Fireside Chat
It would be hours before Remus returned to the Gryffindor common room. Sirius checked the map multiple times to see where he was, to check on him, but to no avail. He knew that if Remus wasn’t showing up on the map it was because he didn’t want to be found. Still, Sirius planted himself next to the fire in wait for his return. He didn’t know what he did to anger Moony so much, but gods if he wasn’t going to make up for it. Hours ago, James returned to find Sirius seated by the fire, playing catch and release with their shared snitch. When asked why he was there, Sirius simply replied “Waiting for Moony.” And James knew better to question that.
Of course, it is hard to wait for Moony when it is so bloody boring with nothing to do and no one to talk to. It’s even harder when it is late at night and the castle is silent. It’s perhaps the hardest to wait when Sirius drifts off into a restless sleep next to the hearth.
At approximately 1:43 AM, Remus found Sirius in the same position: curled next to the fire, still in his unkempt uniform, a golden snitch buzzing about the room. He sighed, instantly knowing what was going on. He strutted to the fire and tapped Sirius with his foot. “Pads, get up. It’s late.”
Sirius woke with a jolt, looking around frantically before his eyes met Remus’s. “Remus…” he began.
“Bedtime.” Remus tutted, grabbing Sirius’s shirt by the cuff and pulling him up.
“I was waiting for you,” Sirius murmured in his still-groggy state. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in a vase they walked past and hastily patted down his sleep-strewn hair.
“I figured,” Remus responded flatly, still pulling Sirius by the cuff.
“I wanted to make sure you were ok. But you weren’t on the map.” Sirius took quick strides to match the pace of Remus.
“I’m fine. I just went for a walk.” Remus kept strutting, long legs moving quickly, facing forward and away from Sirius.
“Until 1 AM? And not on the map?”
“I said I’m fine,” Remus emphasized, finally stopping to meet Sirius’s gaze. “ I went on a walk to the shack. Stayed for a little bit. Then I came back.”
Sirius hummed. “Fine, don’t tell me then.” He didn’t break eye contact with Remus.
“There's nothing to tell. Why are you so invested in what I was up to? What does it matter to you?” Remus threw his hands up in exasperation.
“I just worry about you, is all,” Sirius muttered, abashed.
“Clearly,” Remus sighed, and he turned back around towards the stairs.
“Wait, wait.” Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around. “Talk to me. Please.” His eyes were begging, pleading. Remus knew he could never say no to those puppy-dog eyes that Sirius had perfected (which was completely unfair, he had way too much practice), so he walked to the couch and patted the spot next to him. Sirius gladly took the invitation, perhaps a bit too gladly, splaying himself across the couch and placing his head in Remus’s lap.
With another sigh, Remus magicked two cups of tea for them, an Earl Grey for him and chamomile for Sirius. The last thing Sirius needed now was caffeine. “What is it you want to talk about, Pads?” He asked, handing Sirius his teacup and taking a sip out of his own.
“Well, we could start with you disappearing for 5 hours.” Sirius looked up at Remus with slightly hurt eyes. “And don’t tell me it was nothing. I know you, Moony.”
Remus hummed and took another sip of his tea. “I was upset, you’re right. I can’t really… explain why though. You know I have trouble with my feelings.” Sirius nodded solemnly in agreement. “It’s just… Well, James finally got his date with Lily. And you are going to go out with Mary. It just seems like everyone is being pulled in these different directions. And I’m still here. Good ‘ol Remus, always here. Sometimes it feels like you guys all have lives beyond this castle, and I’ll be here forever. Gods, I’ll be in my 30s and still reading Defense Against the Dark Arts textbooks while you guys are out doing who knows what. Married, kids, jobs. Not me, never me. So hearing you talk about the Yule Ball… it stung. I don’t know why, but that was the straw that broke this hippogriff’s back. I’m sorry, that probably didn’t make any sense.” Remus threw his head back on the couch, gazing at the ceiling. Unbeknownst to him, his fingers were twirling through Sirius’s hair, an anxious fidget he picked up one way or another.
Sirius sat up and drew Remus to look at him. “Remus…” he began, grey eyes glistening in the firelight. “You are the most incredible, talented, and wonderful human being I have ever met.” Remus looked away, but Sirius cupped his cheek and turned him back to face him. “Look at me: you are amazing. If you seriously think that you won’t go out there and have a life beyond this castle, you must be cheating in divination. And Remus Lupin doesn’t cheat.” This brought a chuckle out of Remus, who now had small tears tracing down his cheeks. “We will never leave you behind, this I swear. I will never leave you behind Remus.” Sirius wiped a tear from Remus’s face with his thumb, still cupping his cheek. “Also, I never said I was going with Mary Macdonald.”
Remus didn’t know what did it. Maybe it was the fact that it was nearly 2 AM now and he wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe it was the comfort of having someone promise to be there for him, always. Maybe it was how bloody gorgeous Sirius Black looked in the firelight at that moment. All Remus knew was that he couldn’t hold back. Pressing his hand atop Sirius’s, he leaned in and pressed his lips to the other boy’s. He stayed for a moment, kissing, and for a split second, it seemed like Sirius might have been kissing him back. But then, Sirius drew away. “Remus…”
“Oh my gods. Oh my gods. Merlin, I’m– I’m so sorry.” He stood up abruptly, teacup clattering to the floor. With a flick of his wand, it was cleaned up as he marched to the staircase. “That was. I’m sorry. Accident. Sleep. Goodnight.” And with that, Remus slipped up the stairwell and into their shared dormitory.
Sirius pressed his fingertips to his lips, face beet red from the warmth of the tea and fire and whatever that was. “Oh gods…” he muttered.