the black dog

Present – 29th May 1983
Sirius’ POV

Sirius and Regulus had been sprawled out on the floor of the hallway for close to an hour, exchanging stories of their respective journeys after Hogwarts until where they were now.

He learnt of how Regulus befriended Remus at The Daily Prophet. And of course, he had to ask Regulus if he knew the identity of Rowen O. Misty, which was to no success, his brother refused to even give a clue on who the person was.

Their conversation, however, had vastly shifted as Sirius brought up Regulus and James.

“I do think that what happened between you was a misunderstanding.”

“What makes you say that?” His brother scowled.

Sirius reacted by throwing his hands up in the air. “I just don’t think James is the type to intentionally hurt other people’s feelings.”

“And you know him so well, right?”

Sirius frowned. “He’s my best friend.”

“And Remus is mine.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Sirius told his brother. “But he was mine first.” He couldn't help but to remind his brother of that fact.

Regulus scowled. “Is this where you reprimand me for taking all of your friends from you?”

“No, Reg. It isn’t,” Sirius replied softly, shaking his head. “I’m glad you and Remus had each other. I guarantee you two bonded over the pain I brought you both.”

“I’m glad you are aware of the pain you caused,” Regulus replied.

Sirius didn’t reply, a sudden stab of pain hitting him in his chest. He looked away from his brother and focused on the floor. When he eventually looked back at Regulus, his brother had cooled his expression.

“What happened between you and Remus?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Sirius asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“I don’t go prying into my friend’s lives,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “I’m curious as to what your side of the story is.”

“Isn’t that exactly what you are doing? Prying?” Sirius mused.

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Technically, I’m hearing a story about my brother from my brother.”

Sirius sighed. “I'm going to need some alcohol to tell you that story.”

“Well, this is your bar…”

Sirius disappeared to the room at the back, returning with a bottle of firewhiskey. Opening the bottle, the two passed the bottle between them as Sirius explained his side of the story to Regulus. His brother remained silent as he told him of how he had told Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack.

When tears began to once again fall from his eyes as he recalled the morning after when James had told him that Remus was leaving and didn’t want to see him, Regulus gave him a sombre look. He didn’t yell. He didn’t reprimand. He just listened.

And that was exactly what Sirius needed.

The empty bottle of firewhiskey lay discarded beside them as the two of them continued their happier conversations about the smaller, happier moments in their life since they had been apart. Everything seemed funnier with the bubbling of the alcohol inside them.

“No way you got tattoos?” Regulus stared at him with wide eyes.

“I did,” Sirius giggled. “Did you expect any less of me?”

“Me too,” Regulus told him.

Sirius looked at his brother with wide eyes. “What do you mean me too?”

“I have tattoos,” Regulus replied with a sly grin.

Sirius’ mouth dropped open before he replied. “You have tattoos? My baby brother has tattoos?”

“Not a baby.” Regulus frowned at him. “I’m twenty-one years old. Almost twenty-two.”

“You’ll always be my baby brother, Reg,” he told him. “Now I want to see these tattoos.”

“No way!” Regulus shouted.

“Come on, Reg,” Sirius whined. “I’ll show me yours if you show me mine. Wait,” he paused, trying to clear the haze from the alcohol in his head. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Hmm,” Regulus mused, scrunching his nose deep in thought. Sirius missed seeing him do that. It was something his little brother had done his whole life. “Fine. Deal.”

“Yay,” Sirius replied.

“You first.”

“You’re no fun, Reg,” Sirius pouted but began to pull his shirt over his head.

His tattoos were mainly found on his left arm, it was almost a mural, a place of memories for him. The first tattoo he got the day after he left Hogwarts. He had drunk at a bar in Wales and found himself stumbling into a nearby tattoo shop where he got his first tattoo. And then he never stopped. 90% of his tattoos were tied to Remus.

He twisted his arm to show his first tattoo to his brother, a set of wolf paw prints that trailed up the inside of his upper arm. Regulus’ face was unreadable as he looked at the ink there. He grabbed his brother’s wrist and twisted it so he could study every tattoo there.

Examining the flower tattoo on the outside of his upper arm, Regulus looked at his brother in amusement. “What type of flower is this again?”

“A tropical white morning glory.”

“Thought so. Don’t they have another name?”

Sirius pursed his lips. “Perhaps.”

Sirius watched as his brother’s eyes trailed down to the tattoo on the inside of his lower arm. “Je t'aimerai jusqu'à ce que je cesse de respirer,” Regulus recited. “Oh, you are down bad, Sirius.”

“Shut up,” he murmured.

Regulus’ attention moved away from his arm and towards his chest. His right shoulder had the lupus constellation, which he knew from Regulus’ expression that he recognised.

His side had the footprints from the Marauder’s Map in a wavy line. That was something that Regulus could recognise, given that Sirius assumed that James had revealed that the map existed while they were together at Hogwarts.

His brother looked up at him in confusion when he locked on the stag antlers on his torso. Guess that Prongs never revealed that to him.

“Your turn, baby brother,” he told him.

Regulus hesitated before he shrugged out of his jacket. Twisting his arm around, Sirius saw the small sun printed across the skin above his elbow. Just below were the words ‘Sonnet 33’.

“What does it mean?” Sirius asked.

“Go to a muggle bookshop and look at Shakespeare’s sonnets and you can put the pieces together.”

Before Sirius could respond, Regulus was pulling up the hem of his shirt to show him the stars and moon that were inked across the side of his waist.

“Which one’s mine, Reg?” He said with a grin.

“Bold of you to assume one is you.”

Regulus pulled his shirt down and reached for his jacket, pulling it back on to hide the tattoo on his arm.

Before Sirius could think twice—thanks to the alcohol—he blurted out. “You know James has a tattoo for you?”

“What? No,” Regulus said with wide eyes, shaking his head as if the idea was ridiculous.

“Yes,” Sirius insisted. “It’s a—”

The door swung open and both brothers looked towards the person that had entered.

“What the fuck is going on back here?” James said in shock. “Sirius, where did your shirt go?” James shook his head at him before turning to look at Regulus. “Remus has been looking for you.”

“Remus,” Sirius couldn’t help but sob at the reminder.

“The fuck you had to remind him for?” Regulus scowled at James.

“Come on,” James tugged Regulus to his feet and slung an arm around his waist.

“Remember, you promised to come back soon,” Sirius called out to his brother.

“I said I’d think about it,” Regulus told him as he swayed on his feet, supported by James’ arm around him.

“See you soon, Regulus.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m trying to fix that,” Sirius replied with a sad smile, watching his brother disappear for what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time.

James’ POV

“You smell nice,” Regulus murmured as James helped him move through the bar and towards the door where Remus was waiting for them.

“What was that?” James asked, shamelessly wanting to hear the man say it again.

“You are lovely,” Regulus replied. “But you broke my heart.”

James frowned. What was he talking about?

“I broke your heart?” He asked him, half in shock and half confused.

Regulus nodded. “Shattered it.”

“Shattered it?” James echoed.

“Pummelled it,” Regulus said.

The two of them walked out of the bar and Remus came walking over to them immediately, a frown on his face as he looked at the state of Regulus.

“Look here’s Remus,” James told Regulus.

“Lu-Lupin,” Regulus giggled.

“What the fuck happened?” Remus asked, replacing James’ arm with his own as he took Regulus away from him.

“I found him out the back with his brother and an empty body of firewhiskey,” James explained, looking at Regulus’ flushed face.

“Oh, Reg,” Remus sighed.

“You alright to get him home?” He asked, not wanting to leave Remus with the responsibility to get Regulus home on his home unless he was confident enough.

Remus nodded, “Yeah it’s okay I have him. Thank you, James.”

“Bye Remus.”

James walked back into The Black Dog with his head reeling. What was Regulus talking about?

Present – 30th May 1983
Lily’s POV

Mary’s apartment was a place that Lily had grown familiar with over the years. It was a place of memories—both good and bad. It was a snapshot of their relationship.

The couch Mary had held her on as she cried in her chest after Petunia called to tell her that their mother had died. The bedroom door Mary had slammed after Lily asked her to stay in London. The front door she had slammed when Mary had asked her to move with her. The dried lilies hung up in their frames on the wall.

Lily had knocked on the door knowing that what was about to happen was inevitable. They both knew it. They loved each other, they truly did. But, they didn’t fit as people anymore.

So, when Mary opened the door and greeted her with a sombre smile her heart sank. Fuck. Today was the dreaded day, wasn’t it?

“Hi, Lily.”

“Mary.” She couldn’t stop her voice from breaking.

Lily watched Mary blink back tears as her girlfriend opened the door and gestured inside. “Come in. I’ll make us both some tea.”

She nodded and walked inside, unsure whether she should sit at the table or on the couch. So, Lily awkwardly stood in the middle of the area as Mary made their tea. She watched as her girlfriend flitted around the kitchen with purpose. To the untrained and unfamiliar eye, it would seem that Mary was completely unaffected by the situation. But Lily knew Mary. She could see the little shakes in her hands as she removed the mugs from the cupboard. Mary was an actress—a fucking good one at that—but Lily could see that this was affecting them both.

It was Mary who made the decision on where they would sit, carrying a mug in either hand as they led them to the couch. She placed the tea on the coffee table and twisted towards Lily with her feet folded up underneath her.

Lily mirrored the action and took a deep shaky breath. “We need to talk.”

“I know,” Mary replied as a tear rolled down her face.

“I love you, Mary. I do. But—” Lily paused to inhale sharply, her heart aching as the words fell from her mouth “—I heal for a living, Mary. But for some reason, I can’t heal us.”

“I think we’ve been broken for too long,” Mary told her, tears falling down the girl’s beautiful face.

“Do you think if we started earlier we could have fixed us?” Lily asked, holding back the sob that threatened to escape.

“I think we tried,” Mary replied. “Maybe not hard enough and maybe not the right way but we did try. I just think we left too many things unresolved and that scarred our relationship.”

“I guess that means that we’ll always carry each other with us,” Lily smiled sadly.

“You’ll always have me, Lily,” Mary assured her, reaching for her hand. “We were friends first and that will never change.”

“I will always support you. I’m sorry if it ever seemed like I didn’t but I do,” Lily told her because she needed Mary to know. “And when the time comes and you have your big break in the media I will be there for you, just like when you were there for me at St Mungo’s.”

“I love you, Lily. Never forget that. I know you are going to achieve great things.”

The two of them folded into one another, wrapped in a tight embrace. Lily’s face was pressed into Mary’s chest as she cried, horrible sobbing sounds falling out of her mouth. Mary was pressing kisses into Lily’s hair.

Fuck. Lily was going to miss this girl. But it was their time.

And in the end, Lily did not regret the relationship they had.

Present – 30th May 1983
Regulus’ POV

He and Remus were once again in The Black Dog after swearing they wouldn’t come back. He honestly didn’t know why they kept coming back. Maybe if they said they would be back they wouldn’t return.

However, technically only Regulus had returned since Remus refused to step foot into the bar. Instead, he was outside smoking a cigarette in the side alleyway.

It felt weird for him to actually be taking advice from his brother. Especially considering it was from the brother that had fucked up his own relationship with Remus.

He was hidden in a darker corner of the bar, where he had been for the last hour watching James move around the bar. He did feel like a stalker with the intensity that he watched James’ reactions with others. The first time that a woman had boldly placed her hand on his arm and looked at him with a smile Regulus was surprised the glass in his hand didn’t break in his grip. But James had politely brushed the woman off and continued pouring drinks.

It didn’t surprise Regulus how often that happened. Once people got alcohol in them they were more forward when flirting with others and James—who was, in Silas’ words, ‘one of the hottest players in the history of the Quidditch League’—was right in front of them. Who wouldn’t give their shot at flirting with him?

What did surprise him was that James did not entertain a single one of them. James, the boy who had been openly flirting with Regulus every time he stepped foot in here, did not use that James Potter charm on anyone. Did the Puddlemere United Quidditch players go celibate during their season?

Another half an hour went by and he watched as he approached a girl who was seated at the bar. James leaned in close, exchanging conversation with her. It was an unfortunate angle for Regulus to watch from as James had his back to him.

He could, however, see the moment that he picked up the girl’s hand, moving it out of Regulus’ view. What the fuck? Then, the girl was sliding off the stool with James’ arm looping around her shoulder. Regulus was now confused. What was going on?

James led the girl away from the bar and that was when Regulus realised that they were heading towards the back room. The same back room he had spent some of last night sprawled on the floor with his brother and a bottle of firewhiskey. It was also the place that Remus and Sirius had been… no Regulus didn’t even want to think about it. He shuddered at the thought of what his best friend and brother were doing back there.

But here James was leading a girl back there. Fuck. Did he have James Potter wrong?

As soon as James pushed the door open—confirming that Regulus was correct about where the pair were going—he jumped to his feet without a second thought. Because fuck that. He wasn’t going to stand around and watch.

He took several steps towards the door and stopped. He stopped because it hit him. Perhaps this was what he needed to officially let go of James Potter.

Regulus didn’t pause to thoroughly read through the situation and began walking towards the door. He had a clear pathway as if an external force wanted this to happen. No one was in his path to halt his train of thought. He just continued with sheer determination.

The door was loud as he opened it, pushing it with another force that it slammed against the wall. He truly didn’t care for the damages, his brother owned the club and he could handle any repairs.

“Sirius, is that you?” He heard James’ voice call out from the room at the end of the hallway.

James and the girl were hidden from view and Regulus did take a moment then to question whether he should turn around and leave. But when it came to the fight or flight instinct, unlike Remus, Regulus faced his problems. So, he didn’t respond to James and made the trek down the hallway.

As he emerged into the room he called out, “Alright, Potter. We need to talk—”

He paused as he saw the girl sitting on a small couch, one hand cradling the other. James was standing against a small kitchen set up, his hand reaching into a small black bag.

“Reggie?” James spun around with wide eyes.

The girl looked up at him and gave him a small wave. “Hello.”

Oh fuck this girl was piss drunk.

James finished searching for whatever he was looking for in the bag and pulled at a small, flat object.

“Here you go.” The man held out a paper rectangle to the girl. “I knew we had some muggle plasters back here.”

“T-thanksss,” the girl slurred and took it from him, attempting to open it.

Regulus looked on in a mix of shock, confusion and relief. Oh fuck. Well, he did put himself in this situation.

“Here.” James took the plaster back and unwrapped it, placing it around the girl’s finger.

“What a funny little invention,” the girl giggled as she stood up and attempted to walk back down the hallway towards the door. Regulus had stepped to the side but she still hadn’t quite made it to him yet, stumbling over her feet.

James caught her and gripped her by the shoulders. “Let’s get you back to your friend.”

“Girlfriend,” the girl corrected.

“Your girlfriend, sorry,” James said with a smile.

Regulus began backing away towards the door. He wanted to leave. He needed to leave. Obviously, he didn’t walk in on the situation he expected. And he was now thinking back against his original plan to talk to James about their past.

However, it seemed that James had every intention of having this conversation, pinning Regulus with a pointed glare.

“No.” James narrowed his eyes. “You are staying right there. If you so much as disappear from this room I will comb through every building in London looking for you.”

Well fuck. He didn’t want that to happen. The odds of James finding him were slim but he really did not want to face James when—and if—he saw him again. Which seemed to be likely. The universe seemed to want them to have this conversation and he was certain they would keep getting pushed together until that happened.

James returned several minutes later and Regulus did not move an inch. Even when James came to stand in front of him—closer than what people would deem polite—he did not move. He told himself that it was because he could not move. His back was to the wall after all.

The two of them stood in a silence that made his skin crawl under James’ heated gaze. The tension hung in the air and Regulus soon realised that if he didn’t prompt a conversation their time back here might turn into what kept happening to Sirius and Remus. Maybe it was the curse of the back room.

Desperate to break the tension he rolled his eyes. “A plaster? What happened to simple healing spells?”

“Magic and alcohol do not mix, Reggie,” James explained. “Sirius decided to keep a muggle healing kit in the back of the bar for emergencies.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Did you learn that from experience?”

“You would be familiar with the parties at Hogwarts, Reggie. We were warned by older students when we started attending the Gryffindor gatherings. Apparently, when a student was injured another student mixed up episkey with entomorphis.”

“He was turned into an insect? Really?” He scoffed. “Those spells sound nothing alike.”

James shrugged. “It’s what alcohol does, Reggie.”

“Or it’s what silly teenage Gryffindors do.”

James grinned at him. “Bringing back house animosity when you are twenty-two. How mature of you, Reggie.”

Regulus sighed, bringing his arms up to fold them across his chest. “Can you stop saying that horrendous name in every sentence?”

“No can do, Reggie.”

He unfolded his arms to bring them up in exasperation, desperately wanting to bring his hands around James' neck and shake. “You are so exasperating. Why am I even here? I should go.”

James took a small step toward him, ensuring that Regulus couldn’t easily escape. There still remained a sizeable gap between them, enough that neither of them could touch each other without intention to do so.

“Why did you come back here, Reggie?” James asked, tilting his head at him.

“You wanted to talk, Potter. Here I am.”

James winced. “Please, don’t call me that. If you won’t call me Jamie, at least call me James.”

“Well, what did you want to talk about, James?”

A genuine smile crossed the man’s face briefly before it morphed into full seriousness. “Last night, in your drunk state, you said I broke your heart.”

“Yes. Isn’t that obvious?”

James sighed and Regulus could sense the man’s frustration, even if it utterly confused Regulus on why. “How did I break your heart if you were the one that ended it?”

Regulus frowned. “Is that a genuine question or are you playing dumb?”

“I genuinely don’t know what I did.”

Regulus laughed grimly. “You broke my heart and you don’t know how. How fitting. Are you still playing with my feelings all these years later? I’m not naive as I once was, James.”

James ran his hands through his hands and briefly turned to his side, an emotion that looked like pain crossing his face. He then turned back to Regulus. “You know you broke me just as good? You weren’t the only one hurting then. I thought we were perfect.”

Regulus scoffed. “Were we really James? You didn’t seem like we were perfect. And you had a shit way of showing that you were hurt.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” James’ voice was loud enough to make Regulus flinch. James, seeing his reaction, softened his voice but the intensity still remained the same. “I couldn’t stop crying for the entire weekend. Sirius and Peter smuggled food up for me because I couldn’t get out of bed. I dragged myself to my final exams and was lucky enough to get a passing grade on them. I was a mess, I had to put a glamour up to hide the circles under my eyes and their redness from crying.”

Regulus paused. “How am I supposed to believe you?”

“Why wouldn’t you believe me?”

“Because I thought you liked me! But I was wrong. You made it look so believable. I thought the relationship we had was more than what we labelled it as, or, had the potential to become more. I really—” he paused to take a deep breath, feeling vulnerable. “I really liked you, James. And what you said hurt me.”

“What I said? What did I say?” James asked, genuine confusion on his face.

“I overheard you talking to a group of students saying that you wanted freedom and didn’t want to be tied down.” Regulus’ voice broke. “And then just days after our… relationship ended I saw you walking the corridor holding another girl's hand. I watched you kiss her on the cheek!”

James looked confused. “What? I don’t—” He broke off, deep in thought as if his mind was trying to return to his days at Hogwarts. Several seconds later, he looked at Regulus with an expression of disbelief. “Merlin’s sake. Godric fucking Gryffindor. Are you telling me you ended things from a conversation taken completely out of context?”

“Out of context?” Regulus snapped. “I could gather the context—”

“No. Regulus, what did I say?” James interrupted. “What were the exact words that left my mouth?”

“You expect me to remember that all these years later.” He lied because of course he remembered. Those words replayed in his mind, haunting him even all these years later.

James sighed, once again running his hands through his hair. “I know you, Regulus. I know you do.”

Regulus hesitated. “You said ‘Give me the freedom I want. I don’t want to be tied down to something just because something better hasn’t come along yet. Give me time to get more options. I don’t want to commit to something that I don’t wish to be around in the long-term.’”

Silence followed for a full minute after. Regulus watched James carefully as if he could see inside the man’s brain to whatever he was thinking about. Eventually, James replied.

“And you assumed I was talking about us?”

Something in Regulus’ chest tensed, he paused for several seconds. “It was pretty fucking obvious.”

“Was it? Was it really? Fuck’s sake Regulus. I don’t think I can talk to you right now. I’m so mad at you.” James looked away from Regulus, tilting his head back with his eyes closed. “I was talking about contracts with Quidditch teams. I was waiting on other offers so I didn’t have to settle down with the Tutshill Tornados.”

“What?” Regulus felt all the colour drain from his face. No. It couldn’t be true. He couldn’t have been wrong.

James’ eyes returned to his face. “You should have asked me about it. You should have mentioned it, not just broken up with me. Why the fuck didn’t you talk to me?”

“I don’t know,” Regulus whispered, any defence vanishing from his voice and face.

“And that girl was Peter’s cousin Enid. She asked me to help her get back at her boyfriend who was now dating the girl he cheated on her with. So, yes, I did hold her hand and kiss her cheek but that was it. I was helping out the family of a friend, not moving on from you.” James’ face contorted into one of pain.

“I–I–” Regulus started, struggling to find the words.

“Save it,” James told him, turning towards the door as he released a shaky breath. “I need time to think.”

Then James walked away from him and Regulus crumbled at the realisation that he might have just lost James for good. He had never lost James. Not really. James was the one who had lost him because Regulus had pushed him away. Because Regulus didn't seek clarification on what he had overheard.

Why was he like this? Why did he assume the worst?

He started scratching at the tattoo on the back of his arm, begging it to vanish from his skin.

Remus’ POV

Remus took another drag from his cigarette, blowing out the smoke as he watched the people walking along the main street of Absconditus Alley. Couples had walked past, hand in hand. Even mothers and their children had walked passed, swinging arms and pointing at objects in various shop windows.

Remus had agreed to come with Regulus on the basis that he didn’t step foot in the bar. It was for the better really. Nothing good came of Remus going into the bar. He was ashamed of himself. He wasn’t a cruel person but he felt like one. Last night, when Regulus had admitted to him on their way home that he had made Sirius cry, a part of him had died a little. He didn’t want to make Sirius cry, he just didn’t want to relive the past. And now he was left with the guilt of knowing that he had hurt the person who once meant so much to him. Even if they never would be the same again.

He lifted his cigarette to his lips and inhaled, letting the smoke fill his lungs. There was something about smoking here that left a dull ache in his chest, a weird sense of nostalgia. Perhaps it was the proximity to Sirius—the man that he had spent time in the alleyways of Hogsmeade with as they shared a cigarette. It was like his chest—his heart—knew that there was a brick wall separating the two of them. He hoped that his heart knew that it was for the best. He didn’t want to be a cruel person to anyone.

He buried his head in his hands, letting the cigarette fall to the ground. He wondered how much longer Regulus was going to take. It had been over an hour since his friend had walked into the bar and Remus was left in the dark about what was going on in there. His control was waning. He knew that he should really go and check on his friend, see if he was okay. But he knew it was a bad idea.

The bang of a door further up the alleyway made Remus jump, his head snapping down as he watched a figure emerge from somewhere in the bar. He hadn’t seen any side doors in the bar that would lead out here and based on the door’s location, it should connect to the space in the back room of The Black Dog.

But Remus watched as the person slumped against the wall, a movement he knew well. In fact, it was a person he knew. His hair wasn’t down like it had been in his recent weeks, instead, it was pulled up into a messy bun on top of his head, small pieces falling out around the man’s face.

Remus knew he should leave. He knew that he should give Sirius space. But he also wanted to apologise for how he had treated Sirius. For how he made the man cry. Then, he would leave The Black Dog and actually never return. He would erase himself from this place.

Sirius didn’t hear him coming until he was several steps away and when he looked in Remus’ direction he froze, a cautious look crossing his face. He moved away from the wall and turned towards Remus, slightly raising his shaky hands.

“No. I’m not going to let you close enough to do that.”

Remus frowned and opened his mouth, only to be stopped by Sirius as he continued.

“I want you to listen, Remus Lupin. I don’t want to snog and I don’t want you to run away. I want you to listen.”

Remus halted, stopping at a respectable distance. He didn’t say anything. He was afraid that he would say the wrong thing. He knew that if Regulus had the strength to have his conversation with James then he was strong enough to stand there and let Sirius speak.

They both stood there for several seconds staring at each other. It was possible that Sirius had been waiting for Remus’ verbal agreement or for him to run away. But Remus didn’t. And Sirius must have realised that he wasn’t going to because the man took a deep breath and began talking.

“Remus, I get what I did was shitty and I will spend the rest of my life if I have to apologising and making it up to you but I still should not be treated this way. What happened seven years ago was a mistake that I wish I could go back and erase. But I can’t.” Sirius’ voice broke on the last word and he paused, inhaling sharply before continuing. “And even though I know I shouldn't, I continue to let you treat me this way because it’s the only way you will let me get close to you. And I want to be close to you because—” Sirius broke off and Remus watched the man’s jaw clench and unclench as if he was fighting to keep a sob from escaping him.

“I loved you and I love you, Remus,” Sirius said. “Past and present. I never stopped, if I’m being honest. But I have to end this for my own sake. I’m letting you go, Remus. You can go back to living your life with Lily, my brother and his friends. You are free to walk around London without being scared of running into me. You can visit James and talk to the rest of our friends—who also miss you Remus and I know that it is partly my fault.”

Remus felt his own heart clench in his chest. Sirius was giving him a goodbye speech. The one he avoided when he left Hogwarts seven years ago. The one he still didn’t want to hear now. He wanted Sirius to scream at him and beg him to take him back. He realised that he didn’t want to give an official goodbye to Sirius and he never wanted to. A part of him knew—even all those years ago—that if they said goodbye then their story would come to an end and never be reopened. But he wanted that story to end. He wanted to write that happy ending.

The words coming out of Sirius’ mouth were punctuated by the pain in the man’s voice. “But please don’t live your life in fear of seeing me because I will do my best to stay out of your way. Live, Remus. Find someone who loves you as much as you love them because I can tell you how much it sucks when you don’t have that. Marry a woman if you want or live the rest of your life with a man. Settle down and have kids. Don’t let me stop you.”

And as Sirius walked back towards the door, his attention was brought to the tattoos on the man’s arm. Particularly the one that had ‘moonage daydream’ printed in the place where Regulus’ sun tattoo was. And he wanted Sirius to come back so that he could study the ink on his arm. He wanted Sirius to come back so he could tell him that he didn’t want to live a life without him. That the past seven years without him had been filled with sorrow.

Sirius opened the door, pausing as he looked back at Remus, running his eyes over him as if he was committing his appearance to memory.

“Bye, Moony.”

The door clicked shut and Remus stood still as he watched the empty space where Sirius had once been.

Several minutes later he reached for the door handle, desperately wanting to chase the man down and tell him that he was wrong and an idiot and was sorry. He held Sirius all these years later for the actions of a younger man that were full of anger. But Sirius was remorseful and Remus was a fool.

He turned the handle only for it to not move.

Locked.

Sirius had ensured that he wouldn’t follow.

Remus and Regulus were back in their apartment, sitting on their couch with puffy eyes and drawn expressions. Regulus had his thighs folded up and pressed to his chest, his chin resting on his knees.

They had mostly remained silent other than their sobs and occasional sniffles. They hadn’t spoken about what had happened in the conversations they had earlier but they didn’t need to. It was written across their faces. Literally. You would think that a family member had died from the appearance of both of them.

Regulus had stumbled into the alleyway about fifteen minutes after Sirius had gone inside and found Remus sobbing with his back pressed against the wall of the alleyway. Remus had looked up and saw that Regulus had tears falling down his face too. He had climbed to his feet and the two friends made their way back to their apartment in silence.

When they entered they didn’t go to their rooms to lock themselves away and rot in their misery. Instead, Regulus had followed him to the couch where they had now been for the last two hours.

Regulus sniffed, raising a hand to wipe the silent tears that fell from his face. “Are we both idiots?” He asked, glumly.

“I know I am,” Remus replied.

“I fucked up, Rem,” Regulus told him, ending with another sob. “I ended something that was so good for no logical reason.”

“Me too,” Remus breathed out, not knowing what else to say. He didn’t know how to comfort his friend at that moment. He didn’t even know how to comfort himself.

They fell into silence again and Remus fell deep into his thoughts. It was half an hour later when a knock on the door made them both jump, pulling them from the recesses of their mind.

They looked at each other. They were truly in no state to answer the door. And when neither of them climbed to their feet they were in silent agreement that they would let the person assume that they weren’t home.

However, another knock came several seconds later, followed by a faint voice from the hallway outside. “Regulus. Remus. Open this door please.”

Regulus’ head snapped towards Remus and immediately jumped to his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he walked towards the door.

Remus watched as his friend opened the door and revealed the woman standing outside. He certainly didn’t expect to have her visit their apartment at this hour.

Regulus’ voice was hoarse as he addressed the woman. “Margaret, why are you here?”

The woman didn’t respond with words. Instead, she took one look at Regulus’ face and took his cheeks in both of her hands. Remus could see that Regulus crumbled, another sob racking his body as the woman pulled him into a hug. He felt another tear fall down his face at the sight of the two embracing.

When she released him from the hug, she folded his arm in hers and shut the door, walking them over to the couch.

“Some blonde girl showed up at the coffee shop and told me you’d both need me tonight,” she explained as she sat on the couch between the two men.

“Pandora,” Regulus confirmed with a smile. “That girl knows everything.”

“Do you boys want to talk about what happened or do you need to still get all your emotions out?” Margaret asked them in a soft voice, a motherly tone.

That was enough to make Regulus start sobbing again. And Remus knew that it was because Margaret had grown to become a motherly figure to him. He knew that Walburga never would have offered his friend this comfort and love. He would never have been permitted to show sadness in front of the woman—emotions were weaknesses in the Black family.

“I fucked up my love life,” Regulus explained between sobs and Margaret wrapped an arm around him.

“Your love life will grow once again. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

“I want him.”

And Remus—feeling the exact same way—started crying so hard he was sure he was hyperventilating. He was becoming a mess of tears and felt bad for Margaret as she wrapped her arm around him as well and let him stain her paisley shirt with his tears.

“Now. Now. Boys,” Margaret soothed. “How are we going to fix this mess?”

Neither of them replied and they folded themselves into the comfort of the elderly witch’s arms. It wasn’t until the sound of their door being unlocked that they leaned back and looked as a familiar witch walked in.

And fuck. She looked just as bad as Regulus and Remus, her eyes just as puffy as them. Merlin. Did they all break their own hearts today?

Lily walked in and closed the door behind her. Remus watched as her shoulders slumped forward in on herself as she took in the atmosphere of the room.

Margaret tilted her head back so she could see the new addition to the apartment. “Oh, another one. Come here, sweetheart. Join the hug circle.”

And they all somehow made room for Lily on the couch, all three of them crying into the old woman’s loving arms.