Loving Days and Torturous Nights (Jegulus)

It was cold, but a good type of cold, the wind was blowing lightly. and the sky was clear, the moon was high, and the stars were shining. It was a beautiful night, and the walk was helping, Regulus was able to clear his mind, and forget his dreams. James led him through the grounds past the outdoor gardens and into the greenhouse. it was warmer inside, he said. and that was his excuse for going inside of it.

Regulus would be lying if he said that the greenhouse was not beautiful, there were many plants and flowers and trees, the place smelled fresh and new. It was amazing, the amount of life in this small place.

"What are these?" Regulus asked the older man as he touched the leaf of a plant,
"It's called a lavender bush, " James told him.

"oh" Regulus said.

it looked nice, the purple color seemed to thrive in the light of the full moon, the glass of the walls allowing the light to shine through.

"You seem to be a lot better now. I remember a few days ago you could barely walk a few feet." James said.

"I'm still sore."

"I could've given you a massage." James said, smirking at the younger.

"I don't know what gave you the impression that you have permission to touch me." Regulus said, rolling his eyes at the man's advances. He seriously had the gall to act like he was not a part of upper society.

It was weird, he knew that two men of their age should not be living this close to each other without proper supervision. He wasn't courting James, he probably wouldn't ever court James Potter.

"nothing. It was just an offer." James said, "I would never do anything to hurt you, or make you uncomfortable, and I hope that you know that"

Regulus was quiet, "sometimes In my head I blur the lines on if you're a gentleman or a common Rake. " Regulus said to him, "I'm offended if you think I would ever cheat on you."

"We are not courting Mr.Potter" Regulus said to him. Reminding him and himself of that fact.
James laughed, "You would know if we were courting Mr.Black"

"Is that so?" Regulus said,

James nodded, and smiled,"Yes, if I were courting you, you would be getting flowers daily, and I would send a letter every morning, and night"

"Sounds like a bother, having to receive and reply to letters everyday."

"I'm sure you could handle it, you've been through worse"

"That's not what I meant, it would be a waste of paper and time. I don't even know if I would like receiving flowers."

"I know you would."

Regulus sighed, "How do you know?"

"Because I know you, I may not know everything. but I know enough."

"What's my favorite color?"

"Green, though not your family's dark and regal green, a brighter one, more grass and plant like. You also enjoy reading romances more than you would like to admit. you like sitting in the sun in your bedroom next to the window, you hate summer you think it is to hot. and you hate being told what to do and support a major attitude problem when you are feeling like yourself" James told him.

He was taken aback, but it didn't stop him from responding to the man. He wondered if Sirius had talked to him. Told him what he liked, or if James was just that observant of a man. He knew things about the other as well, his favorite color was red, he enjoyed botany, and sword fencing.

"How do you know so much?" Regulus asked.

"Well, I am a genius, and you have a very distinct personality. and a pretty face."

Regulus rolled his eyes. "I could say the same about you."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"A man does not learn things and knows how to make people feel things like that without experience. And your face is the most distracting thing in the world, especially when you smile."

"You are quite the distraction yourself Mr.Black."
"I don't like that name anymore." Regulus bit.

"What do you want me to call you then, if you are no longer a black" James said, "And why don't you like that name."

The younger one shrugged "I don't know. I just don't want to be a Black. They are all awful, and the things that they do, it makes me sick." Regulus said. "and you can call me whatever you wish."

"Is Mr.Potter on the table then?" James said to him.

"are you fucking drunk james?"

"No, not yet. But I am quite intoxicated."

"On what." Regulus snapped.

"The beauty in front of me." James said.

"and it also seems like a half bottle of bourbon and a full one of whisky." Regulus told him.

He didn't know how he didnt see it before. maybe he was just too distracted by his own head to do so. or maybe James had a lot more control over his actions and thoughts while intoxicated than he had previously thought. James looked at him and smiled a smile that melted Regulus's heart, one that he wished didn't break down his walls.

"You're drunk." he stated plainly, the man laughed.

"Kiss me Regulus" he said.

Regulus was shocked by the man's words. "No," he told him. James pouted.

"i dont think I'm ready, and besides, I don't even like you."

"Yes you do, I can see it in your eyes. youre beautiful eyes, plus you've kissed me before. why wont you now? " The man started sitting down on a stone bench next to the sunflowers, "afraid that if you kiss me you won't stop and will want more?" he asked him.

"No, I just, I don't want to right now" Regulus told him.

"You want me."

"shut up James, please"

James laughed. "You like my laugh," he said to him.

Regulus did, "you're the most infuriating man I have ever met" he told him.

James patted the seat next to him and smiled, the man was acting strange, well not strange, but the way he was looking at him and how he spoke was unlike him, maybe Regulus did not know him. He was only with him for a few days. and while they were talking. Regulus still felt as if they were strangers. He wasn't sure why, he was sure he could say the same thing about his brother and yet he would trust him with his life. Maybe he just thought he didn't know others while he actually did.

or maybe he was just making up excuses like he always did.

He knew James's laugh and smile, he knew he loved plants, that he was a good friend, a good man, a flirt especially while drunk. He was brave and a good fighter but Regulus could always best him in a sword fight. Regulus did wonder if he could take the man in a hand on hand brawl. most likely not, James was a little taller, which didn't mean much but in bulk areas he had Regulus beat by a long shot.

Regulus and his brother were both very slender but James was buffer, not huge in any sense that he knew of. but still larger than Regulus himself.

"Youre thinking too loud. come here" James said.

Regulus walked over to the man and sat down. James looked at him, their eyes locked and Regulus felt as if he was drowning, drowning in those beautiful brown eyes. He knew that James would be there to pull him out. and he knew the man would keep him safe. and that's what scared him the most.

"Reg"

"yes James"

"Can I kiss you."
Regulus did not answer him, and the older man took that as a no. Instead, he just moved his hand up and brushed his fingers along the side of his face, the man was staring at him with this soft look in his eyes. “You’re a beautiful man Regulus, anyone would be lucky to have you”

Regulus couldn't respond, he couldn't say anything. He was too distracted. He didn't even think, He just moved his hand up and grabbed James's shirt and pulled the man into a kiss. James froze. His eyes wide. Regulus was the first to pull away. He looked at the older man, who was just staring at him. He did not know what to say. Regulus began to panic. James must have noticed, because he smiled, and pressed his lips against the others. It was a quick kiss. Not passionate, or needy. Just a small kiss.

James looked into the others eyes. They stared at each other, Regulus felt the butterflies in his stomach. The man was handsome. He had nice eyes, and a great smile.

Regulus had no clue what he was doing. He felt stupid for not knowing but this feeling he got whenver he was around James was becoming to much. They were going to far.

“Don’t Go,” James said, “I know you’re scared but don’t run away from me.”

“It seems to be a very bad habit I have, running away but staying in the same place somehow” Regulus said to him.

James chuckled and brushed his hair out of his eyes, he didn't say anything, and the two sat there in silence for a while, just enjoying the moment.

Their bodies seemed to melt together, and Regulus was convinced he could stay there for another few hours. James' arms wrapped around him though Regulus was not doing the same. He leaned into the touch.

Regulus looked down at his hands, the scars and small cuts littering his palms, he had many of them. and he had never been self conscious about them before. He had no reason to be, he was a Black. and no one had ever really looked at him. and if they did, it was not for very long.
James reached out and grabbed his hands, he brought them up and kissed each one. Regulus's heart was racing. He was not sure what to do, he was not used to people touching him.

“ We should go to bed, before you do something you’ll regret when you're sober” Regulus told the older man.

James smiled, and let go of the younger man's hands, he stood up and held out his hand.
Regulus looked at the outstretched hand.

he couldn't.

Regulus was not ready for anything, and while James was a nice man, he did feel something with him.

He wasn’t ready to commit to a hell he didn’t even know yet. chain himself to another person that would only hurt him.

————-

As Regulus layed in bed, the thought of kissing James, of his touch was still there, it made him feel safe, warm, happy. but he knew nothing about him, and nothing about himself, or his future, or anything.

He was scared.

and the only way he could figure out his feelings and what he wanted, was by being alone. and the last thing he wanted was to have someone waiting for him, or worrying about him.

So he wrote his brother, saying he was ready to come and live with him and Remus, and then, after a day of preparing, and planning, he left, leaving nothing but a note for the viscount.
It was for the best.

And it was for his own sanity.

So, as he got into the carriage, and waved goodbye to his former life, one that he grew to like, while he was thrown into after almost drowning. He did like the viscounts home. He wished he would have spent more time with James himself, But it was no longer his home, it never was in the first place. and the only thing waiting for him was a broken heart, and a shattered soul.

It was a new start.

And a new life,

one he couldn't wait to start but still regret.

It felt wrong somehow.