04/09/1989
Monday, September 4th
Dear diary, I no longer feel angry with Dad and early in the morning I apologized to him. Sev just smiled at me and said he understood, not to worry because he didn't take my words seriously. But I could see that my apologies made his shoulders relax, Dad had been very tense, I could tell as soon as I laid my eyes on him when I came down for breakfast.
I'm glad he forgave me so soon, but I feel like I should do more for him. I can't help but feel like I brought a lot of pain to my dad with the cruel words I shouted at him without thinking...
Julius looked worried and a bit anxious, but he didn't comment. Together, the three of us had breakfast in silence, until the mail arrived along with the newspaper. That's when we found out that mom's funeral would be today at three o'clock in the Godric's Hollow cemetery.
I was furious that James didn't bother to let us know himself and that we found out through the newspaper, as if I weren't part of the family, as if she hadn't been my mother too.
I also didn't understand why she was going to be buried in the Godric's Hollow cemetery and not in the Potter family one, I asked Dad and he, with his face twisted in anger, told me that according to the newspaper, my mom's transgression that led her to court with James made her unworthy of the family cemetery.
That made my indignation skyrocket, not even the brief note from Anna apologizing helped, nor could I focus on Xavier's note, which, for the first time in his life, accepted that, perhaps, James did not do the right thing and that I did have the right to say goodbye to mom...
None of that mattered, I couldn't help but cry out of rage and pain, and the hugs from Dad and Julius could only make me feel slightly better...
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The three of us went to the funeral, but it was crowded with people, journalists, photographers, and gossips. The Aurors had to use the Obliviate spell several times on the poor Muggles living in the area, as the number of wizards and witches dressed in robes only made the activity more suspicious.
Despite having arrived since noon, the place was already full and we couldn't get very close. When I tried to say that Lily had been my mom, either they mocked me or got angry and called me a liar, it was horrible.
Dad managed to convince me to give up and we moved away from the area, towards a small hill a little further south, from there we could see everything without any problem, but it felt bad as if it were a grave mistake.
The worst part was that no one seemed interested in mom, but they were trying to talk to James or Xavier, even Anna seemed to be left behind... The ceremony was terrible, constantly interrupted by the noise of conversations and even laughter.
I couldn't feel more angry... just... empty, it's hard to explain how I feel even now, far from all that, sitting at my desk in my room... I know very well that Dad couldn't sleep last night and probably won't be able to sleep tonight either.
Out of solidarity or empathy, I'm not sure, Julius tried to stay awake with us until around eleven o'clock, but his body is that of a six-year-old and he didn't make it. Dad carried him up to his room when I decided I needed to write about today...
In a little while, I'll go to accompany Dad to the living room. I don't want to be alone and I don't want him to go through it alone either...
Goodbye.