Chapter 3
Regulus should have thought longer about this. It’s been nearly two months since their first date and Regulus can feel himself starting to actually fall for the guy. And well, that was never part of the plan, but it is becoming his reality. He has started to look at James differently, no longer his annoying older brother’s even more annoying friend, but just James. He’s becoming too attached, he should stop, before he takes it too far.
Nearly two months of dating! That is two months longer than he has dated anyone before. Sometimes he has to remind himself that it is fake and he doesn’t feel anything for James. So he cancels half the dates James tries to plan for them, but then James would message him something sweet and maybe being James' boyfriend wouldn’t be so bad.
What is he thinking? None of it is real, none of it started real. And he has to hand it to Pandora, he does know how to continue his book now.
James is such a romantic. They spend the whole day together in the city and now they’re on their way to James’ flat. To eat a meal James is going to cook for them, because of course James cooks a meal for them. Then watch a movie while they cuddle up on the couch. He’s, fuck, he is actually starting to like James.
They arrive back at his flat, before they can move any further inside James has him pressed against the door, their lips meeting in languid kisses, it feels very intimate.
“You’re supposed to make me dinner,” he murmurs against James' lips. Over the past few weeks he has learned that James is a phenomenal kisser.
“Dinner can wait,” James responds before he dives back in, his hands reaching for the hem of his shirt. Warm hands now firmly holding the bare skin of his waist.
They’re barreling towards a line Regulus does not want to cross. It would feel wrong. It already feels wrong, it would make everything worse. It feels so good, but it wouldn’t be fair.
James moves his kisses from his mouth to his neck. He wants to get lost in this feeling, he could if he let himself, but it doesn’t feel right, it would feel like a lie. James doesn’t know better, but he does.
He is so stupid. Why couldn’t he have agreed to go on a date with James earlier? Now everytime they go out he is digging himself a deeper hole. Soon it will be painfully impossible to climb out of. But he has to. He wants James, but not like this, he wants it to be real for him too, give James a real chance.
He gently pushes James away. He has been so patient with him. He steps away from him without complaints.
“Let’s just have dinner,” he reasons. James grabs his hand and leads them to the kitchen. And somehow this feels even more intimate. Regulus sits on the counter while James is preparing dinner for them, eating together at the small dinner table James has in his flat, sharing a bottle of wine during and after dinner, still sitting at the table keeping the conversation going until their eyes are half closed and every other sentence is interrupted by a yawn.
“Let’s go to bed,” James offers after Regulus nearly nods off where he is sitting.
“James, I don’t think-” he starts to decline.
“Just to sleep,” James clarifies, holding his hand out for him waiting for him to take it as confirmation. He takes it without hesitating.
James gives him clothes to sleep in and shows him the bathroom, takes out a new toothbrush for him, like he is already expecting these nights to happen more often, Regulus wishes they could.
When he emerges back to the bedroom James has already changed his clothes. He’s looking Regulus up and down, a glint in his eyes, he never would have guessed James to be so possessive.
“You look good,” he says, voice low, as he walks past him, “get comfortable, I’ll come join you soon.”
He lies there, wrapped up in James’ blankets on his bed wearing his clothes and it feels so natural, like this is where he’s meant to be. The mattress dips when James gets in. He instinctively shuffles back to be closer to him until his back is pressed against James’ back. James wraps his arm around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.
“This okay?” he mumbles.
“Yeah.”
“Good night, Reg.”
Regulus doesn’t dare respond, afraid his voice will break. He’s never been more comfortable than in James’ arms, but he has never felt like more of a horrible person than right now. And the fact that he just could have had this anyway.
He lies there thinking and thinking, James has long fallen asleep, still holding onto him. He has to tell him, sooner rather than later, he has to.