Run Away Little Boy
“Come on!” Effie shouts from the kitchen, “We’ll be late.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jamie calls back, looking in the mirror a final time. “Give me a second.”
Effie ducks her head in the room, tossing Jamie’s bag at her quickly, “You look great, let’s go.”
Jamie groans, pulling on the straps, “I don’t know why you’re rushing me. You’re the one who has to go in early.”
“I will very gladly make you walk to Andy’s if you want to,” Effie says, grabbing her jacket from the hook. Jamie’s silence is a good enough answer for her. “That’s what I thought.”
“Are you gonna be home late again?” Jamie asks as they walk out the door and to the car.
“You know it,” Effie says, “The Inn can’t live without me.” She adds, handing over her purse, “Take some money for dinner, I’ll be home after.”
Jamie nods, taking some even if she knows she’ll probably give it back by the end of the night. Andy never makes her pay any more, it’s a family thing. Any time any of them try to pay she sneaks it back to them somehow, even if it’s days later. The longest was a week, Jamie finally thought she got the better of her, and then she found ten dollars in her school bag the next day. She swears Sirius had something to do with it, even if he swears he didn’t. “Dad’s back tomorrow, right?”
“He should be,” Effie says, pulling out of the driveway. “I’m not sure for how long.”
Business is doing really well, or at least that’s what he says. Monty is out of town a lot of the time, he calls when he can though, even if that's not very much. He used to call more, but now he's away for longer and everything gets busy. Sometimes Jamie forgets what it’s like to have him in the house. She3 can’t remember where he is now, maybe Denmark? He never gets to actually see the places he visits, he complains about that too.
“We’ll have dinner together then right?” Jamie questions.
“Yeah, of course, anything you want,” Effie tells her. “I’m sure Beth can cover me.”
“She’ll hate you,” Jamie throws her head back.
“She can take it,” Effie laughs.
The town is not a very large one and it takes them almost no time at all to make it to Andy’s. They walk most of the time, it’s nice like this, with the golden leaves falling all around. It’s peaceful like this, serene.
“Do you want me to get you coffee?” Jamie asks as she reaches for the door. “I can just run it out here.” If she goes in there Andy will drag her in a never-ending conversation. It’s better to ignore her on busy days.
“I’ve gotta go,” Effie says, “I’ll just get something at the Inn.”
Jamie nods, “Alright, love you.”
“I love you too,” Effie says, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead before she gets out, only looking away when Jamie closes the door and starts walking away.
The little bell dings as soon as she steps inside, and Andy is already standing at the counter, “You’re late.”
Jamie rolls her eyes, “Hardly.”
Andy sets a coffee cup, and a blueberry muffin, in front of her as soon as she walks up and pulls out a seat, “Sirius came down here five minutes ago looking for you.”
“Why didn’t he stay?” Jamie questions, picking at the top of the muffin. “I texted him.”
“Well…” Before Andy can finish Sirius is already running down the steps from the office. Well, it’s not really an office anymore, no one uses it like it. It’s just an extra place for Sirius to hang out before his shifts here. There’s a couple of couches, a TV, it’s nothing much. Peter brought his old Wii up there from home, and sometimes they stay up all night playing really shitty games on it. They fill the old fridge up there with junk food and really go to town. Stealing pies and making fries downstairs, and trying to gaslight Andy and pretend that she really only made four apple pies not five.
“Good, Jamie come here,” Sirius says without any other introduction.
Jamie blinks, “What?”
Sirius sighs, running to grab her arm, “Come on.”
Jamie goes willingly, it’s not like she has any other choice in the matter, with her arm practically being ripped out of her socket as they stomp up the stairs together. Sirius stops just before the door forcing Jamie to slam into his back, “Jesus, Sirius, what is your problem?”
“I have someone I want you to meet,” Sirius says turning around, blocking the small window in the door with his body.
Jamie hesitates, “Okay?”
Sirius sighs, “A little more enthusiasm please.”
Jamie rolls her eyes, clearing her throat, “Okay!”
Sirius scoffs, “You can do it a little better than that.”
“Sirius!” Jamie calls out. “What is this?”
“Do you remember my brother?” Sirius questions.
“You’ve mentioned him,” Jamie nods, jitters appearing in her chest, Regulus. He lives in New York with his mother still, he didn’t leave when Sirius did. Sirius thinks of driving out there all the time to rescue him, it’s the only reason he got a license. He hasn’t seen him in ages, since before he—“Wait… did you kidnap Regulus?”
“No!” Sirius exclaims, dramatically placing his hand over his heart. “I can’t believe you would assume such a thing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Regulus came on his own,” Sirius sighs, “Do you remember what I told you about him coming out?”
Jamie nods, “I remember.”
“He told Walburga,” Sirius says.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So that… didn’t go…” Jamie pauses.
“Great no,” Sirius answers for her. “He cut his hair. She kicked him out.”
“She kicked him out!” Jamie argues, “Over—“
“Yes,” Sirius cuts him off, “These aren’t your parents we’re talking about.”
James falls silent, she knows she’s been more lucky than most people. When she told her mom she didn’t question it, she just said they could go clothes shopping that next weekend. She could pick out whatever she wanted. They spent the rest of the night on the couch eating junk food and watching shitty TV, it was the same as it always had been. She told her friends the very next day, hands shaking and sweating as she sat them all down. They acted like it wasn’t a big deal at all. Sirius called out anyone at school, or in town, who so much as glanced at her in the wrong way. Peter beat up the people who continuously misgendered her no matter how many times they were called out for it. And Remus smoothed everything over so none of them would get in trouble for it. So yeah, she’s very lucky.
“Right, sorry,” she mumbles.
Sirius shrugs, “Just don’t mention it when you meet him. He doesn’t really like talking about it right now.”
Jamie nods, “I can do that.”
Without another word Sirius pushes open the door, “I brought someone for you to meet!”
Jamie walks into the room to find Regulus sitting on the couch, his grey eyes staring her down. He looks like Sirius, but only in the broadest sense, there’s something different. His eyes flit up and down her body, and her heart slams against her ribs. Such a simple reaction. He’s not even doing anything, barely saying a word, and yet—Oh.
“Hi,” Jamie says dumbly.
Regulus blinks, “Well, she’s a witty conversationalist.”
Sirius scoffs, pulling Jamie forward to the couch just in front of him, “Ignore him, being mean is his love language.”
Regulus shakes his head, “I don’t want to meet your friends.”
“You’ll meet them anyway,” Sirius puts his feet up on the coffee table. “You need friends, and I don’t trust you to make them yourself. You don’t have a great track record.”
“Barty and Evan—“
“Barty and Evan are losers,” Sirius cuts him off. “Pandora is alright, but you didn’t pick her she dug her nails in you and wouldn’t let you go.”
Regulus sighs, “I’m not being friends with your friends.”
“Why not?” Sirius questions.
“I hate Remus,” Regulus says, “Peter is annoying. And this one,” he points to Jamie, “Doesn’t talk.”
“Jamie,” Sirius corrects him.
Regulus rolls his eyes, “Alright fine, Jamie doesn’t talk.”
There is something about Regulus saying her name, it brings shivers to run down her back. “I actually don’t shut up half the time,” she ends up saying, “You should consider yourself lucky right now.”
“Very true,” Sirius says.
“Doesn’t matter I’m not going to be friends with her,” Regulus says. “You can go now.”
“You know, Reg,” Sirius says, “You came to me. I was under the assumption that you’d talk to me.”
“I’m talking to you right now aren’t I?” Regulus asks.
Sirius sends him a pointed look, “Nicely.”
“You didn’t say nicely,” Regulus adds quickly, “Don’t you have school?”
Jamie shrugs, “In like half an hour maybe.”
“More like forty-five minutes,” Sirius answers.
“It’s only like a five-minute walk,” Jamie says, “We have all the time in the world.”
Regulus sighs throwing his head back, “You’re both insufferable.”
“Tried to warn you,” Sirius teases, standing up to walk to the fridge grabbing a water bottle before tossing it over to Jamie, and taking one himself, “You want something Reg.”
“For you to get out.”
“Not an option,” Sirius says, pushing his head as he passes by, he tosses his bottle on the couch. “I’m gonna go downstairs and get breakfast—“
“Can you get my muffin off the counter,” Jamie calls out.
“Already on it,” Sirius says walking towards the door, “Reg are you sure—“
“I’m fine,” Regulus shuts him down.
“Suit yourself,” Sirius mumbles before heading out of the room. A part of Jamie thinks he did it on purpose. To get the two of them alone in a room together. Probably for Regulus’ sake more than her own. Not that Regulus seems very happy with the arrangement from how uncomfortably he’s sitting on the couch. Refusing to lean to either side, keeping himself completely still, his hands in his lap.
“You alright?” Jamie asks.
Regulus' eyes flash up at her, “I’m stuck in this stupid fucking town, what do you think?”
“It’s not so bad,” she replies. She knows it’s small, and not really something everyone tends to enjoy. She likes the small-town feel. She likes knowing all her neighbors and knowing she can pop over if they run out of flour. She likes being able to walk everywhere unafraid of what will happen, and being able to go to the diner and see the people she sees every day. Hell she even likes the stupid town events that happen all the time, she thinks they’re nice. It’s nice to have traditions sometimes. She doesn’t think she ever wants to leave this town, then again she’s never really been outside of it.
“A frog in a boiling pot,” Regulus says.
“What?”
Regulus sighs, “Nothing.” He adds, “I’m not staying for long.”
Jamie blinks, “You’re going back home?”
Regulus freezes, and Jamie realizes her mistake. The only thing Sirius told her not to mention and she goes and does it the moment they’re alone together. “No.”
“Right I wasn’t—“
“I don’t care,” Regulus cuts her off, “I’m not going back home.”
“Where are you going?” Jamie asks.
Regulus pauses, questions flying past his eyes. He’s not sure. Maybe he’s never been less sure of something in his entire life, “None of your business.”
“But—“ Jamie moves forward just as the door opens again and Sirius walks in.
“I got you a bagel,” Sirius tosses it over to Regulus, “You should eat something.”
Regulus catches it but keeps it in his lap, as he watches Sirius sit back down handing the muffin over. “When are you leaving?”
“Are you not coming with us?” Jamie questions.
Regulus stares at her, unblinking.
“He’s starting Monday,” Sirius answers for him.
“Apparently,” Regulus adds.
Sirius sends him a pointed look, “You’re starting Monday.”
Jamie doesn’t question it, she’s learned her lesson. She picks apart the top of her muffin instead, she always tosses the bottoms. For her birthday Andy gave her a basket of only muffin tops expecting it to last her at least a week. She ate them all in two days.
“We could meet Remus and Pete early,” Sirius says slowly, testing the waters.
“Good,” Regulus answers quickly, “Do that.”
“This isn’t over,” Sirius says, standing back up, “You’ll talk to us later.”
“Sure,” Regulus pushes out forcefully. “Bye.”
Sirius sighs softly, “See ya, Reg.”
Jamie follows him, she doesn’t really have a choice, stumbling over her feet as she continues to eat. “So your brother is…”
“An asshole,” Sirius finishes for her, calling out to Andy that they’re leaving before heading out the door.
“I wouldn’t say—“
Sirius flashes his eyes over to her, “He is.”
The school really isn’t far, a three-minute walk at most, and they’re far too early to actually go in. They sit on one of the benches in front instead while waiting for the rest to get there, Sirius hopping up to sit on the back instead, keeping his feet on the bench.
“All I’m asking is he came to me,” Sirius continues, “He has friends he could’ve gone to any of them when he was kicked out, but he came to me. I thought that would mean he’d at the very least talk to me.”
“He’s probably just adjusting,” Jamie suggests.
Sirius scoffs, “Adjusting my ass. He’s just mad at the world and taking it out on me.”
“He got kicked out,” Jamie says, “Your parents didn’t accept him they—“
“Fuck my parents,” Sirius argues. “I accept him.”
“It’s different.”
“Yeah,” Sirius trails off.
Everyone else in her life could accept her, and see her as she really is but if Jamie’s mum didn’t accept her. If she looked at her differently and acted like she was still her son. That she was ever her son, it would break her, she wouldn’t know what to do. Nothing else would matter. That would be a pain she could never move on from. Jamie doesn’t know much about Regulus, she’s heard stories but they really don’t mean much. She doesn’t know how close he is with his parents, or how close he was she guesses. Sirius hates them, and always has, or at least that’s what he says. He does everything in his power to turn himself into something they wouldn’t be proud of. He doesn’t care about their opinion at all. Regulus though, Jamie isn’t exactly sure. He hid who he was from them for a year afraid of what they might say. He had to, he didn’t have a choice, but he still hid it. Jamie doesn’t know. She almost wants to ask, but it would probably be too forward. They come from two completely different families anyway.
⟡⟡⟡⟡
“I think Regulus hates me,” Jamie says.
Sirius brushes it off, “He hates everyone.”
Peter shakes his head, “He doesn’t hate me.”
“He thinks you’re annoying,” Jamie tells him.
“What!” Peter exclaims, “I’ve barely even talked to him!”
“He told me he hated me,” Remus says. “I just don’t care.”
Gym is the only class they all have together… which is probably for a good reason but really it only makes it worse for the school. Remus has doctor's notes every single time he shows up here, he doesn’t have to run, or do much in terms of physical exertion. He walks around the track instead, and he’s allowed to bring someone, that’s Sirius most of the time. Hooch is close to Jamie’s mum, and she gets good grades anyway so she kinda just gets a free pass. Not that she would mind participating, she still does sometimes. When they’re doing something actually interesting that is, but she normally just runs instead, lapping around her friends to get some of her energy out. Well, not really getting it out, she actually ends up with more than she started with. She used to play for the soccer team, but dropped out when she started to transition. She didn’t need to, Hooch tried to keep her on it, but a lot was happening at once. Plus her grades started slipping, and she had to pick one. Peter just doesn’t participate, he doesn’t get an out he just takes the detention. He says he stopped caring years ago.
“Well I don’t want him to hate me,” Jamie says.
“Why do you care so much,” Remus asks.
“Because no one hates Jamie,” Peter answers for her, “She doesn’t know what it’s like.”
“That’s not true!” Jamie argues.
Sirius gives her a pointed look, “Name one person who hates you.”
She falls silent.
“That’s what I thought.”
“It’s like hating Thumper,” Peter says, “It’s impossible.”
“That’s a cartoon,” Jamie points out.
“Not much different than you,” Remus teases.
Jamie rolls her eyes, “It’s Sirius’ brother, I don’t want him to hate me.”
“Listen, Jamie,” Sirius steps forward, “He’s mad at the entire world right now. Don’t take it personally.”
“But—“
“Pettigrew!” Hooch screeches from the other side of the field. “What is it today?”
“Migraine,” Peter turns out, squinting his eyes, “Can barely look at the light it’s awful!”
“You used that excuse last time!”
“I get them all the time!” Peter calls back, looking over at the rest of them, “Don’t I?”
“Oh yeah,” Remus says, “He complains about them daily.”
“Can barely pay attention in class,” Jamie adds.
“Has to have the lights off at all times,” Sirius finishes, “He can’t even think of the sun without having to lie down.”
Hooch shakes her head, her hands on her hips, “You’re getting off with a warning this time, but—“
“Next time bring a note!” Peter cuts her off, turning back around, “Thank you!” He laughs as soon as he’s turned around, “She loves me.”
Remus scoffs, “Keep telling yourself that.”
“Guys, I’m serious,” Jamie jumps back in.
“No, I’m—“
“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Remus cuts him off. “I swear to fucking god.”
Sirius laughs to himself, he’s the only one laughing. He’s always the only one laughing.
“I don’t want him to hate me forever,” Jamie says.
“As you’ve said,” Peter comments.
“Why do you care so much,” Remus questions.
“Because he’s—“
“Not because he’s Sirius’ brother,” Remus corrects, “Because you’ve never cared about being friends with Peter’s sister.”
“That’s different,” Jamie tells him.
“How so?” Remus asks, “It’s the same age gap, she’s just a year above us.”
“And she doesn’t really like you either,” Peter mentions. “She finds all of us annoying.”
Jamie was never really friends with Peter’s sister, but it’s not like they didn’t know each other. They used to see each other more when they were younger. For a while it was just Jamie and Peter, they’d go over to each other's houses. Rachel let Jamie try on all her princess dresses, when they were younger anyway. Peter would laugh with her as she spun around, and then she’d run up and put a tiara on his head too. Rachel would let her pick out whatever she wanted. Eventually, she started kicking them out of the room, when they were older. By then Remus had shown up, and Jamie didn’t dress in the princess dresses anymore, but she looked over at Rachel's closet, whenever she snuck into her room. Staring at all the dresses she still had. Rachel would shriek and drag her out of there. Then when Jamie came out she let her pick out one of them, just one, and she’d be able to keep it forever. Jamie never told anyone about that. Rachel didn’t either. They didn’t talk after that, it was just that one moment.
Jamie has never really felt the urge to be closer to her, she’s never wanted to be her friend. It wasn’t like that. Rachel always felt like a big sister to her, even if they were only a year apart. It’s really nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it’s just different. Regulus is different. Jamie isn’t exactly sure why, she can’t put her finger on it. She just doesn’t want him to hate her. He doesn’t have to like her, but she doesn’t want him to hate her. It’s not even just for Sirius’ sake. Maybe it doesn’t have to do with Sirius at all. She’s not sure.
“Never mind,” Jamie brushes it off. “Are you having band practice today?”
Sirius just recently joined a band, it’s only been a couple of months. They needed a drummer, and despite knowing nothing about playing the drums Sirius stepped up. Lily, Mary, and Marlene were desperate so they let him in. Andy bought him drums, and he spent hours in the garage practicing, it’s far enough away from the house that the sound doesn’t carry… that much anyway. They also do band practice there, another reason why he was allowed in the band in the first place. They don’t have a name yet, they’re still working that out. They’ve been working it out for like a year, they just can never agree on anything. The rest of them normally hang out while they practice, they have nothing else to do, and it’s nice to have a crowd, even if the crowd is like three people.
“Yeah right after school,” Sirius says, “We can all head over together.”
“Are we getting pizza again?” Remus asks.
“Probably,” Sirius answers, “Did you want something different?”
“I’m thinking more of a burger,” Remus says.
“We can stop by Andy’s,” Peter tells him, “It’s not that far out of the way.”
They lose Jamie from there, her mind stuck elsewhere. Regulus will probably be there, he won’t stay for practice but he could come down to steal some food, or maybe he’ll be there when Jamie walks in. She can use it as another chance to figure out what exactly to say to him, and how to get him on her side. She’s still not sure why she wants this so badly. Why she’s longing to make him actually want to talk to her. The reason doesn’t matter. She’ll get Regulus to actually like her… one way or another.
⟡⟡⟡⟡
Or maybe she won’t.
Regulus isn’t home when they all get in and pile into the garage. Jamie even says she has to use the bathroom just to get inside and finds herself walking upstairs. If only to catch a glimpse into the guest room, but the door is wide open and there’s no sign of Regulus anywhere. He must’ve just stayed above Andy’s the entire day, or maybe he’s out somewhere in town. Somewhere Jamie can’t easily find him. It’s hard to fight her disappointment, she shouldn’t even be disappointed. The room looks the same, with no extra touches from Regulus. He just got here, it’s not unexpected but Jamie still finds herself wanting more. She wants to see little pieces of his personality sticking out. She wants to know who he is, and not from the eyes of Sirius. She might love her best friend but he’s not the most reliable narrator when it comes to those things. For a long time, Sirius was pissed off at Regulus for not coming with him the first time. Then Regulus contacted him to tell him his new name and suddenly it all flipped. Regulus was Sirius’ baby brother again. He’s still not exactly sure where they stand now.
She heads back to the garage not after long, knowing she won’t get anywhere and the band is already playing. Jamie doesn’t recognize the song, she doesn’t most of the time, but the bass is loud and Sirius is hitting the drums probably way too enthusiastically, but they have a good beat. Lily closes in on the microphone, mumbling lyrics, while Mary and Marlene back her up with the guitar and bass. They’re trying to get a gig soon, but they don’t really have a lot of time to practice with their part-time jobs, they need to actually start making some cash. And fast.
Jamie leans forward, stealing a fry from Remus’ box, “Have they gotten a set list yet?”
Peter shrugs, “They say they do.”
“Then they argued for ten minutes about what would actually be on it,” Remus finishes.
“Ah,” Jamie leans back in her chair, “So they don’t have a gig yet.”
“Nope,” Remus says, “Lily’s getting restless.”
“She’s talking about quitting the band,” Peter adds.
“She can’t quit the band!” Jamie exclaims, “She has to get rich and famous so she can introduce me to everyone in Hollywood.”
Peter laughs, “I’m sure that’ll change her mind.”
“She needs money,” Remus mentions, “She has the choice to pick up more hours or do this.”
“This makes her happier,” Jamie says.
Remus shrugs, “It’s not always about that.”
Jamie’s never really had to worry about money. She’s not rich, but she’s well off. When her mum ran away from home at sixteen she didn’t have anything on her, just Jamie. She didn’t even take Monty, she broke up with him at first. Living out of the Inn and trying to make some money on the side to afford a house. Her Dad showed up on her second birthday and said he couldn’t live without them, and her mum let her in. Monty never worked at the Inn, he was still with the family company. He could’ve bought an actual house for them, but Effie wouldn’t hear of it. She wanted to do things her way. She wanted to make her own way in the world just this once. So she saved up enough money and found someone to sign her off a loan. She’s worked her ass off working up to manager, and she works her ass off now to afford everything Jamie would ever want. When Jamie was seven and they stopped living at the Inn her grandparents came back into her life. They’re rich, living a life of luxury. If she needed anything they’d pay for it, but she can’t find herself asking for it. So yeah, she’s very well off, she’ll never actually know what it’s like to live like that. If she could pay Lily to stay in the band she would, but she also knows Lily would never take that. She’s a lot like Effie in that way.
“If they started getting gigs though,” Jamie trails off.
“Don’t,” Remus cuts her thoughts off.
“What?”
“Don’t make plans,” Remus says, “She’s not actually quitting the band.”
She always talks about it. She’s been talking about it since Sirius joined the band, just disbanding it and ignoring the whole thing, but she’s still here. Maybe Remus is right. Maybe she’s here for the duration.
They play another song before taking a break, Marlene is the first off their instrument, quickly grabbing a slice of pizza before sitting next to Jamie, practically on her lap. “What’d you think?”
Jamie opens her mouth to speak but before she can Mary is on it, “We’re not keeping it on the setlist.”
“But—“
“It’s not a good transition,” Lily adds, “We can’t easily get into it.”
“But it’s one of our best covers,” Marlene argues.
“It makes our originals suck,” Sirius points out.
“Right in the heart, Black,” Lily presses her hand into her chest.
Sirius rolls his eyes, “That’s not what I meant. You know I love our originals but no one else knows them, if we play only good covers our originals will feel like nothing.”
Marlene blinks, “So you want us to play shitty covers.”
“So our originals will stand out yeah,” Sirius finishes.
“That is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard,” Mary comments.
Sirius scoffs, “Hear me out!”
“No, she’s right,” Remus mumbles, “You have to play the good covers or you’ll lose interest.”
“Remus,” Lily turns to him, “Can’t you be in the band instead?” Please.”
“Hey!”
“Can’t do it Lils,” Remus says.
“Yeah he wouldn’t betray me like that,” Sirius argues.
“That and I can’t play the drums,” Remus says.
Marlene looks back down at Jamie while the others talk, “You’re wearing eyeliner.”
Jamie’s eyes widen, “I thought I’d try something new.”
“I like it,” Marlene compliments, “Brings out your eyes.”
“You guys gonna kiss and get it over with,” Peter teases.
“Oh fuck you,” Marlene kicks Peter’s shin, “Did you want a kiss Pettigrew.”
“Oh yeah,” Peter leans, “Come here.”
“Why do we invite them to band practice again?” Lily asks exasperated.
“No fucking clue,” Mary says, “Wanna go through it again?”
“Yeah let’s do it,” Lily stands back behind the mic, “McKinnon.”
Marlene jumps back up, taking her instrument from the wall, “Count us down.”
“Trois, deux, un,” Sirius taps his sticks.
“In French really?” Mary questions.
“Go with it, Macdonald,” Sirius starts again, Trois, deux un.”
The music picks back up again, blaring through the speakers, and Jamie steals another fry before lying back, letting the lyrics completely surround her. She has a lot of homework to get done, she can’t start slipping again and just getting Remus to give her all answers isn’t actually helping her. Believe it or not. She misses when classes were actually hands-on, she fucking hates memorization. Right now though, none of that matters. She can just exist here in this garage with people she actually likes, and she doesn’t have to worry about anything else. She doesn’t have to think about anything else either. Even if gray eyes press into the front of her mind. Fucking enigma.
⟡⟡⟡⟡
Jamie walks home alone, well partially the way with Peter but she lives the farthest away from all of them. On the outskirts of town with really only one neighbor. Argus Filch and his cat Noris, and yes, his cat is just as much of a neighbor to Jamie as Argus is. He’s grumpy and doesn’t like anyone stepping on his lawn, but he also used to watch Jamie for her mum when she was younger and always gave her his good cookies, so he’s alright. He comes over for oil every once and a while when Noris gets stuck under the house, and that’s pretty much the only time Jamie sees him nowadays.
As soon as she turns onto her street she sees it, pausing in her steps. Monty’s car is in the driveway.
He wasn’t supposed to get back home until the next morning, Jamie was supposed to have time. Her breath hitches in her throat as she goes to pull her skirt down, not that there’s really anywhere for it to go. It’s not even that short. She’s not sure how long she stands there, waiting. Waiting for what she’s not sure, it’s not like she can magically have different clothes in her bag. She was supposed to have tonight. Her legs feel like rubber as she walks up the steps to the house and pushes open the door, “Dad?” She calls out in the doorway.
It takes a beat for Monty to respond, “In the kitchen.”
Jamie nods, kicking off her shoes and pushing them away from the door. Stepping around into the kitchen she finds Monty sitting at the table, his laptop out, he doesn’t even look up when she walks in. Continuously typing something, the bright light shining onto his face. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow.”
Monty glances up, his eyes catching on her, before he looks back down, “Managed to catch an earlier flight.” He adds, “I have to leave again on Sunday.”
“Oh,” Jamie takes a breath, “You’re here tomorrow though right?”
“Yeah, I’ll be here,” Monty says.
“We’ll have dinner all together?” Jamie suggests.
“If your mum’s around,” Monty responds. She knows he means it’ll only be all of them together if Effie is around, but still, it chisels away at her chest.
“She said she would be,” Jamie says, and after a beat she says, “I ate with the band so I didn’t…”
“That’s okay, I already ate,” Monty says.
“Right,” Jamie winces. “I have some homework so—“
“Of course, yeah,” Monty cuts her off, “Don’t let me stop you.”
“Okay yeah,” Jamie mumbles, stepping back and sliding into her room before closing the door. She takes a breath or tries to at least, but it sits in the back of her throat. It’s everywhere. Without another noise she slides her bag off her back and rushes to her closet, pushing passed all her good clothes for some of her old ones. Lying in a box on the floor, she hates looking at them, she doesn’t want them next to her good ones. She opens it anyway, pulling out some old sweats and a T-shirt. She avoids the mirror the best she can while taking off the eyeliner too, she wasn’t sure what she was thinking. This close to when Monty would get back, she should’ve known something would happen. He’s earlier more times than he’s on time. She feels her eyes burn as she turns back away to her desk, dragging her bag over. It doesn’t matter, none of it matters. She pulls her legs up to her chest and takes out her textbook, flipping to the right page. It really doesn’t matter, none of it does. The words all run together, and the pictures look like swirls of color, but it doesn’t matter.
Her Dad isn’t a bad guy. He’s never been a bad guy, and she really means that. She just doesn’t know what’s wrong with her, that’s all. It wasn’t always like this, before anyway. Monty used to call Jamie all the time, or text her at the very least. They were as close as Jamie is with Effie, if not closer. He’d send her stupid videos he found while waiting on the train, and call with updates telling her the exact moment he’d get home. She knew everything, and now she knows nothing. He doesn’t call. He doesn’t talk to her, and if he does he’s always distracted by something else. She’s done everything she can, to try to make it easier. She wears her old clothes trying to remind him that she’s the same person she’s always been. She does good in school so at the very least he can be proud of her for something. Even if it’s not exactly what she wants him to be proud of her for. She wants to go back out there now, sit at the table with him, and hope that this is enough that he’ll actually look at her. Actually see her as she is, but it never really works like that. She looks back at her books instead, taking out her notebook too. She tosses her phone back on the bed, far away from her hands. If she keeps it she’ll say something stupid, she’ll actually talk about it, but she can’t. So she studies instead. Playing with the ends of her hair, trying to keep her breathing steady.
She’s not sure how long she’s in there really, she doesn’t keep count, or pay attention to the sun as it careens towards the horizon, slowly bleeding out the longer that passes. She puts her headphones on after a while, to quiet out the sound of typing from the next room over. The incessant clicking does very little to ease her chest, so she shoves it all away instead. Trying to clear her mind or it all, biting down on her nails. She’s trying to grow them out. Effie’s been talking about taking her to get them done, but she can’t help it. She keeps her music turned all the way up, bringing her ears to ring but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t hear when Effie comes into the room, and sneaks up behind her, plucking them them right off her head.
Jamie flinches, “Jesus.”
Effie laughs with her, “You didn’t hear me come in.”
“Obviously,” Jamie turns around, trying to grab at the headphones. Effie gives them off without much of a fight.
“Put down the books for a bit,” Effie says, motioning for her to join her in the kitchen, “I brought dessert.”
“What did Beth make this time?” Jamie asks, pushing her desk chair away.
“Blueberry shortcake,” Effie answers, “Dave forgot to bring strawberries.”
“Of course,” Jamie mumbles, sitting up at the kitchen table. Monty is gone now, she’s not sure where he’s gone. She doesn’t particularly want to ask, she tugs at the bottom of her shirt.
“Your Dad’s asleep,” Effie answers without her even asking, grabbing the knife from the side to cut out two pieces. “Came home exhausted.”
“Yeah, I saw him,” Jamie mumbles, accepting a plate.
“They’re working him too hard,” Effie shakes her head. “I keep telling him he needs more time off.”
He never did this before. He used to avoid these work trips like the plague. He’s always pushed them on someone else if he could, even if it meant he wasn’t exactly climbing up the ladder, but he made enough money. He made good money actually, and his parents got him high enough up any way he didn’t really need to go anywhere to be okay with everything. He never did more than what was expected of him, not because he couldn’t but because he’d much rather just be home. He didn’t want to miss out on anything, he missed out on the year Jamie was one, and he refuses to miss anymore. Now he’s hardly around. He goes on all his trips and goes on others too if they need to get off of them for some reason. He picks up more jobs around the office, always striving for more. He says he’s found ambition. Jamie thinks it’s all bullshit. He’s miserable he just doesn’t want to say it, he doesn’t want people to question why he’s doing all this.
“He’s leaving again Sunday,” Jamie tells her.
“Yeah I know,” Effie says, “He told me yesterday. We still have tomorrow though, I’ll make something.”
Jamie nods, a knot in the back of her throat, “How long will he be gone for this time?”
“He says a few days,” Effie plays with the food at the end of her fork, “But it could be longer, depending on.”
Jamie wants to press, she wants to ask what exactly it all depends on. Is it Monty deciding all this? Is it an overwhelming boss who just now decided to get a grip on all his employees? Is it something else? There has to be something else, something he’s not saying, something he refuses to say. Jamie doesn’t like it. She takes a bite, hoping it’ll remove the ache in her chest but really it just makes her want to gag.
“I was thinking,” Effie speaks up again. “We could invite Regulus over for dinner tomorrow.”
Jamie picks her head up, “What?”
“Well he’s new in town,” Effie says, “He doesn’t really know anyone. We could bring all of them over, and make him feel more welcome.”
“Okay yeah,” Jamie says, probably too quickly if she really thinks about it. “We can invite him.”
“I know that takes away from our family dinner,” Effie adds, “So if you really don’t—“
“We can invite him,” Jamie cuts her off, “I want to.”
“Okay good then,” Effie takes another bite, “I’ll text Andy.”
This will be better, having Regulus come here instead of talking to him at Andy’s. Jamie can control more things now, she can make herself easier to like. Invite Regulus in and actually try to talk to him. Things will be good, she can make things work like this. She doesn’t care what Sirius says. Sure Regulus is angry at the world, but it doesn’t mean he has to hate everyone in it too. Sirius doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And yeah, they might’ve been teasing her, but no one really hates Jamie. At least… not entirely anyway. It’ll be fine. Regulus can’t hate her forever not if she has anything to do with it.
Jamie nods, “I’ll talk to Sirius.”
⟡⟡⟡⟡
Once again Jamie was an idiot, but she’s not really sure why she’s so surprised.
Every time her Dad comes home she thinks they’ll actually do something with his day off. They used to. The first day he got back, no matter what was happening they’d spend it together. Even if it meant taking Jamie out of school to do it, just for a class or two. Effie didn’t even know about it, it was their little thing. They’d go to arcades, and out to lunch to see who could chug a milkshake the fastest without getting a brain freeze. They’d head to the movies and sneak in a bunch of junk food from outside, or they’d get burgers and drive around on the backroads. One time when Jamie was thirteen he even let her in the driver's seat, before she almost crashed into a tree and had her driving privileges provoked until she was actually sixteen. That’s all gone now. Monty set himself up in the living room, trying to finish an assignment for work. Jamie sat out there with him for a while, trying to work on her school stuff. As if they were actually working together, until Monty started making work calls and Jamie lost focus. Went back into her room and she’s been there ever since.
She doesn’t even really have that much schoolwork to do. They really don’t hand that much out, not to spend an entire Saturday on it anyway, but it’s all she can really do when Monty is home. It’s the only thing that takes her thoughts off the clothes sitting on her shoulders, or the cold necklace pressing into her skin. She had to dig her nails into her palm to make sure she didn’t try to reach out and fiddle with it. Effie gave it to her the night she came out to her. It’s passed down to all the women in their family, and she hated all that family shit. She wasn’t one to really carry on traditions like that, but she kept the necklace. She gave it to Jamie. She never takes it off. She keeps it under her shirt when her Dad is around. It creates an indentation in her skin.
“Jamie!” Effie’s voice calls out from deeper in the house, “They’re here!”
She picks her head up, she didn’t realize how late it had gotten. They’re eating dinner earlier than they normally would. If only to give Andy and Effie more time to talk, once they’re together it’s hard to get them to stop. “I’m coming!” Jamie shouts back, looking back down at her clothes. She would change, Sirius doesn’t normally see her in clothes like this. Well, he has, of course, he has back then anyway. And on the occasion when Monty has been around Jamie’s worn stuff like this, but it’s always been casual. They’re watching a movie and Jamie can just say she wanted to be comfortable, but this is different. It’s dinner, she hasn’t eaten dinner in clothes like this in ages.
She looks up, expecting to look at the closet but he finds Regulus standing in the doorway instead, “Oh.” She hesitates, “Hi.”
Regulus nods, stepping deeper into the room.
“Did Sirius send you in here?” Jamie asks, gripping the bottom of her shirt.
Regulus shakes his head, stepping over and peering at the box of clothes on the floor, “You wear these?”
Jamie falls silent, “Sometimes.” She adds, “When I’m home.”
Regulus looks back up at her his eyes narrow, “Okay.”
Jamie shuffles in her seat, “You can borrow some if you need them,” she ends up saying, “I don’t know if you have much yet.”
Regulus shrugs, “Not much. Sirius gave me some of his stuff.”
Jamie recognizes what he’s wearing now, she just wasn’t going to say anything. She’s really not sure why Regulus is in here to begin with, or why he’s the one starting a conversation with her. Especially with what happened before.
“Well if you want some,” Jamie says.
“I’m okay,” Regulus steps back, walking towards the desk.
Jamie stands up to meet him, “Why are you talking to me?” She can’t help but ask.
Regulus stares at her unblinking before he says, “Do your windows open?”
“Excuse me?”
Regulus sighs, gesturing beyond her desk, “Do the windows open?”
“Yeah,” she trails off, “Just twist and push.”
“Great,” Regulus says, stepping around her, “You gonna come?”
“Go where?”
Regulus shrugs, tugging open the window, “Doesn’t matter.”
“Everywhere is closed,” Jamie says quickly. “It’s Godric’s Hollow nothing is open.”
“Then we’ll find a bench and stare at our shoes,” Regulus replies, “Anywhere but here.”
“My mum made some really good food,” Jamie says, “And even if it doesn’t sound like it’ll be a lot of fun it will be, trust me.”
“I don’t even know you,” Regulus says.
“Don’t I look trustworthy,” Jamie smiles.
Regulus rolls his eyes, “I’d rather just get out of here.”
“But—“
“Guys hurry up!” Sirius calls from the living room. “I’m starving!”
Quickly followed by Andy shushing him, and by the sounds of Sirius shrieking kicking him in the shin from underneath the table.
“Come on,” Jamie says stepping back, “Let’s eat.” She walks into the kitchen, “You want a soda?”
“I’ll get something,” Regulus says, standing back.
“Okay yeah,” Jamie says passing him by. She really doesn’t think too much about it. She doesn’t think he’ll do anything besides follow her lead. Then several minutes go by and there’s no sound of him, and Sirius goes to check only to find him missing.
“Fucking asshole,” Sirius mumbles under his breath as soon as he sits back down.
Jamie should’ve gone with him, that’s her first thought. Maybe it’s not the best thought to have knowing she’s been waiting for this dinner. She’s wanted to have a family dinner for ages, ever since her Dad left. This was the only night they could do it, and yet she still wishes she was out there with him. Even if all it would be is them sitting on a park bench looking down at their shoes with no words said between them. She’s not even sure why she was invited in the first place, but she’s afraid she messed something up somewhere. This was her shot to get on Regulus’ good side and she squandered it.
“Jamie,” She looks up, meeting her Dad’s eyes from across the table, looking straight through her. “Can you pass me the potatoes?”
She blinks, reaching further down the table before handing them over, he whispers a quick thank you and moves on. Going back to talk to Ted about something or other.
Yeah, she should’ve gone with Regulus.