Jump
Saturday, September 20th
Remus scratched out another letter and wrapped it up into a paper ball. It was early in the morning— the sun was barely rising.
The full moon was tonight, so he felt like shit and probably would for the rest of the day. A selfish part of him wished that his friends would wake up and bring him food all day like they usually did.
But it was a hogsmeade weekend. Which meant that Remus had a whole day of walking ahead of him.
And Sirius— well, he had a date.
***
“You’re hip okay, Moons?” Sirius asked as he trotted up the hill awkwardly.
“Yeah,” Remus snapped back. “My hip is fine”
“Just asking”
“Fuck off”
“Back off moony” James placed his hand on his shoulder. “We know it’s your whole time of the-“
“I will eat you”
“Okay then”
Remus would be in a bad mood anyways. He liked that Sirius was dressed up, in his black muggle jeans— that Sirius had drawn a stars on the cuffs of, as he always did when he was bored in class, and the leather jacket that he was wearing was a bit too big for him. Still he felt like Sirius was driving him crazy, every time he smiled Remus wanted to melt.
But that’s not socially acceptable… blah blah blah.
The girl that Sirius had a date with was a hufflepuff named Amoretta Jones.
She was beautiful, with her long brown hair and green eyes. Her smile was sweet and all Remus ever saw her do was read. Sirius— with his zero self preservation —actually tapped her on the shoulder in the library to ask her out. She rolled her eyes and said yes with a laugh.
She was so perfect.
Remus fucking hated her.
He hated everything about her. And he barely knew why. He wanted to watch that girl get thrown into a volcano in front of her weeping mother.
Jesus Christ, I miss Grant.
“Hey” Remus pushed four galleons into Sirius’s hand. “Get me some chocolate will ya? I have something to do”
“Don’t bother Lupin” he gave Remus his galleons back. “My treat I’ll grab you some cigs too”
“You better” Remus split off from his friends and turned the corner behind the main street, where the muggle pay phone was. He shoved some coins into the slot and punched the numbers in. Tapping his feet as he listened to it ring.
“‘Ello?”
“Hey, Grant, it’s me”
“How you doing, love?”
“Good… I have a question for you.”
“Shoot”
“How did you… how did you know that I would… how did you know that I liked boys. Why did you kiss me?”
“Oh no”
“Shuddup!”
“Oh you’ve fallen for one of those posh boys ‘aven’t you!?”
“No- I- that’s not-“
“Well spit out a name!”
“It’s not that simple… he’s really straight. Actually on a date with a girl right now.”
“Who is it?”
“It’s…” Remus put his head down and shook it. “You know my friend Sirius? It’s him”
“Oh no.”
“stop!” Remus couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re not making me feel better!”
“What— he’s curly black hair, right?”
Remus scowled, he’d shown Grant a few photos of the marauders, including a very nice one of Sirius looking up from his homework to smile at something out of frame. It was Remus who he had been smiling at.
“Yeah”
“Oh, not my type, but cute”
“That’s not the point” Remus gave the box a frustrated shake. “How do I get over this?”
“How much do you fancy him?”
“Most of the time it’s just that I think he’s hot, which is bad enough in itself, but sometimes he smiles at me and I just feel like I’m going to collapse.” He looked around for anyone close in earshot. “But he’s also so annoying and he says the dumbest shit and I just want him to shut up. But I also don’t ever want him to stop talking because- oh my god his voice-“
“You’re so fucked”
“I know!” Remus groaned. “And I don’t have any fucking cigarettes!”
“Well I can’t help you with that. But boys aren’t that complicated, why don’t you just make a move, something small that he’ll get if he wants or forget if he doesn’t”
“No, no, no,— how do I get over him? Taking a risk is not an option”
“Why”
Remus paused, and thought for a moment. “He’s too important”
“Okay. Then just go find another boy to snog”
“There aren’t any boys who want to snog me” he laughed, though the sentence was a bit depressing.
“You’re too hard on yourself, Remus. always ‘ave been”
“Thanks, but that doesn’t quite solve my problem”
“Notin’ you can do but wait it out.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
***
It annoyed Sirius to no end that Remus would randomly run off during hogsmeade weekends, particularly because he never told Sirius where he was going. He also found it annoying that he cared so much about it.
It wasn’t his business.
As Remus would say, he was being a nosey little git.
On top of that, the full moon was tonight, and the other three marauders needed to get Remus in a good mood before then.
“Where you meeting her, eh?” James said.
“What?” Sirius tilted his head. “Oh… the three broom sticks, why?”
Peter made a disgusted noise. “That means we need to-“
“Oi, Black!”
Sirius snapped his head back around.
Fucking snivilus.
“Yes Greasy Mcspider-looking-little-bitch?”
James laughed at that comment, which Snape scowled.
“Pretty rich for you to say, you’re going out with a muggle born” he spat on the floor next to his shoe.
Oh, that’s what he is on about?
“Yeah,” Sirius made a fake sympathetic look. “You jealous? Since it looks like you really can’t get carrot top Evan’s to go out with you, can you?”
His friends behind him snicked. He stepped back and slammed down on one of their feet. “Please, I would never go out with a filthy girl like her”
Both James and Peter stepped forward towards him, Sirius stopped them.
“Oh yeah, like you could ever date her, cause that “filthy girl” has standards higher than an earthworm with an abnormally large nose”
“Says you, you’re friends with boy’s like Lupin” he shouted.
Sirius’s back went rigid. “What the fuck do you have to say about him huh? You’re just mad because he’s friends with Lily and you’re not.”
“Come on Black, you know that you shouldn’t be hanging out with that boy, all three of you know it”
“Please goeth and fuckest thyself so I can go on my date” he snapped.
“but you’re a poof just like Lupin the filthy little-“
Sirius punched him, and the immediately regretted it. Not because it didn’t feel good.
Quite frankly it felt fucking great.
But because he hated hitting other people, he hated people resulting to hitting each other. He thought that it was stupid and dirty, after all that time he’d spent in his house being hit over and over again. it was wrong, he knew that.
So why did he punch Snape?
He didn’t have time to think about it, nor did Snape have time to punch back before a loud crack filled the the air and everything went black.
***
Regulus knew it was going to happen, he knew that something was wrong from the moment he saw Lucius Malfoy in the middle of Flourish and blotts.
He knew from the moment he saw a passive look on his face as a (very clearly) muggle born girl asked him where she might find the updated version of hogwarts: a history. He smiled and gestured to the right.
Regulus caught his attention. He gave him the dignified look he always did, as if he were better than Regulus.
“Regulus”
“Lucius” Regulus decided to give him the same look back. He was the heir to the most noble and ancient house of Black, after all. He was better than him. “Did my mother send you here”
He stepped forward towards Regulus. “No, actually, my wife did”
“What does Narcissa want?”
Narcissa was always his favorite cousin, they’d been close since they were young. But Lucius Malfoy seemed to change that. Lucius hated him, he always had, but he’d never admit it. Narcissa would do anything to appease this man. Not for love, or fear, but for her family. Things like this, people like this, made him hate his family. But he loved them, he did, because they loved him. Most of his life he felt like they’d be the only people who ever would.
“Not everything is about you Regulus”
“What are you doing here then?”
“don’t you know?”
“Spit it out, Malfoy”
“Why if you don’t know, maybe you’re not supposed to” he shrugged and started past Regulus, his cane tapped on the floor. He turned in front of the exit. “I’d just suggest you keep away from the three broomsticks, alright?” He turned the corner.
Fuck.
No, no, no-
He rushed out the fort and pulled Lucius’s cane from behind him and smack him hard with it. Untimely pushing his back with the cane pressed again his chest. “You stop them right now you evil son of a-“
“Stop who?” He tilted his head coyly.
Regulus’s heart raced as he smacked him hard in the head with the cane.
Before Malfoy could retaliate, he dropped the cane and stared running.
Barty, Pandora, Dorcas, and Even were at the three broomsticks. Whatever was about to go down, he had to get them away from it, or he at least had to try. This is fucking evil. Regulus though. He knew that, he really did. But he also didn’t say anything, he needed to get his friends out, that was all. He couldn’t say anything either, because of every word he’d spoken ill of the people under this attack. Maybe some of it was for self preservation. But regulus was still a blood purest.
He should be proud of that, but how can he be?
He almost didn’t care that he looked like an idiot while running. He slipped the corner to see his brother, with his friends behind him as he shouted at Snape. Then his brother hit Snape hard on the nose. Then he saw the men in black suits and silver masks come out of the back of the restaurant through the windows.
Oh Sirius you fucking idiot. I can’t save you.
He wanted to scream his name, and tell him to run, to get out. But before he could scream at them— at anyone —to get out of the way, a flash of green light fired and he was falling to the ground.
Everything goes black, like falling asleep.
***
Remus heard it before he saw it.
Before he saw smoke rising from above the streets, before he heard screaming and shouting.
Then even more concerningly— silence.
So he started running, running as fast as he could right into smoke a debris, as fast as he could into the hornets nest. Be he couldn’t care less.
Where’s James? Were they already here?
He tried to get his thoughts in order but it was all overcome by one.
Sirius.
The building of the three broomsticks itself seemed fine. But Remus paused before turning the corner.
People in black suits and silver masks came out of the restaurant, holding their wands high up to the sky.
One of them in particular jutted his wand upwards and light green mist floated out the end of it, rising high in the sky to create a skull figure with a snake moving out of its mouth.
Well that looks bad.
He planted himself against the wall, many people were knocked out, but none look hurt. Was it a sleeping curse? Or something worse….
The men in black suits appeared out of the alley with a crack. Remus looked over his shoulder consciously.
But the moment they were gone he turned into the street and looked around. “Sirius? Sirius!?” He shouted.
“Over here!”
Holy shit. Remus looked into the windows of the restaurant, people were slowly waking up.
It must’ve just been a sleeping curse, a quick one at that.
James, Peter, and Sirius were sitting in the middle of the street, in front of a gang of Slytherin boys.
James pulled himself to his feet. “What the hell is that thing?” He pointed to the mark in the sky. “Who were those people… who set of the… you know what I mean”
“I don’t know”
Sirius pulled Peter up by the arm, pressed his palm to a bruise on his forehead. He looked up at the sky and shook his head. “They’re blood supremacists, I knew a boy who had the same mark on his arm. One of my cousins. They must’ve done this to make a statement” Sirius spit on the ground. “Disgusting”
“No one got hurt, right?” Peter said.
“I don’t think so, I only heard it happen- I-I- didn’t-
Sirius shirked and placed his hands on his head, fear that made him look as though he were on the brink of crying crossed his face.
“What’s wrong-“ then Remus felt it too. a sharp ringing in his ear, slowly becoming more and more coherent.
For one moment now.
Forever next time.
Comply.
Then it stopped. Sirius was shaking, “they’re using legilimency. I thought I’d learned to block it but-but-“ his breathing quickened.
“Sirius?” James placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah. I’m fine”
“Alright everyone!” Madam Rosemertta came out of the three broomsticks, covered in dust. “I think all of you ought to be going!” She announced.
***
The kids were ushered out as soon as possible, whispering about what had happened. Most had very hazy memory of it, except for those who weren’t there when the actual spell was cast. Like Remus.
Sirius locked himself in their bathroom for about an hour until after they got back. He didn’t hear any noise, but he assumed something bad was happening.
James and Peter took turned knocking on the door, asking if he was okay. Remus didn’t do it because he felt like if he did it that would be weird. He was also terrible at cheering people up. Except for some boys who could be cheered up with a blowjob. That he could do.
So he sat there watching them, silently begging that Sirius would open the door.
“Can moony come talk to you at least?”
Remus gestured at James to stop by swiping his hand by his neck. James wagged his finger at him.
The door unlocked slowly. “Okay” Sirius whispered
“Seriously!?” Remus got up and poked his head around. Siris was just barely visible through a crack in the door.
“Yeah. You can come in” Sirius opened the door a little wider and Remus slipped in.
For a moment, neither of them said anything, it was just the two of them sitting on the bathroom floor in silence. Sirius eyes were puffy and red. He didn’t cry often, so this made Remus nervous. But he still somehow looked hot, even with a bruise on his forehead and his face sticky from crying.
“Do you wanna smoke?” Remus asked.
“I want to get really shitfaced actually” Sirius gave a frail laugh. “Sorry for being so dramatic, in sure James was absolutely losing his his mind out there”
“Why did you lock yourself in here?”
“Well I’ve been vomiting and crying for probably about an hour straight” he shrugged as if it didn’t mean anything.
“Why?”
“My mom used to… when she wanted to know something she would use legilimency on me. It’s… terrifying.” Sirius’s breath quickened, and his hands shook as he grabbed the edge of the tub. Remus did this too when he was upset, as if he felt that if something wasn’t literally holding him down he would simply disappear. He wanted to reach out to Sirius, but he couldn’t.
“You’re okay-“
“It’s like what happened at the three broomsticks but instead of just saying things they’re looking inside you’re head- it’s like- it’s like-“
“Okay” Remus stopped him. “I think you need to take a deep breath”
“I’m fine really-“
“Sirius, put your hand on your neck like this” remus placed his two fingers on his neck and watched as Sirius awkwardly mirrored him. Remus stayed quiet for a moment, “you can hear the sound of your own heartbeat, right?”
“Yeah”
“It’s nice isn’t its it?” Remus whispered.
Sirius nodded. Then gave a frail laugh. “Yeah, I’m so sorry-“
“You don’t have to be sorry” Remus leaned back onto the bathtub. “I can’t tell you that everything is going to be fine, but what I can tell you is that you’ll be okay if it’s not. I can tell you that you’re going to make it out of this and one day- one day you’ll be free.” he smiled at Sirius.
“Thank you, I—I thought I was going to be sick”
“I used to get sick before every moon. Still do sometimes, when I’m stuck in a closet during the summers. It’s a terrible thing— knowing something awful is about to happen, but having no way to stop it” He faced Sirius. “You know that better than anyone”
He threw his head back and let out a long breath. “How do you bear it?”
“After eleven years, you get pretty used to it. I know that this isn’t going to go away. But you? You’ll be free of your family soon enough.”
“One day things will be better for both of us”
“Yeah” Remus smiled at the boy next to him. “One day”
***
An hour and a half later Frank Longbottom knocked on their door and told Sirius that Mcgongal wanted to talk to him.
“Okay” Sirius had whispered and followed Frank out. Remus worried a bit too much. Sirius could take care of himself, he was smart and knew how to defend himself and his actions. But still, Remus wished he knew why Sirius got pulled.
An hour passed maybe more, Sirius came back and slammed the door shut.
“Are you okay?” James asked gingerly.
“I have detention til December. December!” He groaned and plopped down on his bed.
“What’d you do?” Remus shut his book and watch as Sirius moved a pillow out of his face.
“Accidentally told Minnie to fuck off”
Peter gasped. “Are you thick in the head?”
“She, ugh!” Sirius flipped over and threw a pillow over his face. “She asked me if I knew anything about the attack at hogsmead”
They all went silent for a moment, as if one of them wanted to ask if he did, but they wanted the other to do it so they didn’t look like an asshole.
“Well that’s stupid” Remus broke the silence. “They should be asking your brother that”
“Oi!” James threw a pillow at him. “That’s his brother”
“It’s fine” Sirius shrugged, “he’s a pig anyway”
Remus watched as he pulled his sleeve down farther to cover his tattoo. He couldn’t imagine how bad that must hurt to have in moments like this.
“Does he… do you think he knew?” James asked.
Sirius nodded slowly. “Lucius Malfoy was arrested an hour ago. Regulus and him… Regulus hated him when he first married Narcissa, but something changed and they got… closer. I- I don’t know. Just- can we please not talk about this”
“Yeah no of course.” James smiled loosely.
“But I’ll be detention with you moony for the next month. Minnie said she’d grant me that”
“That’s great- I actually need to go”
“Wait moony” Sirius lit up in a smile. “Before you go we have something to show you”
“Uhm… okay I don’t-“
the three boys stood up and gave each other an excited grin.
“What the fuck are you doing eh?”
“I know that you said that we shouldn’t do this… but, we think it might help you and-“
“What have you done?”
“I… let me just show you-“ Sirius gave a little twist, then in his place was a big black dog turning in a circle.
“WHAT THE-“
Then there was big brown stag with glasses and a rat on one of his antlers.
Remus paused and stared the animals. “No fucking way”
Then it was Sirius again, fixing his leather jacket and grinning. “Pretty cool, huh?”
He remember a conversation they’d had maybe a year ago, where the marauders suggested to Remus that they could become animagus and stay with him during the full moons. Remus shut it down immediately.
“No” Remus shook his head. “No- I- this is incredible guys, it really is but I can’t let you-“
“Moony” Sirius stopped him, but he didn’t seem to know what to say. “Please. We think this will work-“
“Thinking isn’t enough I could-“ Remus swallowed hard. “You could die. All of you could die I won’t- I… No.”
“We’ve done so much research. We’ve learned that werewolf’s go off of smell of humans and any sort of human hormones go out the window when-“
“I won’t take that chance” Remus backed up again. “I won’t let you”
“It’s not a chance moony!” Sirius stepped forward, a sadness crossing his face. “Please, we spent so much time on this”
“I know- and I’m so, so, flattered and it means so much to me but I can’t let you-“
“Please” he stepped forward even closer and grabbed onto his hand. Remus felt lightning strike through his spine. Sometimes it felt like all he thought about was Sirius, all he wanted was for a touch like this. A feeling like this, hope that maybe one day something would change, and Sirius would be his. But not here, not now, not infant of their friends. “We’ll keep the chains on for this night-“
He tried to focus on anything Sirius was saying but it felt impossible when he was so close. “I have to go” he stepped back.
Sirius stepped forward again. This time stepping even closer. “We spent three years on this, all of the research that we’ve done proves that this is possible. So I need you to trust me, take a leap of faith”
He looked up at his other friends. The deer with James glasses and a rat in a small version of Peter’s sweater.
He knew how hard becoming an animagus was. They did this for him. They gave a damn enough to do something like this for him, and that was the reason why he couldn’t let them. They might be the only people in the world who would do something this nice for… well someone like him. They’re too important. He won’t let them.
But he would do anything for Sirius, and though it frustrated him to admit, he would anything to make that stupid boy happy. And all he ever wanted to do was make him happy. His friends knew what they were doing. Made he had to trust him.
Maybe for the first time, someone will catch me if I fall.
So he’ll jump.
“Okay”