Chapter Twelve
“Evan, I look more like a bar wench than a pirate,” Regulus crosses his arms, looking at his friend through the reflection in the mirror. “Was a corset necessary?”
“Oh please, you look hot and you know it,” Barty yells from the bathroom, likely adding the finishing touches to his makeup. Regulus had his done first, so he didn’t have to worry about doing anything last-minute.
The costume wasn’t half bad, really. It was a mixture of Regulus and Evan’s wardrobe; the flowy poet shirt he was wearing came from his own closet, while his stylishly loose trousers and the corset hugging the middle of his torso both came from Evan. The boots he was wearing was something he had found at a thrift store a few days prior. He looked good, yes, but it was hard to tell he was actually a pirate, and not just some escort.
“I’m not saying I don’t look hot,” Regulus turns to the side, admittedly observing the way his costume looks from the back. “I’m just saying I need a hat or something. Maybe something to wrap around my head?”
“I have a durag, but I don’t think that’s the impression you’re trying to give off,” Evan says from where he’s laying on his bed. Barty lets out a loud laugh from the bathroom.
“Do you have a black vest?” Regulus asks, turning toward his friend’s closet and beginning to dig through. Evan doesn’t say anything, because Regulus knows that he doesn’t care.
“I thought you didn’t care much for this party?” Barty asks, finally walking out of the bathroom. His makeup does look unfairly flawless, dark red and black blended out around his eyes, making the bright green stand out even more.
“I don’t,” Regulus retorts, letting out a victorious huff as he finds what he’s looking for. He swings the black vest over his shoulders, then goes to stand in front of the mirror once more, observing everything in great detail. “I still want to look good. You know Halloween used to be my favorite holiday.”
“I feel like this actually has something to do with the host of this party,” Barty smirks, stepping behind Regulus, sending him an evil glance through the mirror before landing a harsh smack on his ass.
“That hurt, you prick!” Regulus punches his friend in the shoulder and hears Evan laugh in the back. “This has nothing to do with James. I just want to look like a damn pirate.”
“James?” Evan cocks an eyebrow, a smirk growing on his face, too.
“Potter,” Regulus grits out, sending a sharp glare to both of the boys behind him. “Now, we’re stopping by my house for a headband that I’m certain I have, then we’re going to that stupid party.”
When they do arrive, they appear to be a bit early, because there’s only a few people there, and all of them are in the tight friend group of James and Sirius. Remus–a semi-shirtless werewolf–is there, obviously, sitting on the couch with some sort of chocolate treat, Peter–he’s just wearing mouse ears–is sitting next to him and scrolling through his phone. Sirius–a vampire covered in leather and lace–is leaning against a wall and talking to Lily Evans, who Pandora walks over to seemingly as soon as she notices her presence. They’re both dressed like fairies.
Dorcas and the McKinnon girl are talking with one another in the corner of the living room. Dorcas is dressed like an elegant witch–a flowy, purple dress made of crushed velvet and a pointy hat on top of her head. Marlene is dressed like some sort of rugby player, a loose jersey and tight-fitting shorts making her look like a real athlete. She might be, but Regulus wouldn’t know.
The atmosphere is a little dark, the lights switched to shine red throughout the entire house. There’s already a small buildup of smoke, and it’s not until now that Regulus notices the rolling tray on the coffee table in front of Remus and Peter. He begins to move that way, but his name is called out before he can make it there.
“Reggie, you’ve actually made it!” Sirius’ tone is excited. “And you’re actually wearing a costume!”
“It’s a costume party, is it not?” Regulus responds flatly, crossing his arms.
“I just didn’t expect you to put any actual effort into it, that’s all,” Sirius shrugs, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Glad you did, though.”
“Are we early?” Regulus asks, feeling a slight bit of jealousy as he sees Barty, Evan, and Remus passing around a joint. This would all be so much easier if he could just get over there.
“Yeah, but that’s on purpose. James and I always invite some people a little early so they can pregame with us. You’ve practically landed yourself a spot on a V.I.P. list, Reg,” Sirius smiles, showing off the fake fangs stuck onto his canines.
“Oh, I’m jumping for joy,” Regulus stares blankly down the hall where he knows where the bedrooms are.
“We’re just waiting for Prongs to finish getting ready, so prepare yourself for a shot or two,” Sirius pats his shoulder firmly one more time before making his way over to the couch, where Remus stares up at him with a soft smile and dopey eyes. Disgusting.
Not knowing what else to do, Regulus makes his way to the kitchen, grabbing a Capri-Sun out of the fridge and lifting himself to sit on the counter. The music isn’t very loud, anyway, but it’s even quieter in here, and Regulus likes the way the soft hum of the beat makes his mind drift for a bit, even without anything in his system. Reluctantly, he thinks about the last time he was sitting in this exact spot in this exact position. It was a great time until the end, truly.
The juice pouch is drained within a few minutes, and Regulus is still thirsty, unfortunately. So, he throws the pouch away and opens the fridge, grabbing another one, then beginning to make his way back over to his spot. Someone opens the door, and flashbacks rush through Regulus’ brain. All he can think is not again.
“Reg,” James smiles widely upon seeing him, and how is Regulus supposed to survive the night?
James is dressed in a black and white flannel that’s only buttoned halfway up, leaving the majority of his toned torso out for everyone to see. The flannel is tucked into a pair of dark blue jeans, a large belt in the center of it all. A brown vest hangs off of his shoulders, and a red bandana is wrapped around his neck. In his hand sits a dark brown cowboy hat. Oh, God, he looks unbelievably hot.
“You look really good,” James breathes out, snapping Regulus out of his Potter-induced trance.
“Thanks,” Regulus responds, taking a drink from his juice to help with his suddenly dry throat.
“This room holds memories for us, huh?” James lets out an airy laugh, seemingly lost in his own world. Regulus knows exactly how he feels. Before he can respond, someone else bursts through the door, causing him to jump.
“Who’s ready for some shots?!” Sirius exclaims excitedly, smiling widely at both of them with a large bottle of Fireball in his hands.
***
James watches Regulus with focused eyes, completely zeroed in on the boy before him. Regulus had clearly been more comfortable drinking this time around, and it showed with how he was moving in the middle of the crowd. He was dancing with Barty and Evan but was far from third wheeling, and there’s that pang in his chest again.
Sirius and Remus had disappeared around half an hour ago, and Pete was caught up in dancing with a girl who showed interest in him near the start of the party. So, simply put, James was alone, and he wasn’t in the mood to dance with anyone other than Regulus, but there was an obvious issue with that. Instead, he just took a drink from his cup, grimacing a bit at how sweet it was. He makes a mental note to not add as many mixers next time.
The song switches from a mellow beat to a suddenly quicker pace, and James’ head snaps up to look at Regulus again. The boy’s eyes go wide and Barty and Evan seem to cheer a bit, which could only mean that Regulus is about to drive James insane. As the intro to Toxic by Britney Spears begins to play, James can only sigh and prepare himself to suffer for another three and a half minutes. He’s taken off guard, though, when Regulus’ eyes meet his, and suddenly he’s moving closer.
“Reg?” James asks, having to shout over the volume of the music.
Regulus doesn’t answer, instead grabbing the cup from his hands and setting it aside before grabbing his hands and dragging him to the middle of the crowd, where he was previously with Evan and Barty. James does not have the strength to resist Regulus in any situation, but right now as darkened grey eyes surrounded by dark eyeliner stare up at him, he feels weaker than ever.
Regulus leans into James so close that his hot breath fans over the crook of his neck. “Dance with me?” He all but whispers and James can’t help but nod.
Regulus smiles up at him, biting his bottom lip before beginning what appears to be choreography. When did Regulus orchestrate an entire dance routine to this song? Was he just this good at dancing? Has he danced with other people like this before? James hopes not, because this is the best thing he’s ever experienced.
Loud whoops erupt from Barty and Evan as Regulus sways his hips a certain way, and James feels as if he’s going to just pass out any second. He’s suddenly rather thankful that Remus and Sirius are occupied, because he has no idea how his best friend would react to him dancing so, for lack of better words, lewdly. He also has no idea how he would react to the fact that he cannot keep his hands off of the boy in front of him.
As the song comes to an end, Regulus is disheveled, his dark curls sticking out everywhere and a thin sheen of sweat covering his face as he lets out small pants. James can’t take his eyes away from him, blown away by how utterly gorgeous he is.
“You’re so lovely, Regulus,” he voices, not able to stop himself from glancing down at the boy’s lips. Oh, he wants to kiss him so bad. He’s never wanted anything this badly in his entire life, actually.
Regulus doesn’t say a word, glancing over to the side, likely at Barty and Evan, then takes James’ hand in his and begins dragging him through the crowd. James is in too much of a daze to stop him as he’s dragged through the hallway, then into his room. It’s not until Regulus closes the door that James comes to again.
“Regulus, wait–”
“No,” Regulus mumbles, removing the headband from his head and surging forward to capture James’ lips with his own. James lets out a gasp but it gets swallowed entirely by Regulus.
Oh, how he’s missed this. Regulus’ lips are so, so soft, but so rough all at the same time. His tongue has no trouble finding its way into James’ mouth, and he has to swallow down his own moans. James’ hands find their way to Regulus’ waist, feeling around at the leather material cinched around him. He couldn't stop himself from pulling the boy impossibly closer.
James can’t help himself when he feels fingers run across his scalp and squeeze, a groan escaping him as his curls are tugged hard enough to get him to tilt his head back. Then, Regulus’ mouth is suddenly on his throat and it’s almost too much for him, goosebumps shooting down his arms as teeth graze the nape of his neck.
“Regulus–”
“Shut up,” Regulus’ words are muffled, but James can still hear the hunger in them.
“Reg, just–”
“I don’t care,” Regulus grumbles, pushing James backwards so that he’s sitting on the edge of his mattress. Regulus straddles him, having to pull away from him to adjust himself, and that’s when he smells it. The smell of alcohol radiating from the boy’s breath.
He realizes, then, that if they do this, then they would be no better than Sirius and Remus. Nothing more than drunk makeouts and occasional hookups at parties, but nothing more because neither of them wanted to stop and talk about it for even a minute. Something that he had criticized his best friend over for years, and here he was about to do all of it the same. Absolutely not.
“No, Regulus, stop,” James put his hands on the boy's shoulder, causing him to freeze. His pupils were completely blown and his lips were red and spit-slick. Oh, why does James have to be such a good person. “You’re drunk, love.”
“I’m not, I’m just tipsy,” Regulus denies, furrowing his eyebrows together tightly. “Do you not want me, Jamie?”
James has to conjure all the strength in his body to not let out a moan at the sudden nickname, because he will not let Regulus win this one. “Reg, I want you so bad it fucking it hurts.”
“Then, what’s the problem?” Regulus asks, leaning forward a bit to place his elbows on James’ shoulder, lifting his hands to run them through his hair. James closes his eyes in contentment, and this. This is what he wants. Just gentle, soothing touches all the time.
“If we go any further with this, then we need to be on the same page of where we are relationship-wise,” James opens his eyes, and regrets doing so as he sees Regulus’ seemingly heartbroken expression. “I just don’t want to end up like Sirius and Remus, amor. So, if this is going to happen, then we need to decide what we are.”
“What if I want to be like Sirius and Remus were?” Regulus asks, his tone genuine, and that makes James want to throw up a little bit. Because what?
“Sorry?” James tilts his head, hoping that his expression shows off how properly confused and hurt he is by that question. “You want to be miserable like that? I know I don’t.”
“I’d rather have you sometimes than never,” Regulus’ voice is so quiet, but James can hear the desperation in it. “I’d rather have you like this than not at all.”
“Regulus, I would be more than happy to–”
“I can’t be with you, James,” Regulus’ eyes fill with tears rather quickly and James panics. “If my mother ever caught wind of any of this, I’d–I don’t–I just–”
“Hey, it’s okay,” James wipes tears from Regulus’ cheeks, cradling his cheeks soothingly. He can feel the way Regulus is trembling on top of him. “Please don’t cry, love.”
“Can’t we just keep things like this, please?” Regulus inhales shakingly, and it’s clear he’s trying his best not to let anymore tears fall. “I just want you so bad, so please can I have you?”
James sighs, because he truly doesn’t know what to do. Regulus is right; if his mother finds out about the two of them, then it could mean truly terrible things for him, and that’s the last thing he wants. At the same time, though, he’s never been good at things like this, because he’s always preferred to very openly show his love for his partner whenever he wanted. He wants Regulus so desperately it’s driving him mad.
“Jamie, please,” Regulus’ voice breaks and suddenly James loses control of all rationality he’s ever had.
“Yes, Reg,” James answers, tugging Regulus into a full-on hug. “That’s fine, we can just have each other like this. That’s okay.”
It wasn’t until Regulus began kissing him again that he felt an ache in the pit of his stomach. It all just feels so wrong, but so right at the same time. It’s all so confusing and he’s afraid his brain is going to split into two with how confused he is with this final decision. When Regulus begins taking his own shirt off, only one thing can bounce around in the drunken haze of James’ mind.
This is not going to end well.