dazai pulls mad hoes, crashes a car, and draco doesnt know what a crush is
the actual pureblooded slytherins
gyaru lover: hey guys genuine question what does it feel like to have a crush
bitch: ask dazai he'd know.
gyaru lover: right... anyways like i would like to know what im feeling
bitch: um. what
gyaru lover: if you find someone attractive, does that mean you have a crush on them
bitch: DAMN youre emotionally stunted. might be worse than dazai
gyaru lover: ????
bitch: yeah weve gotten drunk on stolen butterbeer. hes CRAZY he just talks and talks.
second in command: You've gotten drunk together...?
bitch: hell yeah it was great
bitch: that shit was FIRE!!!
gyaru lover: im not sure i like that youre starting to talk like him because you two are close now
bitch: well hes not as bad when you get to know him... i guess....
second in command: ...Right. Draco, what is this about?
gyaru lover: im just asking
bitch: ugh
bitch: depends who it is i guess
gyaru lover: if i find dazai attractive do i have a crush on him
bitch: oh! um draco...
second in command: ?
gyaru lover: DUDE UM. IDK
bitch: draco. my dearest draco.
bitch: when you look at dazai do you go "man i want to kiss this guy soooo bad rn"
gyaru lover: no 😭😭
bitch: then thats your answer!! its normal to find your friends attractive
second in command: It's ok Draco. I find Dazai attractive too.
bitch: yeah i think both of you are attractive
bitch: dazai would be attractive but i cant bring myself to allow him the satisfaction of me saying that.
gyaru lover: ok then
bitch: also im PREETTY sure hes a little... taken with his whole little partner
second in command: You think they're dating?
bitch: nah but theyre definitely keeping smth from us
bitch: and dazai definitely likes that kid unless thats some elaborate joke of theirs
gyaru lover: with dazai i wouldnt even be surprised.
bitch: lowkey
bitch: GUYS THIS IS GOING TO SOUND OFF. ODD EVEN
bitch: something is off about that kid
second in command: What do you mean?
bitch: idk but something about him just screams trouble
bitch: its an odd feeling
gyaru lover: i mean ive never met him but he seems pretty cool
second in command: Dazai likes him, and I don't have an issue with him.
bitch: yeah me too just something feels off about him... he seems really cool though
gyaru lover: its probably just the fact that youve never met him and he doesnt go here and hes dazais friend, of all people
bitch: probably!!!
bitch: i should make a chat of all the people who find dazai attractive and not tell him that all these people find him attractive and then see if he can guess
gyaru lover: thats the dumbest idea ever
bitch: no its not
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bitch created a group chat.
bitch added dazai's husband (married to luka stan), luka stan (married to dazai's husband), second in command, and gyaru lover.
bitch named the chat dazai glazers.
dazai glazers
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): IM NOT SURE I LIKE THAT WE TALK THE SAME WAY NOW.
bitch: that sucks for u then
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): i am NOT a dazai glazer. i HATE dazai
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): is thisa group chat of people who think im sexy or something
bitch: ...
bitch: HOW THE FUCK
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): WAIT IM ACTUALLY RIGHT I WAS JOKING
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): LETS GOOO
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): wait. draco thinks im sexy?? THE draco malfoy??? 🤨🤨🤨
gyaru lover: SHES LYING
bitch: you literally told me you thought dazai was attractive like five seconds ago
gyaru lover: I DID NOT.
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): im so flattered
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): and blaise too!!! slytherins have such good taste
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): pansy idk where you got this information from but i do NOT think dazai is sexy.
bitch: yeah well he thinks youre sexy i assume
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): UMMMM WHAT HAHHAHA NO I DONT
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): ...
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): ...
gyaru lover: you guys are gay. i actually cannot believe this
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): NO WERE NOT
second in command: You act like it, to be honest.
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): I DONT ACT LIK
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): wait i literally do on purpose why am i freaking 💀💀💀
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): ok buddy.
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): my robes smell like cat food
bitch: what
gyaru lover: why.
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): BRUH IDK?? I DONT EVEN HAVE A CAT AND THE ONLY CAT IVE EVER SEEN NEAR ME IS IN FREAKING YOKOHAMA
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): am i getting sick.
second in command: Maybe you just think it smells like cat food, but it's something else.
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): WHAAT WOULD BE ON MY ROBES.
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): your owls shit
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): FUNNY...
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...
hell's hounds
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): SOMETHING JUST KNOCKED ON MT WINDOW??????/
luka stan (married to dazai's husband): thats me. CAN YOU LET ME IN ITS COLD.
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): oj
dazai's husband (married to luka stan): ya
bitch: WHAT
bitch: ITS 3AM?????
jokes and tricks #1: can we add a professor in here i want to see them go crazy at all the weird stuff we talk about in here
gyaru lover: thats the WORST idea youve ever had
dazai's husband (married to luka stan) changed luka stan's (married to dazai's husband) name to i sleep with french people
bitch: ....ok. you forgot to add in your marriage guys
bitch changed dazai's husband (married to luka stan)'s name to dazai's husband (married to i sleep with french people)
bitch changed i sleep with french people's name to i sleep with french people (married to dazai's husband)
second in command: You guys woke me up.
jokes and tricks #2: umm why are we being updated on whats happening through name changes
bitch: please dont put that image in my head thanks ❤️❤️❤️
jokes and tricks #2: yikes sorry!!
i sleep with french people (married to dazai's husband): the name is misleading were jamming out. also my name is too long i hate it
i sleep with french people (married to dazai's husband) changed their name to dazai (married to chibi)
dazai (married to chibi) changed dazai's husband (married to i sleep with french people)'s name to chibi (married to dazai)
chibi (married to dazai): wow.
chibi (married to dazai): anyways yeah... hes just in my bed. yk. 🤗🤗🤗🤗
bitch: that statement feels oddly directed to people in a certain chat
dazai's crush: excuse me? what do you mean by that? ❤️
bitch: NOTHING
dazai (married to chibi): wonder if the people cooking crack are here
jokes and tricks #2: dazai 😭😭
library dweller: Please don't do drugs.
i sleep with french people: im not trust im only doing dance moves
freaky rat owner: Oh
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...
work chat!!
dazai (married to chibi): hi! asking for a friend, are there any teachers up roaming the school right now!!! ^^
bitch: real discreet bud.
#1 nepotist (not really): Why.
dazai (married to chibi): no reason
dazai (married to chibi): it doesnt bother me!!
stalker: Who even is that you're married to. In your name.
dazai (married to chibi): @chibi (married to dazai)
dazai (married to chibi): duh
stalker: Interesting.
dazai (married to chibi): it wasnt me i swear
bitch: it was actually worse earlier. they actually slept together and his name was "i sleep with french people"
dazai (married to chibi): yep!!
dazai (married to chibi): WAIT WHAT THE FUCK BRO WE DIDNT SLEEP TOGETHER STOP ITTTTTTTTT
bitch: are you sleep deprived
dazai (married to chibi): INSANITY INSANITY QUIT THIS MADNESS
chibi (married to dazai): ew wtf.... homo....
dazai (married to chibi): right....
bitch: um???
dazai (married to chibi): i hate the homos......
bitch: right.... 😒
stalker: Can you all not. It's late. Also please watch your language.
dazai (married to chibi): ummmmmmm yep sorry!!11!
Read by stalker, bitch, #1 nepotist (not really), dazai (married to chibi)
hell's hounds
dazai (married to chibi): ok sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. just crashed a car were so up
bitch: what
gyaru lover: you did what???
dazai (married to chibi): crashed a car
chibi (married to dazai): we were listening to more more jump and dazai cant drive so that combination alone is deadly
second in command: What is more more jump?
chibi (married to dazai): idols
dazai (married to chibi): yeah!!!
dazai (married to chibi): img.moremorejump!
bitch: PINK HAIR???
dazai (married to chibi): my bias btw
gyaru lover: why does only one have a normal hair color
chibi (married to dazai): quit bullying more more jump guys their music is banger
dazai (married to chibi): RIIIIGHT
dazai (married to chibi): DAKARA MOTTO
chibi (married to dazai): ok weirdo...
dazai (married to chibi): ok.
second in command: Are you two alright?
dazai (married to chibi): couldnt be better
chibi (married to dazai): yeah it couldve been worse
chibi (married to dazai): i sprained my wrist buuuuuuuuut i fixed it
second in command: That's good.
library dweller: Why are you two even out in a car right now in the first place?
dazai (married to chibi): well hermione you see
dazai (married to chibi): when two people like each other very much, they want time alone
bitch: WHAT
gyaru lover: OK WHAT THE FUCK
chibi (married to dazai): WE WERENT DOING SHIT HES LYING
dazai (married to chibi): :(((
chibi (married to dazai): um. do u think thats gonna make me sad or smth ill shove you into this ditch were standing next to
dazai (married to chibi): WOAH RUDEEEEEEE
dazai (married to chibi): guys do u think if i messaged snape and told him to come get me he would
freaky rat owner: I think he'd kill you
dazai (married to chibi): right but i cant apparate!!!!
chibi (married to chibi): ok but i can....
dazai (married to chibi): wait ur so right
...
dazai (married to chibi): WERE SO UP im going to bed now
bitch: wow. arent you a problem solver
dazai (married to chibi): right!!! night guys!!!
second in command: Goodnight, Dazai.
Read by bitch, second in command, dazai (married to chibi)
hell's hounds
dazai (married to chibi): guys some girl just came up to me and asked me if i was interested in going out with her...
library dweller: That's nice!
dazai (married to chibi): ITS NOT
dazai (married to chibi): BC WHY HAVE LIKE 3 DIFFERENT GIRLS WANTED TO GO OUT WITH ME SINCE THAT NEWSPAPER ARTICLE DROPPED.
chibi (married to dazai) changed dazai (married to chibi)'s name to whore
whore: ... OK RUDE????
whore changed chibi (married to dazai)'s name to slut
slut: IM NOT A SLUT
whore: IM NOT A WHORE.
whore: wait actually
whore: nevermind
slut: THATS WHAT I THOUGHT.
jokes and tricks #2: real talk whats the difference between a slut and a whore
slut: a whore is someone who has sex with people for money or favors, a slut is someone who just sleeps around
jokes and tricks #1: dazai you have sex with people for money 💀😭
whore: no...
slut: lmfao
bitch: thats great...!
whore: right. anyways like aaactually why am i pulling do girls like bad boys or something
jokes and tricks #1: duhhh
whore: literally dying rn guys its onl ylike 8am and i have a headache
gyaru lover: maybe because you crashed a car last night
whore: wait ur so right lmfaooo
whore: ...
bitch: dazai used to be funny
whore: IM VERY FUNNY STILL WDYM??
bitch: no you actually used to make me laugh i just cant anymore
whore: maybe you have a personality disorder! hope this helps ❤️
bitch: ok then.
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work chat!!
slut: anyways did any of you see the newspaper this morning
whore: why did you switch gcs just to ask that
slut: i need better opinions than you guys
bitch: rude
second in command: I second.
slut: yall r dazai ass kissers
whore: i hate osamu dazai we should breed and see what our kids think
slut: THATS THE SECOND TIME. YOU GET THREE STRIKES
whore: IM JOOOKING.
#1 nepotist (not really): I don't enjoy reading The Daily Prophet.
slut: right how could i forget you guys are dazai ass kissers too.
slut: am i the only one who doesnt like dazai
library dweller: Probably!
whore: youre right
whore: you dont like me
slut: correct
whore: because you loooove me
slut: and so what if i do. 🤨
whore: AH
whore left the group chat.
slut: LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
bitch: UM??????
slut: LAUGJING SO HARD RN'
slut: hes so easy
slut: omg now that hes gone who wants to hear some embarrassing dazai stories
jokes and tricks #2: MEEEEE
slut: ok so one time we were walking down the road
slut: we have hounds, and a lot of stray dogs where we live
slut: so we had gotten dog food as a chore from dazais guardian
slut: and dazai doesnt like dogs all that much
slut: so he decided that when we came across a stray dog itd be a good idea to taunt it and then eat the dog food we had in front of it
gyaru lover: wtf 😭😭
slut: yeah.
jokes and tricks #1: how odd
jokes and tricks #1: in a kind way of course
slut: hes an odd specimen
slut: ANOOOOTHER TIME
slut: actuallt theres teachers in here i cant say this one
the doctor who doesn't make me uncomfortable (kind of): It's alright!!
slut: UMM NO ITS NOT???
slut: im thinking of family friendly ones
library dweller: Where did Dazai go?
bitch: he left because his crush flirted back with him 💔💔💔💔
freaky rat owner: Lol
slut: ohhhhhh one time he lost a bet to me and i made him walk up to random people at work and tell them that he loved them
#1 nepotist (not really): You two work together.
slut: ....um...............
slut: we do.........
stalker: Interesting.
slut: OK ISNT THAT FUCKING OMNIOUS. FUCK ALL OF YOU FREAKY WIZARDS BRO
second in command: What did the people say?
slut: oh they all were terrified because the words "i love you" have never come out of dazais mouth 💀💀
freaky rat owner: That's kind of sad
slut: AXCTUALLY THATS A LIE
slut: not the exact words but love and you were in the sentence
gyaru lover: what was the sentence...
slut: thats what makes me love you
bitch: close enough
whore joined the chat.
whore: i love having admin privledges
whore: ...
whore: WHY WERE YOU TELLING EMBARRASING STORIES ABOUT ME DIPSHIT.
slut: your attitude changes so fast its so lame
whore: QUIT HARASSING ME IM THE ONE WHO HARASSES YOU
slut: cry about it 🤷🤷
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The Save Dazai Club
#1 nepotist (not really): So there's more children in that environment.
the doctor who doesn't make me uncomfortable (kind of): Sadly, I guess. I wonder if there's any more.
#1 nepotist (not really): We know nothing about this student. We don't have a name, a picture, a school, or anything. All we know is that he is in the mafia with Dazai, and the two are close.
stalker: How lovely.
the doctor who doesn't make me uncomfortable (kind of): I wonder what we can do. Do you still meet with Dazai in your office every once in a while?
#1 nepotist (not really): Occasionally. I'm sure he would be fine hanging out there if I asked.
the doctor who doesn't make me uncomfortable (kind of): Maybe you can ask him about him?
#1 nepotist (not really): I'll ask him and see.
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DMS: #1 nepotist (not really) -> whore
#1 nepotist (not really): Hello Dazai, would you like to meet in my office and chat at some point?
whore: ....why though
#1 nepotist (not really): Just to see how you're doing.
whore: 🤨🤨🤨
whore: sure?
#1 nepotist (not really): Alright. Stop by whenever works best for you.
whore: okie dokie...
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