beach-life-in-death

12:00 came and regulus had completed his novel and finished watching his show.

he went to his letterbox and wrote a quick review before turning off his tv and pulling noir up to nap with him on the couch.

“c'mere.”

the cat purred and settled next to regulus, who had turned off the lights and set an alarm.

he fell asleep to the cat's purrs and woke up back in his childhood home.

the meal infront him told him exactly what he needed to know- this was the day sirius had left.

mother had hated the kind of porkchop they were eating and fired a new cook for getting the wrong kind.

she had been waiting for her new meal while he, sirius and their father chose to just eat what was in front of them rather than cause more hassle for their staff.

it was a completely normal day, infact a little better than usual as their mother had allowed both of them to go out.

“sirius.”

“yes, mother?”

“would you care to explain the picture I found in your room today?”

sirius pushed some of his food around on his plate. he would later explain to regulus that he had known she found it, but didn't want to admit to her what he had been doing in the aforementioned picture.

“i'm not sure what you're talking about.”

with that, their mother jumped up from her seat and turned to scream at the cooks.

“GET OUT!”, she roared and pointed to the door to add effect.

quickly, not wanting to test the infamous walburga black's temper, they packed away their knives and things and got out of the house in under a minute.

“sirius orion black, I will not ask you again, what were you doing in that photograph?”

sirius dropped his fork and knife on his plate and looked directly at her.

“what would you like me to say, mother? sorry? cause i'm not, and quite frankly I do not give a flying fuck about what you think of the people I take pictures with.”

regulus knew something bad would happen, and regulus guessed what sirius had been doing with whomever was in the picture.

walburga got up and quickly strode over to sirius, ignoring her husband's attempt to calm her.

“sirius orion black you are a disgrace to the noble house of black”, she finished her sentence by giving sirius a slap to the face, which now had a cut on it from one of her rings.

“to think, after all these years of uselessness, i've given you a roof over your head, put food on the table for you and given you the clothes on you're disgusting body.”

regulus caught his brother's eye, and for the first time in his life saw complete terror at the hands of their mother.

sirius was always the brave one, he always tried to take regulus’ beatings from him and distracted their mother so she would hopefully forget about berating regulus.

regulus had always been the weak one, he never tried to take sirius’ beatings for him, never tried to dilute their mother's rage.

regulus was frozen, he couldn't do anything but watch as their mother brought her cane over and over on sirius' body that had fallen to the floor.

sirius let out a whimper that brought regulus back to reality and he jumped up from his chair and attempted to grab their mother’s cane before she brought it down again on sirius.

unlike what had actually happened that night, regulus was successful in wrestling the cane out of walburga’s arthritis riddled-hands.

sirius was still passed out and their father just stood there watching his wife.

“now now, regulus, we wouldn't want to act all superior. we all know what a filthy boy you are, just like your disgusting brother.”

regulus froze and watched his mother's face contort into a chilling smile.

before orion could stop her, walburga had grabbed a steak knife that was on the table and lunged at regulus with it.

she pushed him against the wall and the second the knife met his chest, regulus woke up sobbing.

noir was meowing unhappily and regulus curled up on himself, unable to stop the tears streaming down his face.

he sobbed and shook and cursed his mother to the hell he hoped she was already in.

this was all her fault, anytime regulus went out in public we would see the god-awful women who birthed him and his brother.

he would see walburga with blood on her rings at the supermarket or smell her perfume at a bookstore.

that's the real reason regulus black never left the house, because he was safe in his apartment where walburga black couldn't reach him.

74 days ago was regulus' last attempt of keeping himself together by trying to go to the beach which always calmed him.

instead of finding peace in the flow of the waves regulus saw his mother standing in the ocean with sirius’ blood all over her hands.

he broke down in the car and hit the dashboard until his hands were bruised.

his therapist told him he was having grief hallucinations, which regulus couldn't explain why they had been going on for so long.

he tried to tell her that he didn't miss his mother at all and it wouldn't make sense that he was seeing her, but she explained to him that he missed an apology, not his mother herself.

regulus knew she was right, regulus would have dreams that she hugged him and told him how wrong she was to treat him and sirius like that and he would always hug her back until she usually stuck a knife in his back or chest.

it was useless to live life with her in it after he tried so hard to get her out of it, so he didn't.

he stopped the root of the problem- outside.

if he didn't go outside he wouldn't see her, which meant his life would be so much easier.

sirius didn't have anything like that which was yet another reminder that sirius had always overcame hardships while regulus succumbed to the shitty life he was given.

confined to the walls of his apartment felt a lot better than seeing her even for a second outside.

the knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts.

fuck, he had forgotten about james.

he wipes the tears and gets up quickly. at least he didn't cry long enough for his nose to turn red.

when he opens the door he's 14 again meeting his brother's bestfriend.

james physically doesn't look any different from his instagram (which regulus does not stalk) but somehow his smile is even bigger in person.

“regulus! it's been so long! how have you been?”

regulus was fucked.

__________

james

when james opens the door the smell of sea salt floods his senses.

“regulus it's been so long! how have you been?”

“oh good enough given I haven't left my apartment in 2 months. take your shoes off and leave them outside.”

“never missed the attitude.”

in truth anytime james saw anyone at a bar who spoke like regulus he felt compelled to take them home.

sirius teased him about this for all of 2 minutes until deciding he actually wanted to murder james cause “you are fetishizing my baby brother!”

james hasn't seen regulus since they were 17 and 18 respectively, but they had interacted through sirius numerous times.

regulus didn't do parties so he was never at sirius’ birthday celebrations but james knew they did their own thing separately.

many times when james and sirius would be on facetime when regulus lived with sirius, regulus would chime in with his own comments and they would turn it into a 3 way conversation.

seeing regulus now is a bit different than what james expected.

regulus didn't have the same gleam he used too, there wasn't any wit hiding inside his eyes that were now accompanied with dark circles.

james could tell he was thin through the enormous shirt he was wearing and he wondered what had changed.

“thanks for doing this, I appreciate it.”

james tried to hide his smile at the sentence and he failed miserably.

“oh it's really no big deal, i'm glad that the company is advancing.”

“god I don't even know anything that's going on with the stupid fucking company, my mother would be rolling in her grave if she saw me now.”

“well i'm sure she'd be rolling in her grave at whatever you do so I wouldn't hold it to heart.”

regulus scoffs and begins unpacking his groceries.

“forgot how nice you were.”

“not nice, just honest.”

james begins to help him unload his food and regulus can't hold back the visible wince when he sees the week's worth of food.

“what's wrong?”

“I hate food.”

“why?”

“it's gross and contaminated.”

“can I make you something? all the gross and contaminated shit will be incinerated.”

james is giddy at the thought of cooking someone a meal. who hadn't slept with him. just an everyday interaction.

regulus bites his lip and looks at his food before staring at the stove.

“sure.”

__________

james decided to make yellow rice with chicken curry. it's simple enough and regulus has all the things for it.

regulus had explained it was the only thing from effie that sirius couldn't fuck up and he made it for them when regulus lived with sirius.

halfway through cooking a cat jumps up on the island and james shrieks.

“FUCKING CHRIST!”

“what happened?”

a comical meow escapes the cat as it attempts to rub itself against james.

upon seeing this, regulus bursts out laughing and doubles over the couch.

“potter you shrieked like a bloody girl over a cat?! what happened to football captain james the so-called great?”

“as much as you love to say, I did not peak in highschool, regulus.”

maybe regulus is right. at least he had a girlfriend in highschool.

“whatever you say, how's my lunch going?”

regulus peers into the pan and james ushers him away.

“i’m gonna burn it if you keep distracting me.”

“and I thought sirius was the bad chef.”

“hey! I am a great chef, i'll have you know. infact, you don't know anything about my cooking agenda.”

“well potter, maybe you should show me with your so clearly prided lunch, i'll be waiting on the couch.”

with that, regulus turns on his heel and walks back to the living room, leaving james to finish cooking with the cat taking a nap on the island.

___________

lunch with regulus was actually really nice.

james was shocked at how un-awkward it was given they haven't had a proper conversation in over a year. but james might be holding that to morning after hookup standards.

“so what's been going on with you?”

in the past two years, james had to get over his parent's unexpected passings (car accident), sign onto his dad's company, get into a shit ton of work, and accepting he wasn't made for a relationship.

james thinks he just expected too much from people, wanted the adrenaline and strategy that came with going into a relationship.

wanted the chase, the labyrinth search of winding mysterys incompasing someone who he could come home to at night.

wants the answer to the question of who he is, but can't figure that out by himself.

“um, nothing much, company is doing ok, I guess.”

“I saw your interview, i’d say that's a bit better than ok.”

“oh that was embarrassing, I hated it. they kept asking me weird perverted questions rather than what the actual fucking interview was supposed to be about.”

“and what was that?”

“making sure everyone could find something with our products. no matter race or texture or anything, there's something for every type of hair problem and I think that's what they should have been focusing on, not what I liked in the bedroom.”

“that's fair. to think james potter is part of a fucking hair product empire and till can't tame his own”

regulus reaches out to try and flatten some of his hair and james frowns.

“i'm not surprised to see you haven't changed a bit.”

“and what is so similar about me?”

“attitude, intolerance for my luscious hair.”

“we'll talk about luscious when you learn how to maintain it.”

“you’re just jealous, not everyone can have hair like this.”

“i’ll give you that, never seen someone with such unruly hair.”

“i'll take that as an “I win.”

“in your dreams potter.”

regulus gets up to presumably bring the plates to the kitchen, but james strangely feels the urge to pull his arm back so he doesn't leave.

he doesn't, and tries to settle onto the couch casually.

regulus seems to notice this shift and pipes up from the kitchen.

“you look like you just saw a ghost, potter.”

“just your face.”

“I would take that to offense if I didn't know you were lying.”

“i'm not lying reg, you just happen to see the worst in people.”

“sure, but are you okay before you piss my couch like a under-trained dog?”

“fine, i'm good. I should probably get going anyway.”

“oh, ok, don't forget your shoes on the way out.”

james laughs and gets up, stretching his limbs and cracking his back on the way to the door.

“i'll always miss that sarcasm.”

“I presume i'll be seeing you next week.”

“yeah, text me if there's anything you need.”

“oh i'll be sure to text you when I don't want to get up from the couch.”

“no problemo, see you next week reg.”

“goodbye james.”

james shuts the door to regulus’ apartment before putting on his shoes and getting into the elevator.

james was fucked.

___________