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“Why were you mean to that boy, Tuney?” asked Lily, who was struggling to catch her breath.

The two girls had run away from the playground after making a strange encounter, that of a little boy, frumpy. 

“He was the one who was mean!” the eldest got angry.

Petunia had insisted on “the one”.

“He insulted you” she continued softly. “He said you were a witch. That’s mean, Lily. You don’t tell that to people when you’re polite.”

The redhead with the green eyes looked away. She and her sister had only a few meters to walk before reaching the gate of their garden.

“Maybe he’s right” Lily whispered.

She felt insulted when the Snape son called her a “witch”. The witches were ugly and naughty. In the tales that Lily and Petunia read, witches always had the wrong role. They concocted strange mixtures, cursed out of sheer cruelty and ate children.

The little Snape had also added that his mother was a witch, and that he himself was a wizard. Lily remembered his very left-handed look and mismatched clothes. At Cokeworth, poverty was omnipresent, but carefully hidden. Petunia had said that the boy – who would have been the same age as Lily – came from Spinner’s End, a working-class neighbourhood that suffered from a sordid reputation. Lily and her sister were not allowed to go, their parents had defended them. 

This boy wasn’t mean, Lily was convinced.

“Rubbish!” exclaimed Petunia. “Witches, it doesn’t exist, Lily. It’s like the bogeyman, the ghosts, the zombies— You must not listen to the son Snape, he’s a liar and he’s far from recommendable.”

“How do you know him?” replied Lily.

She knew her sister wasn’t the type to get along with the kids who lived at Spinner’s End. Lily was however surprised that her eldest remembered one of them and even more his name.

“His father works in the metal industry with Dad.”

“So, they are colleagues!” exclaimed Lily smiling.

“No, not really. Dad is an accountant; he’s a simple worker” she said in a contemptuous tone. “Some time ago, I heard Dad tell Mom that Snape had been laid off for a few days because he had made a big mistake at the factory.”

“So what? It doesn’t explain why you know this boy” Lily said in a sceptical tone.

“During my last year in St Melchior, Mrs. Russell asked me to get in the class of Miss Baxter several coloured pencils, because we lacked them for our drawing practice,” said Petunia. “In the corridor, I saw the principal and Mr. Lowood harangue this horrible boy very loudly. They said Snape, you’re less than a man, an inveterate liar! I think he got himself into trouble during recess by wounding Steeve Miller with a football.”

Lily and her sister walked a few more meters and crossed the threshold of the garden that surrounded their house.

“Lily, promise me you won’t look for that boy. I really don’t like him. He could get you in serious trouble.”

The little red-haired girl had just nodded, but she was already thinking of a way to meet the young Snape again.

*

“Lily? is everything okay?”

Lily startled when she heard Severus' voice. After lunch, she had sat in a corner near the single window of the living room and hadn't stopped looking at the dark and dirty street. In truth, she was just staring at it and drowning in her thoughts and memories. Petunia’s visit at Severus’ - three days before - had been a real surprise. Lily would never have believed her older sister capable of coming willingly to Spinner’s End. She knew what Severus had inspired her since childhood. Petunia Dursley had never liked him and had always seen him as a bad guy, a scum.  

“Yes, Sev. I was just lost in my minds.”

“I was a little worried...” he admitted. “Since your arrival here, you haven’t left this windowsill. Is the street so fascinating that I would never have noticed it?”

“No, not in the least” sighed Lily. “It’s even depressing.”

“I wish I could tell you we’re getting used to it, but that would be a lie.”

Lily smiled and left the windowsill. Then she saw Severus handing her a steaming cup of tea.

“You didn’t put anything in it, I hope” she said frowning.

It was more of a joke than a warning.

“Just tea” replied Severus. “I may have inadvertently slipped some Veritaserum.”

Lily smiled and took the cup before joining Severus on the couch.

“Why didn’t you get rid of this house?” asked Lily, blowing on her hot drink. “You hate it…”

Her friend, who holding his cup between his long and thin fingers, shrugged his shoulders.

“My father’s death is quite recent, and I don’t know what happened to my mother.”

“That’s right, I’m sorry, Sev.... Forgive me.”

Silly girl! Mrs. Snape had disappeared from her son’s life a few years earlier without leaving any clue for him to find her.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” assured Severus. “You know, after taking the... the mark... I haven’t come back here often. And when I got this job at Hogwarts, the school gave me a personal apartment. It’s a little smaller than here, but very comfortable. This house, because of all these events, was really the least of my worries.”

“I understand” replied Lily. “But if you had the opportunity to move, to have the house of your choice… Where would you go?”

For a few moments Severus didn’t leave his cup. He was thinking.

“When I was child” he said after a long silence. “I dreamed of seeing the sea. We never went on vacation because we couldn’t afford it. I believe that, even before going to London to catch the train to Hogsmeade, I had never left this city. If that’s the case, I don’t remember, because all the cities around are the same.”

“And did you get a chance to see it?”

Lily sincerely hoped for her friend.

“Yes, as soon as I knew how to disappear and appear.”

“I remember!” exclaimed Lily, a sweet smile on her lips. “We had passed our licence in the Great Hall! I even remember that Mary was very disappointed not to be able to pass it at the same time as us, because she was not yet seventeen. You and I weren’t talking anymore, but it seems to me you were doing pretty well.”

“Better than a broom” said Severus, ironic. “I saw the sea for the first time during the summer following our Apparition lessons. You can’t imagine how happy I was to be free, of legal age. My mother had left long before I came back here, and my father hadn’t seen fit to inform me. In any case, he couldn’t. He was just a muggle, after all.”

Lily listened carefully while drinking her cup.

“Shortly after my return, I left several days. Being alone with my father, while I was now allowed to use my powers, was really not a good idea. You must know, Lily, that I was absolutely not a good person at the time, and I still don’t pretend to be today. If my father had pushed me to the limit, I could have slipped, lost control…”

He stopped talking for a few seconds and his eyes stopped on Harry. The toddler played with small wooden figurines on the faded carpet in the living room.

“So, I left the town for a while. Not to take the mark.... It happened long after, when we left Hogwarts. But to see the sea. I still remember the tumultuous waves of the ocean, the fine drizzle that whipped my face, and the exhilarating smell of salt...”

He had closed his eyes by telling this memory which belonged only to him.

“It was in Cornwall, not far from Tinworth” he said, opening his eyelids. “There was no soul alive, it was heaven on earth. If I had to pack up, I would settle down in a little house by the ocean. This place has soothed me… Maybe I should have stayed there, never go back to Hogwarts… It would have been better for everyone” he said before swallowing his last sip of tea.

Lily hadn’t waited for her seventeenth birthday to see the sea. The Evans were certainly not the richest family in Cokeworth, but they could afford to go on vacation once a year. They usually spent a week in Wales, not far from Aberystwyth. Mr. Evans was born there, and his family still lived there when Lily was child. Almost every summer, Lily was able to admire the sea with Petunia. She and her sister built sandcastles, collected shells.

Lily hadn’t returned to Aberystwyth since the summer of her fifteen years. One night, her paternal grandmother had fallen asleep between the warm blankets of her bed and had never reopened her eyes. Then the old lady had found her beloved husband, who disappeared during the Second World War. Mr. Evans, being an only child and having no relatives living in this region, had therefore stopped taking his family there.  

The fireplace crackled. That meant Dumbledore wanted to talk to them. Quickly the voice of the headmaster of Hogwarts spread in the small living room and Harry babbled a few playful words. Lily’s son had never been frightened by the fireplaces. She and Severus left the couch and sat by the hearth to listen to the Order’s chief. Lily hadn’t forgotten that this jovial-looking man had deprived her of the last farewell with her husband.

“I have some news for you,” said Dumbledore. “The Aurors made a great catch today. Three Death Eaters were neutralized, but these are not the ones who abducted and tortured the Longbottoms. Severus, you know one of the two men who were captured: Sergius Mulciber, your friend, and Travers.”

Upon hearing these words, Lily shuddered. Sergius Mulciber was her age and had never hidden his dislike and disgust for anything that was not pure in Hogwarts. He had been one of Severus' comrades at Slytherin, one of those who had perverted her friend. In fifth grade, Sergius Mulciber and Methodius Avery had attacked Mary Macdonald, a Muggle-born like Lily. They wanted to humiliate her, force her to kiss them using an unforgivable spell. If they had managed to launch the Imperius Curse, Mary would certainly have been assaulted. And they both got out of it without any detention. They claimed it was just a joke, that they weren’t serious.

“Let me be touched by a dirty Mudblood? What an idea! It would have been necessary to throw me dozens of Scourgify after such a trial!” had loudly proclaimed Mulciber at Slytherin’s table.

And Severus had bound himself to these two horrible boys, had approved every word, every gesture. James, Sirius, Peter and Remus were wrong. The first two were far from saints, but they never thought to use magic to bully a teenage girl.

“He is not my friend” muttered the repented Death Eater.

Dumbledore paid no attention to it and continued.

“There was a duel between three Death Eaters and the Aurors.”

The headmaster only mentioned two arrests. What happened to the third supporter?

“Evan Rosier was killed by Moody while attempting to flee. Alastor was wounded during the struggle.”

Lily felt her heart miss a beat in her chest.

“He’ll be fine” the headmaster added. “It seems Evan Rosier used a mutilation spell. This is not the first time it has been used against a member of the Order or an Auror.”

Then Lily remembered Benjy Fenwick, whose body had been found lacerated and dismembered into small pieces. But above all she thought of Severus’ confidences. In their fifth year, he had invented a terrible spell that earned him the admiration of his peers and the approval of Voldemort. Thanks to this curse, Severus had won his entrance ticket to the troops of the dark mage. The son Snape, now a Death Eater, had taught the infamous spell to his master and some of his followers. Did Evan Rosier use it to mutilate Moody?  

“It’s dark magic, there’s no doubt about it” continued Dumbledore. “Alastor lost a piece of his nose and will remain disfigured.”

Severus had certainly changed allegiance, but his inventions – which he had lost control of - persisted in doing harm.

“Is there no cure?” asked Lily, depressed.

“None” the headmaster replied categorically.

“Have you heard from the Longbottoms?” asked Lily.

The Aurors – who had a son the same age as Lily’s – had been tortured for days before being found by their colleagues. But since then, Lily didn’t know if they had recovered.

“They are still hospitalized in St Mungo, Lily. Unfortunately, their condition has not changed favourably. Mediwizards do everything they can to treat them…”

“Were they mutilated?” asked Lily, eagerly.

Dumbledore nodded.

“Mediwizards had no difficulty treating the physical injuries they suffered. The hurt suffered by Alice and Frank is much deeper, pernicious and hidden. They endured the Cruciatus Curse for hours, to the point of losing their mind. They no longer know who they are, do not recognize their loved ones, and are no longer able to express themselves. They even became strangers to each other.”

Her heart tore in her chest. She had been happy to learn of the Longbottoms rescue a few days before. She thought they would recover and soon find their beloved son. Now, Lily was convinced that death would have been a better fate than the one they had been given.

“It’s still too early to say,” said Dumbledore. “Alice and Frank may recover. They are in good hands. However, you know as well as I do that the hurts of the mind are the most complex, and that sometimes the best will in the world and hope fail to overcome it.”

James had been lucky. This thought twisted her guts.

“Severus, you’ll be back in Hogwarts next week. You’ll be back in school on Wednesday. For everyone at the castle, you have Spattergroit. It’s a very contagious disease, but it’s very easy to cure. A prolonged absence on your part would give rise to suspicions and rumours of which I would gladly dispense. However, you will return at home by the Floo network at the end of your working day to ensure the safety of Lily and little Harry.”

“And during my absence, who will watch over them?” asked Severus coldly.

“Yes, I come” replied Dumbledore. “I never seriously suspected Remus Lupin and Sirius Black of spying on the Order for the benefit of Lord Voldemort. It was a precautionary measure—”

“You’re not going to send them to my house!” said Severus, who had guessed the headmaster’s intentions.

The new teacher at the witchcraft school had supported a short visit from the Marauders the day after the attack, but he wasn’t willing to receive them again.

“You will only meet” tried to reassure him Dumbledore.

“That’s not it!” he roared. “They will be in my house during my absence! I do not trust them! Especially Black!”

Severus had probably heard Sirius mocking his living room and his neighbourhood. He was probably worried that James Potter’s best friend was having fun digging through his stuff. Lily knew he could, but she would make sure that never happened.

“Severus, be reasonable. You will have peace of mind knowing that someone is ensuring the safety of your guests in your absence.”

“To have peace of mind” repeated Lily’s friend in a contemptuous tone. “You do not know Black as I do. Lupin, if he wasn’t a werewolf, could be frequentable.”

Lily gave Severus a dark look. Remus had not chosen to be a werewolf, unlike Severus who had become a Death Eater voluntarily.

“Well,” he softened. “Let Lupin come in this case…”

“No, he can’t. The full moon is on Wednesday. You know that Mr. Lupin’s transformations weaken him—”

“And make him terribly dangerous!” spit Severus. “No, I have not forgotten, Dumbledore. I almost lost my life because of him in fifth grade!”

Lily sighed. As soon as Remus Lupin’s name was mentioned in a discussion, Severus couldn’t help but make the worst accusations. According to him, Sirius and Remus had orchestrated an attempted murder against him. Lily was convinced that Remus was completely innocent. Remus hated himself for being a werewolf, because he feared more than anything to hurt, contaminate or even kill someone during one of his transformations. He and Severus had never been friends – much to Lily’s regret – but the Gryffindor would certainly have ended his life if he had accidentally killed the Slytherin that full moon night in the shack set up for him.

“Sirius Black will be at your house Wednesday morning” announced Dumbledore. “He’ll come into your living room through the fireplace in my office, and he’ll leave the same way when you come back. Nobody will know.”

“Very well” Severus capitulated.

“I must leave you now. I must honour an important appointment at the Ministry.”

Dumbledore greeted them and the hearth became cold and dark again. A good fire would certainly have made this sordid room much warmer.

“Sev” hesitated Lily. “The spell that hurt Moody, it’s yours... Right?”

He just looked down on his knees.

“I suspected it” Lily replied.

There was no anger in her voice. Severus had told her everything, almost.

“And there really is no cure?” she added.

Severus rose. For a moment she thought he was going to turn his back on her, and retire to his room, but he didn’t.

“No, I developed it to defend myself, after that famous night under the Whomping Willow” he said, looking straight into her eyes.

At this very moment, Lily realized for the first time the extent of the trauma caused by Sirius’ prank on Severus. Her friend thought he was dying, and he had invented this curse under the impulse of anger and fear to never feel vulnerable again. There was nothing to add.