james fucking potter
regulus
days in regulus' life pass in blurs.
today was day 73 of having not left his apartment since, well, then.
then was what regulus told his therapist when the constant fear of what would happen when he left the house began.
the official term was agoraphobia, but to regulus the feeling didn't really have a name, it couldn't be classified or put into a box.
of course medically this was incorrect, and regulus was reminded of this whenever he saw his medication bottles lining his counter.
he began painting the bottles with landscape-esc designs.
his personal favorite was the rendition of starry night on a bottle that took residence decorating one of his many bookshelves.
sirius was probably his most frequent visitor, coming only a bit before evan and barty.
pandora had gotten pregnant a month before regulus’ whole thing started, which was why she didn't visit as often anymore, but there were certainly an abundance of calls from her and dorcas, who was traveling the world with her girlfriend, marlene.
tomorrow sirius would be bringing regulus groceries, so he was clearing out the pantry of things from sirius' last trip from the supermarket he didn't eat.
regulus knew he needed to start eating more, he knew he was ghostly thin, but a lot of times he got in his head about all the things that have touched his groceries or food from the outside world.
he usually just hid his thin body underneath shapeless baggy clothing.
the rotten fruit was first to go, then the bread, then the vegetables, then the meat.
after he was done throwing out practically everything in his kitchen, he walked over to his window and threw the garbage bag into the dumpster directly below it. regulus was endlessly thankful to whoever made that executive decision.
once he was done with his purge, he sat on the couch and turned on the show he was currently watching, which he couldn't tell you the name of but could tell you he only watched it for one particular conventionally attractive man in it.
once his episode concluded he got up and made himself dinner, which consisted of water and a cup of soup, and finished another episode.
by then it was 7, so regulus concluded his very boring weekend by making a martini and drinking it in the bath while he read.
the only time regulus ever desired to leave this secluded apartment was when it was summer and he wanted to go to the beach.
he and sirius used to sneak out together to go all the time, and regulus still has bags full of seashells and sea glass they've collected together over the years.
he organizes them and sorts them into groups weekly, every assortment different from the last with a different organizational prompt.
he now only takes baths rather than showers to try and emulate the feeling of being in the ocean.
if he closes his eyes for a second it really feels the same until his cat comes into the bathroom.
“I already fed you, noir, you're not getting any more food.”
the cat brushes up on his hand that hangs over the edge of the tub.
“fine, fine, I'll be out in a second.”
regulus gets out and wraps his towel around his waist and noir momentarily rubs against his leg before realizing he's wet.
the tub drains slowly and regulus gives into the fluffball and puts more food into his bowl before making his way back to the bathroom.
he does his skin and hair care, one of the only things he keeps up to look somewhat presentable.
he doesn't like what he sees in the mirror but it's okay cause this isn't regulus, this is someone else with sunken cheekbones and visible ribs.
he can go back to old regulus anytime he wants, he'll go to the beach soon, maybe next week. just not this week. old regulus was tiring to keep up with so he stopped keeping up with him.
but soon he'll be back to old regulus, he'll be at the beach soon.
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james
james hadn't been loved or loved someone in over two years.
he and lily had mutually broken up two and a half years before, and james didn't blame her at all for what he was feeling.
it wasn't like he hadn't been with anyone in two years, he frequently brought home people from bars and set up dates with people from charity events.
he fucked people hard, he fucked people like they were the living reincarnation of all his relationship problems.
he liked seeing people limp out of his apartment, it made him feel accomplished, like he had left some little reminder that he was a fully functional person that could love someone perfectly fine.
when people spent the night, it made james giddy with excitement. he cooked breakfast if the person wanted it, and was glad when they took seconds.
but the excitement would eventually wear off when they left, leaving james to do dishes alone.
he longed for a call back, always left his phone on “sound” rather than “vibrate” the days after a date turned-hookup.
in two years, james hadn't gotten a call back.
it was fine though, james knew he would find his person.
when he was younger his mother would always tell him he was “made to love”, which james understood much better as he had gotten older.
it hurt him a lot though, james could feel the love overflowing and seeping out of him anytime he put his number in a person's phone or watched someone leave his apartment without a “i'll text you about the second date”.
it was fine though, one day he would find someone to put his love into.
then maybe he could finally feel the balance in his body he had been chasing all his life.
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regulus
regulus wakes up at around 9 to noir purring on top of his chest.
“jesus, noir, i'm suffocating, i'll feed you in a bit.”
the cat happily darts off his chest and into the kitchen, where he will no doubt be waiting for his meal.
he takes his phone and water bottle to the kitchen with him, and shuffles out of bed to fulfill the needs of the creature residing in his residence.
as he places the bowl of certainly over-priced-but-very-sustainable cat food down, his phone rings from the counter.
“reggie! how are you?”, sirius’ voice booms from the speaker.
“just woke up.”
“great! you up for today?”
sometimes regulus doesn't feel comfortable with sirius coming over to deliver his groceries because he feels like he'll be scolded for something he could be doing better (which was not because of walburga as his therapist liked to tell him (ok maybe a bit)).
“sure, how's the company thing going?”
quite frankly, regulus had forgotten what their company was doing, something with green energy he thinks.
“it's going well, but they moved the meetings to wednesday, so, please don't freak out about this, I was wondering if it would be okay for james to drop off your stuff instead of me today?”
regulus took a deep breath and tried to justify this no doubt out of routine inconvenience.
where did he start? james potter. stupid fucking james potter.
james potter, his brother's annoyingly perfect funny and considerate bestfriend who wished him happy birthdays on instagram even if they had only met twice.
once had been when james picked sirius up one summer to stay with him for a week, and the other being when regulus called him hysterically crying, begging him to take sirius because if they didn't their parents would do something bad.
regulus hadn't needed to elaborate, james knew something had happened. the “something bad” being possibly killing him for the polaroid of him kissing one of their business partners son's.
their parents had left after sirius' severe beating, but had claimed they would “finish with him once they got home”.
james had shown up in 7 minutes, and regulus didn't care to mention that it took 15 to get to their house.
regulus also didn't care that he was still hysterically crying infront of james, handing him a bag stuffed full of some of sirius’ favorite things that regulus had packed.
he let james into the house and helped him carry sirius, who was beaten and bloody and passed out, into james’ car.
he can still recall the smell of the pine air freshener hanging from the window and the irony smell of sirius’ blood filling his nostrols from hunching over his brother and crying after their parents had left for a fucking dinner party.
“james p-please take him to a hospital, I can p-pay you back just you need to take him, he can't stay here.”
the "or else they'll kill him" was left unsaid from regulus but he knew james understood.
what james said next would make regulus toss and turn in his bed for the next several years.
“come with us.”
“no, james, stop it.”
“please regulus, don't make me leave you here.”
“you k-know I can't james.”
regulus sniffled and looked over at sirius one more time.
“can you give him this when he wakes up?”
the folded piece of paper he handed james was scribbled out on a post it with a couple tears blotching the ink.
I love you sirius and i'm sorry I couldn't be brave for you. please forgive me for all I couldn't do.
regulus
james stuffed the note in his pocket and looked at regulus a final time.
“if you change your mind please call or text or write and even if you can't just come anyway.”
“th-thank you james, he'll be best with you.”
to regulus' surprise, james reached out and
wiped a tear from his eye.
“it'll be okay regulus, it won't be like this forever.”
with that, james got in his car, propped sirius’ head up with a neck pillow, and drove away.
regulus exhaled and opened his eyes.
“sure sirius, it's fine.”
“great! he'll be over at 1:00.”
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