Other Scenes for Secret-Keepers

SUMMER

“I'm going to get a tattoo,” declared Sirius.

“No surprises there,” said Remus, not looking up from his parchment.

“This summer, I mean.”

That did get Remus's attention.

“I don't think you're old enough, Siri.”

“I'll go to a Muggle parlor.”

“I'm pretty sure even they have age restrictions on that sort of thing.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but they're not expecting anyone to come through with a magical fake ID.”

“And you have one of those?”

Sirius shrugged. “I can make one. Just need something to base the copy off of.”

“Ah.”

“Please, Re?”

Remus chewed on his lip. He didn't really see the harm in a tattoo, but Sirius had only been away from his parents' house for a few days and was still running on adrenaline or whatever fuel being there gave him. Remus was never sure exactly how responsible he was for curbing his friend's actions during times like these.

“You can't just make all your life choices by doing the opposite of what your parents want, you know.”

“It's worked pretty well for me so far.”

“What're you going to get, then?”

“Oh, I was thinking of tattooing BLOOD TRAITOR across my forehead...”

“Sirius.”

“Calm down, Moony, I'll show you.”

Sirius dug through his bag and pulled out a bit of parchment. Remus studied the sketch. It was a much simpler style than he'd anticipated, for one. There were five circles in a gentle arc, with the first and smallest circle being fully black, and the next three becoming more and more white until the final, largest, purely white circle. The circles were connected to each other by what appeared to be decorative chains, draping prettily between them.

“Sirius Black, you romantic sap,” murmured Remus, gently tracing the outline of the full moon.

Sirius, who had been watching him closely, grinned. “You like it?”

“It's beautiful.” And it was. It was elegant and free at the same time, in the same way Sirius managed to be, and seeing himself represented as part of that was making Remus's heart beat a little faster. “Where are you thinking of getting it?”

“Along here.” Sirius gestures from the middle of his chest down along his rib cage to the right. Remus swallowed.

“That will be stunning.” Sirius smiled even bigger, and, before he could think better of it, Remus found himself asking, “Do you think you could make two fake IDs?”

–

The woman at the counter was skeptical of their IDs, of course. But Sirius had conjured them perfectly, and they were complete with every security measure the Muggles had included.

“First time?” asked the artist as she wiped down her equipment. They both nodded. “Right. Who wants to go first?”

They exchanged a look. Sirius's said, Whatever you prefer. Remus's said, Let's do this before I change my fucking mind.

Remus pulled off his shirt, pretending not to feel Sirius's eyes on his now-bare torso, and sat down where the artist indicated.

“Lot of scars there, mate,” said the artist, looking at his back with a critical eye while she prepared the stencil.

“Yeah,” Remus acknowledged. “That okay?”

“Should be. You chose a good design to work around it.”

Remus had ended up with the Sirius constellation, sketched simply, with each star being lightly connected to the next in the constellation, and a smattering of other stars in the vicinity. He smiled bravely up at Sirius when he felt the needle hit his skin.

“Does it hurt?” asked Sirius.

“I've had worse,” responded Remus.

It wasn't until the artist was cleaning up from Remus's tattoo and Sirius began taking off his shirt for his own that they realized the problem.

“The marks,” Remus whispered, staring at the back of Sirius's left shoulder. Sirius reached his hand back, as if he might be able to feel them there.

“I thought they didn't work on permanent stuff.”

Remus nodded. “But right now, the tattoo is essentially an open wound. It's like the scars, I reckon. It won't stay forever, but it'll stay until it’s healed.”

“Maybe nobody will notice. At least I'm not getting mine on my back.”

“Better not to risk it, though.”

“What do I do?”

“Pretend to be modest?” suggested Remus, his mouth quirking into a grin. Sirius sighed and pulled his shirt back on.

“Can you do it if I keep the shirt on?” asked Sirius as he got onto the table. The tattoo artist raised her eyebrows at him.

“You got scars worse than his or something?”

Sirius flinched. “Something like that.”

SCHOOL YEAR

Severus glared over at the Gryffindor table, unsurprised to find that his hatred had continued to grow over the summer.

He hated their easy camaraderie. He hated the way they walked around like they knew Hogwarts better than anyone. He hated the way they closely guarded each other's secrets. He hated that they had more access to Lily than he did. He hated the way they looked at the Slytherins like they knew everything about them.

Bust most of all, he hated Sirius Black.

Severus had gotten to know Regulus over the past three years, and he'd met the rest of the Blacks on occasion. They had the wealth, power, and status that made the other pure-blood families fawn all over them. Severus knew that Orion and Walburga maintained that power through fear, just as his own father clung to the little power he had in the same way. He knew that many of his fellow Slytherins lived in fear of their parents, but knew that one day they would grow up and take over their power, and they would be the ones wielding the fear.

And Sirius had made it very clear that he intended to turn his back on that power.

He had been walking away from the Blacks ever since he arrived at Hogwarts, yet he still strode around as if he was a force to be reckoned with. He acted as though he had his own power, not the power handed down through his bloodlines. Ungrateful was the word everyone used to describe him.

Fear was a game all the Slytherins played, out at Hogwarts, away from their families. Keeping others afraid of you was the best way to protect yourself and gain respect. Severus knew never to show fear, and he'd been getting better at inflicting it on others. He had discovered that he had a lot of magical power, and he was slowly learning how to use that magic to cement his power in the world.

And Black and his gang of Gryffindors acted like Severus ought to be afraid of them. He hated that they pretended they were above this power struggle, when they were playing into it as much as he was.

He knew they were hiding something. They wrapped themselves in an air of mystery and secrecy in a way that Severus had never seen anyone but Dark Wizards achieve. He hated that. He wanted them to live in fear of someone discovering their secrets.

***

Remus found himself frowning as he approached Sirius, who was leaning against the wall talking with a Sixth Year Ravenclaw who Remus believed was called Joseph Arnold. Or maybe Arnold Joseph? Remus had never seen Sirius speak to him before, but Joseph/Arnold was leaning in, laughing at something that Sirius had said in a way that made Remus slightly uncomfortable.

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” Remus said as he drew level with them, standing maybe slightly closer to Sirius than he normally would. Sirius greeted him with a huge grin.

“Not at all. Was just chatting with Arnold here while I was waiting for you.” Remus nodded to the Ravenclaw in acknowledgment. He let his hand lightly brush against Sirius’s, and saw Arnold (although was Sirius on a first-name basis with him?) track the motion.

“I won’t keep you, then,” said Arnold. “Let me know if you change your mind about playing, Black.”

“Sure thing. See you.”

Remus and Sirius started towards Gryffindor Tower while Arnold headed in the other direction.

“What was that about?” asked Remus, trying to make sure that his tone stayed casual.

“Oh, he wants me to join some intramural Quidditch league he’s setting up.” Sirius made a face. “Seemed like a lot of commitment, though.”

“I didn’t realize you two were friendly.”

Sirius shrugged. “He’s out on the pitch when I’m flying sometimes, but we don’t really talk outside of that. Grindylow,” he added to the Fat Lady, who swung open.

“Do you like him?” Remus asked as they crossed the common room.

“Sure, he’s decent enough.”

“No, I mean --” Remus interrupted himself to make sure that nobody was listening as they climbed the stairs to their dormitory. “Do you like him? He was flirting with you.”

Sirius froze for a second with his hand on the doorknob before he shook his head and opened the door. “What? No he wasn’t.”

“I’m fairly certain he was. I’ve seen a lot of people flirt with you.”

“Never a bloke, though.”

Remus blinked. “Right. Is it that different?”

“Well, for one, how would he even know -- I mean, how could he tell that I --”

“That you what?”

“That I don’t like girls,” Sirius said, and then immediately looked away with an expression that looked a lot like embarrassment.

Remus took a step closer. “Hey. Sirius, it’s okay. You know I don’t care.”

Sirius shook his head. “I’ve never said it out loud before.”

“Why does it matter so much? I mean, it never really seemed like you care about that.”

“I don’t know. It’s different, somehow. Maybe because it’s not about the soulmate bond, it’s about me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, Siri.”

“I guess. Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Like girls?”

Remus considered. “I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest.” He wanted to explain that he hadn’t really thought about anyone other than Sirius in that way, but this in-between space they were in was so delicate, and he didn’t want to push too far, especially with Sirius watching him closely like he was now.

“You don’t have your heart set on marrying and having a family, and keeping the bond platonic?”

Remus blinked. “Is that what you think? I thought we were on the same page here.”

Sirius shrugged. “Tell me anyway.”

“Sirius Black, I intend to date you -- non-platonically, that is -- and spend my life with you. Non-platonically.” Remus was certain he’d flushed bright red by the end of the sentence, but Sirius seemed to appreciate the reassurance.

***

“Did you hear what happened?” James asked, grinning as he sat down across from Sirius.

“Let me guess, Evans hexed you?” replied Sirius, not looking up from his breakfast. Peter snorted. Remus didn't look up from his book, but Sirius was pretty sure he saw him smiling out of the corner of his eye.

“No. One of the Prewett brothers slipped MacNair a love potion, and now he's been declaring his love to McGonagall all day.”

Sirius laughed. “Why didn't we think of that?”

“Because it's disgusting?”

Sirius hadn't even noticed Lily and Marlene approaching until they were taking seats on his left.

“Evans,” James said, hand immediately going up to his hair. Lily ignored him.

“The Prewett brothers should be ashamed. They took it too far this time.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “It's just a bit of a laugh. Lighten up, Ms. Prefect.”

“Lily's right, Black,” chimed in Marlene. “I mean, sure, MacNair is safe because it's just McGonagall, but love potions can be really dangerous. They're illegal for a reason.”

“They're barely illegal,” said Peter. “Slughorn brews a pot of Amortentia to show his NEWT students every year. Almost nobody gets convicted for using one.”

“Exactly,” said Lily. “Love potions mess with people's bodily autonomy, and the wizarding world doesn't even take it seriously. The Muggles have their own version of a love potion, you know. They call them roofies.”

James was frowning, clearly trying to remember everything he'd learned from Muggle Studies the past two years. “Aren't roofies some sort of drug?”

“Yes. People call them the 'date rape' drug, because someone could slip one into a drink and take advantage of their date,” Lily said. Sirius was a little impressed at how easily Lily could talk about topics like these without looking the slightest bit embarrassed.

“That's hardly the same...” Remus trailed off, apparently thinking it over. “Holy shit. That's exactly the same.”

“So what, you're saying that the Prewett twins were trying to set MacNair up to be raped by McGonagall?” Sirius asked incredulously.

“No, Sirius,” said Remus, apparently enthusiastic to explain the concept now that he understood. “But the point is that a love potion compromises someone's ability to consent. Imagine if someone slipped you one, right? Imagine if you went off with some girl you thought you were in love with. How do you think you'd feel after?” Remus was looking into his eyes, and Sirius felt a pit in his stomach at the scenario he was describing.

“I'd feel awful,” he said quietly, not looking away.

***

Sirius kissed his forehead again. "This is one of those moments, isn't it?"

"What moments?"

"One where I can't stop thinking that I'd feel better if I just kissed you."

Remus felt a little lurch in his stomach.

"But I don't think I want our first kiss to be like this," Sirius added, brushing his fingers over Remus's face.

"You didn't imagine us bruised and exhausted, lying in the Hospital Wing?"

"No, somehow that setting never came to mind. But I meant that I don't want to kiss you just to make me feel better. I want it to be because we both want it, you know?"

Remus nodded. He knew what his soulmate meant. Because in that moment, he also wanted to kiss Sirius, but he could feel that it was just a desire to be close to him, to know he was okay, and if they kissed everything would change, and he wasn't ready for that. Not quite yet.

"Soon, though, I think, yeah?" Remus whispered, almost hoping Sirius wouldn't hear him. Sirius stilled.

"You're not -- you don't plan on trying to see anyone else, then?"

"No. Do you?"

"No. It honestly never even crossed my mind, Moony."

Remus could feel his heart rate speeding up.

"Sirius, you're sure? I mean, you're gorgeous, you could have anyone in the school --"

"You think I'm gorgeous?" asked Sirius, sitting up. Remus's cheeks flushed.

"Everyone thinks you're gorgeous," he mumbled.

Sirius beamed at him. "I think you're gorgeous," he said.

"You don't have to say that just because I said it to you."

Sirius gaped at him. "You honestly don't think that, do you?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm just not much to look at. It's okay."

"I can't wait to look at you for the rest of our lives," Sirius said. Remus's stomach lurched again.

"So, no one else, then?"

"No." Sirius smiled at him. "Remind me to show you something in a book I have, later."

"A book? One I haven't read?"

Sirius nodded, and readjusted so that he was lying on his back. Remus automatically curled towards him, resting his head on Sirius's chest.

"Believe it or not, Moony, you're not the only one who can do research."

Remus flushed, and thought he really wouldn't have minded so much if their first kiss was in a hospital bed.

***

“Have you been working on your secret project again?”

Sirius looked startled. “I thought you could only feel my emotions when they were running really high.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I can. But we've been living together for four years, and I can also read your face pretty easily.”

“Good to know you enjoy looking at my face so much.”

“Come on, Sirius. I know you've been working on something for years. It hardly seems fair; you know all my secrets.”

“That's thanks to some amazing detective work on my part. Have you even tried to figure out this one at all?”

“I thought you'd tell me eventually.”

“And I will. Don't think of it as a secret, Moony. Think of it as a surprise!”

Remus sighed, but he knew Sirius wasn't going to give in. And anyway, it was clear that this secret was a happy one that Sirius was excited about. It was a nice change from all their other secrets.

***

James couldn't believe that they'd actually done it.

Sirius had managed it first, turning into a dog while they practiced during the first full moon of the year. He was able to coach James through it that first night.

“A stag?” James spluttered when he turned back. “Don't wolves eat deer?”

“I don't think werewolves do,” commented Sirius.

James could tell that Sirius was itching to tell Remus. James insisted that all three of them needed to be ready, so that they'd have as many people as possible to help if anything went wrong.

They spent the rest of September coaching Peter on transforming whenever they got a chance. Of course, once they'd realized his form was a rat, Sirius pointed out that he wasn't exactly going to be much help against a werewolf. But still, they took one more month to make sure they were really comfortable with it.

“Full moon's next week,” said Sirius. “Can we please tell him now?”

James looked at all of them and nodded. “I think we're ready.”

***

“Wait, James and Peter are in on this, too?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Honestly, Moony. For the smart one in our group, you can be awfully thick. We've been working on this for ages right under your nose!”

Remus was suspicious. “If the three of you are working on something without me, I can only assume that it's so dangerous or illegal that I would never approve.” The other three exchanged looks. “Oh, Merlin. I'm not going to like this, am I?”

“It's brilliant, Moony. You'll see,” said James.

“And what's life without a little danger and criminal activity?” added Sirius with a wink.

Remus sat on the bed, staring at the three of them. “Just get it over with so I can decide how mad I should be.”

The three re-positioned themselves so there was a bit of room between each of them. Nothing happened for a moment, but then Remus yelped as his friends began to change size and shape.

And suddenly, standing before him was a large black dog, a stag, and...He peered towards where Peter had been and found a rat, standing patiently on its back legs, sniffing up at him.

It took him a minute to find his voice. “You're—you're--”

“Animagi,” confirmed James, having turned back into himself. All three of them were human once again, and were watching Remus eagerly.

“Of course,” Remus said. “Of course you are. After all, you're sixteen years old. You've decided to do this with no supervision, and undoubtedly without registering with the Ministry, and with no bloody idea what the hell you were doing. Of course you became Animagi. It's only extremely dangerous and highly illegal.”

“Moony --”

“And of course you kept it secret from me, because I never would have let any of you try to do something so stupid --”

“Moony!” interrupted Sirius. “Werewolves don't attack animals. They only go after human prey.”

It took Remus a second to understand the implication, and then he was throwing his arms around Sirius.

“Oh, Siri,” he whispered. “This is...it's unbelievable.”

And it was. It was stupid and irrational and risky and he absolutely would have told them never to do it, but he was so, so grateful that they had.

“Siri?” he heard James snicker.

Remus turned to the other two and drew them into a hug. He felt them tense, and let them go quickly. He was pretty sure he had never hugged either of them before. “Thank you. All of you. This is amazing.”

The three of them were grinning.

“I knew you'd like it,” said James.

“But you realize what this means, right?” asked Remus, mischievously. “Now it's my turn to give you three irritating nicknames.”

“More irritating than 'Siri'?” James said, grinning.

Peter groaned. “I'd really rather not be known as Rat Boy.”

“Of course not,” scoffed James. “We'll need something much more subtle.”

“Like 'sewer dweller,'” suggested Sirius.

“Or 'cat food,'” offered James.

“'Cheese lover.'”

“'Bug eyes.'”

“'Worm tail.'”

“That's the winner,” said James. “Wormtail. Brilliant. And subtle.”

“Remus,” moaned Peter. “Please don't let them call me Wormtail.”

“Too late, Wormy,” said Sirius, clapping him on the back.

“Come on, Pete. We can come up with nicknames they'll hate as revenge.”

The problem was, of course, that James and Sirius wanted nothing more than to call each other by ludicrous nicknames. They loved every single suggestion.

Remus ended up suggesting “Padfoot,” and was pleased when Sirius insisted on being called that. Peter ended up naming “Prongs,” by virtue of being the only one who could think up another word for “Antlers.”

“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs,” said James, grinning. “I like it.”

***

Sirius didn't think he'd properly realized how big Remus's wolf form was until it was in front of him. This had been his idea, and he was the only one upstairs with the wolf. Prongs couldn't climb stairs, and they had all agreed that Wormtail was too small to introduce before they'd figured out what the wolf's reaction would be.

Sirius himself was a fairly large dog. He'd always really liked the big, strong feeling of his animagus form. But now, looking at Moony howling, he wasn't so sure this was his greatest idea.

Moony turned and looked at him, sniffing. Sirius stood completely still. Moony started circling him, and Sirius thought it would be best to mimic him. He didn't think the wolf looked angry, at least not yet. Maybe just curious.

Moony stalked closer and bared his teeth. Okay, scratch the curious part. Sirius felt instincts kicking in and gladly surrendered to them. Padfoot will know what to do, he thought.

A minute later he was lying on his back with his throat exposed, and starting to think that maybe Padfoot's instincts were even more reckless than his own. He glanced at the wolf, trying to decide if he had enough time to get back on his feet before Moony pounced.

No chance. Moony was practically on him, sniffing him thoroughly. He let out a low growl and moved towards his throat.

Sirius closed his eyes, thinking about how Remus would never forgive him for coming up with this awful plan, when he felt the wolf's teeth barely nip at him, then pull away. He opened his eyes and was greeted by a tongue licking his face. He blinked. The wolf's ears were perked, and its tongue was lolling out of its mouth. Sirius thought that he looked almost happy.

Wait a minute. He was happy. He could feel Padfoot's mood changing in response, and he licked the wolf's face back. The wolf leaped off him and crouched down, playfully wagging his tail before he pounced at Sirius. There were no claws, no teeth, just the two of them pouncing and pinning each other.

He heard noises on the steps that could only be described as a deer trying to climb a rickety set of stairs. He had no idea how much time had passed, and thought James and Peter must be wondering what was happening.

Moony's ears perked up at the sound. Sirius barked playfully and led the way towards the stairs, keeping an eye on the wolf to see if it slipped into attack mode.

If Sirius had been scared when he saw the wolf, he knew that Prongs and Wormtail, who were much more likely to be prey animals than Padfoot, must be terrified.

Sirius had read enough about wolves since second year to know that Moony had just declared himself alpha, and Padfoot had submitted. But he didn't think their plan would work if Moony wasn't willing to follow his lead when they met their friends.

Sirius walked up to his friends. He licked Prongs, and then looked at Moony. James somehow managed to convey a look that said "are you crazy?" on his very non-human face. The wolf, however, understood. He approached cautiously, sniffing Prongs. He didn't lick the stag, but Sirius could see the wolf relax.

Wormtail was sitting on the stag's back. Even though so far everything had gone well, he was the true test. There would be no time to form a backup plan if Remus decided the rat was food.

Sirius walked over to Wormtail and again licked his friend, although cautiously and gently, hoping that Moony would get the message. Moony approached, sniffed, and cocked his head. He looked at Sirius, then sniffed Wormtail again. With a soft growl that Sirius interpreted as indifference, Moony turned and walked away.

His pack followed.

They spent the rest of the evening learning the boundaries of their new relationships. Moony would growl when he felt threatened, but he never moved to hurt any of them. Sirius couldn't help enjoying himself. He felt guilty, knowing Remus most certainly did not enjoy his transformations, but Sirius loved being Padfoot, and Padfoot loved being part of a pack.

The wolf howled as the moon began to set. Sirius barked at him and tried to corral him upstairs. He didn't like to think of Remus transforming back into himself down here when there was a bed right upstairs.

The wolf finally relented, and went back up the stairs. He was getting restless, and Sirius knew he would transform soon.

Sure enough, the fur started shrinking rapidly back into his skin. He heard bones crack and pop as they reformed. The wolf started to howl, which turned into a strangled cry as his vocal cords and mouth reshaped into those of a human.

Sirius could not look away. Remus had told him a million times that it was painful, but he hadn't imagined this. The grotesque way his friend's body was twisting made him sick to his stomach. He tried not to think about Remus going through this every month completely on his own.

Soon, the wolf was gone, and all that remained was Remus, pale and unsteady. Sirius immediately transformed back and grabbed his shoulders.

"''M not dressed," muttered Remus.

Sirius hadn't noticed, really, visions of the transformation still running through his head, and he made a mental note to tease Remus that his first human thought was about his modesty. But he guided him to the bed, and covered him with the blankets. Remus's eyes instantly closed, and his breathing became stay.

Sirius walked back to the stairway. "Guys, it's safe now."

He returned to the bedroom and sat on the bed, watching Remus. James and Peter soon joined him.

"I have to say, I think that was successful," James said, unable to hide his giddiness. This was a plot almost three years in the making, and it had gone off without a hitch.

Sirius nodded.

"I couldn't see too much of what was going on," grumbled Peter, "but it does appear that I wasn't eaten, so I guess everything must be all right."

Sirius nodded again, his eyes still on Remus.

"Padfoot?" James said.

Sirius turned back to him.

"It was awful," he whispered. "The transformation. I never realized --" He broke off, turning away to keep the tears from falling. He hadn't cried in a very long time, and he bloody hell wasn't going to start now, when everything was absolutely fine. The three of them stood there in silence for a long minute, letting the full reality of Remus's life as a werewolf sink in.

"We should probably head back," suggested Peter.

Sirius shook his head. "You guys go ahead. I can't leave him after that."

"But Madam Pomfrey will--"

"I can't. I can't let him wake up here alone. She knows I come up here in the mornings, I'll just have to act like I left early and beat her here."

James and Peter exchanged glances.

"Okay, mate, if you're sure."

Sirius didn't respond. He heard his friends' footsteps fade away, and he buried his face in his hands. He took three calming breaths before he looked back at Remus.

Then he turned back into Padfoot and curled up next to his friend.

Remus felt like shit.

That was a given, the morning after a transformation. He didn't want to open his eyes yet, and instead started to take a mental inventory.

He ached everywhere. He felt it in his joints most. But he didn't feel the stickiness of blood anywhere, or the tingling on his skin that suggested a new scratch.

But... he could feel a warmth all the way along the right side of his body. He panicked, and checked to make sure he could wiggle his fingers and toes on that side. His fingers brushed up against something furry, and his eyes shot open, imagining some bloody carcass lying half-eaten next to him.

Instead, he saw a big black dog, still sleeping soundly.

"Sirius?" He asked.

The dog looked up at him and yawned as he morphed back into his friend.

"Are you awake already? I'm still exhausted," Sirius complained.

"What are you doing here?"

Sirius shrugged. "Keeping you company."

Remus found his face flushing. “I – I'm not dressed.”

“No shit.”

Remus was pulling the blankets higher up his torso, trying to cover himself as much as possible. Sirius reached out and put his hand onto Remus's, making him pause his struggle with the blankets. Sirius leaned over so that his face was inches away from Remus's, and slowly traced one of the scars along Remus's collarbone with a finger. Remus gulped as a shiver went down his spine. He cast around for something else to say, something to disrupt whatever was happening between them.

"Madam Pomfrey will be here any minute--"

"Relax, Moony. I'm always here in the morning. She won't suspect a thing." Sirius was grinning at him.

That grin made Remus forget his worry, replacing it with anger. Of course Sirius thought this was all a big lark, sneaking out at night to transform into a dog and sleep in the Shrieking Shack...

His anger must have shown on his face, because Sirius immediately dropped the smirk and sat up, raising his hands defensively.

"I'm sorry Remus, honestly. I didn't mean to overstay my welcome. I just thought --"

"You just thought what, Sirius? That becoming an illegal Animagus and running around all night with a werewolf wasn't enough? That you wanted to push your luck even further and prove that you could outsmart a teacher?"

"No, mate, that wasn't it at all --"

"Then what, Sirius? What are you doing here, grinning like we've shared in some great joke?"

"I saw you transform!" yelled Sirius.

Remus froze. He suddenly felt very cold. He couldn't break Sirius's gaze.

He didn't remember his first transformation, but he remembered enough of them to know that his parents never stayed when they locked him up. He could remember seeing his parents' faces as they backed out of the basement, fear and sadness clouding them. The next day, they would always treat him as if he was about to break. He'd have to force himself to laugh and joke to reassure them that he was all right, that it wasn't so bad.

Sirius wasn't looking at him like that.

"You did?" he croaked, unable to think of anything else. Sirius nodded.

"I -- Remus, I feel like a huge git. I know that it hurts, I see the kind of shape you're in the next day. But I never really understood."

"How could you?" asked Remus, mostly to himself.

"I couldn't stop thinking about all the times you'd had to go through this alone, and I -- I just couldn't bear the thought of you waking up here, alone again, in the morning."

Remus kept looking at him for a long time.

"Thank you," he finally whispered.

Sirius looked almost pained to hear that, and he opened his mouth to say something when they both heard the floorboards creak below.

“Turn around,” said Remus. Sirius rolled his eyes but obliged, and Remus rushed to get himself dressed.

"Remus?" Madam Pomfrey asked, opening the door. "Are you all right?" She spotted Sirius. “Oh! Mr. Black! I was wondering why I didn't run into you on my way here.”

Sirius grinned. “Must be nice to be able to sleep in like that.”

Madam Pomfrey ignored him. She approached Remus and looked him over carefully.

"No broken bones," she said. Remus shook his head. "No deep scratches, either." She sounded almost impressed. "You're in much better shape than usual, dear."

Remus nodded, avoiding looking at Sirius. "Do I have to go back to the hospital wing? I'd rather just go to my bed."

Madam Pomfrey dug through her bag while she considered it. "I don't see why not," she said as she pulled out a strengthening potion. She passed it to Remus, who downed it all. He knew the drill by now.

As Madam Pomfrey led them out of the room, Sirius reached for his hand and gave it a quick squeeze, which Remus returned. It was almost exciting, feeling like for the first time in years, the full moons had changed for him.

***

"I don't think I even want a soulmate. You and Remus have completely put me off the idea," James said as they walked towards the Quidditch pitch. He'd managed to convince Sirius to come help him run drills.

"What? Why?"

"Just seems like an awful lot of...tension."

Sirius shrugged. He knew his friend wasn't wrong. "Only recently."

"I think it would drive me crazy."

"I don't mind it," Sirius said, grinning. James raised an eyebrow at him. "What? It's not like it's bad tension. We both know what's going to happen. We're just figuring out the timing. And that feeling, knowing it might happen any day now, honestly, that anticipation is amazing."

James rolled his eyes. "Well, it's much less fun watching the two of you from the outside, I can tell you. And besides, you've had over three years to anticipate! Surely that's enough!"

"It wasn't like that, though. Before. I wasn't really thinking about being with him, you know? I mean, I wanted to be near him and protect him, but I never really thought about us being properly together."

"You didn't? I always thought you were a little bit in love with him, right from the beginning."

"I guess I was, but I didn't think of it that way at the time. But at least I've been in love with someone who I know is going to love me back," he said, glancing meaningfully at James, who glared at him.

"I happen to know that Evans will love me back. Just because she doesn't know it yet..." Sirius laughed. "I'm serious, Padfoot! No, don't say it. I keep expecting the marks to show up any day, but she's never scratched or bruised, of course, so I just don't know."

Sirius thought about that. "I hadn't really considered how lucky I was to have such a frequently bruised soulmate." James laughed. "If you want, I could punch you in the face," offered Sirius. "Then we can see if Lily shows up with a black eye."

"That's real generous of you, Pads, but I'm good. It's like you said -- the anticipation." James wiggled his eyebrows, and Sirius pushed him. James pulled his arm as he fell, and they ended up wrestling in the grass for several minutes, until they gave it up from laughing too much.

***

Remus was practically bouncing as they walked towards Defense Against the Dark Arts.

“What's up, Moony? You're even more excited about going to class than usual,” teased James.

Remus grinned at him. “We're learning Patronuses today.”

Sirius looked at James and Peter, who looked just as surprised as he felt. “We are?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Didn't you hear all the fifth year Hufflepuffs talking about it at lunch?”

“No,” the other three said in unison.

Sure enough, they spent the double period focusing on happy thoughts and trying to get a corporeal Patronus to form. The class was in a really good mood. Patronuses were more exciting than regular spells, because they told you something unique about yourself.

Sirius was not surprised when Remus completed the charm first. He had been reading all the theory behind Patronuses for years. Sirius was just glad to know that his friend had enough happy thoughts to make it work.

The entire class gathered around to watch as a big, shaggy dog burst out of Remus's wand and ran playfully around the room. Sirius grinned and caught his friend's eye. He could see that James and Peter were also smirking, knowing that nobody else in the room knew what Remus's Patronus meant.

It wasn't a surprise, of course. Nobody knew for sure what determined a person's Patronus, but a lot of theorists thought they might be tied to the soulmate bond.

“Is that the grim?” Lily asked, frowning at the silvery dog.

“Of course not,” scoffed Sirius. “It's just a dog.”

“Looks a lot like the grim.”

Other students murmured their agreement. Sirius turned to face her.

“If a dementor came in right now, Remus would have a better chance of fending him off with his grim than you would with your blob of silver.”

He knew she wouldn't be able to resist the challenge. Sure enough, she screwed up her face in concentration. “Expecto patronum!”

Sirius knew Lily was a clever witch, and that she wouldn't have trouble completing the spell. What he didn't expect was for two antlers to burst from her wand, followed by what was unmistakably –

“-- a stag,” said Lily.

Sirius turned to look at James, who had dropped his wand and was staring at the stag with his mouth open.

The class was buzzing at the success of two of their classmates and quickly resumed trying to cast the spell themselves. Sirius walked over to James, picked up his wand, and handed it to him.

“Close your mouth, Prongs,” he said.

James turned to look at him, still in utter shock.

“What does it mean?” he whispered.

Sirius shrugged. “Who's to say, mate? Nobody knows exactly how Patronuses work.” He glanced over at Remus, who was grinning as he cast his Patronus again.

He clapped James on the shoulder. “Come on. We can't let them show us up.”

James nodded, and Sirius suspected he had just found the happy thought he was going to focus on.

Sure enough, several tries later, James's own Patronus was prancing around the room. Sirius looked over and saw a quick fox slinking its way around his friend's legs.

“Come on, Padfoot,” said Remus, drawing his attention back to the task at hand. “Give it another go.”

Sirius focused on the moment that he'd been sorted into Gryffindor, and the relief and pride he'd felt at the proof that he was nothing like the rest of his family.

“Expecto patronum!”

And there, in front of him, was a large wolf.

Sirius gaped at it. He looked to see Remus doing the same thing.

“Is that – “

Sirius nodded. It was unmistakably Moony.

He knew that Remus was staring at him, and for some reason, he felt himself blushing. He wasn't sure why it was so much more shocking to see the wolf than it had been to see Remus's dog Patronus. He felt a hand on his arm and looked over to see Remus still staring at him.

“You really aren't scared,” he whispered.

That was it, Sirius realized. The dog was just him, while the wolf had always seemed like something separate from Remus.

“Of course not! We've all been spending nights with Moony all year. Why would we be doing that if we were scared?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Gryffindor bravery? Arrogance? Sense of adventure?”

Sirius looked back to where the wolf was fading away.

“He is the alpha of the pack,” Remus commented. There it was again; Remus referred to the wolf as “he” instead of “I”. Not that it was necessarily wrong, but it didn't seem quite right, either.

Sirius found himself holding Remus's gaze as he raised his chin slightly, baring his throat in submission, as he'd done the first night he saw the wolf. He could tell that Remus understood, and it sent a little thrill through him.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Maybe Padfoot likes being bossed around more than I thought.” He caught Remus giving him a wicked grin. “What?”

“If I had known, I would've been bossing you around for years.”

“Shut up, Moony.”

There was a squeal of excitement from across the room, and they both turned to see the fourth Marauder completing the spell. Peter had the largest Patronus yet – a grizzly bear was sitting in front of him, silently roaring.

“I guess someone who spends their time as a rat would want quite a large bodyguard,” mused Remus.

“Wormtail spends too much time around tame predators. That bear would eat him up, rat or no,” Sirius said.

“Come on,” said Remus, turning away. “See if you can do it again.”

***

"Mum's officially inviting you all over Christmas break," James said, skimming the letter that had just been delivered. "And she wants to know -- oh." His face flushed. He passed the letter to Sirius, and whispered something to Peter, who snickered.

Remus watched, amused, as Sirius also flushed. He wondered what scandalous thing Mrs. Potter could have written to make both his friends turn red with embarrassment. He held out his hand, and Sirius passed him the letter, not meeting his eye.

Remus skimmed the letter, which seemed mostly to be updates about the Potters, their jobs, and their neighbors. And then his eye caught on "Remus and Sirius".

"Of course, all three of the boys are welcome to stay for the break. Are Remus and Sirius using one room or two these days?"

All things considered, that was much tamer than he would've guessed from the other boys' reactions. He folded the letter and handed it back to James. He glanced at Sirius, who was still red and not looking at him. He prodded at their bond, but whatever Sirius was feeling, it wasn't strong enough for Remus to sense it. He waited until Sirius had picked up his goblet of pumpkin juice and raised it to his lips, then --

"Tell her one," Remus said, keeping his eyes on Sirius.

He got his desired reaction, which was Sirius spitting juice across the table at James and almost choking. He turned to look at Remus, mouth agape.

"Are you sure?"

Remus shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. It had just been an impulse, really, but now that he had said it, he knew it was what he wanted. "We share a bed all the time. It'd be wasteful to use two."

"Don't see you offering to bunk with Peter or me for the sake of wastefulness," said James. Remus rolled his eyes.

"You're both welcome to join, though," Sirius said, having regained his usual overconfidence. James and Peter ignored him; this type of statement made much less of an impact coming from Sirius, who made lewd jokes on a daily basis.

Under the table, Sirius's hand had found its way to Remus's leg, and gave his knee a quick squeeze. Remus smiled at him, hoping he still seemed calm. In reality, he thought his heart might be racing until Christmas.

--

"It is a bit odd, though, isn't it?" asked Sirius when they were back in their dorm. He was never quite sure when it came to parents, but this was one of those things he thought parents were supposed to worry about. "I mean, would your parents let us sleep in the same bed if we were at yours?"

Remus snorted, not looking up from his book. "No way. But my parents didn't meet until they were in their twenties. Mr. and Mrs. Potter met when they were about our age, so they probably --"

He was cut off by a pillow that had been thrown by James. "Please do not start talking about my parents shagging at the age of fifteen."

Remus threw the pillow back. "You're the one who brought up shagging, James. I just meant they probably understand the desire to be together."

"So you're not shagging?" asked Peter.

Sirius really liked the way Remus's face turned bright red at that question. He thought Remus deserved to squirm a bit; after all, he was the one who'd decided they'd be rooming together at the Potters'.

"No, but I tell you what, Pete: Would you prefer we started shagging here, in the room you both sleep in, or at the Potters', in a room probably decorated with James's baby pictures?" Sirius asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh Merlin," said James, burying his face in his hands. "How are those the only options?"

"Definitely at the Potters'," said Peter. He dodged the pillow James threw at him.

"Okay, but would you prefer if we started using pet names around you two or snogging in front of you?"

"Oh my god, Padfoot," moaned Remus. "Please shut up."

Sirius caught his eye and grinned.

"I thought you two hadn't even snogged yet," said James.

Remus covered his face with his book. "I forgot that being Sirius Black's soulmate meant that every detail of my private life would be shared with James Potter."

Sirius glanced over, but he knew Remus was only embarrassed, not mad. They talked about everything -- including what Sirius was allowed to say to James.

"You haven't?" asked Peter. "Why not?"

Sirius felt himself starting to flush. "No reason. It's just -- timing, you know?"

"Dunno, mate, I think Moony might start snogging that book if you don't kiss him soon," teased James. Remus picked up said book and threw it at James's head, but he dodged it. "I've got those Quidditch reflexes, Moons, you'll have to do better than that."

Sirius saw a very dangerous look pass over Remus's face, and then, before he'd had time to process it, Remus had leaped over to James's bed and had him pinned to it.

"Bloody hell," murmured Sirius, wondering how pinning someone else to a bed managed to be the hottest thing he'd ever seen Remus do.

"I've got those wolf reflexes, Prongs," Remus said. "I can do better than that whenever I want." He jumped off the bed, where James remained frozen for several seconds.

"Fuck, Moony," he finally said, sitting up. "Why don't we have you doing that more often?"

Sirius privately agreed.

Remus raised his eyebrow. "Pinning you to your bed? I'm flattered, Prongs, but--"

"Shut up. Imagine the type of havoc we could wreak with that strength and speed!"

Sirius saw Remus's face darken, and automatically stood up to move closer to James's bed, which Remus still stood next to.

"I'm not a weapon for you to use," he snarled. James was taken aback.

Sirius put a hand on Remus's shoulder, but made no move to intervene.

"Whoa, Moony, of course not. You're right, that sounded dumb. I didn't think. I just meant it the same way as when we discovered Peter's remarkable aim when flinging food from a spoon, you know? I'm just being an idiot, trying to think of how we could use all our skills."

"It's okay," said Remus, rolling his shoulders. Sirius removed his hand. "It's just, I have to bring the wolf a lot closer to do stuff like that, you know? Not really something I want to get in the habit of doing often."

Sirius quickly prodded their connection, and felt no trace of the wolf. Had there been, a minute ago? He wasn't sure. He'd been mildly distracted.

"I'm sorry," said James. "I'll try not to be such a prat next time."

"I'll believe it when I see it," quipped Remus.

James looked at Sirius for the first time, and raised an eyebrow at whatever he saw on his face. Sirius quickly schooled his expression into one that he hoped was neutral.

***

[context: hiding from Filch after some prank]

“I think the coast is clear,” Sirius said, his ear to the door. He was trying to ignore how he could feel Remus’s breath on his neck.

He turned around to plan their escape, to find Remus’s attention solely on him. He swallowed. Being in cramped quarters like this made it impossible to ignore how completely aware he was of every inch of his soulmate.

Before Sirius could gather the strength to look away, Remus was leaning in, and their lips were meeting, and Sirius’s hands reached up to tangle in tawny hair as he felt Remus’s hands move to his waist and pull him closer in. Sirius caught Remus’s lower lip between his teeth, and was rewarded with a throaty growl and a shove up against the wall.

Kissing Remus was the feeling he got when he watched a Muggle motorbike drive by, it was flying, it was running through the woods as Padfoot, it was the intoxicating feeling of being high up on a ledge with the wind daring you to jump off it, it was what he imagined Felix Felicis must feel like. Sirius thought he might drown in it when Remus pulled away, and then stepped back. He blinked, trying to come back to his senses.

“Re?”

“Shit. Sirius. I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No, of course not. What are you talking about?” Sirius felt completely lost at this point. Was snogging supposed to be painful, somehow?

“When I shoved you --”

Sirius almost laughed with relief. “What, against the wall? No, that didn’t hurt. It was actually pretty hot.” He reached out, wanting to draw Remus back into him, but the other boy stepped out of his reach. Sirius let his hands drop, feeling more lost by the minute.

“I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Moony, I just told you: I liked it. Why are you so worried about this?”

Remus wouldn’t meet his eye. “Being aggressive like that. That’s not me. It’s like the wolf just took over.”

Sirius blinked. “I’m sorry, are you trying to convince me that a wolf just kissed me? Because it sure felt like you.”

“I wouldn’t have done something like that. That might hurt you.”

“Remus, this has nothing to do with the wolf. You have to know that. People get a little aggressive when they’re being intimate sometimes, because it’s sexy. All sorts of people are into that, not just werewolves.” Sirius started making a mental list of some of his more risque magazines that he could show Remus to demonstrate this point.

“You’re not listening to me, Sirius. I can’t risk something like that. I can’t let the wolf take control.”

Sirius was aware of a heavy tightness in his chest that had been growing ever since Remus had pushed him away.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. You know that. I’ve been fine waiting all this time, Re, and I don’t mind waiting more, but I need to know if I’m waiting for something that will actually happen, or if I’m fooling myself.”

“Pads --”

“I mean it. Is it always going to be that only the wolf wants me?”

Sirius didn’t believe that there was a “wolf” that had wants separate from Remus’s, but as long as Remus thought there was, he knew it would keep guiding the decisions the other boy made.

He looked at his soulmate, and saw, not a wolf, but a scared teenage boy with an anguished expression. Sirius bit his lip to keep a sob from escaping. He ducked his head to keep Remus from seeing, and swiftly left the closet, letting the door close heavily behind him.

He didn’t hear it open again.

***

As James walked through the portrait hole behind Peter, his focus was completely on his Transfiguration essay. He’d been about halfway done when Madam Pince had informed them the library was closed for the night, and he didn’t want to forget the next point he was about to make.

But of course, he completely lost his train of thought when Peter nudged him and directed his attention to the sofa nearest the fire.

James blinked several times, trying to make sense of the scene in front of him.

“That can’t actually be him, right? It must be...Polyjuice, or an Imperius, or something, yeah?”

“I don’t think so,” said Peter.

“Then it must be a dare. Or a game.” James tried to sound confident in that assertion. “Come on.”

He and Peter made their way over to the sofa that Sirius was sitting on, where he seemed to be flirting with Mary. At least, he was sitting with his arm on the couch behind her and giving her a rakish grin.

“Hey, Pads,” James said as they approached. Sirius looked up.

“Hey, Prongs. Wormtail.”

“Everything all right, mate?” asked Peter.

“Yeah, of course.”

James exchanged a worried look with Peter.

“Er, do you know where Moony is?” James tried.

Sirius shrugged, but his expression was stony. “No clue. Try the library?”

He started to turn his attention back to Mary. James gaped at him.

“Do you mind? We’re sort of in the middle of something,” said Mary, when she realized both James and Peter were still staring at them.

“Er, yeah. I mean, no. I mean, Sirius, can you come with us? It’s urgent.”

“Whatever it is, just figure it out without me,” Sirius said, not looking at them.

Fuck, thought James. This is the point when Moony would normally reign him in.

“Sirius. Now,” said Peter, in a voice that left no room for argument, which James had never heard come out of his mouth before.

Even more amazingly, Sirius shrugged and followed them up to their room. He flopped onto his bed as James scrambled to come up with what to say.

“Padfoot. What the hell was that?” he settled on.

“We were just talking.”

“Didn’t look that way,” said Peter. Sirius shrugged his shoulders without sitting up.

“What about Remus?” asked James.

Sirius’s face hardened. “He doesn’t care what I do. He’s made that perfectly clear.”

“Did something happen?”

That was met with silence. James turned helplessly back to Peter to have a frantic, silent conversation.

Someone needs to go after Remus, James tried to communicate.

Where the hell is he, though?

James nodded towards the unfinished Map. See if you can find him, yeah?

Peter shrugged one shoulder. Worth a shot. He grabbed the Map and left the room, leaving James with his best friend. He sighed, and moved to join Sirius on his bed.

“Hey, mate. You’ve got to talk to me.”

“He’s the one who kept saying I could date other people. He’s been saying it for years. I’m such an idiot for not realizing what he meant.”

“Wait. Remus wants to see other people?”

“I don’t know what he wants. All I know is that he doesn’t want me.”

“What are you talking about? He --” --loves you, James finished in his head, but it didn’t feel appropriate for him to be the one to point that out to Sirius. “--can’t take his eyes off you,” he finished lamely.

“He kissed me, Prongs.”

“What? When?”

“A couple hours ago, I guess. He kissed me, and then he pushed me away and told me the wolf made him do it, or some bull like that.”

“What?” James said again.

“I can’t believe all this time, I’ve been so sure that eventually, the timing would be right, and it would just happen, and he can’t even admit to wanting to kiss me.”

James’s head was spinning. Sirius and Remus were such a sure thing in his mind. After all, they were soulmates. How could something like this happen?

He pulled his thoughts back in, trying to find some way to comfort Sirius.

“It’s not the worst thing in the world, is it? I mean, I see why you’re upset, but you know how our Moony gets. It takes him a while to realize that isolating himself doesn’t actually help anyone.”

Sirius turned to look at him for the first time, and James could see that tears were welling in his eyes.

“I’ve already waited ‘awhile.’ What if he just doesn’t want me?”

“You two can figure this out. I know it. Just don’t go throwing yourself at Mary just to spite him, okay? I thought you weren’t even interested in her.”

“I’m not, really. I just wanted to know what it was like to be with someone who wanted me more than I wanted them.”

“He does want you, Sirius. We all know it.”

Sirius sighed. “I think I might just go to bed. I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

James didn’t point out that it was only nine. Instead, he got up and pulled the curtains closed around Sirius’s bed while his friend kicked off his shoes and climbed under the covers.

He sat on his bed and stared at those curtains.

This was not good.

***

Remus, according to the Map, was in a broom cupboard. Peter knew all the kinks hadn’t been worked out in the tracking charms, but he figured it was as good a place to start as any, so he made his way there.

To his surprise, Remus Lupin was exactly where the Map had promised he’d be: sitting in a broom cupboard, in the dark.

“Moony? You okay?”

Remus looked up. “What’re you doing here? Is Sirius okay?”

Peter flicked his wand at the lantern on the wall to light up the place, and then slid onto the floor next to Remus, letting the door close behind him.

“He’s with James.” If Remus noticed that he hadn’t technically answered the question, he didn’t comment on it. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Remus let out a strangled laugh. “I don’t know that it’s something you’d understand.”

“Why? Because I don’t have a soulmate?” It’s possible there was some bitterness in his voice, because Remus looked taken aback.

“No, that’s not what I meant at all, actually. I meant that you’re not a werewolf.”

“Are you saying you got in a fight with Padfoot because you’re a werewolf?”

“Something like that.”

“Come on. Give me something, here. We both know Sirius doesn’t care about that.”

Remus let his forehead drop onto his knees. “Maybe he should.”

“Is this more of your ‘I’m so dangerous’ act, or is there something else going on?”

Remus gave another humorless laugh. “It’s not an act. I’m just worried that I’ll lose control around him.”

“Lose control? Isn’t the control sort of up to the moon?”

“Very funny. You know how I change around the full. I don’t mean the actual wolf part, but leading up to it. I get all tense and restless. I’m still human, but I start to lose control over bits of myself.”

Peter frowned. He knew what Remus was referring to, but he’d never really thought about it like that.

“And when I’m with Sirius...it feels the same, sometimes. Like all I want is to be with him, to claim him, and that I’m not going to let anything stop me.”

Peter shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to know what Remus meant by “claiming” Sirius. Maybe he should’ve convinced James to handle this part.

“Moony, you know who else loses control? Everybody. That’s not a wolf thing, that’s a human thing.”

“But I’m not like that. It has to be the wolf.”

“Some people...might behave, er, differently in more intimate situations, though, right? I mean, people behave differently all the time. And honestly, I almost think you’re looking at it backwards.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, a lot of who you are is influenced by the wolf, right? Not directly, like you’re thinking, but more indirectly. Because you’re a werewolf, you’ve put a lot of time into seeming like a quiet, restrained person, because if nobody thinks you’re in any way dangerous, they’re less likely to treat you like some sort of beast. But what I’m trying to say is that some people are dangerous, and they have no wolf in them at all, right? And most people have different spaces where they like to explore being out of control. Think of Sirius racing around on his broom. He likes it because it’s somewhat out of his control, right? Maybe this is just the first time you’ve felt safe enough to explore that side of yourself.”

Peter realized that Remus was staring at him as he finished talking. He blushed a bit. He had sounded a little more presumptuous than he’d meant to.

“I just don’t know what to do, Pete,” Remus whispered after a moment.

“I know. I don’t, either. But we both know Sirius is going through hell while you figure it out.”

***

James had been sure that Sirius and Remus would make up soon. One convenient thing about Remus’s lycanthropy was that it ran on a pretty demanding schedule, so James was confident his friends would find a way to make things work before the next full.

Which was why, now that the day had arrived, he was finding himself fairly frustrated at their utter refusal to talk to each other.

Well. Maybe “utter refusal” was the wrong way to look at it. It was more that Remus was, as usual, isolating himself and not talking much with any of them, and Sirius was, as usual, falling into a mood where he’d stopped paying much attention to what was going on.

He pulled his eyes from where Sirius sat, poking at his porridge, to meet Peter’s weary gaze. Tension in the group was never easy on the rest of the friends, especially around this time of the month. He sighed, jerking his head towards where Remus sat at the other end of the table, ostensibly with Evans, but clearly as preoccupied as the rest of them. Peter nodded in understanding. It was time to try talking some sense into their friends, and one of them was much more receptive to sense than the other.

So when Remus got up from the table, James stood up to follow him. He saw Peter lean forward to try to engage Sirius in conversation, but he was pretty sure Sirius didn’t notice any of their movements.

“Moony. Hey. Wait up.”

Remus froze, but didn’t turn around. James reprimanded himself for waiting until the most difficult day for Remus to try to have this conversation. He bumped his shoulder into his friend’s as he caught up, trying to relieve some of the tension.

“Hey, James. Can this wait until after Defence?”

“‘Fraid not. Come on.” James swung his arm around Remus’s shoulder and steered them into a disused classroom.

“So. Moony. Tonight.”

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair, not meeting James’s eye. “Yeah. Listen, I’ve been thinking. I really appreciate everything you’ve all done for me, but maybe it’d be best if you didn’t come.”

James felt like he’d been slapped in the face. Not because of the words themselves, but because what they both knew Remus meant.

“You don’t want Sirius there.”

Remus winced. “It’s not safe.”

James felt his blood start to boil in a fierce, protective way that he’d never thought one of his fellow Marauders might provoke in him like this.

“That’s bollocks, and we both know it. It’s perfectly safe in our Animagus forms. You and Sirius have been at this for weeks. I’ve been so sure that he was the one being pigheaded, going on and on about how you don’t want him, but it’s true, isn’t it? You’re trying to cut him out, and you don’t even have the courage to tell him yourself.”

Remus finally looked him in the eye, and James was reminded again that this was the worst possible day to do this. Where he’d expected to see pain and fear, he saw only anger in his friend’s expression, as Remus’s mouth lifted into a snarl.

“You have no idea, do you? What it’s like, to feel every month like I’m putting you all at risk? And now every day, to worry that…” Remus broke off. He turned and kicked the wall behind him, and then broke the fierceness of his rage somewhat by swearing and hopping up and down on his uninjured foot.

“Every day? What do you mean, you’re worried every day?”

Remus sagged against the wall, although James wasn’t sure whether that was in pain or exhaustion at this point. Either way, the fight seemed to have gone out of him.

“The Allure,” he whispered.

James wracked his brain, trying to figure out what those words, implied capital letters and all, could possibly mean. “The what?”

“Think of every werewolf story you’ve ever heard, Prongs. Hell, even Muggle werewolf stories have it. Innocent damsel is intrigued by the Big Bad Wolf and follows him into the woods. Why? Not because they’re in love, or even because they’re curious. Because the wolf is a predator with a power over them, the power to make them want to come with them, especially on the night of the full moon.”

James felt like he was missing something. “But those are just stories.”

Remus laughed humorlessly. “It’s all just stories. I’m just a story. Nobody has really studied werewolves. Everything that’s suspected about us is based off of stories. And a lot of it is true. And then there’s Sirius…” Remus buried his face in his hands. “Why else would he want me?”

James was stunned. “What about the marks, though?”

Remus shrugged. “As far as we can know, they showed up right after I’d been bit. Maybe they’re part of it.”

“Moony. Come on. Don’t you think that’s a little far-fetched?”

Another shrug.

“Okay, I’ll answer for you: yes, it is far-fetched. First of all, Sirius would be with you any day of the month, and we both know that. Second, if the idea of this Allure thing is that it would help lure prey, why would it work on only one person you’ve ever met? And third…” James paused, trying to figure out exactly what it was he wanted to say. It felt important, but he’d never been especially good with words. “Third, feelings that feel real are real, aren’t they? You can tell yourself that Sirius’s feelings for you aren’t real, but, you’re really breaking his heart right now, you know.” James registered the pain on Remus’s face. “And I will not tell him not to come tonight. All three of us promised we’d be there every month, and if you don’t want him there, you’ll have to face him yourself.”

And with that, he left the room.

Remus wouldn’t tell Sirius not to come.

He was almost certain of it.

***

The wolf could tell right away that the dog was upset. He didn’t like that. He didn’t want any of his pack to be upset, but the dog, especially, should not be.

Maybe the dog was hungry, like he was. He sniffed the air, hopefully, but, as always, he couldn’t smell any prey.

He whined at the dog, and nipped at him playfully, but the dog didn’t want to play.

Well. The wolf was the Alpha. He’d figure out some way to help the dog. He took off, leading them into the forest, carefully watching to make sure all three of the others stayed with him.

Eventually, he stopped. He saw something…there. A little cave. He dug at the entrance, clearing aside brush. He led the way in, sniffing to make sure there was no trace of predators. Satisfied with the shelter he’d found, he looked at the other three. They’d followed him in, but stayed by the entrance, seeming confused. The stag’s antlers barely fit into the small space.

The wolf yipped at them, circling the cave to try to make them understand. When none of them moved, he gave up, and laid down on the ground, staring at them expectantly.

After a few moments, the stag cautiously came forward, and lowered himself to rest on the ground nearby, the rat nestled in his fur. The wolf sniffed, satisfied, and turned back to stare at the dog.

With a low growl, the dog turned in a circle and settled himself on the floor. The wolf prowled over, rearranging himself so that he was closer to the dog, and between the entrance and his pack. Satisfied, he settled back down.

And went to sleep.

***

Despite having known Remus for years and having joined him for many moons as Padfoot, Sirius hadn’t ever honestly believed that he would fall asleep next to a werewolf in its wolf form.

Yet, when he heard his friend’s shuddering screams at sunup, he realised that’s exactly what he’d done.

Sirius morphed back into his own body, instantly reaching out to the Room to ask it to start shifting into a more comfortable space for Remus, a warm one with a bed and those big fleece blankets he liked so much.

As Remus’s body finished its changes, collapsing onto a floor that was now carpeted with fibers rather than pine, Sirius rushed forward, only to realize there was no bleeding, no broken bones to be mended. He and the others pulled Remus onto the bed that the Room had placed nearby and tucked him under the blankets before looking at each other.

“What in Merlin’s name was that all about?” James asked at last.

Sirius shrugged, not wanting to give voice to the theory he’d formed before falling asleep.

“Maybe you two should get into fights more often, Padfoot,” suggested Peter. “If it turns the wolf so docile. Not that I’m complaining about our usual nights, mind you, but it is preferable to spending the whole night running around.”

“Who’s running?” scoffed James. “You mean riding around.”

Sirius tuned them out, cautiously reaching a hand forward to stroke Remus’s hair. He hadn’t been sure what the moon would be like, to be honest. He and Remus hadn’t spoken in weeks, and he had expected the wolf to greet him with animosity or indifference, not to essentially bid him to take a nap.

“Pads, you staying?” asked James, snapping Sirius out of his reverie. He realized that James and Peter had been moving towards the door.

“Yeah,” he said, automatically. He hadn’t really thought about it, but he’d promised, hadn’t he? Just like he’d promised to be there for all the moons, he’d promised to be there for the mornings, as well.

He heard the door close, and he climbed up onto the bed to sit next to Remus. The Room felt comfortable and cozy, which almost surprised him, given his own inner turmoil.

“Siri,” a voice muttered, and he looked down to find tawny eyes blinking up at him. “You’re here.”

“Always, Re. You know that. Go back to sleep. It’s barely morning.”

Remus frowned. “Why don’t I feel like shit, then?”

Sirius tried to keep his tone even as he replied, “The wolf slept most of the night.”

All traces of tiredness vanished from Remus’s eyes, and Sirius put a hand on his shoulder to keep him from sitting up. He laid himself down, instead, so they could have this conversation more easily.

“The wolf doesn’t sleep. What happened?”

Sirius shrugged, wondering why he felt so embarrassed to talk about it. It was far from the most embarrassing thing to have happened between them. “You led us to a little cave and laid down until we all followed suit.”

“Was I hurt?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Were one of you hurt?”

“No. I don’t know why it happened, okay? Maybe you just haven’t been sleeping well.” He didn’t mean to imply since I’m not in your bed anymore, but the implication was there anyway, and Sirius found he couldn’t meet his soulmate’s eyes.

Remus was silent for a moment, but before Sirius could get up the nerve to check if he was still awake, the door opened.

***

Madam Pomfrey wasn’t surprised to find Mr. Black in Mr. Lupin’s bed in his magical Room. She had long suspected that the boy was beating her there, and then sneaking out to enter behind her. She couldn’t begrudge him for wanting to check on his friend’s safety, and she knew that his Healing skills were developing nicely.

She did wonder, not for the first time, if she needed to have a talk with the two of them about a different health matter. She silently cursed Albus for still failing to hire a Sexuality Education Professor, despite her yearly pleas.

“Mr. Black. No major injuries with Mr. Lupin, I presume?” She saw that the boy’s cheeks were red, and she wasn’t sure if she should be relieved or frightened that he seemed to be embarrassed to have been caught lying in his friend’s bed.

And Merlin, the two of them shared a dormitory, didn’t they? She had been saying for years that the single-sex dorming was old-fashioned and insufficient, and she should know. She and Antonia were in different Houses, but had had an easier time spending the night together than some straight couples she knew.

Well. Easier in some ways, at least.

Albus should know too, come to think of it, but she supposed he had bigger plimpies to fry.

“No, Madam Pomfrey. Scans showed normal vitals, with no bleeding or broken bones,” Mr. Black said.

She nodded, leaning forward to perform her own scans. Mr. Lupin seemed to be dozing lightly, and in fact seemed to be in much better shape than she found him most mornings. She frowned, wondering what could possibly cause the wide range of status that the werewolf could appear to be in.

“Very good,” she said. “You’ll contact me if his status changes, of course?” The boy nodded. “Excellent. And, Mr. Black, remember -- just because he’s uninjured doesn’t mean he’s not physically exhausted. See to it that he won’t exert himself for the rest of the day, won’t you?” She saw by the boy’s reddened face that he understood her meaning.

Satisfied, she nodded to herself and left. They were young, yet. Maybe this would be the year Albus would finally hire that Sexuality Professor.

***

A muffled giggle alerted Sirius that he would, in fact, die of humiliation.

“I cannot believe that you are awake and made me endure that alone!” he moaned, pulling his pillow over his face. He couldn’t bear to look at Remus after Madam Pomfrey’s parting comment.

“I wasn’t until the very end,” Remus insisted. “Anyway, you heard her. I’m exhausted. It’s possible dealing with that embarrassment might have caused me to over-exert myself.”

Sirius groaned into his pillow, but couldn’t stop himself from grinning. This sounded an awful lot like the Remus he thought he’d lost a few weeks back.

“Hey, move the pillow, will you? I want to say something before I fall back asleep, and I’d rather say it to your face.”

Sirius gulped. He dragged the pillow partway off his face, leaving it in convenient grabbing range in case humiliation threatened to kill him again.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said.

Sirius stared.

“I -- I need you to know that I didn’t act that way because I don’t want to be with you, okay? Because I do. But I just...I freaked out. I keep worrying that the wolf is tricking you into wanting me, that it’s not really what you want.” Remus was the one avoiding looking at him now. “But that wasn’t fair of me.”

“You thought...what, that I have no sense of self-preservation? That I liked the idea of being with a dangerous werewolf?”

Remus shook his head.

“No, it’s not that. Although, yes, your lack of self-preservation is concerning. But no, I’ve been worried that making people like me is a wolf thing, and that you’d...fallen prey to it, I guess?”

Sirius blinked at him. Remus sighed.

“Yeah, that’s basically what James said, too.”

“Smart man.”

Remus laughed. “I’m too tired to get my words together properly, but I wanted you to know. I’m not running away again.” This time, Remus looked him straight in the eye. “If you’ll still have me.”

Sirius thought he might have stopped breathing for a moment. He considered that, at his least coherent, Remus was still probably better with words than he’d ever be.

Remus was biting his lip, probably trying to read his expression. Sirius did the only thing that felt natural. He lifted his hand up to cup Remus’s face, and had barely begun to lean forward when he felt soft lips meeting his own.

This kiss was sweet, gentle. It was a kiss that promised more, if not at this moment.

They broke apart shortly, and Remus was stifling a yawn.

“Sorry,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “It’s not a comment on kissing you.”

Sirius grinned back.

“I know. Go to sleep.”

Remus settled against his pillows, a contented smile on his lips. Sirius nestled down beside him, resting his head on his soulmate’s chest.

He felt like the Room sighed around them.

***

[here's a second, much fluffier version of a first kiss scene that I wrote a long time ago and would probably have been cut, so enjoy]

It was the day of the last Hogsmeade trip before the holidays, and Sirius convinced Remus to stay at the castle with him while most of the other students went off to do some last-minute holiday shopping.

Sirius felt his heart pounding, as it often did when he was alone with Remus these days. They were walking around the grounds, trying to act as if the air between them wasn't electric. Sirius had been trying to gather up his courage all week. The holidays were fast approaching, and Sirius felt like something ought to happen before they had a whole week at the Potters' with a room of their own.

Between the snow and the Hogsmeade trip, the grounds were practically empty. They were making for their favorite beech tree by the lake, without really thinking about where they were going.

“You have all your Christmas shopping done, then?” asked Remus, breaking the silence they'd held for a while.

“Yeah. Helps that I don't have to spend any time shopping for my family anymore. You?”

“Just about. Mum and Dad are pretty upset that I'm not coming home for the break, so I'm trying to go all-out on their gifts to make it up to them. Have a couple more charms to add before they're ready, I think.”

Sirius grinned. Remus almost never gave anyone a present that he hadn't spent time charming to make it work exactly how Remus thought it should.

They had reached the beech tree. Sirius watched as Remus laid out the blanket he'd charmed to stay warm and dry, and felt a chill go up his spine when Remus looked up at him. He'd been trying to track exactly how and when their relationship had changed, and he thought moments like these sort of showed it. Sirius had been watching Remus since they met, out of interest, curiosity, and protectiveness, but the feeling of his heart leaping into his throat when the other boy caught him at it was new.

Sirius carefully sat down besides Remus. This, too, had changed; the easy way they'd always been with each other had become more and more tense over the last couple of months. He was enjoying the anticipation, as he'd told James, but he also longed to be able to touch Remus again without feeling like everything might explode at any moment.

Remus was watching him just as intently, and Sirius dared to maintain eye contact, feeling his heart pound as those amber eyes bored into his. Slowly, carefully, Sirius reached up his hand to cup Remus's face. Remus leaned into the touch.

“I want to kiss you,” Sirius whispered, eyes not leaving Remus's. Remus nodded, and then he was leaning forward, and their lips met in the space in between them.

Sirius felt heat explode in his chest, and he wrapped an arm around Remus, pulling them closer together. Remus responded by lacing his fingers through Sirius's hair.

Kissing Remus was the feeling he got when he watched a Muggle motorbike drive by, it was flying, it was running through the woods as Padfoot, it was the intoxicating feeling of being high up on a ledge with the wind daring you to jump off it, it was what he imagined Felix Felices must feel like.

And it wasn't just a physical sensation. Sirius could feel through their bond how their individual happiness and eagerness fed off the other's, building into something that felt unstoppable.

Sirius pulled away just far enough to look at Remus. They were both breathing shallowly and quickly.

“Everything okay?” asked Remus, though Sirius knew that he could feel the answer through their bond.

“Everything's wonderful, Re,” whispered Sirius, bringing their lips together again, briefly. “I'm just struggling not to lose my mind here.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Never. It's – it's sort of scary, really.”

Remus pulled further away and frowned at him. “Oh?”

Sirius found Remus's hands and intertwined their fingers. “We're supposed to stay secret, Moony. I'm so scared right now that I'll touch you or look at you somehow and mess everything up.”

“Can we worry about that later? Please? Right now, we are the only ones out here, and I just don't want to waste it.”

“I know. I'm sorry. You're just so important to me, Remus.”

In an instant, Sirius found himself on his back, with Remus's lips pressed against his. Sirius responded instinctively, arching his back to press more of his body against Remus's. Remus moved his head and started to kiss Sirius's neck, and Sirius let out a moan.

“You like that?” Remus murmured against his neck.

“Yes,” breathed Sirius. Remus's hands trailed across his shoulders, down his arms, and found his wrists, which he grabbed and swiftly pinned above Sirius's head.

They paused like that, faces inches away from each other, breathing heavily. They were standing on a precipice, Sirius knew, and it was so hard to figure out what he wanted to happen next when his desire was mixing with Remus's own.

Remus released him and rolled off to lie on the blanket next to him.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Are you? I didn't hurt you, did I?”

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. “No. Merlin's beard, Remus, that was so fucking hot.”

Remus took a deep, steadying breath. “I get what you mean, though. It is a little scary. I feel like there's some line, and if I cross it, I won't be able to control myself anymore.”

Sirius swallowed, desperately wanting to experience Remus losing control.

“We'll take our time, then, yeah?” said Sirius. “We can always stop, just like this, and wait for our minds to start functioning again.”

Remus laughed. “It's not easy. To stop, I mean. When I can feel how much you want to keep going.”

“Well, we've stopped for now, yeah? And I don't think I want our first kiss to be immediately followed by our first shag, especially not out in the cold like this.”

The look Remus gave him made Sirius shudder. It was the most animalistic expression he'd ever seen on a human face, and it made Remus's feelings on the subject of them shagging right then and there very clear.

“Sorry,” said Remus, breaking eye contact and shaking his head a little. “Sorry. It's going to take some getting used to.”

“Don't apologize. Fuck, Remus, never apologize for looking at me like that.”

“You're not helping, Pads.”

Sirius took a deep breath, trying to remember his desire to slowly explore all of this with Remus, to take their time with each other.

“Ok. Let's just lie here, then, okay? Practice just being around each other again.”

Remus nodded, and they settled back onto the blanket, Remus's head resting on Sirius's chest. Sirius softly stroked the other boy's hair and heard Remus let out a small, contented sigh.

Sirius smiled to himself. Although his body was still screaming desperately for more, this calm, quiet touch still made him feel as happy and comforted as it always had.

***

Remus could feel that Sirius was studying him, instead of doing the OWLs revision they were all supposed to be focused on.

“How'd you end up in Gryffindor, Remus?” Sirius finally asked. James and Peter both looked up, eager for any interruption.

“Same as you lot, I'm sure,” said Remus, turning the page in his Charms textbook. “Bravery, courage, dashing good looks, all that nonsense.”

“That is basically what the Hat said to me, yeah,” said James.

“I just think it's odd, isn't it? That we all met up on the Hogwarts Express, and we all just happened to end up in Gryffindor together?”

“Coincidence,” said James. “We met Snape on the train, too, and he sure didn't end up here.”

“But, Remus, the Hat must have at least considered putting you in Ravenclaw, right?”

Remus sighed and looked up properly.

“It did,” he admitted. “It really liked the idea of me in Ravenclaw. But I asked for Gryffindor.”

Sirius frowned. “Why?”

“Well, I'm always going to like reading and learning no matter what house I'm in, clearly. I just thought that being in Gryffindor might push me to, I don't know, do more brave stuff. And...” Remus averted his eyes and could feel his cheeks heating up while he considered if he wanted to add this next part. His friends picked up on his discomfort immediately.

“You have to tell us now, Moony,” said Peter.

Remus looked up at the ceiling so he could avoid all of their faces while he said it. “Well, we were being Sorted alphabetically, weren't we? So, by the time I went, Sirius had already been Sorted into Gryffindor....”

“Blood hell, Moony,” said James. “You were really planning ahead, eh?”

Remus buried his face in his hands. “I don't know why I tell any of you anything.”

“You didn't even know we were soulmates yet!” said Sirius.

“I know,” Remus said into his hands. “I just liked all of you on the train, and I didn't want to make new friends again.”

“You teased me about staring at you that whole year!”

Remus finally peeked over his fingers to raise an eyebrow at Sirius. “Well, to be fair, the Hat definitely didn't put you into Gryffindor for your subtlety.”

“I asked to be in Gryffindor as well,” said Peter in a rush, as if he had been saving up energy for it. Remus made eye contact with him, grateful for his show of solidarity.

“Were you in love with me, too, then?” asked Sirius.

“Bloody hell, Padfoot. Can't believe I said anything that would help stroke that ego of yours,” grumbled Remus.

“It's like Remus said, though. We all got on so well together on the train, and I was scared that nobody else in our year would talk to me.”

“Where did the Hat want to put you, then?” James asked.

Now it was Peter's turn to blush. “Slytherin,” he murmured.

There was a brief silence while the other three looked around to gauge the others' responses.

“I could see that,” said Remus. “You're cunning and dead perceptive. You've got all their best qualities.”

“Reg says a Slytherin's just a Gryffindor with a self-preservation instinct,” added Sirius. “Don't tell any of the Slytherins he says that, though, or he's a goner.”

“I've actually been thinking that it'd be great to ease up on the House rivalry stuff a bit,” said James. The others turned to him. This, more than any of the other revelations, was the biggest shock of the evening.

“Going soft on the Slytherins, Prongs?” said Sirius, trying to make his tone sound joking.

“I mean, some people are gits, right? Snivellus is obviously a git, no matter what you think about Slytherin. But after everything that happened this summer...” James glanced at Sirius, and Remus knew he was thinking of their exchange with Regulus. “I've just been thinking, you know, what if someone wanted to get out of it? I mean, we're Sorted when we're eleven, right? People change. Most eleven-year-olds are just parroting their parents, and we never give them a chance to do anything else after that. They can't bloody well piss off all of Slytherin if the other three Houses have already written them off, can they?”

“So you think we should just forgive anything they've done as soon as they want out?” said Sirius.

“No. Not exactly. I just think that everyone kind of has the potential for good and for bad in them. It's just down to circumstances, right?”

“No,” said Sirius, firmly.

Remus could understand Sirius's reluctance here. After all, Sirius had been eleven when he'd been Sorted, as well, and he'd been able to go against a generations-old family tradition, and had been loudly disagreeing with everything the Blacks stood for ever since.

“Think about it, Pads,” said Remus softly. “For you and me, yeah, we had it tough. We had to decide early what we wanted to be like, and we had to work hard and in the face of everything to convince everyone else and ourselves that we could be good. We made our choices when we were very young, and we're only lucky we got it right. Some people choose wrong, especially when they're little.”

Sirius closed his eyes for a moment. The others knew he was processing, so they kept the silence.

“Right,” he said at last. “What do we do?”

James grinned.

“A new type of prank,” he said. “One that unites all four Houses.”

***

“It feels different, doesn't it? Being together here instead of in our dorm.”

They were lying on their sides in bed at the Potters', – their bed, Sirius reminded himself – not even touching, just talking.

“Yeah,” said Sirius. “It feels more real. Like we're not doing anything secretive. We're just together, and it doesn't matter.”

“Is this what other soulmates feel like all the time, you think? Without the worry that someone will figure out what's going on?”

“Maybe,” said Sirius.

Remus moved closer, and draped his arm over Sirius's waist. Sirius felt goosebumps rise along his arms.

“This is going to be forever for us, one day, Siri. Lying in bed together, not worrying about whether or not someone will walk in and see us.”

Sirius brought his lips to Remus's. It still felt somewhat unbelievable that he could do that, that he was allowed to kiss Remus.

***

[I apparently wrote a post-prank scene without ever writing The Prank??]

"I can't believe that git," muttered James, staring at Snape's back. "I should have let him die."

"As much as I sympathize with the sentiment, Prongs, I do want to remind you that my life was also in danger," said Remus.

"I'll never forgive him for making me save his life to protect you," growled James, undeterred. Remus rolled his eyes.

James had been focused on the Slytherin table for the past fifteen minutes, trying to bewitch Snape's "make Hogwarts PURE" pin to read "make Hogwarts PURR." It wasn't exactly his cleverest prank, but the pins had been popping up on Slytherins' robes the past couple weeks, and James was sick of seeing them.

"Damnit," he muttered. "I think I stuck him with the pin instead... Oh, fuck."

Snape's head had whipped up and caught James staring straight at him, wand out. He swept over to the Gryffindor table.

"Try that again, Potter, and I'll stick this pin to your forehead with a permanent sticking charm," he snarled.

"Mess with my friends again, Snape, and the next thing I stab you with won't be a pin," retorted James.

"Charming. I hate to break it to you, but not everyone wants to be stabbed by your--"

James shot a pus-squirting hex, but Snape dodged it and was already firing--

"Potter!" James's head whipped around to see Lily storming towards them, and he felt Snape's stinging hex hit the side of his face.

He turned back to retaliate, but Snape had frozen, staring between Lily and James.

"I'll kill you, Potter," he growled, and then swept away.

James looked back at Lily, confused, and saw a bright red splotch appearing on her cheek.

"Merlin," he heard Remus breathe next to him.

"Will someone please explain to me what's going on?" Lily demanded.

James frowned. "It looks like you got hit in the face."

Lily snorted. "Sure it can't look as bad as yours."

James slowly raised his hand to where Snape's hex had hit his cheek. He saw understanding hit Lily's eyes at the same time he realized --

"Evans!" he shouted, but she was already halfway to the doors.

He looked at Remus, who nodded in confirmation.

"Just saw Evans storming out of here," Sirius grinned, as he and Peter joined them at the table. "What'd you do this time, Prongs?"

James couldn't speak. His hand was still on his cheek.

"Lily just found out James is her soulmate," explained Remus, who was staring at James.

"Bloody hell," said Peter.

"Fuck," agreed Sirius. "Looks like she took it well, huh?"

James glared at him, but Sirius was grinning. In fact, all three of them were grinning at him. He let their happiness for him wash over him as he slowly started to let it sink in.

"I knew it!" he whooped. "After years of denying it, Evans can no longer ignore that we are meant to be!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What happened to 'I don't even want a soulmate'?"

"Well, you and Moony make it look so boring," said James.

"Not all of us need a love/hate dynamic to make a relationship interesting, Prongs," replied Remus.

***

"Come here," Mary said, pulling Sirius out of his chair, "dance with me."

Remus smirked at the panicked look Sirius shot him.

"Aren't you going to save him?" James asked as they watched Sirius trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with his hands.

"He can't very well refuse to ever touch a girl if we're supposed to keep this secret," Remus replied.

"It doesn't bother you?" asked Peter.

Remus shrugged. "Not really." And it was true. Sirius was finally putting on a good show of being interested in his dance with Mary, but his eyes kept flickering over to where Remus was sitting.

Peter nudged Remus. "Look at Marlene," he whispered.

Marlene was apparently also wrestling with jealousy, and was glaring openly at where Sirius and Mary danced.

"Do you think she's interested in Sirius, too?" asked James.

"I'm not sure," Remus said, racking his brain. He thought he'd gotten pretty good at noticing the signs of someone being interested in his soulmate, and Marlene had never shown any of them. But the way she was looking at him with Mary....

It clicked.

"Oh," said Remus, and then he was crossing the room to Marlene, ignoring his friends' confused questions.

"Want to dance?" he asked her, watching her closely.

"Oh! Remus! Well, I --"

"Come on," he said, pulling her up. Once she was close enough to whisper he added, "Unless you want everyone else to notice who you've been staring at all night."

She gave him a shocked look, but let him pull her onto the dance floor. Sirius caught his eye and raised an eyebrow, and Remus flashed him an innocent smile.

"Is it so obvious?" she whispered, her hands resting around his neck.

He shook his head. "I don't think so. I had to use some deductive reasoning to figure it out."

She looked at him skeptically.

"There's one couple you've been glaring daggers at," he explained, "and you've never shown any interest in Sirius."

She frowned. "How do you know? Everyone's interested in Sirius, as far as I can tell."

"Let's just say I've taken a special interest in who's been flirting with him."

Marlene gaped at him. "Really?"

"Really."

"Oh." She relaxed into him a little more.

"So," said Remus, "does she know?"

Marlene shook her head. "Does he?"

"Yes," he breathed. It was thrilling, telling someone new. He felt a little guilty for not checking with Sirius first, but once he'd realized Marlene's feelings for Mary, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

"And? Does he feel the same way?"

Remus laughed. "Can you keep a secret, Marlene?"

"I'm keeping a pretty big one about myself, aren't I?"

Remus leaned in to whisper into her ear. "We're soulmates. We've known since third year."

He pulled back and grinned at the look on Marlene's face.

"I didn't know that was possible," she said softly. "I always wondered, but I could never ask anyone if soulmates always had to be different genders."

Remus ran his hand up her back in what he hoped was a comforting way. He tried to imagine what it would have been like developing feelings for Sirius without knowing they'd be reciprocated. It sounded awful.

He glanced up to see Sirius watching them, a hurt expression on his face. Remus's heart panged. He mouthed "I'll explain later," and hoped that his expression showed how much he wished it was Sirius in his arms.

He looked back at Marlene to see her watching them sadly.

"There's a girl out there for you, Marls," he said. "I promise."

Before she could respond, Mary was there, frowning at them.

"All right, Lupin," she said, and Remus was struck by the use of his last name. "I think you've hogged Marlene enough for one evening. C'mon, Marls, let's dance. I need some girl time."

Remus raised an eyebrow at Marlene as he let her go. She shot a bewildered look at him as Mary pulled her deeper into the throng of dancing bodies.

"I wish we could do that," said Sirius from behind him. "Dance together without anyone thinking it's strange."

Remus turned to face him. They were standing very close, using the press of bodies around them as an excuse. It killed Remus to be standing this close to Sirius, both of them in need of comfort from each other, and unable to offer it.

"Let's go somewhere private, then," said Remus, suddenly unwilling to be separated from his soulmate.

"I'm sick of our room, Moony," said Sirius. He had brought his mouth closer to Remus's ear, his breath tickling his neck. "I want to snog you all over the bloody castle."

"I wouldn't stop you, Siri," said Remus, tilting Sirius's chin so they were making eye contact again. "You know I wouldn't."

Remus could see the war happening in Sirius's mind. On the one hand, the idea of being together, unabashedly, was intoxicating. On the other hand, they both knew that Remus would be more at risk than Sirius if the Blacks found out.

"Come on, then," said Sirius, grabbing Remus's elbow and leading him to the portrait hole.

"Where are we going?"

"It's the middle of the night, Re! There's plenty of private places in this castle that we haven't tried yet."

Remus's stomach lurched.

"What was with you and Marls, then?" asked Sirius in a tone that didn't quite manage to be casual.

"Trust me, she's not interested in me."

"How do you know? She seemed pretty happy to be dancing with you."

"She's queer, Padfoot."

Sirius stopped in his tracks. "Are you serious?"

"No, you are," said Remus automatically, mentally noting to add it to the Marauders' Serious Puns Scoreboard when they returned to the dorm.

"How did you find out?"

"She was staring at you dancing with Mary. And, well, I knew she wasn't into you, so I took a guess."

"And... Did you tell her about us?"

"I did," Remus said quietly. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have without asking you, but she looked so sad and alone, and then she said she didn't even know that two people of the same gender could be soulmates, and I couldn't stop thinking of how I would feel if I was falling in love with you without knowing we'd end up together."

The look on Sirius's face scared him. It wasn't really anger, it looked more like --

"Did you just say you're falling in love with me?"

Ah. Shock. Yes, that was the expression Sirius was making.

"I guess I did," Remus said slowly. "Is that okay?"

Remus barely had time to notice that Sirius had taken a step closer before their lips met. Remus responded automatically, wrapping his fingers in the other boy's hair to pull him closer.

"Fuck, Sirius," he gasped, pulling away. "What happened to finding somewhere private?"

Sirius grinned mischievously and grabbed Remus by the arm, pulling him down the hallway.

He followed Sirius to their favorite secret passage, the one leading straight to Honeydukes' cellar. For some reason, sneaking into the passage with Sirius at night gave him a thrill that he'd never felt when they'd been sneaking out to Hogsmeade.

As soon as they were inside, Sirius was pressing him against the wall, their mouths devouring each other.

"I love you, Remus," Sirius was whispering between kisses. "So, so much."

Remus couldn't stop the growl that escaped him as he used Sirius's hair to tilt his head back, exposing his throat.

He kissed and nipped his way down the expanse of skin, enjoying the moan this elicited from Sirius. His hands found his way under Sirius's shirt, and he paused, making eye contact to make sure this was okay.

Because they really had been taking things slowly, and Remus suddenly couldn't stand the idea of how much of Sirius's body remained unexplored by him.

Sirius, never one to be outdone, moved his fingers to the buttons on Remus's shirt.

"No," said Remus, grabbing Sirius's wrists. "You first."

He released him, and watched hungrily as Sirius unbuttoned and removed his shirt.

Remus moved forward to press Sirius's shoulders against the opposite wall, holding him there as he trailed his other hand over Sirius's torso, staring at the lovely sight of his hand on Sirius's skin.

Sirius's breath was getting ragged, and Remus dragged his eyes back up to his soulmate's. He could feel Sirius's desire coursing through their bond, fueling his own. He pressed their lips together again, hands resting on Sirius's waist, chests pushed up against each other. Sirius's hands threaded through his hair. Remus moaned into Sirius's mouth, longing to be somehow even closer.

Sirius's fingers had returned to Remus's own buttons, and Remus eagerly helped him remove his shirt. They clung to each other, reveling in the feel of flesh against flesh. Remus adjusted his stance, moving one of his legs so that it was positioned between Sirius's.

Sirius gasped as Remus carefully leaned into his leg, applying pressure to the erection he felt there.

"Is this ok?" Remus whispered.

"Merlin, Moons, it's amazing."

Remus swallowed, and returned his focus to Sirius's chest, kissing every bit he could reach while his leg slowly ground against Sirius's cock. Once he'd determined he'd moved low enough that no marks would be seen, he bit into the soft skin near the bottom of Sirius's rib cage, sucking slightly and running his tongue over the skin between his teeth.

"Fuck," breathed Sirius.

Being with Sirius like this was almost like being the wolf. He felt powerful and in control, he felt strong but dangerous, he felt like he could do anything he wanted. He felt possessive, and he felt like a beast on the hunt, but for the first time, those feelings felt like they belonged in his human body.

Remus moved onto his knees so he could better reach more of Sirius. He ran his nails lightly down either side of Sirius's waist, and was rewarded with a shudder. Curiously, he repeated the motion harder, and Sirius moaned. He dug his nails in and pulled them down a third time, and Sirius arched his back off the wall.

“Bloody hell, Re,” Sirius murmured. “Where'd a nice boy like you learn to do that?”

“I'm a werewolf, Pads,” said Remus, lips against the hipbone that he was now exploring. “Biting and scratching come naturally to me.”

Remus dipped a finger under the waistband of Sirius's trousers, tugging them to expose another inch of skin. He moved his palm over the bulge of Sirius's cock, enjoying the way Sirius pushed against his hand.

“Damn, you feel so good,” said Remus, moving his hand to trace the length of Sirius's erection.

“Remus,” panted Sirius. “Do you want to talk about this at all before I completely lose my ability to form coherent sentences?”

Remus considered what he wanted. He'd been thinking of sucking Sirius off, and his body was responding very positively to that image. He tried to remember all the reasons he'd wanted to go slowly, but none of them seemed nearly as important as making Sirius come.

“What do you want me to do to you, Padfoot?” he asked, gliding his thumb along Sirius's crotch.

“Fuck, Moony, whatever you want to. Absolutely anything.”

That was all Remus needed. His hands were immediately at Sirius's fly, unbuttoning his trousers and pulling them and his pants down in one motion.

“My god. You're fucking gorgeous, Sirius,” murmured Remus, taking in the sight of him. “I almost feel guilty that I'm the only one who gets to see you like this.”

“You're the only one who makes me feel like this.”

Remus lightly ran his tongue from the base of Sirius's cock to the tip, flicking it over the head in one fluid motion. Sirius let out the most delightful moan, so he did it again. He flattened his tongue against Sirius's shaft, making as much contact as he could as he slowly dragged it up the length.

“Fuck, I'm going to go mad,” said Sirius.

Remus responded by taking Sirius's cock into his mouth.

“Remus! Remus. Fuck.”

Remus moved slowly, adding a hand to work in tandem with his mouth. Sirius started to move his hips, but Remus pressed him back against the wall.

“Stay still,” he growled. “I want to be completely in charge of making you feel good.”

“Holy hell. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.”

Remus moaned around Sirius's cock, loving the idea that he was doing this.

“Remus. Fuck. I am not going to last very long.”

Remus pulled his mouth off of Sirius long enough to say, “As long as you say my name when you come.”

Sirius's groan in response was a better reaction than he could have imagined, and Remus returned to the task at hand with vigor.

Sure enough, moments later, Sirius was clenching Remus's hair and moaning his name as he emptied himself into Remus's mouth.

Remus stood up and leaned his forehead against Sirius's as they both caught their breath. After a moment, Sirius spoke.

“Is giving amazing head also something that comes natural to you as a werewolf?”

Remus laughed and kissed him.

“Now tell me how you want me to get you off,” murmured Sirius, moving his lips to Remus's ear.

Remus took Sirius's hand and slowly moved it towards his crotch.

“Think you can take me in your mouth?” he whispered, rubbing himself against Sirius's hand. “Think you can swallow my cum?”

Sirius let out a noise somewhere between a moan and a whine and immediately started working on getting Remus's trousers off.

“Holy fuck, Remus,” said Sirius. His gaze made Remus feel more naked than he'd ever felt before. “I'm going to worship your cock for the rest of my life.”

And before Remus could respond Sirius had taken him completely into his mouth, going deeper than Remus had anticipated.

“Fuck,” Remus breathed. “I love the sight of you on your knees with your mouth around my cock.”

Sirius moaned around him, and Remus felt the vibrations travel up his spine.

“I've imagined this so many times, you know. I've gotten off to fantasies about you sucking my cock, Sirius, but I never imagined how much you'd love this.” Remus was rewarded with another moan, and tried to think of more dirty things to say to Sirius, suddenly wishing he'd had some practice with this. It was becoming more difficult to think clearly. “Look at you, you're absolutely hungry for it. You're going to make me come, you know that? I'm going to come right into your mouth and watch you swallow every last drop. Oh, fuck, Sirius, exactly like that--”

He moaned, feeling the waves of pleasure break around him as he climaxed. He shuddered, not used to how it felt so much bloody better than wanking. He sunk down to join Sirius on the floor.

“Padfoot, are you hard again? You just came.”

“Yeah, and then I watched you come, which was probably the hottest thing I've ever seen,” Sirius replied.

“Shit. We're going to have to find a lot more time to spend alone together, aren't we?”

“Speak for yourself, Moons,” said Sirius, smirking. “I think we've learned tonight that you have a much dirtier mind than me. Nobody would ever believe me if I told them half the filthy things I just heard you say.”

“I would have stopped if you hadn't kept making such fantastic noises in response.”

Sirius groaned. “We should probably head back. If we keep talking about this, I'm going to be begging you to fuck me, and people will start to notice we've been gone so long.”

“Merlin, I do like the idea of hearing you beg...”

“This is completely unfair, Moony.” Sirius was standing up and putting on his clothes. “I am not supposed to be the responsible one here. If you have less self-control than me, we're going to be caught in a matter of days.”

Remus sighed and started pulling up his pants. “Luckily, we have the rest of our lives to do this.”

They paused for a moment to smile at each other. Remus felt something warm and soft bubbling inside of him, so different from the lust and desperation he'd been feeling moments before.

“Come on,” said Sirius, opening up the passage door.

“Siri?”

“Hm?”

“I love you, too.”

***

“And where have you two been?” teased James, once they'd rejoined him on the couch in the common room.

“Blowing each other,” smirked Sirius, laughing as James choked on his drink.

“Come on, Padfoot, I don't need to know that!”

“You asked.”

“Where's Pete gotten to?” asked Remus, scanning the room.

“He's up in our room. With Dorcas!”

“Is he really? Good for him,” said Sirius approvingly.

“What about you, Prongs? Not getting any action from your soulmate?”

“She hasn't even come down from her room all night,” whined James.

“Smart lass,” said Sirius.

“Ignore him. She probably just doesn't think she'd be able to resist you, once alcohol has been added into the mix and all.”

“It's not fair. She knows we're soulmates, and I still can't get her to go on a date with me!”

“Well, she probably doesn't want to feel like she has to date you because it's fate or whatever, right? She'd probably rather come to you on her own time, once she's realized you're not such a git after all,” reasoned Remus. Sirius beamed at him, suddenly grateful that they'd found each other when they were so young that romance wasn't even an option.

James groaned, letting his head fall back onto the couch. “I don't want her to feel like she has to date me, either. Did it feel like that for you two?”

“No,” they replied in unison.

***

Peter wasn't sure he would have believed the night before was real if he hadn't woken up with Dorcas in his bed.

“Hey,” she whispered when she saw he was awake.

“Hey.” He felt much more shy with her now that they were both sober.

“That was fun.”

He grinned. They'd only made out, really, but it had been fun.

“I'm glad to hear it. No regrets, then?”

“Just one. I do regret not going back to my own bed. I swear your mattresses are lumpier than the ones in the girls' dorm.”

He laughed, and it felt so nice, to be lying in his bed and joking around with Dorcas.

“I'm starving,” she said. “Let's go down to breakfast.”

They got out of bed and started quietly getting ready, trying not to wake the other boys.

James was sprawled out on his bed, curtains still open, and still fully dressed from last night. He muttered something incoherent.

“All right, Prongs?” said Peter.

“Mnnph,” James responded.

“Morning, Wormtail. Oh – morning, Dorcas.”

Peter turned around to see Sirius climbing out of his bed. He seemed to have frozen when he caught sight of Dorcas, and, as Remus climbed out of the other side of Sirius's bed, Peter understood why.

“Oh. Hullo, Dorcas,” said Remus. “I didn't realize you'd spent the night.”

Peter desperately wished he could think of the right thing to say in this moment.

“You two sleep in the same bed?” asked Dorcas.

“Er, sometimes,” said Sirius.

Showing an uncanny ability to detect when his friends needed him, James seemed to have fully woken up, and jumped in.

“We've all fallen asleep in each other's beds at some point or another. Third year I tried to convince McGonagall to transfigure our beds into one giant one, but she refused. Not sure why.”

“Sharing your bed was much easier before you started moaning about Evans in your sleep,” quipped Peter, feeling more comfortable now they were back on safer ground.

It wasn't completely a lie. Sirius had a knack for falling asleep anywhere, and had ended up in all of their beds after late nights of scheming. And Peter had fallen asleep on James's bed a time or two.

“You four really are peculiar, you know that? I guess this sheds some interesting light on some of the rumors flying around.”

“What rumors?” asked Sirius.

“Oh, you know. The whole year's been speculating about which of you are shagging each other.”

All four of them were staring at Dorcas now.

“They have?” asked Remus, his voice unusually high-pitched.

“Oh, sure. Most of the money's on Sirius and James, of course, but I've heard guesses about every combination you could think of.”

“James would be so lucky,” muttered Sirius.

“Ah, well. I guess it's only a matter of time until they realize it's a non-stop orgy up here,” sighed James.

“Very funny,” said Dorcas.

“Er, Dorcas,” said Sirius. “I know they're just rumors, but any chance you could not add to them? It's just, if my family hears even a rumor of...of something like that, then it could mean trouble for the rest of the lads.”

“Don't worry,” said Dorcas. “No one really thinks you're a pouf. Not with your reputation.”

Peter felt like he was getting more lost by the second.

“My reputation?” repeated Sirius.

“Well, sure. More girls than I can count have told me they've at least snogged you.”

Peter turned to stare at Sirius, wondering if any of this could be true. He'd been under the impression that Sirius and Remus had only been with each other, but he could be mistaken.

“At least?” said Sirius, faintly. He looked a little pale. Remus moved around the bed to put his hand on his shoulder.

“He's very modest,” said Remus. “Come on, breakfast time, right?” Remus looked meaningfully at Peter.

“Right,” he said. “Come on, Dorcas, let's get down there before they run out of sausage.”

–

“Moony, I --” began Sirius as soon as the door closed behind Peter and Dorcas.

“I know, Pads. I told you I'd be able to tell if you'd been with anyone else, remember?”

“Is that a soulmate thing?” asked James, coming to sit on the bed that Remus and Sirius had collapsed back onto. “Can you teach me?”

“It's a werewolf thing, Prongs,” Remus said, rolling his eyes.

“Oh.”

“Do you think she was being serious?”

“No, you're Sirius,” James and Remus said at the same time.

“I said it first,” James insisted.

“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” said Remus.

“Guys,” said Sirius. “Come on. I'm freaking out a bit.”

“Why?” asked James. “Seems like a perfect cover, and you don't even have to do anything.”

“But what if other girls expect me to – oh. OH. Mary.”

“What about her?”

“She thinks I'm easy,” said Sirius faintly.

“Not necessarily,” said Remus. “Maybe she just thinks you're cute.”

“Why would people even make up shit like this? What's the point?”

Remus and James exchanged a look.

“Padfoot, mate,” said James, somewhat awkwardly. “Maybe you'll actually believe this if someone besides your soulmate tells you. You are objectively good-looking. Girls can't stop staring at you. They probably all want their friends to think that you fancy them.”

“That's crazy,” said Sirius. He turned to look at Remus. “I hate this.”

“I know.”

“It's so unfair to you. We only have to stay hidden because of my family, and now you have to listen to other people claiming all sorts of nonsense, and you can't even say anything!”

“I know, Siri.”

“Maybe you can try to convince them that you're taken? Make up a mysterious older girlfriend who already graduated or something,” suggested James.

“I'd rather not add more lies to all this. It's already killing me to pretend like...” He looked at Remus again. Remus knew exactly what he meant; it was killing him, too.

And Remus also knew that if either of them lost the willpower to keep their relationship a secret, the other would immediately agree to stop hiding it. It was a dangerous game. Even though Remus was the one whose safety was more at risk, he had a hard time convincing himself pretending not to be in love with Sirius was worth it.

***

“Hi, Lily. Is it okay if I sit?”

Lily looked up at Remus. Their friendship had never really been the same after he'd made it clear he wasn't interested in her last year, but she appreciated that he was trying.

“Of course.”

She watched as he took a seat. Being near him brought her anger of being James Potter's soulmate roiling back up to the surface. Remus was the obvious choice for a match for her. Their interests and personalities aligned so well. What was she supposed to talk to James Potter about for the rest of her life? His greatest Quidditch moments?

“I can't imagine how you must be feeling about all this,” said Remus, as if he was reading her mind. Her eyes narrowed.

“This isn't going to be a conversation where you try to convince me how great Potter is, is it?”

“No.”

“Good.”

“I just thought you might need someone to talk to about the whole soulmate thing.”

“What would you know about it?” Lily asked bitterly. The only other people she knew who were soulmates were Alice and Frank in the year above her, and they'd been in love for years before they'd realized what they were. That's what she'd always pictured finding her soulmate would be like; further confirmation of someone she was already head-over-heels for.

“I read a lot.” Remus shrugged.

“Oh? And do the books all say that I should get over myself and just go along with it, because the bond knows what I want better than I do?” That was exactly what all the books Lily had found said. So far, she'd been unsuccessful in finding a single one that knew anything about breaking the bond.

“Some of them. But some also say that the bond doesn't have to change anything.”

“Of course it changes things. Now I can't say a single thing about Potter without people grinning and nudging me and telling me that I'm just trying to deny my true feelings.”

Remus laughed. “I can't imagine that you'll ever stop thinking that James is a big-headed git, no matter what else might change between you two. Anyone who says otherwise clearly doesn't know him.”

Lily smiled slightly at that.

“But honestly, Lils, you don't have to try to feel differently about him, or defend it to anyone. Sure, the bond might be telling you something about the future, but it's not telling you anything about the present.”

Lily sighed. “I just feel like I don't have any choice anymore.”

“Of course you do,” Remus said earnestly. “Don't ever, ever date James unless you absolutely want to, even if that means he stays single and pining until he's an old man.”

She smiled again. “But I can't very well date anyone else, can I? Everyone who knows will think any other relationships are a sham, and nobody who knows I already know my soulmate will want to date me.”

“I hate that. The idea that any relationship that doesn't last forever is therefore unimportant is so completely ridiculous.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. As far as she knew, Remus had never been in any sort of relationship of any length.

“My mother was with someone before my dad, did you know?” he said quietly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I found an old photo album last summer. I knew my parents hadn't met until they were older, but I'd never thought about the other partners they'd left behind. She was married and everything. And now she doesn't talk about him, because he's not supposed to matter. He's not supposed to mean anything now that she's with her soulmate. And I just can't stop thinking that he's a real person out there with real feelings who loved her, and his love is seen as less important because it didn't last forever.”

Lily placed her hand on his.

“But listen. You won't be the only person out there who has found their soulmate and isn't with them yet. If you want to date other people, it is possible.”

Lily looked down at her hands. She hadn't admitted this to anyone herself, but she felt it was important to say out loud:

“I don't think I want to.”

She looked up to see Remus nodding at her contemplatively. He didn't tell her that this was further evidence that she and James were meant to be. Instead, he turned his hand palm-up and squeezed hers.

She had been so angry ever since she found out. But now, sitting here with Remus, she let herself feel sad. She let all her thoughts of the life of romance she thought she'd have wash over her, and she let herself mourn for those dreams. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“Everyone talks about finding their soulmate like it's this beautiful thing,” she sobbed. “Why do I feel like this?”

Remus squeezed her hand again.

“Love is more complicated than people let on,” he told her. “The beautiful parts aren't the whole picture.”

She met his eyes, knowing that a year ago, Mary and Marlene would have analyzed those words and told her Remus was talking about loving her, and that she still had a chance with him. But now, instead of feeling a thrill at the possibility, she felt a dull numbness settle over her. She withdrew her hand from his.

“I think I want to be alone,” she said. He nodded and quietly stood up to leave.

Lily watched him exit the library and then buried her head in her arms, trying to dive into that numbness.

***

"She'd leave you alone if you just snogged her, you know."

Sirius frowned. He had liked Dorcas much more before she started hanging out with the Marauders. She was on the outside of all of their secrets, and yet here she was, acting as if she understood what was going on.

"I'm not really interested."

Dorcas looked at him skeptically. "Really? She's a lot prettier than a lot of the other girls you've --"

"Can we please change the subject?" moaned Remus. Dorcas turned to glare at him.

"Oh, of course, you know all about playing hard to get and leading people on, Lupin. Should we talk about that instead?"

Sirius's momentary relief at being saved from the conversation quickly turned to panic. He glanced at James.

"What are you talking about, Dorcas?" James asked, frowning.

"Is that what you think I'm doing? Playing hard to get?" asked Sirius, unable to think of any other way to interrupt the conversation. Remus shot him a look of gratitude.

"That's what everyone thinks you're doing. Mary has been after you for what, over a year now? If you really weren't enjoying the flirting and attention, we figure you'd have asked her out and moved on by now."

Sirius was dumbstruck. "Wait. So. If I really didn't like her, I would show that by...asking her out? But because I haven't, that means I do like her?" He glanced at his friends, and was relieved to see they all looked as confused as he felt. Girls.

"Pete snogged you," James jumped in, making Peter blush. "Does that mean he doesn't like you?"

"No. That's different."

"Why?" Sirius was genuinely curious.

"Peter's only ever snogged people he likes," she said, shooting a smile his way. "Sirius, on the other hand..."

So they were back to this. Sirius's alleged "reputation" that seemed to be coloring everything he did. He looked at his friends again. Peter seemed just as lost as he felt. Remus seemed to say, It's up to you. James's grin clearly indicated how much he wanted Sirius to take Dorcas down a peg.

"Dorcas, I've never kissed a girl in my life," Sirius said. The other three Marauders grinned, watching for Dorcas's reaction.

She frowned. "Very funny, Black."

"I'm serious."

"We know," James, Remus, and Peter all said. They proceeded to silently argue who should get the point for making the pun first while Dorcas continued to study Sirius.

"So, what, you're saying that every girl who claims to have snogged the infamous Sirius Black is lying?"

"Yes."

"He's telling the truth," said James, having finally conceded that Peter should get the point. "Sirius spends every single night in our dorm. I'm not sure he's ever even been alone with a girl."

It was strange, Sirius realized. He was pretty sure he was supposed to be embarrassed by his lack of experience with girls, but he felt a sense of pride for his record. He looked at Remus, who was grinning at him from behind Dorcas.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Maybe it's Regulus that's been getting all the action," James suggested. "They do look remarkably similar."

"So...you've never kissed a girl. And you don't want to kiss Mary. And..." Her eyes darted to Remus, and Sirius could hear the sentence that she didn't finish: And I know Remus spent the night in your bed.

James, who lived up to his title as Sirius's best friend every goddamn day, jumped in. "Believe it or not, Peter's actually the only one of us who has any experience with the ladies." Sirius knew that it cost James more to admit this than it had cost Sirius, and he felt a rush of gratitude.

"We're all holding out for our soulmates," Remus said.

"What if you don't meet until you're old?"

Sirius flinched. It was reminiscent of conversations he'd had with Peter. "My parents aren't soulmates, you know. They still might find theirs, someday, but they love each other. I don't want to spend my whole life waiting for something I might never find." Sirius didn't have many memories from before he knew he had a soulmate, and he didn't like to think about not having one.

Remus shrugged. "So what? I bet kissing your soulmate makes up for missing out on a lifetime of kissing other people." Sirius felt a chill run up his spine, and Remus grinned at him.

"I don't know about that," Peter said quickly, and Sirius remembered that he and Dorcas were not, after all, soulmates, as far as they knew.

"You'll have to kiss as many people as possible and report back to us, Pete," said James, clapping him on the back.

To Sirius' surprise, Dorcas was grinning.

"I know exactly what the next Gryffindor party needs."

--

"Spin the bottle!" Dorcas declared at the next party, once it was late enough that most of the younger students had gone to bed. An eager mumble rolled through the crowd.

"Spin the bottle? What a cliche," muttered Remus.

"At least it's not Truth or Dare," replied Sirius.

"Or Never-Have-I-Ever."

"Or 7 Minutes in Heaven."

"Teenagers really are predictable, aren't we?"

People were gathering around Dorcas, who was holding an empty Butterbeer bottle.

"Think we can both sit it out?" asked Sirius.

Remus sighed. "I don't know. I already expect Dorcas to figure it out any day now."

"You play, then," Sirius said. Remus looked at him in surprise. "I really don't mind if you kiss someone else, Moony. Not when I know it doesn't mean anything."

"I don't want to kiss anyone else."

"I know. That's why it doesn't bother me."

Remus swallowed. He didn't like the idea of Sirius kissing anyone else, but he did sort of like the idea of knowing that it didn't matter who either one of them kissed, because it really wouldn't make a difference.

"We'll both play, then."

Sirius looked at him closely. "Are you sure?"

Remus shrugged. "I'd rather we do this together."

So they walked over to the circle that was forming around Dorcas. James shot them a surprised look, but Sirius just grinned at him. Remus hadn't expected James to play, but then he saw that Lily had joined the group. While most of the students were giggling and casting nervous glances at each other, Lily was staring out defiantly. Remus suspected she was trying to prove that she was not interested in James.

And Peter and Dorcas were both playing. Remus wasn't ever really sure exactly what their relationship status was, but they both seemed happy enough to join in on the fun.

"All right," said Dorcas once everyone had settled into a circle. "No passing, and no using magic on the bottle, okay? It can be brief, but you have to kiss on the lips. We're going to go around the circle, so everyone will be kissed at least once. Any questions?"

Remus was mildly surprised at how thoroughly Dorcas had thought through these rules. Had she played before? Was this a normal occurrence at Hogwarts that he'd managed to avoid?

There were about twenty people playing, so Remus thought the odds were good that he and Sirius would only have to kiss someone on their turn. Dorcas handed the bottle to a sixth year boy who Remus thought was called Lance, who spun it eagerly.

It came to a stop pointing at James. The room howled with laughter. Lance reached out to spin again, but Dorcas stopped him.

"No passing, Lance!"

Lance's face was aghast. "I can't kiss another boy!"

Dorcas shrugged. "Then you shouldn't have agreed to play. The bottle has spoken, gentlemen."

Several people whooped. Remus shifted uncomfortably. James sat calmly and silently, as if he was just politely waiting for the kiss so the game could move on.

With one final glare at Dorcas, Lance stopped across the circle to where James was sitting. James calmly stood up, brushing dirt off his robes.

Remus couldn't really believe how well James was taking this. He was about to have his first kiss, with another boy, in front of Lily. Remus would've thought that'd be too much for him.

Lance leaned forward and pecked James on the lips, then quickly pulled back, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. Several people cheered.

James looked at Lance and shrugged, as if to say he was unimpressed. Laughter broke out throughout the group.

Remus had to admit, it was impressive how James could continue to seem like the coolest person in the room while doing something he knew most people would be humiliated by.

The next several rounds proceeded without incident, until Lily's turn. Remus could practically feel James holding his breath as the bottle spun, until it stopped, pointing straight at Remus.

Remus looked at James, panicked. James smiled reassuringly, and Remus reflected on how much he'd matured since he'd accused Remus in third year of sneaking off to the library to be alone with Lily.

But, as Remus had noticed earlier, Lily had something to prove.

And so, instead of the quick peck that he'd expected, he found her hand on his neck, her mouth sucking on his bottom lip.

His panic returned, and his whole body froze. He remembered Sirius's speculation that Lily liked him, but more clearly than that, he remembered Lily's rage at discovering James was her soulmate.

His first thought was to push her away, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Once some of the shock wore off, though, he decided that she clearly didn't care about how he felt about the whole thing. So he firmly put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away. As soon as they broke contact, he could suddenly hear the noise of the crowd around them. He saw Lily smirking, but his eyes immediately sought Sirius's.

His soulmate was laughing. Sirius gestured with his chin towards James, who had turned bright red. Remus tried to catch his eye, but James was staring straight at Lily.

Well. At least James knew exactly who was responsible for what had just occurred.

Remus quickly sat back down next to Sirius, who grinned at him. Remus did not return it. He felt gross in a way he couldn't quite describe.

Sirius must've noticed his mood, because he leaned slightly against Remus, sharing as much physical contact as they could. Remus was grateful for it, but it also enraged him that Lily could kiss him like that in front of everyone, but Sirius couldn't even hold his hand.

Lost in thought, Remus didn't notice that Sirius's turn had arrived until he leaned forward to spin the bottle. They both watched it intently. Remus wasn't sure what the best outcome was, but as the bottle stopped to point at Mary, he was pretty certain that was one of the worst options.

A couple people wolf-whistled. Remus looked for Marlene, who had decided not to play, but was watching from just beyond the circle with a smile frozen onto her face.

At least I know he doesn't want to kiss her, Remus thought. His heart went out to Marlene, who was going to have to watch the girl she liked kiss a guy she'd been pursuing for a year.

Sirius stood up. Remus could see that his hands were shaking, but he managed to pull off a casual smile that reminded the entire room why girls had been so eager to kiss him in the first place. Mary stood to meet him.

Sirius had apparently learned from watching Lily with Remus, because he put his hands on Mary's arms to subtly keep them by her sides while he leaned forward. The kiss was a little more than a peck, short and sweet without being awkward. Then Sirius pulled away, shot a grin at Mary, and returned to his seat.

It was, overall, well done, thought Remus. Sirius had managed to keep the interaction brief without seeming like he didn't want to kiss her.

Remus leaned forward to take his own turn spinning the bottle, hoping he'd be able to maintain his cool as much as Sirius had.

But the bottle pointed right at the one person Remus hadn't prepared for.

Sirius.

They looked at each other.

This was where the real danger lay, Remus realized. Not in kissing other people, but in the possibility of revealing themselves by the way they kissed each other.

Remus licked his lips nervously. Sirius waggled his eyebrows, making the rest of the group laugh. Remus hadn't yet figured out what they should do when Sirius leaned forward and kissed him soundly, thoroughly, as though they were the only two people in the room. Sirius was grinning triumphantly when he pulled away, but Remus could feel his own face flushing.

“That's how you kiss a boy, Prongs!” Sirius called over to James.

“All right, you win, mate. You were right, you can pull cuter boys than me,” responded James easily.

The rest of the Gryffindors, who had been quiet and unsure when Remus and Sirius first pulled apart, laughed now, relieved that this was just another bit of silliness the Marauders were performing, and not something real. Remus remembered what Dorcas had told them about the speculation surrounding the Marauders' relationships, and he felt irritated that his sexuality was acceptable only as long as it was a source of amusement for others.

“Lupin is bright red!” Mary squealed, drawing everyone's attention directly to his face.

“Oh, well, that's to be expected,” Sirius said, teasingly. “If the only other person he's kissed is Evans, I'm sure kissing me blew his mind.” He followed this with another eyebrow waggle. Everyone laughed as the game resumed.

“Hope I get a chance to have my mind blown,” Remus heard a girl a few feet away whisper.

He turned to meet Sirius's eyes for the first time since the kiss, and he saw that his soulmate was worried for him, wanted to make sure that he was okay, that Sirius hadn't gone too far. Remus smiled at him, and thought to himself how physical contact with Sirius was really the only thing guaranteed to make him feel good no matter what.