If...

"Daddy!"

Lily felt her blood freeze in her veins as she heard her son's happy little voice utter the two syllables. For a moment it seemed as if her heart had stopped, then it shattered into pieces. With a tight throat, she handed Harry to Severus and muttered a few words to indicate that she needed to go to her room. She disappeared and locked herself in.

Sitting on her bed, Lily held the photograph of her wedding, one of the happiest days of her life. A blessed day when, for a few hours, the horrors of war had no place. She and James were radiant, smiling for the camera. The young woman fought back tears of pain. It felt like there was a heated metal bar in her throat. Why had Harry said daddy when the word had never crossed his lips when James was alive? Why did he have to call Severus that? Lily found it hard to process her emotions. She remembered the last family breakfast in her kitchen at Godric's Hollow. It had been an ordinary morning, but it had been the last time James had woken up and fed Harry.

*

"Come on, Harry! Say daddy! Say... daddy."

Harry was sitting in his high chair, watching James with amused eyes. James was holding a spoonful of porridge between his fingers.

"Please... just say daddy," James urged again.

Lily, leaning against the porcelain sink and sipping a cup of tea, had a teasing smile on her lips. Her little boy clearly had no desire to comply with James' request.

"I don't know what else to do," James lamented, bringing the spoon to his son's mouth.

"Don't worry, he's only fifteen months old," Lily replied.

"Fifteen months... already," James realised. "That's right, it's the 31st of October..."

His mood seemed to darken for a moment. They had been holed up in this house for months and hadn't really had a chance to entertain. Then his mouth curved into a smile and his brown eyes sparkled.

"AND IT'S HALLOWEEN!" the young man exclaimed happily.

Harry burst out laughing and clapped his tiny hands.

"I promise! There'll be pumpkin juice and sweets! We'll have a little party, just the three of us! Your second Halloween, Harry! You can even play with your broomstick!"

"Hasn't he been doing that every day since Sirius gave it to him?" Lily teased.

"Come on... Say daddy for me." James tried one last time, smiling at his son.

*

Life could be cruel, miserable and unfair. James had done everything he could to hear his son call him daddy. He had held out for weeks, right up to the day he died. And finally, fourteen days after James' disappearance, the long-awaited word had slipped out of his little boy's mouth. And the one who had received it was the man James had always despised during their years at Hogwarts: Severus.

After the bout of tears, Lily was seized by a fit of laughter, almost maniacal. This situation was absurd, diabolical. Could James see them? If so, was he angry?

Should she blame Severus? The poor man wasn't to blame. She had seen the astonishment and horror on his features. Sure, Severus was taking excellent care of Harry, and it seemed to Lily that the young man was growing increasingly fond of the infant. But he had never asked to be called daddy, let alone play that role. Harry was James' son, and Lily knew only too well the hatred Severus had for her late husband. At least he didn't blame Harry for the years of animosity between the two men. She would be lying if she said she didn't feel that fear.

Lily placed the photo on her bedside table and, after wiping away her tears, returned to the sitting room. Severus was reading a book in his chair while Harry played quietly on the carpet. Not wanting to disturb the quiet atmosphere or engage in conversation with Severus - as if nothing had happened - Lily retreated to the kitchen with the items she had dug up from the cellar. There was a small aluminium milk jug that Lily wanted to turn into a vase. She had also brought up an old candlestick - probably silver - badly polished and tarnished by damp and time. She thought it would look very nice on the mantelpiece once cleaned. Lily had also found a globe, probably from the turn of the century or the last.

She dusted and cleaned all the items without using magic as she didn't want to return to the living room. There was now a palpable awkwardness between her and Severus. Lily sat at the kitchen table for an hour, polishing the objects until they shone.

It was only when Severus' head appeared in the doorway that Lily realised she could not ignore her lodger indefinitely. His dark eyes barely dared to meet hers, which were focused on the old candlestick, as if that would allow her to postpone the moment just a little longer.

"Lily," he managed to say after a few seconds. "Is... is everything all right?"

The young woman looked up at him. Severus looked hesitant and uncomfortable.

"I was just cleaning these things," she replied.

"I see," he said incredulously.

There was no doubt that these items were clean and no longer needed to be polished with a cloth.

"Do you need anything?" Lily asked coldly.

"Not really. I just thought it was time for your son's snack..."

He had emphasised your son.

"That's right."

Lily stood up and prepared the boy's snack. Severus had left the kitchen for a moment and returned shortly afterwards with Harry in his arms. The toddler was incredibly calm, as if he could sense the tension between the two wizards. Had he understood that it was partly his fault? No, Lily must not blame Harry. It was neither his fault, nor hers, nor Severus'. She should be pleased instead. Harry had said his first word; it was an important milestone in his development. A milestone that James had sadly missed and that should have been his.

Severus placed Harry in his high chair and allowed Lily to feed the child. He moved a little away from them, but Lily could feel his gaze boring into her and her son. The silence that followed was heavy, charged with tension that none of the three - not even Harry, usually so cheerful - seemed willing to break. The air needed to be cleared.

"It's all right," Lily said.

"Wh... what?" Severus stammered.

"What happened earlier," the young woman clarified. "It's alright."

"I never meant for this to happen!" he replied, somewhat abruptly. "I never meant for the little one to call me that..."

Lily looked up at Severus and saw that he looked genuinely unhappy. She offered him a sad smile, one that was also sympathetic.

"It's just a word... At his age, he doesn't know what words mean. He'll learn."

Severus seemed to relax a little, but his features remained troubled for several long minutes.

"You're probably right," he said, before returning to the sitting room without adding anything.

The air had not been completely cleared; Lily quickly realised that. Severus kept his distance from Harry for the rest of the afternoon, until the baby went to bed. He didn't even look at him or speak to him. He seemed to want to distance himself from the boy. Lily couldn't blame him.

One day she and Harry would leave Spinner's End for good and start a new life, a new chapter in their story without Severus. Of course, Lily didn't want to lose her friend again. She wanted him in her life, but perhaps not on a day-to-day basis. He had a life to lead and it was very different from Lily's. Severus was now a professor at Hogwarts, but he was also Dumbledore's secret spy.

They would continue to see each other from time to time, to write letters. Nothing more or less than friends. Perhaps it wasn't so bad that Severus had distanced himself from Harry.