the black dog

Present – 23rd May 1983
Lily’s POV

St Mungo’s was surprisingly quiet for a Monday morning. Well quieter than usual.

Lily spread herself out across the hospital, having trained to be specialised in treating patients in all wards. However, the ones she most often found herself in were the 'Dangerous' Dai Llewellyn Ward and the Janus Thickey Ward. The former was one she was particularly attached to, knowing that this was where Remus spent a lot of his time as a child and after he left Hogwarts.

However, it was now mid-afternoon and there had not been many visitors to either ward. She knew it would pick up this Thursday—the day after the full moon—as there is always at least one daredevil that tests their chance with fate to get close to a werewolf. Usually, they were lucky and got away with scars from their claws, others were unfortunately bitten.

She had spent most of the morning checking up on the long-term patients in the Janus Thickey Ward, those that had permanent spell damage that made them require constant care.

When Aarya—the Head Healer—called Lily into her office to ask her to spend the rest of her shift reorganising and refilling the potions from The Alchemy room to the storage room she jumped at the opportunity. If she was completely honest, she didn’t want to wait around for something to do, she needed something that could keep her brain busy. Her love life was much like the rest of her friends; in shambles. She hadn’t seen Mary in a week now. They had their own apartments and hadn’t found the time recently to plan a date or talk.

The first cart of potions she was transporting from The Alchemy to the cabinet was filled with various pastes, balms and liquids to treat stings, cuts and burns. She had taken the time to pour into their bottles and carefully label them, a tedious and important job that required her complete focus. The last thing the hospital needed was an incorrect potion used on a patient.

The cabinet was located on the ground floor, in a back room that was inaccessible to the public, for obvious reasons. Security in the room was high enough that theft of the potions had not occurred in close to a decade.

She smiled at the Welcome Witch as she pushed the cart to the doorway, keying in the codes to the intricate lock. The cabinet was big. It took Lily by surprise every time. Potions were precariously organised by injury or illness, and then in alphabetical order within them. Potions for general illnesses had their own section—which was the largest by far. The potioneers in The Alchemy were constantly brewing new potions daily, knowing that at any moment an outbreak of disease could occur and affect hundreds of people—like the Dragon Pox outbreak several years ago that had almost taken the lives of James’ parents.

She pushed her cart further into the storeroom, around the shelves towards the stings, cuts and burns section.

What she wasn’t expecting was for someone to already be in the section, removing potions off of the shelves and placing them into what Lily could assume to be a portable Healer’s kit.

What put her guard up was that the person wasn’t wearing Healer’s robes, not just from St Mungo’s but any robes at all. She was wearing a mid-length white skirt and a brown jacket—definitely not what a Healer would wear. Lily had yet to see the person’s face but found herself captivated by their hair. It was such a light shade of blonde it was almost pure white, falling in small braids to their waist. Some of the braids were pulled back off of her face to the back of her head, enabling Lily to see the arrangement of earrings adorning the girl's ears as she turned her head slightly. The girl crouched down to one of the lower shelves and began restocking her bag with the bottles stored down there.

It was a surprise that the girl hadn’t turned around at Lily’s approach, the trolley was old and an alarm to anyone around as it was pushed along the ground. She came to a stop and cleared her throat, “Can I help you?”

The girl paused, rising to her feet and turning around with a smile on her face. “Oh, Lily Evans. I had a feeling I would see you here.”

Lily studied the girl’s face, observing the jewellery in her nose and the piercing across the bridge between her eyes. She was pretty, there was no doubt about it. But did that excuse the breaking in and stealing potions? No. It did not.

There was a vague familiarity in the girl’s face as if the white blonde hair and brown skin were something she had seen before. But Lily was sure she had never met this person before, even though she had been greeted as if they had. Merlin Lily would feel like a bitch if she did know this person and was just about to question them on why they were here.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” She said, as politely as possible, forcing one of the smiles she reserved for strangers onto her face.

The girl didn’t seem to take any offence to the question, if anything she smiled in amusement. “Doesn’t everyone know everyone? I’m sure our souls would have met in another lifetime.”

“I meant in this lifetime,” Lily replied, rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry but I do not remember your name if we have met.”

The girl tilted her head and looked Lily up and down, not in an I’m checking you out kind of way but rather the way someone would check another person for injuries. Lily’s skin prickled under her gaze as if her body was having a physical reaction to the girl’s eyes.

The girl’s eyes returned to Lily’s face. “Pandora Rosier.”

Lily’s stomach sank. “Evan’s twin?”

Pandora nodded. “Yes.”

“Regulus’ best friend?”

“Yes. Ever since our first train ride to Hogwarts.”

“Oh. Sorry to not recognise you.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to. We haven’t seen each other since Hogwarts and we weren’t exactly close there.”

“Does Regulus and your other friends know you are in London?”

“It was a spontaneous visit today. I was out of some Potions and needed to restock. Burn potions mainly.” She nodded to her bag.

Lily looked cautiously at the girl’s bag. “I don’t mean to be rude but do you have the authority to be here?”

Pandora laughed. “I’m a healer. For magical creatures.”

“Oh. Really?” Lily asked with genuine curiosity. “I didn’t know they used the same potions as witches and wizards..”

“Yes. I’ve spent the last year in Romania training young healers on how to treat dragons. I plan to be fully back in London by August.”

“Why collect Potions here in St Mungos? What about Romania?”

“Romania’s hospital isn’t like St Mungo’s. It’s smaller and less specialised. St Mungo’s storage is also larger and I could take as much as I need and still leave here with plenty of potions left for the patients in your hospital.”

Lily nodded.

“Are you usually this sad?”

“What?”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be so forward. It’s just—your aura—it’s so sad. There is such a heavy weight on your chest.”

“You can read my aura?” Lily asked.

“I was naturally gifted with the ability. But yours is quite depressing, I’m sorry to say. I’ve only seen one other quite like it.”

“Regulus’?”

Pandora smiled grimly.

“What does that mean? How do I fix it?”

“An aura isn’t something that can be fixed with potions. It’s usually an event or a person in someone’s life that they need to recover from—by either facing the situation or removing themselves from it. In Regulus’ case—his aura changed in May of 1978.”

“Ah.”

A silence fell between them.

“How did you end up as a Healer for magical creatures?” Lily asked, genuinely curious as to why Regulus and Remus hadn’t brought it up before.

“I always had a soft spot for them and it is where my gift comes in handy,” Pandora explained. “It is easier to pinpoint spots of pain on magical creatures by looking at their auras. Most of them we are unable to communicate with in the way that we know how.” She gestured to her mouth. “My gift means I don’t have to touch them and cause them more discomfort.”

Lily offered the girl a smile. “I’m glad you are doing something you love.”

Lily stood still as Pandora’s eyes studied her once again, and she was unsure whether the girl was studying her aura or her.

Pandora smiled. “I can sense you have a kind heart and soul, Lily. Anyone would treasure having you in their life.”

Lily froze, wondering if Pandora was trying to tell her something. But before she could ask, Pandora was gesturing to her Potions bag.

“I should get going and bring these back to Romania.”

Present – 29th May 1983
Regulus’ POV

“Why the fuck am I here?” Regulus muttered under his breath as their group pushed through the crowds towards their seats.

“You mean why the fuck are we here?” Remus replied, his head lowered towards Regulus’ ear so he could hear the response over the boisterous crowd.

Regulus turned his head to look at his friend, who—just like Regulus—was not dressed up in the colours of either Quidditch team playing today. “Your impeccable hearing skills never fail to scare me.”

“They’ve been on high alert ever since the full moon. It’s bloody annoying actually, the volume of this crowd is giving me a headache.”

“Can that be our excuse to leave?”

“Right because we are both so codependent if one leaves the other has to follow.”

Regulus doesn’t get the chance to answer, as Lily comes bounding up from behind to lay a piece of fabric around his neck. She’s strangling me, is his first thought. His second is where the fuck did she acquire this ghastly scarf from. It was navy blue—the Puddlemere United team’s colours. And it hits Regulus then; James no longer wears his Gryffindor red robes when playing. Today he would see James—and Marlene—in a blue that reminded him of the Ravenclaw team.

He’s so lost in thought that when he turns he shakes his head and turns to where Remus and Lily are talking he laughs. He laughs because Lily has managed to wrestle a navy blue beanie onto Remus’ head. And the man looks offended. Remus’ eyes sharpen as he turns to glare at him, a warning in his eyes to stop laughing. Regulus was thankful that he had received the scarf and not the beanie.

“Regulus Black?” A voice chuckled from somewhere behind him. “Never imagined I’d see you again outside the workplace.”

A pit formed in Regulus’ stomach as he turned around and forced a somewhat pleasant smile on his face. Inside his brain was a chorus of fuck fuck fuck.

“Silas.” He nodded, trying to stifle his laughter at the sight of the man’s clothing. He certainly didn’t stand out—he was dressed just as chaotically as every other fan.

“It’s okay. You can laugh. I know it’s horrible but my brother makes me do this for every game.”

“The Caerphilly Catapults have unfortunate colours,” Regulus told his coworker.

Silas sighed. “At least it isn’t as bad as the Wimbourne Wasps.”

“It comes close though.”

“I ask my brother before every game why he picked the Catapults for his team. Why not something like Puddlemere,” Silas gestured to Regulus’ scarf, “so I don’t have to embarrass myself in every game.”

Regulus looked the man up and down, suppressing a smile. The outfit truly was horrendous. The Catapults jersey was a pale green with bright red vertical stripes that were not flattering for anybody. On Silas’ cheeks were striped light green and red paint to match. The outfit was finished off with a ridiculous striped hat.

“Are you watching with your brother?”

“Oh no, Finn is on the team. Beater.”

“Oh, I didn’t know. I don’t follow Quidditch.”

“I thought you played while you were at school?”

“I did. Seeker. Siri—,” he took a deep breath, “ah, my brother was a beater.”

“We both have brothers that like to target their inner anger on smacking the shit out of balls on a Quidditch pitch?”

“It seems so.”

The two fell quiet and Regulus shifted uncomfortably under the man’s gaze. Somehow knowing what the man wanted to ask Regulus.

Silas sighed. “Look Reg. I think you’re attractive and I would ask you out on a date but I have a feeling you would say no. Correct?”

Regulus pressed his lips together, not sure how to answer that question. The truth was that he didn’t know. He didn’t do dating. He—and Remus—did one-night stands but had never actually been on a date. Remus seemed to have a good reason—he was terrified of being seen in public but Regulus… Regulus just hadn’t found someone worthy of giving his time to. His brain screamed at him to try, to say yes to an offer and see how it went. But his heart screamed no, as if there was one name etched into the muscle there, marked permanently into his soul. One part of him loved that his heart held onto the past. The other wanted to take a knife and cut it out, let his heart cry and bleed.

“And I have a feeling it’s because of a Puddlemere player who is considered one of the hottest players in the history of the Quidditch League.”

“I—well—you see…” Regulus trailed off, at a loss for words on how he could appropriately respond.

Silas smiled. “I’m not blind. I know that other night was…”

“I’m sorry,” Regulus cut the man off. “I didn’t want you to feel used.”

Silas waved his hand. “Don’t be sorry. It was a little bit of fun and I enjoyed it. Plus, do you know how proud my brother would be if he knew I fucked with James Potter’s head? I might be promoted to his favourite sibling.”

“This ridiculous outfit isn’t enough to earn the title?”

Regulus and his friends had found their seats in the crowd, which was roaring from the excitement of the game. It was a sea of navy blue, light green and red.

Silas had been convinced by Evan and Barty to join them in the crowd and so Regulus found himself seated between him and Remus. Mary had shown up several minutes after Silas had spotted Regulus and was now seated in front of him beside Lily and Dorcas.

For the girlfriend of a Quidditch player, Dorcas was dressed simply but well. From where he was seated Regulus could see the name Mckinnon printed on the back of Dorcas’ navy blue jersey. If Dorcas were to turn around to look at Regulus, he would see the stripes of blue paint across her cheeks.

Regulus observed as Remus relaxed in the seat upon realising that Sirius was seated nowhere near them. It was likely that his brother had special privileges that allowed him to sit with the coach, Sirius knew how to charm his way into the things he wanted. And Regulus was sure that James would have had a hand in that.

There was a roar of excitement in the crowd as the screen in front of them that projected the game switched on, displaying two Catapult fans who turned their heads towards each other to kiss.

“Oh Merlin, this stadium has the kiss cam!” Lily turned around in her seat beside Mary to smile back at them.

“A kiss cam?” Remus asked.

Regulus’ face was one of horror as he asked, “What the fuck is that?”

“The camera focuses on a couple in the crowd and they kiss,” Lily explained.

Regulus looked back up to the screen as another couple popped up. He watched as the girl squealed in excitement and threw her arms around the man seated beside her, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

“Some people’s wish is to be on the camera, especially in a stadium so big,” Dorcas chimed in.

“Why would that be someone’s dream?” Remus frowned.

“It’s a romantic gesture of sorts,” Lily told them. “Imagine being able to show your love between you and your partner to a stadium filled with thousands of people.”

Regulus' attention returned to the screen in time to see two familiar faces. Barty was quick, pulling Evan into a thorough snog as the camera projected the two of them onto the screen in front of the crowd.

Once the camera was away, Regulus turned to Barty who was seated two seats away from him—Remus in between. “You smug bastard. Who did you pay so you got your little moment?”

Barty only gave him a smirk in response, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Er… Reg? You are on the screen,” Remus nudged him with his elbow.

“What do you mean I’m on the screen?”

Regulus snapped his head towards the screen and sure enough, his panicked face was there for the stadium to see. However, the camera wasn’t angled so he and Remus were in the shot. No, the camera had focused on him and Silas.

He found himself frozen in place.

“You meddling nuisances,” he hissed at Evan and Barty before turning towards Silas.

Silas pressed his lips together in a thin line, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly in a smile.

“These cameras don’t really move until a kiss has happened,” the man explained to Regulus.

“I just—in front of these people—”

And Silas’ lips were suddenly coming towards his face. He froze again, eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

Lips connected with Regulus’ cheek, a soft and brief press of lips to skin. Regulus felt guilty at the deep breath he blew out as the man pulled away and the camera moved on.

He turned towards Barty, leaning over Remus. “I don’t know what you did but you are dead.”

Barty shrugged, a move that was mirrored by Evan. “We don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Oh of course you don’t,” he crossed his arms and fell back into his seat.

A chuckle came from Remus’ direction and he retaliated by accidentally shoving his elbow into the man’s side.

The Quidditch game was way more intense than any game Regulus had played or observed at Hogwarts. But that was predictable—these people were professionals after all.

It was fast-paced. The players moved so fast it was almost a blur, the quaffle would be at one end and then at the other a few seconds later.

The game was long too. They had been sitting in the stand for about eight hours now—far longer than any game at Hogwarts. He knew that professional games last significantly longer than school matches but to actually experience it? It tired him out watching the players constantly flying around the pitch.

He found his eyes drawn to the seekers that floated above the match, remembering how years ago at Hogwarts he was in their position. The chaos between the Chasers, Keepers and Beaters went on below while you were focused on finding a small, golden snitch.

And from where he was in the crowd, he could see it. The Puddlemere United Seeker’s eyes had surely drifted over it multiple times, his head had been pointed in that direction as his eyes scanned the area. It surely wasn’t intentional, Puddlemere could win if they caught the snitch.

An outcry from the crowd led his attention to return to the chaos of the other players, and Regulus felt his breath catch in his throat. He held his breath as James narrowly avoided a bludger heading straight towards him, elegantly performing a manoeuvre while managing to keep the quaffle in his hands. Fucking show-off.

He had tried to keep his eyes away from James during the game and he had been doing fairly well. But there was something about the man that demanded Regulus’ attention. He still flew the same way he did at Hogwarts, the same way that had Regulus captivated by the man.

Back then, Regulus had been faster. It was given for a seeker to be better at speed and agility. But James… James had always been agile, able to perform quick manoeuvres and elegant turns to get away from players.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Puddlemere United player finally catch eyes on the snitch, expertly diving down towards the small golden object, closely followed by the Catapult’s seeker.

And just like that, almost nine hours later, the snitch was caught. It likely had to be a record for the shortest professional match.

Silas turned to him with a sigh. “Maybe I should have given you a proper snog in case James Potter was watching.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’m sure it could have distracted him enough to miss a few of those goals.”

Regulus scoffed. “I think you underestimate James’ love for quidditch.”

“Do I?” Silas said, raising an eyebrow. “Or do you underestimate the way that man looked at you the other night?”

Regulus found himself dragged down to the quidditch pitch once the game was over by his friends. Marlene had found where they were in the crowd and sent an escort to bring them down. Lily had put herself between him and Remus, looping an arm between both of them

Mary had left to go home and get some sleep. She had an early class tomorrow that she had to be alert for. Lily had kissed her girlfriend on the cheek, a smile on her face as she watched her walk off. When Mary had disappeared from sight, Regulus watched as Lily’s face dropped, disappointment and sadness consuming her. That expression had disappeared as soon as she got the opportunity to drag Remus and Regulus down to the pitch.

They were standing together in a small crowd away from where the two teams were gathered talking to their respective coaches. The Catapults had slumped shoulders as their coach’s mouth moved forcefully, a disappointed expression on his face.

James’ back was to Regulus as he stood beside Marlene. Regulus took the opportunity to let his eyes truly wander across the man while he couldn’t see him doing so. He could admit that the navy blue complimented James’ brown skin, as much as the red of the Gryffindor uniforms screamed James Potter.

“Who are you looking at?” Remus whispered into his ear and Regulus could hear the amusement in his voice.

Regulus didn’t move his eyes away from James, studying the back of his jersey and the printed “Potter” that expanded between his shoulder blades.

“Nothing. No one.”

“The blue is nice,” Remus mused.

“I suppose so,” he replied nonchalantly, ignoring the low laugh that emerged from his friend beside him.

He tore his eyes away from the man and found himself looking towards the Catapults, who had finished their conversation and dispersed, either heading towards the change rooms or meeting family and friends who had joined them on the pitch. Silas was talking to one of the players who looked almost like a mirror image of him—definitely his brother.

Regulus’ eyes returned to James, just in time for their team to be dismissed. He watched as Marlene turned to James and pointed in the direction of their group. He watched as James turned around with furrowed eyebrows towards him. He watched as James’ face morphed into one of disbelief, quickly changing into a grin.

Regulus could feel his cheeks heat under the gaze of the man. No, Regulus, he reprimanded himself, this man broke your heart. Ignore the smile. Ignore his pretty eyes. Just ignore his face. Look away.

And he did after several seconds, turning his head towards Remus as he felt James’ eyes on the side of his head as the two Quidditch players approached the group.

“Reggie, you’re here?” James’ voice called out from a few metres away. Regulus was sure he felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of James calling him that name.

He slowly turned his head towards the man and muttered a dismissive, “Potter.”

James’ face flickered briefly with an emotion too quick that Regulus could not pinpoint. “That’s not my name.”

Regulus scoffed. “Pretty sure that was what it says on the back of your jersey.”

James frowned, annoyance crossing his face. “The jersey is for the public, for the people who don’t know me personally.”

He raised an eyebrow. Could James really say something like that when the two of them hadn’t truly known each other for five years? “Are you saying we know each other personally?”

A smirk crossed the man’s face. “I’d say the relationship we had was pretty personal.”

Regulus scowled. “Potter, keyword: had.”

Marlene returned to James’ side after greeting her girlfriend. “See I surprised you with your lover boy. Didn’t want to tell you before and have you distracted during the game.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t see him on the big screen, Potter,” Barty called out and Regulus wanted to hit his friend. He had to give it to him, Barty knew how to cause trouble and was smart enough to think his schemes out thoughtfully. The man definitely deserved those twelve OWLs.

Regulus watched as James narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah that was one passionate kiss between him and Silas for the kiss cam,” Evan joined in.

“Silas—” James echoed, turning towards Regulus, “kiss cam?”

“Oh fuck off you two troublemakers,” Lily joined in, rolling her eyes.

Either James didn’t hear Lily or he didn’t process that Lily was confirming that the two were lying. “This isn’t the intruder from the other night is it?”

“Intruder?” Regulus asked, confused. And then it dawned on him that James was talking about Silas. The same Silas who was seated beside him during the match and was currently standing on the same pitch as him.

Barty nodded—despite definitely not knowing who James was referring to—and pointed towards Silas. “He’s standing over there talking to his brother.”

And at that moment, as if Silas had heard them talking about them, he had turned towards their group and saluted in Regulus’ direction.

James took a step towards the man.

“Okay, James. No,” Marlene grabbed his arm. “The adrenaline still hasn’t worn off.”

“Do you two really have to rile him up?” Dorcas turned towards Barty and Evan with a sigh.

“Who? Us?” Barty looked at her with an innocent expression on his face, clasping a hand on his chest and exaggerating his gasp. “We don’t know what you are talking about. And even if we did, he deserves it.”

“Doesn’t mean poor Silas has to be caught in the crossfire,” Lily argued.

James pulled his arm out of Marlene’s grip. “I just wanted to say hello to the guy that has caught Regulus’ attention.”

“Hmm. Very believable,” Marlene reached out to pat James’ arm. “How about you spend less time dwelling on him and more time on Regulus.”

Regulus panicked as James’ eyes returned to him. Nope. He didn’t want to do that. And that’s almost exactly what he told the group.

“Yeah no. I’m going to leave now.”

“What do you mean you’re leaving? You are coming to the victory drinks, aren’t you?” Marlene asked.

“Victory drinks?” Regulus echoed, frowning. No one had said anything to him about a celebration.

“That’s why Sirius left already,” James explained. “He’s gone to The Black Dog.”

Remus and Regulus exchanged a look, a mutual understanding travelling between them.

“We are gonna pass on that tonight,” Regulus told the two Quidditch players, forcing himself to focus on Marlene rather than James.

“Wait The Black Dog?” Barty called out. “Count me and Evan in. We have heard way too much about this place to say no.”

“Have fun then.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“What if I bribe you?” Evan asked with a mischievous smile on his face.

He scoffed, wondering truly what Evan could say that could convince him to come to that nightmare of a bar. “What could you possibly bribe me with?”

Evan said one word. “Pandora.”

That fucker.

“If we can get Pandora there, will you come?” Evan continued.

Regulus glared at them.

“Pandora and Remus?” Barty suggested.

Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus watched as Remus threw his hands up in exasperation. “I’m standing right here and I say no.”

“What if we bribe you with Lily,” Barty addressed Remus, gesturing to the redhead. “Your own personal guard dog.”

Lily scowled and raised her middle finger towards the man.

“If you manage to get Pandora there within ten minutes of us arriving then I will stay for as long as you wish. If not, I will be going home as soon as ten minutes have passed.”

“Is that a deal?” Evan asked and Regulus was slightly terrified at the determination on the man’s face.

“What?” Regulus scoffed. “You want to shake on it or something?”

Flashback – 10th March 1976 (Remus’ Birthday party - before the kiss)
Sirius’ POV

“Moony!” Sirius found himself calling out as he searched the crowd for his friend.

It was what he always did when the opening lines to this song came on.

“Prongs!” He called out as he spotted James making his way through the crowd. “Where’s Moony?”

James’ face lit up, smiling knowingly before pointing in the direction behind him. “I just saw him back there with Lily.”

Sirius didn’t hesitate as he pushed through the crowd in the direction of where James had pointed. His eyes scanned helplessly for his friend. For his tall, scarred and painfully attractive best friend.

The lyrics of the song continued to play in the background as he scanned the crowds.

I’ll be a rock ‘n’ rollin’ bitch for you.

Fuck, why did they invite so many people?

Keep your mouth shut.

And then he spotted him. Remus Lupin in all his glory. His moonage daydream.

“Moony!” He called out in relief, running towards where he was standing beside Lily. “Sorry, Lils, I’m stealing my moonage daydream from you.”

He looped his arm through Remus’ as he began pulling him back through the crowd, ignoring Lily calling out, “Just how much have you had to drink Sirius?”

And I’m bustin’ up my brains for the words.

Bowie was the only artist that Remus would dance to with a smile on his face. Moonage Daydream was his and Remus’ song, the one song that Remus would happily let Sirius pull him into a crowd to scream the lyrics at.

Remus had a smile on his face, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol as Sirius gripped him by the wrists. Fuck, Sirius knew he was drunk. But Remus was in front of him so he didn’t care. He let himself get lost in the music and the man in front of him.

Keep your ‘lectric eye on me, babe. Press your ray gun to my head.

Drunk Sirius clasped both hands on Remus’ cheeks and pulled his face closer as he sang the next line, choosing to ignore the heat of the man’s skin underneath his hands.

Press your space face close to mine, love.

Sirius slid his hands to the boy’s shoulders.

Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh, yeah.

Present – 29th May 1983

Sirius knew the moment the Puddlemere Quidditch players poured into his bar. It was hard not to notice them. Fortunately, they all had decided to shower and change out of their robes before they arrived—wearing clean jerseys with their names on them.

What Sirius didn’t expect to see was his brother and Remus Lupin walking into the bar behind Evan and Barty. Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadowes also trailed behind them, following them closely as they claimed one of the tables off to the side of the room. He watched as Marlene moved away from one of the tables the Quidditch players were seated at to go to her girlfriend, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she climbed onto the chair beside Dorcas.

Regulus and Remus were seated beside each other with their backs to Sirius, meaning that they could not see him watching them from where he helped Rosa pour drinks from behind the bar. He couldn’t help but chuckle as James walked up to the table and stood in the space beside Regulus’ chair, attempting to make conversation. His brother turned his head away from James and towards Remus but instead of being disheartened his face twisted into a smile as he looked down on the man adoringly. It had Sirius questioning whether he truly was blind. If this was the way that James had looked at Regulus back at Hogwarts then how did Sirius not know? James was an open book with his emotions and every part of his face screamed that he was in love with Sirius’ little brother.

Sirius’ eyes drifted into the crowd and his eyes narrowed on a girl with long pale blonde braids heading towards the table. He watched as Regulus and Remus turned around with big smiles on their faces to greet the girl. He was sure that he had seen this girl before, but he could not figure out where. He subtly watched while making a cocktail as she hugged Regulus, who seemed half pleased and half annoyed by her arrival. He then watched as Remus stood up from his chair to give the girl a hug, before pulling away to gesture to the empty seat beside him. The girl chuckled as she sat down, reaching out a hand to run her finger across Remus’ face.

Sirius’ stomach sank. She touched him so casually, right across the scars on his face and he didn’t flinch away. He didn’t cower. And Sirius wanted to cry.

But he didn’t. He took a deep breath and forced himself to look away and focus on the drinks he was making. The bar was filled with Puddlemere United supporters and everyone wanted a drink to celebrate. So, he let himself get lost in his job to take his mind off of Remus, Regulus and the pretty girl with the braids in her hair.

It was about an hour later when a song he knew too well began playing in the bar. A song that he had etched into his brain since 1972.

I’m an alligator.

And fuck, Sirius couldn’t help that his eyes drifted towards Remus and where he was seated beside Regulus and the girl.

Sirius watched as Remus—who had been conversing with the girl—let his mouth drop open in surprise, his face twisting with something that looked like sorrow.

The girl must have said something to him upon seeing his face change as the man shook his head and leant closer to her to respond. The girl’s hand reached out to clasp Remus’ arm, which Sirius noticed he didn’t flinch away from either. Whatever she told him had Remus smiling genuinely and Sirius acknowledged the pit of jealousy that grew in his stomach.

The girl jumped to her feet, her hand still on Remus’ arm as she pulled him to his feet. Sirius watched as Remus let her lead him onto the dance floor. The same way Sirius had led Remus all those years ago.

Don’t fake it, baby. Lay the real thing on me.

This song was intertwined with Remus and Sirius’ history. And here Remus was, jumping up to dance with a girl who didn’t know how much this song meant to Sirius. How over seven years ago he and Remus were dancing to this song together for the last time.

And Sirius wondered to himself how? Did Remus truly not miss him? How could Remus jump up so easily to dance to a song that—as of seven years ago—hurt Sirius when it came on?

He drifted away from where he was behind the bar so he could see the two figures clearer. He watched the two of them with a heavy weight in his chest, a crushing sorrow that was all-consuming.

Remus’ eyes somehow found him across the dancefloor and Sirius felt as if they were staring into his soul. He watched as the man bent down to whisper something in the girl’s ear and Sirius turned away, feeling suddenly ill.

He suddenly felt claustrophobic and began pushing his way through the crowd, apologising to the people he brushed past. He needed to get out of the room filled with people so that he could breathe. He was on the edge of a panic attack. He pushed open the door to the back room and leaned his shoulder against the wall with his back to the door, taking in a deep shaky breath.

He heard the door behind him open and close half a minute later.

He called out reassuringly to James, “Prongs, I’m fine. I just need a minute.”

No answer. Which was unusual for James.

“I’ll be out soon to celebrate with you,” he said again, louder, in case James hadn’t heard him the first time.

He suddenly got the feeling that this was not James who had just entered through the door. He turned around slowly and he couldn’t stop his face from crumbling briefly at the sight of the man standing before him.

As Remus Lupin walked towards him with a determined look on his face, Sirius inhaled sharply before their lips connected. And over the sound of their lips moving together, was the muted sound of David Bowie in the background.

Press your space face close to mine, love.

When the song came to an end, it seemed that Remus’ time here had too. It was as if the man was in a haze as the song was playing, and once the final notes rang out, he was pushing himself away from Sirius and fixing his shirt.

Sirius watched as Remus ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm the tousled curls from Sirius’ hands.

A plea left Sirius’ mouth as the man turned away without a single word.

“Remus. Moony. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry—”

His words were cut off by the sound of Remus slamming the door behind him.

Sirius, overwhelmed by his emotions, slid down the wall and brought his knees to his chest. He crumpled into himself and let his sobs rock his body, shaking with the force of them.

Regulus’ POV

Regulus frowned as Pandora returned to her seat without Remus. Looking around to try and see where the man had disappeared to.

“Where’d Remus go? Is he okay?”

Pandora nodded. “He said he needed to go talk to somebody.”

Regulus looked around to pinpoint where all their friends were. Lily was talking to James, Marlene was introducing Dorcas to the other players, and Evan and Barty were on the dance floor. However, what Evan and Barty were doing could not really be described as dancing.

Regulus was certain there was no one in this bar that Remus would need to talk to—nonetheless, abandoned Pandora in the middle of a song to dance to. Pandora had been excited to hear Remus was a Bowie fan and he dragged him out to dance to Moonage Daydream. Pandora had missed dancing in bars and listening to music while she was away in Romania. Bars weren’t exactly something commonly placed near dragons.

Shit. Regulus’ eyes scanned the bar for long black hair and a leather jacket. Unable to find his brother he cursed under his breath.

“Do you know which way he went?”

Pandora pointed towards the other side of the bar. “There was a door back there he was walking towards.”

Regulus jumped to his feet. Fuck. It seemed that Regulus had taken over Lily’s role of guard dog for Remus and was instead busy keeping James away from Regulus. Oh, the things that Regulus did for his friends. At least this time, when he faced his brother, he felt less compelled to punch him in the face.

Regulus pushed open the door that was labelled to insinuate that he definitely should not be back here with force, afraid of what he might reveal behind it.

He was, however, surprised to see that Sirius was alone, sitting down against the door with his head between his knees.

Regulus sighed, dreading the words as they left his mouth. “Alright, terrible brother of mine, it is time for us to have our long-awaited chat.”

Sirius looked up at the sound of his voice and Regulus froze upon seeing the redness in his brother’s eyes. Tears were still falling down Sirius’ face and Regulus couldn’t help but gawk. What the fuck had happened? There was no physical sign of Remus but the tears could be a sign that he was here.

“Are you crying?”

Sirius scowled at him. “Generally people like to be alone when they cry.”

Regulus huffed in amusement. “Ah, you still have that Black family trait, do you? Don’t want people to see you vulnerable?” He scoffed. “You forget, brother, that I have seen you like this countless times in the past.”

“Have you come to punch me in the face again?”

“And punch a man that’s already down?” Regulus’ blood boiled. “I’m not that evil, Sirius. Even if you may think I am.”

Sirius frowned slightly. “I don’t think you are evil,” he muttered.

Regulus raised his eyebrows. “I find that hard to believe.”

“It’s true. I inherited the Black family's evil. I spared you from it.”

Was Sirius drunk? That was the only thing that made the words Sirius was saying make sense. Regulus walked until he was opposite Sirius, sitting down with his back to the wall in a position that mirrored his brother.

“You think you’re the evil one?” Regulus asked, confused.

“I am. Look at me. Look at what I did to Remus.”

“Yeah, can’t say I can comfort you there.”

Sirius chuckled darkly, a sound that reminded Regulus that Sirius was not truly the same person that he had been his protector as a child. “You never were the best at comforting anyway.”

“Because holding you after you passed out from being crucio’d wasn’t comforting.” Regulus climbed to his feet. “And then having to learn how to comfort myself after you left me in that house isn’t the best.”

Regulus watched as a sob escaped Sirius. “You what? I woke up alone on the living room floor.”

“Because I had gone to send a letter to Andy explaining what had happened.” Regulus’ voice broke and he blinked back tears. “And then when I came back you were in your room packing your things.”

“You could have come with me,” Sirius said, another tear falling down his face. “I asked you to.”

Regulus laughed coldly as a tear escaped his own eye. “Walburga and Orion never would have let both of us go. It was one of us or none of us.”

“You could have come to me. I was eighteen in my last year at Hogwarts. You could’ve come and lived with me.”

Regulus dropped all emotion from his face as he stared at his brother. “Do you forget what you told me before you left Hogwarts?”

Sirius’s face paled.

“I wish you the best in the House of Black and you will never see or hear from me again,” Regulus recited from memory and followed it with a laugh. “Yeah, those words haunted me for years.”

Regulus decided then, seeing the haunted expression on Sirius’ face that he needed to leave. He needed to find Remus and get out of there. He turned towards the door, putting his back to his brother. He froze as Sirius said three words he never expected.

“Please don’t go.” His brother’s voice was small and quiet.

“You want me to stay?” Regulus said in disbelief. “How about I go get James for you instead?”

“No, Reg. I-I want to t-talk to you.”

Regulus took a deep breath and reached his hand up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. You can do this, he told himself. You can have this conversation and prove yourself right about your brother.

He turned around and made his way back to where he was seated against the wall.