out to the house-elf.
Kreacher's dark, sunken eyes widened in shock as he gazed at her. His bony fingers trembled as he narrowed his eyes at her, a look of disbelief etched on his wrinkled face as he walked toward where the trio sat. "Young Mistress Liv? How can this be?" He continued his slow approach until he stood directly in front of her. Despite sensing Sirius' irritation next to her, neither she nor Kreacher paid him any attention. Kreacher sank into a deep bow, his long nose nearly brushing the floor. "Young Mistress Liv remains unchanged while everyone else around her has changed. Kreacher has failed. Kreacher has failed Young Master Regulus," he cried, his voice turning into a muffled wail and mumbled words as he tugged at his ears in distress.
Sirius threw his chair back, standing, and yelled at Kreacher to stop his tantrum.
“Sirius!” she shouted over Kreacher’s outburst, “I don’t think yelling at him will help!” Sirius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in annoyance. She left her chair and knelt in front of the shaking and howling house-elf. Slowly and deliberately, she placed a hand on his small shoulder. “Kreacher,” she said imperiously, “you need to stop. You need to listen to me and Sirius.”
At her words, Kreacher stopped his wailing and composed himself. “Yes, Young Mistress Liv. Kreacher will stop.”
Sirius threw his hands up in the air. “You’ve got to be taking the piss. My own house-elf listens to her more than anyone in this wretched place.” He dropped unceremoniously into the wooden chair and crossed his ankle over his knee. Remus patted his shoulder sympathetically.
Her focus was still on the ancient house-elf, caught up by what he had said, her hands still gently holding his bony shoulders. “Kreacher, what do you mean you failed? You said you failed Young Master Regulus?” Her voice remained surprisingly calm despite the jumbled mess inside her at the mention of Regulus.
Kreacher started repeatedly pulling on his ears and reciting that he had failed, over and over, but he never mentioned Regulus again.
Sirius’ voice boomed over Kreacher’s wail-filled cries, sending a stern glare at the house-elf. “Enough of that, Kreacher!” He turned to look at Liv. “It’s all mumbling, Liv. He’s half mad. Anything that comes out of his mouth is either vile or absurd.”
Finally calming down, Kreacher’s dark eyes cleared. It was as if he remembered why he had come into the kitchen in the first place. He turned to Sirius and scowled at his master. “Kreacher has prepared the guest accommodations for the blood traitors and Mudbloods as Master has requested.”
Sirius simply waved Kreacher off with his hand and let out a long-suffering sigh.
The sneer Kreacher sent Remus as he walked away from the table back towards the stairwell at the end of the kitchen startled Liv. “Filthy half-breed. If my Mistress was here…”
As soon as Kreacher was out of earshot, Liv pushed herself off the floor, her mind still racing, thinking about Kreacher’s ramblings. She sent Remus an apologetic look for Kreacher’s nastiness.
“What happened to Kreacher, Siri? He was never this… deranged the last time I saw him.” Deranged was the nicest way she could put it. She started gathering the empty mugs, breakfast plates, and platters off the table, bringing them to the sink.
“He spent years alone in this dreadful house with only my mother’s painting as company, whispering in his ear, poisoning him. Granted, he was never a kind house-elf, at least to me. Putting him out of his misery would seem almost kinder, but I can’t bring myself to do it.”
The irony did not escape her as she compared Kreacher’s isolation at Grimmauld and Sirius’ isolation in Azkaban. “No, Kreacher doesn’t deserve that. It’s not his fault that your mother died and didn’t think to leave anything in her will to give him purpose again.”
She placed the dirty dishes and mugs in the sink. Remus stood and walked over, pointing his wand at the mess. With a flick of his wrist, he magicked the dishes to wash, dry, and put themselves away.
“Who will be staying here at Grimmauld?” she asked Sirius as she moved out of the way, leaning against the wooden cutting block in the middle of the kitchen. “Kreacher mentioned that he prepared your guest rooms?”
“The Weasley family and a couple of other Order members. Staying here, under the Fidelius, is much safer than their homes.”
She wasn't sure who the Weasleys were. She knew the Prewett twins had a sister who married a Weasley. Perhaps that was the same family. “That’s kind of you, Siri. I know this House… being stuck here and letting others use it is a big ask.”
Sirius shrugged, hands thrust in his pockets as he hopped onto the stair landing. “It’s the least I can do.”
Remus turned around from the sink. “There’s an Order Meeting tonight. If you’d like, Liv, you can meet some of the members.”
“Shacklebolt, Mad-Eye Moody, and Tonks, to name a few,” Sirius called down from where he stood at the top of the stairs.
Liv followed Sirius’ lead, and Remus walked after her. “I don’t have a background story yet. Surely those who were around when I disappeared will notice the uncanny resemblance.”
“We’ll think of something,” Remus replied, his voice echoing in the narrow stairwell.
She turned her head to glance at him, her expression clearly skeptical. “Sure, we’ll think of something.”