Words of Encouragement
James was under strict instructions from Lily to encourage Sirius and Remus but without letting them know they were being encouraged. And honestly James wanted to be offended by her lack of faith that he was able to pull that off, yet when he said so much to Lily she continued to provide him with multiple examples.
“How about the time you let slip Peter’s surprise party? Or when you told half the group who had them for secret Santa? Or the time-”
“Alright, alright I get it maybe sometimes I can be a bit… troubled in keeping things discrete. But not with this it’s too important” Lily seemed to soften slightly at this giving him that small smile she’d taken to doing lately, the one that highlighted the dimple on her cheek that always distracted him. “And besides when it comes to all things romance I’m great at being subtle, I never told you about how Kingsley had a crush on you in fourth year.”
Lily smacked her hand to her forehead and it took James a moment to realise what he said, whoops. But where at the start of this partnership Lily seemed frequently exasperated by him he managed to catch a small scoff of laughter, which James preened at taking it as a win.
After this Lily went through with him a few ways he could try and subtly advise their friends. A few times he found himself getting wrapped up in it, just listening to Lily talk. She was so smart, he found himself hanging off every word even though rationally he tried to remind himself she was talking about relationship advise not the secrets of the universe.
The sound of her voice was like a comforting breeze wrapping itself around you, so sweet and refreshing. With each conversation they had it also became increasingly evident just how much she cared for her friends, it was truly inspiring, he’d had this preconception of her as independent and driven and as a result concluded that her politeness to their friends was more surface level. He is ashamed now to ever think such a thing, all her words and actions contain an undercurrent of such love it’s sometimes overwhelming in the best way.
At one point when James realised he had got so wrapped up in Lily’s voice he’d accidentally missed a few things she said and so quickly took out an ink and quill to write a few bullet points on his arm. Lily hadn’t been looking at him, distracted in her own way, lost in their plans to help their friends. Yet she stopped abruptly upon seeing what he was doing.
She reached out to him grasping his wrist and turning it over and as she did every fibre of his being zoned in on their point of contact. It was such a delicate touch but he could feel an energy erupt from it and travel all the way through him. He was gifted with that smile again when she realised he’d taken notes, and he found himself wanting to collect all her smiles and lock them somewhere safe. The smiles were getting more frequent but he was taken aback every time, feeling as though he had stumbled across a new treasure.
Lily dropped her hand from his, muttering a few more tips picking up her stuff getting ready to leave, but all James could focus on was the absence he felt so acutely he had to stop himself from reaching out again.
*
James Potter and Sirius black were two sides of the same coin. They understood each other like no one else and they never kept things from each other or tried to deceive the other in any way.
Why would they, they loved and accepted the other unconditionally meaning there was no fear of judgement or disappointment. Other than of course when you’re trying to hint at the other to confess their feelings for one of your other friends without telling them that’s what you’re trying to do.
James and Sirius were playing quidditch when they decided to stop for a little break and James decided to broach the subject.
“So you’ve been spending a lot of time with Remus lately” James blurted out. Oh dear that wasn’t how he meant to start the conversation.
Sirius looked at him quizzically before starting “well yeah, funny thing, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we actually live in the same dorm as him and have for the past few years which results in a fair bit of proximity” voice dripping in sarcasm, ironically a skill that can be attributed to this proximity with Remus.
James frantically scrambled for something to redeem himself but Sirius spoke again before he could. “Speaking of spending a lot of time with someone, how’s Evans doing?”
“Lily?” James asked shocked by the sudden turn in conversation.
“Ohh so it’s Lily now is it?” He taunted, and James noticed Sirius’ signature smirk that he always wore when they were up to something or enacting a prank. James always could tell what Sirius was planning, almost like they had a psychic tether, so it was bothering him right now that he was already so lost in this conversation.
“Yeah and Lily’s best friend is Remus” James tried again in an attempt to bring the conversation back round to the original aim, yet cringing immediately at the lack of subtly he was doing it with. He could practically picture Lily shaking her head at him in that way she does when he’s being an idiot and couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face at the thought.
“Ahh look at you this is brilliant mate” Sirius yelled bringing an arm around his shoulder and shaking him. Huh? What had James missed this time? “I’m sure Moony would be more than happy to help.” Is this how they sounded to everyone else all the time? James was thoroughly not enjoying not knowing exactly what Sirius was talking about all the time.
“Moony wants to help you” oh my gosh, how was he messing it up so badly.
“Help me with what?” Sirius asked pulling away and looking at James confused, in a similar fashion to what James imagines he looks like struggling to keep up with this conversation.
“Everything” perhaps that could pull it back.
“Moony told you I need help with everything?” Sirius questioned sounding mildly offended, so perhaps that could not pull it back. “Wait he was talking to you about me?” ok still a chance then, of course there was when Sirius was so utterly infatuated by Remus he took every opportunity he could to look for the possibility of them together, any opportunity of course exempting the obvious signals Remus sent him repeatedly.
“Well he’s always talking about you really” James had well and truly gone off script by this point and so changed tactics to just honestly speak his truth on the matter, with the sole condition of not telling Sirius the situation explicitly.
“In what way? What did he say?” James wondered if Sirius could hear the franticness that infiltrated his tone, if James wasn’t such a romantic himself he may be sickened by it given the intensity of Sirius’ feelings. But because he is him he has to stop himself from squealing with glee at their love.
“It’s not a conscious kind of thing. More like you’re just a constant presence in his thoughts. Like when we’re talking about music he always finds a way to mention a song he knows you like or knows you would like once you listen to it. For someone who hates quidditch so much he can recite almost everything you’ve ever told him about it. Or the way he automatically picks you up a packet of your favourites from Honeydukes because he always says that in the moment you’re too distracted with Zonkos but will ask for his later- although that’s also probably him and his horrific chocolate addiction and affinity to refuse sharing any of it.”
By this point Sirius had taken on his wistful dreaming about Remus face, gazing off into the distance, sighing “he does love chocolate” and of course that’s what he picks up on out of everything he just said.
“It’s like the same way whenever anyone contributes to a conversation you automatically add elements of your own opinions or experiences, it’s just like yours come intertwined with his” James tried to put into words exactly what he meant, hoping this would get through to Sirius.
“Lily says when you really value a person you subsequently value their opinion and beliefs more. So it’s not so much that you just replicate theirs, but you are more open minded to truly considering them because you trust them” it was slightly off track to what he was trying to get across, but he couldn’t help go on the slight detour with one of the many interesting topics Lily had invoked to him.
“Ahh so Lily’s the reason you’ve got all wide all of a sudden” Sirius spoke smiling.
“Hey! I’ve always been wise” James retorted, lightly shoving Sirius “but yeah her brain is just fascinating, I could honestly listen to her talk for hours it’s like everything she says has an added layer of depth to it that she only knows but you desperately want to be in on it” James chides himself for getting sidetracked again when his focus is to encourage Sirius about Remus.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying her company so much” the teasing note is gone from Sirius’ voice, instead he looked genuinely pleased.
Eventually they got up to play quidditch for a little longer before dinner, and whilst James couldn’t be sure, Sirius certainly seemed to be in a good mood and so he hoped he had done some good in helping lead his friends in the right direction.
*
Whilst James had feared that his and Sirius’ seemingly telepathic connection would reveal the intention behind his words, it seemed that they were both speaking such different conversations that he fortunately avoided being discovered. Remus on the other hand is extremely observant and a pessimist by nature which it seems may lend itself to him unveiling any disillusionment sooner.
James was grateful for Lily’s advice, but it seemed that perhaps it was better for him to go about it in a way that matched him, as shown with Sirius things weren’t exactly going smoothly when he made an attempt at embodying Lily’s style.
“Hello there Moony my old friend” James chanted as he slid to sit down next to Remus in the far end of the library, not exactly the best introduction he could have made but fortunately Remus did not seem perturbed by it.
“Alright Prongs” Remus replied not even glancing up from his parchment.
Whilst James had got as far as realising he could not perfect Lily’s methods he hadn’t exactly planned how he was going to go about it instead. He also feels he should have accounted for the fact that attempting to tackle this in the library was not the best place itself, as once Remus was locked in nothing would rouse him, except possibly Sirius’ presence himself. At that very moment James was startled out of his thoughts upon the approach of someone to their table.
“Hi guys do you know where Sirius is?” it was Benjy Fenwick which was not good, given the way James had noticed him making eyes at Sirius at dinner the other day. Honestly people said James was obvious but surely not as obvious as that, the only reason Sirius hadn’t picked up on it was because he was doing the same to Remus. James just happened to be facing that way because he was talking to Lily and Benjy was directly behind her.
James turned to glance at Remus and took in his suddenly tense demeanour, becoming increasingly concerned for the quill he held in an iron tight grip in his hand. Oh, this could work he supposed. Hopefully the jealousy evidently brewing in Remus could push him into taking action.
“Maybe, why?” Remus gritted out, and James had to stop himself from laughing at the childish statement coming from his friend who was usually so composed.
“Well I heard him saying he was struggling with the potions essay so I thought I’d offer to help him study” and if Benjy had picked up on the tension emanating from Remus he didn’t show it. Besides if he really wanted to win Sirius over this was not the way to go, Sirius hadn’t stepped foot in the library, besides to see Remus, for years now and would sooner exhaust every other alternative option before actually studying to understand something. Fortunately, Sirius generally picked things up with effortless ease, he had told James once that if he didn’t understand something with said ease it was the universe deciding he didn’t need to know the information.
“He had a detention he will probably be finished in about half an hour” what?! What was Remus doing?
“Cheers mate, see you guys” James noncommittally raised his hand in a wave goodbye before turning to face Remus with an expression of outraged exasperation, who was already staring pointedly back at his parchment with the new addition of a deep frown scrunching his features.
“Why did you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Tell Benjy where Sirius was” perhaps Remus didn’t know “You know he’s interested in him right.”
“It’s hard not to know with the way he’s always fawning over him” never mind evidently he was well aware.
“Then why did you tell him?” James asked completely perplexed.
“Because I-” Remus started with such agony that was immediately doused out as though he had remembered himself, starting again in a forced tone of indifference which failed to conceal the martyrdom that flowed beneath “it’s not my business to stop anyone’s chance they may have with Sirius. I wouldn’t want to ruin any possible happiness he could find.”
James wanted to shake him, perhaps scream in his face, then shake him some more. For someone so smart Remus could be so foolish sometimes, James supposes they do say that’s what love does to you. But Remus allows his fears to conceal the truth that he would see right in front of him if he looked past his self-doubt. He claims he wouldn’t want to ruin any possible chances for Sirius’ happiness but he is doing it right now.
In that moment James tries his best to really see his friend. Not just the surface level characteristics everyone knows him for, but why he is the way he is, the experiences that have led him to where he is now and how they have contributed to him as a person the whole way. James adores his friends and feels such visceral discomfort when they are in any form of pain, so over the years he has tried his best to understand them all in an effort to help them in any way he can. It has only made him love them all more, for all their little ticks and their individualism that has helped form these beautiful souls he has the honour of knowing.
Which is why in that moment James thinks about exactly why Remus believes it’s preposterous that Sirius could feel the same for him. In his mind he is presented with a variation of instances where Remus has put himself down, portraying himself as unworthy, whether that be of their friendship, or academic achievements or even love. Many people wouldn’t notice because Remus carries himself with an air of understated confidence, but those who truly know him can recognise the insecurities that have woven their way into any cracks they can find and are systemically tugging away at the foundations of who he is. A lot of it can be attributed to his feelings around the wolf, and other elements being he simply doesn’t understand how valued he is by those around him.
James chides himself for not trying to understand sooner. If he had taken the time to decipher the complexities behind the reasoning of Remus’ feelings he may have been able to help him more effectively.
“Remus, I think you need to be made better aware of how much we all care about you and how much we value you” James wanted to get through his point in a way that applied to all aspects not just the situation with Sirius, yet this realisation that Remus needed to hear these words was a result of the situation with Sirius so he had to do it in a way that didn’t seem completely random. As well as under no circumstance letting Remus know he knew about his feelings for Sirius. Well this was going to be tricky.
“Of course Sirius is entitled to making decisions for himself, but if you have any concerns about anything or just any opinion you know he would want to hear it. He thinks the world of you, he trusts you and he knows you wouldn’t intentionally do anything to jeopardise his happiness” it seemed James’ words were truly breaking through Remus’ carefully constructed barrier and he made a mental note to himself to tell Remus how much he meant to them more often. “So, if you had any concerns about Benjy you would’ve been well within your right to refrain from telling him where Sirius was. If he really wanted to that badly he would’ve found Sirius a different time anyways” James assured, sill unsure if Remus’ motives for disliking Benjy was solely selfish or a genuine reason, either way James was in full support (no offence to Benjy).
“It’s just I heard him talking the other day to some of his friends about how attractive Sirius was, which of course that’s fine and factually objectively accurate information” James had stop himself again from laughing at how Remus had somehow managed to find a way to admit he found Sirius attractive sounding like scientific research (or so he thinks, Lily has been introducing muggle things like science to James recently but he is still a bit confused by it). “But I just think Sirius deserves more than that you know, like someone who appreciates his soul as well as his body” Remus added more quietly.
Remus seemed to sit for a moment working through things in his head and James watched as an impressive amount of emotions battled over his features simultaneously.
“Sirius doesn’t even like studying so Benjy is choosing a poor place to start anyways” Remus spoke again sounding more aggravated.
“Well that’s not completely true” Remus looked to James a confused frown reappearing “he told me the other day he actually enjoys studying when it’s with you” and James had to hold himself back from pre-emptively celebrating as he noticed the blush colouring Remus’ cheeks and the small grin twitching the corners of his mouth.
After a moment Remus seems to compose himself and turns back to James “you’re a really good friend James. I’ve always known that but Lily told me off the other day for taking for granted just how sweet and caring you were, and you know her she’s never wrong” James couldn’t help but feel a blush warm on his own cheeks, he didn’t know why this admission was affecting him so much, he supposed it was just nice to know that the increasing fondness he held for Lily as he got to know her better was requited.
He thanked Remus for his kind words as Remus began packing away, and James didn’t need to ask him to know where he was off to now.
“Tell Sirius it’s his turn to pick up snacks from the kitchens” James remarked with a knowing smile as Remus hurried out the door.