Brothers

London, Gare de King’s Cross, September 1st 1973

"SHOW THEM WHAT A GENIUS YOU ARE, LITTLE BROTHER! IMPRESS THEM WITH YOUR TINY, FULL HEAD!" Sirius had shouted to his little brother, who was probably just as frightened as he was at the idea of facing the unknown that was the way to school. They would be in two different places, separated once again. Sirius was terrified at the thought. The year he had spent away from his brother had saddened him greatly. Regulus was his world, his anchor, his other half. And without him, nothing is the same. Everything is heavy and difficult. But the smile on his face when his brother stayed on the platform with their mother was worth all the gold in the world. Sirius owed it to his brother not to leave him alone, not mentally at least. He couldn't show Reggie that he was scared too, because it was his role as an older brother not to let anything show in order to protect him better. And Sirius accepted his burden with a big smile, if it meant that Reg would be left alone.

He waved goodbye to his brother as their mother took him away, and Sirius couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness. He tried to refute this by sitting down quietly on the bench of the carriage. He had put his suitcase on top of him and was waiting for the old steam train to leave. Alone. Without Reggie, said a nasty little voice in the back of his head.

"Shut up" he breathed to himself.

"Who are you talking to?" asked a voice behind him. A female voice, more surprised than mean.

Sirius looked away from the window and turned round. He was looking at a redheaded girl with emerald green eyes that contrasted with the constellation of freckles all over her face. She must have been about the same age as him.

He shrugged.

"To the wall. What a chatterbox" he smiled, which didn't amuse the girl too much, who gave him a doubtful look. She continued to look at him strangely for a while, then seemed to remember why she had come here in the first place.

"You haven't seen a boy called Severus Snape, have you?" she asked, suddenly in a hurry.

"Erm, I don't know. I don't really know the other students' names, you know, being new and all."

"Are you new?" she asked in surprise. "There are rarely any newcomers at this school, it's strange."

"What do you want, Ginger, I'm a rare find" he laughed, but the nickname didn't help to relax the girl, who frowned.

She huffed, probably in the process of resisting saying something to him, when a boy came running up.

"Lily!" he called, and Sirius was simply flabbergasted by the upstart. He was undeniably the ugliest boy Sirius had ever seen: he had very fair skin, but not fair like his own, fair like a corpse; black hair that only shone because it looked so greasy, as if the boy hadn't showered in six months; and he also had a rather strange posture, as if he was carrying the weight of the world on his frail shoulders, which made him stand a little forward. With his half-length hair falling in his face (but not hiding his ugly nose), he looked like a creature straight out of a stinking swamp. He was sure the boy stank, you could tell by the look on his face.

However, the girl didn't seem to share Sirius's sensible opinions and threw herself into her friend's arms, who immediately blushed, making him look even uglier.

"Severus!" cried the girl called Lily. Severus? Bloody hell, this boy wasn't helped by Mother Nature nor his parents.

The boy, Severus (yuck), seemed to realise Sirius's existence, especially his presence, and pointed at him with his chin, an ugly chin. "Who's he?" he asked the redhead.

"He's a new pupil. I was asking him if he happened to know where you were. His name is... er..." there was a silence, Lily realising that she hadn't asked Sirius his first name. She looked around the cabin as if it was about to give her a clue and her eyes fell on Sirius's suitcase. "Er, S.O. Black."

Sirius laughed slightly.

"Don't worry, Ginger, you'll know my name soon enough, I'm sure of it!"

Severus looked at Sirius with the greatest possible disdain and grabbed Lily's arm to make her follow him. Sirius found himself alone again when the train started, but he didn't mind. He was just starting to take off his jacket and undo his tie because he was uncomfortable when the door to the carriage opened and a boy was reading at the same time. He looked up and his eyes fell on Sirius. He became a little embarrassed and his eyes widened a little.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realise the compartment was in use!" he said as he started to leave again. But there was something inside him that called out to Sirius to hold him back. He stood up after the boy who was already in the corridor.

"Wait!" said Sirius. "You can stay with me... I won't disturb you! You can read if you like!"

The boy turned around, unsure, but as he looked through the windows of the other compartments, he noticed that they were all full. So he turned round and followed Sirius. He lugged his suitcase into the compartment, set it down with difficulty on top of him and, embarrassed, sat down opposite Sirius and continued reading. Sirius pretended to be looking out of the window but he was obsessed by the boy. Perhaps because of his eyes? Yes, that must have been it. The boy had absolutely incredible eyes, completely beautiful. He had golden reflections, as if his eyes were made of gold. And when the sun shone on them, they shone even brighter. Completely amazing. His brown eyes, like pools of rich liquid chocolate, shimmered as if flecked with golden highlights. The warm, earthy tones of his irises held a captivating depth, reflecting the soft glimmer of light with a subtlety that added a mesmerizing quality to his gaze. Sirius was completely entranced by the boy's eyes. It's funny, he thought, how can this boy have eyes that the sun would be jealous of their magnificent reflections and behave as if he knew absolutely nothing about them? Sirius continued to look at the boy and noticed a small arched scar on his left eyelid, surrounding his eye with a thin white line that had healed, Sirius was familiar with this kind of injury. The boy also had a constellation of freckles on his face, not necessarily very visible, but which enhanced him all the same. Sirius, aware that admiring another boy in this way could be misinterpreted, looked away. At the boy's suitcase, first of all. R. J. Lupin, indicated the old luggage. Lupin, like the wolf. Whereas the boy seemed to shun any contact or confrontation. Quite ironic. Then Sirius' gaze drifted to the book the boy was reading, Herman Melville's Moby-Dick or the Whale. A well-known classic that Sirius himself had read during the year. It wasn't his favourite book, but if his one interaction with the boy was anything to go by, he had more or less the same temperament as Ishmael, the main character. An outsider who wants to escape the society where he feels alienated.

"Moby-Dick" whispered Sirius. "I've read it and it's pretty good, but nothing more. My brother loves it, though."

The boy, Lupin, looked up at Sirius in surprise. He put a finger to the page where he stopped and looked at the cover. There was nothing to see on the all-white cover of the book, though.

"This is the second time I've read it," admitted Lupin. "I find the story very interesting, even if it is sometimes long. Ishmael is... moving, I think."

Sirius smiled as the boy avoided his gaze. 

"Reg, my little brother, he told me that " The solitude of the sea serves as the perfect backdrop for Ishmael's introspective nature, as he finds himself alone with his thoughts and the vast expanse of the ocean. His quiet demeanour contrasts with the frenzied intensity of Captain Ahab and the other sailors, and he often reflects on the deeper philosophical and spiritual themes present in the novel. He is drawn to the sea as an escape, seeking freedom and adventure. His introverted nature is evident in his introspective musings and solitary journey on the whaleship."

Lupin gave him yet another surprised look, then smiled.

"Your brother understood the book well, at least the way I did."

Sirius gave him a smile, a little provocative, but mostly amused. But he didn't reply, so Lupin went back to reading, and they spent the journey like that, in religious silence, Lupin reading and Sirius doing nothing, thinking or bored. The journey seemed to last an eternity. 

When they arrived at the school, it was already getting dark. The train journey had exhausted Sirius, who was feeling all frazzled. And just as he was stretching out like a pasha, a gigantic man, a real giant, approached Sirius. He was huge, with old brown clothes and long, shaggy hair and beard. But he was smiling, smiling so sweetly. 

"Oh my..." Sirius gasped in amazement.

The man was laughing, a piercing, gentle laugh, holding his huge belly.

"You're the new third year, aren't you? Sirius Black?"

Sirius nodded, puzzled. He had his suitcase in his hand, and in the middle of the platform, drowned in the stream of students, old and young, he had lost track of Lupin.

"The Deputy Headmistress, Professor McGonagall wants to meet you in her office, for all the formalities of your arrival."

The man set off, splitting the crowd of students as Moses had done the sea, and Sirius followed, walking quietly in the man's wake. They walked to a small road where some sort of bus was waiting, into which the students were gradually returning. But the man continued towards a small van, wider but smaller, and opened the door for Sirius. They drove on for a few minutes and arrived in front of an enormous castle. Immense, gargantuan, magnificent. Countless years old but still standing in all its splendour. The man stopped the van and they both got out. Sirius followed the man who was talking to him, his tone kind and amused, as if he hadn't aged for years and was still a child. 

"Welcome to Black Lake Academy! One of the most famous schools in the whole country! The castle is beautiful isn't it?" Sirius nodded briskly at that. "I'm Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of the keys and the grounds! I supervise the outside of the school, the gardens and the arrival of pupils, among other things. I know this place like the back of my hand! I was a pupil here a long time ago too."

"In what year?" asked Sirius, taken aback by the man's kindness.

"Phew! Well, I entered Black Lake as a first year, in 1940! I was in the Lions."

"The Lions?"

"That's right, kiddo! Lions! The school divided its pupils into four different houses: Lions, Badgers, Eagles and Snakes. There are two buildings per house, one for the boys and one for the girls. There are about 250 pupils in each house, so about 36 a year, but that's not true every year."

He continued to explain all sorts of things to Sirius as they made their way through the castle, hardly passing anyone. They climbed some stairs and finally came to an oak door, a relatively elegant door with a knocker in the shape of a book with a bookmark as the part that swings down and up. Hagrid pressed it and they waited barely half a second before they heard:

"Come in, please!"  

Hagrid opened the door into a beautiful room with a majestic solid wood desk. Beautiful wood, very elegant, very refined. Behind it, sitting in an equally splendid chair, was an old woman with a tight bun and a rather stern expression. On her majestic desk, among the sheets of paper, books and pens, sat a pair of glasses and a gilded metal plaque bearing the inscription "Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress and Head of the House of Lions". When she saw them enter, McGonagall raised her head with a very, very discreet smile. She stood up.

"Ah, I've been expecting you!" she said, indicating for them not to stand in the doorway. As Sirius approached, she held out her hand. "You must be Mr Sirius Black, I presume?"

Sirius nodded, suddenly intimidated by the woman, and shook her hand.

"I'm sorry, Professor," said Hagrid. "But I need to get back to the station to guide the new students!"

"Yes, please, Hagrid."

The giant man walked out of the office and McGonagall indicated for Sirius to sit down as she did so.

"I'm delighted to meet you, Mr Black," she told him. "Your name is well known, even in the depths of Scotland. I am surprised, however, to see you on the benches of Black Lake Academy when your family has for years favoured our companions at Aranshire School."

Sirius raised his head in astonishment. But if McGonagall noticed, she said nothing.

"I know from reliable sources that your cousins were there and that their names were much talked about. I believe the youngest, Narcissa if I'm not mistaken, was until last year captain of her house's fencing team."

Sirius shrugged.

"If you say so Professor."

"So you're the only Black to have been sent to Black Lake, is that right?"

Sirius smiled.

"You're wrong Professor, my little brother isn't at Aranshire, he's at Eton!"  

A flash of surprise passed through McGonagall's eyes, a look of suspicion that lasted only a short while.

"So your brother's at Eton College?" she asked, resuming her stoic decorum. "Well, I'm impressed."

"I'm not," admitted Sirius. "Reg is a true genius. A silent genius, but a genius nonetheless."

McGonagall smiled a knowing smile, as if she understood exactly what Sirius meant by that, as if she knew Regulus. And that reinforced the fact that Sirius already missed Regulus. Knowing that he was so far away...

McGonagall was still talking and Sirius wasn't hearing everything, at least he wasn't really listening anymore. Regulus. Regulus. Regulus. Reggie. Reggie. Reggie. Reg. Reg. Reg. So far. So far away. And Sirius had a pit in the pit of his stomach just thinking about his brother. Regulus was so far, so far away. On the other side of the country. It felt like the other end of the planet.

"I'll come back for you after the beginning of the year banquet and take you personally to your dormitory."

And as silence fell over the room, and McGonagall surely waited for an answer, Sirius heard nothing. Or rather, he heard when there was nothing. His ears were ringing, his eardrums vibrating. He thought of his little brother.

Regulus.

Regulus.

Regulus.

Regulus.

Regulus.

Reggie.

Reggie.

Reggie.

Reggie.

Reggie.

Reg.

Reg.

Reg.

Reg.

Reg.

Was he scared?

Was he as scared as Sirius?

Was he as lonely as Sirius?

Was his school as big as Sirius'?

Did he shake like Sirius?

Could he feel Sirius as far away as Sirius felt Regulus?

Would he be able to make friends?

Sirius' thoughts could not stop. They were fuelled by his fear, his terror. Reggie, poor Reggie. Alone. Sirius, poor Sirius. Alone.

A hand came to rest on Sirius's shoulder and he snapped out of his trance. It was McGonagall, frowning, a little worried.

"Did you hear me Mr Black?"

Sirius nodded. No, he thought, I didn't hear you old magpie. I abandoned my brother. Reggie is alone because of me. If I hadn't been such a fool all the time, Bellatrix and Mother might not have separated us.

"Are you thinking about your brother?" McGonagall asked calmly, snapping him out of his incessant thoughts yet again.

Sirius nodded, lowering his head at the same time, embarrassed to appear like this in front of the Deputy Headmistress. McGonagall sat back in her seat, her back straight against the backrest.

"I'm going to tell you something in confidence, Mr Black," she said softly, and Sirius raised his head, questioningly. "When I entered first year at Black Lake, because I was a student here myself, like all the other teachers, I was terrified. I felt alone, overwhelmed. It was the first time in six long years that I'd been separated from my brothers. They're younger than me, so when I was old enough to join Black Lake, they were still far too young. The first night I cried. I felt ashamed. But I soon realised that I had nothing to be ashamed of because I missed my brothers. It's a perfectly normal feeling."

Sirius's shoulders slumped even more, for McGonagall had been able to read him like an open book and he didn't like it.

"What are your brothers' names?" asked Sirius, in an almost ashamed, low, shy voice.

"Malcolm and Robert. Although I prefer to call them Mally and Robbie," she confided in him, which made Sirius smile, because there was no way a woman with such a tight bun would call her little brothers by nicknames, especially if those nicknames were Mally and Robbie. "What's yours called?"

"Regulus," Sirius replied, so happy to say his brother's name and have the tiny chance of being understood. "But I call him Reggie. Or Reg sometimes."

He dared to look into her eyes and she smiled, such a kind smile, despite the stern look he'd caught before.

"Black Lake has a postal system. You can send letters to your little brother and your parents, if you like. Your housemates will tell you more about it, of course."

McGonagall rose, inviting Sirius to do the same, and they left the study. McGonagall continued to explain trivia to him and guided him to the ground floor of the main building, to two huge solid wooden doors. They were so big they could have stacked three guys as tall as Hagrid and they'd walk in without even looking down.

"This is the Great Hall. All the meals take place here, as well as some exams and receptions. It's the largest and most important room in the castle. There are five tables: one for the teachers, one for the Lions' House, one for the Eagles' House, one for the Badgers' House and one for the Snakes' House."

"Where should I sit?" asked Sirius.

"At the Lions' table." she smiled, more lightly than before. "I'll come back for you afterwards to show you to your building and dormitory."

Sirius nodded, walked into the room and went to sit a little next to a group of three girls who were squealing and giggling in whispers, glancing at him from time to time, and Sirius recognised the redheaded girl from the train. Lily or something. He ignored them and looked around. He couldn't find Lupin on any of the tables but he did manage to see the ugly boy from the train, Lily's mean friend, Severus or something. He was still looking around when a very old man climbed up onto the platform in front of the teachers' table, took up a desk and began to speak in a cheerful voice, too cheerful for a man of his age, behind his half-moon glasses, he seemed to be piercing the secrets of the universe, lurking in his strange dress and his very (too) long beard. 

"Good evening and welcome everyone! Welcome back to the old pupils and welcome to the new pupils, of all ages." he said, and at the last words Sirius thought the old man's eyes were staring back at him from the crowd. "I am the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Behind me are my wonderful colleagues!"

And he began to introduce the teachers, who stood up one by one and waved to the room full of students. At the end of his interminable speech, the students were able to get up and help themselves to food from the buffets. Sirius ate like he'd never eaten before, and he hoped that Regulus too had the right to a similar feast.

After lunch, the students left the Great Hall and Sirius followed. McGonagall called out to him and ordered him to follow her, which Sirius gladly did. Older students gave him strange looks, but Sirius said nothing, thought nothing. She led him outside, to the other side of which they had all arrived. At a reasonable distance from the castle, there were eight buildings forming an arc. They all matched one another in colour but also in distance. The path leading to them was like a tree with eight branches. The two buildings furthest to his left were green and grey, with a flag with a snake's head at the top waving in the September wind. Next, two blue and bronze buildings decorated with eagle flags. Then two buildings in canary yellow and black with badger flags. And finally, to his far right, were two glorious red and shiny buildings with lion-headed flags. This was where McGonagall was taking Sirius, who followed at a slow trot, the tall lady walking quite fast. They stopped in front of the building on the right, the boys' building, and entered a magnificent hall where everything was flamboyant and red. From the seats, to the sofas, the tapestries and even the chandeliers. Absolutely magnificent. And warm.  A boy, older than Sirius, approached as soon as he saw them, a big smile on his face. He looked quite athletic and rather tall, with short brown hair cut a little shorter at the temples. He had a huge smile on his face.

"Professor McGonagall," he rejoined. "I've been waiting for you!"

"I hope you haven't been waiting too long then, Mr Longbottom."

"Oh no, absolutely not Professor McGonagall!" he smiled. Then he turned to Sirius, looking cheerful, and offered his hand for him to shake. "I presume you're the new third year, Sirius, is that right?"

Sirius nodded and shook his hand.

"Mr Black, I'd like you to meet Frank Longbottom, captain of the soccer team and dormitory manager of Lions House. Mr Longbottom, this is Sirius Black, who I told you about in the letter. Take him to the dormitory we agreed on beforehand. As for me, I must get back to my office. I bid you good night, gentlemen. And Mr Black, if you have a question, don't hesitate to ask Mr Longbottom or your flatmates to enlighten you. Good night."

And McGonagall turned and walked off into the night, closing the door behind her. Sirius turned to Frank, who was still smiling. Sirius wondered if his cheeks ever got sore from looking like that, but he kept the question to himself. Frank started walking again towards a dark wooden staircase covered in red carpet that began under a sort of alcove. They went up two flights and Frank was talking happily.

"In your year, there are 18 boys, including you. So there are two rooms of four and two rooms of five. You'll be joining a room of four, replacing a pupil who's moved to another country this summer. You're not missing anything, he was a little prick. His flatmates, now your flatmates, were always complaining about him. But the other three are quite nice, you'll see."

Sirius didn't want to interrupt. He had nothing to say and didn't want to ask any questions, which gave Frank the freedom to blithely spout off whatever he wanted to say. They reached the third floor and turned left. They walked to the end of the corridor and stopped in front of the last door, that of a dormitory called "The Lion's Heart".

"Ah yes," laughed Frank when he saw the look on Sirius' face at the name of the dormitory. "Each shared room has a name linked to the name of the house. So your dormitory is called The Lion's Heart. Mine, for example, is called The Crown Cave. It's a bit zany, but you soon get used to it."

Sirius, however, definitely didn't think the name of his dormitory was lame. The Lion's Heart. The. Lion's. Heart. As in the Leo constellation. And in this constellation, the star also called The Lion's Heart was none other than Regulus. Regulus! This simple thought was already warming Sirius' heart. He would say so in his first letter to Reggie.

"Also, Sirius, just to fill you in, this dorm is your permanent dorm. You won't be able to change flatmates for the next few years, so I suggest you be friends with them, or at least live peacefully alongside them. The same goes for the room itself. You'll still be on the third floor, down the hall to the left, in that room, with that door and with that goofy name. Capiche?"

Sirius nodded briskly as Frank, still smiling, knocked on the door and entered without getting an answer. The dormitory was larger than Sirius had thought, but smaller than the room he'd occupied at Bellatrix and Rodolphus's flat. The room was circular, with four four-poster beds, four bedside tables, four chests against each bed and four wardrobes. The sheets and curtains on the beds and the carpet in the middle were red and gold, as everywhere else in the Lions' household. The floor was parquet, probably mahogany because of its dark colour. At the far end, between two beds, was an open door leading to a bathroom.

And then he saw them. The three boys who were to become his best friends. They were putting their things away and when they heard Frank and Sirius coming in, they turned round. To the right of the bathroom stood, in front of his bed and his scattered belongings, a boy with dark skin, glasses that he pushed up with his index finger, the kindest brown eyes Sirius had ever seen and the hirstiest ink-black hair that could exist. Sirius recognised him; he was one of the boys his mother had forbidden him to approach at King's Cross. The son... er... Patel? Nope. Peters? Nope. Proctor? Pratt? Pugh? Prescott? Pepper? Fuck, Sirius remembered it was a P-name but he couldn't remember. Patterson? Pope? Phelps? He couldn't remember. But Sirius felt he was getting close. Potts? Potter? Potter!!! That was it, the Potter kid! It was the kid who had hugged his parents on the platform in front of everyone. 

On the other side of the bathroom, to Potter's left, was a pudgy kid, not very tall, with hair as blonde as wheat. He was the one standing most in the mess, his things really scattered all over his bed and across the floor to the bathroom. He had bland, slightly watery green eyes, as if he were ashamed or frightened all the time, though here he was looking at Sirius with a sympathetic, if very curious, smile. And Sirius recognised him as the other boy his mother had forbidden him to associate with, the heir Petti... something like that. Petticrow? Pettigrow? No. Pettigrew. It was Pettigrew, it was coming back to him now. 

But this game of chance, openly mocking Walburga, wasn't even the best surprise of that day.

The best thing, the best surprise in that dormitory was to Sirius's left, right by the front door.

It was him. The boy on the train. The avid reader, the one with the incredibly beautiful eyes. He stood there shyly, but when he recognised Sirius he smiled slightly embarrassed. It was Lupin, with his short curls, his golden eyes, the little arched scar around his eye and his freckles. His suitcase, opened on his bed, revealed a pile of huge books that the boy had started to put on his bedside table and on the windowsill next to his bed.

"Sirius", cut in Frank, "meet James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Guys, meet Sirius Black, your new flatmate from today."

James Potter.

Peter Pettigrew.

Remus Lupin.

Remus.

Remus.

"Hi mate!" stepped forward James to shake his hand, snapping Sirius out of his reverie.

Sirius smiled back, shaking his hand. He was delighted. Ecstatic, even.

The Potter boy, a considerable charmer and genuinely likeable. On good enough terms with his parents to hug them in public at thirteen.

The Pettigrew son, shy and kind, an artist's head and an absolutely unorganised being.

Remus Lupin, an introvert with a penchant for reading, quiet and shy, but as handsome as a god without even seeming to know it.

Sirius knew that his family would hate them.

He already adored them. 

Black Lake Academy, Highlands, Sunday September 2, 1973

Sirius had had a wonderful evening. His flatmates were quite simply the nicest people he'd ever met apart from Reggie. James and Peter, who had been friends since early childhood and were neighbours, had explained everything to him. How everything worked, daily life, the nice teachers, the nasty teachers, the fascinating lessons, the rubbish lessons, the clubs they were in (the soccer team as a forward for James and the chess club for Peter) and everything he needed to know to get off to a good start at Black Lake. They had also explained to him that he was allowed to decorate his corner of the room, that he could play music if he had brought vinyl records or his record player, and above all, how the school's postal system worked. Pupils could send letters every day at any time by dropping them in the letterboxes in front of each house, which Hagrid would then collect and post in the village. Pupils received their letters every morning, delivered by the Head Prefects of their houses during breakfast or sent to their rooms if a pupil had not made it to the Great Hall in time to receive it. And that was the information Sirius needed most. So, the very next morning, a Sunday, as he was having breakfast with James and Peter in the Great Hall (Remus had disappeared, as usual according to the two boys, who had not managed to form a deep bond with the reserved boy), Sirius wrote a letter to his little brother. 

Dear little Reggie,

As promised, here's the first letter of the school year!

My school is splendid. I'm sure you'd love it, with its huge, old castle. The train journey was very long, though, and I was very bored without you by my side. I'm in the Lions' house and I share my dormitory with three very nice boys. James, Peter and Remus. I know you'd love them, I really would. James is very funny and talks a lot, but he's very nice. He's in the soccer team. Peter is a bit strange, but in a good way, he's nice and knows a lot about soccer, even though he's not in the team like James. However, he's in the chess club and James tells me he's very good. I think he draws too. As for Remus, I think he's the one you'd prefer! He reads a lot and when I met him he was reading Moby-Dick! I told him about your impression of Ishmael, quoting you, and he said he felt the same as you and that you'd understood the book well. He's a bit of an introvert, though, and likes to keep to himself. 

What about you? Do you have good flatmates? Are they nice to you? If they're not, you tell me, I'll find them and beat them up. What's your uniform like? Which house have you been sorted into?

I miss you,

With love,

Your wonderful big brother, Sirius.

P.S.: You'll never guess what my dorm is called!!!! Are you ready? One, two, three... THE LION'S HEART! Just like you! It's such a shame we're not together, you would have loved Black Lake! In fact, I would have loved it if you'd been there.

P. S. No. 2: I met the ugliest boy in the world on the train! He's called Severus! Can you believe it Reg?! Severus! 

"Who are you writing to?" asked James as Sirius finished writing.

"To Reggie, my little brother."

"Is he staying at your house?" asked Peter.

"Oh no, he didn't. He passed the Eton entrance exams."

Both boys stared at Sirius in amazement.

"Eton?" stammered Peter. "As in Eton College?"

Sirius nodded.

"Oh dear," exclaimed James. "Dad's always telling me it's the best school for boys in the country!"

"Reggie, he's really clever you know. Smarter than me," Sirius smiled and closed the letter in the envelope. "He's a little genius."

Sirius put the envelope in his pocket and promised himself he'd post it later.

"By the way," began Sirius as he ate a piece of bread. "Where's Lupin?"

James and Peter looked at each other, a little embarrassed.

"We don't really know," breathed James, shrugging his shoulders.

"He disappears all the time," added Peter. "We only see him in the mornings and evenings, and during the lessons we have together.

"He's a quiet type who likes to keep to himself," James continued.

Sirius pouted. James and Peter were very nice but Remus... He looked supernatural, magical. And Sirius was determined to find out why he was being so stubborn with the Lupin boy.

That afternoon, Sirius left his two flatmates and new friends and went to drop his letter in the box provided. Alone, in the calm sunshine of early September, on a Sunday afternoon, he decided to draw up a plan to find the mysterious Remus. He began to make a mental list of places where Remus might be hiding: the library? Yes. Common room? No. Dormitory? No. Sports ground? No. Abandoned classroom? Possibly. A mysterious corridor in one of the many buildings? Probably. Sitting under a tree in the school's extensive gardens? Eventually. So Sirius had too many places to check. And that's what he did all afternoon. Using the map Frank had given him that morning, he crossed out the places Remus was unlikely to visit and made notes on the places he'd found empty and the places he hadn't had time to visit. In the end, he went back to dinner with James and Peter and didn't see Remus, who only came back to go to bed.  

Monday 3rd September 1973

Today was the first day of school and Sirius hadn't received any letters from Reggie. Of course, that's normal, he thought, it was too early yet, sending and receiving a letter takes time. But Sirius didn't want to wait, so between lessons and free time, between meals and recesses, Sirius scribbled words to his little brother. He told him about everything, about that redheaded girl, Lily, with whom he'd learned James was completely smitten, or about Remus who was disappearing, about the Hispanic music James put on whenever he could, about Frank and his kindness, about the load of homework he already had. He could have written a novel for his brother, to tell him all about it, and he wouldn't have minded at all. Regulus might like being alone, but he didn't like being alone without Sirius, and that made all the difference. Because Regulus without Sirius was not a good calculation. And Sirius without Regulus wasn't much better. They'd always needed each other in the flawed equation that was their lives and they weren't going to start doing without each other now, it was just impossible. 

Wednesday 5th September 1973

Five days had passed since the start of the school year and Sirius had sent Regulus letters every day. Only his little brother hadn't replied. Not a single letter in almost a week. Had Regulus received Sirius's letters? Was Reggie sulking to Sirius? If so, why? Was it because he'd made friends? Did Regulus feel rejected? Did Regulus feel abandoned? Did Regulus like his school? Was he interested in the lessons? Did he make any friends? Was he treated well? Did he share a room? If so, with whom? Did he plan to join a group or club? If so, which one?

Sirius had so many questions for his little brother, questions that were crushed by the silence and the absence of a letter. And Sirius felt like crying and shouting and throwing and breaking things. He had spoken to James and Peter about it, without describing all his worries, and the boys had explained to him that they only sent letters to their parents once or twice a week. But Sirius wasn't like that. Regulus wasn't like that. They needed each other. It was an inescapable part of their relationship as brothers. Peter and James were only children, they couldn't understand. Couldn't understand what it was like to be only half of yourself when the other half wasn't by your side. And Reg's silence left Sirius alone, half empty. Only half, because without his little brother, Sirius was just one half left patent, like a shoelace that no longer had its opposite side to bind itself, remaining alone, embarrassed and awkward. 

But Sirius was grown up, he was going to be 14 in two months. He could be patient. He had to be patient. Maybe the Eton post office was slow, maybe they weren't allowed to write every day. He had to wait and then accept. He shouldn't blame Regulus, not now. Surely his brother had some extenuating circumstance. Yes, that had to be it. It HAD to be.

In the meantime, he would concentrate all his impatience on finding Remus's hiding place.

Thursday 13th September 1973

A week and a half and no news. Radio silence. Regulus wasn't writing to Sirius. Sirius wrote to Regulus. Silence and words. Words and silence. Sirius wondered if he'd done something wrong to his little brother, if he'd written something he hadn't liked. He thought and thought but could think of nothing. Nothing. Regulus was just silent. Why was he silent? Why was he silent? WHY? WHY? He didn't know. He couldn't figure it out. He thought about it but he didn't understand. It wasn't like Reg to do that, something must have happened. Yes, that must be it. So Sirius continued to send letters, every day. Sometimes short, sometimes long. If Reggie wanted to play the boy and keep quiet, so be it. But Sirius was smarter than his brother's bigotry, so he'd keep writing every day. If Reggie sulked, which rarely happened, it would soon pass. Yes, that was it. It would soon pass, as just a bad memory. And Sirius knew very well that his brother would reply before the summer. Even before his birthday. Yes, that was it. Reggie would reply before the beginning of November, maybe even before the beginning of October. So Sirius had to keep his cool with his little brother. He shouldn't be angry, Regulus had his reasons. Reasons that Sirius' reason didn't know about, but for now, he would stay calm and wait for a sign of life from his little brother. And he would pretend he hadn't cried the night before. Yes, tomorrow will be fine. And who knows, maybe he'd go and have breakfast with James and Peter and there'd be a letter from his brother waiting for him?

Yes, Sirius had to keep hope alive.

He had to have faith, faith in his little brother. 

But Friday passed without any letters. Then Saturday, Sunday, Monday and the whole of the following week. Then the week after that and October flew by without Sirius hearing from Regulus. But now he'd decided he didn't give a damn. Didn't care that his little brother was as stubborn as a mule. He didn't care that all his letters went unanswered. Regulus was young, he was temperamental. It surprised Sirius, but that was the way it was. There was nothing he could do. Fortunately, James and Peter kept him busy. They had a lot of fun together, during lessons and in their free time. Sirius had even befriended some of the other students, although he hadn't really made friends with them, but it was always good. At weekends, the trio went out to the village, because being third years, they were allowed to. They went to the Three Broomsticks and ordered hot drinks from Madam Rosmerta, the pub landlady. She was always ready to listen and laugh with them. Sirius and James made her laugh a lot, and they often won a second free drink, which brightened up their rounds of the pub. And Sirius, in those moments, barely thought about his brother. Barely. However, between weekends and lessons, he kept thinking about Remus and his continual disappearances, which only whetted his curiosity even more. He continued to research him but he was really beginning to believe that the boy with the golden eyes had some sort of magical power that allowed him to disappear or become invisible whenever he wanted because Sirius didn't see him once when he was looking for him. Not once! Even when Sirius set out to follow Remus, he always ended up being cut off by the boy, which irritated him but didn't discourage him. Pete and Jamie were always warning him. Remus disappeared at will, and if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be found.

And that sounded like a challenge to Sirius. And Sirius always accepted challenges and bets. But Peter and James didn't know that yet.

There was also one thing the two boys didn't know yet:

Never underestimate a Black.

Saturday 3rd November 1973

Sirius was officially 14. And he still hadn't received any letters from his brother. Not even on his birthday. And fuck, Sirius was really sad and angry. Regulus had never written him back. Not to any of the fucking letters he'd sent since school started. That was sixty-two unanswered letters. Sirius didn't feel like sending any letters today, and this was truly an exception. Because it was his birthday and he hadn't heard from his little brother for two months. His little brother. That bastard Regulus. That little bastard who had walled himself up in silence. It made Sirius so sad but at the same time so angry. It wasn't fair. Completely unfair. Reg had no right to do this to him, not to him. Not to his older brother. Not to Sirius. Regulus could be quiet with whoever he wanted, but not with Sirius. He had no right. Anything but this. 

But the day had started well. It had been a beautiful day, even if winter had started to creep in, freezing everyone to the bone. After breakfast, during which Sirius had been more than disappointed not to have received a letter from Reggie, he had returned to his room angrily. On his bed he had found a parcel. A small one, but a parcel nonetheless, and his heart had skipped a beat. Regulus! But no, it wasn't from Reg. It wasn't from Reg, it was from Orion and Walburga. In the parcel were two piano scores: Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptue and Liszt's La Campanella. Two pieces of music he already knew, thanks to Bellatrix! There was also a short letter, an obligation.

Dear Sirius,

Happy fourteenth birthday.

Enclosed are two piano pieces for you to learn this year, and you should be able to play them perfectly from memory this summer when you return to London.

Don't forget that we have the contacts to find out if you're up to any mischief. Watch out.

Walburga and Orion Black.

"Bollocks" he breathed through his teeth, before hiding the parcel under his bed and the sheet music in one of his jacket pockets. Even free here, he was a prisoner of his parents, who were far away.

And he kept quiet about it for the next few hours, not having the heart to explain the family lore to James and Peter. So they went back to town, to the Three Broomsticks, and drank hot chocolates, and James and Sirius played the worst possible jokes to make Mrs Rosmerta laugh, which they did with flying colours. And as the four of them, Madam Rosmerta and the three Lions, were talking, Frank Longbottom came up to their table, smiling and almost running. Sirius had the impression that Frank was always running. Like James, only older, wiser and... whiter. 

"Sirius mate," smiled Frank as he pulled up to their table. "Happy birthday!"

And as all eyes turned to him, Sirius felt himself blush.

"Ahaha, thank you Frank" he breathed. Ahaha, yes, thank you Frank, for getting me into such a jam.

And there was silence as James and Peter looked at Sirius, who carefully avoided their surprised and shocked stares.

"What?" stammered Peter. "It's-"

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY???!!!" shouted James, cutting poor Pete off.

Sirius looked at them alternately, then down at his mug, then at Rosmerta, and Frank then back at the table before bravely facing the gaze of his two best friends.

"Yes," he murmured, laughing in embarrassment. "Did I by any chance forget to mention that to you?"

And no sooner had he finished his sentence than James grabbed him by the collar of his coat and began shaking him like Sirius was a ripe apple tree.

"BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU?!!! BETRAYING US LIKE THAT?! HOW CAN YOU?!"

"Haha, take it easy James, I'm sure there's some misunderstanding" Sirius tried to laugh.

"NOW PETE AND I ARE LIKE ASSHOLES WITH NO PRESENTS FOR YOU! WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE US OUT TO BE SIRIUS BLACK???!!!!"

"James, you'd better get off him, he's turning a funny colour" lamented Peter, half laughing, while Rosmerta held on to Frank so as not to fall to the ground from the giggles she was having. Frank himself was holding his stomach.

Finally, James reluctantly let go of Sirius, holding the bridge of his nose as if he were a father very upset with his rowdy child. And then he laughed. A loud, clear laugh. A joyous laugh that surprised Sirius. It was a laugh like he had never heard before. And he smiled too, like a madman. But James being James Potter, he would never stop there. So he stood up on the bench, then on the table, his dirty boots where the customers' cutlery normally stood and Sirius swore he heard him mutter something like "If Mummy ever finds out I did that, she'll make me swallow my boots" but before anyone could stop James, he put his hands round his mouth and shouted very, very loudly.

"'Yippee, yippee, dear customers of the Three Broomsticks, loyal men and women who are fans of Madam Rosmerta's food and drink!" he called to everyone, and everyone turned around. "I'm looking at an idiot called Sirius Black, whose birthday it is today, although he mysteriously failed to mention it to me! So, would you be up for singing him a lovely birthday song in his honour?"

And all the customers in the pub applauded and accepted, saluting the courage of James, who stood as maestro on this table. With an imaginary wand, he made a little countdown to three and all the customers in the pub began to sing in the same voice, which wasn't very pretty and rather silly, but which nevertheless warmed Sirius' heart.  

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SIRIUS!"

And Sirius thought he was going to die of embarrassment before he could get out of the pub. But he didn't and he had a great time while everyone offered him free drinks, which made Rosmerta laugh out loud. For the first time since his arrival in Black Lake, and Sirius was almost ashamed to admit it, he forgot his worries and all the stories about certain letters that had gone unanswered for two months. 

The evening of 3 November went really well. James and Peter had blackmailed everyone at dinner and McGonagall and a few of the teachers who had Sirius in their hearts came to celebrate his birthday, which pleased him enormously, even if he didn't say so. But when they went to bed, the truth of Regulus' silence came pounding back into his ears, making him sad and angry again. His blood pounded his eardrums in a cacophony that only he could hear and which sent him into a sudden rage.  It was now impossible for him to get any sleep. But the worst thing was when, by dint of tossing and turning again in his bed, he had had enough and left the dormitory, quickly slipping on his school shoes and putting on his heavy coat over the jumper he was sleeping in. He left his dormitory, slipping into the cold November night. The moon was half full and that gave him enough light not to need to light James's torch, which he had silently borrowed for this excursion. Without really making a conscious decision, he made his way to the main school building. His feet took him to the third floor, to the music wing. He hated himself for it, but all he could think about was playing that piano he hated so much. At least at 11pm, after curfew, nobody would find out, at least nobody important. And, having experienced it first hand during a mini-prank with Peter and James, the piano room was quite well insulated. He also knew from that experience that the room had a broken latch and therefore the door could no longer be locked. 

He slipped into the room, closing the door silently behind him but not switching on the light to remain discreet. The moonlight alone was more than enough for him as he drew the curtains open so that just the piano was illuminated by the clear white light of the star. He gently removed his coat and threw it on the floor. He sat down on the instrument stool and opened the keyboard cover of the school's magnificent Pleyel. He stood up straight, his fingers above the keyboard without touching the keys.

Breathe in and out. Breathe in and out. In and out.

Sirius placed his fingers on the keyboard and began to play, softly, as if his night-time playing were a secret between him and the piano. Just him and the instrument. Not his mother. Not Bellatrix. No music mentor. Just Sirius and the piano. Just his fingers against the keys, and no whip or wooden stick against his poor phalanges. Just him, the piano, the music. Freedom, within his beautiful golden prison whose barriers he tried to ignore, closing little by little around his throat, around his neck, threatening to suffocate him in disgrace.

He didn't decide what music to play, his fingers did that for him. His hands moved gracefully over the keyboard, making the sweet music he loved resonate.

Reg loves it too, whispered a little voice in his head, it's his song.

And Sirius played a little louder to silence that silly little voice, an ugly mixture of Walburga's voice and Bellatrix's. No, he thought, it's my music too. I can love it and play it too.

He began to hum too, making his vocal cords buzz in time with the music, even if it wasn't the version meant to be sung. He mimed the different finger plays and sounds, but kept it all to himself. It was one of the only pieces of music he liked to play on this instrument of woe.

"Debussy" he murmured. "What a genius you are, you and your magnificent Clair de lune."

He finished the music and let the last faint notes sink into the deafening silence of the night. Only the moonlight, the real moonlight, not the music (though), illuminated him. And he was just enjoying the soft light when a voice sounded behind him in the half-light, knocking him off his stool.

"Wow... I didn't know you could play the piano and you had such a good French accent," had said the voice that had made Sirius's bottom taste the floor. And when Sirius fell, the voice turned into a simple, apologetic laugh.

Sirius opened his eyes, even though he was upside down on the floor, his legs still on the stool. And what a surprise it was when he saw the face of the person he was talking to.

"Remus???!!!" he breathed, turning around and getting to his feet, even though he was still sitting on the floor. And then he saw him, this mysterious Remus coming out of the darkness, a sorry smile on his face. Sirius couldn't believe it.

"Did I by any chance just find your hiding place?" asked Sirius, bewildered.

"My hiding place?" asked Remus, surprised.

"Well, yes," whispered Sirius, as if it were obvious. "Where you disappear whenever you have free time. Your hiding place..."

"I'm not hiding," murmured Remus, surprised.

"You're not? And what do you call disappearing whenever you're not in class and stashing yourself away in some mysterious place without telling James, Peter or me?

"I'd say that... that...." and he searched for a few moments before laughing softly. "I'd say it's like hiding, you're right."

"I'm always right," Sirius smiled, the same little winning grin on his face and Remus laughed a little at that.

"What are you doing here in the middle of the evening, Mr. Right?"

"What, you mean you can't tell Remus ???? I thought it was obvious that I was running away to avoid James and Peter's tractor snoring," exclaimed Sirius, falsely indignant.

And that made Remus laugh, again, and Sirius relished the sound.

"You're right," Remus murmured. "It's obvious to me now."

Sirius nodded, as if to say "I'm always right" and he laughed before looking at Remus.

"Is that a book I see in your hand, Remus?" he said, pointing to the boy's right hand, which was indeed holding something.

Remus looked at his hand and nodded.

"It's a short story by a French author. It's called The Silence of the Sea."

Sirius nodded, puffing wearily.

"I know it, and I don't like it. I think my brother likes it though," he admitted before realising what he'd said. Fuck, did everything always come back to Regulus or what?

"Careful, Sirius," sneered Remus, "I'm beginning to like your brother more than you."

Sirius let out a gasp of shock.

"You wouldn't dare! I'm the better of the two Black brothers, and I've got ways of proving it!"

"Like...?"

"Well, for a start I'm better looking than Reg. Secondly, I'm a lot funnier, but mind you, it's not that complicated. Thirdly, I'm thoughtful and I write letters."

"He hasn't sent any letters since school started?" asked Remus, surprised.

"No," whispered Sirius. "Not even today. And I don't suppose I'm going to get his letter in 15 minutes... "

"Is today a special day?"

Sirius huffed and looked down at his hands.

"Today's my birthday."

"Is today your birthday?!" exclaimed Remus in surprise as he planted himself in front of Sirius. "Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks"

"What did you get?"

Sirius huffed, grabbed his coat and pulled the sheet music out of his pocket.

"My parents just give me this," he said, handing the two pieces of paper to Remus, who grabbed them and looked at them.

"It's-" began Remus but Sirius interrupted him.

"I already know them by heart. They've given them to me before."

And Remus looked at him, with a surprised little "Oh..." in his eyes and then back at the sheet music.

"Yeah," laughed Sirius a little too pathetically. "Oh..."

"They must have thought you'd forgotten all about it."

"If you ask me, Remus, they didn't think at all."

Remus gave him a sad little look, frowning, and Sirius hated the look on his face.

"You know," he continued, "the funny thing about this is... I didn't even like those the first time."

And Remus smiled. He was looking at the leaves and looked very serious, coughing to give himself a more confident voice.

"You know, Sirius, I think you underestimate the value of sheet music of this quality!"

And his comment amused Sirius, who arched an eyebrow.

"I mean," Remus continued, inspecting the leaves. "Who would want a football or a baseball glove or anything else you like when you can have two sheets that are completely indecipherable?!"

Sirius looked at Remus with an amused little pout.

"I'd have preferred a packet of cigarettes or an electric guitar honestly..."

"Pfff, don't be ridiculous, fancy boy. Who'd want cigarettes or a magnificent electric guitar when you can have two scores? Plus, look at all this incredible gear, it's probably two expensive, particularly aerodynamic scores!"

"Wha... What?"

"You can feel it by touch," Remus said as he continued his tirade and moved towards the windows, one of which he opened, letting in the cold night wind. "Look, they look like they can fly, those scores!" laughed Remus as he turned back to Sirius, his beautiful hair reflected in the moonlight.  

"I don't really understand what you're getting at Remus..."

"Isn't it obvious Sirius? These scores wanna fly!"

Sirius leapt to his feet, laughing. He approached Remus in front of the window and they both looked out.

"Sirius" said Remus very solemnly, handing him the two scores that he had had the miraculous time to transform into two completely hideous paper aeroplanes that probably wouldn't get very far. Remus coughed. "Sirius, present to the world the first two scores that wanted to fly on their own wings."

And Sirius threw them through the window. The paper aeroplanes flew awkwardly through the November night, fighting against the icy wind. And in perfect harmony, the two scores transformed into defective paper aeroplanes whirled all the way down before crashing into a puddle just below the window. The planes unfolded in silence, the paper soaking up water and the ink drooling.

When Remus turned to him, Sirius was grinning like a madman.

"Well," Remus breathed with a laugh. "I wouldn't worry, you'll surely get another ones next year!"

And as the two young boys laughed into the night, the wind blowing through their hair and the moon lighting up their faces, the music room door opened with a crash that startled them both. And as they turned, they came face to face with Filch, the crazy old caretaker. And as the man looked at them sadistically, Sirius couldn't have been happier.

His day had ended well.

He'd put Regulus out of his mind.

And he'd made a new friend.

Remus.

Remus.

He'd discovered one of Remus' hiding places!

And honestly, Sirius couldn't have smiled more like an idiot than at that very moment, one moonlit night in a music room where the beginning of a very good friendship between Sirius Black and Remus Lupin was born.