Chapter 3
Regulus made it to his free period. He watched as Sirius sat at the big tree near the lake. He silently walked up to his older brother.
“Sirius, I'd like to talk to you.”
Sirius turned and looked at him, with hatred and disgust in his eyes.
“Get away from me, death eater. “
It stung. It hurt deep down. But Regulus didn't let it show.
“Sirius, we are going to talk.”
Sirius still refused.
“No. Why should I? I know all I need to know. You fit perfectly into our family theme. You broke your one promise to me. You joined them.”
Regulus stared down at Sirius.
“Yeah. Not like I had a choice.”
“But you did! You did have a choice! You could've come with me when I left, but you chose to stay with them! You didn't go to an adult about it, so this isn't my fault!”
“AND YOU THINK IT'S MINE?!”
“YES! YOU'D DO ANYTHING THEY TOLD YOU TO! IF THEY TOLD YOU TO KILL, YOU WOULD! IF THEY TOLD YOU TO HURT SOMEONE, YOU WOULD! IF THEY JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE, YOU WOULD TOO! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THEM!”
“No. I'm not. I'm not like you, but I'm also not like them. I have morals.”
“Not anymore.”
“Sirius, stop. We both know I'm not any different than before. I was forced to do this. I'm still the same person.”
“No, you aren't. You act like you can just excuse your actions when you can't. You disgust me.”
“I disgust myself.”
“I'm glad.”
“I hope you disgust yourself too.”
“I don't. Feel sad.”
“Such a pity.”
“Mhm.”
“You can't just act like I'm not your brother anymore.”
“That's exactly what I'm doing.”
“I'm your brother.”
“So?”
“You love me.”
“Do I?”
“You should.”
“I don't know if I do. Don't tell me if I should or shouldn't do something.”
“...Goodbye, Sirius.”
“No, you're not backing out and being a coward now. Not again.”
“I'm not a coward.”
“You are, though.”
“You're the one who has beef with a thirteen year old.”
“Touché.”
“Can we please just go back to not hating each other?”
“...it isn't that easy, Regulus. You've broken my trust.”
“I know. I know I did. I didn't have an option. It was either break your trust or die.”
“Well, I'm glad you chose to not die.”
“Me too.”
“This is awkward.”
“Yep.”
“...at this point just get to your next class.”
And regulus did just that. He needed something to take his kind off of him and Sirius's conversation.
He should've paid more attention in certain classes [Binns], but still got by with notes.
As soon as his last class was over, Regulus ran to the dorm. He threw his bag down and flopped onto the bed, narrowly avoiding a purring Mr. Giggle wiggle biggie cheese fancy-Pants the forty third. M.g.w.b.c.f.p.t.f.t. wasn't very happy with him it seemed. He didn't care anyway. It was just a stupid cat that'd run away in his fifth year no matter what. Regulus closed his eyes and let his mind take him to another land full of wonders and magic and delight.
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Sirius was livid. Not at Regulus. But at himself. He couldn't even protect his brother. He failed. Not even James and Remus could cheer him up for days on end. He felt horrible. Regulus, only 13, was a death eater. Nothing could take it back now. The Mark would never rub or wash off. It was forever. The Enchanted ink would forever stain his left forearm. All because he didn't take Regulus with him when he ran to the Potter's mansion. He was selfish and it cost him his brother. Sirius hated past Sirius. He regrets every action he ever made that put Regulus's safety in danger. He wants his baby brother back. Not the shell of a boy he's turned into. James and Remus felt guilty too. Peter didn't care. He was happy to have Regulus away from them for a while. He hated him, the little brat. Peter thought Regulus was stuck up and silent in the presence of people inferior to him. Meanwhile, Regulus was literally hanging upside down by his underpants. Barty had thought it'd make a good prank to set up a trap in front of their door. Normally, Regulus would've seen it. But he was too busy. He tried to jump off of the hook that was holding him up. It worked after a few tries, and he fell on his head. Ouch. But it didn't really affect him too much. Regulus was a man on a mission. He headed straight to the Gryffindor tower. He got to the portrait of the fat lady. That's as far as he made it. An anxious, scrawny-looking gryffindor ratted him out. Two scary, bigger seventh years dragged Regulus back to the Slytherin Common Room. They made him say the password.
“Pureblood-”
The door swung open violently, and Regulus ducked, so the door slammed into the seventh year on his right's head. He fell backwards, loosening his grip on Regulus. Regulus took that as a chance to slip into the common room and shut the door before they could follow him in. Well, he could always wait until later…then he'd sneak in. Regulus smirked as he bounded up the stairs to his dorm. When he got there, Pandora was doing a potions assignment, Barty and Evan were screeching the lyrics to ‘Sweet Home Alabama.’ Dorcas was sitting on her bed with the pillow over her ears. Regulus sat on his bed and grabbed his sketchbook. He started drawing, to pass the time.
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When the clock hit midnight, Regulus grabbed his wand and quietly left for the Gryffindor Common Room.
He regretted not sleeping a little before, because he was struggling to not fall asleep. When he got to the Tower, he whispered the password. The Fat Lady gave him a look up and down, smiled softly, then her portrait swung open. Regulus swiftly climbed up the long staircase, and knocked on the dorm he knew was his brother's. He heard a rustle of bedsheets then a “THUNK” and two ‘ow's. They had to have bumped heads. Regulus couldn't help but let out a giggle at the thought. That giggle was stopped short as an irritated-looking Remus opened the door, Peter watching from behind him. Regulus didn't really know Remus all too well.
“Um, I was just hoping I could talk to Sirius very quickly?”
“It's literally midnight.”
“I didn't have any other choice, I got kicked out when I tried to come in here during the day.”
Regulus could feel Remus’ piercing glare, then a frown.
“Sirius doesn't want to talk to you right now.”
“Well he can get over it. I need to talk to him, whether he likes it or not.”
“Regulus, I personally have nothing against you except for you joining THEM. I think you seem decent enough. But Sirius knows you. And he still doesn't want to talk to you. And I trust him on this. So you will not be talking to him until he's ready to talk to you.”
“Lupin, if you don't let me in there or send him out here, I'm going to hex your buttocks off. And I'll tell Slughorn that It was you that Enchanted the brooms to try to buck off any slytherins. Make your choice. I'll be talking to him either way.”
“...No.”
“Alright then. Good luck in detention with Old Sluggy, then.”
“Fine. But if you say ANYTHING regarding me to professor Slughorn, you'll live to regret it.”
“Whatever. Let me in.”
Remus moves aside hesitantly, watching as Regulus makes his way over to his, now awake, brother. Regulus took a deep breath.
“I’m…sorry.”
“No, you aren't.”
“Yes, I am. I'm sorry, Sirius. Im sorry that I was forced to get the dark mark, I'm sorry that you left me all by myself with out parents, I'm sorry that i don't have anyone that's safe anymore because all of my friends have death eater parents, im sorry for trying to be a kid, Im sorry for dissapointing you when im trying my best, I'm sorry I couldn't do better for you.”
Sirius just stares at Regulus with a strange expression.
“...I've been treating you quite unfairly, haven't I? It's not your fault…I'm sorry, Regulus. I'm really sorry. I'm supposed to be your big brother, not your bully…”
Regulus stays silent, staring at the ground. Sirius takes a breath.
“If you want, we can try to fix this. We can try to make this better.”
“...Thank you, Sirius.”
“...Please just get back to bed. Tomorrow's the start of quidditch season. You'll need to be well rested. Good luck.”
So he left. Both brothers could feel the words unsaid between them. The tension wasn't resolved. There was years and years of abuse and neglect in their house, and neither of them were able to reach out to the other. They were two different types of people. Sirius would lash out, Regulus would shut down emotionally. Sirius left, Regulus stayed. Sirius hated their parents, Regulus was still trying to mentality justify their actions. Sirius got into fights, Regulus would fight himself. Sirius surrounded himself with distractions, Regulus blocked it out. They handled it very differently. There were so many times that Regulus thought that his brother would end up hating him next. He was right, for a long period of time. Regulus didn't want to have to go his life and only make up with Sirius just before he died. He wanted his brother to be by his side. He wanted Remus and James to be by his side. Peter not so much. Peter could dissappear tonight and Regulus wouldn't bat an eye. He's a traitor. He joined the death eaters on his own accord. Regulus wanted to save his friends from his own fate. His friends meant so much to him. Right now, they didn't know it, but they were destined to be horrible people. Barty would drive himself insane, crazed, and murderous, Evan would die in a fight with Marlene, Pandora would end up selling her own husband out to death eaters for money, Dorcas would end up murdering her cousins for joining the death eaters, Narcissa would joined the death eaters with Lucius, and Andromeda would end up sabotaging Remus in the Battle Of Hogwarts. Regulus himself ended up murdering people too. Only two, and indirectly. He gave away his parents’ location to the death eaters. His parents owed them big money. The only thing that can be said about that night is that it was quick. Regulus doesn't know how to prevent every single thing in the future. He's not some genius. He's only one person. And if he tried to tell anyone about it, they'd call him a nutcase. He was absolutely alone in this. Nobody could know. Regulus heads back to his dorm, and suddenly sobs silently into his soft pillow. He felt horrible. His head was pounding and his eyes hurt from all the crying. He just wanted to go home. Well, his future home. He doesnt think he can do this again. It was hard enough the first time, but now he has the stress of trying to fix what has been broken. All of that stress, why? Because some divine being wants him to suffer more? Tears drip in a steady line down his face. Why is this happening to him? Is it because he was destined to just be in pain forever? Is he going to have to do this again and again and again? What’ll happen if he does get put back to 13 again? What if this is just his life now? Is he going to have to lose his loved ones repeatedly, on a loop? Or is he dead? Is his brain just pulling a prank on him? What if none of this is real? What if his future he lived through was just a dream? Could it have been? Regulus wants to scream, cry, and laugh all at the same time. This is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. He just attempts sleep. It eventually falls over him, but brings no comfort.