If...

When Lily opened her eyes, she realized that she had once again fallen asleep on Severus' couch. Her friend hadn't awakened her. He covered her with a blanket while she slept. The babbling of a baby, her son, had pulled her out of her slumber. On the ground, Harry was just playing with his wooden cubes. He no longer wore his pajamas, but a small set generously donated by Mrs. Weasley. How long had she slept? Her eyes ran through the room, and she saw Severus, looking serious, comfortably seated in his armchair, a book in his hands. He was absorbed in his reading.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked without taking his eyes off his book.

"Pretty well" Lily replied. "I wasn't going to sleep on your couch..."

A few hours earlier, she had drunk a coffee mug with Severus. This drink should have kept her awake, not sunk her into a dreamless sleep.

"Sev... Would you have added a substance to my coffee?"

"Absolutely" replied the wizard. "I added a few drops of Dreamless Sleep in your cup, the equivalent of a cork."

He replied casually, as if he had simply announced that he had put two sugar cubes in the beverage drunk by the young woman.

"How... how could you?!" Lily took offence.

"You had to sleep. So, I used the big ways, and it worked pretty well."

Lily felt duped. It was the first time she took a potion without her knowledge. She wasn't even suspicious when Severus gave her the cup. She drank her coffee without noticing any aftertaste.

"It's not right to abuse my trust to drug me." Lily replied with a frown.

"Immediately the big words" mocked Severus, who was turning a page. "You fell asleep and didn't have nightmare. You should be thanking me."

She knew he was right. Since Halloween night, Lily's nights have been hectic. Every night, she would step back from bedtime, spend hours staring at the ceiling in her bedroom, and often wake up wet, terrified, and saddened. For the first time in days, Lili felt rested and serene. But it wouldn't last, she knew it.

"While you were sleeping" continued Severus. "I fed, washed and dressed the boy."

"Thank you" said Lily who was watching her son play with his cubes. "He seems to love this game."

"It's appalling" deplored the wizard.

What did he expect? That little Harry could already read?

"He's only fifteen months" Lily replied, joining her son on the ground. "I think there is a logic to these cubes" she said, inspecting the wooden parts.

The red witch watched her son stack the cubes. He didn't randomly choose them to build his little tower.

"There are drawings on it" remarked Lily. "Sev? Come here."

"Do I really have to?" he mumbled. "These are just cubes for toddlers..."

Severus reluctantly left his old chair and knelt beside Lily. Harry handed him a cube.

"What does he want me to do with it?" asked the wizard with disdain.

"Put it on his pile" sighed Lily. "Look! It's an owl!"

Severus looked at her with appalled eyes. He didn't seem to understand the interest of the little boy's game.

"Look at the cubes he's already stacked" ordered Lily.

"An envelope, an owl, a fireplace, a mirror... Oh!"

"My son is a little genius!" exclaimed cheerfully the young mother.

Harry had chosen only cubes on which had been painted means of communication used in the magical world.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but... but indeed, it's quite impressive for a baby..." conceded Severus.

The child babbled a few inaudible words as an answer.

"I think he'd like you to play with him" Lily suggested. "I have to contact Dumbledore."

"Me? Playing with a baby?" replied the wizard in an alarmist tone. "You don't want me to contact Dumbledore, and you..."

"No" cut Lily dry. "It's question of my husband, I'd rather do it. You just stack cubes with Harry. We saw a more difficult mission. And then" she said in a playful tone, "it's my little revenge for giving me a potion without my permission."

She had no grudge against Severus. She knew that he had been guided by a good sense of doing the right thing, and that he cared deeply about her wellness and health. Severus reluctantly agreed to play with the child for a few moments.

"Professor Dumbledore's office in Hogwarts" she said distinctly after passing her head in the fireplace.

"Lily? Morning!" exclaimed the headmaster's school. "Is everything okay? Do you need anything? Maybe I haven't been..."

"No, all is well" replied Lily. "In truth, no, all is not well, Mr. the Headmaster. I'd like to talk to you about my husband, James, who died five days ago."

"Yes...James...We all mourn..."

The embarrassed tone employed by Dumbledore didn't reassure her at all.

"I want to bury my husband with dignity" said Lily.

"Well... Lily, you see..."

"You're going to talk to me again about those security measures, I know. But I'm sure—"

"We buried James two days ago" interrupted Dumbledore.

"You... you... did... what?" stuttered Lily, being too shocked to scream.

"James was buried two days ago at Godric's Hollow Cemetery, Lily" repeated Dumbledore.

The rage gradually creeped into Lily's veins, and Severus thought it best to keep Harry away from the living room. He certainly suspected that the room would soon be full of loud voices and that Lily's son didn't need to hear this argument between his mother and the Hogwarts' headmaster.

"So, you knowingly deprived me of the last goodbye with my husband!" roars Lily. "You conducted his funeral without even considering his last wishes! How could you, Dumbledore?! How could you?!"

Lily felt nothing but hatred and anger. She also cursed herself for not having raised this issue earlier, but the founder of the Order had deliberately left her in ignorance.

"And you didn't even tell me!" Lily spit.

"Lily, please calm down. I only acted in your best interest... I should have told you, but I was afraid you would make a rash decision that would have hurt your safety and that of little Harry."

"Our safety?! Our safety?!" shouted Lily. "I'm talking about my husband's funeral! You could have found a way to make them safe!"

"Lily, Death Eaters are still on the run. James wouldn't have wanted his wife and son to be in danger at his funeral."

"How dare you invoke the memory of my husband?! How dare you justify your actions by hiding behind his memory?! How dare you talk about what he would have wanted when you didn't even ask what his last wishes were?!"

Lily would have gladly destroyed Severus' living room, if it could have appeased the immense anger she felt.

"Lily, I assure you that my intentions have been guided only by the desire to do the right thing and protect you. I am truly sorry... Know that your friends, Sirius, and Remus, were there and they..."

"Shut up..." said Lily coldly. "I don't want to hear you anymore..."

Now it was the pain that filled her. She knew that Dumbledore had acted reasonably, in her interest and in Harry's. She also knew that James wouldn't stand the thought of his widow and son being in danger because of him. It was so cruel— She had lost her husband, and she had been denied an elementary right to bid his farewell, to honour his last wishes.

"Lily" said Dumbledore softly. "Know that Sirius and Remus respected your husband's last wishes... He was buried with dignity. Soon, you and Harry can gather at his grave..."

"I understand" Lily sniffed. "I understand... Thank you... I'll let you...surely you have more important things to do... unless you have something else to tell me—"

Dumbledore assured her that it was always a pleasure for him to speak with her and that he unfortunately had no other news to announce to her. Lily ended their exchange and cried silently for long minutes.

A hand rested on her shoulder, as she had buried her head between her knees and her belly. Severus crouched beside her and fondled her back tenderly.

"Where's Harry?" Lily sniffed.

"He was a little sleepy... He woke up early this morning."

"They buried James...without me, without our son...Godric's Hollow..."

Her voice was interspersed with sobs, and the tears continued to bead on her cheeks. She was unable to stop them. She felt Severus' arms wrap around her shoulders and his chin rest on her head.

"Did you know?" asked Lily.

"No, and I disagree...but I understand why Dumbledore made that decision."

"There was only Dumbledore, Sirius and Remus to say goodbye..."

Lily imagined a rushed burial, hastily dispatched during the night. The Hogwarts' headmaster had assured her that Sirius and Remus had respected her husband's wishes, but James had never wished to be buried at Godric's Hollow. His parents, who died a few months after their wedding, had been placed in the Potter family vault in Gloucestershire. James, at the time of their funeral, had hinted to Lily that when their time came, both would join them. She and James had never planned to stay in this village. Dumbledore had given them this location to hide. It was only a temporary place, a stage, before resuming a normal life, nothing more.

"You hated James" Lily whispered.

It wasn't really a reproach or even an accusation. Only the observation that Severus didn't rejoice at the death of his Hogwarts' enemy, the one that Lily had loved, chosen and spoused.

"I am sad for you" he replied. "I see how unhappy you are because...because of..."

Me. The pronoun got stuck in his throat. Lily didn't have the strength to detail all the grievances she had against him. James' death was partly Severus', but it was mostly Voldemort's.

Lily was upstairs with Harry, while Severus prepared lunch in the kitchen. Her son played in his cradle with his doudou, a white owl, received at his birth. He had a little nap, shortly after being away from the living room.

The young mother was depressed and felt miserable. She felt that everything was slipping away, that she had no control since Voldemort murdered her husband five days earlier. In truth, she had lost control of her existence for months, when Dumbledore had informed the Potters that their family was in mortal danger. Lily and James had no choice but to follow the recommendations of the Chief of the Order to the letter. They had hidden, had reduced their movements, until they didn't go out and receive anyone, a few weeks before the tragedy.

On the ground floor, the shrill sound of a doorbell interrupted Lily's deadly thoughts. She froze in surprise, but also horror. Severus lived in a Muggle house; the presence of a doorbell was quite normal. But who could visit him? A neighbour? The postman? A Death Eater? She had trouble imagining Bellatrix Lestrange on the run pressing the button and waiting for the owner to open the door.

Visits to Spinner's End were forbidden. Dumbledore had insisted on this point. Lily couldn't even receive Remus and Sirius.

They rang again, and again. Then Lily heard a certain tumult, but also Severus' footsteps and annoyed mumbles. The door creaked and slammed in the vestibule.

"WHERE IS LILY? WHERE IS LILY?" yelled a woman after a few seconds.

This voice, a little high up, Lily knew it. Impossible...

"WHERE IS SHE? YOU'LL TELL ME SNAPE!"

It was Petunia! Without thinking, Lily left the room and rushed down the stairs.

"Stay away, Lily!" barked Severus.

He had laid Petunia against a wall covered with filthy wallpaper that was taking off. He held her firmly by the collar of her wool coat and his wand threatened the frightened face of the young blonde woman with an excessively long neck.

"Stop Severus!" ordered Lily. "You scare her!"

The master of the place didn't listen her. The features of his face formed a terrifying grimace.

"What were Lily and I talking about when you were spying on us in the grove?"

"I...I...I...don't...remember..." croaked the unfortunate.

"Answer!"

"It was a long time ago... You scared her... You, crazy crank!"

Severus didn't release his grip. A gleam of fury burned in his eyes, black as coal.

"You... You... told... her... about the... the... creatures that haunt... the... prison where the bad seeds are locked up like you!"

"Severus! Let her go!"

The wizard obeyed and received a murderous look from Petunia.

"Tuney! What are you doing here?" asked Lily, hugging her sister.

Her older sister pushed her away and dusted her coat with the palm of her hands, thinking that the contact with Severus – a man she hated – and her mere presence here had been enough to stain her overcoat with a hideous mauve. Her piercing eyes measured the little vestibule, and there was no doubt that Petunia Dursley found the place deplorable and unworthy of her visit.

"People of your kind are not very discreet" she replied in a sharp tone. "On Sunday, Vernon went to the office – to work out a juicy contract – and he ran into people all over town with a funny look. They even told the news of clouds of owls in broad daylight, and meteor showers across the country!"

Lily remained speechless. She knew that many banquets had been organized only a few hours after the fall of Voldemort, but she was completely unaware that wizards and witches had been so careless as to attract the suspicion of the Muggles.

"Tuesday morning" continued Petunia. "I went to the supermarket to do the shopping of the week. And I too came across these strange people – like you – that you love so much! I never thought I would come across such people in Surrey, let alone Little Whinging's Tesco! My poor little Diddykins was very afraid to see all these people dressed strangely..."

Severus sniffed at the silly nickname Petunia gave her son. Petunia gave him a bad look. Severus was in her eyes nothing but a vile cockroach that had to be crushed at all costs, vermin that defiled her field of vision.

"Nevertheless, I heard whispers when I passed by them with my shopping cart. They were talking about a missing You-Know-Who. What a funny name, right? Then I heard your husband's name, which is very common. They said he had been killed, but his widow – you – and his son had survived, and that this You-Know-Who had vanished. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence... Potter is a very common name. But then these weird people mentioned your names. I didn't know how to contact you, and I remembered the horrible boy you hung out with when we were still living here."

Petunia spoke while ignoring the presence of Severus. Her tone betrayed her contempt for the Snape son. She had never called him by his first name, as far as Lily could remember. Lily's friend had always been the Snape son, the horrible boy, the freak, or the monster in Petunia's mouth.

"Dad told me on the phone - last Christmas - that he was still living here, that he had seen him not far from the stream. This morning, shortly after leaving Vernon for work, I dropped Dudley off at Mrs Figg's house – a very charming lady – and drove here. It was a gamble, I admit. After all, you and he weren't on very good terms for a few years. One wonders why... But I was hoping at least to get some information from him to contact you. I thought this animal, this degenerate, was going to kill me."

Petunia had therefore worried about Lily, the one she considered as a weirdo, a freak, the one she had refused the privilege of being her bridesmaid at her wedding, her own sister.

"Can you explain to me what really happened?" added the visitor.

Lily nodded and invited her sister into the living room. Petunia couldn't restrain a grimace of disgust by discovering the main room of the house. It was certain that the dilapidated place exceeded what she had imagined. Severus, impelled by suspicion, followed them, and stood in a corner, not far from the fireplace. Before sitting down, Lily's older sister inspected the sofa, which was covered with a patched-up fabric. However, she doesn't comment at all.

And Lily told her almost everything. She voluntarily omitted some details that would have brought nothing to Petunia, such as the past allegiance of their old acquaintance. Petunia didn't need to know.

When she had finished, Petunia asked to meet her nephew and Severus was sent to fetch him upstairs.

"He's a little sickly and not very tall" she said, looking at Harry who was in Lily's arms. "My little Dudley weighs thirty pounds."

In her handbag, she took out a small photograph and presented it to her sister. Lily saw a chubby baby blond as wheat with well-rounded pink cheeks. She was a little ashamed to think so, but little Dudley Dursley looked more like a pig with a blonde wig than a perfectly healthy baby.

"He's... very cute" said the young redheaded woman.

"Yes, everyone tells me!" replied Petunia with pride. "He's also incredibly intelligent like his father, but also very strong! On Sunday morning, for example, he threw all his cereals against the kitchen walls. They were everywhere! I was a little upset, but Vernon told me that's how you recognize a future cricket or golf player. And then, he can talk!"

For almost a quarter of an hour, Lily listened to Petunia Dursley talk at length about the accomplishments of her son, a sixteen-month-old baby. Dudley was - according to his mother - perfect in every way. He was able to open his mouth to ask for sweets, or to demand certain things. He had the soul of a leader like his father and had a lot of strength in his two small chubby legs, because he often used them to kick.

"Vernon also says he could also make a great career in football and become the future Kevin Keegan!" she said, giggling.

Lily was grateful to have a sweet little boy who never made a whim.

Lily asked her sister if she wanted to join them for lunch, but Petunia refused, claiming that she had a long way to go back to Surrey and that she was anxious to find her little Diddykins who most certainly had to claim her. In addition, Vernon was completely unaware that she had gone to Cokeworth, and she didn't want him to learn it. Lily thought above all that Petunia couldn't stand to be in Severus' house, and that she feared being intoxicated, even mortally poisoned, by his cooking.

The two sisters promised to give each other news and Petunia left the place definitively without even thanking Severus.

"If anything should happen to me, Sev... Swear you won't let Harry live with Petunia."

"I promise you."