Tainted

Sirius stumbled back to his room in a haze. His body was screaming at him to stop and his vision was blurry through the tears but he kept moving. He entered his room, shutting the door gently behind him and collapsed onto the floor. Every muscle in his body was aching painfully. He stared down at his hands.

Sirius started to feel like he was being torn apart from the inside out. Like his blood had turned to acid and had started disintegrating his bones. The feeling grew more and more powerful and Sirius began to shake uncontrollably. He needed to get it out. He needed to get the blood out. It had destroyed everyone around him and now it was destroying him too.

The poison in him had corrupted him. It had hurt his friends. His chosen family. His moony. The one person in the world that Sirius thought he would never hurt. The one person Sirius had truly loved more than anything. Loving Remus was the easiest thing he had ever known. His love for Remus wasn’t complicated, it was pure and natural. He loved him like breathing. But Sirius had run out of air, and now he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe without his moony. And it was all his fault. It was the blood that ran through his veins. The blood that tainted everything he loved, like a drop of black ink in a glass of clear water.

And now it had corrupted his little brother too.

Sirius started to panic, the room was spinning and his breath was becoming increasingly shallow. He desperately tore off his shirt and started scratching at his skin like he was trying to tear it off. He needed to get it out. He suddenly got up and started frantically searching his room for anything sharp. Anything to free him of the poison that was running through his veins, the poison that was slowly killing every cell in his body, disintegrating his bones and melting his skin. The pain was unbearable and agonising. He needed to get it out.

In his state of panic Sirius failed to find anything sharp and let out a frustrated cry. He couldn’t breath. He needed to get it out. He quickly dragged himself over to his mirror and, using what little strength he had left, threw his fist into it. The mirror shattered, sharp shards of glass covered the floor. Sirius fell to his knees, ignoring the pain that shot through his legs when he landed on the shards. His violently shaking hands desperately clutched on the biggest piece he could find and he started cutting. He needed to get it out.

The cuts were not neat, they were ragged and desperate and deep. Lost in the haze Sirius continued cutting uncontrollably. He wasn’t scared by the amount of blood or by the pain. Anyone else might have been terrified but Sirius welcomed it. It felt like home.
He needed to get it out. He cut until he ran out of room. He cut on his arms and his chest and his stomach and by then he was too light headed to continue. He crumpled onto the floor, landing on even more glass but it didn’t hurt this time.

His breathing was slow now. He laid on his side and watched the blood slowly drain from his body. The pain stopped and Sirius sighed in relief. He got it out. He got the poison out. He was free. Sirius had never felt so happy.
—————-

When Regulus finally left the study he didn’t go to his room. He knew he wouldn’t sleep anyway. He was currently stood outside of Sirius’ door. He didn’t know how long he had been standing outside Sirius’ room but it felt like hours. He brought his hand up and knocked gently. Sirius definitely wouldn’t be sleeping, Regulus knew that, but there was still no response. He knocked again. And again.

Nothing.

Regulus knew he should give up and go back to his room but something was stopping him. Something in his head was screaming at him to go in. So he did.

Regulus doesn’t remember kneeling over his brothers bloodied body, tightly covering his mouth with his hands to muffle his screams and cries so he didn’t wake up his parents. He doesn’t remember hugging his brother’s body, mumbling incoherent words, begging and pleading to a god he doesn’t believe in. He doesn’t remember dragging Sirius’ body downstairs into his father’s study, leaving a trail of blood behind them. He doesn’t remember grabbing floo powder with his shaking hands, throwing it into the fireplace and practically collapsing into the emerald green flames with his brother hanging limply from his shoulder.
————-

It was three in the morning and James couldn’t sleep. He had gone downstairs to get a midnight snack when he heard a thump in the living room, followed by a scream. The sound was raw and full of emotion, like a wounded animal. James felt a shiver go down his spine and fear tangle in his gut. Despite knowing he probably shouldn’t, James ran into the living room as fast as he could. The colour drained from his face at the scene that greeted him.

Regulus was sobbing loudly and violently shaking as he desperately clung onto Sirius’ body. They were both covered in Sirius’ blood, which was still steadily flowing out of the thousands of cuts that littered his arms, stomach and chest. Sirius lay limply on the floor, his face was drained of colour. He looked dead. James froze. He just watched as Regulus continued to scream and sob loudly, begging for help, seemingly not even aware of his surroundings or the fact that James was stood right in front of him.

Snapping back into reality James collapsed to his knees in front of the black brothers, his eyes fixed on Sirius. Regulus was hugging his brother tightly, gripping onto him like a lifeline.

“Wha - what happened?” James stuttered too quietly for Regulus to hear over his cries.

“MUM!” James yelled. “DAD!”
He reached his hand out to touch Regulus’ shoulder as the boy hadn’t yet acknowledged James presence. James had barely touched him but Regulus still flinched back violently. His neck snapped upwards, making eye contact with James. James didn’t know Regulus well but the pure terror and helplessness reflected in the younger boys eyes broke James’ heart.

Suddenly Effie and Fleamont ran into the room, turning on the light, which only highlighted the sheer amount of blood that covered the floor and the two brothers.

James looked up at his parents. He hadn’t noticed the tears that were streaming down his face. Regulus continued wailing and sobbing, looking back down at Sirius. Effie immediately sprung into action kneeling down next to them. She gently reached towards Regulus but he flinched again, not even looking up this time and instinctively hugging Sirius’ body more tightly. Effie looked over at her son.

“What’s his name?” She asked. James looked back at her, his brain couldn’t quite comprehend what was going on and Regulus’ cries were drowning out his own thoughts.

“What?” He asked, looking back at his mum.

“His name sweetie, what’s his name?” She said again in a firm yet gentle voice, slightly raised so that James could hear her over Regulus. It took James a second to understand what she was asking him.

“Regulus” He replied. Her attention immediately focused back on Regulus.

“Regulus” she yelled slightly and he flinched again but hearing his name seemed to bring him back to reality slightly. He looked up at Effie.

“Regulus, honey I need to see Sirius” at her words Regulus gripped his brother tighter.
“It’s okay sweetie you’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you. My name is Effie, I’m James mum” she explained, her voice soothing and careful. “I know Sirius well. He is in safe hands here I promise, you came to the right place. I need to see him. Okay?” Regulus had stopped screaming but small sobs still racked his body. He looked Effie up and down. He was still shaking uncontrollably and his breath came out short and ragged. After a second of consideration he loosened his iron grip on Sirius and gently laid him on the ground.

James gasped and covered his mouth at the state of Sirius. Just then Fleamont came running in with his and Effie’s wands as well as a muggle first aid kit.

“You boys go upstairs we’ve got this” James looked over at his father, who was now knelt down with them. Effie grabbed her wand and started working on stopping the blood.

“What? No dad -“

“James” Fleamont said in a stern voice, he looked at his son and jerked his head in Regulus’ direction. James looked over at Regulus. He was still violently shaking and sobbing. He was looking at Sirius intensely. His clothes were wet with blood and his breathing was still way too fast. James looked back at his dad. Fleamont gave him a sympathetic look and a reassuring smile.

“We’ve got this” he repeated. James knew what his dad was trying to tell him, ‘we’ve got this, you take care of that’.